Sigmund Freud is the psychology of relationships. Mental illness or freedom of choice: love according to Darwin, Engels, Freud and Fromm

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Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanity.

He who loves many knows women; he who loves one knows love.

A man is recovering, giving vent to his sexuality.

We are never so defenseless in the face of suffering than when we love.

A husband is almost always only a substitute for a beloved man, and not this man himself.

Why don't we fall in love with someone new every month? Because when we parted, we would have to lose a particle of the heart.

People are more moral than they think, and much more immoral than they can imagine.

Love is fundamentally and now as animal as it has been for centuries.

The unconscious does not know the word "no". It can do nothing but desire.

If one could not find in the other what should be fixed, then both of them would be terribly bored.

Touch marks the beginning of all possession, any attempt to subjugate a person or object.

Ideal, eternal, purified from hatred love exists only between the addict and the drug.

When the old lady starts a dog, and the old bachelor collects figurines, then the first one compensates for the absence of a married life, and the second creates the illusion of numerous love victories. All collectors are a kind of Don Juan.

We do not choose each other by chance - we meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.

A true masochist will always turn his cheek where there is an opportunity to get hit

During the development of the culture, so much divine and holy was extracted from the sexual that the impoverished remnant began to be despised.

A man loves what his “I” lacks. to achieve the ideal.

In order not to get sick, we need to start loving.

It is terrible when two loving hearts cannot find either a worthy form or time for gentle words. They seem to cherish tenderness in case of unexpected trouble, when the situation itself will force them to do so. Do not skimp on tenderness. The more you spend it, the more it is mutually replenished. If they forget about tenderness, then the spiritual connection is gradually lost and the relations of the spouses in this case are similar to a rusty castle. It seems to be a lock, but how do you open it if it is all rusted?

Two-thirds chemistry consists of expectation. Life, apparently, too.

A woman should soften, not weaken a man.

Cruelty and sex drive are closely related.

The unconscious of one person can react to the unconscious of another without any involvement of consciousness ... Each in his unconscious has a tool to interpret the messages of the unconscious of other people.

The great question I still cannot answer, despite my thirty-year study of the female soul, is: “What does a woman want?”

People in general are insincere in sexual matters. They do not openly demonstrate their sexuality, but hide it, putting on a thick coat sewn from matter called “false”, as as if the weather is bad in the world of sexual relations.

Translation from German by M. Wolfe (1923)

Anyone who begins to engage in psychoanalysis is primarily afraid of the difficulties that await him in interpreting the patient’s thoughts, and the tasks that arise in connection with the reproduction of the repressed. But he will soon have to make sure of the insignificance of these difficulties and instead understand that the only and serious difficulties stem from the need to master the transference.

Of all the possible provisions arising here, I will dwell on one that is sharply limited both because of its frequency and real value, and because of its theoretical interest. I mean the case when the patient makes absolutely certain hints or directly declares that she fell in love with the doctor analyzing her, as any other mortal could fall in love. This situation has its own tormenting comic side, as well as serious: it is so confused and due to many reasons, so inevitable and so difficult to resolve that discussing it has long been vital for analytical technique. But since we ourselves are not always free from mistakes, for which we laugh at others, we were not in a hurry to complete this task. We always face the duty of medical secrecy in this matter, without which it is impossible to do in life, but what is difficult to do in our work. Since the literature on psychoanalysis is also related to real life, an insoluble contradiction arises here. Recently, in one work, I neglected medical confidentiality and hinted that the same transference position delayed the development of psychoanalytic therapy for the first ten years.

For a well-educated person from the public or a layman — such is an ideally cultured person in relation to psychoanalysis — love affairs are not comparable to any other; they are recorded as if in a special place that does not allow any other description. If, due to the transfer, the patient fell in love with the doctor, then he will think that in this case only two ways are possible for her: rarer, when all circumstances allow a constant, legal connection of both, and more frequent, when the doctor and the patient must disperse and the work started, the purpose of healing should be left as disturbed by an elementary event. Of course, we also think of the third outcome, which seems to be even compatible with the continuation of treatment, - entering into illegal and not designed for eternity certain love relationships; but this outcome is impossible both due to bourgeois morality and because of the need to observe medical dignity. And yet, anyone who turns to a doctor for help will insist that the analyst reassure him as much as possible with the most definite promise that the third outcome is completely excluded.

It is quite obvious that the point of view of a psychoanalyst should be completely different.

Let us take the second way out of the situation in question. The doctor and patient disagree after the patient fell in love with the doctor; treatment is discontinued. But the patient’s condition makes the second analytic attempt at the other doctor necessary, the situation is soon created that the patient feels that she has fallen in love with the second doctor, and in the same way, if she breaks up and starts again, then in the third, etc. . ... This, undoubtedly, the upcoming fact, which, as is known, is one of the main provisions of the analytic theory, can be used in two ways: in relation to the analyzing doctor and in relation to the patient in need of analysis.

For the doctor, he has the value of a very valuable indication and a good warning against his possible countertransference. He must admit that the patient’s love is forced by an analytical position and cannot be attributed to the superiority of his person, so he has no reason to be proud of such a “conquest”, as it would be called outside the analysis. This never hurts to remind. And for the patient an alternative is created: either she must refuse psychoanalytic treatment, or she must reconcile herself with falling in love with a doctor as an inevitable fate.

