Injury of the rejected, Psychology - Gestalt Club. Fugitive (Forsaken injury)
A man seeks to be happy, tries, at least. But from early childhood, different dangers await at every step.
Sometimes huge, from the category of “force majeure circumstances”, for example, such as illnesses, death of relatives, fires and hurricanes. Sorrow and pain completely fill the whole soul, paralyze the will and take away strength. Time passes, and, basically, there are forces to recover from illness or loss. Little by little, with pain and creak, but slowly his shoulders straighten, a man straightens up and goes on. Soul is at heart, over the years it becomes a bright memory, time gives its comfort and reconciliation.
In the physiological system of living things, there are three methods for responding to the danger of the nervous system - flight and struggle. In the process of evolution of living organisms, a third method appeared - fading.
In the human system, any of the same psychological or physical danger triggers one of the same methods of protection - run / hit.
And in the event of fading, all the tension that arose in the human body as if freezes in it, its body, the will is paralyzed, the understanding of reality disappears, it freezes. Until that moment, until the threat, the danger will not pass. The human psyche is very delicate and vulnerable. And because it happens that a person falling into such a state of fading, he remains in that traumatic situation, in that event and in no way (for years!) Can thaw, “die out”.
Such an injured person constantly returns with thoughts at that moment of his sinking, at the moment of the traumatic event. He constantly scrolls in his head - “a, if I ...”, or “a, if he ...”. And he lives in such a frozen state - in a state of rejection of himself and the whole world.
There is even such a term as “rejected injury”.
She waited several years for him to return. In a frozen state.
She lay, covered with a blanket with her head, lay days, nights, did not want to eat or drink. She pulled her legs to her chin and whined softly. From pain, from powerlessness and misunderstanding of what happened. Tears fools rolled down on knotted lumps of pillows, heart became a stone - not to breathe.
Sorted through the memory of what was actually there or dreamed of?
And what happened there? I don’t remember.
Only evening, wind, cold rain. And the fact that he talked to her not as usual, but as the last time. She so wanted to think: as if in the last, as if making-believe, that it’s just that, some kind of absurdity and misunderstanding, they still have a lot of time - all life is ahead.
His barely audible: “I'm sorry,” the slam of the door of a night taxi, and she was left alone in the middle of the glowing windows of the houses, slanting rain, horror, and gripping foreboding grief.
She waited a whole month, waited for him, well, or at least, a call. To - came, hugged, so huge, warm, smacked, as usual on the forehead: "Well, miss you?"
In vain she twitched, the phone was silent. She could not bear this emptiness, in her soul and in her thoughts - a complete failure, darkness and blackness filled her whole being. And was it the essence?
Nothing of her former was left in her, something new sprouted - a clumsy, absurd and awkward creature thrown in the middle of the night with a dull, aching hole in her chest.
Parents, friends, girlfriends - no one understood her behavior, her frozen state: “Stop suffering! You think! There’s still so much ahead! ”
And she did not have the strength and resource to start the mechanism of "digestion" of pain. While she was returning that day, to that trauma - she was trying to find a way out and a way that would help her get out of that fading. But, dipping and falling into pain, I could not thaw.
Until I got to see a specialist. Together, they were able to get closer to that frozen focus of tension, which strayed and curled into a lump of anxiety and despair. Unraveled for a long time, along the thread, carefully treating the wounds. For the human psyche is so thin and fragile.
Take care of yourself.
Injuries, experiences - this is a natural process of human life. To find the strength to overcome life's obstacles, you cannot leave wounds open. It is better to treat wounds in a timely manner so that all subsequent events do not turn into a “life-pain"
Characteristics of the rejected injury:
Awakening Injury: from the moment of conception to one year; with a parent of his gender. Does not feel the right to exist.
Mask: fugitive.
Parent: the same gender.
Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.
Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; the impression of a mask around the eyes.
Dictionary: “Nothing”, “nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I feel sick from ...”.
Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intellectuality. Transitions through the stages of great love for periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist.
Sexual difficulties. Considers himself useless to no one, a jerk. Seeks solitude. Stewed. Able to be invisible. Finds a variety of escape methods. Easy to go to the astral plane. He believes that they do not understand him. He cannot let his inner child live in peace.
Most afraid: panic attacks.
Food: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as ways to escape. Predisposition to anorexia.
Typical diseases: Skin, diarrhea, arrhythmia, respiratory failure, allergies, vomiting, fainting, coma, hypoglycemia, diabetes, depression, suicidal tendencies, psychoses.
Runaway Diseases:
Among other diseases characteristic of the fugitive, we also see violations respiratory functionsespecially during a panic.
The fugitive is prone to allergies - This is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.
He can elect and vomit as an indicator of his aversion to a specific person or to a situation. I even heard such sayings from adolescents: “I want to vomit my mother (or father).” The fugitive often wants to "vomit" a situation or a hated person and can express his feeling with the words: "This is a sickening person" or "I am sick of your conversations." All of these are ways to express your desire to reject someone or something.
Dizziness or fainting - also suitable means, if you really want to avoid a situation or person.
In serious cases, the fugitive escapes coma.
Fugitive suffering agoraphobia, uses this disorder when he wants to avoid some situations and people who can cause him to panic (more on this behavioral disorder will be discussed in chapter 3).
