Rejected injury - fugitive mask - schizoid type. Typology of characters according to Liz Burbo and bio-energy analysis of Alexander Lowen

Rejected Injury

FAVORITE BODYBODY (Injury of the rejected)

Let's look at the dictionaries of what the words “reject”, “rejected” mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: to push away; dismiss, refuse; do not tolerate; to not allow; set up.

Often, people can hardly grasp the difference between two concepts - “reject” and “leave”. To leave someone means to withdraw from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject is to push away, not to want to see next to you and in your life. Reject uses the expression: "I do not want"and the one who leaves says: "I can not".

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected person feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five injuries, the feeling of the rejected is manifested first, and this means that the cause of such an injury in the life of an individual arises earlier than others. The soul that returned to Earth in order to cure this trauma is rejected from the very moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.

A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born "by chance". If the soul of this baby did not cope with the experience of the rejected, that is, it could not remain by itself and remain in prosperity, despite its rejection, then it will inevitably experience the state of the rejected. A bright case - a child the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects his child; here it is very important for us to understand that only those souls who need to survive the experience of the rejected are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.

It often happens that the parent does not intend to reject the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even a minor, occasion after an insulting remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound is not healed, it is very easy to separate. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his injury, and the feeling that he is rejected is only exacerbated, although it may not be true.

From that day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask Fugitives. I had to observe and treat many times germinal regression, and I was convinced that the person with the trauma of the rejected still in the womb feels very small, tries to occupy as little space as possible, and he always has a feeling of darkness, darkness. This confirmed my hunch that the mask fugitive may begin to form before birth.

I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term “fugitive” to refer to a person suffering from the complex of the rejected. Mask fugitive - this is another, new personality, character, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.

This mask appears physically as elusive physique, that is, the body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, concise, it is as if specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, occupy less space, and not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the image running away, slipping away and his whole life seeks to occupy as little space as possible. When you see a person who looks like an ethereal ghost - “skin and bones” - you can expect with a high degree of certainty that he suffers from the deep trauma of the rejected being.

Fugitive - this is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she was not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an incomplete, incomplete, consisting of fragments that are not well fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, can differ markedly from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?

When I talk about the "incomplete" body, I mean those parts of the body where, as it were, there are not enough whole pieces (buttocks, breasts, chin, ankles much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. )

Having seen how such a person holds (shoulders are moved forward, hands are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body twisted. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body are different from others in age; and some people generally look like adults in a child’s body.

A deformed body, causing pity, eloquently suggests that this person carries within himself the trauma of the rejected. Before being born, his soul herself chose this body to put herself in a situation conducive to overcoming this trauma.

Characteristic feature fugitive are small face and eyes. Eyes seem empty or absent, because a person with such an injury is inclined to leave for his world or “fly to the moon” (to the astral plane) whenever possible. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching face fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on it, especially before your eyes. He himself often thinks that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives They admitted to me that sometimes the feeling of a mask on their faces does not go away all day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around.

Not to be present, so as not to suffer.

The presence of all these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected is very deep, much deeper than that of a person with a single sign - for example, only with eyes fugitive. If the body is inherent, say, half the signs fugitive, it can be assumed that this person wears a protective mask not all the time, but about half. This may apply, for example, to a person with a sufficiently large body, but a small face and small eyes. fugitive or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all signs of the rejected are observed, then the injury is not so deep either.

Wearing a mask is not to be yourself. As a child, we develop not mine demeanor, believing that she will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, slip away, disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a mask fugitiveusually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not create problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even consider that his parents are not real, that they confused the newborns in the hospital. Such children devise many ways to escape from home; one of them is a pronounced desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, "to the moon." One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.

On the other hand, the child of such a warehouse wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I recall one girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents met guests on the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that there was no child, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she heard well how the anxiety of adults was growing. She said to herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist. ”. This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she was comfortable with situations that could confirm this right.

Since the body size of such a child is smaller than average and it often resembles a doll or some fragile and defenseless creature, the mother takes care of him too much; and he gets used to the fact that everyone constantly says: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in it so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, “being loved” means something asphyxiating to him. Subsequently, when someone falls in love with him,

his first impulse will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest in him. An overly ward child feels rejected, feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, loved ones try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.

Fugitive prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems that he really looks at everything material from top to bottom. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything that is connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she did not like to go to the shops. She does this only to feel alive. Fugitive admits that money is necessary, but they do not bring him joy.

Detachment fugitive from material things becomes the cause of difficulties in his sex life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many fugitives-Women told me that they considered sex a non-spiritual phenomenon, especially after they became mothers. Some even managed to set up their spouse so that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire period of pregnancy.

Fugitives it can be very difficult to understand that they can and have the right to have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate to situations in which they are rejected sexually - or they themselves refuse a sexual life.

The trauma of rejection is experienced with a parent of his gender.

If you recognize yourself in the description of a person who feels rejected, it means that you have experienced the same feeling with respect to the parent of the same gender. It is this parent who first picks up an existing wound. And then rejection and dislike of this parent, even hate, become quite normal and human.

The role of the parent of the same sex with us is to teach us to love - to love ourselves and give love. The parent of the opposite sex must be taught to allow yourself to love and accept love .

Without accepting the parent, we just as naturally decide not to use it as a model. If you see that this is also your injury, then know that it is this rejection that explains your difficulties: being the same sex with an unloved parent, you cannot accept yourself and love yourself.

Fugitive He does not believe in his value; he himself does not put himself in anything. And for this reason, uses all means to become perfect and gain value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The word “NOBODY” is a favorite in his dictionary, and with the same success he applies it both to himself and to others:

"My boss said that I was nobody, I had to leave.".

"AT economic matters my mother is nobody ”.

“My father is just nobody in a relationship with my mom. So did my spouse; I do not blame him for leaving me. ”.

In Quebec, they prefer the word "NOTHING":

“I know that I'm nothing, others are more interesting than me”.

“No matter what I do, it doesn’t give anything, anyway I have to start all over again”.

“I’m nothing, nothing ... do as you want”.

One man- fugitive admitted at a seminar that he feels like a jerk and a slacker in front of his father. “When he speaks to me, I am crushed. If able to think, then only about how to slip away from him; where all my arguments and composure go. His presence alone depresses me. ”. Woman- fugitive told me how at the age of sixteen she decided that from now on mother for her nothing - after the mother said that it would be better if she did not have such a daughter, it would be better if she disappeared, even if she died. Avoiding suffering, the daughter has since completely withdrawn from her mother.

It is interesting to note that the flight of a child who feels rejected is mainly encouraged by the parent of the same sex. Most often in stories about children leaving home I have to hear the phrase of the parent: “Are you leaving? Very good, it’ll become freer here. ”. The child, of course, feels his rejection even more painfully and is even more angry with the parent. This kind of situation easily arises with a parent who himself suffers from the same trauma. He encourages care, because he knows this remedy well, even if he is not aware of it.