I have no doubt that the native patients will decide on the first of two possibilities, while the doctor stands for the second opportunity. But I think that in this case the decision should not be provided by the tender - or, rather, selfishly jealous - caring of relatives. The decisive moment should be the interests of the patient. And the love of relatives can not cure a neurosis. There is no need for a psychoanalyst to impose himself, but he may indicate that in some respects he is irreplaceable. Those relatives who agree with Tolstoy’s attitude towards this problem may continue to have a wife or daughter, but should try to reconcile themselves with the fact that they will still have neurosis and the related violation of their ability to love. In the end, the same thing happens as with gynecological treatment. However, a jealous father or husband is severely mistaken in thinking that the patient will avoid falling in love with a doctor if, to get rid of the neurosis, she proceeds at his insistence to some other, non-analytical treatment. The only difference is that such a love, which remains unexpressed and not analyzed, will never render such assistance to the patient’s recovery, as the analysis makes.

I know that some doctors who use analysis often prepare patients for the appearance of love transference and even invite them to "try only to fall in love with the doctor so that the analysis moves forward better." I can not imagine a more meaningless technique. This takes away from this phenomenon the convincing nature of spontaneity and creates difficulties that are not easy to overcome.

At first, however, it does not seem that falling in love with transference may be anything useful for treatment. The patient, even the most obedient before that, suddenly lost her understanding and interest in treatment, does not want to hear or speak about anything other than her love, and demands a response; she abandoned her symptoms or does not pay attention to them, she declares herself even healthy. The whole scene is completely changing, as if the game was replaced by a sudden burst of reality, like a fire that broke out during a theatrical performance. It is not easy for anyone, as a doctor, to experience this for the first time, to maintain an analytical position and not succumb to error, deciding that the treatment has really come to an end.

Thinking well, you can find a way out of this situation. First of all, we must not forget that everything that interferes with the continuation of treatment can be an expression of resistance. There is no doubt that resistance takes an active part in the emergence of violent love demands. After all, the signs of gentle transfer were already noticeable for the patient for a long time, and her obedience, and her compliance with all explanations of the analysis, her excellent understanding and the high intelligence shown by her at the same time, had to be attributed to her orientation towards the doctor. Suddenly it’s all as if blown away by the wind. The patient ceased to understand anything, she seemed to have all gone into love, and this transformation appears at a certain moment, just when you need to force her to confess or remember a particularly unpleasant and crowded passage from her life. Falling in love was already a long time ago, but now resistance begins to use it to delay the continuation of treatment, to divert all interest from work and to put the analyzing doctor in a position of excruciating embarrassment.

If you take a closer look, you can also notice in this position the influence of complicating motives, partly joining in love, and partly - special types of expressions of resistance. The motives of the first kind include the patient’s desire to convince herself of their irresistibility, to undermine the credibility of the doctor, belittling him to the position of a lover, and to use everything that seems possible to use with loving satisfaction. It can be assumed that the resistance uses the declaration of love as a means to experience a strict analyst, after which, in the case of a favorable response from him, he can expect to be put in place. But most of all, the impression is created that resistance to the provoking factor increases love and exaggerates the willingness to surrender, in order to then more insistently justify the effect of crowding out the danger of such intemperance. All these add-ons, which in pure cases may not be, were accepted, as is known, by Adler for the essence of the whole process.

But how should an analyst behave in order not to fail in such a situation, if for him there is no doubt that the treatment must be continued, despite such a love affair, and therefore it is necessary to step over it?

It is not hard to insist on a strong reference to generally accepted morality that an analyst should never in any way respond to the tenderness offered to him or accept it. On the contrary, he should consider the moment appropriate in order to defend moral requirements and the need for rejection before a woman in love and to get her to stop her demands and continue her analytical work, overcoming the animal part of her Self.

But I must disappoint in such an expectation in both the first and second parts. In the first part, because I write not for clients, but for doctors who have to overcome great difficulties, and, moreover, also because in this case I can reduce the moral order to its origin, i.e. to expediency. This time I am in a happy position, having the opportunity to replace the requirements of morality with the requirements of analytical technology, without changing the results.

But even more resolutely I will abandon the second part of the above assumption. To demand the suppression of attraction by refusing satisfaction and sublimation, when the patient confessed her love affair, would mean to act not analytically, but pointlessly. It would be the same as if with special spells they tried to summon the spirit from the underworld, and then, without asking anything about it, would be sent back. Indeed, in such a case, the repressed would be brought to consciousness only in order to be frightened and again to force it out. One cannot also deceive oneself regarding the success of such a course of action. As you know, there is little you can do with beautiful speeches against passions. The patient will feel only resentment and will not fail to avenge her.

