How to recognize a manipulator and deal with it It is easy to become a victim of ingenious tricks of a hidden aggressive personality. If you want to avoid victimization, you must do the following: 1. Get to know the character of these wolves in sheep's clothing. Understand what they want

Chapter 1. What is manipulation. How to distinguish a manipulator How to recognize a manipulation In an effort to control the ship of your own destiny, it is very important not to go too far. After all, if you see a potential manipulator in each interlocutor, you can not only spoil

How to recognize manipulation In an effort to control the ship of your own destiny, it is very important not to go too far. After all, if you see a potential manipulator in each interlocutor, you can not only spoil relations with the whole world, but also quickly come to

Removing the manipulator The corresponding active method is not to delete itself, but to remove the manipulator from itself. If we talk about physical removal, you can, for example, expose an obsessive traveling salesman from the house or slam the door in front of the nose of an annoying neighbor.

The autopsy of the secret intentions of the manipulator Let us recall the quote from "Hamlet" at the beginning of the book. Hamlet destroys the manipulation scheme, directly accusing Rosencrantz and Guildenstern of trying to play it. Manipulation in the vast majority of cases -

5.2. How to recognize a gamer? Gambling is not just a bad habit, it is a socially dangerous disease. The desire to have some fun and try your luck can turn into an obsessive attachment to gambling imperceptibly for both the player and his environment.

Manipulation can be called one of the most common types of communication. It is necessary for the psychological impact on the person. Manipulation in communication is a way of control, the ability to control the behavior and feelings of the individual.

The process itself consists of a subject (a manipulator) and an object (the addressee of its impact). Moreover, the latter is not informed about the psychological intervention in his personality. Therefore, such an effect on people (or a group) often has a dismissive or condescending connotation.

Psychological manipulations in communication can be found at different levels: in personal discussion, in the family, in the team. They can be used both for creative purposes and for demoralizing a person. In this, the goal that the manipulator seeks to achieve plays a large role. The methods with which he is going to act are also important.

Types of manipulation in communication.  The types of impact are based on the use of the strength of the manipulator and playing on the weaknesses of the object. The latter, unaware of the process, believes that he controls his behavior. Moreover, all the benefits of his actions go to the manipulator. It distorts the flow of information, finds a convenient moment and in a peculiar way conveys information to the addressee. All these components help the manipulator take advantage of the situation or reaction of the object for their own purposes. Manipulations in communication (types, techniques, methods) - this is actually the control of human consciousness.

The main types of impact are divided into:

• - Conscious - a person understands the essence of his influence and sees the end result he is striving for (this kind is more common in business communication);
• - unconscious - a person is vaguely aware of the ultimate goal and meaning of his influence (this kind is more common in interpersonal communication).

Minor species are divided into:

• - linguistic (otherwise they are called communication) - this is the psychological impact on a person through speech (during dialogue, discussion);
• - behavioral - this is the control of consciousness through actions, situations, actions (in this case, speech serves only as an addition).

Communication manipulation techniques.The manipulator chooses the appropriate techniques, depending on who his activity is aimed at. It can be an impact on an individual or an entire audience. The media space has its own established ways of controlling human consciousness. Employers often use manipulation techniques to create their own image. In the family, there are separate forms of interaction between parents and children.

The basic techniques and methods of manipulation in communication are based on feelings. They are able to destroy a person’s personality, his life. Therefore, you should learn the important points of mental interaction and try to stop them.

Reception number 1. Exposure to love.  In this technique, love is not an unconditional feeling. A person is perceived only if he fulfills certain requirements or conditions. For example: “If you do so and so, I will love you”, “Only worthy employees remain in our team, the rest leave of their own accord”. In manipulation, conditions are offered, if they are fulfilled, a person will receive at least a good attitude toward himself, and at most - love. The cruelty of this psychological impact is that the person is not perceived entirely (with advantages and disadvantages), but only approve of its good behavior.

Reception number 2. Impact of fear.Fear and lack of awareness of the addressee allow cleverly manipulate his actions and deeds. For example: “If you don’t go to college, you will become a beggar”, “You are an excellent specialist, but another job applicant has appeared on this vacancy.” All invented fears come from a lack of information. By listening to the manipulator, the addressee makes a big mistake. Sometimes such an influence hides a desire to make a person do something better, without additional motivation or funding.

