Self-sabotage. How to bring things to the end? How to bring things to the end: understanding, planning, motivation, methods of working on yourself, goals and achieving a goal

Hello friends!

Do you complete all your affairs? Do you realize all your goals? Does it happen that you decided, for example, to learn English, but left this venture halfway? Or set a goal to create your own business, but faced with the first difficulties, waved a hand at it and thought it was not for you?

If your answer is yes, then read this article to the end. In it, I tell you how to bring things to the end, not to lose interest in them and achieve your goals. And it’s really important to learn this, because our personal growth, efficiency and quality of life depend on the ability to bring things to the end.

Make sure the goal is really yours

Before you start working on a business, make sure that you really need it. For example, you decide to learn English. Ask yourself why you need it. If your answers are this: because everyone in our modern society should know English, or when I go on trips, I can communicate with foreigners, or I'm just interested in trying. In this case, you are unlikely to learn English, because for you it is not so important, you do not have a specific goal.

But if you answer that you want to learn English, because after 2 years you finish school and are going to go to university in England. Then here you already have a clear goal and motivation to learn a language.

That is, you should have enough reasons to finish the job.

Rate the resources you need

Resources include time, effort, and money. Before starting any business, write down what resources and in what quantity you will need to implement it.

Break the target into small steps

First write how long you want to reach the goal. In a month, 3 months, a year? Then break your goal into small everyday steps that will advance you towards its achievement. Thus, every day you should have a list of specific tasks that you will do today. Make sure that the load is not too big, you can move slowly, but the main thing is to remain constantly in motion. If the matter seems complicated to you or you do not have time to do it, then break it down into even smaller cases. As a result, you get a list of simple tasks, the implementation of which is not difficult.

Work on your goal regularly

After you make a to-do list for the week, give yourself the setting that you will complete them within the set time. There are a lot of temptations in our world: a new film has been released, friends are calling for a walk, there are a lot of interesting things on social networks. But if you constantly succumb to momentary weakness: watch movies, communicate in social services. networks, and not work on your goal, you will never achieve the desired result and you will constantly feel inner dissatisfaction with yourself, and your life will not change. Therefore, think that it is more important for you to achieve a goal or temporary pleasure.

Encourage yourself

After completing each business, reward yourself with something pleasant. It can be a short rest, a glass of freshly squeezed juice, a piece of chocolate, favorite music and more. Thus, you will feel the pleasure of the work done.

Track your progress

This will help you understand whether you are moving in the right direction, and give you confidence. You can even celebrate some kind of intermediate successes. For example, you made a website for your business, received your first order, earned the first $ 100. In honor of your success, you can go to your favorite cafe with friends, buy a new dress, and more. Each one has his own. No need to wait until you reach your goal. Fill the path to the goal with joy, love and smiles.

Be prepared for difficulties in advance

Reaching the goal, each person, as a rule, goes through 4 stages. The first stage is the rise. This is when we light up a goal, we feel the strength and dyve. And we are ready to work for hours on our goal.

The second stage is recession. It happens when we encounter difficulties, for a long time we cannot achieve the desired result. At this stage, a person begins to give up, self-confidence disappears and you want to give up everything. It is at this stage that there is a check on how much you need what you are striving for. And here it is important not to give up, but to look for a way out of the current situation.

The third stage is overcoming the recession. At this stage, a person was able to go through difficulties, learned a lot, new opportunities opened up for him and the belief appeared that everything would work out.

The fourth stage is the achievement of the goal. At the fourth stage, a person expects a reward in the form of achieving the desired result. And often, just knowing these four stages of goal achievement helps bring things to the end.

Trust life

No need to go ahead. If something does not work out for a long time, then it is worth looking around. Perhaps life is trying to show you a slightly different path that will help you achieve your goal much faster. When achieving great goals, it is important to be open and able to see the clues of the universe.

Video

Good luck, friends!

In contact with

How to bring things to the end and what to do with self-sabotage? I answer readers' questions in a weekly column.

Ira, Minsk

Hello, Olesya! Your help is very necessary! The fact is that I am currently working on writing a dissertation, or rather, rewriting it. After graduating from postgraduate studies for the 3 years prescribed, at the end I submitted the full text of the dissertation, but reviewers recommended that I redo almost 90% of the text (the manager and I went to the wrong area). I was so upset that I just hated my dissertation and did not touch it at all for 2 years. But as a result, my conscience was tortured, and I realized that I had to finish it. But the question is how? As soon as I sit down to work on it, I get a bunch of other "urgent" things, so as not to do it. It feels like my whole gut is resisting this. She analyzed the situation a lot, even thought of quitting her thesis. But in the end, I came to the conclusion that I must still finish this business, otherwise I will "eat it from the inside" later on. I beg you to advise, please, how to stimulate yourself, collect as they say "in a heap" to complete the dissertation! Thank you very much in advance!!! Really looking forward to your reply!