I can also advise little to choose the middle path, which otherwise seems especially reasonable and which consists in pretending to respond to the patient’s tender feelings, while avoiding any physical manifestations of this tenderness, until you can establish a calm relationship and raise them to more high step. On this remedy, I can object that the psychoanalytic treatment is based on the truth. This is a significant part of his educational influence and ethical value. It is dangerous to leave this foundation. Anyone who has mastered the analytical technique well is not able to resort to the lies and swindle necessary for the doctor, and usually gives himself out if he sometimes tries to do it with the best intentions. Since the complete truth is required from the patient, you risk all your authority if you come across on your own that you have deviated from the truth. In addition, an attempt to meet the patient's tender feelings is not entirely safe. It is impossible to control oneself so well that one does not suddenly go further sometimes than one himself wanted. I think, therefore, that one should not give up the neutrality to which he has reached due to his restraint in countertransference.

I have already hinted that the analytical technique makes it obligatory for the doctor to refuse the patient who is thirsty for love in the required satisfaction. Treatment should be carried out in abstinence. I do not mean by this only physical abstinence and also do not mean depriving everything that the patient wants, because no patient would have suffered. But I want to put forward the main point that it is necessary to preserve the patient’s need and longing as forces that encourage work and change, and to prevent them from being partially reassured by surrogates. After all, you cannot offer patients anything but surrogates, because due to their condition, until crowding out is eliminated, patients are not able to get real satisfaction.

We admit that the main provision requiring that analytical treatment be carried out in abstinence is much wider than the single case considered here and requires detailed discussion in order to outline the boundaries of its feasibility. But we do not want to do this here and, if possible, we will strictly adhere to the position from which we proceeded. What would happen if the doctor acted differently and took advantage of mutual freedom to answer the patient's love and satisfy her needs for tenderness?

If he wanted to be guided by the calculation that such concessions he would ensure his influence on the patient and thus force her to solve the problems of treatment, i.e. forever free from neurosis, then experience will show him that his calculations are wrong. The patient would have reached her goal, and he would never have reached her. Between the doctor and the patient, only the scene would be played out, which is described in a funny joke about the pastor and the insurance agent. At the insistence of relatives, a pious husband is invited to an unbeliever and a seriously ill agent to convert him before death. The conversation lasts so long that the expecting relatives have hope. Finally, the door opens from the patient's room. The unbeliever was not converted, but the pastor left the insured.

It would have been a great triumph for the patient if her lovemaking had found the answer, but for treatment it would be a complete defeat. The patient would achieve what all patients in the analysis strive for: to accomplish something, to reproduce something in life, that she should only remember, reproduce as psychic material and preserve in the mental field. Further, in the continuation of the love affair, she would have shown all the delays and pathological reactions of her love life, but their correction would have been impossible and the patient would have finished the painful experience with severe repentance and a great increase in her tendency to crowding out. An affair puts an end to the possibility of influencing with the help of analytical treatment; the combination of both is nonsense.

Concession to the patient’s love requirements is thus just as dangerous for analysis as their suppression. The analyst’s path is different, one that has no example in real life. You need not to shy away from the love affair, not to scare him away, and not to put the patient in the way of obstacles; in the same way, one must steadfastly refrain from any response manifestations. You need to hold on tightly to a love affair, but treat it as something unrealistic, as a situation through which you need to go through a treatment that should be reduced to its original sources and which should help reveal to the patient the most secret of her love life. The more you make the impression that you yourself are far from any temptation, the sooner you manage to extract all its analytical content from this position. A patient whose sexual repression has not yet been eliminated, but only pushed into the background, will then feel confident enough to show all the conditions of love, all the fantasies of her sexual longing, all the detailed features of her love, and, on the basis of them, she can open the way to the infantile foundations of her love.

For one type of woman, however, this attempt to preserve the love affection for analytical work, failing to satisfy it, will fail. These are women with an elementary passion that does not allow any surrogates, children of nature who do not want to take the psychic instead of the material, which, according to the poet, are accessible only to “the logic of soup and the arguments of dummies”. When dealing with such people, you are faced with a choice: either show reciprocal love, or incur all the hatred of the rejected woman. But in none of these cases is it possible to comply with the interests of treatment. It is necessary, without success, to abandon treatment and reflect on the question of how the connection of an inclination to neurosis with such an indomitable need for love is possible.

The way how to make gradually come to an analytical understanding of other, less active lovers, worked out for many analysts in the same way. First of all, it is necessary to emphasize the obvious participation of resistance in this "love." True love would make the patient compliant, increase her willingness to solve the problems of her case only because it requires a loved one. Such a feeling would willingly choose the path to the end of treatment in order to raise its price in the eyes of the doctor and prepare such a reality in which love could take place. Instead, the patient turns out to be wayward and naughty, loses all interest in treatment and clearly shows the lack of any respect for the doctor’s deeply founded beliefs. She, therefore, reproduces resistance in the form of falling in love and does not stop before putting the doctor in the position of the so-called double mill (kind of game). Because if he rejects her love - that he is forced to do duty and conviction - she will be able to act out the rejected woman and refuse treatment from him out of a sense of revenge and grief, as she now wants to do because of an imaginary love.

The second proof that this love is not real can be the assertion that this feeling does not have a single new feature arising from the present situation, but is composed solely of repetitions and prints of the previous, also infantile, reactions. We must commit ourselves to prove this by a detailed analysis of the patient’s love manifestations.

If we add some more patience to this evidence, then for the most part it is possible to overcome the difficulty of the situation and continue to work with a more moderate or transformed love in order to discover the infantile choice of the object and the fantasies surrounding it.

