What is loneliness? Definitions of loneliness.

Despite the fact that most of us live with many other people, we nevertheless often experience feelings of loneliness that rob us of our joy in life. Loneliness eats away at our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into sheer torment. Many of you will probably agree with me that being alone is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, there are so many people around us that it would seem that there can be no talk of any loneliness, but it is, however, and we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness so painful for us? And most importantly - what to do with loneliness, how to get rid of it? Dear readers, we will talk about this in this article. And if you feel like a lonely person, I will help you solve this problem.

Loneliness is special emotional condition a person in whom he feels his uselessness and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses his sense of himself due to the lack of contact with other people, he falls into a void in which he, as a person, is not. This emotional state occurs at a time when a person does not receive full attention from other people, when he does not feel positive. emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing her. Moreover, there can be many people around him and they can even communicate with him. It's all about the form of this communication - a person can simply not listen, not hear and not understand. Often, when communicating with people, we feel that they simply do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel lonely. It turns out that communication with people seems to happen with us, but it resembles communication with a wall, which is of little use. So it is not at all necessary to live on a desert island and be isolated from society in order to feel lonely, you can be surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but really be a lonely person - if everyone does not care about you.

But why don't we ourselves give a damn about those who don't give a damn about us? And because we are social beings, we all depend on each other, because we are parts of a single whole, not to mention the fact that each of us needs a partner for a fulfilling life. This is how nature intended that a person strives to continue his race and support life on earth and to take care not only of himself, but also of the people around him, as this increases his survival rate. Together, people are capable of much, they were able to build a civilization and together they can solve any problems they may have, but one by one they will simply die out. Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon as loneliness is understandable. We feel lonely because we make ourselves that way - we alienate ourselves, move away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting about the need to fit into the society around us, noticing other people in it and becoming noticeable ourselves. And we will never be comfortable as long as we are objectively lonely, until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also a part of the society in which we live, and preferably also a part of all humanity. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially in those cases when we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love. However, if we receive too much attention from other people, we inevitably begin to neglect it, we begin to choose - with whom it is interesting and beneficial for us to communicate, and with whom it is not. If you don't have friends, don't have the right partner, you will certainly feel lonely. But it is quite possible, friends, that you yourself, too, at the moment do not notice someone who notices you. Think about it.

Loneliness, meanwhile, has a positive side - it is solitude. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can lead a full internal dialogue with themselves, they can reflect, read books, do any things they love, and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but grace, however, in moderation, because, as mentioned above, we all need contacts with people and their attention to us. But to a certain extent, we all need loneliness, another thing is that because of this we should not close ourselves off from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, loners, people locked in ourselves. And that won't do us any good, rest assured. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people with communication with yourself, this will not save you from loneliness. To supplement communication with people with communication with yourself - supplement, but do not replace it with it, live a full life - look for suitable interlocutors for yourself and communicate with them.

But back with you to the negative side of loneliness, after all, for most people, loneliness is a problem, not a blessing, which they somehow need to solve so as not to suffer because of it. How can it be solved? First, friends, you need to find out what is causing this problem. Pay attention to your lifestyle and how you relate to other people. If you lead an alienated lifestyle, if you are isolated from other people for some reason, then you need to correct this situation - you need to go out to people in order to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but at the same time do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of which you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to distance yourself from them or them away from you, then you definitely need to work on your manner of communication. In most cases, we lose attention to ourselves from other people, because of our misunderstanding, which we interpret as their misunderstanding of us. But to accuse other people of not wanting to communicate with us or not wanting to understand us is simply pointless. People behave with us the way they want and how they are forced to behave, and most importantly, they behave with us the way we allow them to behave with us. So if we do not want to hear each other, then our communication will be so meaningless that it can be compared to communication with a wall, and therefore, there can be no talk of any mutual understanding with such dead communication. So why do we spit on each other, why don't we notice each other, don't hear each other and don't want to understand each other? Is it all about our upbringing? Yes, and in him too, many people are selfish and therefore indifferent to other people, and those, in turn, are indifferent to them. So we all feel lonely, even in large cities, where there are a lot of people, and even having the Internet at hand, in which you can communicate with anyone and on any topic. But selfishness is selfishness, and the main problem for a person who makes other people lonely, and at the same time himself, is his lack of need for other people. We don't need each other so badly that we want to understand each other. Rather, we believe that we do not need each other, and we often see other people as more enemies than friends, and therefore we try to distance ourselves from them or simply not notice them. Because of this, as I said above, we ourselves make ourselves lonely. We should have a need for those around us, then we will be more open and benevolent to them, and if we do not feel this need, then other people will only hinder us.

