Psychology how to recognize people. How to recognize people by behavior
Incredible facts
Can you imagine a world where there is no deception? It is unlikely that someone has enough imagination to realize how much we will lose or how much we will gain if we stop lying to each other. Man lies every day, so the skills to bring the interlocutor to clean water will be useful to everyone.
Moreover, each of us was once mistaken in people. At such moments, we think about how it was possible not to immediately notice that a person is unreliable and cannot be relied on. And it also happens that we simply cannot find a common language with someone, because we did not bother to observe a person in order to create his portrait.
But how do you really recognize a person? Colleague, potential partner, friend? There are a lot of articles on the Internet, like "ask these questions to get to know a person for real." But how do you imagine it? Do you put the person in front of you and start interrogating? Not very many people will agree to this.
The other extreme is to believe that a person can only be recognized over a long period of time. However, coach John Alex Clark is sure that the key in this issue is not time, but observation and the ability to connect the information received in one chain.
There are several very simple and at the same time powerful techniques that will help you identify patterns in a person's behavior and find out his character. Let's talk about them.
How to recognize a person
1. Notice the details
Every day a person performs a huge number of routine actions: buying food, traveling in transport, talking on the phone, etc. A person's actions can shed light on his personality, as well as help predict how he will behave in a given situation.
Example A. If a person chooses the same dish every day in a cafe, then it is likely that he shuns change, and he does not like the state of uncertainty. Such people can be loyal and devoted spouses. But on the other hand, it will be extremely difficult to convince him to make risky investments or move to another country.
Example B. People who enjoy gambling and other risky activities are more likely to take risks in other areas of their lives. For example, such a person may quit his job without finding another and not thinking about financial security during unemployment.
Example B. A person who always looks both ways when crossing a road is likely to be prudent and careful. He will thoroughly think over every little thing before making any decision, and will only take a well-calculated risk.
That is, if you analyze a person's actions in one area, you will be able to understand how he will behave in other areas.
2. Pay attention to how the person communicates
How does your interlocutor behave in communication? Is he trying to build relationships with each person, or does he single out those who are close to him in spirit, and keep the rest at his outstretched hand? Does he talk without a clear plan, on a whim, focusing on impressions, or does he constantly analyze, tries to be objective and does not trust intuition?
Is a person more of a thinker based on concepts, images, schemes and ideas, or is he more of a practitioner living in the world of measurable values, tasks and facts? If you observe everyday words and behavior, then you will be able to trace the general line.
3. Talk to the person about relationships with mutual acquaintances, about contacts at work
Many people think that gossiping is an empty exercise devoid of any meaning. However, the main thing in this issue is what qualities the interlocutor endows with other people, how he explains their behavior. Often, when we talk about other people, we unconsciously notice what is present in ourselves.
These conversations will help to understand what we value in the people around us, whom we want to be like, and what we want to change in ourselves. The more often we say of others that they are emotionally stable, happy, kindhearted, or polite, the more likely we are ourselves to have these characteristics.
If a person says about another, that he is pretending to dig a hole for someone, then this may mean that such a person is calculating and builds only relationships based on momentary profit.
4. Feel the existing boundaries
When a person wants to build a relationship, he sees the good and ignores the bad. However, sooner or later, illusions will dissipate anyway, and the person will appear before you in all its glory. A person who knows how to communicate correctly, first of all, will look in the interlocutor not for the good, but for his boundaries.
If the opponent is nice, where does the courtesy end? He wants to help, but where will this desire stop? If he's sincere, when will he start to darken? Is he tolerant of subordinates' mistakes up to what point? Honest with your clients? And if we are talking about a sum with a lot of zeros?
Adequate, sober, understanding, reasonable? Where is his limit, crossing which he turns into a madman?
5. Pay attention to the person's behavior in a critical situation
When force majeure happens, a person shows himself in all his glory, he simply cannot play or dissemble. He does not have time to put on the mask, and therefore begins to behave as his instincts want.
How to really recognize a person
6. Pay attention to his attitude towards service personnel
People with whom life was unfair, in their opinion, have a habit of breaking down on the service personnel. Sellers, waiters, cleaners - everyone gets it. If your interlocutor calls the waiter with a snap of his fingers or a whistle, then this is the first sign that the person, at least, is poorly brought up with all the consequences.
7. Observe intonation and body language
There is a lot of information about body language on the internet. Liars are recognized by some signs: they pause in the conversation, change the topic of the conversation, begin to make excuses, even if there is no reproach, when answering a question they avert their eyes, often touch their face.
Or the warehouse of character, characteristics of work, lifestyle.
