I can not live after the death of my mother. How to survive the death of mom: practical advice and opinion of psychologists

The death of parents is one of the most severe shocks in the life of any person. And although you are unlikely to be able to completely forget about it, there are ways to return to life by honoring the memory of the deceased. It is important to give yourself time to get used to the fact that there is no longer a mother or father, but not get stuck in this feeling of longing and sadness. Sorrow has no time limits, so you can return to your usual life when you feel that you are ready.

Steps

Part 1

Acceptance of one’s feelings

Do not rush to discard sadness. Do not rush yourself and set a time limit after which you will return to normal life. In the Victorian era in the UK, 2-4 years were allocated for mourning. And although you do not have to follow this example, remember that you can recover in a few weeks or months, but it is likely that you will need more time, so do not set a time frame. Be patient.

Remember that sorrow is a process. Most likely, you will experience for a very long time, although over time this feeling will begin to weaken. Do not rush yourself.

Remember that a deceased parent would like you to continue living. There is nothing abnormal in that you are depressed, but your parent loved you and would not want his death to maim your life. Gradually start doing things that brought you pleasure again. Of course, this is not easy, but do not forget that your parents feel good when you feel good. This does not mean that you should bury all your feelings deeper, but you should try again to enjoy the usual things.
- If you feel completely crushed by the loss and cannot immediately return to business, the memory of the deceased should not cause you to feel guilty for your inability to gather.
Keep the deceased parent in mind. He will always be a big part of your life, no matter what happens, even if he died. Record your memories because time erases many things from memory. Know that father or mother will never leave your heart. You can find solace in the memories, but do not worry about the fact that you can’t remember any small details.
- Talk to people who knew their father or mother, so you will have more memories. From time to time, you can talk about the deceased to those who were not familiar with him.
- Ask relatives questions to understand what your parent’s life was like. This will make memories more vivid, and you will feel the connection to a new level.
Take care of yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself. Have more rest, be distracted by something and stop criticizing yourself at least for a while. Although you may be so absorbed in your grief that it will not be so important for you in what condition you yourself are, you need to sleep at least 7-8 hours a day, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner and maintain at least a minimum level of physical activity. Most likely, you will need energy to cope with the loss, therefore, taking care of your body, you will feel better.
- Of course, sleep and food will not save you from thinking about the death of your mother or father, but thanks to them it will be easier for you to do routine tasks.
Find out what causes your bouts of depression. It’s important to understand when you’re having the hardest time and when you need additional support. For example, if you lost your mother, you may want to spend more time with your family and friends on Mother's Day; In addition, you may be frustrated with the things you usually did with her (for example, going to the store to shop). If you understand when it becomes unbearably sad for you, you can plan your day in advance so as not to be alone.

Do not get hung up on the five stages of sorrow. Indeed, there are five stages (denial, anger, attempts to negotiate, depression and acceptance), but this does not mean that you need to go through all five stages, and in that order to recover from grief. At first you can feel a sharp longing, then a denial, and there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone experiences grief in their own way.

Do not make quick, rash decisions. The death of a parent may make you think that your marriage does not make sense, that your career does not lead anywhere, or that you need to give up everything and go to grow chickens in the village. Although all these thoughts may have good reason, you should not make impulsive decisions or act until you feel that you are ready to weigh and evaluate everything again. It is unlikely that a sudden decision will help you survive death more quickly, but you can accidentally make a choice, which you will later regret.

Part 3

Back to life

Change your routine. When you can return to your usual activities, change your schedule. If you do everything exactly as you did before, at certain times of the day you will feel a sharp longing for the departed parent. Make changes to the daily routine: if you usually work at home, move to a cafe; if in the evening you usually talked with mom, do yoga at this time. This does not mean that you should avoid everything related to the memories of the parent - you just need to change something, and you you can recover from loss faster.

Try something completely new. Sign up for drawing lessons that you have been eyeing for a long time, meet new people or download a new series. Indulge yourself. You do not have to do something that will certainly enrich you spiritually or physically.