Noticeable place in the dictionary fugitive also occupy the words "does not exist", "nonexistent." For example, to the questions: “How is it with sex?” or “What is your relationship with such a person?” he answers: “They do not exist”while most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.

Fugitive also likes words fade away. He can say: “My father treats my mother like a prostitute ... I would like to disappear” or “If only my parents would be gone!”

Fugitive he seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people he is stewed. He believes that he must endure to the end the most unpleasant situations, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he does not see options for salvation. Here is an example: a girl asks her mom to help deal with the lessons and hears in response: “Go to dad. Can't you see that I'm busy, and he has nothing to do? ” The first reaction of the rejected child will be the thought: “Well, again, I was not courteous, and so my mother refused to help me”and then the girl will go look for a quiet corner where she can hide from everyone.

At fugitive usually very few friends at school, and subsequently at work. He is considered closed and left alone. The more he isolates himself, the more invisible he seems. He falls into a vicious circle: feeling rejected, he puts on a mask fugitiveso as not to suffer; he is so shy that others cease to notice him; he becomes more and more lonely, which gives him even more reason to feel rejected.

And now I will describe to you a situation that was repeated many times at the very end of my seminars, at the moment when everyone tells how the seminar helped him. I find with great surprise the presence of a person whom I have not noticed during the two-day workshop! I ask myself: “But where was she hiding all this time?” Then I see that she has a body fugitivethat she arranged herself so as not to speak or ask questions during the whole seminar, and that she sat all the time behind the others, trying not to be in sight. When I tell such participants that they are too shy, they reply almost invariably that they have nothing to say interesting, therefore they did not say.

Really, fugitive usually speaks little. Sometimes he can speak, and he speaks a lot - he is trying to assert his significance; in this case, others see pride in his statements.

At fugitive The SKIN PROBLEM often develops so that it is not touched. Skin is a contact organ, its appearance can attract or repel another person. Skin disease is an unconscious way to protect yourself from touch, especially in those places that are associated with the problem. I have heard from fugitives: “When they touch me, I have the impression of being pulled out of my cocoon”. The wound of the rejected achs and makes him finally believe that if he leaves for his world, he will not suffer any more, since he himself will not reject himself, and others will not be able to reject him. Therefore, he often shies away from participating in group work, stewing. He is hiding in his cocoon.

Therefore fugitive easily and willingly goes on astral travels: unfortunately, these travels are more often made unconsciously. He may even think that this is a common occurrence and that others are there as often as he is. In thoughts and ideas fugitive constantly scattered; sometimes you can hear from him: “I need to assemble myself” - it seems to him that it consists of separate pieces. This impression is especially characteristic of those whose body resembles a structure of disparate parts. More than once I heard from fugitives: “I feel as if cut off from other people. It's like I'm not here. ”. Some told me that sometimes they distinctly feel how their body is divided in half - as if an invisible thread cuts it at the waist. In a friend of mine, this thread shared her body at chest level. As a result of applying the detachment technique that I teach at one of my seminars, she felt that the upper and lower parts of her body were connected, and was very surprised by the new sensation. This helped her to understand that she had not really been in her body since childhood. She never knew what it means to be attached to the earth.

At the workshops I notice fugitives, mainly women who like to sit on a chair with their legs crossed underneath; it seems that they would be more comfortable sitting on the ground. But, since they almost do not touch the earth, it is not difficult for them sneak out. But they pay money to attend our classes, and this fact confirms their intention - or at least the desire of some of them - to be herealthough it’s very difficult for them to concentrate, “assemble themselves”. Therefore, I tell them that they have a choice - to go to the astral plane and skip what is happening here, or to remain attached to their place and be present in the present.

As I said above, fugitive does not feel acceptance or goodwill on the part of the parent of the same gender. This does not necessarily mean that the parent rejects it. It is his, fugitive, personal feeling. The same soul could come to Earth in order to get rid of the trauma of humiliation, and incarnate with these same parents with exactly the same attitude towards their child. On the other hand, it goes without saying that fugitive tends to experience the experience of the rejected more than any other person - say, brother or sister - who does not have this trauma.

A person experiencing the suffering of the rejected is constantly seeking the love of a parent of the same gender; he can also transfer his search to other persons of the same gender. He will consider himself a creature incomplete until he won the love of the parent. He is very sensitive to the slightest remark from this parent and is always ready to decide that he rejects him. It gradually develops bitterness and bitterness, often turning into hatred - so great is his suffering. Do not forget that hate requires a lot of love. Hatred is a strong but frustrated love. The wound of the rejected is so deep that of all five characters fugitive most prone to hatred. He easily passes the stage of great love in order to surrender to great hatred. This is an indicator of the strongest inner suffering.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, then fugitive he himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him. Because of his injury, he cannot be himself. He resorts to various tricks and precautions so as not to reject this parent - he does not want to be accused of having rejected anyone himself. On the other hand, he wants the parent of the same sex to curry favor with him - this allows him to not so sharply feel his rejection. He does not want to see that his suffering of the rejected is caused by an internal outlasted trauma, and the parent has nothing to do with it. If fugitive experiencing the experience of the opposite sex rejected by the parent (or another person), then blames himself for this and rejects himself.

If you see the trauma of the rejected in yourself, then for you, even if your parent really rejects you, it is very important to understand and accept the following thought: "It is because your trauma is not cured that you attract a certain type of situation and a certain parent." As long as you consider that all your misfortunes are caused by the fault of other people, your injury cannot be cured. As a result of your reaction to your own parents, you will very easily have a feeling of rejected by your people of your gender, and you will always be afraid to reject a person of the opposite sex yourself.

The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the more he draws to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected or rejects .

More than fugitive rejects himself, the stronger his fear of rejection. He constantly humiliates and underestimates himself. He often compares himself with those who are stronger in something than him, and thus develops a belief in his own second-rate. He does not notice that in some areas he can surpass other people. He will not believe that someone would like to make friends with him, that someone sees his spouse in him, that they can truly love him. One mother told me about her children: they tell her that they love her, but she does not understand for what they love her!

Everything turns out so that fugitive constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, provokes the situation; if he is not elected, then he feels rejected by others. One young man from a large family told me that his father never entrusted him with anything, from which the child made a definitive conclusion that all other children are better than him. And it is not surprising that now father always chooses one of them. A vicious circle has formed.

Fugitive often says (or thinks) that all his affairs and thoughts are worthless. When they pay attention to him, he is lost, he begins to think that he takes up too much space. If he takes up a lot of space, it seems to him that he is interfering with someone, which means that he will be rejected by those whom he will bother. Even in the womb fugitive does not take up extra space. He is doomed to stew until his injury is healed.

When he speaks and someone interrupts him, he instantly perceives this as proof that he is not worth listening to, and habitually falls silent. A man who is not burdened by the trauma of the rejected one, in this case, also concludes that his statement was uninteresting - but not he! Fugitive it is equally difficult to express one’s opinion when they don’t ask him: it seems to him that the interlocutors will see a confrontation in it and reject it.