In the event that it is important for you to understand another, which equally means understanding yourself, to develop and improve your ability to "see through people", you will be interested to learn about the secrets of "understanding" people.
People who understand others well, first of all understand themselves well, trust their instincts and have a lot in common.
Here are some character traits, behavioral features, communication techniques of experts in this field, the knowledge of which will be useful. And it is in the power of any person to develop these qualities in himself.
But first, a little introspection that will complete the picture of our strengths and weaknesses in understanding of others people and myself, certainly. Answer the following ten questions in your mind as honestly as possible:
1. How do you feel about your past?
2. Do you listen carefully to what is said to you?
3. Do you pay attention to detail or try to form a general idea of someone or something?
4. How do you express your feelings, openly or with restraint?
5. How do you behave in unfamiliar situations?
6. Do you fear difficulties and how do you deal with them?
7. Do you know what can make you happy in your daily life?
8. What is your memory?
9. How often do you make the right decisions at work?
10. How do you make decisions - trust advice or listen to yourself?
What answers speak of your discernment, the ability to understand yourself and others:
1. People understand others when they perceive their past as a necessary experience. They tend to use different paths and techniques to achieve their goal. And they look at failure, like the inventor of the light bulb, Edison: "I found a thousand ways how you can not make a light bulb." And I was not mistaken a thousand times, even if every time in a different way. Ideally, all that is required is not to repeat mistakes. People who are able to understand another perfectly remember how they felt when they had serious problems. They react very sharply to troubles, so they do everything to ensure that they never happen again.
2. They pay close attention to what people say, how they speak, and how they look. This makes it much easier for them to remember exactly what others say.
3. They constantly monitor the person's reaction - his movements, gestures and facial expressions - and therefore know how to act on others and how others act on them.
4. They are not afraid to openly express all their emotions - from anger and fear to love, because they always know how they feel in any given situation.
5. They are so susceptible to everything that happens around them that they easily avoid the threat of becoming a victim in situations that are potentially dangerous to their health and life.
6. They are confident. They know that they will not only survive, but also win, because they know how to surround themselves reliable people.
7. Paying great attention to even the smallest details, they simultaneously see the big picture and are able to enjoy the small pleasures of life.
8. They have a good memory, which they develop by closely following what is happening around, and studying the people with whom they have to deal.
9. In their business, they are more likely to make good decisions than bad ones. If they take risks, they carefully weigh the pros and cons, as they know a bunch of nuances and possible approaches to solving the problems facing them.
10. They trust their intuition and their personal experience and do not succumb to other people's influence. Due to their broad outlook, they rarely choose people as friends and comrades who can bring them nothing but grief and trouble.
In doing so, you will find yourself immeasurably better at understanding what others really mean and what they really are. And the more actively you apply your knowledge in practice, the sooner you will learn to distinguish decent people from those who are capable of causing more troubles and problems.
Before starting this or that business or personal relationship, it is worth stopping, pause - for a minute or two, look at the expression on the face and gestures of the other person, listen to what and how he says, and the most important thing is to understand what he is with us impressive. For example, you realize that you should not have anything to do with a person, because he is completely contraindicated for you, but you still go for it. In this case, you just need to remember that relationships with such people will not only give you anxiety, but also undermine your health. Once you realize that someone could literally put your life in danger, it’s much easier for you to say “no” to that person, for health and well-being are, of course, above all else. By making it a habit to stop, look around, and listen whenever you meet a new person, you will develop tremendous discernment about other people. And when you need to make a fundamental decision concerning any person, you will make the right and accurate choice.
To " see through a person", it is necessary to decode correctly and in a timely manner the whole information that he conveys with all his behavior, and not just the meaning of the words he said. Deciphering the behavior of another person is easy to do based on four sources of information:
Decoding the speech code.
The voice of a person gives only part of the keys to his inner world; just as important is what words he uses and what he really means. What do people really mean by what they say? How sincere are they? Aren't they giving dubious compliments, aren't their courtesies, in fact, barbs in disguise? Do they gossip about you? Do they have a habit of constantly talking only about themselves? What is their vocabulary and do they follow grammar rules? What are they really talking about if you listen to what is "between the lines"?
A voice can tell a lot about your condition. This is especially evident when you are talking on the phone. In an instant, you determine the mood of the person on the other end of the line. The voice code is set by the tone of the voice. Many of the elements of this code are familiar to you, but you may not have paid enough attention to them. These include the range of the speaker's voice (high or low voice), its distinctive features (a person mutters, speaks more and more quietly, a plaintive, harsh, serious, hoarse, hoarse, melodic, low, sonorous, dull, lifeless, enthusiastic, excited voice , aggressive, corny or monotonous), as well as the volume of the voice and the rate of speech, which primarily depend on the technique of speech of a particular person.