Do things you always liked. It is important not only to try something new, but also not to forget about your favorite activities. Perhaps you like to draw, write poetry or bake cakes. Do not deny yourself these hobbies just because it seems to you that you are now too upset for this. Soon you will notice that you again enjoy these activities, albeit very slightly.
- If you are still not ready to do something that you did with your deceased parent (for example, hiking or jogging in the morning), bring a friend with you if you really want to return to these activities.
Give up alcohol for a while. Now is not the right time to drink and dance with friends. Alcoholic drinks will help you forget about problems for a while, but alcohol is a depressant, and it can only make you worse (either when it starts to weather, or the next day). You can drink a little if you want it, but do not allow the excessive influence of alcohol on your physical and mental condition. If you are taking medications, find out if they are compatible with alcohol.
Occupy yourself with something. Fill your days with useful activities. Meet with friends at least once a week, chat with people. Leave home at least twice a day under any conditions. It is important to work or study, do housework, play sports. If an interesting event is planned, do not refuse to participate, because this is what you will look forward to. An active life will help you recover from loss faster, even if you have to push yourself forward.
- You should not be busy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Plan the time you spend alone with yourself. You should sometimes be alone to think about yours, even if these thoughts are not joyful.
Do quiet things - this is very important. Indulge yourself, do what makes you feel better.
- Write your thoughts in a diary. Daily notes let you organize your thoughts.
- Try yoga and methidation. This will help you free your mind and body.
- Spend more time in the sun. Leave the cafe and read in nature - a little sunshine and fresh air are never superfluous.
- Reread your favorite books. They can comfort you.
- Listen to calm music (nothing too heavy and loud).
- Go for a walk. Do outdoor sports.
Do not rush yourself. It can take you months or even years to become yourself again, and it’s extremely important not to rush. If you have goals and your eyes are directed to the future, you can take small steps forward even without the support of your parents. And although you will never completely forget about your loss, over time you will be able to build new relationships with the deceased parent.
- Do not force yourself. Listen to what your heart and mind tell you. If you are not ready for big steps, do not rush yourself - this is much better than putting yourself under even more stress. It is important to remember that everything will ever be fine, even if it takes more time than you think.

Read other people's stories - this will help you find your way. Ask people questions, read the memoirs of famous people about how they survived the death of a loved one, talk with a spiritual mentor.

Everyone knows the catch phrase "no one is forever ...". They try to reassure people who are experiencing the loss of loved ones. But unfortunately, there is no relief from her. Living further becomes difficult, but longing and depression do not recede. Memories torment during the day, and tears and aching pain in the heart in the evening. Then you need to think about how to calm down after the death of a loved one.

How to survive the death of a loved one

Improve your condition

Usually people find it difficult to say anything, and are afraid of such a situation. In order to reassure a person who survived the death of a loved one, one must speak genuine, natural words to him. Fussing and trying to entertain him with conversation is strictly prohibited. Sometimes a mourner just wants to be silent, then it’s better to just sit next to him, hug him. Tactile contact is important with support, it will greatly improve the state of the mourner. It so happens that a person himself begins to talk a lot, talk about his pain, in this case, you need not to interfere with him and give a full talk. It is not recommended to pronounce the following phrases: do not cry, calm down, do not be so depressed, everything will pass, you will still improve your life.

Tactile contact is important with support.

It must be taken into account that when a person finds out about a loss, at first it seems to him to be untrue. Therefore, some statements addressed to the deceased will be insulting and even insulting to him. They can be perceived as a betrayal. At this time, the feelings of the mourner are aggravated and you need to correctly inform him about what is happening and what to do next.

The response to such a message may be hysteria, and in some cases deep calm. Such calm is a normal reaction caused by shock, it is a kind of protection of the psyche. It is also possible that stress will begin to cause hair loss. Later, an awareness of what happened will come, which will be accompanied by a sense of loss and tears, and this must be experienced. Over time, the pain will subside and good memories will remain.

