Sigmund Freud is the psychology of relationships. Sigmund Freud about women, love and sex, or sometimes a cigar is just a cigar

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Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanity.

He who loves many knows women; he who loves one knows love.

A man is recovering, giving vent to his sexuality.

We are never so defenseless in the face of suffering than when we love.

A husband is almost always only a substitute for a beloved man, and not this man himself.

Why don't we fall in love with someone new every month? Because when we parted, we would have to lose a particle of the heart.

People are more moral than they think, and much more immoral than they can imagine.

Love is fundamentally and now as animal as it has been for centuries.

The unconscious does not know the word "no". It can do nothing but desire.

If one could not find in the other what should be fixed, then both of them would be terribly bored.

Touch marks the beginning of all possession, any attempt to subjugate a person or object.

Ideal, eternal, purified from hatred love exists only between the addict and the drug.

When the old lady starts a dog, and the old bachelor collects figurines, then the first one compensates for the absence of a married life, and the second creates the illusion of numerous love victories. All collectors are a kind of Don Juan.

We do not choose each other by chance - we meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.

A true masochist will always turn his cheek where there is an opportunity to get hit

During the development of the culture, so much divine and holy was extracted from the sexual that the impoverished remnant began to be despised.

A man loves what his “I” lacks. to achieve the ideal.

In order not to get sick, we need to start loving.

It is terrible when two loving hearts cannot find either a worthy form or time for gentle words. They seem to cherish tenderness in case of unexpected trouble, when the situation itself will force them to do so. Do not skimp on tenderness. The more you spend it, the more it is mutually replenished. If they forget about tenderness, then the spiritual connection is gradually lost and the relations of the spouses in this case are similar to a rusty castle. It seems to be a lock, but how do you open it if it is all rusted?

Two-thirds chemistry consists of expectation. Life, apparently, too.

A woman should soften, not weaken a man.

Cruelty and sex drive are closely related.

The unconscious of one person can react to the unconscious of another without any involvement of consciousness ... Each in his unconscious has a tool to interpret the messages of the unconscious of other people.

The great question I still cannot answer, despite my thirty-year study of the female soul, is: “What does a woman want?”

People in general are insincere in sexual matters. They do not openly demonstrate their sexuality, but hide it, putting on a thick coat sewn from matter called “false”, as as if the weather is bad in the world of sexual relations.

Neurotic love - This is a state characterized by a feeling of falling in love with someone, clouded by a lack of reciprocity. Such conditions are accompanied by a feeling of inability to freely express their feelings in actions. In this regard, anxiety develops. There is an internal conflict. The essence of the conflict lies in the fact that at the same time there is an acute desire to express their tender feelings to the object of love and the absurd inability to show these feelings. This causes tension and discomfort, which, in turn, even further away from the realization of their intentions. Suffering from the inability to satisfy his aspirations, but experiencing an urgent need for this, the lover unconsciously transfers his relationship to that sphere of spirituality where there are no anxieties, that is, in fantasy. Calming down and having fun in a fantasy anticipation, the anxiety passes. There is optimism in further relations. However, optimism collapses at the first unsuccessful attempt to express those feelings that so easily and successfully flowed into fantasies. Optimism is replaced by a decrease in self-esteem, a depressed state. Escaping from the clouds of impending anxiety, there is an escape into a cloudless fantasy, where everything is possible and everything is allowed. The more and deeper the fantasy anticipation, the more complex and impossible the next real contact. The seeming hopelessness and insolubility of the problem is manifested in the gloom of mood. Their impracticability is due to the fact that there is a different phase of the rapprochement stages. One of the partners, thanks to fantasies and anticipations, has reached a deeper level of relationship, while the other, not knowing anything and not experiencing these feelings, is on the surface and at the beginning of rapprochement. In the context of these analytical thoughts, one should always remember the genius phases of sexual rapprochement Sigmund Freud, which is still fresh and relevant today:

1st. Eye Contact Phase (a- contemplation from social space, b- viewing from personal space).
2nd. Verbal Contact Phase (a- short half-questions, half-assertions about meaningless events “isn’t the good weather really?!,”, “did you happen to be at the concert today?”, “did you like the concert? Yes, though ...), etc. d. b- The phase of substantive flirting conversations.
3rd. Sexual phase (a-touch to public places, b-touch to intimate places). According to Sigmund Freud, and one can only agree with this, productive contact is possible only if both subjects simultaneously and together reach a certain phase. And the speed of progress along this path is natural for both.

This is a way of developing normal, physiological love. Spiritualized love, bringing delight, pleasure. From such love, happy and healthy children are born and raised.