How often do we complain that we lack attention, love, respect, understanding? And what have we personally done to ensure that we have all this? Do we accept the love offered to us by other people who sincerely love us, do we respect their attention to us, do we try to understand other people when we communicate with them? Alas, friends, in most cases we do nothing of this, in any case, most of us do not properly appreciate the attention, love, understanding and respect for ourselves from other people. As a result, some of us end up in a proud loneliness, in which some people, because of their pride and perseverance, remain throughout their lives. But all you need is to try to understand other people, try to hear them and find with them mutual language... But people are too selfish for this, they are mainly guided by their own feelings, their own desires, their own interests, and they do not care about others. Sometimes this is justified, sometimes not, but in most cases, without feeling the need for attention from some people, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live a rich and fulfilling life, in which we will have many friends and fans. They don't just become lonely, this is necessarily preceded by certain actions on the part of a person, which force people to distance themselves from him. Sometimes friends, you really need to be easier so that people start reaching out to you.

However, some people, with all their desire, are not able to establish positive contacts with other people, they are either uncommunicative in themselves, or because of the negative experience of the past they have become so. Also, very often, difficulties with communication arise in people with low self-esteem, because of which they are simply afraid to communicate, afraid of being unheard, misunderstood, and unacceptable. There are other psychological factors that contribute to loneliness. So, if it is difficult for you to establish contacts with people because of low self-esteem, because of fear of them, because of your lack of communication or for some other reason, then start working on yourself, either on your own or with the help of a specialist ... Otherwise, you will create a vicious circle when your inability and unwillingness to communicate with people will lead you to the fact that your self-esteem will fall even lower and your fear of people will become even greater. And then you may experience depression, with all its inherent "charms", capable of finally poisoning our lives. You definitely need to develop your communication skills in order to be able to meet people of interest to you. And if you are already sociable enough, but at the same time there are few people around you with whom you could communicate and who could understand you, then you should urgently pay attention to your behavior in order to understand what exactly you should change in it. ... Loneliness always has reasons that lie primarily in ourselves. When we feel the loneliness of the soul, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us, that we are not needed by anyone and our whole life is a complete misunderstanding, be sure - we do not understand something at this moment, we are missing something and something. then we do not attach importance.

I am absolutely sure that many people need each of us, as well as ourselves, we also need many of them. We all need each other, in one way or another. As soon as we realize this, we will certainly open up to each other and become closer to each other, and not physically closer, there seems to be no problem with this today, but spiritually. It's time for us to abandon the consumer attitude towards people and move to a new level of perception of this world, in which our relations with each other will acquire a qualitatively new form. People must grow and develop so that such primitive and meaningless problems as loneliness cease to bother them. I also recommend that you engage in some kind of creative activity that more than compensates for your lack of attention from other people. Sometimes we just feel lonely, but we are not really lonely, we simply do not have the opportunity to express ourselves and therefore it seems to us that no one understands us. Express yourself in some interesting work for you, because in every person, without exception, there is some kind of talent, having revealed and developed which he is able to surprise the world with his wonderful creation and express himself thereby. Then attention, recognition, respect, and love will be provided to you. People cannot fail to notice the person who created something beautiful.

And don't be afraid of people, friends. They are, of course, not perfect, and sometimes dangerous, but still, none of us can live a full life without them. You do not have to communicate with all people, communicate only with those of them who are closer to you in spirit and character, this will be quite enough so that you do not feel lonely. Try to study people, understand them, study their interests, goals, desires, and then you can join their picture of the world and help them understand you. Draw their attention to yourself with the help of your activity and energy, because active and energetic people are hard to miss. Keep in mind that many people simply do not understand what their life should be like, what kind of people they should surround themselves with in this life, and who needs them in it. Therefore, try to convince them that they need you, show them yourself in all its glory. And you will be accepted. People are entangled in a world they have created, in which there is so much information that you can drown in it. Therefore, it is often difficult for them to focus their attention even on themselves, let alone on someone else who is around them. There are people around, but a person does not notice them, does not communicate with them fully, and therefore feels lonely. Loneliness is a problem invented by us, in reality it does not exist, there is only a lack of understanding by people of each other and inattention to each other.