Stages of experience

Sadness after the loss of a loved one has specific phases and it is important to go through them in order to find peace of mind. Children, friends and spouse after the death of her husband go through the same stages. To know how to get out of stress after a funeral, you need to understand the features of these stages. It is important to understand that a normal process is going on in the soul of a person on the way to returning to a previous life. If any of the stages is delayed, then it is necessary to resort to the help of a psychologist. There are five stages in total:

Shock, misunderstanding of the situation.
Negation.
Acceptance of loss, living heartache.
Pain relief.
Reiteration.

Misunderstanding of the situation

At the first stage, it seems impossible for a person to accept the loss, as a rule, he refuses to believe in what happened. The grieving person does not understand well who he is and why he is here. It is important not to focus on his misunderstanding, because this is a normal reaction for such a situation. You can give him sedatives, hold his hand, do not leave him alone.

The latter is important because there may be attempts to leave after the deceased, and soothing phrases here are not able to help. It is necessary to give the person to cry, no need to try to quickly remove him from the tomb. It is necessary to let the mourner go through a state of sorrow.

Negation

At the second stage, the person is already aware of the loss, but his subconscious mind still refuses to accept it. Therefore, he can see the deceased among a mass of people or hear his steps. You can not be scared of this. If a dead person dreams, then this is not bad, because in a dream there is a kind of meeting with him and it becomes easier. If the deceased does not dream, then somewhere the blocking process has occurred and the mourner needs help. It is necessary to speak as much as possible with the grieving, to support him. If this does not help, then you need to convince him of the need to consult a specialist. Often a person says that he cannot calm down and cries. It is important to ensure that this does not happen all the time.

Adoption

In the third stage, pain is accepted and lived. It goes in waves, and a feeling is created that the pain either disappears or comes with renewed vigor. After living grief for about 4 months, psychological exhaustion may occur. Then there are sensations that a favorable period will never come, it will not be as before. Perhaps the appearance of guilt before the deceased. A person begins to think that he could change something, but the fact of death cannot be changed, and all that remains is to put up with it. An aggression directed at others may also be born. The mourner begins to search for the guilty and blames anyone.

Support from loved ones

The feelings described above are important for recovery, but only on condition that they last a short period. Therefore, for successful completion of this stage, support from relatives is necessary.

Fading pain

At the stage of pain relief, the close person is completely perceived as dead. A gradual addiction to a new life is being built. Getting to know other people becomes easier, a person begins to look at the world through a new prism devoid of sadness. If all the steps have been completed correctly, then they remember what the deceased was during his life, remember the pleasant moments associated with him. It seems to a person that he has completely learned to manage his misfortune.

Reiteration

During the second year after the sad event, all the stages experienced are repeated, but in a milder form. On the day of the first anniversary, a second sensation of grief is possible, but the difference is that a person has already learned to control this feeling, and in the middle of the second year, a feeling of guilt before the deceased can be repeated.

If all stages go well, then by the end of the second year the sorrow ends. This does not mean that they forget about the deceased, it just becomes easier to perceive the absence of this loved one in the life and remember only the good moments associated with him.

Help your child survive the loss

It is especially difficult for a small child to survive the death of a loved one. In the absence of correct explanations and accompaniment, this can lead to depression and leave a mark for life. To help the child survive the death of a loved one, you should certainly turn to a good psychologist who can help the baby get through the pain correctly and return to normal life.

It is difficult for a child to survive the death of a loved one

Often adults do not know how to survive stress after the death of a relative. It is necessary to tell the truth, and it is important to do it in a timely manner - this will help to cope with stress faster. Because the baby sees that something happened, so there is no sense in hiding, this will only aggravate the situation. If you tell him later, he will not have the opportunity to go through the stages of experiencing death, along with everyone. It will be more difficult not only for the child, but also for the people who take care of him. Therefore, you need to tell the child the truth.