Looking closely at the body language code.
The body language code is a kind of tracing paper from a person, which shows how he walks, sits and stands. How a person holds their head is as important in analyzing body language code as what movements they make with their arms and legs. Observe, for example, how much space the person occupies when they sit, or how far from you they usually try to stay.
The face of each person expresses something, and it is from the face that we understand what is in his soul. Facial expression code reveals how someone's face changes when he listens to others or speaks himself. In this case, the expression of the eyes is no less important than the facial expressions of the mouth. How does a person listen to you: with an open mouth or with clenched teeth? Maybe at the same time he frowns, looks around, looks away? By carefully looking at the expression on the face of the interlocutor, you can completely re-evaluate what he actually said. Every detail of a person's facial expression can tell a lot of interesting things about him.
How a person who is able to understand others and understands himself behaves is applicable to the above four codes, that is, someone with whom you want to deal, make friends, make a close acquaintance, make a part of your life, and who, among other things, has something learn. I will say right away that this description is an average, it does not mean that it needs to be copied and discarded from its individual characteristics. The most correct thing is to keep your personality, but what you like and suit you can take into your piggy bank of good habits.
Speech code. Understanding, or as they are called reliable, people willingly enter into a conversation and talk politely and benevolently. They tend to think before they say something, keep their word and know what they are talking about and what they are doing. They do not skimp on compliments and utter them from the heart. Understanding people are not inclined to talk about bad things and find a good side in any situation. With all this, they are sincere and honest, wherever possible.
Trustworthy people are responsible for their actions and speak and act accordingly. They accept people as they are, and do not seek to judge them. Understanding people willingly share information with others and always make sure that the conversation is useful for all its participants. Their manner of communication speaks of modesty, simplicity and lack of self-importance. They have a good sense of humor, but they don't make fun of others or try to say things that might humiliate the other person. They speak to the essence of the conversation, directly and clearly, trying to avoid ambiguity. They are great listeners, helping the interlocutor to prove themselves from the best side. Understanding people value communication and sincerely show their favor to people.
Voice code. The manner of speech of understanding people allows them to express a variety of feelings. When they discuss something, their tone expresses appropriate emotion. If they are upset, happy, scared or worried, this is immediately reflected in their voice. The timbre and volume of their voices change depending on the topic under discussion. Reliable people pronounce words clearly and understandably, their voice is expressive. You can hear cheerfulness and optimism in him, and in the manner of speech you can feel the power that makes the interlocutors listen carefully.
Body language code. Reliable people move freely and behave in such a way that people see their willingness to communicate and do not feel awkward. While talking, they often lean towards the interlocutor and are not afraid to touch him. They like to nod to cheer up a person and show him their interest. Reliable people always take a comfortable position, but at the same time maintain good posture, hold their head high, straighten their shoulders and do not hunch over. With hand movements, they know how to show their interest or emphasize a particular thought. When gesturing, they show their palms to the interlocutor and keep their fingers straight, demonstrating that they have nothing to hide. Sitting, understanding people freely spread their legs or lay them one on top of the other, which also indicates their openness. The feet are pressed tightly to the ground and look towards the interlocutor.
Facial Expression Code . When speaking, understanding people are happy to look a person directly in the eyes and do not look around. Their interlocutor feels that for them in the whole world there is no one more important than him. Usually, reliable people have a calm and open facial expression, indicating their willingness to communicate. They have lively facial expressions, a slight smile is visible on their face, and its lower part remains relaxed when they speak and listen. If they smile, then only sincerely, because when they smile, the tips of their lips rise, and wrinkles appear around their eyes, and they infect others with their fun. Their facial expressions match what they are going to put into words. If they are upset, then you can immediately feel it not only in their tone, but also in their facial expressions. When reliable people like someone, their pupils dilate and they start smiling all the time.
(Based on the book Lillian Glass "I Read Your Mind")
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Have you ever wondered why it is pleasant and easy for us to communicate with one person, while he may turn out to be a complete stranger, stranger, simple counter, and with another - stressful? There is a desire to quickly leave or turn away. Despite the fact that this may be your old acquaintance or a neighbor whom you have known for more than one year, who is always polite and courteous.
However, we at some instinctive level understand that this person is insincere. That is why we experience conflicting feelings: on the one hand, we have not done anything wrong and we have no visible reason to feel hostility, on the other hand, all our feelings say that we should stay away from this acquaintance.