However, I would like to critically examine the arguments and discuss the question: are we telling the patient the truth or is the need forcing us to resort to the help of omissions or distortions. In other words, is it really impossible to consider the real love manifested during analytical treatment?

I believe that we told the patient the truth, but not all, without thinking about the consequences. Of both of our arguments, the first is the most powerful. The participation of resistance in the love transfer is undeniable and very significant. But the resistance did not create this love, it finds it ready, only uses it and exaggerates its manifestation. And resistance also does not deprive this phenomenon of the nature of something real. Our second argument is much weaker; undoubtedly this love represents a new edition of old features and reproduces infantile reactions. But this is an essential sign of all love. There is no love that does not reproduce an infantile pattern; exactly what constitutes an obsessive, reminiscent of the pathological nature of love, comes from its infantile conditioning. Love in transference can be to a certain extent less free than what is in life and called normal, it shows more clearly the dependence on the infantile model, it turns out to be less adaptable and modifiable, but this is not the most important thing.

Why can one even know the truth of love? Is it by what it is capable of, by its suitability to achieve a love goal? In this respect, love transfer does not seem to lag behind any other love. It seems that everything can be achieved from her.

So, to summarize: there is no reason to dispute the nature of true love in love, which manifests itself during analytical treatment. If it seems so little normal, then this is entirely due to the fact that ordinary love, outside the analytical treatment, is more likely to resemble abnormal than normal mental phenomena. But nevertheless, she is distinguished by some features that strengthen her special place. Firstly, it is caused by an analytical position, secondly, it is strengthened by the resistance prevailing in this position, and thirdly, it does not take into account reality to a high degree, it is less intelligent, thinks less about the consequences, is more blinded in the assessment of a loved one man than is permissible in normal love. But we must not forget that it is precisely these, departing from the norm, traits that make up the essence of love.

For the doctor’s behavior, the first of the three mentioned features of love transfer is decisive. He caused this love by introducing it into analytical treatment to heal a neurosis; for him, it is the inevitable result of a medical position, like physically exposing a patient or reporting a vital secret. Hence, it is certain for him that he should not derive personal benefits from it. The patient's readiness does not change anything in this, but only puts the whole responsibility on the doctor. After all, the patient, as he should know, did not expect another healing mechanism. After a happy overcoming of all difficulties, she often confesses her fantasy with which she began treatment: if she behaves well, in the end she will receive a doctor’s tenderness as a reward.

For the doctor, ethical and technical motives are combined to keep him from reciprocal love; he should not lose sight of his goal so that a woman, limited by infantile fixation in her ability to love, would be able to freely dispose of this extremely valuable and important function, not wasting it during treatment, but preserving it for real life in case life after treatment would make such demands on her. He should not play dog \u200b\u200bracing scenes with her, in which a wreath made of sausage is presented as a prize, and which some joker spoils by throwing a separate piece of sausage at the hippodrome. Dogs rush at him and forget about the race and the wreath, beckoning forward, to victory. I will not argue that it is always easy for a doctor to keep within these limits prescribed by ethics and technology, especially for a young and still free man, such a task can be very difficult. Undoubtedly, sexual love is one of the main contents of life, the combination of mental and physical satisfaction in love enjoyment is its highest content. All people, with the exception of a few eccentric fanatics, arrange their lives accordingly, only in science they are embarrassed to admit it. On the other hand, the role of the rejecting and refusing, when a woman seeks love, is painful for a man, and an incomparable charm emanates from a noble woman who confesses her passion, despite neurosis and resistance. It is not the grossly sensual demand of the patient that constitutes temptation, it acts in a rather repulsive manner, and more tolerance is needed to reckon with this as a natural phenomenon. More subtle and restrained manifestations of a woman’s desire are more likely to be dangerous and can make you forget technique and medical duty for the sake of a wonderful experience.

Still, the concession for the analyst is ruled out. No matter how much he appreciates love, he should put a case even higher that gives him the opportunity to support the patient at a crucial moment in her life. She must learn from him the overcoming of the principle of pleasure, the rejection of near and accessible, but socially unacceptable satisfaction in favor of a more distant, perhaps not entirely reliable, but psychologically and socially impeccable. In order to overcome this, it must go through the very first periods of its spiritual development and, in this way, acquire that increase in spiritual freedom, which distinguishes conscious spiritual activity in a systematic sense from unconscious.

Thus, the psychoanalytic therapist has to fight in three directions: with himself against the forces trying to reduce him from the analytical level; outside the analysis against opponents disputing the significance of sexual drives and forbidding him to use them in his scientific technique; in the analysis against patients who at first behave as adversaries, and then demonstrate a powerful reassessment of sex life and want to captivate the doctor with their indomitable - socially - passion.

