Tom Butler-Boudon Don't worry about trifles ... All these are trifles of life. Richard Carlson (review)

Many people are characterized by constant anxiety. They can worry about absolutely insignificant issues that are not even worth their attention. Increased anxiety can accompany a person even after the problem has disappeared. In general, constant anxiety over trifles is appropriate to refer to the category of mental disorders. With age, such a mental deficiency begins to manifest itself in eighty percent of people.

In the presence of increased anxiety, a person loses the ability to enjoy the little things in life. And in general, such a state cannot bring positive consequences for a person, therefore, it is necessary to get rid of it as soon as possible.

You can learn to feel safe and secure. To do this, it is pertinent to pay attention to the recommendations below.

Solve problems as they arise

Most of a person's fears are due to the unknown and the inability to predict the future. In constant worry about the future outcome of the case, the person simply loses touch with the present moment. But the life of any of us takes place in the present moment and in the place where the person is now. Of course, sometimes you need to think about the future. But even today, you need to learn how to achieve at least small results. The successes of today will ultimately create a reliable platform for a person to achieve more ambitious achievements in the future.

Each new day must be used for yourself with maximum benefit. Such a habit will allow unnecessary nervousness to remove itself, and you will not even notice how you have learned to enjoy your own life to the fullest.

Imagine the worst case

If your concern is driven by a specific problem, then try to imagine what such a terrible thing could happen if things don't go well. Imagine the worst that this problem can cause. You will find that you are unnecessarily provoking fear. Most likely, even with an unfortunate coincidence of circumstances, you will remain alive, do not lose a roof over your head, do not turn into a beggar. Therefore, all your fears and prejudices are completely in vain. By getting rid of them, you will stop depleting your own nervous system.

Calmness and unshakable self-confidence, on the contrary, will give you a chance to adequately prepare for any negative consequences. But when they actually appear, if of course this happens, then it is already necessary to look for a constructive approach to resolving the situation.

Clear goals and action plan

Nervousness will go away on its own if you set yourself very clear goals. Basically, there should be a definite goal in relation to your whole life. If you concentrate on it, then there will be no time left for a senseless waste of energy on trifles.

Concentrating on your own desires, which you should turn into goals, will harmonize your state of mind and give you inner peace. The same effect can be obtained from strict planning and decisiveness in actions.

When you wake up in the morning, make a plan for the day. Cases in it need to be arranged according to the degree of their importance and significance. One large-scale business can be broken down into a series of simple and time-saving ones. For any business, set the maximum amount of time that you are ready to spend on completion.

Be sure to purchase a diary, in which you will put a beautiful note in front of each completed task. This will significantly reduce the level of anxiety provoked by the fact that you feel like you cannot cope with any large-scale task. A person does not live in order to be in a state of chronic fatigue.

Find an outlet

Your soul will become calmer if you devote your free time to interesting things. Find something very exciting for yourself. By focusing on it, you automatically stop thinking about the negative. Try reading something really interesting for a start, playing one of the board or outdoor games, going to the movies, or organizing a trip with friends to some beautiful place.

Correct assessment

For any of your business, learn to develop an adequate assessment. Not everything that worries you today is so in reality. Sometimes, over-focusing on something doesn't lead to anything other than a waste of time and energy. Meanwhile, the state in which you tend to stay depends on a solid supply of your mental strength and resources.

Constantly keeping something concrete in mind, you no longer have to waste your energy on worrying about trifles. Many things, the importance of which is truly exaggerated today, after a while simply lose this quality. Consider if you are overcharging some of the things in your life.

Acceptance of yourself

For a number of people, constant experiences cause dissatisfaction with themselves. Disadvantages can be found in every person. However, not everyone is inclined to get hung up on them. By loving and accepting yourself completely, you will find peace of mind. Learn to treat yourself positively and lovingly whenever you have any shortcomings. The ideal does not exist in nature at all. This means that all other judgments about a beautiful or not beautiful appearance are purely subjective.

