Learn to relax for a happier and healthier life. How to learn to relax in different situations

Hello, Eugene! I can never relax.
I am 26 years old and from about 7 years old I have an SRC (my parents did not take me to the doctor and I myself began to be examined after 20 years). I did not go to kindergarten, so I think that going to school was very stressful, school fees, responsibility not to forget and not to be late, etc. Somewhere from the age of 17, VSD was added to this (pressure drops, dizziness, headaches were not strong, but before they were completely absent) - I associate this with stress due to dissatisfaction with appearance and weight loss. After that, I had about 7 years of compulsive overeating (coped on my own, now there are rare mild attacks). With age and the change of activity, and then of residence, on the one hand it became easier for me, on the other hand, all the same, everything remained. I am very fixated on appearance, I am a perfectionist, I constantly think and analyze, analyze and think. I can not relax after alcohol or during sex. Slightly relaxes the chocolate, but it is, a drop in the sea.

I don’t know how to react to attention (I’m a pretty girl, sometimes I openly dress, I like attention and at the same time I’m afraid of it), I’m scared to look in the eyes, talk to someone, talk in company and much more. I can be shaken before a meeting, sweat, urge to the toilet and this does not always go away with the onset of the meeting. This is very disturbing. I’ve already analyzed everything, and I think that this is because of the hyperprotection and worldview that my parents passed on to me (my father is afraid of people, he sits at home, he only goes to work). It’s all the same to me with my mind who will think and say what, but all these emotions do not go away.
Tell me, is it your competence to help me if I can’t relax? What is the duration of therapy?
I turned to a psychotherapist, psychologist, they could not help.
And what could you advise? I am advised of hypnosis, nlp, inc. What do you think?
Thank.

Inna, hello!

Yes, I believe that I can help you. And this is connected to a greater extent not with me, but with you - you have a high intellect, this is your strength, you understand your features, you can connect them into a single picture, form a problem. And the fact that you were able to cope with compulsive overeating is also very cool.

In this case, I can support you in the fact that so far it is not amenable to any control and understanding. Our feelings and bodily manifestations are little controlled, but we can notice them, be aware of them, feel them, let them pass, and then life becomes noticeably easier. Here is what we could do with you in therapy:

To see how your feelings come to you, what they are connected with and how you let them be or block them, for which you criticize yourself. What comes from this blockage, what consequences it has for you. First you can feel them, and then understand and realize.
To notice how you are plunging into panic, fear, first finding resources that will allow you not to “sink” in these sensations. Feel them, but not dive completely. Here we need bodily work - focusing on sensations in the body, breathing, building bodily resources.
Understand which of your attitudes “from childhood” came with you into adulthood. Determine whether they help or not, whether they are needed, or whether they can be changed.
Feel what basic needs are behind the bodily symptoms of contraction, tension, trembling, fear, perfectionism, and preoccupation with appearance.
Understand how it all relates to relationships and your expectations from them. What do your inner “parents”, “child”, “adult” say, why do they say it, and how do you deal with it? Well, about real significant people, too.
To realize what can be done to change the situation now, and how you stop yourself from doing this. And when you realize, already a choice appears, even if at first scary.

This is not all at once, of course, but gradually, with emotional support.

Irritable bowel syndrome is often associated with increased stress and responsibility at school and is often diagnosed in overly responsible high school students. Abdominal muscles under high stress involuntarily tighten, changing the process of the digestive tract. Therefore, in your case, it most likely began as a reaction of the body to an increased danger, and your body continues to be tense ready for this danger, although you have already grown up and these situations have ceased to be a matter of “life and death” and a way to get parental love . But now it interferes with life, so you write - "I can not relax."

I believe that the most useful in your case will be a long work with a psychologist - from two years of weekly meetings. I think so because your problem is global enough and links all spheres of life. Here, in my opinion, it is important to devote a lot of time to building resources - internal and external, in order to then be able to touch the painful places, the stories that determined your lifestyle. A magic pill will definitely not help here - but a gradual work with feelings / thoughts / bodily manifestations in a dialogue will help.

It is also interesting to understand why the psychotherapist and psychologist could not help you - this raises the question of your expectations from the psychological work, your opinion regarding the responsibility of yours and the psychologist in this process. Perhaps you are waiting for some quick results and are disappointed in not receiving them, and then drop this thing?