“A person avoids, endures, or loves loneliness in accordance with the value of his Self,” wrote Arthur Schopenhauer.

Sociological survey conducted by the All-Russian Research Center public opinion in 2010, showed that 13% of Russian citizens experience this feeling.

Loneliness - what is it

Loneliness as a psychological phenomenon provides a state of experiencing one's dissimilarity with others, which causes difficulties in communicating with people, accompanied by a feeling of misunderstanding and rejection of oneself in society. This experience can be expressed in both negative and positive moods:

Negative coloration is expressed in the form of alienation from the outside world. A person experiencing loneliness sees their own uniqueness in front of others, which makes them feel misunderstood, and ultimately dooms themselves to social isolation.
A positive tone is expressed in the form of solitude, gaining freedom, a kind of liberation. Most often created artificially. This mood is characteristic of introverts, for whom the feeling of loneliness is a necessary need, an opportunity to go into their own "better" world.

In psychology, loneliness is considered a psychogenic factor that can lead to complete or partial physical and emotional isolation. Lonely people can experience anxiety states: depression, apathy, tension, disorders of autonomic function.

Why are people lonely

Loneliness for each person has its own concept. For some, loneliness is the difficulty of communicating with the opposite sex. For others, this is a misunderstanding on the part of loved ones. Someone deliberately tries to isolate themselves from society, in order to find themselves.

According to VTsIOM, the loneliest people are women and elderly respondents. Women have a brighter emotional background than men, respectively, the fair half of humanity is most often affected by depressive and other negative mental states.

Lonely elderly people explain their condition by conservatism, which is characteristic of old age. Also, the reason for loneliness can be mental and emotional age-related changes, a narrow circle of friends. Retirement can provoke a state of emptiness and uselessness.

Signs of loneliness

In psychology, there is a list of symptoms that lonely people experience:

A state of depression, emptiness.
Lonely people feel a sense of isolation from the outside world - it seems to a person that close people have turned away from him.
Inability to find a common language with the people around. Lonely people feel the need for privacy.
A state of anxiety and aggression towards loved ones.
Depression is a frequent companion to loneliness.
Apathy.
Syndrome of vegetative-vascular dystonia, increase or decrease in blood pressure.

The consequences of prolonged loneliness

There is strong medical evidence that prolonged loneliness can lead to serious illnesses:

The stress associated with prolonged social isolation can lead to a decrease in the body's immune defenses, which can provoke an exacerbation of the patient's chronic diseases.
Depressive states can cause psychosomatic manifestations in the form of vegetative-vascular dystonia, heart failure and blood pressure.
If we are talking about a long absence of relations with the opposite sex, then violations can affect other organs. For women, these are diseases of the genital organs, diseases of the mammary glands and early onset of menopause. For men - diseases of the prostate and reproductive system, psychoemotional disorders.

Also, prolonged isolation can lead to a loss of social communication skills, and a person can no longer get out of a state of loneliness on their own. In such cases, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Ways to overcome loneliness

In the early stages, when the signs are not pronounced, loneliness can be cured with positive emotions. For example: new impressions, meeting with loved ones, new acquisitions, etc.

If a person is depressed and signs of depression appear, then in such cases an integrated approach is needed:

Identification of the cause of the patient's condition, consultation and treatment with a psychotherapist.
Elimination of physical signs, if psychosomatic disorders began to appear, such as: exacerbation of chronic diseases, malfunctioning of the heart and blood pressure, etc.
Support of loved ones is considered a mandatory moment in the treatment of a patient. There are cases when the climate in the family contributes to the emergence of depressive conditions - in such cases, the help of a family psychologist is required.

Every person is lonely in their own way

"In reality, man is a lonely being, and this is an indisputable fact of life." This is what the Estonian doctor and writer Luule Viilma writes.

There are many opinions about human loneliness. Since ancient times, great minds have glorified this feeling as the only way to cognize the world, and, on the contrary, warned descendants from the abyss of despair, calling this state inevitable social degradation.