Reception number 3. The impact of guilt.Guilt is most commonly used by manipulators in family life. By experiencing it, a person seeks to repair the damage done. For example: “You walked and had fun with your friends, but I am alone and have a baby to babysit, and I create comfort for you”, “You better relax today, but I can do your work for you.” The manipulator will constantly put pressure on guilty feelings or find new episodes. In such a situation, the addressee will try to neutralize the discomfort and will fall into the same trap over and over again. Guilt subsequently gives rise to aggression, therefore, the manipulator should use such psychological influence with caution.

Reception number 4. The impact of self-doubt.In this case, the manipulator crushes its authority. It directly indicates the incompetence of the addressee in certain issues. For example: “You must listen to me - I have lived my life!” You are not capable of anything without me ”,“ Actually, I’m the boss here, so it’s up to me to decide how this should be done. ” Such self-affirmation at the expense of another can take place at different levels and on different issues. The impact will continue until the addressee gets rid of his insecurity, weakness and acquires the necessary skills.

Reception number 5. Exposure to pride.Vanity, pride - a wonderful lever for psychological impact. For example: “I see that my wife is tired at work. But you are smart and an excellent hostess - surprise my friends with a delicious dinner ”,“ I am preparing a promotion for you, but, unfortunately, I still have to leave my salary the same. ” The more a person seeks to prove his skills to someone, the more often he tries to catch up and overtake his acquaintances in the success, the faster he will become a victim of psychological impact.

Reception number 6. Impact of pity.This technique is often used by children and young girls. His task is to arouse self-pity and a desire to help. For example: “I’m so tired, I don’t have any strength, but I also need to cook dinner for you”, “I’m the boss and every time I get statements for your bad work and pay fines for you.” The victim in this psychological impact receives help. But she herself does not seek to improve her life, but prefers to complain. The light energetic “vampirism” of this action subsequently causes contempt for the manipulator.

Signs of manipulation. There are special keys that the manipulator uses to get the result. Here are some of them:

• 1) Emotion. If the addressee feels that the opponent is “crushing” feelings (for example, pity, empathy, shame, revenge), then the process of managing consciousness is underway.
• 2) Incomprehensible words. Professional terms, “smart” phrases appear in speech. They are a distracting maneuver that is designed to disguise a lie.
• 3) Repeat a phrase. The recipient hears the repetition of the same statement in speech. Thus, the manipulator is trying to "zombie", inspire the necessary thought.
• 4) Urgency. It creates a certain level of nervousness. The addressee does not have time to comprehend what has been said, but he is already being called to action. His attention is distracted, and in the hustle and bustle he begins to do what the opponent wants.
• 5) The fragmentation of meaning. During the discussion, the recipient is not given all the information. It is crushed into pieces so that a person is not able to cover the entire news as a whole, but draws false conclusions based on a fragmentary phrase.
• 6) The imposition of stereotypes. The manipulator deliberately addresses known truths, emphasizing the commonality of the addressee with them. This imposition of stereotypical thinking or actions leads to the fulfillment by their object of influence.

Manipulations in communication are necessary in those cases when a person does not have the strength and confidence to achieve his desire. He is afraid to openly declare his claims and will prefer to seek his hidden influence.

Manipulation is a way of managing people, based on the impact on emotions, feelings, thinking. This act of influence is also called covert control. Manipulation is a cruel and dishonest impact. To avoid it, you need to know the mechanisms and methods of this process.

Sign of manipulation

Manipulation is a hidden psychological effect on the emotions, feelings of a partner in order to obtain benefits for the author of the manipulation. Sometimes manipulators act so subtly on consciousness that it is very difficult to recognize this attempt to control. In order to learn how to track manipulations, it is necessary to consider the three most important components of this definition.

• Hidden psychological impact. Manipulation is a subtle influence in which the manipulator hides its meaning.
• The impact and use of emotions, feelings, partner conditions. This is the basis of manipulation, since the nature of man has a desire to achieve and maintain pleasant emotions and avoid negative experiences.
• Benefit for the manipulator. It can be not only material, but also psychological, when one's own status can be raised through public humiliation of another person.

Principle of manipulation

A good manipulator is able to quickly find in any person those strings, the game on which will lead to the desired result.

In order to identify vulnerabilities, the manipulator first unbalances the victim. For this, for example, provocative and teasing statements are used that attack self-esteem: “Is it so easy to get you crazy?”, “Where are you going! You will not be able to negotiate with this client! ”

When the manipulator finds a weak spot, it will be able to guide you using one of the following tools:

• pity
• pride
• fear
• ambition
• greed

Manipulation Methods

Silence

This method of manipulation is often used by women if they want to achieve something from their men. The longer a woman is silent, the more a man becomes nervous and looks for a way to rectify the situation.