All of the above is my assumption, which we can verify and correct in the process of specific individual work.

with respect,
Evgenia Bulyubash
practicing Psychologist, Gesalt Therapist, Moscow
8 917 505 46 57

Some women and men wonder, “Why can’t I relax during sex?” When you do not get true pleasure from intimacy, it is reflected in all areas of life, and not just in relationships with a partner. It is important to understand the cause of the problem so that it can be solved. Consider how to learn to relax and enjoy sex.

Source of problem

In order not to complain, they say, I can’t relax during sex, I need to understand why this happens. The reasons may be as follows.

Reproductive system diseases. In this case, it is worth being examined by a specialist.

Incompatibility with a partner. During intimacy, he commits wrong actions.

Psychological complexes. Many are simply unhappy with their appearance. They may be shy of their face or body, even if everything is in order with this, so they can not relax.

Extraneous thoughts. After a difficult and hard working day, intimacy is usually so banal, boring and unpleasant that you don’t want to enter into it. This can be fully explained. Thoughts about business simply prevent you from thinking about a partner and focus on your feelings.

Not the right time. If intimacy comes at the wrong time, it is very difficult to relax and tune in to enjoyment. From timeliness, thoughts arise: “Why do I not feel anything during sex?”

Wrong place. Of course, the reason is rather ambiguous. A universal and ideal place simply does not exist. However, exactly where the partners are attached to love, greatly affects the experience.

You can fix the problem by finding out the true cause. Perhaps in your case there will be several. Listen to effective recommendations, enjoy sex and relax during it.

Love yourself

In order to make love with pleasure and enjoy intimacy, you need to accept yourself as you are. If with an objective assessment you understand that you have flaws, then immediately begin to make efforts to get rid of them. Go for a massage, go to the beauty salon, go in for sports, or take useful procedures. If you have an imperfect figure, remember, the partner still paid attention to you. Perhaps, on the contrary, he likes some kind of flaw. It is necessary to understand and love yourself.

Place and time

You can choose absolutely any place. The main thing is that it be comfortable and enjoyable for both partners. Many people like the classic version - a soft, warm and comfortable bed, which allows you to completely relax.

Others, on the contrary, need a shake, so they prefer the most unexpected places (elevators, changing rooms, parks, etc.). Why not give it a try? Just be vigilant and do not go beyond decency.

When is the best time to have sex? Experts recommend entering into intimacy spontaneously, and not according to plan. For example, invite your partner to take a bath together - water procedures will necessarily end in sex that will bring pleasure. Or, before bedtime, give your other half a long, passionate kiss. He will excite not only a partner, but also you.

Don't think about anything

It’s hard to have sex when various thoughts come into your head. For a while, forget about everyday activities, worries and problems. Drive away extraneous thoughts, switch to a partner and your feelings. If it’s very difficult for you to do, remember some pleasant moments that are related to sex. For example, it can be an unforgettable night in which you have received maximum pleasure.

Also try not to worry about the fact that your partner will soon experience an orgasm during sex, and in the meantime you will be left without it. Understand that the main thing is not this, but the process itself. In addition, intimacy can be repeated after some time. And this is not necessarily sex in the classical sense. Petting and oral sex also bring a lot of pleasure.

No Dope Sex

Doping refers to alcohol. Many use it to liberate and enhance sensations during intimacy. It really helps to relax, become more confident and courageous. But alcohol dulls feelings, and the pleasure of sex is no exception. Therefore, making love with your partner is better on a sober head. So it will be much nicer! If there is absolutely no dope at all, then you can afford a glass of wine at most.

Tune in to sex

Most often, a woman can not relax during sex. This is due to the fact that a woman needs to prepare and tune in to enjoyment. The sensations received will largely depend on this. If we get down to business with a clear understanding that heavenly enjoyment will soon come, it will be so.

However, one must be aware that sex is not necessarily an orgasm. Of course, for many, it is a kind of endpoint, peak, peak of the process. But just for the sake of it, making love is definitely not worth it. Intimacy may not end with an orgasm if the partner is tired or very excited due to everyday activities. Therefore, you need to enjoy the process, concentrate on the sensations and enjoy every moment, and not expect an orgasm.