Ira, unfinished business is holesby which the reserve of our vitality flows away. Everything that hangs in the process without active implementation takes energy from us (and we often don’t realize that this is the reason for lethargy). I can assume that you are right in front of you - only on a daily routine in this situation. Even if it’s not so and you don’t complain about the presence of energy (maybe you have stable sources of recharge), anyway, this story hanging on your neck “sucks” to the fullest.

Like a computer that crashes with a large number of open programs, so does our body go into slowdown and self-sabotage mode, when there are many unresolved parallel issues that hang without active inclusion in the process.

There are only two ways to deal with unfinished business:

1. Complete the unfinished business. Bring to the result.

The first way is to take and do. Despite any of his “I want-I don't want / I can-I can’t”. Just take it and do it. If necessary through force. You do this primarily to get rid of the noose on your neck, to get a new influx of strength and free time. And also, to learn the secret "I can." When you yourself know that you know how to bring large projects to the end, then you are not afraid of anything. There is that very calm feeling that in this life everything is real and not so complicated - you just need to do it. Such confidence comes, I repeat, only after you have several times pumped your “I can” - that is, brought to the result what you needed.

To do this:

- Set a clear goal: by what date do you close this question, what will be considered the final of this issue;

- To remove all unnecessary things from the road: to temporarily abandon those processes that interfere with solving the dangling and blood-sucking issue. If you need to give up dancing for six months, we refuse to dance, if you need to hang out with friends less often - less often hang out with friends and so on;

- Notify all involved people, by what time you close this question, so that there is no opportunity to file;

- Outline a work plan: break down into stages and concentrate on the current step;

- Do-do-do.

  2. Refuse unfinished business

Another way to resolve issues with unfinished business is to abandon them. Everything that hangs in the process, but does not work out in any way, can be reset. Take the load off the soul. This is also a worthy method, since there is no point in dragging along what you really are not doing. This gives a huge influx of strength. So that conscience does not torment, it is useful to discern your own mistakes on the topic of misinterpreting yourself and your aspirations. Do not shift them, do not look for the guilty, do not ponder “for what?” And “why?” Just admit, forgive, and let go.

Keeping a rhythm makes sense only in what you really need, in other cases you can safely abandon things that were once imposed on yourself.

Illustration from the web on this topic:

“In life, there are a huge number of situations, things or people that do not suit us, and for a long time. For example:

• Relationships that have long been a burden;
• Work that is long tired;
• People who constantly fail, thoughtlessly and hopelessly ...

But for unknown reasons, we cling to the side of a sinking ship in the hope that it might float someday, spending the remaining nerves, time, money on it.

Of course, if you take into account the installation of “Patience and labor will grind everything”, you must be persistent and not give up.

And in this case there should be an indicator - exact deadlines.

But if he is not, then grasp the ancient Native American proverb:

The horse is dead - get off!

It would seem that everything is clear, however, we often adhere to other strategies, including the following:

1. We convince ourselves that there is still hope.
  2. We beat the horse harder.
  3. We say: "We always rode like that."
  4. We organize an event to revitalize dead horses.
  5. We explain that our dead horse is much "better, faster and cheaper."
  6. We organize a comparison of different dead horses.
  7. We sit near the horse and persuade her not to be dead.
  8. We buy funds that help to ride faster on dead horses.
  9. We are changing the criteria for identifying dead horses.
  10. We visit other places to see how dead horses ride there.
  11. We gather colleagues to analyze a dead horse.
  12. We pull off dead horses, in the hope that together they will ride faster.
  13. We hire dead horse specialists.

We do all this instead of going and finding ourselves another horse.

Do not revive a dead horse !!!

Free the holy place - and another horse will appear in this place.
But it will appear under one condition - if you do not cling to the past and allow new living creatures to occupy this stable. If you do not want to believe in it - well, suffer.

Your life is your choice.

How do you know if a horse is dead?

- the horse does not breathe;
  - the horse does not move;
  - the horse does not carry a rider;
  - the horse does not eat carrots;
  - the horse does not respond to pain;
  “If you leave everything as it is, the horse starts to smell bad and flies flock.”

Distinguishing grains of true desires from the chaff of stupid dreams or promises is an art that comes only with practice. Sometimes in all senses it is useful to bring to the result what you absolutely did not need to be able to feel this fine line.

Unfinished business interferes with a quiet life and sometimes makes you think about your failure. How to learn to finish the job?