In neurotic love, the situation is different. A subject suffering from neurotic love, a significant path of rapprochement passes independently, in his fantasies. And ready for a more subtle and advanced touch. But this readiness is ephemeral, and suitable only for fantasies, but no real contact took place. Trying, once again, to make an attempt to communicate from the point of his fantasy phase, his body, which does not have the experience of previous reflections, is not yet ready for this act, and before the unknown answers with uncomfortable constraint. Anxious uncertainty develops. The feeling of inconsistency in the performance of the actions proposed by his inflamed imagination only enhances the uncomfortable anxiety. Despair comes. And in an attempt to get rid of painful experiences, there is an immersion in trouble-free flirting fantasies. These barren fantasies are increasingly moving away from the possibility of simple human contact. If, in an attempt at real communication, it is possible to “break” the anxious tension, then instead of easy communication, love, as in a blender, beats with alarm. And this mixture produces indistinct and incomprehensible to the object of love interjections or a breakdown in rudeness. And, fleeing to "saving" fantasies. The very object of love, from such communication is in a state of emotional misunderstanding. And already the object of love develops uncomfortable anxiety and rejection of further claims. After all, neurotically in love, in his fantasies divorced from reality.

Being in the later phase of sexual rapprochement, he is ready for rather complex behavioral reactions characteristic of the stage of relationships he has achieved. And the subject of love, not having experienced the initial emotional experiences, is at the beginning of the path. And this only interferes with the naturalness of the relationship. Each unsuccessful attempt at rapprochement only complicates the situation for both. To begin with, it is worth considering the mechanisms of formation of normal love. Every living creature, including man, is constantly under the influence of two opposite biological laws expressed in instincts (Pavlovsky “from” the environment and “to” the environment). Under the law of conservation of an individual, a person seeks to protect himself by upholding his personal rights and freedoms, defining his boundaries in his environment and establishing his own order in them. Submission to this law leads to an increase in the level of personal comfort. This biological law is evolutionarily older, its purpose is the selfish survival of a creature (person), even at the cost of causing harm to the environment. So building a house, a man cuts down trees, destroys animals and much more.

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Example: A well-known avant-garde musician, Don Van Vliet, ordered that all the trees around his house be cut down as the noise of foliage interfered with his activities. Solitude, thus, negatively affects social functioning, however, it allows you to equip the environment as convenient as possible for a particular person. Under the action of the law of conservation of species, a person seeks as much communication as possible. As a result, not only does the likelihood of more numerous offspring increase, but also the exchange of information necessary for the development of society takes place.

It is also believed that people are engaged in collective work and mass entertainment under the law of conservation of species, since all social activities lead not only to conservation, but to prosperity, prosperity and evolution of the species. This later law is associated with interaction in the group, is initially altruistic, since the well-being of the group (and therefore its individual members) is placed above their own well-being.

Example: During wars, church bells were often seized by the state for military purposes. Then people donated metal products from the house and smelted a new bell. At the same time, everyone was deprived of some household utensils, while acquiring, in spirituality. However, excessive immersion in a group deprives a person of individual qualities, creativity, and the ability to make decisions, including unpopular ones. A person receives true vital satisfaction by balancing somewhere in the middle between creative solitude and active position in society. In a place chosen individually.

These same laws indirectly explain why social orders brought to totalitarianism are always harmful to the individual, and marginal individualism is antisocial.

What happens during falling in love? When a certain person sees the object of his love, he experiences an attraction, which manifests itself, first of all, in the desire for communication. However, foreseeing the failure of the object of falling in love, which is undoubtedly of exceptional importance, the lover experiences anxiety or excitement. In this case, there is a struggle of motivation, when a person wants to achieve his goal, and is afraid of this, anticipating the suffering due to failure. In this situation, three outcomes are possible:

Or a person cancels his plans, choosing a safer option, when nothing happens and gives in to hope.
Or overcomes fears and, choosing a more ambitious model of behavior, proceeds to action.
Or, due to prolonged stress, it is depleted, and this problem ceases to be relevant. Given that when falling in love, rapprochement occurs gradually, step by step, in order to take each line (to speak with a person, take a phone number, invite for a date, etc.), one has to overcome an internal dilemma. Therefore, falling in love is accompanied by contrasting emotions - excitement before taking the stage and satisfaction after. (Neurophysiology - adrenal - endorphin). These subjectively bright flirting experiences characterize the stage of falling in love. Such feelings accompany the stage of cognition of each other. Love, probably coming next, is characterized by less vivid, but, however, no less deep and subtle sensations and feelings.