Do not rule out foreplay

A very important part of preparing for making love is the prelude. Moreover, women need much more time to “warm up”. When a man experiences an orgasm, his partner is just beginning to approach the peak of pleasure, so do not forget about foreplay. Pay special attention to the erogenous zones, and then you will see that the girls moan during sex. Why don't you try to make the foreplay longer? This is a very helpful recommendation.

Train

Getting pleasure largely depends on the preparation of the vaginal muscles. This is because sensations and orgasm are the result of their contractions. To enhance the sensitivity of the pelvic organs, it is necessary to ensure a rush of blood to them. This can be achieved by training. Exercises for the press will give a good result. They will tighten the muscles, ensure the correct location and support of the uterus. Kegel exercises are very useful, the effectiveness of which has long been proven. Their meaning is that you need to consistently strain and contract the vaginal muscles.

Study the body

If even you are not familiar with your body, then the partner knows nothing much. He simply has nowhere to get information on which “buttons to press” in order to deliver true pleasure. You can only understand how to completely relax during sex. Therefore, study your body, look for your erogenous zones. This can be done alone if you are shy, or together with a partner. The latter option will be more enjoyable and fun.

Feel free to ask your other half to look for your erogenous points with you. He will certainly be carried away by the idea and will do it with enthusiasm and self-forgetfulness. Just do not forget to show your partner that he hit the target. This can be done using words or violent expression of emotions.

Feel free to make sounds

Loud sighs and groans are a great way to communicate with each other while making love. They help express desire, excitement and enjoyment. Experts say that men and women who prefer to have “loud” sex are more satisfied sexually. This is rarely the case with those who engage in comforts in silence. Moans help convey information about preferences to a partner, indicating the most pleasant moments.

Have you ever thought during sex? It has long been proven that women use vocalization in bed to achieve orgasm. Loud noises help to saturate with oxygen and automatically enhance pleasure, thereby moving closer to the peak point. Moreover, the girls are well aware that the sighs and groans of men are very exciting. Therefore, they successfully use it to warm up the interest of their chosen one, accelerate orgasm and increase his self-esteem. So feel free to make sounds during sex.

If you are often visited with thoughts: “I can’t relax during sex”, then think about the technique of making love. Perhaps you are doing something wrong, although this concept is purely individual and quite extensible.

Rhythm and breath

The rhythm in sex is very individual. One likes slower, softer, neater and gentle movements. Others prefer sharp and quick shocks. When making love, pay attention to which option you like the most. This will help to relax and experience pleasure.

Proper breathing is also essential for true enjoyment. When enough oxygen enters the body tissue, they get everything they need. If you take the deepest possible sighs, then the blood will rush to the small pelvis, and the sensations you experience will not be superficial, but brighter.

Poses

During sex, choose the best poses, which, in your opinion, are the most pleasant. For example, for maximum penetration, a man becomes behind, and a woman occupies a knee-elbow position. In common people, this position is known as "dog-like." To feel like a partner with your whole body, enjoy kisses and make better missionary love. For a woman to control the situation during sex, she needs to sit on top and become a “rider”. These positions are considered the best, but they may not suit you. Make love the way you like it best.

Practice for relaxation

Sexologists recommend using special practices to relax and enter into a state of rest. They help get rid of extraneous thoughts and tune in to enjoyment. They can be performed periodically at any time, not only in front of intimacy. Practitioners will teach how to relax during sex in order to experience pleasure.

Relaxation should not be neglected, it is very important with the crazy modern rhythm of life. If during the day you performed serious tasks, then after a hard day you need to relax. Otherwise, the tension will remain in the body, and the state of anxiety will develop into a chronic one. It is recommended that you complete at least one practice for ten to fifteen minutes each day. Only with regular classes can you get rid of stress.

Consider what practices exist to develop the ability to relax during sex.

Shaking

This practice is considered very effective. The point is to get on your feet and begin to wriggle with your whole body. Including you can shake your head, arms, legs and hips. Perhaps it looks funny, but the result will certainly be. Be sure to try, especially if every day you are wondering: why I can not relax during sex.

When performing the exercise, it is important to periodically change the rhythm. Otherwise, some muscles will constantly work, while others will be at rest. Turn to practice with a good mood, with a sense of pleasure and pleasure. Focus on your body, listen to it and trust it in impulses.

Wallow

Also a very effective method for relaxation. You need to lie on the mat and roll so that you feel the maximum contact of the body with the floor. That is, you must occupy the maximum area. It is important to wallow from one side to the other very slowly. This practice relaxes well, be sure to try!