The public, whose attitude to psychoanalysis I spoke at the beginning, will use the foregoing of love transfer as an excuse to draw the attention of the world to the dangers of this therapeutic technique. The psychoanalyst knows that he works with the most explosive material and that he must be as careful and conscientious as a chemist. But have the chemists ever been forbidden to work with the necessary, thanks to their action, explosives because of the danger associated with them? It is remarkable that psychoanalysis has to win all the freedoms that have long been granted to other types of medical activity. I do not stand for harmless methods of treatment to be abandoned. They are quite sufficient for some cases, and in the end, human society needs as little furor sanandi as any other bigotry. But the opinion that psychoneuroses should be eliminated by surgery with harmless means is explained by a severe underestimation of the origin of these diseases and their practical impact. No, in medical events, along with medicina, there will always be a place for both ferrum and ignis, and therefore it will remain necessary to have correct and unrefined psychoanalysis, which is not afraid to operate on and dispose of the most dangerous mental movements for the good of the patient.

Love and hate. Sadism and masochism. Voyeurism and exhibitionism. It turns out that these are two sides of the same coin, ambivalence, which constantly move one into the other. This is the fate of drives, described by Sigmund Freud in 1915 in the work "Attractions and Their Fate."

Today it is more important to see that Freud studied NOT SEXUAL topics, how popular it is to think today, but mental processes in general. This article describes the theory that leads us to understand the ambivalence of love, and the practice of how it turns into hatred. Exploring new territories of the psyche, the scientist very carefully approached the term “Attraction”, der Trieb. For research, he looked for terms from words typical of German at the beginning of the 20th century. According to the German Duden Dictionary, der Trieb means a lot, especially:

instinctive urge directed at satisfying strong, usually vital needs.
In technology, this is an object for transferring force or a bearing moment, for example a gear wheel.

Why is Freud associated with the public with a sexual theme? The scientist himself recognized this simplification, explaining it with the origins of psychoanalysis. Her original object of study was sexual transference neurosis, primarily hysteria.

Freud: “Psychoanalysis so far could give us more or less satisfactory information. only regarding sexual drives, because he could observe this group of drives during psychoneurosis, as if in an isolated form ”

What is a “drive”?

In search of the concept, “still quite vague, but indispensable in psychology,” Freud tried from different points of view to approach his definition of “attraction”.

Freud: “The real beginning of scientific activity consists in the description of phenomena that are subsequently grouped, put in order and in mutual connection. But even in the description, one cannot avoid avoiding, when processing the material, the help of some abstract ideas that are taken from any other sources that are undoubtedly outside the new experience. ”

By 1915, the scientist was just starting to form ideas on the basis of that (compared to modern times) limited experience that had been collected at that time. Freud himself mentions that his attempts to find the definitions, sources, and patterns of drives are the initial proposal of ideas that (1) are necessary to formulate a theory and test it, and (2) allow, after verification by experience, to formulate a more precise definition. Therefore, first, the scientist tries to use biological comparison:

Attraction is body irritation ?

If a fly sits on my hand, I will feel it as irritation or itching of the skin. I pull my hand (I will do a reflex one-time movement) to remove the fly as a source of irritation. But this comparison will be limited, because (1) in mental processes, irritation occurs from the inside, and not from the outside, and (2) bodily irritation is one-time (the fly landed on my hand - I drove it away), and the attraction has the character of constant strength. Therefore, Freud proceeds to a second attempt to determine:

Attraction is a need that comes from within with constant strength

Accordingly, the need can be satisfied. But since the need arises not from the outside, but from the inside, the second conclusion of Freud is applied to me:

Attraction can only be satisfied! It’s impossible to run away.

Attraction can only be changed by switching to another need. Escape is impossible to get rid of Attraction:

Freud: “Since (Attraction) acts not from outside, but from within the body, no flight can help against it ... (Satisfaction) can be achieved only by a suitable (adequate) change in the source of internal irritation.”

Since getting rid of attraction by simple actions does not work, the nervous system has to come up with more complex ones. High-level organisms try various actions to reduce irritation, and evaluate them on the basis of pleasure. Pleasant actions reduce irritation, unpleasant ones increase. But since in both cases the irritation is not completely removed, but only regulated, the conclusion is:

Attraction can not be removed with pleasure.

In fact, four conclusions have a purely applied benefit. Consider whether such examples of the actions of a person who wants to solve internal issues are effective.

To build self-confidence, she goes to a two-day workshop (see conclusion 2)
To move away from a divorce, embarks on travel (see conclusion 3)
To forget the past, he goes hunting for the opposite sex (see conclusion 4)

The four characteristics of attraction

Freud attraction has four characteristics:

Voltage - the standard of activity, motor power, contained in attraction
goal drives - satisfaction through the elimination of stress.
An object drives - this is where you can achieve the goal. An external subject, but also part of one’s own body. Objects of attraction are constantly changing. But in the case of Fixation, a close attachment to the Object appears. In this case, resistance arises when trying to separate the Attraction and the Object.
Source drives is a somatic process in the organ of the body, the irritation of which gives rise to attraction in mental life. Chemistry, anatomy, which is no longer in the field of psychology.

For example, Romeo and Julia, both at the right age, somewhere below (Source), itching (Tension) begins. It grows, and in order to reduce it (Purpose), the characters find in each other the Object of sighing, and even begin to achieve the Goal, this tension is eliminated. But both are in an early period of development. Fixation Occurs; an attempt to external separation of Attraction from the Object leads to resistance.

What drives are there?