The state of loneliness has not yet been studied deeply enough to give a clear description of this phenomenon. However, it is known for certain that every person has experienced this feeling at least once in his life - this may indicate that loneliness is not always a sign of a pathological condition, but perhaps, on the contrary, makes it possible to truly appreciate the beauty of human communication.

one of the psychogenic factors that affect the emotional state of a person who is in altered (unusual) conditions of isolation from other people.

When people get into conditions of loneliness, due to experimental, geographic, social or prison isolation, all direct, "live" connections with other people are interrupted, and this causes the appearance of acute emotional reactions. In some cases, psychological shock occurs, characteristic of anxiety, depression and accompanied by pronounced autonomic reactions.

To the extent of the duration of stay in conditions of loneliness, the need for communication is actualized. In response to the impossibility of satisfying it, people personify objects, animals (from spiders to horses), create imaginary partners (sometimes in the form of vivid eidetic images projected in a dream), talk to them aloud. These exteriorization reactions are assessed as protective (compensatory) and are considered within the boundaries of the psychological norm.

At the stage of unstable mental activity (-\u003e extreme psychology), when observing a subject in experiments using special equipment or prisoners through "eyes", a number of people develop unusual mental states manifested in painful experiences of bodily nudity or "openness of thoughts". Dominant ideas also appear and cases are noted when subjects confuse dreams with reality (realized dreams). As the duration of the harsh conditions of loneliness increases, at the stage of deep mental changes, ideas of overvalued, ideas of relationship, depersonalization experiences (split personality) and reactive hallucinations appear.

Loneliness

one of the psychogenic factors that affect the emotional state of a person who is in isolation from other people. In a number of cases of experimental, geographical, social isolation, a psychological shock occurs, characterized by increased anxiety, severe depression and accompanied by distinct autonomic reactions. As the time spent by a person in O. conditions increases, the need for communication becomes actual. In response to the impossibility of satisfying this need, people personify objects, various animals, create partners with the power of imagination (in some cases in the form of vivid eidetic images projected in a dream), with whom they begin to talk aloud. These exteriorization reactions are assessed as protective (compensatory) and do not go beyond the boundaries of the psychological norm. At the stage of unstable mental activity, when observing the subject in experiments with the help of special equipment or the prisoners through "eyes" ("publicity of loneliness" - ON Kuznetsov), a number of persons develop unusual mental states, manifested in painful experiences of bodily nudity or "openness of thoughts" ... At this stage, dominant ideas also appear and cases are noted when the subjects confuse dreams with reality (realized dreams). As the time spent in the harsh conditions of O. increases, at the stage of deep mental changes, overvalued ideas, ideas of attitudes, depersonalization experiences (split personality) and reactive hallucinations appear. IN AND. Lebedev

Loneliness

the state of a lonely person, which in general should be assessed as negative and unpleasant, in particular, in the case of a long stay without sufficient society, without full-fledged communication with people. As a feeling of loneliness, it is characterized by an increased desire for communication, the search for it; in the case of prolonged loneliness, a certain alienation towards people may occur, a desire for self-expression develops, and serious mental deviations may occur. Feelings of loneliness can be associated with resentment, cause it. Wed description of the state of Robinson Crusoe, who lived for a long time on a desert island in the work of the same name by D. Defoe.

Vera Lvovna was terrified and sad. For the first time in her life, today she came across a terrible consciousness that sooner or later comes into the head of every thoughtful person - the consciousness of that inexorable, impenetrable barrier that always stands between two close people ... Suddenly she felt such a deep inner melancholy, such a nagging consciousness of her loneliness that she wanted to cry. She remembered her mother, her brothers, her younger sister. Are they not just as alien to her as this handsome brunette with a gentle smile and gentle eyes, who is called her husband, is alien? Can she ever look at the world, how they look, see what they see, feel what they feel? .. (A. Kuprin, Loneliness)

But there is nothing worse than loneliness among people (S. Zweig, Letter from a Stranger).

Wed painting by M. Vrubel "Lilac", song by Hugo Wolf "Loneliness", "Song of the Earth" by G. Mahler (part of "Lonely in Autumn"), aria of Mr. X in I. Kalman's operetta "Princess of the Circus", American song "Lullaby of Leaves" ("Lullaby of Leaves").