If a fugitive abuses sugar, he can provoke pancreatic diseases such as hypoglycemiaor diabetes.
If he has accumulated too much hatred for the parent as a result of the suffering endured and experienced by him as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop depressive or manic-depressivestate. If he plans to commit suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides for everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they go to action are more likely to be abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.
From childhood, it is difficult for a fugitive to recognize himself as a full-fledged human being, therefore he seeks to be like a hero or heroine adored by him, he is ready to get lost, dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl longs to be Marilyn Monroe; it lasts until she decides to be someone else.
The danger of such a deviation in behavior lies in the fact that over time it can turn into psychosis.
The structure is schizoid in nature.
Description
The term "schizoid" comes from "schizophrenia" and means a person who has a predisposition to a schizophrenic state. This includes splitting the personality as a whole, for example, thinking is separated from the senses. What a person thinks seems to have little visible connection with what he feels or how he behaves; withdrawal of oneself, rupture or loss of contact with the world or with external reality. A schizoid individual is not a schizophrenic and may never become one, but a predisposition to this disease is present in his personality, usually well compensated.
The term “schizoid” describes a person whose sense of self is diminished, whose ego is weak, and whose contact with the body and feelings is greatly weakened.
Bioenergy conditions
Energy is diverted from the peripheral structures of the body, namely from those parts through which the body contacts the outside world: face, hands, genitals and legs. They are not completely energetically connected with the center, i.e., excitation from the center does not flow freely to them, but is blocked by chronic muscle tension at the base of the head, shoulders, pelvis and hip joints. Therefore, the functions performed by them are separated from the senses in the human heart.
The internal charge is prone to "freezing" in the center. As a result, a weak impulse is formed. Nevertheless, the charge is explosive (due to its pressure) and can burst out in the form of violence or murder. This happens when the defenses can no longer hold back and the body overflows with a huge amount of energy, which it can not cope with. The personality is divided into many parts, as a result of which a schizophrenic state develops.
Protection consists of a pattern of muscle tension, which together continuously maintain a personality, preventing the filling of peripheral structures with feelings and energy. Muscle strains, such as those described above, are responsible for disconnecting peripheral organs from contact with the center.
Thus, protection is problematic. In the waist area there is an energy splitting of the body, and as a result of this - the disintegration of the integrity of the upper and lower halves of the body. Bioenergy analysis is shown in the diagram.
Physical aspects
In most cases, in patients with such signs, the body is narrow and pinched. Where paranoid elements are present in the personality, the body is fuller and more athletic in appearance.
The main areas of tension are located at the base of the skull, in the joints of the shoulders, legs, pelvis and in the area of \u200b\u200bthe diaphragm. The latter is usually so powerful that it divides the body into two parts. The main contractions are concentrated in the small muscles that surround the joints. Therefore, in this type of character one can observe either extreme stiffness or super-flexibility of the joints.
Masked face. Although the eyes are not empty, as in schizophrenia, they are inanimate and do not come into contact. Hands hang, more like sprouts than continuation of the body. The feet are tense and cold; they are often twisted; body weight is transferred to the outside of the foot.
Often there is a noticeable mismatch between the two halves of the body. In many cases, they do not appear to belong to one person.
For example, under stress, when a person assumes an arc position, his body line often seems broken. The head, trunk and legs are often at an angle to each other.
Psychological relationships
A person does not feel whole / 14 /. The tendency to disconnect, arising at the bodily level due to the insufficient energy connection between the head and body, leads to a split personality. So, you can find a pose of arrogance in combination with humility or a virgin who feels like a whore. In the latter case, the body is as if divided into two parts - the upper and lower.
In the schizoid nature, hypersensitivity is detected due to the weak border of the ego, which is a psychological copy of the lack of peripheral charge. This weakness reduces the ego's resistance to external pressure and forces it to go into self-defense.
Such people avoid close, sensual relationships. In fact, it is very difficult for them to establish such a relationship due to a lack of energy in peripheral structures.
The desire to always motivate action gives a schizoid behavior a hint of insincerity. This was called “as if” behavior, that is, it seems to be based on feelings, but actions alone are not an expression of feelings.
Etiological and historical factors
It seems important here to provide some data on the origin of this structure. These are summarized observations of those who studied this problem, treated and analyzed patients with such disorders.
In all cases, there is clear evidence that patients at an early age were rejected by their mother, and this was perceived by them as a threat to their existence. The rejection was accompanied by hidden and often open hostility on her part.
Rejection and hostility developed in the patient the fear that any attempt at contact, demand, or self-affirmation would lead to the destruction of himself.
From childhood comes the lack of any strong positive feelings of security or joy, frequent nightmares.
Typical of such patients is both detached and unemotional behavior with random bursts of rage called autistic.
If any of the parents repeatedly intervened in the life of the child during the Oedipus period (for example, for sexual reasons), which is very widespread, then another paranoid element was added to the main symptom. This made possible some activity at the end of childhood or in adulthood.
In all this, the child has no choice but to separate himself from reality (intense life of imagination) and from his body (abstract mind) in order to survive. Due to the fact that the main feelings he had were horror and mortal rage, the child was fenced off from all feelings by self-defense.
By voice:
· The fugitive has a weak, powerless voice.