Let your own idea of your real self be the basis of the ideal. You will immediately notice that those around you began to look at you with more sympathy and interest. But worrying too much about what others think is, of course, unwise. Dependence on other people's opinions also provokes excitement, anxiety and a pessimistic attitude towards life. At least once, do what you want, observing the limits of rationality, of course. In fact, other people do not care about us.

Boost your self-esteem

Train yourself to read at least a few pages of self-esteem books every day. So someone else's opinion will really become a stranger for you, that is, it does not concern you, from which peace of mind in your life will be noticeably added. You can feel like a really free person who does not have any obligations to others. Allow people to live their own lives, removing even the slightest hint of control from their behavior.

This will eventually teach you to accept others more calmly. You will become more tolerant of their shortcomings as well as your own.

Balance between work and play

To live peacefully, joyfully and happily, it is necessary to maintain a balance of work and rest. A constant focus on entertainment, pleasure and relaxation will provoke a negative attitude towards work. Life cannot be completely carefree all the time. But the ability to work with pleasure will bring brighter colors to life. Motivation for a socially useful result can lead to even greater transformation.

Thanks to work, a person gets the opportunity to live with dignity and full value. And getting pleasure from the work process, a person multiplies the possible reasons for joy.

Do not hurry

Do not strive to be in time as much as possible, to get things done as quickly as possible. By living at an accelerated pace, you create causes for stress. You need to live measuredly in order to feel the density of the soil under your feet. This will allow you to find reasons for enjoyment in every moment of life.

Learn to prioritize correctly

Some of them will need to be re-evaluated over time. Do not forget to "study" the value system in a timely manner. If, after practical application of these tips, you continue to feel anxiety and lack of harmony in life, ask yourself why this may be happening. Such questions to ourselves automatically plunge us into the origins of our personality, connecting with which, we find ourselves, which means peace, balance, harmony and happiness.

Hello, friends.

Today you will learn how to stop worrying and wind yourself up as well. I already wrote about how the tips from that article will help you not only understand how not to be nervous, but also how to finally not worry about any reason. But today, in a new article, I will consider the experience from the point of view of winding myself up. By understanding how to control this mechanism of your psyche, you can greatly improve your life and not worry about trifles.

Natural and twisted experiences

In fact, we tend to worry. After all, we are not robots, but living people.

Difficulties and troubles are often encountered in a person's life.

And when faced with trouble, we begin to worry.

To worry is to protect yourself from trouble. This turns on the instinct of self-preservation, which we need, without it we would simply die. Experiencing is a reaction of the psyche when the instinct of self-preservation is triggered.

Therefore, it is natural when a mother is afraid for her child, if he did not return home late. The husband begins to worry about his wife when she gives birth, and it is difficult for a woman not to worry during pregnancy. We are worried before an important meeting, a date, because of work, when we are fired. We are afraid for our lives when we are threatened. These are all examples of natural experience and do not need to get rid of them.

If a person just experienced these natural feelings, then there would be nothing terrible. But not everything is so simple.

After all, what often happens afterwards. The person begins to wind himself up. He begins not only to worry, but presents unpleasant pictures of events that have not yet come true or events that have already happened, about which he has no information. That is, he does not yet know what will happen or has already happened, but begins to imagine that a disaster has happened, everything is bad and everything like that.

This is mostly done in a negative way.

Everything. An uncontrollable flurry of emotions has gone, which lead to problems, take our health, do not give a sober look at the situation.

Why it happens?

The egoistic mechanism of our psyche, the ego, is to blame. constantly afraid of something, feeling sorry for herself, wants everything to be always good and only as she needs. It just works like that.

The ego psyche is also afraid to experience unpleasant emotions, as a result, we are simply afraid of the negative. The so-called fear of fear arises.