Loneliness

special psyche. the state of the person arising from the frustration of his need for O. with other people, including confidential. It is characterized by the presence of decomp. according to the degree of intensity of individual experiences that have predominantly. negative emotional coloring. Od. trail is called. influences: 1) full or partial physical. and social isolation (accident; experiment; imprisonment; geographic / territorial isolation; lack of language skills; special conditions professional activity, limiting the possibility of O. or assuming O. only with a strictly limited contingent of people: astronauts, polar explorers, sailors, travelers, cavers, truck drivers, etc.); 2) violation, rupture or absence of significant social ties and personal relationships, emotional isolation (lack of trusting O. with loved ones, psychological alienation, misunderstanding by significant others; loss, divorce, disappointment, the departure of an adult child from the family, experienced psychotrauma, emigration, etc. etc.). A lonely person is separated from his own kind, close people. Most often, he experiences a trace. emotional states: discomfort, depression, depression, despair, unbearable boredom, melancholy, apathy, emptiness, feelings of guilt and regret in relation to the past, etc. The feelings of Od. may differ in the degree of their duration and stability. By analogy with anxiety, aggressiveness, shyness, Od. can be viewed as a passing state or as a personality trait. D. Perlman and L. E. Peplau (D. Perlman, L. Peplau) identified 8 theor. approaches to Od .: psychodynamic (Od. the result of early childhood influences on personality development), phenomenological (the reason for Od. is the discrepancy between the individual's ideas about his true and socially desirable I), existential-humanistic (Od. the essential state of a person, inherent in his very nature), sociological (Od. is a normative general statistical indicator characterizing society), interactionistic (Od. is the result of the interactive influence of personality and situation factors), cognitive (Od. is the result of a person's awareness of the dissonance between the desired and achieved level social contacts), intimate (O. arises as a result of a lack of intimacy in interpersonal relationships) and system-theoretic (O. is a feedback mechanism that helps to maintain a stable optimal level of social contacts). According to the criterion of the degree of isolation, absolute and relative Odes are distinguished. Absolute Od. involves sensory deprivation (a decrease in the influx of external stimuli and a significant decrease in their intensity of impact on the body), social deprivation (limitation of O.'s capabilities with other people, the absence or limitation of socially significant information, the impossibility of realizing sensory-emotional contacts) and the factor of "confinement" (being in a confined space, limiting the possibility of free movement). Forms of relative Od. vary depending on the presence and severity of each of these factors and their specificity. Depending on the dominant cause that caused O., a trace is distinguished. its types: interpersonal (due to dissatisfaction with existing relationships); social (arises as a result of rejection by the reference group), cultural (due to the rupture of ties between generations), cosmic (caused by the disruption of human ties with nature and the world). D. Weiss divides emotional and social O. The emotional is the result of the absence of intimate attachment, the social arises in response to the absence of significant friendships or a sense of community. Long-term experience of Od., Caused by forced social isolation, leads to inevitable changes in the psyche. activity: violation of the nature of the course of the psyche. processes, the development of reactive psychoses (V. I. Lebedev, L. P. Grimak, N. Yu. Khryashcheva, etc.). The person begins to talk aloud, communicate with imaginary partners, compensating for the so-called. lack of real O. The subject may experience hallucinations and a gradual split personality. To prevent the destructive consequences of prolonged isolation or reduce their severity, it is necessary to learn how to “structure time” (E. Bern) or “fill time with activity” (L. P. Grimak): rationally distribute excess free time, which allows you to maintain even biol. body functions for def. level. In this sense, decomp. kinds learning activitiesaimed at self-education (e.g. learning foreign languages); creative (literary, musical, etc.); game (for example, ludism: solving crosswords, puzzles, etc.). An important role in the emergence of the psyche. violations plays a person's awareness of possible changes in the psyche. condition. Voluntary social isolation or solitude, carried out consciously as an act of religion. self-improvement, or short-term self-isolation for better knowledge and understanding of oneself is characterized by the presence of neutral and positive experiences. Unlike forced, voluntary social isolation does not have a negative impact on the human psyche, but contributes to his self-development and self-improvement. LP Grimak believes that scientific and technical. progress, the emergence of new information technologies lead to an exacerbation of the feeling of loneliness in the XXI century., the emergence and development of various. forms of surrogate Od. (The Internet). Psychol. Od. as a subjective experience of a person of social isolation against the background of its objectively observed involvement in the dec. social relations are especially acute in adolescence, adolescence and retirement age, as well as during the midlife crisis (M. Clark, B. Anderson, I. S. Kon, Yu. M. Schwalb, O. V. Dancheva, etc.) ... Some psychologists consider social Od. one of the main. causes of suicide among young people. N. Sakhin believes that the feeling of Od. in adolescence and adolescence is an important component of the norms. growing up process. RG Henwood and S. Solano believe that the experience of Aude. at any age is associated with insufficient use of social networking strategies. Shyness, self-doubt, autism, alienation, inadequate self-esteem, aggressiveness, conflict, weak adaptive abilities, etc. are called among the personality traits that contribute to the emergence of Od. American psychologist J. Young identifies 12 possible causes of the emergence of chronic feelings of Od .: inability to endure forced seclusion, weak self-esteem, social anxiety, communicative incompetence, distrust of people, inability to self-disclose, constant difficulties in choosing partners, fear of being rejected, fear of emotional closeness, sexual anxiety, uncertainty in one's desires, inadequate claims. D. Raadshelders et al. we classified the types of emotionally lonely people: a) hopelessly lonely (with a feeling of abandonment, deprivation); b) periodically and temporarily lonely (with pronounced social activity); c) passively and steadily lonely (resigned to Od. and tired of him); d) not alone (do not experience Od. in some cases of social isolation, they rather resort to voluntary solitude). Lit .: Labyrinths of loneliness / Comp., Total. ed. and foreword. N.E. Pokrovsky. M., 1989; Grimak L.P. Communicating with yourself. M., 1991; He's the same. The coming century - the century of loneliness (to the problem of the Internet) // World of Psychology, 2000. No. 2; Lebedev V. I. Personality in extreme conditions. M., 1989; Shvalb Yu. M., Dancheva OV Loneliness. Kiev, 1991.E. V. Zinchenko