The complication of relationships from falling in love to love, often with disappointment, is negatively assessed by people emotionally and spiritually not developed, not capable of deep feelings - “the first passion has passed, etc. This article does not set out to analyze in detail the relationship between the degree of internal spiritual development and ability pour out your feelings subtly and beautifully, but nevertheless, I believe, the following should be noted: From a biological point of view, relationships that do not achieve a known result are broken. If a person doesn’t have a very subtle spiritual structure, such a gap is usually psychologically traumatic. There is resentment and anger with the outpouring of claims, humiliations, insults. Or, if the energy of this psychological trauma is directed inward, various neurotic experiences arise. In such cases internal conflict is not resolved. If such a breakdown in relations occurs with a spiritually saturated person, then humility occurs quickly enough, and then calming down. Past relationships remain as a memory of a great time, as a past holiday. Such experience enriches a person and allows you to build further relationships on a more subtle, enjoyable and productive level. In the case of neurotic love, a person gets stuck at a stage when further rapprochement for some reason is not possible. This is the cause of suffering, since a person cannot give up his venture. Suffering is growing. There is a hopeless situation. A person is under the influence of two opposite motivations that have a bright emotional coloring (the desire for contact and the impossibility of its implementation).

One of the reasons for this may be the ambiguous position of the object of falling in love, when at the same time “advances” are sent and at the same time, when you are asked to “go to the next level”, an uncertain refusal sounds. The same ambiguous situation may arise with understatements, due to cultural, educational differences or conflicting habitats. Neurotic love can also occur in cases of the reverse development of relationships with one of the partners. When with one, for some reason, the pleasure of communication is lost. With formally preserved behavior, the partner may not notice this for a long time. But the phases of their relationship diverge, the subtlety of sensations dulls. One is in ignorance, the other, first unconsciously, and then consciously seeks consolation on the side. If a betrayal is discovered or suspected, then the partner, who was in the dark, is instantly thrown back communicatively back. It is always traumatic. A neurosis of love develops. Being in an acute emotional state, a person is not able to reasonably assess and assess the situation. People around you can’t always help, being either involved in neurotic relationships, biasedly occupying one of the parties, or, on the contrary, they don’t have all the information. Since the feeling of love is the most difficult, the most subtle and most productive feeling, of how a person is able to love and as he loves, all aspects of his life depend without exception. The quality of life depends on the ability to love. The need for love is just as necessary as the need to breathe. Failure to love is like punishment. It looks like a prison in which there is no joy, no walls, and from which it is impossible to get out. And there is a rapid old age, disease, gloom of being.

It is known that:
- faith without love makes a person a fanatic.
- Honor without love makes a person arrogant.
- power without love makes a person a rapist.
-wealth without love makes a person greedy.
- education without love makes a person two-faced.
- duty without love makes a person irritable.
- justice without love makes a person cruel.
- Poverty without love makes a person envious.
Undoubtedly, a person suffering from symptoms of neurotic love needs the help of a therapist. And the neurotic manifestations themselves are nothing but a call for help. As a result of psychotherapy, the patient is freed from neurotic manifestations of neurotic love and gets the opportunity to further experience this wonderful feeling. To receive pleasant pleasure and active joy from life!

I wish you Love and Happiness
Health and Longevity!
Moseev Evgeny Evgenievich

Freud's attitude toward women; love

It is not surprising to find that Freud’s dependence on his mother also manifested itself in his relationship with his wife. Most striking is the contrast between Freud's behavior before and after marriage. In those years when they were only engaged, Freud showed ardor, passion and extreme jealousy. This is shown in a quote from a letter to Martha on June 2, 1884: “Woe to you, my princess, when I come. I will kiss you until you blush and feed you until you get fat. And if you show obstinacy, you will see which of us is stronger: a tender little girl who doesn’t eat enough, or a big furious man with cocaine in his body ”(quoted in.).

A joking reference to the one who is stronger is very serious. While they were engaged, Freud was haunted by a longing for complete control of Martha; this desire, of course, was accompanied by intense jealousy for anyone who, except himself, could arouse Marta's interest and sympathy. Martha, for example, previously showed a penchant for her cousin, Max Meyer. "The time came when Martha was forbidden to call him Max, only Herr Meyer." In relation to another young man in love with Martha, Freud wrote: “When the memory of your letter to Fritz and the day we spent in the Kalenberg mountains comes back to me, I lose all control of myself and be in my power to destroy the whole world, including us, in order to allow him to start all over again, despite the risk that neither Martha nor I would be created, I would do so without hesitation. "

However, Freud's jealous feelings were not at all limited to other young people; they extended equally to Martha’s affection for her family members. Freud demanded from Martha, “that she would not only be able to objectively criticize her mother and brother and reject their“ stupid prejudices ”- all this she did - but also refuse them all sympathy on the grounds that they are his enemies, and she should share his hatred for them. ”

The same spirit is seen in Freud’s reaction to Martha Eli’s brother. Marta entrusted him with the money she had, which she and the groom wanted to use to purchase furniture for her apartment. Apparently, Ali invested money in the case and did not really want to return the full amount immediately; He suggested that they buy furniture by installments. In response, Freud presented Marta with an ultimatum, the first paragraph of which was the requirement that she write to her brother an angry letter and call him "villain." Even after Eli paid all the money, Freud demanded that "she did not write to him [Freud] again until she promised to break off all relations with Eli."