If he has a question or a request to someone, but this person is busy, then he will not say anything. He knows what he wants, but he does not dare to ask for it, considering that it is not so important as to bother others.

Many women say that even in adolescence they no longer trusted their mother for fear of not being understood. They believe that to be understood is to be loved. Meanwhile, one has nothing to do with the other. To love is to accept another, even if you do not understand him. Because of this belief, they become evasive in conversation. And it turns out that they are always trying to get away from the subject of discussion, but they are afraid to proceed with another. Of course, they behave not only with their mother, but also with other women. If fugitive - a man, his relations with his father and other men are exactly the same.

Another distinguishing feature fugitive is the desire for excellence in everything that he does: he believes that if he makes a mistake, he will be condemned, and to be condemned for him is the same as to be rejected. Since he does not believe in his own perfection, he is trying to compensate for this with the perfection of what he does. Unfortunately, he confuses "to be" and "to do." The search for excellence can go as far as obsession with him. He so longs for everything do it is impeccable that any work takes him unreasonably much time. And ultimately it is because of this that they reject him.

Reaching its limit, fear is fugitive goes into panic. At the mere thought of the possibility of panic, he first of all searches for where to hide, escape, disappear. He would prefer to disappear, because he knows: in a state of panic, he will not budge at all. He believes that by hiding somewhere, he will escape trouble. He is so convinced of his inability to cope with the panic that in the end it is very easy to succumb to it, even when there is no reason for it. Desire to hide, disappear deeply peculiar fugitives; I have often seen cases of regression to an embryonic state. Such people said that they wanted to hide in their mother’s stomach, another evidence of how early this begins.

Pulling to himself, like a magnet, people and the situations he is afraid of, fugitive likewise provokes circumstances in which he has panic. His fear, of course, dramatizes what is happening even more. He always finds any kind of explanation for his flight or evasion.

Fugitive it panics and stiffens with fear especially easily in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex (especially if they remind this parent of something). He does not feel this fear with a parent and with other people of the opposite sex, it is much easier for him to communicate with them. I also noticed that in the dictionary fugitive the word "panic" is quite common. He can say, for example: “I am in panic at the thought of quitting smoking.”. Usually a person will simply say that it is difficult for him to give up smoking.

Our ego does everything possible so that we do not notice our injuries. Why? Because we ourselves gave him this mandate. Unconsciously. We are so afraid to relive the pain associated with each trauma that we use all means to avoid admitting to ourselves that we are suffering the rejected being because we reject ourselves. And those who reject us have come into our lives in order to show us how much we reject ourselves.

Fear of own panic in many situations leads fugitive to the fact that he loses his memory. He might even think that he has a memory problem, but in fact he has a problem with fear. During course workshops "Become a mass-entertainer" I have repeatedly observed this picture: one of the participants, fugitive, must speak to the rest and say something or hold a mini-conference; but even when he is well prepared and knows his material, fear at the last minute grows to such a level that everything comes out of the head of the speaker. Sometimes he simply leaves his body, and it freezes in front of us, as if paralyzed - neither give nor take a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this problem is gradually being solved as he overcomes his trauma of the rejected.

It is interesting to observe how our injuries affect our attitude to food. A person feeds his physical body in the same way as the mental and emotional. Fugitive prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other strong emotions. Of all the types listed fugitive most prone to anorexia: he almost completely refuses to eat, because he seems to himself too big and well-fed, although in reality the opposite is true. Weight loss below normal, exhaustion is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes appetite wins, and then fugitive eagerly pounces on food - this is also an attempt to disappear, dissolve in food. However, this method fugitives rarely used; more often they are attracted to alcohol or drugs.

Fugitives have a weakness for sweets, especially when they are overcome by intense fear. Since fear takes away energy from a person, it is natural to assume that the introduction of sugar into the body can make up for the loss. Indeed, sugar gives energy, but, unfortunately, not for long, so you have to replenish it in this way too often.

Our injuries prevent us from being ourselves; because of this, blocks appear in the body and, as a result, diseases. Each type of character has its own special ailments and illnesses, determined by its internal mental structure.

Here are some typical fugitive disease and malaise.

He often suffers from DIARRHEA - he rejects, throws away food before the body has time to absorb nutrients, just as he rejects a situation that could be beneficial for him.

Many suffer from arrhythmia - irregular heart rhythm. When the heart begins to beat like mad, they have a feeling that it wants to break out of its chest, fly away; this is another form of desire to avoid a painful situation.

I have said before that the wound of the rejected is so painful that fugitive hatred towards the parent of his gender, which he, as a child, condemned for the suffering inflicted on him, develops quite logically. Forgive yourself, however, for hating your parent fugitive cannot and prefers not to think and not to know about the existence of this hatred. Without giving himself the right to hate a parent of his gender, he can bring himself to cancer with CANCER: this disease is associated with bitterness, anger, hatred - with mental pain experienced in loneliness.

If a person manages to come to the recognition that he hated or hates a parent, then there will be no cancer. He may develop an acute illness if he continues to harbor plans that are hostile to this parent, but it will not be cancer. Cancer manifests itself most often in someone who has suffered a lot, but blames it only himself. To accept that you hate father or mother is really difficult, because it means recognizing oneself as evil and heartless; it also means accepting that you reject the parent whom you yourself have blamed for rejecting you.

Fugitive does not give himself the right to be a child. He forces ripening, believing that it will suffer less from his injury. For this reason, his body (or some part of it) also resembles the body of a child. Cancer indicates that he did not give the child the right to suffer in himself. He did not accept that it is humanly fair to hate a parent whom you consider to be the culprit of his sufferings.

Among other diseases characteristic of fugitive, we also see impaired RESPIRATORY FUNCTIONS, especially during a panic.

Fugitive subject to ALLERGIES - this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He can choose VOMIT as an indicator of his aversion to a particular person or to a situation. I heard even such statements from adolescents: “I want to vomit my mother (or father).” Fugitive often wants to "vomit" a situation or a hated person and can express his feeling in words: "This is a sickening man." or "I am sick of your conversations". All of these are ways to express your desire to reject someone or something.

SWEEPING or FUNNING are also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases fugitive is saved by COMO.

FugitiveAgorophobia sufferer uses this disorder when he wants to avoid some situations and people who can cause him to panic (more on this behavioral disorder will be discussed in chapter 3).

If fugitive abuse sugar, it can provoke diseases of the pancreas, such as HYPOGLYCEMIA or DIABETES.

If he has accumulated too much hatred for the parent as a result of the suffering experienced and experienced by him as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop a DEPRESSIVE or MANIAKAL-DEPRESSIVE state. If he plans to commit suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides for everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they go to action are more likely to be abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

Fugitive since childhood it is difficult to recognize oneself as a full-fledged human being, therefore he seeks to be like the hero or heroine adored by him, he is ready to get lost, dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl longs to be Marilyn Monroe; it lasts until she decides to be someone else. The danger of such a deviation in behavior lies in the fact that over time it can turn into PSYCHOS.