For example, a mother, realizing that it is painful for her that her son did not return, begins to fear not only these circumstances, but also the fear itself. "How can I bear this, I will feel really bad, I will be very worried"... Instead of calmly acting, she begins to hysteria, lose her head, blame someone for her troubles, without understanding the circumstances. The psyche-ego tends to represent everything negatively. It works like that. All sorts of fears are constantly sitting inside us, which come out at the first opportunity.

And this process is being delayed.

And if you worry too often and for a long time, then the body will work for wear and tear.

Natural experiences are not great in power and usually do not last long, so there is little harm from them. But when we start to worry, winding ourselves up, then emotions will be stronger and more energy-consuming. If we worry for a long time, we will definitely get sick. And also the psyche will become weaker. With new, even trivial, troubles, we will begin to worry again. It turns out a vicious circle, from which it would seem there is no way out.

What to do? But there is a way out.

You just need to stop the egoistic mechanism of the psyche, which starts winding itself up. A wise, philosophical attitude to life will help us in this, as well as awareness in relation to the uncontrollable emotions of experience.

Be wise

In order for your life to become much better and in order to stop worrying, winding up emotions, you need to treat it correctly, be wise.

There are wise, well-known attitudes. And you don't need to dismiss them. They are actually good at helping.

A correct worldview, as it were, calms the ego psyche, puts it in its place, we really begin to worry less. Thanks to them, ours, as it were, wakes up, spreads its wings. You probably felt it yourself, when you unconsciously followed these guidelines, when you had the so-called uplift of the spirit, all the negativity went away, and the vital energy increased. At such moments, you just want to enjoy life, create, do the right, not selfish deeds.

This is because the soul, where beautiful feelings dwell, has suppressed, overshadowed the egoistic whims of the ego.

The ego, having calmed down, stops generating negative emotions, we stop winding ourselves up. The energy that was previously consumed by bad emotions is released, now it can be directed to the right actions. Consciousness is cleared, we begin to think soberly. You see how everything is interconnected. Do you get the point?

These settings are:

A happy person is not one who has only good events in life, but one who treats everything that happens to him correctly.

Take calmly and with dignity any event in your life. If trouble or trouble has happened, then it must be so. This is fate. It means that life wants to show you something, to teach you.

Everything cannot be good in life, there will be difficulties and failures.

Difficulties build character, make you stronger.

After the black stripe in life, the white one will definitely go. If you don't accept the tough times in your life and are upset, then the black streak will last longer.

Also accept any feeling within yourself, even if they are unpleasant. Don't be afraid of your fears. Know how to look at them without running away from them.

And other wise attitudes that I often talk about on this blog.

But for some reason everyone knows these statements, but as soon as problems fall on a person, he forgets about them and again makes mistakes that have to be paid for.

The thing is that in a person they are usually just in the mind. And you just need to feel them, to understand the deep meaning. Only then will they remain in the subconscious and in a difficult moment will come out of there, save the situation.

To do this, close your eyes and speak slowly these settings. Feel them with your soul, understand the inner meaning.

Well, in order to finally get rid of the wrapped up experiences, you need to learn how to control them. What we are going to do now.

How to Avoid Worrying About Anything with Mindfulness

So, in order to get rid of the twisted thoughts and worry less, you need to turn it on.

But first of all, stop fighting with yourself, with those experiences that have washed over you. Wrestling is a form of cooperation that leads to unnecessary tension, which means even more problems, both physically and emotionally. And our task, on the contrary, is to calm down. To do this, do not struggle with experiences, but rather let them be.

It is human nature to do the opposite. He tries with all his might to get rid of unpleasant feelings, begins to fight them. It even happens unconsciously, automatically, one might say without a person's will. As I said, the uncontrolled work of our psyche with its own selfish motives is to blame. She tends to be afraid, she wants to always be good and pleasant. She cannot stand bad feelings and tries to hide from them. This is expressed by the fact that a person, struggling with fear during an experience, drives it deep into himself. That is, it displaces from the surface consciousness, where the unconscious person is usually located, deeper into the subconscious. But the fear, in fact, has not gone anywhere, it is doing its destructive work. And from the depths of his consciousness he throws at us terrible pictures of unfulfilled events. This is one of the reasons why a person begins to wind himself up.