Dance manner:
· The fugitive does not like dancing. If he dances, then his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to be written on it: "Do not look at me for a long time."
Vehicle selection:
· The fugitive loves stealth cars of dim color.
Sitting pose:
· The fugitive cringes, trying to take as little space as possible in the chair. She likes to squeeze her legs under herself: when not connected to the ground, it is easier to run away.
Fears:
· The fugitive is most afraid of panic. He cannot properly realize this, because he is hiding, disappearing as soon as he starts to panic, or even earlier than it starts. Those around him see panic without difficulty - his eyes almost always give out.
Gender Injuries:
· The traitor of the rejected is experienced with a parent of his gender. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by persons of the same gender as himself. He accuses them of rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than to himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he even more rejects himself. Accordingly, in this case, his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left.
Injury Healing:
· Your injury rejected it’s close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to affirm yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic are becoming less common.
Rejected Injury
FAVORITE BODYBODY (Injury of the rejected)
Let's look at the dictionaries of what the words “reject”, “rejected” mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: to push away; dismiss, refuse; do not tolerate; to not allow; set up.
Often, people can hardly grasp the difference between two concepts - “reject” and “leave”. To leave someone means to withdraw from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject is to push away, not to want to see next to you and in your life. Reject uses the expression: "I do not want"and the one who leaves says: "I can not".
Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected person feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five injuries, the feeling of the rejected is manifested first, and this means that the cause of such an injury in the life of an individual arises earlier than others. The soul that returned to Earth in order to cure this trauma is rejected from the very moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.
A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born "by chance". If the soul of this baby did not cope with the experience of the rejected, that is, it could not remain by itself and remain in prosperity, despite its rejection, then it will inevitably experience the state of the rejected. A bright case - a child the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects his child; here it is very important for us to understand that only those souls who need to survive the experience of the rejected are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.
It often happens that the parent does not intend to reject the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even a minor, occasion after an insulting remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound is not healed, it is very easy to separate. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his injury, and the feeling that he is rejected is only exacerbated, although it may not be true.
From that day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask Fugitives. I had to observe and treat many times germinal regression, and I was convinced that the person with the trauma of the rejected still in the womb feels very small, tries to occupy as little space as possible, and he always has a feeling of darkness, darkness. This confirmed my hunch that the mask fugitive may begin to form before birth.
I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term “fugitive” to refer to a person suffering from the complex of the rejected. Mask fugitive - this is another, new personality, character, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.
This mask appears physically as elusive physique, that is, the body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, concise, it is as if specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, occupy less space, and not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the image running away, slipping away and his whole life seeks to occupy as little space as possible. When you see a person who looks like an ethereal ghost - “skin and bones” - you can expect with a high degree of certainty that he suffers from the deep trauma of the rejected being.
Fugitive - this is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she was not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an incomplete, incomplete, consisting of fragments that are not well fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, can differ markedly from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?
When I talk about the "incomplete" body, I mean those parts of the body where, as it were, there are not enough whole pieces (buttocks, breasts, chin, ankles much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. )
Having seen how such a person holds (shoulders are moved forward, hands are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body twisted. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body are different from others in age; and some people generally look like adults in a child’s body.
A deformed body, causing pity, eloquently suggests that this person carries within himself the trauma of the rejected. Before being born, his soul herself chose this body to put herself in a situation conducive to overcoming this trauma.
Characteristic feature fugitive are small face and eyes. Eyes seem empty or absent, because a person with such an injury is inclined to leave for his world or “fly to the moon” (to the astral plane) whenever possible. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching face fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on it, especially before your eyes. He himself often thinks that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives They admitted to me that sometimes the feeling of a mask on their faces does not go away all day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around.
Not to be present, so as not to suffer.
The presence of all these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected is very deep, much deeper than that of a person with a single sign - for example, only with eyes fugitive. If the body is inherent, say, half the signs fugitive, it can be assumed that this person wears a protective mask not all the time, but about half. This may apply, for example, to a person with a sufficiently large body, but a small face and small eyes. fugitive or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all signs of the rejected are observed, then the injury is not so deep either.
Wearing a mask is not to be yourself. As a child, we develop not mine demeanor, believing that she will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, slip away, disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a mask fugitiveusually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not create problems.
Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even consider that his parents are not real, that they confused the newborns in the hospital. Such children devise many ways to escape from home; one of them is a pronounced desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, "to the moon." One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.
On the other hand, the child of such a warehouse wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I recall one girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents met guests on the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that there was no child, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she heard well how the anxiety of adults was growing. She said to herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist. ”. This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she was comfortable with situations that could confirm this right.
Since the body size of such a child is smaller than average and it often resembles a doll or some fragile and defenseless creature, the mother takes care of him too much; and he gets used to the fact that everyone constantly says: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in it so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, “being loved” means something asphyxiating to him. Subsequently, when someone falls in love with him,
his first impulse will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest in him. An overly ward child feels rejected, feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, loved ones try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.
Fugitive prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems that he really looks at everything material from top to bottom. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything that is connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she did not like to go to the shops. She does this only to feel alive. Fugitive admits that money is necessary, but they do not bring him joy.