The diseases and ailments listed above are also possible in people with other types of injuries, but nevertheless they are most often found in those who feel rejected.

If you find yourself injured by the rejected, then it is more than likely that your parent of the same sex also feels rejected by his parent of the same gender; moreover, it is very likely that he feels rejected by you too. This may not be recognized by any of the parties, nevertheless, this is true and confirmed by thousands of people - fugitives.

Remember: the main reason for the existence of any injury is the inability to forgive yourself for the wound inflicted on yourself or other people. It’s very difficult to forgive ourselves, because, as a rule, we don’t even know that we condemn ourselves. The deeper your wound is rejected, the more accurately it indicates that you reject yourself - or reject other people, situations and projects.

We reproach others for not wanting to see ourselves .

That is why we attract people who show us how we behave with others or with ourselves.

Another means of realizing that we are rejecting ourselves or rejecting another person is shame. Indeed, we experience a sense of shame when we want to hide or hide our behavior. It is normal to find shameful behavior in which we reproach others. We really do not want them to find that we behave in exactly the same way.

Remember: everything described above is experienced only if the suffering rejected person decides to wear a fugitive mask, believing that in this way he will avoid suffering proportional to the depth of the injury. He wears this mask in some cases for several minutes a week, in others - almost constantly .

Characteristic behavior fugitive, dictated by the fear of a repetition of the suffering of the rejected. But it may be that you recognize yourself in some of the features of behavior described above, but not in all. Full coincidence of all characteristics is almost impossible. Each injury has its own forms of behavior and internal conditions. The way a person thinks, feels, speaks and acts (in accordance with his injuries) determines his reaction to everything that happens in life. A person in a state of reaction cannot be balanced, cannot be concentrated in his heart, cannot experience well-being and happiness. That is why it is so important to be aware when you are reacting and when you remain yourself. If this succeeds, then you have the opportunity to become the master of your life, and not let fears control it.

In this chapter, I set out to help you realize the trauma of the rejected. If you recognize yourself in a mask fugitive, then in the last chapter you will find complete information on how to recover from this trauma, how to become yourself again and not suffer from the feeling that everyone rejects you. If you do not find this injury in yourself, then I advise you to contact those who know you well for confirmation; this will eliminate the error. As I said, the rejected person’s injury can be shallow, and then you will have only certain characteristic features fugitive. Let me remind you that trust should first of all be a physical description, because the physical body never lies, in contrast to its owner, who is quite capable of deceiving himself.

If you find this injury in someone else, you should not try to change it. Better use everything you learn from this book to develop more compassion for other people in order to better understand the nature of their reactive behavior. And it is better if they themselves read this book if they have an interest in the problem than try to retell its contents to them.

Failure injury characteristics

Awakening injury:from the moment of conception to one year; with a parent of your gender.Does not feel the right to exist.

Mask: fugitive.

Parent:the same gender.

Body: compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes: small, with an expression of fear; the impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dictionary: “Nothing” “nobody” “does not exist” “disappear” “I am sick of ...”.

Character: Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intellectuality. Transitions through the stages of great love for periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist. Sexual difficulties. Considers himself useless to no one, a jerk. Seeks solitude. Stewed. Able to be invisible. Finds a variety of escape methods. Easy to go to the astral plane. He believes that they do not understand him. He cannot let his inner child live in peace.

Most afraid: panic attacks.

Food: Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as ways to escape. Predisposition to anorexia.

Typical diseases: Cutaneous Diarrhea Arrhythmia Respiratory failure Allergies Vomiting Fainting Coma Hypoglycemia Diabetes Depression Suicidal tendencies Psychoses.

From the book Five injuries that prevent you from being yourself author Burbo Liz

CHAPTER 3 Injury of an abandoned BODY COMPOSITION OF A DEPENDANT (Injury of an abandoned) To leave someone also means to leave him, to leave, not to want to deal with him anymore. Many people confuse the concepts of “reject” and “leave”. If one of the spouses, for example, decided to reject the other, he

From the book How to relate to yourself and people [Another edition] the author Kozlov Nikolay Ivanovich

CHAPTER 4 Injury of the humiliated MASOCHIST BODY COMPOSITION (Injury of the humiliated) Let's see what the word "humiliation" means. This is an action, the purpose and / or result of which is a gross insult, a blow to the self-esteem or dignity of another person. The nearest

From the book of Tao of Chaos the author Wolinski Stephen

CHAPTER 5 Trauma of betrayal BODY CONTROLLER (trauma of betrayal) Betray and experience betrayal can be different. According to dictionaries, “betray” means “stop being faithful to someone or something, leave or surrender someone.” Key term

From the book Emotional Intelligence author Goleman Daniel

CHAPTER 6 Trauma to Injustice BODY RIGID (Injury to Injustice) Injustice is the lack or lack of justice in a person or phenomenon. Justice is an assessment, recognition, respect for the rights and dignity of each person. Synonyms

From a book Under the shadow of Saturn author Hollis James

Injury When I was 26 years old, I worked in a pioneer camp as the leader of an aircraft modeling circle. During the shift change, I climbed into the carpentry workshop to make rails on a circular saw. The bar broke and a hand flew across the screeching disk. Further - slowly: I see -

From the troubles of divorce and ways to overcome them. To help parents and parenting counselors. author's Figdor Helmut

From the book Extreme situations the author Malkina-Pykh Irina Germanovna

Chapter 13 MENTAL INJURY AND REPEATED EMOTIONAL LEARNING Som Chit, a Cambodian refugee, refused her three sons a request to buy AK-47 toy machine guns. Her sons of six, ten, and eleven years old needed toy weapons to play the game,

From the book Disappearing people. Shame and appearance the author Kilborn Benjamin

Chapter 3. Necessary trauma: rituals of passage Passing through the Shinandoah Valley, my wife and I heard the sounds of a gun rifle. Then they saw a surreal picture: a battery of guns firing and chains of soldiers in blue and gray uniforms fighting each other. It turned out that

From the book Psychology of Bad Habits the author O’Connor Richard

Chapter 1. The trauma of divorce. Let the pain in our groans pour out: Silent sorrow breaks our hearts. Shakespeare,

From the book First Aid by Winch Guy

CHAPTER 9 SECONDARY TRAUMA Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS) is a change in therapist’s internal experience that results from his empathic involvement with a traumatic client.