If the baby first encountered such a situation, then the funeral ritual for him will be incomprehensible, which means that you need to honestly tell him about everything.

There is no single answer to the question of whether to take a child to a funeral. Some take very small children with them, and some do not want to take even adult children. However, if the child asks to take him with him, it is recommended to listen to him, because this is the only opportunity to see a loved one who has passed away.

Experiencing grief, the baby can cry a lot, be sad, depressed. Psychologists advise to treat this with understanding. But, if the child laughs out loud during the funeral process, you can not scold him, because the kids are always drawn to something bright and joyful, and you can not take it from them.

Conclusion

To find peace after the death of a loved one, you need time and help. Mourners often try to alleviate grief, but this is almost impossible and not necessary. Do not interfere with the passage of all stages. It is necessary to support a person after the death of people close to him

The death of a loved one is a difficult test for each of us. Especially when it comes to mom. Even people with a stable psyche and willpower need time and moral support to survive the death of their mother.

Sort out your feelings

First of all, you need to understand that in any case, you can cope with grief. Some take several weeks to do this, while others take several years. Do not compare yourself with anyone and do not rush to pretend that everything is working out. In time, you will realize that sorrow is receding. Remember: Mom always wanted you to be happy and calm. Try to understand that she would not want your sorrow. Begin to slowly return to your usual life and do not blame yourself for it. The closest person would never be upset that you crave happiness.

First of all, you need to understand that in any case you can cope with grief

How to survive the death of mom? To take the loss will help memories. Maximize the image of a loved one, not only in memory but also on paper - write down everything you remember about her. Also, occasionally tell the deceased to other people. So her image will not dissipate for a long time. Ask your family and friends about your mom. Their stories will make your memories more vibrant and colorful. Remember that it is impossible to remember everything to the smallest detail, so do not reproach yourself if you forgot something.

Regular and full sleep will help to cope with stress and survive the death of mom. Take it on 7-8 hours a day. So you will not overwork and will be able to adequately assess your condition. Do not forget about taking care of yourself - try to look as usual, but do not be too hard on yourself. If grief has so swallowed you so that complete apathy has come, allow yourself to forget about everything for a short time. As soon as you feel the strength in yourself, try to restore the usual daily routine. Some things in it may resemble mom. Make a to-do list in such a way that in moments of acute anguish you are in the company of people who can provide support.

Avoid being alone

Required tell your feelings about your friend. At some point, you will want to hide from the whole world and just be silent, but it is in this situation that you need to communicate with a loved one. Do not demand too much from him, because he may not know what to answer or how to console. If a person does not understand you, do not move away from him, but simply speak out. Over time, it will become comfortable for you to communicate, and this will greatly facilitate the state of grief. You should not go to parties or birthdays if you experience discomfort. The atmosphere of the holiday may seem to you inappropriate and even offensive. Communicate with close relatives, the loss shocked them too. If the second parent is near you, pay special attention to him. Together it will be easier for you to survive the grief.

Find spiritual and psychological support

Do not despair if it is very difficult for you and you cannot cope with the state of grief on your own. In this case, contact an outsider who will provide psychological or spiritual support. At psychoanalysis sessions, a specialist will help to understand yourself and return to normal life. The advice of a psychologist will give impetus to the fight against the oppressed state. It may happen that the sessions will be held regularly for several months or years. Remember - the main thing is that you feel comfortable.

If you are a believer, then contact the church, talk with the priest. Many who have lost a loved one order a magpie for the deceased. The atmosphere of the temple will help to collect your thoughts, strengthen your spirit. In addition, you can communicate with parishioners who will be able to support in this difficult life situation. You can attend a psychologist and a church at the same time.

Change your habitual life

As soon as you feel the strength to move on, change your usual daily routine. If you haven’t left home before, head to the cafe. Change the place where you constantly walk, shop at another supermarket. Any little thing can remind you that mom is no longer around, so try to keep yourself busy all day with routine chores - this is very distracting. Find a new hobby: positive emotions from unfamiliar hobbies are one way to deal with depression. Get a pet: a dog, a cat, or at least a parrot. In addition to the fact that you will have to radically change your schedule, you will also begin to take care of the animal. It also helps to integrate into a new life rhythm.