This method of manipulation, like any other, should not be abused - over time, it will simply stop working.

Increased attention

Human psychology is designed so that it strives to reciprocate any relationship. Have you noticed how difficult it is to leave without a purchase if the seller has treated you with the utmost attention? Trying to reach a consensus, you will do what is expected of you.

Tears

Another common way to manipulate. This aggressive method is especially preferred by women and children, and it is used most often in everyday life. The same method can also be attributed to a feeling of pity, caused specifically.

Game of uncertainty

This is a masculine way to manipulate competitors or rivals. Often it is enough to cause the interlocutor to doubt the correctness, so that he begins to make mistakes.

The repetition of "truths"

Individual "pain point

This is the traumatic experience that a specific person had to endure on his life path. It is believed that only an experienced manipulator who can quickly examine them can press on such points. This is partly true, but the main players in this case, sadly, are just close people who know the nature and events of the life of the one they are influencing.

Anxiety and fear

The manipulator presents the situation as if his opponent is in danger, and immediately offers a way to avoid this. It is common in everyday life.

Guilt

This is one of the main "levers" of the manipulator. And the main way to manipulate guilty feelings is through demonstrative resentment.

Feeling of compassion

These feelings are instilled from childhood: parents, kindergarten, school are actively developing the possibility of such feelings. And although these feelings are really needed, they are a target for manipulators of any scale.

Profit, saving

In this case, it is not always about greed - rather, the desire to be more economical or to get at least a small profit. These may be joint offers of acquaintances to invest in some extremely profitable business, which is beneficial to acquaintances, but it’s good for you if it just goes away without loss.

Shame, remorse

Feelings of shame are instilled from childhood, nurtured and educational conversations, and a discussion of children's books and cartoons. Every child is taught exactly what situations to be ashamed of, saying: “You should be ashamed! No shame, no conscience! ” Shame is a feeling of a certain inferiority of oneself or a perfect act, so strong that at this moment you want to hide from prying eyes, you want no one to learn about shame. This gives room for manipulation for the "knowledgeable."

Who is affected?

By the way, the more weaknesses a person has and the lower a person’s self-esteem, the more he depends on the opinions of other people, the easier it is for him to manipulate.

How to protect yourself from manipulators?

Here are some examples of protection against manipulators:

Appeal to your pity, guilt or duty.  Of course, you should pay attention to your husband and help colleagues, but not to the detriment of your interests, plans and your free time. Try to decline your next request, citing urgent matters. Explain to the supplicant when you will be free or how much you can help now.

Self-abasement. Many people resort to this method of manipulation. Openly speaking about their shortcomings or inability to do anything, they shift all responsibilities to another person. If you have such acquaintances who use your excessive kindness, again hurry to confuse them. For example, when the manipulator wants to dump all the duties and responsibilities onto your shoulders again, start praising it. For example, you can say to a colleague that you would be happy to organize a corporate event yourself, but not one organizer can compare with her imagination and fantasy. Surely, you will put her in an uncomfortable position with this answer.

Intrigue. Often people tend to lie, to intrigue, to use your reaction for their own purposes. For example, a husband using fictitious gossip quarrels with your girlfriend so that you devote all his free time to him.

In this case, in order to avoid misunderstandings, do not be afraid to ask clarifying questions that can reveal the truth. Usually, schemers do not thoroughly think out details and do not attach importance to trifles. Therefore, the lie is easy to uncover.

It is said that in India there was once a secret sect of stranglehold tugs. Sometimes they are also called tags. In honor of their death goddess Kali, they strangled people with a silk ribbon and sacrificed to it. But it would be wrong for one tug to accidentally strangle another tug. What to do? After all, the sect is secret. How can a strangler tugu recognize another tug in his victim? And they came up with various secret identification marks, so as not to make a mistake and recognize a fellow tug as a potential victim. But nevertheless, the main means of fighting against such a mistake was another. Just in case, all the tugs from childhood trained the neck muscles to withstand strangulation if they were suddenly attacked by some other tug!

So, if you do not want to be strangled, train your neck muscles and do not succumb to suffocation!

If you do not want to be manipulated, train your abilities to resist manipulation and do not give in to it!