This belief in a man’s natural right to control his wife’s life was part of Freud’s conviction of man’s superiority. A typical example of this attitude is his criticism of John Stuart Mill. Freud extols Mill for the fact that he “perhaps better than all his contemporaries managed to free himself from the power of generally accepted prejudices. On the other hand, he was in many ways deprived of a sense of the absurd. ” What was so absurd in Mill's ideas? According to Freud, it was his view of "female emancipation ... and generally the female issue." Regarding the fact that Mill considered it possible for a married woman to earn as much as her husband, Freud says:

“In general, this position of Mill simply cannot be called humane. In fact, the idea of \u200b\u200bsending women to fight for existence, as men do, stillborn. If, for example, I had imagined my tender sweet girl as a rival, it would only have led me to tell her, as I had done seventeen months ago, that I love her and beg to give up the fight in favor of a calm, devoid of competition activities in my house. I believe that all reforms in the field of legislation and education will be destroyed by the fact that nature determined the fate of women - to become beautiful, charming and sweet long before the age when a man can earn a position in society. Law and custom should give women much that they were deprived of, but the position of a woman will probably remain the same as it is now: in adolescence to be a beloved beloved, in adulthood - a beloved wife ”(quoted in).

Freud's views on the emancipation of women, no doubt, did not differ from the views held by the average European in the 80s of the XIX century. Freud was not an average person: he rebelled against some of the most deeply rooted prejudices of his time, but on the women's issue he adhered to the traditional line and called Mill “absurd” and “inhumane” for views that had become generally accepted only fifty years later. Such an attitude clearly shows how strong and insurmountable Freud's need was to put women in a subordinate position. The fact that his theoretical views reflected just such an attitude is obvious. Seeing a woman as a castrated man, denying her own true sexuality, attributing her envy to a man, a poorly developed Superego, considering a woman conceited and unreliable - all this is just a slightly rationalized version of the patriarchal prejudices of his time. A person like Freud, able to see deeper than the surface and criticize traditional prejudices, had to be driven by powerful internal forces in order not to notice the rationalizing nature of these supposedly scientific statements.

Freud also held the same views fifty years later. When he criticized American culture for its “matriarchal” nature, his guest and follower, Dr. Worthis, objected: “But don’t you think it would be best if both partners were equal?” To this, Freud replied: “It’s practically impossible . There must be inequality, and the rule of men is the lesser of two evils. ”

Although Freud’s engagement years were full of fiery courtship and jealous persuasion, his life in marriage seems largely devoid of active love and passion. As with many traditional marriages, the conquest was exciting, but as soon as it happened, the source of passion was exhausted. In courtship male pride is involved; after the wedding, there is no particular reason for her. In a marriage of this type, the wife must fulfill a single function - the function of the mother. She must be unconditionally devoted to her husband, take care of his material well-being, always obey his needs and desires, always remain nothing for herself unwilling and helpful - to be, in other words, a mother. Freud was passionately in love before getting married - he needed to prove his masculinity by conquering the girl he chose. As soon as the conquest was sealed by the seal of marriage, the “adored beloved” turned into a loving mother, whose care and devotion could be relied on without showing active, passionate love for her.

How much consumer and erotic was Freud's love for his wife, many expressive details clearly show. The greatest impression in this regard is made by Freud's letters to Fliess. Freud almost never mentions his wife, except in a completely everyday context. Given the fact that he describes in detail his ideas, his patients, his professional achievements and disappointments, this in itself is very indicative, but more importantly, Freud, being depressed, often describes the emptiness of his life, which turns out to be he is full only when he is accompanied by success in work. He never mentions his relationship with his wife as a source of happiness. The same picture is seen in how Freud spent time at home or on vacation. On weekdays, Freud received patients from eight to an hour, then dined, walked alone, worked in his waiting room from three to nine or ten, then took a walk with his wife, daughter-in-law or daughter, and finally, until one in the morning he worked on correspondence and writing articles unless there was an appointment that night. At lunch, as a rule, family members did not communicate with each other very much. A good example of this is Freud’s habit of “bringing his last antique acquisition, usually a small figurine, and putting it on the dining table in front of him as an interlocutor. Then the figurine returned to his desk, but was brought in for dinner another day or two. ” On Sundays in the morning, Freud visited his mother, met analyst colleagues in the afternoon, invited his mother and sisters to dinner, and then worked on his manuscripts. His wife usually received friends in the afternoon, and Freud’s interest in his wife is eloquently echoed by the fact that Jones reported that if among her visitors were “someone whom Freud was interested, he appeared in the living room for several minutes ”[ibid. - Italics mine. - E.F.].