Detachment fugitive from material things becomes the cause of difficulties in his sex life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many fugitives-Women told me that they considered sex a non-spiritual phenomenon, especially after they became mothers. Some even managed to set up their spouse so that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire period of pregnancy.
Fugitives it can be very difficult to understand that they can and have the right to have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate to situations in which they are rejected sexually - or they themselves refuse a sexual life.
The trauma of rejection is experienced with a parent of his gender.
If you recognize yourself in the description of a person who feels rejected, it means that you have experienced the same feeling with respect to the parent of the same gender. It is this parent who first picks up an existing wound. And then rejection and dislike of this parent, even hate, become quite normal and human.
The role of the parent of the same sex with us is to teach us to love - to love ourselves and give love. The parent of the opposite sex must be taught to allow yourself to love and accept love .
Without accepting the parent, we just as naturally decide not to use it as a model. If you see that this is also your injury, then know that it is this rejection that explains your difficulties: being the same sex with an unloved parent, you cannot accept yourself and love yourself.
Fugitive He does not believe in his value; he himself does not put himself in anything. And for this reason, uses all means to become perfect and gain value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The word “NOBODY” is a favorite in his dictionary, and with the same success he applies it both to himself and to others:
"My boss said that I was nobody, I had to leave.".
"AT economic matters my mother is nobody ”.
“My father is just nobody in a relationship with my mom. So did my spouse; I do not blame him for leaving me. ”.
In Quebec, they prefer the word "NOTHING":
“I know that I'm nothing, others are more interesting than me”.
“No matter what I do, it doesn’t give anything, anyway I have to start all over again”.
“I’m nothing, nothing ... do as you want”.
One man- fugitive admitted at a seminar that he feels like a jerk and a slacker in front of his father. “When he speaks to me, I am crushed. If able to think, then only about how to slip away from him; where all my arguments and composure go. His presence alone depresses me. ”. Woman- fugitive told me how at the age of sixteen she decided that from now on mother for her nothing - after the mother said that it would be better if she did not have such a daughter, it would be better if she disappeared, even if she died. Avoiding suffering, the daughter has since completely withdrawn from her mother.
It is interesting to note that the flight of a child who feels rejected is mainly encouraged by the parent of the same sex. Most often in stories about children leaving home I have to hear the phrase of the parent: “Are you leaving? Very good, it’ll become freer here. ”. The child, of course, feels his rejection even more painfully and is even more angry with the parent. This kind of situation easily arises with a parent who himself suffers from the same trauma. He encourages care, because he knows this remedy well, even if he is not aware of it.
Noticeable place in the dictionary fugitive also occupy the words "does not exist", "nonexistent." For example, to the questions: “How is it with sex?” or “What is your relationship with such a person?” he answers: “They do not exist”while most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.
Fugitive also loves words fade away. He can say: “My father treats my mother like a prostitute ... I would like to disappear” or “If only my parents would be gone!”
Fugitive he seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people he is stewed. He believes that he must endure to the end the most unpleasant situations, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he does not see options for salvation. Here is an example: a girl asks her mom to help deal with the lessons and hears in response: “Go to dad. Can't you see that I'm busy, and he has nothing to do? ” The first reaction of the rejected child will be the thought: “Well, again, I was not courteous, and so my mother refused to help me”and then the girl will go look for a quiet corner where she can hide from everyone.
At fugitive usually very few friends at school, and subsequently at work. He is considered closed and left alone. The more he isolates himself, the more invisible he seems. He falls into a vicious circle: feeling rejected, he puts on a mask fugitiveso as not to suffer; he is so shy that others cease to notice him; he becomes more and more lonely, which gives him even more reason to feel rejected.
And now I will describe to you a situation that was repeated many times at the very end of my seminars, at the moment when everyone tells how the seminar helped him. I find with great surprise the presence of a person whom I have not noticed during the two-day workshop! I ask myself: “But where was she hiding all this time?” Then I see that she has a body fugitivethat she arranged herself so as not to speak or ask questions during the whole seminar, and that she sat all the time behind the others, trying not to be in sight. When I tell such participants that they are too shy, they reply almost invariably that they have nothing to say interesting, therefore they did not say.
Really, fugitive usually speaks little. Sometimes he can speak, and he speaks a lot - he is trying to assert his significance; in this case, others see pride in his statements.
At fugitive The SKIN PROBLEM often develops so that it is not touched. Skin is a contact organ, its appearance can attract or repel another person. Skin disease is an unconscious way to protect yourself from touch, especially in those places that are associated with the problem. I have heard from fugitives: “When they touch me, I have the impression of being pulled out of my cocoon”. The wound of the rejected achs and makes him finally believe that if he leaves for his world, he will not suffer any more, since he himself will not reject himself, and others will not be able to reject him. Therefore, he often shies away from participating in group work, stewing. He is hiding in his cocoon.
Therefore fugitive easily and willingly goes on astral travels: unfortunately, these travels are more often made unconsciously. He may even think that this is a common occurrence and that others are there as often as he is. In thoughts and ideas fugitive constantly scattered; sometimes you can hear from him: “I need to assemble myself” - it seems to him that it consists of separate pieces. This impression is especially characteristic of those whose body resembles a structure of disparate parts. More than once I heard from fugitives: “I feel as if cut off from other people. It's like I'm not here. ”. Some told me that sometimes they distinctly feel how their body is divided in half - as if an invisible thread cuts it at the waist. In a friend of mine, this thread shared her body at chest level. As a result of applying the detachment technique that I teach at one of my seminars, she felt that the upper and lower parts of her body were connected, and was very surprised by the new sensation. This helped her to understand that she had not really been in her body since childhood. She never knew what it means to be attached to the earth.