One simple question remains: how to resist manipulation if you do not know what it is? Well, so let's answer it, and we will live in peace in the world of manipulation!

Manipulation briefly

The word “manipulation” has recently been so often used in the media (media) that it has become something familiar. However, the familiar - does not mean clear!

What is manipulation?

Let us first give the broadest and most understandable definition of this word.

Manipulation is a clever control of human behavior.

Any objections to this definition? I think that it is wide enough and obvious so that there are no objections. And clarifications, of course, can be given! What will we do soon.

So, what is it? If manipulation is a clever control, then who is a manipulator? The smart manager?

Manipulator- this is such a person who cleverly controls the behavior of other people. Yes, that’s exactly it! In Russian, the most suitable name for him is “ puppeteer". The manipulator plays by people, as a clever puppeteer plays with dolls, forcing them to move and act according to his will. Moreover, no one asks the dolls if they themselves want to move and act like that! Yes, and dolls do not resist the puppeteer! Unless passively.

Modern life has given us a new image when the puppeteer can control the doll from a distance! Have you seen radio-controlled models in the form of cars, boats or airplanes? The puppeteer-modeller stands apart and with the help of radio waves controls the movement of his ward model. Does this remind you of anything? For example, the television and radio control of the masses?

By the way, there is also a literal translation of the word “manipulator” into Russian - “ supervisor"! That is, one who leads other people with his own hands in the direction he needs. In terms of meaning, the concept of “leader” is not much different from the concept of “puppeteer,” agree?

Manipulation- quite a fashionable word these days.

With this word in our time it is customary to scare people: “Oh! You are being manipulated! ”It is fashionable for them to scare the masses:“ Unscrupulous politicians are manipulating us! ”Or:“ Electors are being manipulated using the mass media! ”

But what they are doing for this and how, remains not entirely clear.

Let's figure it out a bit. First, we will examine simple examples and in general terms, and then we will begin to analyze the manipulation in more detail.

The concept of "use" as an analogue of manipulation

In Western films, manipulation is usually referred to as " using». Remember some popular action movies or adventurous adventure films, and you will certainly stumble upon the use of this word. So, there often “good heroes” say to “bad heroes” with reproach and pressure in his voice: “You used me!”

This is a “terrible rebuke” and a grave accusation on the lips of a good hero! Perhaps it would be more accurate to say in a similar situation, “you abused me” or “you used me”! In any case, let us think: what is meant?

And the following is meant.

Signs of "use" of a person:

• Human object as thing.
• Belittlingobject of manipulation.
• Action in the interests of the manipulator.
• Understanding aftercommitting.
• Result worse than expectedor not at all.

Why does this charge of “use” ever arise? Why didn’t the person object and act as the manipulator needed before, and then he suddenly "saw" and realized that he was "used"? What makes a victim “see” and be aware of manipulation? This happens when the victim realizes that she has not received what she was counting on, or received much less than that. And at the same time, the manipulator won!

So, if you realized that you did not get what you were counting on, you can safely assume that you were used! Well, you can still spit after the manipulator leaving with a win ...

Conclusions about the manipulative "use"

Let’s now in a concentrated form figuratively summarize everything said above about “use”:

I think that having learned about this definition, almost any child, after he thinks well, can say that it says about him and his parents! And I think he will be right! This is where the roots of manipulation and “use” come from - they stretch from childhood!

What other example can be given already from non-childish life?

Well, for example, history knows cases where a messenger was instructed to deliver a report, and so that he galloped faster, they said that a big reward would await him. He delivered a report, not knowing that there was a note: “Destroy the messenger!” And “as a reward” this messenger received death!

Terrible manipulation, right?

And full compliance with all the signs of "use" that we have analyzed:

• The messenger is treated like things.
• The messenger set belowother participants in the action.
• Use it in their own interests.
• Use it secretly, "Into the dark," because he does not know what exactly is contained in the report.
• is he doesn't get what he wanted, on what counted, and receives something else!

Among other things, note that manipulation is very often present cheating: promise the victim one thing, but she gets a completely different!

Conclusion

We met with the introduction to the art of manipulation. I will not hide that this is only the very beginning of my book “Manipulating a Person” and the beginning of trainings on the topic of manipulation.

Nevertheless, you can now reap the pleasant fruits of your curiosity without any of my trainings!

Just remember this key phrase:

"I am a thing that one who puts himself above me uses in his interests, not informing me of these interests, and I get not what I expected."