Loneliness

One of the psychogenic factors that affect the emotional state of a person who is in altered (unusual) conditions of isolation from other people. In some cases, a psychological shock occurs, characterized by anxiety, depression and accompanied by pronounced autonomic reactions. In the conditions of O. it is actualized in communication. In response to the impossibility of satisfying this need, people personify objects (dolls, etc.), various animals (from spiders to horses), create partners by the power of the imagination (in some cases in the form of bright eidetic (see) images projected in a dream), with to-rymi begin to talk out loud ... As the time spent in harsh conditions O. at the stage of deep mental changes, ideas of attitudes, depersonalization experiences (split personality) and reactive ones appear.

A short psychological dictionary. - Rostov-on-Don: "PHOENIX". L.A. Karpenko, A. V. Petrovsky, M. G. Yaroshevsky. 1998 .

Loneliness

One of the psychogenic factors that affect the emotional state of a person who is in altered (unusual) conditions of isolation from other people.

When people find themselves in conditions of loneliness, due to experimental, geographical, social or prison isolation, all direct, "live" connections with other people are interrupted, and this causes the appearance of acute emotional reactions. In a number of cases, psychological shock occurs, characteristic of anxiety, depression and accompanied by pronounced autonomic reactions.

At the stage of unstable mental activity ( cm. ), when observing the subject in experiments with the help of special equipment or for prisoners through "eyes", a number of people develop unusual mental states, manifested in painful experiences of bodily nudity or "openness of thoughts." Dominant ideas also appear and cases are noted when subjects confuse dreams with reality (realized dreams). As the duration of harsh conditions of loneliness increases, at the stage of deep mental changes, ideas of overvalued, ideas of relationships, depersonalization experiences (multiple personality disorder) and reactive hallucinations appear.

Dictionary practical psychologist... - M .: AST, Harvest... S. Yu. Golovin. 1998.

Loneliness

LONELINESS (from.417)

Solitude is to the soul what diet is to the body: moderate is beneficial, excessive is destructive. The cult of a slender figure has given rise to a craze for diets today, which, however, is not beneficial to anyone. The cult of the independent, self-sufficient personality has given rise to a different kind of diet, which is also more draining than invigorating. Millions of people around the world suffer from loneliness, from the loss of emotional connection with others. Hot lines of "hotlines" are red-hot from the calls of desperate people, deprived of the main human value - communication. Is isolation and alienation the inevitable price to pay for the progress of civilization?