All this work of suppressing unpleasant feelings, the development of tension and, as a result, a flurry of new, already wound up experiences, goes differently for everyone. Someone is hysterical, the other, on the contrary, falls into a stupor, the third simply does not understand what he is doing. But everyone's consciousness is equally narrowed, the head becomes clouded, an uncontrollable flurry of overwhelmed emotions is generated.

To prevent this from happening, I repeat, you need to stop and stop the internal struggle.

If you follow wise attitudes, you will calmly accept not only any circumstance in your life, but also any feeling within yourself. The ability to endure within oneself any, even the most unpleasant feelings and emotions, characterizes the degree of maturity and wisdom of a person.

Let the experience be. Let them go free. Let there be fear inside you. You humbly understand what you are going through, because you are a person with living feelings. Continuing our example, the mother understands that she is worried about her son, she resigns herself to it.

Then just close your eyes, turn your attention inward, see what the feelings of experience do to the body. You may feel a chill in your stomach, a lump somewhere inside, or you may even understand why they say "the soul has gone to heels."

Thus, you allow the body to naturally experience, do not interfere with it, allow it to do what is inherent in nature. And then the body, seeing that it is not interfered with, worries and somehow defuses the inner fears of the experience. You can also look at the fears themselves from the outside. Create distance between yourself and your unpleasant feelings. And what happens next when you calmly let your body worry and look at the feelings from the outside. The experience will either decrease or even completely disappear. There will definitely not be any overwhelmed experiences.

Now the mother, from our example, will be able to calmly assess the situation, call someone, find out something, that is, she will really be able to find her son, well, or humbly wait without hysterics.

If you fail to do all this the first time, do not despair, try again. The power of your awareness is, of course, still weak to stop the flow of uncontrollable emotions the first time.

If, nevertheless, the ego took up, began to throw unpleasant pictures at you, and you began to wind up, you just need to catch yourself that you have lost awareness. And then close your eyes and do it all over again.

I think you will succeed.

By getting rid of unnecessary worries, you will release a lot of energy and will be able to direct it in the right direction. Act, seek, do something, or humbly wait. The main thing is that now you will have a clear consciousness, even if natural experiences remain. But the screwed up ones that create problems will no longer exist.

If you always do this when you are worried, you will see how much your life has begun to change for the better. And the mother from our example, after calming down, suddenly hears the bell, runs to open the door and sees her beloved son safe and sound.

All because the law worked:

"think positive and positive things will happen".

And how can we think of good things when uncontrollable winding up experiences are piling on us? Only awareness can stop them, and then we will feel the good feelings of our soul. After all, only there they live. And this is the only way this law will work. Do you understand?

I think you figured out how to finally stop worrying, now you can start living the full life of a happy and healthy person without any worries.

And at the end of the article I want to add that I myself often worried about everything and could not stop winding myself up.

I understand those people who are looking for an answer to this question.

I was too sensitive and intolerant of stress. I could not help but worry about trifles.

All these experiences were very exhausting, did not allow me to live a normal life. They took away strength and undermined health. Later I began to understand the reasons for such a painful mode of mental response, now I am sharing with you the knowledge I have gained.

I have a recipe like this:

you can't just take it and stop worrying in an instant. It is necessary to gradually increase the strength of the spirit, it becomes stronger morally, mentally, to be a wise and mature, conscious person, to learn to control your emotions.

What I told you today. And, you can read it separately by clicking on the link.

That's all for today.

Good luck to you.

And from the music, let's remember the wonderful composition from Enigma.

The book "Do not worry about trifles ... All these are the little things in life" in the format of a 10-minute reading: reviews of the best books, only the most important and useful.