How to learn to finish the job

Even if you spend a lot of time setting goals, breaking them down into separate steps and tasks, it can still be hard for you to force yourself to do your business until the goal reaches its successful outcome. Often, crossing the starting line is much easier than the finish line. You will learn how to learn how to finish the job through the following steps:

1. Learning from our mistakes

To move forward, to your highest achievements, you first need to learn and learn from your unfinished business. If you feel a psychological burden caused by unfinished business, you need to forgive yourself for this, and promise yourself that this will not happen again.

1. Abandoning strategies without a future

Pay attention to the ways in which you tried to bring yourself to the end. If you have repeatedly used this method, but it does not work, or sometimes works, then do not use it at all.

Often people just go in circles, adhering to the same strategies that do not work, and live for years in the hope that everything will change soon. Understand, nothing will come of it.

1. Realize the ability to complete things

Try to realize that no matter what business you undertake, whatever purpose you pursue, you always have the ability to complete business on time. After all, you are not trying to achieve something impossible, but rather, on the contrary. There are always ways in our lives to complete things to the end, complete all projects and achieve the desired results.

1. Be ready to cope with difficult tasks.

It’s easy to simply say that you are able to complete the job. Anyone can say that. But the real ability is that you are ready to do all the dirty work. But this work can significantly slow down the pace of your movement. And this, believe me, makes many doubt their own abilities.

But if you have a desire to bring things to the end, then you have to put up with the presence of hard work and decide to do it regardless of the degree of its complexity. This is the very key difference between the ability to start a business and bring it to its logical end.

1. Do not let anyone or anything distract you from the work.

1. Make it a rule to finish everything that has been started. Do not take on a new business until you complete the project you have started.

1. If you can’t fulfill it, completely refuse to implement the plan, but do not leave it in limbo.

1. Try to do what you can do right away. Request by mail, phone call, plan change notification - do it right away. First, postponing the matter until “after lunch” or having a smoke break about it, you can simply forget and let your colleague down. Secondly, the postponed minor matters in total give an alarming sense of time pressure, which creates unnecessary fussiness.

1. Difficult and routine tasks are best done in the morning and without interruption. Any distraction from business requires a new immersion in the task, which again takes time and effort. Save your energy - do the work in bulk immediately.

1. Keep these promises or don’t give them at all.

1. Do the work quickly, do not stretch the process, accelerate. Try to complete the work faster than it has time to get bored and turn into a headache.

And further

1. Do not sit waiting for ideal conditions. If you constantly wait for ideal conditions, probably you will not begin to act. There will always be something that bothers you. Either not that time, or a lot of competition, etc. in the real world there is no ideal time to start business. You must learn to act and be able to resolve issues.

Ideas alone do not bring success. Ideas are very important, but they are valuable only when applied. If you are full of ideas, and most importantly, you believe in them, then you need to act.

Act to scare away fear from yourself. Everyone probably knows that the most terrible part of a speech in front of the audience is to wait in line for your turn. But as soon as you start talking, the excitement will disappear. Action is a way of driving away fear. It is difficult, of course, to act for the first time. Starting to act, eliminate fear and build your success with confidence.

Live in the present. Focus on what you are doing right now. No need to worry about what you should have done two days ago or what you should do in a week. You will think a lot about it - nothing will work.

Be an organized person before embarking on an independent business. Perhaps the initiative is just that property that company managers so desire. Therefore, do not allow yourself to lose the initiative. When you have a new idea, implement it without a command from above. You will be surely noticed when they understand how serious you are about the work and activities of the company. those sitting upstairs do not wait for instructions on what to do. Therefore, if you want to be near them, act independently.

As soon as you learn to be collected and stop putting things off for later, you can implement any project, no matter how large-scale it is.

For example, a person himself can be super talented, be a generator of ideas, and if he brought at least 1/10 of his endeavors to a result, he would become a super successful, famous and wealthy person. And since he does not bring any started work to the end, he does not receive positive results at all. Because of this, it seems that the person does a lot, and the results are “0”, this state of affairs quickly undermines the person’s self-esteem and he becomes a failure.

Firstthat we will consider in this article are the reasons why this happens, because of which a person does not bring his undertakings to what would seem to be the desired result.

The main reasons why a person does not finish what he started

Many business trainers and book authors consider this problem mainly from the so-called. discipline and willpower. But in addition to willpower and the effective organization of one’s life, there are still very important underestimated components - this is the strength of aspiration (the strength of a person’s motivation), these are feelings (love, gratitude, devotion, sense of duty, others), these are the right priorities.

How to get things done

Let's move on to considering the causes of the “Begin and Quit” situation.