The described phenomenon in human relations explains such a field of knowledge of practical psychology as the psychology of behavior, which allows one to interpret non-verbal behavior - gestures, facial expressions, intonations and other external manifestations of another person and, based on an assessment of the combination of these factors, to draw a conclusion about how truthful he is. sincere, open, confident, etc.
Sometimes we make such an assessment unconsciously, it is then that we may not feel very comfortable and even feel guilty towards our friend for avoiding communication. However, in fact, we evaluate his non-verbal manifestations, which signals to us that the person does not think about us, how he treats us, although his words can be completely neutral and even benevolent.
The psychology of human behavior has a number of ways to assess the true intentions of a person, his level of self-esteem, experienced emotions. As we have already said, the set of his movements, facial expressions and other features betrays his subconscious attitudes, fears, complexes - everything that we catch on a subconscious level or, with the appropriate knowledge and experience, we can evaluate quite consciously.
Usually we perceive the process of communication not as a collection of successive separate moments, but as a whole picture. Sometimes during communication, we may not notice what the interlocutor is wearing, what he says, but we react to how he speaks, how he expresses himself, what words he uses, what position he sits in, what he holds in his hands. Sometimes some small, seemingly inconspicuous detail firmly and reliably "bites" into our attention (consciously or not): smell, speech defects or peculiarities, accent, inappropriate laugh, reservations, etc.
It is such small and sometimes unconscious nuances in people's behavior that betray their true intentions and thoughts, what they want to hide or embellish, that helps explain, systematize and decipher the psychology of behavior.
What facial expressions and gestures can tell us
Facial expressions and gestures play an important role in the conversation. However, despite the seeming simplicity and accessibility for memorizing the "transcripts" of certain gestures or postures of a person, they may have a completely direct meaning and not talk about anything that we might suspect our interlocutor of based on our "knowledge".
Many have heard and know not for the first time that if the interlocutor touches his nose, does not look into his eyes, it means that he is lying or hiding something. However, a person can touch his nose because he itches, for example.
Crossed arms and / or legs can be interpreted by behavioral psychology as closeness, tightness, distrust. However, a person may just be cold, so he wraps his arms around himself and crosses his legs.
Popular advice on how to interpret gestures and manners can often be confusing and even awkward. Behavioral psychology, like any other types of knowledge, implies the ability to correctly assess, analyze and interpret human behavior based on deep theoretical knowledge, as well as in the presence of good practical skills.
Otherwise, after reading about an open pose, a sincere look and a confident and calm voice, you may mistake a person who has fraudulent intentions as honest: after all, criminals of this kind are excellent psychologists and know how to find a key to almost any person. And how sincerely and truthfully they can speak! Or the so-called pick-up artists: how much charm and sincerity, wit, gallantry, and all just to assert themselves in their masculine abilities.
Of course, calm, confident, broad gestures can talk about openness, strength, self-confidence, and shifting eyes and covering your mouth with your hand when talking about dishonesty, anxiety, etc.
Mimic wrinkles in the mouth or the shape of the lips may indicate that such a person is cheerful, smiles very often, therefore, the corners of his mouth will be raised up.
Speech - its speed, rhythm, loudness and intonation - is also an object that behavioral psychology regards as significantly influencing communication.
It helps to perceive the emotional state of the interlocutor. An imperturbable, judicious person speaks slowly, rhythmically, in a voice of medium volume. Emotional, impulsive interlocutor speaks quickly, lively. A person who is insecure, withdrawn, has a quiet, weak, sometimes confused speech.
Often the words are not as important as the intonation with which they are pronounced. Words can be completely neutral, even banal. But the way a person speaks them, in what setting and in connection with what events, can tell a lot to an attentive observer.
However, it should be understood that any person who finds himself in an unfamiliar environment can behave in a completely different way than in a familiar environment. The psychology of human behavior allows you to determine many hidden factors that actually guide a person, but for this you need to be sufficiently "savvy" knowledge and be attentive to people.
If for you the psychology of behavior is an opportunity to learn to understand people, then, of course, you can start with yourself. After all, no matter what knowledge you have in this area, if you yourself are not self-confident, emotionally unstable, suspicious, suspicious - you are unlikely to be able to correctly apply your knowledge in practice. Human beings tend to project their thoughts, feelings and motives onto the actions, feelings and motives of others. We all do this to one degree or another; projection is one of the most widespread mechanisms of personal protection.
Therefore, if you are attracted by the psychology of behavior, then you should learn to be impartial in assessing people, to be able to separate your projections on them, from what they actually do and think.
It can be argued that the psychology of behavior will become accessible and effective for you in your relationships with others when you yourself gain self-confidence, get rid of fears (communication, relationships), work out your subconscious beliefs about yourself and others, learn to be attentive to others and find inner balance. Then you will really be able to objectively judge others and what is behind their external manifestations.