And as soon as you suspect a possible manipulation, then immediately estimate how much the current specific situation corresponds to this “magic phrase”. And if, by all criteria, life coincides with theory, then drop your suspicions. You can no longer doubt - you are being manipulated!

What to do then?

Decide for yourself. You can throw a scandal to the manipulator, you can stop the manipulation, you can carry out your counter-manipulation, or you can ask for advice from someone who can give it to you.

And I wish you success in this!

Sazonov V.F. Manipulation by the person: the Training manual. Ryazan: RSU, 2007.56 s.

© Sazonov V.F. 2007
  © Published with the kind permission of the author.

The girl went into the shoe store sneakers to see. Just take a closer look! To find out what, by what, what are the current prices, models, colors, etc. And I immediately fell into the clutches of professionals. Pleasant atmosphere, cheerful music - everything had to linger in the store longer. The seller, a young man, just a “charm”, immediately asked: “What kind of sneakers will we measure?” He put on shoes on a leg, allowed him to run on a treadmill, presented a keychain, and introduced him to the store director who had a birthday. The Frozen Princess thawed - she decided to buy sneakers. Honestly, not quite the way she wanted, but in addition to them - a halo of pleasant memories. Moreover, a credit card allowed you to make a purchase without much thought.

Directly a classic of the genre! Specialists in sales techniques did not make a single mistake: they created the illusion of choice, surrounded with love and attention, provided small services. What normal person does not repay them the same, doesn’t do a good deed - doesn’t he buy the thing imposed on him? Read Robert Chaldini's book Psychology of Influence, and you will understand and see how such manipulations are performed in life.

Ten years ago, the topic “Learning to say NO!” Was very popular in psychological trainings. The totalitarian Soviet past affected the rule of survival for all: “Better not lean out!” In this regard, I recall one anecdotal case. In the international camp, the children were given the task of making something funny out of pine cones. Each child made what he could: who is a kid, who is an ostrich, etc. And only in the Soviet group did all the children, as one, make hedgehogs.

Other times came, and with them - mores. The current generation of “nulls” is fundamentally different from the previous one: children do what they want, are not afraid to give interviews, they can object to the older generation so that it doesn’t seem to anyone. Modern youth is distinguished by pragmatism, egocentrism, the ability to firmly defend their interests. However, this does not prevent young people from falling into psychological traps set by someone. After all, manipulative practices are also developing: many of them can be learned from sales training.

How to recognize a human manipulator

Let's start with the concept. Man-manipulator is a subject that uses the needs of other people to achieve personal goals. It would seem that there is something unusual? We all use each other a little. The whole difference is that a manipulator person achieves the desired secretly, that is, he never reveals to another person the true motive for his communication with him. Simply put, uses his interlocutor in vain. Examples from life. A friend came to visit ostensibly in order to chat, in fact, she was waiting for a reason to sell you another portion of cosmetics. The boss starts the conversation with compliments, so that it would be more inconvenient for you to refuse a small request, etc.

Often in life there is such a situation. One person told another how badly someone else spoke of him. The comrade begins to worry, quietly hate his "anonymous", etc. And all that was needed was to think: "Why did they tell me this unpleasant story?" After all, they could not tell, even if it is true. As already mentioned, we often become honest when we do not want to be kind. So there was some purpose? "True friend" wanted a quarrel. Perhaps he has the very stigma in the cannon, or maybe he is a scheming man (who feels his need for the world only when the world near it collapses).

Honestly, manipulation is manipulation of discord. In life, there are such manipulators - you cannot go around them on any mare! It seems that people have studied this skill for more than one year ... It's about professionals.

For example, let's go through the clothing market. Here is a middle-aged woman trying on a thing she liked. The seller with a bright red nose tells her: “Yes, it's cold outside ... The sweater is soft and fluffy. And how does he suit you! ” This technique of fooling customers in the language of experts is called "joining." What is the point? One truthful phrase clings to another, corresponding to reality, as a result, the third phrase (already of dubious origin) is automatically perceived as truth. The client is not aware of the catch, according to a nod of his head, because it is difficult to say “no” if he said “yes!” Two times before.

This also includes statements such as: “The longer you look in the mirror, the more you understand that this dress suits you very much”, “As soon as you buy this vacuum cleaner, you will forget about half of your problems”, etc. There is an elementary substitution of concepts: the second action (sensation, feeling) does not follow from the first, but a person does not realize this for the time being.