In a sense, loneliness can even be beneficial. Albert Einstein, who spent much of his life in voluntary seclusion, said: “I don’t know better occupation for a scientist than guarding a lighthouse. " Einstein's scientific productivity is the best confirmation of his rightness. Indeed, for a full-fledged creative Activity, solitude is simply necessary. Without these hours, days and months of loneliness, not a single creator, not a single inventor could achieve significant results, maximize their potential.

Solitude is extremely useful for rethinking your relationships with people, for realizing the value of communication. Some peoples have a custom to leave young men who have reached a certain age alone for a while. This challenge teaches a lot for growing men. Young men begin to understand how difficult it is to survive alone, how meaningless life is when you exist only for yourself. The young man begins to appreciate and cherish his connections with people more.

One of the Japanese self-help systems has a test called moritao. It is considered the most difficult, although the person does not undergo any physical hardship. He must retire to the cave for a week or more, and it is forbidden to even talk to himself. Those who have gone through this test then rejoice at every meeting and conversation, but what is most interesting is that their desire is not so much to talk as to listen and empathize.

That is why a person needs to be alone sometimes. In a state of voluntary loneliness, we, as never before, can clearly rethink our relationships with other people, listen to our thoughts, flowing freely and fully, not embarrassed by any noise or everyday fuss.

However, as the ancients said, everything is a medicine, and everything is poison - only the measure is important. Obviously, loneliness can heal. But what is the threat of an "overdose" of this medicine?

In 1895, the English traveler Joshua Slokum retired from the world of on their own... On his yacht "Spray" he performed trip around the world, which lasted two years, two months and two days. Many lonely sailors later repeated his words: “I felt hopelessly alone. I was scared. Any danger, even the smallest, in my mind grew to insurmountable. Everything was confused in memory. Laughing and crying voices continuously told me different stories ... "

Richard Bard also retired at will. In 1938, he spent six months in a hut among the ice of Antarctica. On himself, he set up a kind of experiment, trying to find out how long-term solitude affects a person. The difficulties of everyday life did not frighten the researcher, besides, he really loved peace and quiet.

But after three months, the brave and trained Bard fell into a deep depression. “I think that a person cannot do without communication with other people, just as he cannot live without phosphorus and calcium ... - he later admitted. - All actions seemed to me incomplete, incomplete, aimless, devoid of connection with inner experiences or desires ... Hundreds of bitter, obsessive memories flooded over me at night ... My thoughts demanded fewer and fewer words, I didn’t cut my hair for months, became distracted ... "

Once cold-blooded, Bard began to be afraid of literally everything: whether the ceiling would fall on him, whether he would be angry from the stove. The food became irregular. He stopped washing. In those days, he will write: "I was looking for peace and spiritual enrichment here, but now I clearly see that I am finding only disappointment and hopelessness ..."

This fact confirms that a healthy, normal person who is forced to live like a hermit for several months falls into a deep depression and begins to lose the skills of elementary everyday culture.

And this is understandable. The conditions in which a person was formed determined his social essence. Alone, he could easily have died. Belonging to the human community was important condition his survival. Everything in a person strengthened his bonds with other people. And anyone who, for some reason, prefers to move away from people, sooner or later admits that one of Hemingway's heroes is right: "A man alone cannot do a damn thing ..."

The practice of psychotherapists and counseling psychologists testifies: more and more often those who, it would seem, have no reason to complain about loneliness. A young man living with his parents, a young man who has not yet created a family, but living in a close community of a student hostel, and an adult with a family and children can feel lonely. That is, loneliness is not so much a formal "extrasocial" state as a psychological feeling that people can experience even in a situation of very intense communication.

From such a feeling, which can cause neuroses and depression, doctors do not know the cure. The only thing that can help is finding a way to people, establishing full-fledged relationships with others. Many are deprived of this through their own fault. Consciously or unconsciously, they erect barriers between themselves and other people. A person's insatiable need for self-affirmation or his unjustifiably overestimated self-esteem, when the focus is only on his own success, can give rise to deep loneliness.