Spontaneous dance

This practice is best done barefoot, listening to the desires of the body. The exercise will be more effective if you turn on the music, which alternates from slow to active and vice versa. This will allow you to move smoothly and actively dance. Ideally, you need to do it alone so that no one sees. So you can close your eyes and learn to listen to the body. Over time, you will understand how to relax during sex. It should not be movements of beauty or seduction, but a dance of its natural origin. You can imagine yourself as some kind of animal. Release excess activity, rage and the adrenaline that has accumulated during the day.

Special breathing

If for some reason you cannot lie, shake your body or dance, but you need to relax, then try this technique. It is very simple and accessible to everyone. Take a deep breath, mentally collect all the accumulated tension in the body, and then exhale sharply. So alternate actions for at least ten minutes. If you breathe this way, you will experience deep relaxation. This is what you need after a hard day.

Belly breathing

When performing this practice, you need to inflate your stomach like a balloon when you inhale, and when you exhale, blow it out. The easiest way to feel this breath is when lying on your back. In this case, it is better to position the legs so that the feet are on the floor, and the legs are bent at the knees. In this position, the stomach and lower back relax as much as possible, which many women need during sex. It is also recommended to put one hand on the chest, and the other on the stomach. This will allow you to control the correctness of the exercise. So you understand that you are breathing in your stomach, not your chest.

Understanding with a partner

To experience true pleasure, you need to choose the right partner. Of course, ideal compatibility is rare, but you should still strive for it. Try to give pleasure to your loved one, and he will answer the same. Feel free to talk about sex, show wishes and discuss feelings. These should be affectionate requests, not intrusive advice. Over time, if this is your person, you will achieve full understanding.

Now you know during sex and enjoy the process. Use the recommendations in practice and make love with pleasure!

Hey. I have this problem: I can not relax during sex. There is passion, there is excitement, I want my boyfriend, but as soon as he enters into me, I’m all in suspense. My first experience was with a guy whom I loved, but after the first time we broke up.
Then, six months later, I met this guy with whom I am now. After a year of our relationship, we began to "sleep." During our first time, I somehow managed to relax, and I enjoyed it. And all the subsequent times, it didn’t work out for me to relax, he’s a guy experienced in these matters, and says - since you behave like that with me, it means that you are not happy. I am 20, he is 29. I always take a shower, I buy beautiful linen. But I don’t understand why this happens, and what to do next, I don’t know, I'm afraid that the guy will not leave me. How do you relax? She included music already, and drank some wine, and nothing helps. How to find relaxation?

Of course, it is not easy to give specific advice, having before your eyes only a non-specific text of complaints. From the girl’s story, the picture of sexual problems is not 100% understandable, including because there are various sexual difficulties that roughly fit the description. For example, it may be vaginismus of inorganic origin, i.e. psychogenic. But vaginismus of organic origin cannot be ruled out (as a result of the inflammatory process). And it may also be a pathological fear of sex, sexual intercourse - called quitophobia. Or not the first, not the second and not the third, but dyspareonia - pain in the genital area during intercourse, but without vaginal cramps. Because vaginismus is nevertheless characterized by reflexive contraction. The medical definition just says: reflex contraction of the muscles of the vestibule of the vagina and pelvic day. Here, either the girl periodically happens, or she still does not enjoy sex.

What can be advised here? I can advise you to consult a specialist, primarily a psychologist, a sexologist, because everything that has a psychogenic nature, and not inflammatory, is just a psychologist and sexologist. Because neither the gynecologist, nor the sexologist doctor, work with the human psyche and are not involved in correcting attitudes toward sex, relationships with a partner, and the like. The doctor’s care is to treat inflammation or some physiological problems of an organic nature. Anything that has a psychogenic nature - welcome to the psychologist! And when it comes to intimate life, then a psychologist needs a sexologist to understand the details and develop the best strategy for correcting sexual problems.

What men and women advise a girl:

Before the act, look good, beautiful porn or erotica. When you get aroused, you will attack the guy yourself and forget about everything. And your sexual coldness will not be known where.

Well, if wine doesn’t help, then cognac will help! Just don't overdo it. Female alcoholism is incurable.

Maybe the problem is that this is not your person? When you meet your own, the complexes will leave with their underpants. Another option that you are afraid. Try to relax your body. Well, or a little wine, and everything will hurt.