At the workshops I notice fugitives, mainly women who like to sit on a chair with their legs crossed underneath; it seems that they would be more comfortable sitting on the ground. But, since they almost do not touch the earth, it is not difficult for them sneak out. But they pay money to attend our classes, and this fact confirms their intention - or at least the desire of some of them - to be herealthough it’s very difficult for them to concentrate, “assemble themselves”. Therefore, I tell them that they have a choice - to go to the astral plane and skip what is happening here, or to remain attached to their place and be present in the present.
As I said above, fugitive does not feel acceptance or goodwill on the part of the parent of the same gender. This does not necessarily mean that the parent rejects it. It is his, fugitive, personal feeling. The same soul could come to Earth in order to get rid of the trauma of humiliation, and incarnate with these same parents with exactly the same attitude towards their child. On the other hand, it goes without saying that fugitive tends to experience the experience of the rejected more than any other person - say, brother or sister - who does not have this trauma.
A person experiencing the suffering of the rejected is constantly seeking the love of a parent of the same gender; he can also transfer his search to other persons of the same gender. He will consider himself a creature incomplete until he won the love of the parent. He is very sensitive to the slightest remark from this parent and is always ready to decide that he rejects him. It gradually develops bitterness and bitterness, often turning into hatred - so great is his suffering. Do not forget that hate requires a lot of love. Hatred is a strong but frustrated love. The wound of the rejected is so deep that of all five characters fugitive most prone to hatred. He easily passes the stage of great love in order to surrender to great hatred. This is an indicator of the strongest inner suffering.
As for the parent of the opposite sex, then fugitive he himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him. Because of his injury, he cannot be himself. He resorts to various tricks and precautions so as not to reject this parent - he does not want to be accused of having rejected anyone himself. On the other hand, he wants the parent of the same sex to curry favor with him - this allows him to not so sharply feel his rejection. He does not want to see that his suffering of the rejected is caused by an internal outlasted trauma, and the parent has nothing to do with it. If fugitive experiencing the experience of the opposite sex rejected by the parent (or another person), then blames himself for this and rejects himself.
If you see the trauma of the rejected in yourself, then for you, even if your parent really rejects you, it is very important to understand and accept the following thought: “It is because your trauma is not cured that you attract a certain type of situation and a certain parent.” As long as you consider that all your misfortunes are caused by the fault of other people, your injury cannot be cured. As a result of your reaction to your own parents, it will be very easy for you to have the feeling of rejecting your gender by other people, and you will always be afraid to reject a person of the opposite sex yourself.
The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the more he draws to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected or rejects .
More than fugitive rejects himself, the stronger his fear of rejection. He constantly humiliates and underestimates himself. He often compares himself with those who are stronger in something than him, and thus develops a belief in his own second-rate. He does not notice that in some areas he can surpass other people. He will not believe that someone would like to make friends with him, that someone sees his spouse in him, that they can truly love him. One mother told me about her children: they tell her that they love her, but she does not understand for what they love her!
Everything turns out so that fugitive constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, provokes the situation; if he is not elected, then he feels rejected by others. One young man from a large family told me that his father never entrusted him with anything, from which the child made a definitive conclusion that all other children are better than him. And it is not surprising that now father always chooses one of them. A vicious circle has formed.
Fugitive often says (or thinks) that all his affairs and thoughts are worthless. When they pay attention to him, he is lost, he begins to think that he takes up too much space. If he takes up a lot of space, it seems to him that he is interfering with someone, which means that he will be rejected by those whom he will bother. Even in the womb fugitive does not take up extra space. He is doomed to stew until his injury is healed.
When he speaks and someone interrupts him, he instantly perceives this as proof that he is not worth listening to, and habitually falls silent. The man, not burdened by the trauma of the rejected, in this case also concludes that his statement was uninteresting - but not he! Fugitive it is equally difficult to express one’s opinion when they don’t ask him: it seems to him that the interlocutors will see a confrontation in it and reject it.
If he has a question or a request to someone, but this person is busy, then he will not say anything. He knows what he wants, but he does not dare to ask for it, considering that it is not so important as to bother others.
Many women say that even in adolescence they no longer trusted their mother for fear of not being understood. They believe that to be understood is to be loved. Meanwhile, one has nothing to do with the other. To love is to accept another, even if you do not understand him. Because of this belief, they become evasive in conversation. And it turns out that they are always trying to get away from the subject of discussion, but they are afraid to proceed with another. Of course, they behave not only with their mother, but also with other women. If fugitive - a man, his relations with his father and other men are exactly the same.
Another distinguishing feature fugitive is the desire for excellence in everything that he does: he believes that if he makes a mistake, he will be condemned, and to be condemned for him is the same as to be rejected. Since he does not believe in his own perfection, he is trying to compensate for this with the perfection of what he does. Unfortunately, he confuses "to be" and "to do." The search for excellence can go as far as obsession with him. He so longs for everything do it is impeccable that any work takes him unreasonably much time. And ultimately it is because of this that they reject him.