A person who is completely focused on their feelings can also be very lonely. Continuously delving into his problems, he listens only to himself. The events of his own life and his inner state seem to him exceptional. He is suspicious, full of foreboding and often focused on the negative aspects of life. His anxiety does not go away when surrounded by people. On the contrary, he sometimes perceives anyone he meets as a potential bearer of danger. Such a person rarely evokes sympathy.

Finally, a shy person, full of complexes, who underestimates the dignity of his personality and is afraid that he will not be interesting to others, can become lonely. Therefore, he prefers to keep in the shadows. Busy with their problems, those around him do not reject him, but more often than not they simply do not notice. Having gone into his shell, he vainly expects to be understood, that someone will guess how he needs a friend.

Can you help these people? Sometimes this requires the help of a qualified psychologist. But a sane person is able to overcome his alienation himself, if he realizes the absurdity of those barriers that separate him from those around him.

Popular psychological encyclopedia. - M .: Eksmo... S.S. Stepanov. 2005.

Synonyms:

See what "loneliness" is in other dictionaries:

loneliness - Loneliness ... Dictionary of synonyms of the Russian language

LONELINESS - No one wants to be alone, even in paradise. Italian saying To be an adult is to be alone. Jean Rostand Man cannot live alone, and in the same way he cannot live in society. Georges Duhamel When it comes to the most important, a person is always alone ... Consolidated encyclopedia of aphorisms

Loneliness - Solitude ♦ Solitude Not the same as isolation. To be isolated means to be cut off from other people - to have no acquaintances, no friends, no loved ones. This is an abnormal condition for a person, almost always experienced extremely ... ... Philosophical Dictionary Sponville

loneliness - alone .. Dictionary of Russian synonyms and expressions similar in meaning. under. ed. N. Abramova, M .: Russian dictionaries, 1999. loneliness, loneliness, orphanhood Dictionary of synonyms of the Russian language. Practical guide. M .: Russian language. Z. E. ... ... Synonym dictionary

"Loneliness" - "LONELY", verse. early L. (1830), the theme to rogo, enriching and becoming more complex, will then pass through all his work as one of the constant motives (see. Loneliness in Art. Motives), reflecting the contradictions between the poet and the world around him. Poem.… … Lermontov Encyclopedia

Why does a person not enjoy living alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

The feeling of loneliness is familiar to everyone, and it is different for everyone. It can be the loneliness of a woman or a man in anticipation of a relationship. Or the loneliness of a person who finds himself in an unfamiliar place, far from his family and friends. Or there may be a constant state of loneliness, when even among people and surrounded by loved ones, a person feels lonely. This is loneliness, from which neither friendship, nor marriage, nor work in a team can save.

Generally, feeling alone is a source of discomfort for a person. He may feel melancholy, despair from the feeling of being unnecessary, and even depression.

Why is this so? Why does a person not enjoy living alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.

What is the feeling of loneliness?

A person feels lonely when they lose touch with other people. On the one hand, we cannot live without people, because we do not live alone, even if we think so. We live in a society, interact with each other and survive only together. At a deep psychic level, we are all united by a single unconscious. All our troubles, but all our joys come from other people.

On the other hand, at a certain point in his development, a person felt his own uniqueness, separation from other people. This feeling can be expressed by the words “there is nobody but me”.

That is why from that moment on, humanity embarked on the path of the "curse of loneliness." Since then, we unconsciously search for the lost connections and cannot find. Man is lonely "from a stinking diaper to a stinking shroud." And in modern world individualism, the suffering of loneliness only gets worse.

However, not everyone is aware of this deep loneliness. Most often it is felt in certain life situations - for example, when loved ones leave or in a foreign country, when familiar connections are lost. But there are people who experience the pangs of loneliness especially strongly. Systemic vector psychology distinguishes between two main types of loneliness:

visual loneliness;
sonic loneliness.

Loneliness is terrible, eerie and unbearable

This is how the owners define their inner state when they find themselves alone with themselves. Bright extroverts, they see the meaning of their life in communication, love, creating emotional connections with other people. That is why, when these connections are not there, they especially feel melancholy. They feel bad and painful alone. The breakdown of the emotional connection is experienced by them as severe stress.

When the visual vector is not realized, its owner can experience numerous fears, including the fear of loneliness. He is afraid that in old age there will be no one to give him a glass of water. Driven by this fear, the visual person can agree to any relationship, just not to be in a state of loneliness.

Loneliness as a way of life

The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»