When a loved one dies, especially parents, mother, grief seems unbearable, a person simply falls into shock. The first thought is that this cannot be! How so? What next? Even if mother was ill for a long time and the demise was a foregone conclusion, doubts about the reality of what was happening did not immediately disappear. It is necessary to get used to the idea that a loved one, such an important and unique person in life is no longer nearby. Sorrow appears, and it is replaced by the thought of your guilt before the dead, of the fact that you did not behave that way, were not there when dying, did not pay enough attention, could not help, etc. According to psychologists, grief goes through 7 stages, after which a person who has lost his parents comes to his senses and begins to live on. ?

Mourning, grief, depression after the death of the mother is a natural reaction of a normal person. After all, with mom was connected all the best that a person has, her love has always guarded and protected you. Without a mother, a person feels orphaned. But if the state of grief drags on, disrupting the whole way of life, destroying the person himself, then we are talking about depression.

The grief after the death of a loved one, according to psychologists, goes through several stages:

Negation.
Depression.
Acceptance of what happened.
Rebirth.
Creating a new life.

Denial and anger

The basis of the 1st stage is fear, a person is afraid of what has happened, does not know what and how will happen next, sometimes people can fall into a daze, become inadequate. They deny death, do not believe in what happened. Distract them at this moment, force them to do the funeral, commemoration, do not give them the opportunity to go inside, do not leave alone, talk to them. It’s not necessary to reassure and console, they all the same do not perceive you, it will not help them. A person at home comes across the things of the deceased, can hear her voice, see in a dream, in a crowd - this is a normal reaction to the mountain, this should not be scared.

This stage ends with the awareness of the death of a loved one, after which the next one, stage 2, is anger and resentment: everything that happened is unfair, a feeling of hatred is projected onto the whole world. Why did this happen, for what? Why exactly with her, with mom? Envy: why are others alive and go to work, down the street, as if nothing had happened? It is not right! Emotions can be like a storm depending on how often and with what force a person splashes them out.

Guilt and depression

Stage 3 - guilty feelings: moments of communication are recalled, and there is always the thought that they were not careful enough why they were not there at the time of death, did not hold their hands, did not say goodbye, did little to help not die. For some, this feeling of guilt remains for life, even when everything has passed, but it depends, apparently, on the subtlety of human nature.

The next stage is depression: a person gives up, he has no more strength to hide his emotions, he is energetically exhausted, very sad, does not believe that he can be reborn, avoids sympathy, does not give way to negative thoughts and becomes even more unhappy from this; a feeling of emptiness can be strongly expressed. Then comes the acceptance of what happened, and with the adoption, relief and reduction of pain: the person is reconciled with what happened. Anger and depression begin to let go, weaken, a person feels that he is able to pull himself together and start a new life, although without a mother. To get a person out of the situation, he needs help.

Rebirth

In any case, after the death of a mother or other close person, the next stage begins - rebirth: an understanding of the need to accept new conditions comes, the survivor of the loss goes into himself, becomes silent, uncommunicative, as if analyzing something. This period is perhaps the longest, it can last up to several years.

At the last, 7th stage, a person changes, all stages of grief are passed, life has become different, it has reached a new level. Many strive to make new friends, supporters, change their environment. Some move to another city, change jobs, so that nothing returns to the past. A person understands that life goes on, he begins to realize that death was liberation for his mother, and then he is already worried not about her, but about the fact that she is not with him.