Reaching its limit, fear is fugitive goes into panic. At the mere thought of the possibility of panic, he first of all searches for where to hide, escape, disappear. He would prefer to disappear, because he knows: in a state of panic, he will not budge at all. He believes that by hiding somewhere, he will escape trouble. He is so convinced of his inability to cope with the panic that in the end it is very easy to succumb to it, even when there is no reason for it. Desire to hide, disappear deeply peculiar fugitives; I have often seen cases of regression to an embryonic state. Such people said that they wanted to hide in their mother’s stomach, another evidence of how early this begins.
Pulling to himself, like a magnet, people and the situations he is afraid of, fugitive likewise provokes circumstances in which he has panic. His fear, of course, dramatizes what is happening even more. He always finds any kind of explanation for his flight or evasion.
Fugitive it panics and stiffens with fear especially easily in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex (especially if they remind this parent of something). He does not feel this fear with a parent and with other people of the opposite sex, it is much easier for him to communicate with them. I also noticed that in the dictionary fugitive the word "panic" is quite common. He can say, for example: “I am in panic at the thought of quitting smoking.”. Usually a person will simply say that it is difficult for him to give up smoking.
Our ego does everything possible so that we do not notice our injuries. Why? Because we ourselves gave him this mandate. Unconsciously. We are so afraid to relive the pain associated with each trauma that we use all means to avoid admitting to ourselves that we are suffering the rejected being because we reject ourselves. And those who reject us have come into our lives in order to show us how much we reject ourselves.
Fear of own panic in many situations leads fugitive to the fact that he loses his memory. He might even think that he has a memory problem, but in fact he has a problem with fear. During course workshops "Become a mass-entertainer" I have repeatedly observed this picture: one of the participants, fugitive, must speak to the rest and say something or hold a mini-conference; but even when he is well prepared and knows his material, fear at the last minute grows to such a level that everything comes out of the head of the speaker. Sometimes he simply leaves his body, and it freezes in front of us, as if paralyzed - neither give nor take a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this problem is gradually being solved as he overcomes his trauma of the rejected.
It is interesting to observe how our injuries affect our attitude to food. A person feeds his physical body in the same way as the mental and emotional. Fugitive prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other strong emotions. Of all the types listed fugitive most prone to anorexia: he almost completely refuses to eat, because he seems to himself too big and well-fed, although in reality the opposite is true. Weight loss below normal, exhaustion is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes appetite wins, and then fugitive eagerly pounces on food - this is also an attempt to disappear, dissolve in food. However, this method fugitives rarely used; more often they are attracted to alcohol or drugs.
Fugitives have a weakness for sweets, especially when they are overcome by intense fear. Since fear takes away energy from a person, it is natural to assume that the introduction of sugar into the body can make up for the loss. Indeed, sugar gives energy, but, unfortunately, not for long, so you have to replenish it in this way too often.
Our injuries prevent us from being ourselves; because of this, blocks appear in the body and, as a result, diseases. Each type of character has its own special ailments and illnesses, determined by its internal mental structure.
Here are some typical fugitive disease and malaise.
He often suffers from DIARRHEA - he rejects, throws away food before the body has time to absorb nutrients, just as he rejects a situation that could be beneficial for him.
Many suffer from arrhythmia - irregular heart rhythm. When the heart begins to beat like mad, they have a feeling that it wants to break out of its chest, fly away; this is another form of desire to avoid a painful situation.
I have said before that the wound of the rejected is so painful that fugitive hatred towards the parent of his gender, which he, as a child, condemned for the suffering inflicted on him, develops quite logically. Forgive yourself, however, for hating your parent fugitive cannot and prefers not to think and not to know about the existence of this hatred. Without giving himself the right to hate a parent of his gender, he can bring himself to cancer with CANCER: this disease is associated with bitterness, anger, hatred - with mental pain experienced in loneliness.
If a person manages to come to the recognition that he hated or hates a parent, then there will be no cancer. He may develop an acute illness if he continues to harbor plans that are hostile to this parent, but it will not be cancer. Cancer manifests itself most often in someone who has suffered a lot, but blames it only himself. To accept that you hate father or mother is really difficult, because it means recognizing oneself as evil and heartless; it also means accepting that you reject the parent whom you yourself have blamed for rejecting you.
Fugitive does not give himself the right to be a child. He forces ripening, believing that it will suffer less from his injury. For this reason, his body (or some part of it) also resembles the body of a child. Cancer indicates that he did not give the child the right to suffer in himself. He did not accept that it is humanly fair to hate a parent whom you consider to be the culprit of his sufferings.
Among other diseases characteristic of fugitive, we also see impaired RESPIRATORY FUNCTIONS, especially during a panic.
Fugitive subject to ALLERGIES - this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.
He can choose VOMIT as an indicator of his aversion to a particular person or to a situation. I heard even such statements from adolescents: “I want to vomit my mother (or father).” Fugitive often wants to "vomit" a situation or a hated person and can express his feeling in words: "This is a sickening man." or "I am sick of your conversations". All of these are ways to express your desire to reject someone or something.
SWEEPING or FUNNING are also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.
In serious cases fugitive is saved by COMO.