From the book Methods of art therapy in overcoming the effects of traumatic stress the author Kopytin Alexander Ivanovich

Chapter 10 Crying eyes, sighted tears. trauma, grief, and oedipal shame Like the physical, the psychic in reality is not necessarily what it seems. However, we will be pleased to know that the correction of internal perception will not be as difficult as

From the book Trauma and the Soul. Spiritual and psychological approach to human development and its interruption Author Calshed Donald

Chapter 8 Trauma and self-destructive behavior In the first chapter, we touched on certain fundamental aspects of the “involuntary I” that do not fit into the permissible world of man or the Freudian unconscious. They relate to learning style, thinking, feelings,

Chapter 1. Injury and saving encounters with numinous Call, the bell still rings, Let the best be sacrificed, But cracked, everything cracked Where the light falls ... Leonard Cohen, Anthem, 1992 From mineralogy we know: to understand the basic crystal structure, we should

From the author’s book

Chapter 4. Trauma, Transformation, and Transcendence Mike’s Case God wants to be born in the flame of human consciousness, rising higher and higher, and what will happen if it is not rooted on the earth, if it is not a stone house, where the fire of God can reside, but miserable straw

At that time, when I passionately and with interest studied the mechanisms of my co-dependence, in parallel I “fought” with the trauma of rejection. It didn’t occur to me then that these were two girlfriends-sisters, who are almost always together. The feeling of rejection caught up with me in the most diverse manifestations of life.

* Rejection, non-recognition, denial, as a result of rejection by the SOCIETY *

I found recognition as the opposite of rejection. When I discovered and recognized my need for recognition, slowly the puzzles in my head began to take shape.

Awareness comes when two poles are realized.

The world consists of opposites that cannot be considered separately from each other. Together, opposites are 100%, if they are presented in the form of a continuum, then each occupies 50%. Stability is in the middle between them and occupies a conditionally 10-15% (individually). Being in this zone we ride on the “small swing” of comfort. If some kind of polarity in manifestation approaches the maximum possible (approaches 100%), we ride on “Big swing” (I love, I hate). The closer one polarity is to the maximum, the more unstable the position, the faster the “big swing” will start moving in the other direction.

Between the extremes-polarities, we find our lasting balance.

Zone of comfort, stability,

balance

50%____________________________5%___ 0 ____5%__________________________50%

In nature, opposite, complementary principles always act (inhale-exhale, dawn-sunset, attraction-repulsion, etc.). Without exhalation there is no inhalation, just as without inhalation there is no exhalation. Similar complementary principles can be found in economics, emotions, relationships, body, nature. Each state finds its beginning in the preceding opposite - we leave one state, replacing it with the opposite.

Together with the folding puzzles in my head, I managed to notice the recognition that I received, but my reception area was so small that I accepted very little, and most of it was perceived as mockery and “indirect” rejection. The approximate scheme is as follows: if in the experience the trauma of rejection is large, for example 90% of 100%, and the ability to accept the recognition of the remaining 10%, then it turns out ... that I take only the possible 10% of the recognition, the rest is accepted with the opposite sign, 90% are saturated (they reject me through “false” recognition !!!)

And here the question arises - how to expand your acceptance acceptance zone to equilibrium with 50% rejection, each polarity equally.

I learned to expand the recognition acceptance zone: I learned to recognize my own recognition needs, learned to understand from whom and in what expression I need recognition, learned to notice when they give it to me, but ... the reception area expanded slowly, and narrowed very quickly, my impossibility was revealed inability to appropriate what they give.

By analogy with food that is not digested without enzymes, you need to find, revive, activate your enzymes, your own assimilation mechanism - appropriation.

There was a polar pair appropriation-rejection ...? In my head, rejection and rejection sounded like synonyms, meaning the same thing.

* Rejection - the inability to assimilate or accept. Thus, the body can reject an organ transplant or food ... In all cases, it is understood that the system or structure refuses or cannot incorporate something. . *

In my understanding: rejection and recognition is what I can get from others, and rejection is a property of my body NOT to assimilate ... it turns out that I was in an injury called rejection-rejection? With hypertrophied need for recognition and inability to appropriate what is needed when given?

Rejection (withdrawal, removal) of the right for me, as opposed to the appropriation (assimilation) of the right for me ... a good dead end, the brain tried with a pattern.

The rejection of what you do not need and the appropriation of what you need for yourself is the understanding of your own balance.

When studying yourself, you understand how much and what kind of recognition you need, from whom ... you can sincerely respond and sincerely appropriate the recognition of others without rejecting (someone) and not rejecting (your part) significance for yourself ...

And you know for sure that you may not be accepted and rejected, but it does not bring pain, because you are already in a comfort zone.

If you accept yourself, you appropriate yourself - acceptance by others is no more important than this (no more than 50%). And rejection certainly does not hurt, it harmonizes and restores stability (so that recognition does not vomit and does not depreciate).

Quite often, I find articles by psychologists about self-worth, self-love, acceptance, etc., which talk about behavioral mechanisms to satisfy these basic needs by the client. And you may get the feeling that following these recommendations, you can get it all and just start doing more for yourself, think better about yourself, take responsibility and everything will change. And the feeling is that you are walking in a circle, and even vice versa, even worse - well, what kind of person am I - helping others - but I don’t, maybe something is really wrong with me and I'm hopeless. In fact, how can one not receive satisfaction of these needs from the outside, from parents, remaining hungry to feed themselves? Suddenly. Changing beliefs. Starting to do something differently.

And the reason here, I think, is not laziness, and not the fear of changing anything and the secondary benefits, but because, in my opinion, these needs can be met in therapeutic relationships. In well-built, long-term, trusting, in which the transfer is formed. Say what you like, and sometimes, short-term therapy does not cure the deep developmental injuries that form in deep childhood, maybe even the preverbal period.

Therefore, the lack of intrinsic value, self-love, acceptance, etc. - these are the consequences of deeper injuries that need to be treated comprehensively, understanding the cause and seeing the system in which they were formed and why these protective mechanisms were needed and what they are needed for now, how they form the current form of existence already in new systems. My vision does not pretend to be complete and all the more so, it’s an attempt to form my own view of the trauma of rejection with all its causes and consequences, this is a view from a client and therapeutic position.

Portrait of the carrier of narcissistic trauma (symptoms may appear depending on the depth of the trauma to one degree or another):

1. A person who is injured by rejection is often prone to dissatisfaction with himself, manifested in selflessness as a formed internal mechanism (external rejection turned into internal), lack of personal value, and rather worthlessness.

2. He has problems with borders (confluence), as a result of which he poorly separates himself from others and feels his needs (lack of an inner sense of self), cannot protect himself. Often he has a feeling that he does not have him (merging with others). All this is due to the preoccupation of the parent, due to the blocking of active and aggressive parts responsible for separation, they have separation fear and shame. The splitting parent did not just create this polarity in the child, but in order to feel fuller and better, therefore, he is unlikely to just let it go ...

3. Surely there may be a dependent relationship. In general, they cannot afford to live (not born primarily as an autonomous, mature personality), appropriating a weak part for themselves and splitting off (giving) a strong parent (assigning only a weak part to themselves is very difficult to survive). Which in itself is almost the only more or less safe form of survival with the parent with whom the symbiosis is formed, joint integrity. The form of existence, in which the pattern of supporting the other at the expense of oneself (one's own value), then manifests itself in other relationships (with a partner), in which an equal position is not possible and manifests itself in passivity, inability to be oneself (with one’s interests, needs) in the presence of another, self-abasement, etc. Trying to separate as a teenager, I sometimes had the feeling that I could just “kill” my mother (destroying our system), she left home threatening suicide. The splitting parent itself is very unstable and he needs a system to survive and he will keep it at all costs.