But 7 stages do not always go through, sometimes a person remains at the stage of depression, fixed on his tragedy. Apathy becomes a sign of depression after loss: everything is drawn in black, interest in life disappears, a person does not return from the past, he remembers the departed, communicates with him in thoughts, there may be sleep disturbances or insomnia, mechanical absorption of food or refusal of it, longing , anxiety, feeling of hopelessness, desire to die. If there are at least 3 of these symptoms and it has been lasting for more than 3-6 months, the diagnosis of depression is made. Depression after death is stronger when a person witnesses the sudden death of a loved one.

Depression no longer goes away with the usual crying of tears, a person may not remember the reasons for his condition, so everything becomes hopeless for him. In a usual situation, when a person is still in grief, he can allow moments of joy, but this is not the case with depression, longing and despair are constant. In depression, there is a constant feeling of guilt, inhibition of thinking and motor skills, speech is slowed down, there may be hallucinations, apathy, indifference to the environment, even dirt in the house, inactivity, constipation develop. Often added tearfulness, expectation of problems and troubles.

In such cases, they turn to a psychologist and psychiatrist. Psychotherapy is often effective and helps to get out of the situation after the death of loved ones. How can a therapist help you? To be near at moments of experience, to help you go through all stages, to restore strength after loss, to maintain mental health and to prevent the consequences of grief.

According to psychologists, the recovery of the psyche, when the memories already cease to be sharply painful, occurs after 9 months. Until then, you need not be left alone. Be surrounded by relatives, people close to you, with whom you can remember, be sad. No wonder they say that divided grief is a half-hearted grief. Engage in a funeral, commemoration, housing, inheritance - this will distract you. If it’s very difficult, do not forbid yourself to cry, burn, tears clear. Change the situation, go on vacation or, conversely, immerse yourself in work. Do not resort to alcohol or sedatives - mental recovery is impaired.

Remove mom’s things from view, so as not to upset yourself, visit the grave, do not restrain yourself if you cannot bear it. Do not be shy of your grief and its manifestations, in this state a person is helpless and resembles a child. People need to listen, let them talk, talk about their pain. A diary helps a lot in these cases, write down all your experiences in it, re-read and analyze what has been written. Do not cultivate guilt.

Another way is to write a letter to mom, she will take over all the unsolicited letter, you need this, not her. It will not be funny that there is nowhere to send it, then you can just burn it.

There is another method: using two cans. Make a lot of multi-colored pieces of paper, and when you remember something good about a departed person, write literally 2 words on a piece of paper, roll it into a ball and throw it in a “good” jar. So it is with the “bad” - a bank of grievances. When your “good” bank is full is up to you. Put it in a place that is visible to you, and now all the good things will be before your eyes. And with a “bad” jar - the day will come when no offense will be remembered, then burn the balls in it, and you will be free.

Find a new hobby, do general housework, do not do something that would remind you of a loss. Make yourself move, communicate, go outdoors, participate in pleasant events. Master the technique of deep breathing, relaxation, engage in meditation, start doing gymnastics in the morning, walk, sleep 7-9 hours a day. This will help you cope with the pain of death of loved ones and move on. Do not let grief turn into depression.

Memories soften the blow. Change your thinking, because any problem can be reformulated with a plus sign. Mom died of cancer - she freed herself from pain, got peace, does not suffer anymore. No one can fundamentally change life after loss, but it is possible to gradually recover and recover. To live in the present, you need to make an effort, ask for help - this is natural. If they turn to you, take the time to listen to the person in grief, support him. Be patient with yourself and others; experiences last longer than people realize.

Remember the usual daily routine for you, go shopping, start performing household chores. Do not set yourself difficult tasks, postpone their implementation until better times. A small child lives inside each person, and you must definitely talk to him as an adult with a baby and convince him that you are not to blame for the death of your mother. And no one is to blame. Persuade him until the feeling of relief comes, until the feeling of guilt recedes, the mind and soul calm down.

Anyone who has left always has unfinished business, deal with them, settle everything - this will also give you strength. Do not close in 4 walls, you need to go out to people. Sorrow, renunciation of reality is not a way out, not an indicator of the power of love, but a manifestation of egoism. Let you be interested in life near living.