FugitiveAgorophobia sufferer uses this disorder when he wants to avoid some situations and people who can cause him to panic (more on this behavioral disorder will be discussed in chapter 3).
If fugitive abuse sugar, it can provoke diseases of the pancreas, such as HYPOGLYCEMIA or DIABETES.
If he has accumulated too much hatred for the parent as a result of the suffering experienced and experienced by him as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop a DEPRESSIVE or MANIAKAL-DEPRESSIVE state. If he plans to commit suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides for everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they go to action are more likely to be abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.
Fugitive since childhood it is difficult to recognize oneself as a full-fledged human being, therefore he seeks to be like the hero or heroine adored by him, he is ready to get lost, dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl longs to be Marilyn Monroe; it lasts until she decides to be someone else. The danger of such a deviation in behavior lies in the fact that over time it can turn into PSYCHOS.
The diseases and ailments listed above are also possible in people with other types of injuries, but nevertheless they are most often found in those who feel rejected.
If you find yourself injured by the rejected, then it is more than likely that your parent of the same sex also feels rejected by his parent of the same gender; moreover, it is very likely that he feels rejected by you too. This may not be recognized by any of the parties, nevertheless, this is true and confirmed by thousands of people - fugitives.
Remember: the main reason for the existence of any injury is the inability to forgive yourself for the wound inflicted on yourself or other people. It’s very difficult to forgive ourselves, because, as a rule, we don’t even know that we condemn ourselves. The deeper your wound is rejected, the more accurately it indicates that you reject yourself - or reject other people, situations and projects.
We reproach others for not wanting to see ourselves .
That is why we attract people who show us how we behave with others or with ourselves.
Another means of realizing that we are rejecting ourselves or rejecting another person is shame. Indeed, we experience a sense of shame when we want to hide or hide our behavior. It is normal to find shameful behavior in which we reproach others. We really do not want them to find that we behave in exactly the same way.
Remember: everything described above is experienced only if the suffering rejected person decides to wear a fugitive mask, believing that in this way he will avoid suffering proportional to the depth of the injury. He wears this mask in some cases for several minutes a week, in others - almost constantly .
Characteristic behavior fugitive, dictated by the fear of a repetition of the suffering of the rejected. But it may be that you recognize yourself in some of the features of behavior described above, but not in all. Full coincidence of all characteristics is almost impossible. Each injury has its own forms of behavior and internal conditions. The way a person thinks, feels, speaks and acts (in accordance with his injuries) determines his reaction to everything that happens in life. A person in a state of reaction cannot be balanced, cannot be concentrated in his heart, cannot experience well-being and happiness. That is why it is so important to be aware when you are reacting and when you remain yourself. If this succeeds, then you have the opportunity to become the master of your life, and not let fears control it.
In this chapter, I set out to help you realize the trauma of the rejected. If you recognize yourself in a mask fugitive, then in the last chapter you will find complete information on how to recover from this trauma, how to become yourself again and not suffer from the feeling that everyone rejects you. If you do not find this injury in yourself, then I advise you to contact those who know you well for confirmation; this will eliminate the error. As I said, the rejected person’s injury can be shallow, and then you will have only certain characteristic features fugitive. Let me remind you that trust should first of all be a physical description, because the physical body never lies, in contrast to its owner, who is quite capable of deceiving himself.
If you find this injury in someone else, you should not try to change it. Better use everything you learn from this book to develop more compassion for other people in order to better understand the nature of their reactive behavior. And it is better if they themselves read this book if they have an interest in the problem than try to retell its contents to them.
Failure injury characteristics
Awakening injury:from the moment of conception to one year; with a parent of your gender.Does not feel the right to exist.
Mask: fugitive.
Parent:the same gender.
Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.
Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; the impression of a mask around the eyes.
Dictionary: “Nothing” “nobody” “does not exist” “disappear” “I am sick of ...”.
Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intellectuality. Transitions through the stages of great love for periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist. Sexual difficulties. Considers himself useless to no one, a jerk. Seeks solitude. Stewed. Able to be invisible. Finds a variety of escape methods. Easy to go to the astral plane. He believes that they do not understand him. He cannot let his inner child live in peace.
Most afraid: panic attacks.
Food: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as ways to escape. Predisposition to anorexia.
Typical diseases: Cutaneous Diarrhea Arrhythmia Respiratory failure Allergies Vomiting Fainting Coma Hypoglycemia Diabetes Depression Suicidal tendencies Psychoses.
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How does the fugitive appear?The Forsaken trauma forms in the first two years of life. In general, all five injuries are formed between the ages of two and five years, if you disregard the theory of reincarnation and bring the processes described by Liz Burbo to a more realistic basis, which can be freely observed in life situations of families with children of this age.
When we talk about the age of one year, we are talking about the age at which any situation is seen as a situation of sufficient or insufficient trust in the environment to live.
The problem of the Outcast, which Liz Burbo talks about, is that the child is not able to understand what is happening around him. The child only feels that the situation is not the same, it is uncomfortable and unpleasant to be in it, and she lacks support from her parents.
What is the essence of injury?
The Fugitive's injury is a situation in which a person does not feel enough confidence in the environment in which he is to live comfortably. Moreover, he distrusts him constantly. “I'm fine when I'm not there,” he thinks, trying to hide from the world.