4. Since his personality is split, due to the rejection of some parts, and is often at risk of decay, he is in constant internal conflict. He projects rejected parts and, as a rule, this is life in one or the other polarity, as on a swing. As a result of this, his life can most likely be called an attempt to survive (picking himself up in pieces) with periods of finding a relative balance of parts due to at least some acceptance from the outside and from the inside. The partner also represents a mirror lacking polarity.

5. Feeling his dependence on the parent, his greatness, his insignificance, he, of course, cannot but be angry with him, but his anger is reliably blocked by the fear of rejection, so there is a constant attempt to compete in the wrong way (education, achievements, etc.), but the parent also competes, and, as a rule, he himself has a lot of fears on the other side of the coin and, as a rule, he prevails (a priori, because the parent) is often pretty annihilating (by destroying messages - don't be smarter than others, etc.) .). The child remains with a stupid feeling of losing competition forever (a losing position in advance, because it is not possible to defeat the parent due to the initial preset of vertical relations and the fact that this is a curve way to get angry at the parent). Sometimes there is a feeling that success can simply kill a parent, but I depend on him.

6. As a rule, because of the above (a crooked way of expressing aggression to the parent and the fears of the parents themselves), these children, in spite of all their successes, do not appropriate them (after all, the only form of existence is to be in the “under” position), thereby threaten these relationships, and they are important to them because there are unmet needs that the parent can () meet, so in this case earlier unmet needs rule.

7. As a rule, the rejecting parent has little ability to be in contact with the child, notice him, therefore, a deficit is formed in the need for intimacy, reliable attachment and need of the child (the neurotic part) is often the only form of relationship establishment (which I have already mentioned) in which he is forced always stick out a weak, needy part in an attempt to get intimacy, reliable attachment. But the trick is that in this form of relations, raising others, and lowering oneself accordingly, it is not possible to be with another - the fear of closeness wins in a conflict of needs (as a result of the fear of rejection).

8. There is a lot of shame in him. Due to the fact that he was constantly told that he was not like that (splitting off some parts), he developed a feeling of his own defectiveness and shame for himself as he is. In truth, he feels his inferiority (not fullness, not integrity) and is sometimes very cruel to himself, getting used to experiencing toxic feelings of guilt and shame, and then there is his own blame for every blame (this has its own balance).

9. Of course, they get used every time to turn their heads and sacrifice themselves in order to survive. They get used to split themselves and be in it constantly and can no longer without it. And it permeates their whole life, their every choice. They can be in a similar homeostasis for a long time and it is very difficult and sometimes possible to decide on changes because it is not so easy for them to exist and the motivation for them lies in the beginning only to make life easier somehow. And the changes are very slow and very gradual, because there is a lot of fear, a lot of shame. It really was very difficult for them to survive psychologically.

In general, the mechanism of injury formation may be as follows - external rejection becomes internal. First of all, those pieces that are not accepted by the parent in themselves (detached parts) or those that put the psychological existence of the parent at risk are rejected. Moreover, passivity and activity at the same time can be rejected - passivity as a part not accepted in itself, and its opposite - activity from the side poses a threat to addictive relationships, parental self-esteem, and can also be rejected. And then the client does not understand what to rely on. It may be activity, but independent, having my own opinion, I may not be needed and they will destroy me, on the other hand, they will blame me for passivity. Polarization is first created, and then it beats purposefully with annihilating messages and shame. All this is held together in a dependent relationship, from which it is very difficult to get out, gradually changing the system.

At the very core of this fear of rejection lies the feeling that if they reject me, I won’t survive, not physically, psychologically (the person will break up, fear of extinction, absorption) - just imagine - if it’s already difficult for me, I’m ashamed of myself and I don’t feel there are supports in myself, in general myself (I am merged with the parent, I am part of it) - I am afraid of intimacy because I was repelled, etc. - Each time after such attacks, I experience a psychological death and pain of such strength that I can only survive after years pretty well.

Many other fears are the fear of making a mistake, abandonment, imperfection, absorption, soperation, etc. - This is a consequence of this deep fear of rejection and annihilation.

The rejecting parent himself is deficient, not integral, not stable, etc. and little can give the child, but rather the opposite, therefore, he is not a nursing, but an absorbing parent who creates a system of dependent relationships with the child, which works, as a rule, in one direction.

Basic needs and unfinished development tasks, without which the client will not move on, are, first of all, safety, a sense of being separate and autonomous, of one’s borders, the ability to be in the presence of another along with one’s needs, otherness, reliable attachment, intimacy, acceptance, etc. .

And work here can be carried out in the following directions (Gestalt approach):

This work is most likely “under the transfer” and this is the formation of those relations with the mother that never existed and in these relations the satisfaction of previously blocked needs;
Building security (teaching the client to notice the schizoid part and taking care of their safety), creating appropriate conditions (by their interventions, pace), is a therapy for slow changes and it can take a lot of time to build security and trust in relationships;
This work is, in the beginning, more with phenomenology, and not at the border of contact, because it is very difficult for the client to go to this border (shame);
Work with confluence (notice your body, feelings, needs), distinguish a figure from the background, separate yourself (the formation of the feeling of being separate), work with id,
Work with borders (as a rule, they are either rigid or not);
Assignment of aggression as a way to protect borders (moving towards autonomy);
Work with projection (assignment of split pieces - we move to integrity);
Detection of introjections (who said it was bad to be active) and chewing and spitting out unnecessary pieces;
Work with other methods of interrupting contact (retroflexion, difflexion, egotism, proflection, etc.);
And many, many acceptance (this is generally acceptance therapy) instead of rejection;
Gradual approach to the fact that you can be and can be in contact and can be close and close, this can be stable and safe, attachment is formed, thus, the formation of a new experience of relationships;
Work with Personality (appropriation of new experience and, as a result, new ideas about yourself);
Formation of a new experience of activity with support and with an already formed safety experience;
Frustration of old ways, patterns, contact interruption mechanisms;
Work with secondary benefits, the return of responsibility, the formation of maturity relying on the adult part.

In addition, the therapist needs to be able to withstand autonomy that the parent did not. Contain the feelings and give them to the client in a digested form. To withstand those feelings that the parent could not stand. Return value and much more, and this is when the client is ready for this.

Here is a general outline of my understanding of the problem. In conclusion, I would like to say once again that if a mechanism, say, of self-depreciation exists, it means that the client needs it for some reason and is part of his personality and once helped him survive, so you need to solve the problem comprehensively using the idea of \u200b\u200ba person as a holistic one (something that they once tried to deprive him of) and here it is unlikely that pumping the value of the client as a counterweight (or trying to pull out the problem with frustration of the symptom) will hardly help.