Treatment

Sometimes there is a need for the help of doctors - do not hesitate to contact them, in such cases, treatment is carried out in a hospital, under the supervision of medical staff.

Of the drugs used by various methods, antidepressants, tranquilizers, and sometimes antipsychotics can be called. Physiotherapy, vitamin therapy, nootropics, the correct regimen of the day, the help of a psychologist - all this helps to get out of depression completely and without relapse, because we are talking about reactive etiology.

Any of us goes through losses. At such moments it is important not to let yourself plunge into the abyss of despair, to find the strength to survive. It turns out that time really heals and opens up new colors of the world. After all, spring always comes after winter, whether we want it or not. With memories of mom, let there be only bright sadness and gratitude that she was with you. The departed are always invisibly present, as long as people remember them.

You cannot live in the past, if you want to take only the good from the past, think more about others and very little about yourself, and then there will be no getting stuck in the grief. Surviving grief does not mean forgetting about it, but learning to live fully after a loss.

“You truly become yourself that day when you lose your parents”

Henri de Monterlan

How to survive the death of mom? Talking about the death of a loved one is always difficult. Especially when it comes to the most dear person. It’s impossible to accept such a loss. Mom is support, understanding, care, forgiveness, love. There are no more such people in the world, and never will be. But we must continue to live.

The first thing you need to realize is that each of us at some point buries our parents. This is the natural course of things. And although not a single tip will reduce the pain of loss, it is important to read the opinion of psychologists on this subject. You need to know how to build your life further, what to lean on, where to find an outlet, how to let go.

How to deal with loss?

Regardless of age, the death of a mother always makes you feel like a little child who was abandoned, left forever. He is terrified of what happened, does not understand what to do next. It is not easy to get rid of this sensation.

Every effort must be made to come to terms with reality - mom is no more. Now mom (or dad) is you. Future or present, it doesn’t matter. You have already matured, and what happened was inevitable. Sooner or later, your mother would die. Of course, you would like her to stay longer with you, to be more happy, not to suffer, etc. Most likely, you did not manage to say goodbye properly, did not say or did not do the main thing. You feel guilty. Maybe this is what eats you the most?

In fact, suffering from the loss of a mother, a person is seized with self-pity. He thinks: “I feel so bad that I will no longer see her, I will not hug her, I will not talk”, “no one else will love me like my mother”, “they deprived me of the most important support, support, understanding”. Yes this is true. But constantly being in these thoughts is wrong.

It is necessary to direct all the pain into a creative channel. You can become truly close with children. Give love to the remaining living relatives. Start writing beautiful poems (or engage in other creativity). Of course, this will not return mom. But it will help to establish peace in the soul.

The opinion of psychologists

Psychologists say that after the death of parents, a person suffers greatly for about a year. Then the emotions subside, and interest in life gradually returns.

In order for the pain to really subside, it is important to go through all the stages of “grief”:

Important. Nature has laid the natural mechanism for living grief. Interfering with or neglecting it is fraught with consequences. A person can get stuck at a certain stage, which means plunging into prolonged depression. No wonder our ancestors invited professional mourners to the funeral. They helped to tune in the right way. Therefore, the first time you need to step aside from all important matters, take a vacation, send to stay with the children to cry enough. In this case, it is categorically not recommended to suppress the experience with alcohol, sleeping pills or sedatives.

To survive the death of a mother is very difficult. It is doubly harder to do it alone. That is why we have gathered the advice of those who have overcome such grief. Perhaps they will be useful for you:

Author's advice. Often severe pain of loss is associated with understatement. You did not have time to tell your mother how much you love her, ask for forgiveness, thank you. To get rid of these thoughts, start writing letters. After writing, immediately burn them. You will definitely feel better!

It takes time to survive mother’s death and let it go. Of course, you will never be able to completely forget about your loss. But the day will surely come when you think not “what a pity that mom left”, but “what a blessing that she was!”

Arina, Petrozavodsk