“Normal” here means that the likelihood of an increase in the usual level of discomfort is minimized.
How does the Forsaken escape?
Not at all this will be connected with the mask that Liz Burbo describes, so you should not literally focus on the external description. Injury manifests itself in behavior, it can be noticeable in everyday or social habits. It can be especially clearly seen in the usual speech forms. “Pay no attention to me,” “I’ve already left,” “I’m nothing, I’m so.” "\u003e
Try unexpectedly asking the Fugitive:
- How do you feel?
“No way,” he will most likely answer.
How is this "no way"? After all, we are not ethereal, and in the body there are always some sensations, ranging from comfort to pain. And an adult, if only he is alive (and if this is not an escapee) is able to understand how he feels and find words to describe. What about the fugitive? But he really does not feel himself at all, he calls up with his body on major holidays.
Another fugitive standard answer to a simple household question:
- What do you want?
“Nothing,” he traditionally replies.
Why the hell would he want something to teach him this? They are especially good at the time of choosing something.
- What will you be?
- Nothing.
You can complicate the task:
“Do you have ice cream with jam or nuts?”
– ...
In response to such a “super-complex” question, the Fugitive may withdraw into himself and not return.
Why does trust under the age of one year play such a significant role?
Heavy text about eight ages here.
Rejected Injury
Until relatively recently, a person who was already quite old could not understand why it is so difficult for him to give in life everything that others easily achieve? How is it that one has to make almost inhuman efforts, and, figuratively speaking, stagnate, and for another, each step becomes not just a step, but a real take-off? And only with the increasing popularity among ordinary people of the science of psychology did it become known that there are certain human injurythat predetermine his life not just from birth, but long before him. Such is the trauma of the rejected.
What is the concept of outcast?
Turning to the dictionary, one can immediately find several definitions of what “rejected” or “rejected” people mean. Immediately I would like to draw attention to the fact that this concept is fundamentally different from the concept of abandoned, because its meaning is not that the person, until recently needed and needed by many, was suddenly alone, but that they did not accept him from the very beginning.
The most striking example is when a person is rejected even before he is born - the birth of an unwanted child. And not only that which is essentially not needed either by the woman herself or the family as a whole, but even just a child of the wrong sex. Few of the future parents attach importance to their words when they tell everyone around that they will have a boy (girl), because it cannot be otherwise! And let others perceive this as a good joke, and even “sympathize jokingly” when expectations are not fulfilled - nothing can be corrected: the baby, having not yet had time to be born, has already received all those difficulties that entail the trauma of the rejected.
However, even if such a development of events was avoided, and mom and dad got the desired son or daughter, this is not a guarantee that this problem will not affect the child later. We draw your attention to the fact that it is not necessary to be bad parents (in the accepted sense of the word in modern society) in order to reject their children. Human injury therefore dangerous because they are applied to him subconsciously, i.e. it is very difficult to somehow influence and avoid such a development of events. And everything happens is trite: parents who are always busy “redirect” the child to each other, explaining that there are more important things to do. It may be that, having grown older, a person is able to evaluate such situations objectively, however, in childhood, with each such “redirect”, his understanding grows that his parents do not need him, that he does not have a right to exist.
What happens to the outcast's life?
In a nutshell - nothing good. Moreover, while the child is small, and the sad outcome of the events could be prevented, no one pays attention to the manifestation of the signs of the rejected: all attempts by the child to feel his importance, to prove to himself that he exists, are perceived by parents as whims and in most cases are severely suppressed. What could it be? Most often, the rejected person tries to hide, become invisible, but paradoxically he does it in such a way as to attract as much attention as possible, thereby causing even greater dissatisfaction of the parents. The circle is closed: adults, as a punishment, deprive the child of their society, and he, feeling rejected, does everything he considers right to get into this society.
With the growing up of the child, his complexes also mature. Now, a person with such an injury is trying not to attract the attention of those who, in his opinion, rejected it, but initially tries to make sure that it is not rejected - simply to avoid contact with such people. And if, nevertheless, interaction cannot be avoided and communication does not work as we would like, the outcast will blame himself for everything and move even further away from the one who, in his opinion (often subjective), rejected him.
The consequences of rejected injury in adulthood
If someone believes that human injurythat he received in childhood remains there forever and does not cause him any problems in adulthood - he is seriously mistaken. The adult life of a former rejected child is a constant flight, attempts to hide, disappear, become invisible. It is understandable that such a bang will not be successful in business or happy in his personal life.
Knowing that he will respond to rejection with panic and powerlessness, such a person will do everything in advance to avoid contact with people who can reject him. It would seem that this is terrible? There are many people in the world and you can always find your circle of friends. However, in reality everything is much worse: with each person whom the outcast manages to avoid, his own importance, his importance in the society where he works or lives, decreases in his own eyes. Further, the situation is aggravated: the outcast is gradually convincing himself that he is much worse than all other people, which means he has no right to live like that, so they are: he has no right to success, to love, to the care of loved ones. So really high-class specialists in one area or another drive themselves into the shadows, believing that they are not capable of anything. Moreover, the depth of the injury can be judged by how often such a person is rejected by others, because, expecting to become an outcast, he draws to himself those situations in which exactly this happens.