Freud devoted much time to summer travel. The vacation period was a great opportunity to compensate for the hard continuous work for the rest of the year. Freud loved to travel, but he did not like to do it alone. However, the vacation time was used only partly to make up for the few hours that he spent with his wife at home. As already mentioned, he traveled abroad with his psychoanalyst friends or with his wife's sister - but not with his wife. There are several explanations for this fact, one by Freud himself and the other by Jones. The latter writes: “His wife, who had other concerns, rarely found herself free enough to travel; she could not equal Freud in the quest for a change of place and in the devouring passion for sightseeing. However, almost every day during his wanderings, Freud sent her a postcard or a telegram and once a few days a long letter. ” Again, I want to note how traditionally and non-analytically Jones thinks when it comes to his beloved hero. Anyone who enjoys his wife’s company on vacation would simply temper his passion for sightseeing to make her participation possible. The rationalization of these explanations is made even clearer due to the fact that Freud gives another reason that he did not travel with his wife. In a letter from Palermo, where he was with Ferenczi, he wrote to his wife on September 15, 1910: “I am terribly sorry that I cannot show you all the local beauties. To be able to enjoy this in the company of seven or nine or even three, I should not be a psychiatrist and not the founder of a supposedly new direction in psychology, but an entrepreneur who produces something useful like toilet paper, matches or shoe laces. It’s too late to learn this now, so I’ll have to enjoy the journey selfishly, but with a constant feeling of remorse ”(quoted in).

There is no need to say that Freud here resorts to typical rationalization - almost the same as other husbands who get more pleasure from a vacation in a men's company. Here the most remarkable thing is, again, Freud’s blindness, despite all his introspection, regarding the problem of his own marriage, and how he rationalizes it without the slightest awareness of this fact. He speaks of seven or nine or at least three family members whom he would like to take with him when it comes to taking his wife with him - that is, of two; he even takes the pose of a poor, but significant scientist, rather than a rich manufacturer of toilet paper - all just to explain why he did not want to take his wife abroad.

Perhaps the clearest expression of Freud’s dubious nature of love is contained in The Interpretation of Dreams. Here is his dream: “I wrote a monograph about one plant. The book lies in front of me, and at this moment I unfold a folded color illustration. A dried plant is enclosed in each copy of the book, as if taken from a herbarium. ” Of Freud’s associations, I’ll mention the following: “On the eve of the morning, I saw in the window of a bookstore a new book called The Genus of Cyclamen, no doubt monograph about this plant. Cyclamens, I thought favorite flowers of my wife, and I rebuked myself for so rarely remembering that to bring her the flowersthat she really likes. "

Another chain of associations leads Freud from a flower to a completely different topic: to his ambitions. “Once, I remembered, I really wrote something like plant monographsnamely, a dissertation on a coca plant (1884), which attracted the attention of Karl Koller to the analgesic properties of cocaine. " Freud then ponders a compilation released in honor of Koller, whom he met one of the editors the day before. The association with cocaine reflects Freud's ambitions. He regrets having left the study of the coca problem and thereby lost the chance to make a great discovery. This is also mentioned elsewhere in connection with the fact that he had to leave pure research work in order to marry.

The meaning of the dream is perfectly clear (although Freud does not see this in his own interpretation). Central place dried plantexpressing Freud’s inner conflict. A flower is a symbol of love and joy, especially if this flower is his wife's favorite flower, and he often forgets to bring it to her. However, his scientific interests and ambitions are symbolized by the coca plant. What does Freud do with flowers, with love? He dries them and places them in the herbarium. In other words, it allows love to dry and makes it the subject of scientific study. This is exactly what Freud did. He made love an object of science, but in his life it remained dry and sterile. Scientific intellectual interests were stronger than his Eros; they strangled him and at the same time became a substitute for the experience of love.