Quite in my taste, Freud makes the assumption that all drives act qualitatively the same, and differ from each other except in quantity.

Freud: “all drives are homogeneous and their action depends only on the magnitude of excitement contained in them”

But the conclusion about an infinite number of drives does not help in practice, where specific topics are needed for study. Based on his experience, Freud proposes to distinguish two main drives: self-preservation and sexual attraction.

Freud suggests at the time of writing, in 1915, to dwell on this simplified, "auxiliary construction" as long as:

She stays useful
Replacing it with another will not change the results of the description and classification
Other neurotic diseases, such as schizophrenia, will not appear.

It is possible to infinitely complicate not only the classification of drives, but also their forms and combinations. For instance:

Attractions may be partial (Zielgehemmt). This is when a partial satisfaction of the drive leads to a delay and deviation from the goal.
Still drives can be intertwined (Triebverschrankung), when the same object serves to satisfy several drives.

Fortunately, Freud abandoned complications in 1915. He also refused the need to classify exclusively through psychology. Freud himself suggests taking assumptions from other sciences, especially from biology. Today we can come up with an infinite number of drives: biological in food, sleep, home; social in communication, recognition and exchange; cultural in knowledge, music and religion, etc.

Polarity and the fate of drives

To explain the opposites in love and hate, it is important to highlight the polarities of mental life that move us. “I”, subject, inner world. Or "not-I", an object, the outside world. The difference between these "real" polarities, every living creature knows elimination of irritation . External irritations are eliminated through the movement of muscles. Internal muscles can not be removed. Pleasure - Displeasure (Lust-Unlust). This "economic" polarity is known through irritation change . Reduced irritation - pleasure. Increased - it became unpleasant, displeasure. The opposition “active” - “passive” Freud describes through act "I AM". This is a “biological” polarity. Passively - this is when the "I" RECEIVES irritation from the outside world. Active - when the "I" reacts to irritation.

Three polarities describe eight individual behaviors and reactions. For instance:

I was spanked, and it's nice.
I look, and what I see is disgusting
I love and show activity, and it’s nice.

Moreover, the fate of drives according to Freud is that drives are constantly changing, moving from one polarity to another. There is a constant change of object (“I” - “Not-I”) and the transformation from activity to passivity. Attraction can go as opposed to . For example, from the need for active actions (torment, look), there is a need for passive acceptance (to be buoyant and examined). In this case change attraction goals. Sadism turns into masochism, voyeurism in exhibitionism. Or in content, love turns into hatred. Attraction may appeal against your own person , and then the object changes without changing the goals. Masochism is sadism against oneself. The exhibitionist enjoys looking at his own body. Attraction lends itself to other changes, for example, sublimation (the form of attraction goes far from the original goals), reactive formation (against attraction), or crowding out. These transformations remain outside Freud’s work “Attractions and Their Fate”.

Ambivalence of love

So, back to our sheep))). At a certain period of attraction, one can observe its (passive) opposite course. it ambivalence, and it manifests itself most vividly in the conversion from love to hate! In order not to argue, the following Freud definition applies: Love \u003d the relation of “I” to sources of pleasure. Love and hate can occur simultaneously in relation to the same object. What's even more complicated, love is capable of three ambivalences:

To love or hate is indifference.
To love is to hate.
To love is to be loved

Indifference

How are so many opposites possible? At the beginning of the spiritual life, the “I” is capable of satisfying its drives by itself. The child is enjoying himself. This condition is called Narcissism, and the possibility of self-satisfaction is called Autoeroticism. In the state of Narcissism, the first ambivalence of love is manifested, indifference. It simply means that a person does not need the world around him to satisfy his needs.

Love and hate

The world is not needed, but the main attraction self preservation leads to interaction with him. Some external objects cause displeasure, and the hostile part, the non-Self associated with the outside world, is separated from the “I”. So appears hatred, the attitude of the "I" to a stranger that irritates the outside world. If the external object causes pleasure, then “attraction” appears, the approach of the external object to the “I” and their merging. From the passive form of receiving irritation, we are actively starting be in love this object is due to attraction.

The transition from narcissism to an active ability to love occurs gradually with the development of sexual desire:

In the beginning, a child's sexual attraction is developed towards himself, which is manifested in autoerotic narcissism.
At the first stage of the development of sexuality, the desire to devour (fressen) or swallow (einverleiben) opens. Here the analogies with the reptilian brain suggest themselves. This form of love leads to the destruction of the object.
At a higher level, the desire for possession. It doesn’t matter whether the object exists or not. The analogy with jealousy begs, in extreme cases, leading to the destruction of the object.
Only with the development of sexual desire does love become the ambivalence of love.

Freud pointed out two basic drives, namely self-preservation and sexual drive. In relation to the subjects of self-preservation, we do not say that we love them. In speech, love is used in the context of sexual attraction. The word "hate" is more often used in connection with unpleasant sensations, and comes from the struggle of the "I" for self-preservation.