In this case (I mean the trauma of rejection), the cure happens very slowly and gradually, comprehensively, as ecologically as possible (such clients stay in the balance of relationships for a very long time), they did not have a safe relationship and only learn to trust. And it is impossible to replace anything without growing up other mechanisms, again maintaining the integrity and safety of the person, and this again is not a quick path and only the therapist who is confident enough to withstand nano-results for a long time can go it a very long time building relationships (depreciation, customer care).

In addition, you can notice these nano-results only by moving very slowly and carefully peering at the client, while maintaining the sensitivity and care that will subsequently become its internal mechanism, along with value and other important things. This is a transformation, and it does not occur “according to the books,” but only in a living relationship, just as a person’s psyche is formed long before he learned to read.

Therefore, it’s not possible to “learn” in training and following the advice of pseudo-psychologists (who themselves sometimes reject, becoming undergoing a consequence of their lack of development), feeling the sense of their own worth, self-love, which is the crown of themselves, development, risking falling into the same relationship that the client has already repeatedly passed in relations with his environment. This is a byproduct of that depth and delicate work, which is, in fact, a new assembly of oneself.

Tatyana Kulinich

Observe small children or remember yourself in early childhood. Have you been tormented by complexes, have you ever thought that you somehow look wrong? Was there anything else needed for happiness besides the bright sun and my mother’s smile? Children do not know what problems with self-esteem or excruciating self-hatred are. We all come to this world in love with ourselves, our loved ones, and the universe. But due to psychological trauma, people can lose this condition. Therefore, in order to find true self-love, as in childhood, you need to heal these wounds. Is it worth saying that self-love is the first and indispensable condition for a happy life in harmony with oneself and others. Without self-love it is impossible to be happy in love, marriage, relationships. Be happy at all. Without working with the cause of the problem, the trauma itself, neither training nor meditation will help. What are these injuries?

Types of psychological trauma and methods of healing.

Modern psychologist Liz Burbo identifies 5 major injuries. Each of them has its own cause and consequences for a person. Bourbo even describes the type of physique that is characteristic of people with a particular injury. She also gives advice on how to cure these deep spiritual wounds, to return self-love and high self-esteem.

Rejected Injury

Rejected children are those who were born after a difficult unplanned pregnancy, children of the wrong sex that their parents planned. This trauma also occurs due to too high expectations of parents about the abilities of the unborn child. For example, it often happens that in a family of hereditary doctors a child is born with musical abilities. At first they try to change him with all their might, and then they reject him because he is not the one they need. The trauma of the rejected is most often experienced due to the relationship of the parent of his gender. After all, girls see in their mothers a role model, just like boys - a mentor in their father. When these people reject them, they feel they have no right to exist.

A rejected person from early childhood feels that this world does not need him. He is passive, closed, trying to occupy as little space as possible, communicate as little as possible. He avoids classmates at school, then work colleagues. Everywhere trying to be invisible. Such a person can often change his place of residence, work, social circle, but everywhere he feels at ease. The body of the rejected person seems to be composed of separate, unconnected parts. A sharp asymmetry can be seen in their faces. They are stacked very disproportionately. They often have excessive thinness, lethargy of muscles and fragility of bones. They often have skin problems, as if saying “Don't touch me!”

You can heal the rejected person’s trauma through the realization that if your parents did not need you, this does not mean that the whole world does not need you. Seek your place in life, your calling is the key to healing. Surround yourself with people who respect and value you, and learn to gratefully accept these feelings. Realize that you can be loved simply because you are. You do not need to play the role of someone else to win the lost right to life.

Abandoned Injury

Unlike the rejected child, the abandoned knows what parents need, remembers what it means to be loved. But getting it too rarely or abruptly stopped receiving it at some point. The trauma of the abandoned is formed when the parents spend too little time with the child, are constantly busy at work, give the baby to their grandmother (even on vacation), etc. This trauma most often occurs with a parent of the opposite sex, because the emotions received in communicating with him are more vivid. The trauma of an abandoned person can also arise from the fact that a child under two years old lacked physical nutrition for any reason. Or, even if his parents paid him a lot of attention, it turned out to be not the same as he craved. For example, excessive control, dictation of each step, etc., instead of emotional warmth.

A person with an abandoned injury experiences constant emotional hunger for love and affection. He is ready for anything to get even a small portion of heat. For this, such a person is accustomed to adapt to others. They will be able to play any role to be loved. Such people are prone to addictions, especially love. In a partner, they are desperate to find a parent who has left them. In them lives a huge fear of parting. Separations and breaks for them are like a disaster. Such a person can feel valuable only while in a relationship.

The dependent person has problems with posture: he is constantly stooping, he has very weak shoulders and spine, and his stomach seems to bulge. Such people quickly get tired, they have low immunity, because of which they often suffer from colds. Their feature is a weak tone. And it is felt in everything. By the way, they often suffer from bulimia - they try to eat their emotional hunger with food.

The key to healing this trauma is gaining independence. A person with this trauma should cease to see the only meaning of life in the parent’s partner. Pay more attention to other areas of your life (friends, hobbies, work). It is especially important to learn to maintain close relationships with several people at the same time, without slipping into dependence on one person. Learn to feel full, even when you are alone. Love it, spend more time alone with yourself.

It is also important to get rid of this injury to stop being angry at the parent (usually the opposite sex) who caused the injury. Work through this problem. More often than not, this parent also experienced a similar thing in his childhood with a parent of the opposite sex. Forgive him.

Injury to the humiliated

This trauma develops in people who, for one reason or another, were ashamed of their own parents: because of their appearance, insufficient abilities, etc. This trauma is associated with psychological or even physical regular humiliation. Making fun of their baby, saying phrases like “you ruined everything again”, “you can’t expect anything else from you”, the parents seriously injure the soul of their baby. A child who has received such an injury from his own parents is often harassed at school, which only exacerbates the situation. The humiliated person begins to subconsciously enjoy this and becomes a masochist. He begins to attract people who like to mock them. Constantly gets into ridiculous situations where he is ridiculed.

A person with a humiliated injury is helpful almost indecently. Often takes on extra work, prone to blind self-sacrifice. He steadfastly bears all the insults against him. She doesn’t know how to say “no,” because she is terribly afraid of offending someone.

Outwardly, such people look quite strong, but this is a misleading impression. They often suffer from overweight problems. Their skin is flabby, an unpleasant grayish tint. Their upper body is usually larger than the lower, because of this their bodies look disproportionately. Facial features are small, neat, largely childish.

You can heal the humiliated injury through work with your own repressed anger. The masochist so suppresses his aggression that he learns to enjoy its manifestations in his own direction. Stop being afraid or ashamed of your own anger. This is the source of your strength, an emotion that protects you from attacks on your freedom. Practice various exercises to unlock anger. This could be a pillow smash that many psychologists advise. A great method is to go out into the field where no one sees or hears you, and shout in plenty. With the ability to experience anger, both self-love and self-esteem will return to you.