The impoverishment of love expressed in this dream also clearly shows Freud's erotic and sexual desires and possibilities. Paradoxical as it may seem, Freud had a relatively weak interest in women and was a little sexually motivated. Undoubtedly, according to Jones, “his wife was by far the only woman in Freud’s life” and “she always came first in comparison with other mortals.” However, Jones also points out that “perhaps the passionate side of life faded for him earlier than for many other men” [ibid.]. The validity of this statement is confirmed by several facts. At the age of forty-one, Freud wrote to Fliess, complaining of a depressed mood and adding: "Sexual arousal is also useless for a person like me." It is clear that at this age his sex life more or less ended. Another case indicates the same fact. Freud writes in The Interpretation of Dreams that once, when he was a little over forty, he felt a physical attraction to a young woman and almost involuntarily touched her slightly. He notes that he was surprised that the possibility of such a feeling “still” exists. At the age of forty-six, he wrote to Binswanger: “Today, of course, the old man’s libido is expressed only in a waste of money.” Even at this age, only a person whose intensity of sexual life is low would take for granted that his libido has lost its sexual orientation.

If I allow myself some speculation, I would be inclined to suggest that some of Freud's theories are also evidence of his reduced sexuality. He repeatedly emphasized that sexual intercourse can give only limited satisfaction to a civilized person, “that the sexual life of a civilized person is seriously limited”, that “perhaps the assumption of a significant reduction in the importance of sexuality as a source of pleasant sensations, that is, a way to achieve the goal of life” . Freud explains this fact by hypothesizing that full satisfaction is possible only if pregenital, olfactory and other “perverted” motives are not suppressed, and even expresses the idea that “not only the pressure of culture, but something in the nature of the sexual function itself denies full satisfaction and encourages us to turn in another direction. "

Moreover, Freud believed that after “three, four, or five years, the marriage ceases to deliver the sexual satisfaction promised earlier, since all available contraceptives interfere with sexual pleasure, insult the subtle feelings of both participants, and even turn out to be the direct cause of the disease.”

Looking at Freud's remarks about his sex life, it can be assumed that his views on sex were a rationalization of his own reduced sexuality. Undoubtedly, there were many men of his social status, age, and culture, who at the age of about forty did not feel that the period of happiness derived from sexual relations was over for them, and who did not share his view that after several years of marriage, sexual well-being ceased to exist, even considering the need for contraceptives.

Taking a step further, we can also assume that another Freudian theory had a rationalization function: namely, that civilization and culture are the result of suppression of instincts. The essence of this theory is this: since I am passionate about thinking and searching for truth, I inevitably have little interest in sex. Here Freud, as often in other cases, summarizes his own personal experience. He suffered a decline in sexuality for other reasons, but not at all because he was so keen on creative thinking. Freud's sexual inhibition can be seen as in conflict with the fact that in his theories he assigned a central place to sexual impulses. However, this contradiction is more likely visible than real. Many thinkers write about what they are deprived of and what they would like to find for themselves or for others. Moreover, Freud, a man of Puritan views, would hardly have been able to write so frankly about sex if he had not been so sure of his own virtue in this regard.

Freud’s lack of emotional intimacy with a woman is also reflected in how little he understood women. His theories about them are naive rationalizations of male prejudice, especially regarding a man’s need to dominate a woman in order to hide his fear of her. However, one should not conclude that Freud did not understand women only on the basis of his theories. Once he expressed it with surprising frankness: “A great question that has never been answered and which I could not answer, despite thirty years of studying the female soul: what does a woman want? "(Letter to M. Bonaparte, op. Cit.).

However, speaking of Freud’s ability to love, we should not limit ourselves to the problem of erotic love. Freud did not particularly like people in general when there was no erotic element. His attitude towards his wife, after the first heat of conquest faded away, was undoubtedly the attitude of a faithful but rather detached husband. His attitude towards male friends — Breuer, Fliess, Jung, and loyal followers — was also distant. Despite the apologetic descriptions of Jones and Sachs, based on letters to Fliess, reactions to Jung’s behavior, and eventually Ferenczi, one has to admit that Freud was not given the opportunity to experience strong love. His own theoretical views only confirm this. Speaking about the possibility of brotherly love, he wrote:

“We can find the key in one of the so-called ideal standards of a civilized society:“ Love your neighbor as yourself. ” It is universally recognized and undoubtedly older than Christianity, which proudly presents it as its commandment, but still not very ancient: in historical times, a person did not know anything about him. We will treat him naively, as if meeting him for the first time. In this case, it turns out that we will not be able to suppress feelings of surprise to them as something unnatural. Why on earth should we do this? What good will it give us? And most importantly, how can you accomplish something like this? How is this even possible? My love seems to me a value that I have no right to scatter without thinking. She imposes obligations on me, and I must be ready to make sacrifices in order to fulfill them. If I love someone, that someone should somehow deserve my love. (I leave aside the question of what benefits it can bring to me, as well as its possible value for me as an object of sexual interest: none of these two types of relationships is considered when it comes to love for one's neighbor.) He will be worthy love, if he is so similar to me in important aspects that I can love myself in him; worthy if he is so perfect than me that I can love my ideal in him; I have to love him if he is my friend’s son, because the pain that my friend will experience, if something happens to him, will be my pain too - I will have to share it. However, if he is not familiar to me and cannot attract with any of his dignity or any value that he has already acquired in my emotional life, it will be difficult for me to love him. I will even do wrong if I fall in love with him, because my love is regarded as a value by those close to me; it would be unfair to them if I put the stranger on a par with them. But if I have to love him (by that very universal love) simply because he is also a resident of the world, like an insect, earthworm or already, then I’m afraid he will get only a small amount of love and it will be impossible for me to give him as much love according to all the laws of the mind, I have to keep to myself. What is the meaning of such a solemnly proclaimed prescription if reason does not advise us to follow it? ”

Freud, the greatest herald of sex, was nevertheless a typical puritan. For him, the goal of the life of a civilized person was to suppress emotional and sexual impulses, and at the cost of this achievement of civilization. Only an uncivilized crowd is not capable of such a sacrifice. The intellectual elite includes those who, unlike the crowd, are able to resist the impulses and thereby sublimate them for higher goals. Civilization as a whole is the result of such dissatisfaction with instinctual impulses.

It is noteworthy how much the ideas expressed by Freud in his later theories were already characteristic of him in his youth, when he had not yet dealt with the problems of history and sublimation. In a letter to the bride dated August 29, 1883, he sets out the thoughts that arose during his performance of Carmen. “The crowd,” he writes, “indulges in its impulses, and we restrain ourselves. We do this in order to maintain our integrity. We sacrifice health, the ability to enjoy, on our own; we save them for something, without knowing why. And this habit of constantly suppressing natural instincts gives us sophistication. We also feel more deeply and therefore we dare not to demand much from ourselves. Why don't we get drunk? Because the troubles and shame of a hangover exceed the pleasure of drinking a lot. Why aren't we friends with everyone around? Because the loss of a friend or the misfortune that happened to him would be bitter for us. Thus, our aspirations are more dependent on the desire to avoid pain than to enjoy. When such an effort is successful, those who restrain themselves are like us, who have tied themselves to life and death, who suffer hardships and yearn to keep the engagement, and who probably would not have survived the blow that deprived us of our beloved being : people like Ezra can only love once. Our whole life structure suggests that we will be protected from total poverty, that the path to liberation from the evils of our social structure is always open for us. The poor and uneducated could not exist without their thick-skinnedness and carelessness. Why on earth should they feel deeply if all the misfortunes of nature and society fall to those whom they love; why should they give up fleeting pleasure when no other expects them? The poor are too powerless, too helpless to behave like us. When I see people having fun, casting aside all seriousness, it makes me think that this is compensation for the fact that they are so defenseless against taxes, epidemics, diseases, the terrible conditions of our social organization. I will not develop this idea further, but it can be shown that das Volk [the people] judges, believes, hopes not at all like us. The psychology of the average man is somewhat different from ours. Such people are also more endowed with a sense of community than we are: only they realize that one life continues in another, while for each of us the world disappears with our death ”(quoted in).

This letter of young Freud - he was then 27 years old - is interesting in many ways. As if anticipating his later theories, Freud expresses in him his Puritan-aristocratic orientation, which we just discussed: limiting, saving his ability to enjoy is a condition of sublimation, the basis on which the elite is formed. However, in addition, Freud demonstrates here a view that should become the foundation of one of his most important theories, which was to be developed many years later. He describes his fear of an emotional wound. We do not love everyone we meet, because separation would be very painful; we are not friends with everyone around us, because the loss of a friend would cause us grief. Life is oriented towards avoiding sadness and pain, rather than getting joy, as Freud himself clearly says: "Thus, our aspirations are more dependent on the desire to avoid pain than to have fun." Here we find the wording of what Freud later called the principle of pleasure; the idea that pleasure is in fact a liberation from displeasure, from painful tension, and not positive pleasure, in subsequent years has become valid for Freud as the most general and fundamental principle of human motivation. However, one can see that Freud had the same idea long before its theoretical formulation; it arose as a result of his own Victorian views, fear of loss of property (in this case, the object of love and feelings of love) - in a certain sense, the loss of life. This position was characteristic of the middle class in the 19th century, more concerned with “having” than with “being”. Freud’s psychology is penetrated through this orientation of “having,” and therefore his deepest fear is always the fear of losing something that he “has,” whether it is an object of love, feeling, or genital organ. (In this respect, Freud did not share the protest against the possessive aspirations of the middle class, which can be found, for example, in Goethe's philosophy.)