1. The problem - “Today I caught fire - tomorrow I went out”, got sick. When the goal seems to be there, and the fire of desire to achieve this goal is, to put it mildly, weak. And there is a car and where to go clearly, but kerosene is not enough. This means that a person is not motivated, he does not have enough internal energy to achieve his goal. This is one of the most common reasons why many people quit what they started - they are weakly motivated!

It is sad that the vast majority of people do not know how to purposefully motivate themselves, do not know how to ignite in their souls a great desire for a goal.

2.   Not controlling your desires (not controlling yourself)! Because of what, a person cannot effectively organize his life, and as a result, he does not achieve anything significant in life. At first I wanted one thing, after five minutes another, after another third hour, and so the man his own uncontrollable desires pulled like a puppet, tearing it apart.

Such a problem is very common when a person’s real life goals are replaced by momentary desires, “huts”. In this case, a person runs year after year, hour after hour, satisfies his petty and base desires, but does not go to the Goals, as a result he and his whole life stand still. “Rat Race,” as Robert Kiyosaki would say.

The problem is that the person has not decided - what he really wants from life! He did not set real life goals for which it is really worth living, and to which, by and large, all his momentary reactions and desires should be subordinated.

3.   Wrong, unordered priorities. Indeed, many people do not at all distinguish between what is primary and what is secondary. In books about success you can find the so-called “Pareto Principle”, its essence is as follows: there are always 20% of cases that give 80% of the final result, and 80% of the cases that most people are used to doing, provide only 20% of the final result.

One of the foundations of success is the ability to single out precisely those main 20% of Matters that will ensure success and the desired result. And to give these matters the main time of their life. This is exactly what most people do not know how and do not want to do! People are used to doing not what they need, but what they like best, or what they are used to doing. Because of this, their efforts bring them a maximum of 20% of the final result, and this is always not enough to achieve success.

But the problem of non-aligned Priorities is not limited to the Pareto principle. Here are a lot of nuances that need to be studied. A little on this subject can be found in the article “The Basic Life Goals of a Person”, which are correctly prioritized.

4.   Indiscipline, not the ability to competently and effectively organize your time. The problems that most of all bother people here are laziness, negative habits (vices), for example, the habit of leading an idle lifestyle, and also the lack of strong personal qualities (discipline, timeliness, will, responsibility, others).

But remember, a person always has compensating forces that you need to know! You need to know your advantages and rely on them! Thus, if you do not have enough discipline, you can compensate for the discipline with your other strong qualities, for example, with a creative approach and the ability to ignite and motivate yourself.

If you work out paragraph 1 well, then this may well be enough to achieve your desired goal.

1. Make lists of planned tasks. Take a pen and a sheet, and right now make a list of all the things that need to be settled. Take a break for 10 minutes, relax, because you have already written everything that excites you on paper / screen. Go back to the list, review it critically: determine which of the above reasons makes it difficult to bring each of these cases to the end?

2. Cross out the unnecessary. Read the list again. Think it really necessary? Cross out cases that are not advisable. Better spend time on something really important.

3. Remember the "rule of two minutes." There is such a principle in time management - the “rule of two minutes”: cases that take no more than 2-5 minutes are executed immediately and deleted. Disassemble the shelf in the closet, clean up the shelf in the bathroom, load the washing machine with linen - all this takes no more than 5 (maximum 10) minutes. Only half an hour has passed, and you have already done 5 to 10 things!

4. Become a Frenchman - eat a “frog”. Highlight all items in the list in green that are lazy due to their failure. These are the most unpleasant things that you put off until the last, in time management they are called “frogs”. "There are frogs," - to cope with unloved affairs, it is better in the morning. For example, you are required to write something. Present in great detail how you write. Feel, make, and spend the rest of the day doing better things.

5. Divide the elephant. The most difficult and difficult cases are called "elephants." If you don’t know where to start, try to divide the “elephant” - divide the case into several stages or cases. The simpler and faster the stage is, the better. What will your consciousness perceive easier: 5 complex and long tasks in time or 20 simple 5-minute affairs? The main rule is to return to them in your free time.
Suppose you decide to learn French. In the morning we learned one grammar rule, in the afternoon - 10 words, in the evening we made a couple of sentences with new words according to the learned rule. You see, in a few months you will already be able to communicate reasonably with your French business partners.

6. Praise yourself. Yes, yes) Nothing pleases and inspires so much as a list of completed tasks. Therefore, as soon as the work is completed, boldly cross it out and praise yourself for it. Enthusiasm will increase if encouragement looms behind difficulties like a lifebuoy: shopping, a pleasant evening, goodies for tea.

7. Summarize. Allocate a few hours once a week or a month (as you wish) and summarize. You will notice that many things are brought to the end, several “frogs” have disappeared, and a couple of “elephants” have half-dried up. Praise yourself again and add new things to the list.