Richard Carlson studied the psychology of happiness and received his doctorate in 1986 for his research in this area. His scientific work resulted in the popular Recipes for Happiness advice series, which launched his career as an expert in happiness and stress reduction.

QUOTE: “So many people spend a huge amount of their energy“ worrying about trifles, ”they completely lose their relationship with the magic and beauty of life. When you start moving towards this goal, you will realize that you have much more energy left to be kinder and softer. "

On our site you can download the book "Don't worry about trifles ... All these are little things in life. Richard Carlson" store.

Did you know that worry and anxiety negatively affect nerve endings and cause various diseases in the body? This is indeed the case. The statement "all diseases are from the nerves" is not an invention of scientists. There is a very close connection between chronic pathologies and a shattered nervous system.

Unfortunately, in the modern world, difficulties and minor troubles lie in wait for us at every step. A child is ill, a car breaks down, there is not enough money for a desired purchase - all this causes anxiety, and sometimes panic attacks. Even when the problem is resolved, the feeling of anxiety does not leave us for a long time. If you're tired of it, check out the advice of renowned authors who have helped a lot of people deal with their anxiety, including me.

Disease or personality trait?

It is typical for most of us. We are worried about our children and parents, we are worried about a responsible event, we cannot fall asleep when some troubles occur in life, and we constantly think about them. Despite the fact that anxiety about small things is manifested in eighty percent of adults, experts attribute this condition to signs of a mental disorder.

Indeed, anxiety is a symptom of many diseases, including:

Various phobias.
Post-traumatic disorders.
Alcoholism.
Schizophrenia.
Neurosis.

Sometimes anxiety is a sign of somatic pathology. A psychiatrist should diagnose such disorders.

Pay special attention! If you experience weakness, heart palpitations, nausea, or increased blood pressure along with a restless state, you should see a doctor.

Basic rules for peace of mind in life

If you are completely healthy and constant anxiety is a feature of your character, heed the following tips:

Rejoice in what you have ... Learn to enjoy life. May the small successes of today become a cause for joy. Got a new manicure, took the car out of repair, cleaned a tough stain from a white T-shirt - great! The habit of being overly nervous will disappear by itself when you learn to enjoy life.
Set goals and achieve what you want ... Make a plan for each day and put a tick in front of the completed task. Concentrate on your desires, and direct all your thoughts and actions to their implementation. Then you will have no time and energy for trifles.
Find a hobby you like ... Dedicate yourself to what you love. By focusing on a fun activity, you won't even notice how negative thoughts leave you.

Maintain a work-work balance, spend more time with your kids and parents, take walks in the fresh air, attend social events, and travel. Only by working on yourself can you get rid of anxiety. .

Dale Carnegie's Tips on How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

A couple of years ago, I bought Dale Carnegie's How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie in a bookstore. This is the work of an American writer who lived by the principle that you should not spoil the mood for yourself and those around you because of troubles. All of the relationship building techniques in the book originate from the Bible. ... Carnegie often refers to the words of Jesus. All the advice of a psychologist is based on the practice of communicating with people, therefore it is easily perceived by any person.

In his works, the writer reveals the key to happiness and success, but he himself never became happy. He committed suicide. Despite this paradox, I simply could not help but read the creation of the legendary speaker and teacher.

Each person is allowed only a few decades of life. And we are losing these invaluable hours by worrying about troubles that no one will remember in a couple of months.

And indeed it is. Once at a corporate party, one of my colleagues went over with alcohol and began to dance right on the pole, erotic (she thought so) moving her limbs. Leaders, bosses and invited guests from Germany (the founders of the company) watched this dance with wide eyes. So the next day, after sobering up and seeing her photos in the public domain, she was not a bit embarrassed. Moreover, she laughed at herself.

I still can't say what I was more surprised at - her trick or the subsequent reaction. However, a month passed, and then six months, and no one remembered this drunken dance anymore. If I were in her place, then, most likely, I would have written a letter of resignation and would not have been able to survive such shame. Now I understand that such things should be taken with a smile.