One more thought from this letter should be emphasized. Freud says that ordinary people have a greater sense of community than "we": "Only they realize that one life continues in another, while for each of us the world disappears with our death." Freud's observation, according to which the bourgeoisie has a lesser sense of solidarity than the working class, is perfectly true, but we should not forget that there were many people in the middle and upper classes - socialists, anarchists and true believers - who had a deep sense of human solidarity. Freud was practically devoid of this. He was occupied him personality him a family, him ideas like this are typical of the middle class. In the same vein, seventeen years later, on the occasion of the New Year, 1900, he writes to his friend Fliss: “A new century - and the most interesting thing in it, I dare say, is that it contains the date of our death, “It brought me nothing but a silly review.” Here again we find only an egocentric preoccupation with our own death and no sense of universality and solidarity, which he ascribes only to the lower classes.

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The psychology of relationships is represented by the famous Austrian psychologist, Sigmund Freud. Based on the theory of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud studied not only the psychological prerequisites of basic human feelings and desires, but also their impact on the social and personal sphere of the relationship of people between themselves and in society.

The psychology of relationships is widely outlined in his famous work, Essays on the Psychology of Sexuality. The essence of the relationship between a man and a woman, in this work directly, consists, first of all, in choosing the object of your desire or the object of love. Briefly explain the scheme of action of our mind, then in it, as in a closet, for example, there are three shelves: consciousness, subconscious, unconscious. In consciousness lives our "I", personality;
the subconscious mind remembers and processes the flow of information that has arrived, is being received, and will still be coming, one way or another, into our life; unconsciously, the essence is much more complex structure than we can imagine. According to the theory of Sigmund Freud, everything that was once objectionable to us was supplanted into the unconscious, and is still there, constantly influencing us. Example: a child in childhood was deprived of one of the parents, mother, say, and this boy was this child. Depending on the further development of family relationships, certain perceptions of women as such will be laid in the child. Often you can meet men who do not know how to build relationships with women, and all because they did not get it or were deprived of maternal love.

The unconscious also influences who we choose as a partner for ourselves: why do we have certain preferences in the character, manner of behavior, taste in clothing and, finally, in the external image and appearance of our partner. A man seeks to satisfy his aesthetic, sexual, intellectual needs, which he had formed, and which are also unconsciously (as yet) laid in the unconscious. The latter very clearly answers the question of the psychology of relations, why we met one person, maybe lived with him, or met, and got, in the end, a completely different personality.

The psychology of relations, as interpreted by Sigmund Freud, has given us a number of opinions that have long taken root in the vastness of the CIS and the European Union, which formed the basis of moral training for every third family: a man wants to find a woman similar to his mother, and a woman intends to find a man who resembles something her father. Even more interesting is the trend in families with the advent of children. In choosing their future partner, children who have become late in the family pay attention to the partner much older than themselves and vice versa, as for children who were born early in the family.

But no matter how we show our desires and no matter what affects them, Sigmund Freud was always sure of one thing: all our actions are influenced by two instincts - libido, which must be satisfied and hunger. Perhaps it is safe to point out that the entire psychoanalysis of this Austrian philosopher and psychologist in the aspect of the psychology of relations was built on the tendency of sexual overcoming.

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"We do not choose each other by chance ... We only meet those who already exist in our subconscious."

"The more impeccable a person is outside, the more demons are inside him."

"Each person has desires that he does not communicate to others, and desires in which he does not even confess to himself."

“How brave and self-confident is one who gains confidence that they love him.”

"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

“Why don't we fall in love with someone new every month?” Because when we parted, we would have to lose a particle of our own heart. ”

“At the heart of all our actions are two motives: the desire to become great and sexual attraction.”

“In a love relationship you can’t spare each other, as this can only lead to alienation. If there are difficulties, they must be overcome. ”

"A woman should soften, not weaken a man."

“Love is the most proven way to overcome feelings of shame.”

“We strive more to divert suffering from ourselves than to enjoy it.”

“It is human nature to value and desire above all that he cannot achieve.”

"Love itself - like suffering, deprivation - reduces the feeling of self-worth, but mutual love, possession of a favorite object increases it again."

"Only the realization of a childhood dream can bring happiness."

“A great question that has not been answered and which I still cannot answer, despite my thirty years of research into the female soul, is the question:“ What does a woman want? ”