Freud: “If the love relationship for any object breaks off, then often hatred appears instead of them, which makes us have the impression of turning love into hatred. But a broader view than that described reveals that hatred motivated by real reasons is amplified as a result of the regression of love to the preliminary sadistic stage, so that hatred becomes erotic and thus creates the inviolability of love relationships. ”

Being loved and masochism

The third ambivalence, to love is to be loved, is best explained with the help of other opposites, for example sadism / masochism, exhibitionism / voyeurism and the transition from the active through the return to the passive voice. Using sadism as an example, conversion against personality and transition to the opposite act together. It all starts with an active position. Sadism consists of active violence (Goal # 1) towards another person or partner (Object # 1). Further:

There is an appeal against oneself: an external person is refused. A sadist returns to narcissistic education, identifies a partner with himself. Through a turn to his own “I”, the sadist himself becomes Object No. 2.
Transformation into the opposite: at the same time, the change of the active goal of attraction to the passive goal No. 2 takes place. In the narcissistic state, the “I” can self-erotically satisfy its needs. An active position is not needed.
A new object is sought due to the change of purpose to passive. Again, "growth" occurs, the "I" expands again, and external objects begin to be associated with the "I". The motor desire of the “I” for these objects begins.

This cycle of transformations can go on endlessly, as well as the need not only to love, but also to accept love.

So why?

So why do drives have such a fate? What is the basis of the carousel of ambivalence? For example, I would like to avoid hatred in love. Is it possible? Here is the time to recall that the passive use of oneself as an object of satisfying one's own needs is a sign of narcissism, the initial level of mental development typical of a child. This is an earlier stage that lasts throughout a person’s life. At the same time, an active, later stage of development is associated with the development of sexual desire.

Freud: "... the destinies of drives — turning against one's own self and turning activity into passivity depend on the narcissistic organization of the self and are marked by the seal of this phase"

Eric Bern's transactional analysis admits that three persons live simultaneously in a person (Child, Parent, Adult). This is an echo of Freud's discoveries, which argued that the transformation of attraction occurs only partially, preserving in itself the elements of a later active direction, as well as a later passive narcissistic. Both stages of development of attraction exist simultaneously in a constant middle stage, ambivalence.

Freud: “All manifestations of drives can be decomposed into separate, divided into time intervals and identical for the entire period of this (any) period, tremors related to each other, such as, for example, successive eruptions of lava.”

Accordingly, the conversion of attraction from active to passive (from love to the need to be loved, from sadism to masochism, from exhibitionism to voyeurism) occurs due to the return of attraction (or person?) To an earlier stage of development. From returning back to childhood. At the same time, the experience of an adult is preserved, and after sharp, but short in time jumps “into childhood”, the psyche returns, but retaining passive elements of earlier development. We all want to go back to childhood, right? Although, people who have reached a certain level of maturity begin to understand the advantage of their age. I heard the phrase: “Do I want to be young again? No way in the world! There is no money, you need to chase somewhere, there’s no place to go! ” I think that it is at this moment, when I no longer want to return to childhood and youth, that ambivalence stops, and the narcissistic need begins to be satisfied by other means.

Freud: “This fate, perhaps, corresponds to the attempts of reflection, which are achieved by other means at higher stages of development of the“ I ”

Due to which there is a reverse "growth" from the passive phase to the active (from masochism back to sadism, from the need for love for its manifestation, from voyeurism to exhibitionism). I can suggest two reasons:

Interaction with the outside world continues, external stimuli lead again to unpleasant sensations. You have to switch to the active position and interact with external objects. This mechanism is similar to hatred.
Perhaps successful autoerotic satisfaction of needs leads to the expansion of the "I" and the search for new sources of pleasure.

How is it possible to expand the "I"? Is it possible to conclude that the cycle of drives through opposites depends on the level of human development? And what on higher levels can we find other means so that we can stably love without jumping over to hatred? This is a topic for another work, both of Freud and mine.

The psychology of relationships is represented by the famous Austrian psychologist, Sigmund Freud. Based on the theory of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud studied not only the psychological prerequisites of basic human feelings and desires, but also their impact on the social and personal sphere of the relationship of people between themselves and in society.

The psychology of relationships is widely outlined in his famous work, Essays on the Psychology of Sexuality. The essence of the relationship between a man and a woman, in this work directly, consists, first of all, in choosing the object of your desire or the object of love. Briefly explain the scheme of action of our mind, then in it, as in a closet, for example, there are three shelves: consciousness, subconscious, unconscious. In consciousness lives our "I", personality;
the subconscious mind remembers and processes the flow of information that has arrived, is being received, and will still be coming, one way or another, into our life; unconsciously, the essence is much more complex structure than we can imagine. According to the theory of Sigmund Freud, everything that was once objectionable to us was supplanted into the unconscious, and is still there, constantly influencing us. Example: a child in childhood was deprived of one of the parents, mother, say, and this boy was this child. Depending on the further development of family relationships, certain perceptions of women as such will be laid in the child. Often you can meet men who do not know how to build relationships with women, and all because they did not get it or were deprived of maternal love.

The unconscious also influences who we choose as a partner for ourselves: why do we have certain preferences in the character, manner of behavior, taste in clothing and, finally, in the external image and appearance of our partner. A man seeks to satisfy his aesthetic, sexual, intellectual needs, which he had formed, and which are also unconsciously (as yet) laid in the unconscious. The latter very clearly answers the question of the psychology of relations, why we met one person, maybe lived with him, or met, and got, in the end, a completely different personality.