Experienced, you say, in "these" matters? Something is not believed if he declares: "since you behave like that with me, it means that you are unpleasant." In my opinion, he is selfish. Experienced, well, or if your pleasure is important to him, instead of such stupid things, I would try to relax you. I think the fact is that you do not feel relaxed with him, and he is not really trying to fix it. Try to talk with him, a conversation will go under cognac.

Nifiga, apparently your boyfriend does not know how to turn 29! As you set up a violin, so it will play for you. Hence, muscle relaxation does not occur, you can’t tune in. All of his words are clear - he is not a master of sex.

He does not excite you to the end! He is not your hero! And there’s nothing to do with linen, you can fuck like that in your underpants and parachutes, the neighbors will go out smoking! And you have it, so, not a sex hero.

Try not a little wine, but a bottle. And if that doesn't help, change the guy. Something he doesn’t have a cake for you at all, since you don’t get any pleasure from sex.

Better immediately anal sex, and show yourself in all its glory. Just take a video to know in the morning what you were up to and what you should expect now from your partner.

That's right, make a move with the knight, so to speak. Pan or disappeared. And poke him, while bold, face in all intimate places! Let him try, otherwise you because of his skill in quotes, damn it, anorgasmia has already developed.

So do not strain. In general, I believe that this is a psychological problem - fear. (Judging by the first experience). It is fear that binds and does not allow you to relax. You are afraid that he will leave, and therefore during sex do not relax, but dress up and go in cycles to enjoy. It is advisable to turn off the brains during sex.

During good sex with the coveted partner, they disconnect themselves. And somehow the fear of loss has nothing to do with it. It is not a girl or sex, but the fact that the partner is not even a sex guru. Maybe they are even sexually incompatible.

Are you the author of the post? Fear of loss (this is not necessary during sex), but in general. The post says that she is afraid that she will be abandoned. And so he wants everything to be perfect. Of course, they turn off if you know how to relax, and you are pleased with the person. But the author likes the Partner, the reason is that she cannot relax. Sex turns into a test for her.

If the guy is experienced, he will not carry such garbage, but he will do everything so that you simply go crazy with pleasure in bed. There is such an old joke. Man, how do you relax? And I do not strain.

Well, let them talk then. And there it will be seen what and how. We are now really wondering at the coffee grounds why the girl cannot relax, and she has no orgasm. Maybe she has a psychology, or maybe it's some kind of inflammatory moments. Then no relaxation exercises will help, only to the doctor.

You need to be distracted, put on beautiful underwear, spread your legs and let the cute one lick between your legs, and you have fun. Oral sex from a man will relieve your constriction.

With age and experience, everything will come. You are still a young girl, you have not corny learned how to enjoy sex.

What is the fear that he will leave? You have been dating for a year! He’s so worth it that he waited a year, or trained, for experience. What is perfect? Perfectly fucking porn actors from the 33rd take! Then turn on the "dirty whore" mode and you fuck him if he can’t you, and in the morning you look yourself will go further without him, or in the morning he will climb on you a couple more times. The ideal is not with anyone, but how it delivers to you!

A man is a schmuck with a sick self-esteem. What shit only girls in 20 years sleep! I’m getting away! But seriously, you throw him nafig. Your ideal man is still looking for you.

Most likely, you cheated yourself. Try a massage to relax, and, first of all, relax your brain.

You may have a mild vaginismus. Once I had sex with the former in the kitchen, and then her mom unexpectedly came in, damn it, she saw her mother from her fright, pinched her vagina, imagine how we were dogs with her, I did not know where to go, the pain was unbearable , in the end, her mother took us somehow to the bathroom and poured hot water on me, it’s not when I was not so ashamed in life!

Life is pain! That bummer was! This is the story! Set off to mom that she unfastened you!

My fear did not squeeze. I can’t even imagine how this happens! In my opinion, in general, some kind of nonsense! I saw such garbage only in a movie of some kind, or "American Pie", "Hot Heads" felts. In life, this is unlikely to happen.

It was necessary your mother-in-law finger in the ass you stick. Vaginismus, damn it! Next time, let you have some music to relax so that your mother-in-law is not heard. And she already knows what happens!