It is worth paying less attention to the situations that surround us every day:

Rudeness on the part of colleagues.
Supervisor's remark.
Gossip behind your back.

There is nothing good or bad. It is only our thoughts about the situation that make it that way.

Checked on myself. If what happened seems to have a negative impact on your life, force yourself to think about the benefits of the situation. Start small: a broken heel is a reason to beg your husband for new shoes. At work, the production rate has been raised - there will be a reason to develop a higher typing speed, you will have to quit smoking so as not to waste time going to the smoking room. Positive moments surround us everywhere.

A person is unhappy not because he is blind, but because he cannot come to terms with blindness.

Any person is able to come to terms with the inevitable, to accept the situation as it is. Failure to do this can lead to a nervous breakdown trying to deal with the circumstances. It was not for nothing that Schopenhauer said: "To successfully go through life, you need a good supply of humility."

"Businesspeople who don't know how to deal with anxiety die young."

These are the words of Dr. Alexis Carrell, quoted in his book by Carnegie. Indeed, if we are constantly worried and nervous, we are unlikely to live up to the moment when our grandchildren are born and go to school. It doesn't matter who we are - businessmen, housewives, doctors or builders, none of us should torment our souls with worries .

At the age of 30, John Rockefeller made his first million. However, at 53 in this world, only high-quality medicines held him back. He was driven to this state by constant concern about his success, goals and achievements.

Experts suggested that a businessman follow three important rules:

Avoid Anxiety ... You shouldn't worry under any circumstances.
Stick to a diet ... It is necessary to get up from the table with a slight feeling of hunger.
Learn to relax ... Special exercises in the fresh air will help with this.

Rockefeller stopped thinking about how to make more money, and began to seek simple human happiness, growing a garden, communicating with loved ones, playing golf.

In his book, Carnegie describes many stories from the lives of people. Some of them were close to committing suicide because their minds were shackled with anxiety and worry. Reading about the difficult fate of the heroes, one is surprised at their endurance, fortitude and determination.

People who have faced serious problems and were on the edge of an abyss, found the strength and were able to see the surrounding beauty in the world ... So why should we get upset over little things and spoil the mood for ourselves and those around us?

Faith That Gives Peace of Mind

Believers have been proven to experience much less stress. This is due to the fact that a person close to God experiences spiritual harmony, which is the basis of all life. Remember that happiness is not an external factor, it is within us. ... Therefore, it is so important to find harmony in yourself.

Do more useful and kind things for others. Don't regret what happened. If something does not go as planned, say, "It is the will of God." If happiness happens in life, thank the Lord.

* * *

Everything will be fine!

The authors provide, in a very engaging but concise, concise manner, recommendations on medicine, holistic healing, nutritional science and psychology that anyone can follow, anytime, anywhere. A detailed questionnaire is offered for self-diagnosis. In addition, the final chapter consists entirely of detailed tables of correspondences of diseases and their psychological root causes, as well as psychosomatic ways to get rid of ailments.

Live easy!

The popular Australian psychologist, artist and writer Andrew Mathews, in simple words, capacious aphorisms and bright, cheerful illustrations, tells about complex things: the laws of nature, life lessons, human thoughts, beliefs and attachments. "Live easy!" - a world bestseller about a positive perception of the world, your roadmap to joy, success and happiness, a new wise view of the world around you.

The power of positive thinking

Norman Vincent Peel was an outstanding public speaker, and his lifelong work continues to be led by the Peel Center in New York. In his book, he says that you can achieve whatever you want in life if you have faith.

NLP: Technologies for Success

"People work flawlessly." Program yourself with new thoughts, actions and feelings and you will have a completely new life. The book's author Charles Faulkner is the pioneer of a number of accelerated language learning methods, but he is best known for developing NLP methods for making financial decisions and modeling successful sales strategies in the securities market.

New positive psychology