The psychology of relations, as interpreted by Sigmund Freud, has given us a number of opinions that have long taken root in the vastness of the CIS and the European Union, which formed the basis of moral training for every third family: a man wants to find a woman similar to his mother, and a woman intends to find a man who resembles something her father. Even more interesting is the trend in families with the advent of children. In choosing their future partner, children who have become late in the family pay attention to the partner much older than themselves and vice versa, as for children who were born early in the family.

But no matter how we show our desires and no matter what affects them, Sigmund Freud was always sure of one thing: all our actions are influenced by two instincts - libido, which must be satisfied and hunger. Perhaps it is safe to point out that the entire psychoanalysis of this Austrian philosopher and psychologist in the aspect of the psychology of relations was built on the tendency of sexual overcoming.

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Neurotic love - This is a state characterized by a feeling of falling in love with someone, clouded by a lack of reciprocity. Such conditions are accompanied by a feeling of inability to freely express their feelings in actions. In this regard, anxiety develops. There is an internal conflict. The essence of the conflict lies in the fact that at the same time there is an acute desire to express their tender feelings to the object of love and the absurd inability to show these feelings. This causes tension and discomfort, which, in turn, even further away from the realization of their intentions. Suffering from the inability to satisfy his aspirations, but experiencing an urgent need for it, the lover unconsciously transfers his relationship to that sphere of spirituality where there are no anxieties, that is, in fantasy. Calming down and having fun in a fantasy anticipation, the anxiety passes. There is optimism in further relations. However, optimism collapses at the first unsuccessful attempt to express those feelings that so easily and successfully flowed into fantasies. Optimism is replaced by a decrease in self-esteem, a depressed state. Escaping from the clouds of impending anxiety, there is an escape into a cloudless fantasy, where everything is possible and everything is allowed. The more and deeper the fantasy anticipation, the more complex and impossible the next real contact. The seeming hopelessness and insolubility of the problem is manifested in the gloom of mood. Their impracticability is due to the fact that there is a different phase of the rapprochement stages. One of the partners, thanks to fantasies and anticipations, has reached a deeper level of relationship, while the other, not knowing anything and not experiencing these feelings, is on the surface and at the beginning of rapprochement. In the context of these analytical thoughts, one should always remember the genius phases of sexual rapprochement Sigmund Freud, which is still fresh and relevant today:

1st. Eye Contact Phase (a- contemplation from social space, b- viewing from personal space).
2nd. Verbal Contact Phase (a- short half-questions, half-assertions about meaningless events “isn’t the good weather really?!,”, “did you happen to be at the concert today?”, “did you like the concert? Yes, though ...), etc. d. b- The phase of substantive flirting conversations.
3rd. Sexual phase (a-touch to public places, b-touch to intimate places). According to Sigmund Freud, and one can only agree with this, productive contact is possible only if both subjects simultaneously and together reach a certain phase. And the speed of progress along this path is natural for both.

This is a way of developing normal, physiological love. Spiritualized love, bringing delight, pleasure. From such love, happy and healthy children are born and raised.

In neurotic love, the situation is different. A subject suffering from neurotic love, a significant path of rapprochement passes independently, in his fantasies. And ready for a more subtle and advanced touch. But this readiness is ephemeral, and suitable only for fantasies, but no real contact took place. Trying, once again, to make an attempt to communicate from the point of his fantasy phase, his body, which does not have the experience of previous reflections, is not yet ready for this act, and before the unknown responds with uncomfortable constraint. Anxious uncertainty develops. The feeling of inconsistency in the performance of the actions proposed by his inflamed imagination only enhances the uncomfortable anxiety. Despair comes. And in an attempt to get rid of painful experiences, there is an immersion in trouble-free flirting fantasies. These barren fantasies are increasingly moving away from the possibility of simple human contact. If, in an attempt at real communication, it is possible to “break” the anxious tension, then instead of easy communication, love, as in a blender, beats with alarm. And this mixture produces indistinct and incomprehensible to the object of love interjections or a breakdown in rudeness. And, fleeing to "saving" fantasies. The very object of love, from such communication is in a state of emotional misunderstanding. And already the object of love develops uncomfortable anxiety and rejection of further claims. After all, neurotically in love, in his fantasies divorced from reality.

Being in the later phase of sexual rapprochement, he is ready for rather complex behavioral reactions characteristic of the stage of relationships he has achieved. And the subject of love, not having experienced the initial emotional experiences, is at the beginning of the path. And this only interferes with the naturalness of the relationship. Each unsuccessful attempt at rapprochement only complicates the situation for both. To begin with, it is worth considering the mechanisms of formation of normal love. Every living creature, including man, is constantly under the influence of two opposite biological laws expressed in instincts (Pavlovsky “from” the environment and “to” the environment). Under the law of conservation of an individual, a person seeks to protect himself by upholding his personal rights and freedoms, defining his boundaries in his environment and establishing his own order in them. Submission to this law leads to an increase in the level of personal comfort. This biological law is evolutionarily older, its purpose is the selfish survival of a creature (person), even at the cost of causing harm to the environment. So building a house, a man cuts down trees, destroys animals and much more.