Colleague, friend, potential partner ... You like the person, but you do not fully understand what kind of person he is, how he will react to your vulnerability, can you trust him with a secret, ask for help? On the websites of psychological "life hacks" there are articles like "If you want to know someone - ask him 38 questions." Imagine what it looks like: you sit a colleague or acquaintance in front of you, ask him questions on the list and carefully document the answers. How many would agree to this?
The other extreme is to believe that a person can be unraveled only in a few months or years of close communication. Coach John Alex Clark is sure: it's not about the amount of time, but about observation and willingness to link facts into a single chain. There are a few simple tricks you can use to discover patterns in behavior and understand your personality.
1. Notice the details
Every day we perform thousands of routine activities: talking on the phone, buying food. People's actions can provide insight into their personality and help predict how they will behave in similar situations.
Example A. Anyone who chooses the same dish every day in a restaurant, perhaps, avoids changes in life and does not like uncertainty. Such a person may turn out to be a loyal and devoted husband, but it will be difficult to convince him to move to another country or make a risky investment.
Example B. A person who enjoys stock gambling and other risky ventures is likely to take risks in other areas of life. For example, he may quit his job without finding a new one and without taking care of the financial "safety cushion".
Example C. A person who never forgets to look both ways before crossing a road may be wary. He will carefully consider each decision before making it, and will only take the calculated risk.
By analyzing a person's behavior in one area, you can assess how he will manifest himself in other areas of life.
2. Pay attention to communication methods
How does he communicate? Builds relationships with everyone or singles out those who are closest in spirit, and with the rest tries to keep within the bounds of decency? Does he act on a whim, without a clear plan, is he focused on impressions or tries to analyze everything, does not trust instinct and strives to be objective? Is he rather a practitioner who lives in a world of facts, tasks, measurable quantities, or a thinker for whom ideas, concepts, schemes and images are important?
3. Discuss relationships at work, with mutual acquaintances.
It seems that "washing the bones" is an empty and meaningless occupation. But the main thing is what qualities a person gives to others, how he interprets their motivations. When talking about others, we often notice what is in ourselves. Our personal “pantheon” can say what we value in people, whom we strive to be like, what qualities we are trying to change in ourselves.
The more often a person judges others as kind-hearted, happy, emotionally stable, or polite, the more likely they are themselves to be endowed with these traits. Reasoning such as “he’s just pretending, he’s digging a hole for someone” can mean that the interlocutor is calculating and understands only relationships based on profit.
Finding a common language with a person does not mean to fully understand him. How often people are deluded into thinking they understand other people's intentions! It seems that someone looked askance, it means that he is plotting something. How do you know how someone treats you? In fact, you need to think less about what impression you make on others - they may not attach any importance to your existence, while you will go crazy with uncertainty.
How to find out the attitude by looking
An experienced psychologist can easily distinguish a friendly or hostile person by their look, but this knowledge is available to mere mortals. If your interlocutor is always gloomy, his laconic phrases in your direction should not be regarded as bias, but if a usually talkative person closes in at the sight of you, tries to leave the room, hides his gaze, he is hiding something from you.
Most likely this is something you won't like. Because when a person tries to hide sympathy, he prefers, albeit secretly, to observe the object of interest, and not disappear from the field of view for good. Try to catch his gaze by moving your own absentmindedly to the side, and then, in the blink of an eye, look at him. If he followed your gaze, he will not have time to orient himself quickly and his eyes will be directed to the point where you were just looking.
His gestures will tell a lot.
Few succeed in controlling their gestures and being completely congruent to any situation. In psychology, this is called internal dissonance. Most often, it is non-verbal signs that convey much more truthful information than words and even a look. If your interlocutor assures you of his friendliness and all possible assistance, but at the same time unconsciously shakes his head, tries to cover his mouth, often touches his nose - this person is lying to you.
If a man is not indifferent to some woman, his body literally screams out sympathy: the body turns in her direction, his hands rest on the belt, as if straightening it. If a guy sits next to a girl he likes, then his legs are wide apart, as if he wants to grab the object of his desire with them. And when he wants you to like him, his gestures will suddenly repeat yours.
If you are trying to challenge a person to be frank, but at the same time he crossed his fingers, arms or legs, you are unlikely to achieve the desired result - he will be closed and will not tell you anything. A if you offered something, most likely he will immediately go into rejection.
If you are interested in meeting and communicating with someone, but do not yet know if you like, approach this issue from a friendly side... No commitment, no serious relationship, just a strong friendship. And from her to love, as you know, just one step.
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