For those who are banned in Google.
Pain during sex and 4 other symptoms of vaginismus
If having sex makes you feel pain, then it's possible you are a victim of vaginismus. Scientists from France named 4 other symptoms of this unpleasant phenomenon requiring the help of a specialist.
The term vaginismus was first used in 1862, it is one of the most common psychological sexual dysfunctions among the fair sex. Women who experience vaginismus suffer from spasms of the muscles of the vagina that occur during sex or any other penetration. That is why pain during sex is the main symptom of this disorder.
However, pain can occur with any other contact with the vagina, for example, when trying to establish a hygienic tampon. If a woman is sexually inactive, and manipulation of tampons hurts her, then this may be a symptom of vaginismus.
It goes without saying that a woman suffering from pain during lovemaking will by all means try to avoid sex for a long time. A man may find this offensive to himself, so this situation should not be ignored - be sure to contact a psychiatrist or sexologist for help, because this can save your marriage. Otherwise, you may develop secondary sexual incompatibility.
Few women visit the gynecologist with great pleasure because of the state of awkwardness and shame during an intimate examination. However, if this examination is also accompanied by painful sensations, then we can talk about vaginismus.
During sex or masturbation, you may experience severe muscle cramps and even shortness of breath. This symptom also indicates the possible presence of vaginismus.

What tips do you give the girl?

Without stress, modern man cannot imagine his existence. Experts say that the minimum amount of stress is even good for health, because with it, a person mobilizes his own strength to respond in various situations, and thereby provide psychological support and protection. In the case when stress is daily present in a person’s life, he goes into the chronic stage, leading to a disturbance in the reaction to events.

Therefore, for modern man, psychological unloading is obligatory. But more and more often there are situations when people cannot psychologically relax. There are many reasons for the inability to relax, among them:

"Excellent student's syndrome" - is expressed in a constant pursuit of excellence. Man constantly sets himself new tasks, and with each successive time raising the bar of his own desires. If it is not possible to achieve the set task, self-flagellation begins. In such situations, it is necessary to realize that every person is forgiven of small weaknesses or setbacks.

Envy, which leads to huge energy costs, without bringing any result. Therefore, it is important to learn how to direct our own energy in a different, positive and active direction.

Someone else's opinion leads to situations when a person strives for perfection in order to show the whole world that for him any task is feasible. But in such a situation, a person experiences huge energy costs, because in addition to performing work, he will be distracted by others, listen to their opinions and respond to every gesture or facial expression. Often the cause of this situation is self-doubt. In addition, the achievements of others are not so important to most people, so you should not waste your own strength and energy in vain.

The desire to protect their own lives, as they say, "lay the straw." But you should not forget that it is not possible to calculate all the moves, and the energy for this is spent many times more. Efforts to protect oneself or protect oneself from negativity lead to a rapid depletion of vitality.

Excessive energy savings also interfere with quality relaxation. Even in order to live “without straining” it is necessary to expend energy and strength. But it turns out a situation where a person believes that he lives relaxed, in fact, only pretends, and, getting used to this lifestyle, subsequently simply can not psychologically change when various situations arise.

It is important not to forget that the ability to relax psychologically will help to overcome various life troubles. And the surrounding world provided a huge amount of sources of inspiration for such relaxation. One has only to take a closer look and see other landmarks in life.

Relaxation, without exaggeration, can be called art, which ideally should be owned by every person. Learn simple and effective ways to learn how to completely relax and maintain inner harmony in any situation.

Reduce the degree of experience

Usually we tend to exaggerate the complexity of almost all life situations. As a result, the tension is growing, which prevents one from acting in the right direction. But, worst of all, when the problem has already been resolved, many people cannot completely relax, continuing to scroll through their minds leading to stress.

How to learn to relax quickly psychologically? Through the formation of a habit, it is right to relate to stressful situations. And it consists in a conscious reduction of fear of failure and expectation of trouble.

If you feel that negative emotions are going off scale, try mentally repeating simple truths to yourself:

no one expects a super result from me;
i am not the worst at handling the situation;
any difficulty is just a step that I climb;
i just help the universe solve the problem in a natural way;
all I do is a manifestation of my personality at a given level of my development;
i am an adult and do not seek anyone's approval, etc.

You cannot change your emotional reactions, but you can control your thoughts and judgments. Thoughts plunge the body into stress much more than direct sensations, so do not let yourself be lost in the endless echo of a problem that has long been resolved or is about to be resolved.