Trauma of betrayal

The child receives this injury in a relationship with a parent of the opposite sex, who used it for his own purposes. It is known that many mothers, especially single or those who do not have a relationship with her husband, are overly attached to their own sons. They can pamper them, but at the same time strictly prohibit communication with peers, jealous of the son’s first loves. Similarly, fathers, without knowing it, can use their own daughters. For a small child, a parent of the opposite sex is an unshakable ideal and authority. And an adult, feeling insecurity in himself, can tie the child to himself in order to constantly receive his attention and admiration.

Having once realized that it was used for their own purposes, the child becomes closed, ceases to trust people. He seeks to control everything around him, especially his feelings for other people. Moreover, he has a need to constantly conquer people of the opposite sex in order to raise his self-esteem. Some time after the start of the relationship, he abandons his victims. Thus, he tries to take revenge on the one where he hurt him, his mother. Women can also behave, luring men, and then losing interest in them.

People with a trauma of betrayal behave very confidently in society, even defiantly. However, their injury can be recognized by the constant tension in their body, especially in the area of \u200b\u200bthe back and arms. Often they have a running gaze, they are very attentive to details, immediately notice what is hidden from other eyes. Women cannot afford to leave home without makeup. Men care too much about their image, constantly buy expensive accessories.

You can heal this trauma only by recognizing and living your pain. Do not deny your own injury, do not logically explain it or justify the parent. Let yourself get mad at him. Stop being ashamed of your own weakness. Pay off all the tears that have been hiding for so long. Start building a relationship of trust with others based on true intimacy. Do not use loved ones for your own purposes, unlearn how to see in them only toys to increase your self-esteem. Accept your own imperfection. Stop striving for an unattainable ideal, love yourself the way you are. After all, you know that shame hides under the guise of your self-confidence.

Injustice Injury

A person receives this injury in childhood from a parent of his gender. Injustice is constant reproach in pursuit of an unattainable ideal. The child feels that no matter what he does, he will never become good enough for his parent, but desperately strives for it. He unfairly assesses the personality of the child, downplaying his dignity, and focusing on shortcomings. From childhood, such people are encouraged to think: they have no rights, only duties.

Externally, such a person often has a proportional body, a direct rigid body, lack of excess weight. He strives for excellence in everything, so he carefully monitors his appearance. Often wears black clothes, or things of dark colors.

In order to protect himself from the huge pain caused by trauma, such a person tries to cut himself off from any feelings. His body becomes a rigid frame that protects against any emotions. Often such people do their best to bring their body to perfection. This is done through various diets or sports to exhaustion. In general, the idea of \u200b\u200bexcellence is very important to them. They believe, only having achieved the ideal, they can earn the right to love and pleasure.

A person with an injustice injury in every possible way avoids any negative emotions. It is hard for him to admit that he has any problems, illnesses, adversities. He will delay the visit to the doctor until the last, if only not to admit that he is sick. Outwardly, it may seem cheerful and easy, but his joy is insincere.

In order to heal this trauma, you must recognize your own imperfection, allow yourself to be weak, vulnerable, dependent. Do not condone your parents for their cruel attitude "for your good." They could teach you discipline and ambitiousness, but they took away the main thing: spontaneity and self-acceptance by anyone. And turn on the feelings. Please yourself more often. Do not be afraid to feel.

Tatyana Kulinich for https: // site

Rejected Injury

Until relatively recently, a person who was already quite old could not understand why it is so difficult for him to give in life everything that others easily achieve? How is it that one has to make almost inhuman efforts, and, figuratively speaking, stagnate, and for another, each step becomes not just a step, but a real take-off? And only with the increasing popularity among ordinary people of the science of psychology did it become known that there are certain human injurythat predetermine his life not just from birth, but long before him. Such is the trauma of the rejected.

What is the concept of outcast?
Turning to the dictionary, one can immediately find several definitions of what “rejected” or “rejected” people mean. Immediately I would like to draw attention to the fact that this concept is fundamentally different from the concept of abandoned, because its meaning is not that the person, until recently needed and needed by many, was suddenly alone, but that they did not accept him from the very beginning.

The most striking example is when a person is rejected even before he is born - the birth of an unwanted child. And not only that which is essentially not needed either by the woman herself or the family as a whole, but even just a child of the wrong sex. Few of the future parents attach importance to their words when they tell everyone around that they will have a boy (girl), because it cannot be otherwise! And let others perceive this as a good joke, and even “sympathize jokingly” when expectations are not fulfilled - nothing can be corrected: the baby, having not yet had time to be born, has already received all those difficulties that entail the trauma of the rejected.

However, even if such a development of events was avoided, and mom and dad got the desired son or daughter, this is not a guarantee that this problem will not affect the child later. We draw your attention to the fact that it is not necessary to be bad parents (in the accepted sense of the word in modern society) in order to reject their children. Human injury therefore dangerous because they are applied to him subconsciously, i.e. it is very difficult to somehow influence and avoid such a development of events. And everything happens is trite: parents who are always busy “redirect” the child to each other, explaining that there are more important things to do. It may be that, having grown older, a person is able to evaluate such situations objectively, however, in childhood, with each such “redirect”, his understanding grows that his parents do not need him, that he does not have a right to exist.

What happens to the outcast's life?
In a nutshell - nothing good. Moreover, while the child is small, and the sad outcome of the events could be prevented, no one pays attention to the manifestation of the signs of the rejected: all attempts by the child to feel his importance, to prove to himself that he exists, are perceived by parents as whims and in most cases are severely suppressed. What could it be? Most often, the rejected person tries to hide, become invisible, but paradoxically he does it in such a way as to attract as much attention as possible, thereby causing even greater dissatisfaction of the parents. The circle is closed: adults, as a punishment, deprive the child of their society, and he, feeling rejected, does everything he considers right to get into this society.
With the growing up of the child, his complexes also mature. Now, a person with such an injury is trying not to attract the attention of those who, in his opinion, rejected it, but initially tries to make sure that it is not rejected - simply to avoid contact with such people. And if, nevertheless, interaction cannot be avoided and communication does not work as we would like, the outcast will blame himself for everything and move even further away from the one who, in his opinion (often subjective), rejected him.

The consequences of rejected injury in adulthood
If someone believes that human injurythat he received in childhood remains there forever and does not cause him any problems in adulthood - he is seriously mistaken. The adult life of a former rejected child is a constant flight, attempts to hide, disappear, become invisible. It is understandable that such a bang will not be successful in business or happy in his personal life.

Knowing that he will respond to rejection with panic and powerlessness, such a person will do everything in advance to avoid contact with people who can reject him. It would seem that this is terrible? There are many people in the world and you can always find your circle of friends. However, in reality everything is much worse: with each person whom the outcast manages to avoid, his own importance, his importance in the society where he works or lives, decreases in his own eyes. Further, the situation is aggravated: the outcast is gradually convincing himself that he is much worse than all other people, which means he has no right to live like that, so they are: he has no right to success, to love, to the care of loved ones. So really high-class specialists in one area or another drive themselves into the shadows, believing that they are not capable of anything. Moreover, the depth of the injury can be judged by how often such a person is rejected by others, because, expecting to become an outcast, he draws to himself those situations in which exactly this happens.