Say "Good!"

One of the main causes of constant tension is increased criticality. This means that you often and strictly judge the people around you and the reality in which you are forced to be. Discontent not only reflects on our face in the form of a grimace of contempt and disgust, but also makes the whole body respond to the negative within us.

Think about what happens when you are unhappy:

muscles of the face, head and neck become strained - a facial expression of the unfortunate person appears, headaches from the so-called helmet of the neurasthenic arise (the muscles of the head contract and increase intracranial pressure);
tension in the muscles of the back leads to impaired posture and pain;
the diaphragm contracts, cramps, pains resembling heart, and digestive problems are possible;
blood pressure rises;
stress hormones are released that deplete the body.

And this is not taking into account how stress puts pressure on you psychologically! If this is the case, do not you think it necessary to change your attitude towards reality? By and large, we cannot change anyone in this world and nothing but ourselves.

Leave the habit of criticizing, tacitly condemning others, and engaging in meaningless debates. As one wisdom says, either you want to be right, or you want to be happy. Tell yourself - everything is fine at this moment! And you will feel significant relief.

Create the right track for your stress

Of course, we need some tension, for example, in work, in achieving the desired, etc. But you must be able to "turn on" and "turn off" depending on the circumstances. For example, a house is a resting place, a place where the whole family regains strength, and the tension of one member causes a chain reaction in others.

On the other hand, relaxation is inappropriate in the workplace, where an employee who is lazily imposingly doing his job will certainly “dampen” the whole team.

When undertaking work, focus, create the right tension:

make a small action plan;
agree on a phased delivery of work - this will drive you;
try to do the job better and faster;
do not be distructed;
check and double-check what you managed to do;
do not take long breaks so as not to lose concentration.

How to learn to relax when you are not working? Just motivate yourself correctly. Firstly, constant stress is unproductive - there is no point in continuing to think over problems, for example, lying in bed before going to bed.

Secondly, although household chores and communication with relatives also require attention, but this is a completely different state, full of gentleness, care and goodwill. The tension here has nothing to do; convince yourself of this as quickly as possible.

Night rest helps to distribute strength

Adequate sleep at a decent time (for many it is from 11 pm to 6-7 am) sets your body to the right rhythm. A healthy body itself perfectly regulates the alternation of tension-relaxation, and for this you need to get enough sleep regularly.

What prevents you from relaxing before bedtime? This can be an uncomfortable pillow or mattress, a pet sleeping in your legs, curtains open, dripping faucet or the TV turned on. Ventilate the bedroom before going to bed, make a bed and take away in the evening from the bedroom all things reminiscent of day cares.

How to learn to relax in bed

An important part of life, such as intimate relationships, also depends on relaxation. The quality of sex is directly related to how fully you can relax your mind and body at the right time. And although pleasant sensations help to be forgotten in many ways, the inner clamp can also deprive of this pleasure.

Of course, the main thing in intimate communication is to throw everything that bothers you out of your head and give your undivided attention to your loved one. But there are some purely technical techniques that help the body understand that the time has come for tenderness and love joy.

Heat. Oddly enough, many women are unable to achieve orgasm due to frozen legs and insufficiently comfortable temperature in the bedroom. If this is your problem too, take a warm bath and warm the room with a heater.

Massage. Touching a loved one will help to relax, if you start with gentle stroking, gradually increasing pressure. Passionate rudeness without foreplay, on the contrary, makes the body tense. Talk about this with your partner.

Fragrances. Many people know about aphrodisiac aromas that stimulate arousal, but few people realize that their mechanism of action includes a calming effect. The smell of vanilla, chocolate, roses perfectly soothes and relaxes.

Consider lighting and sounds as well - dim lights and lounge music will be a great prelude to good sex.

What else helps to relax

Experience proven ways to relieve stress. You can use all the tips or choose one or two of the proposed options and even find something of your own. Most importantly, take the trouble to find an approach to your body.

Classic ways to relieve stress:

physical exercises - running, yoga or gymnastics to music are equally good;
reading aloud your favorite book involves all the verbal processes - speech, listening, thinking - and helps to truly distract;
playing with animals is a great way to relax on a walk or at home;
yoga breathing or light gymnastics with breathing at the expense.

Brew a cup of tea, but not ordinary, but herbal - herbal tea recipes are varied and allow you to choose a combination that suits you in action and taste.