Why do all these manipulative tricks work? Because three main psychological needs of a person are put under attack: belonging to a group, love and respect of other people, self-esteem of a person. We can say that with one blow, three balls are scored into a pocket at once! True, the fourth, highest human need remains behind - the realization of his own personal project. Hence, this feeling of being a “robot”, “a cash cow”, “a rug for Bobik”, etc. A filthy feeling in one’s soul after fulfilling someone’s request is a clear sign that they simply “used” a person.

Other manipulations are known. We encounter some of them almost every day. For example, using the good feelings of people in someone’s selfish interests. As a rule, they put pressure on pity, compassion for children, the elderly, love for the motherland. Examples are well-known: “Good people, give money to treat a child”, “Have you thought about the old people?”, “We will clean the city with our own hands, because we love it!” Manipulators generally like to use the theme of love, friendship, fidelity for their selfish purposes. Quite often: "Dear, I ask you, do it if you love me" or "I think how you friend will not refuse me." At the same time, not wasting himself ...

In terms of behavior, nothing is more like a clear conscience than its complete absence.
  R. Ruven

Is it possible to somehow resist the charming effects of a human manipulator? Can. But first, find out why this is necessary to do ...

The fact is that a person, an object of manipulation, intuitively feels: he is doing what he, in principle, would not want. For example, he buys goods he doesn’t need, goes where he wasn’t going, says what he wanted to keep secret, etc. This happens once or twice ... His unfulfilled desires are “stuffed” into the subconscious, like unnecessary things in the far drawer. Junk accumulates, negative psychic energy accumulates, and one fine day a person simply wedges from its excess. A quiet, obedient child turns into a hysteria, the husband leaves the family for a quiet “gray mouse” that loves him, betrays one another, etc.

The imposed service also carries a certain negative. A thing bought without desire quickly breaks down, money received by deception easily leaves, etc. Good sellers know that it’s more expensive to fool a customer! Therefore, they let him go in peace if they notice that a person is not morally ready to complete a deal. Experts advise just not to make emotional purchases. No wonder they say: "A good purchase needs to be slept."

How to prevent someone else's influence on you

There is only one way - to mirror the psychological tricks of the enemy in their behavior. You talk about extra spending on life, how expensive everything is today, and you need money just a bit - you agree that living is not easy, and in response lists your problems. Evidence of love is required of you, you reply in the same way: "And if you love me, you promise me that you will never ask about it again." The most important thing is not to give up, to believe that you are doing absolutely right - from all points of view. And then a surprise awaits you! The manipulator man will throw off the mask of the “good man” and appear before you “in the image of the beast”: predatory, arrogant and evil. Which once again proves one axiom: "A person who is dodgy in words and a smile is usually unkind." It seems that this rule is valid at all times!

Comment on the article "How to recognize that you are being manipulated"

How to recognize that you are being manipulated. How to recognize a person - a manipulator. Let's start with the concept.

Discussion

malevolence + implementation \u003d covars

A person more intelligent and / or cynical than I expect from him can become insidious. Those. creating in me a "treacherous situation" cognitive dissonance)) towards his greater mind and cynicism)
So far, God has mercy. Although generally glad to make a mistake in a person towards his greater mind)

Mom and Dad can forgive the young manipulator, they can even admire the cunning and How to recognize a home tyrant in a prosperous family. A father who wanted to see his daughter ...

Discussion

Manipulation is a useful tool at first glance, the benefit is obvious. But the risk is great. If a person understands that they are manipulating, then the “return” can exceed all the bonuses.
If the family encourages the habit of manipulating, then ... Mom and dad can forgive the young manipulator, they can even admire the cunning and subtlety of execution, but in "free swimming" the child can get a firm grip on the brain for such a "cute" habit.
To manipulate, as well as to steal, you need to either masterfully or not.
In our family - nothing. At least consciously.
I watched the film, by the way. Grotesque.

no, I don’t play. I stop on the machine. Always and with everyone.

The true manipulator himself practically believes what he is saying. Included in the role. How to recognize a home tyrant in a prosperous family. Encyclopedia of manipulation.

Discussion

Example. Gave Temko in girls "Music to whom", comments 0. I can re-post with the title: "And what kind of dress is on the lady on the right? Is it a chest or a drawing?" and tryndets will begin. But I do not want. Let only those who believe my taste will open.
I’ll go manipulate and the husband himself will start asking me for an exhibition.

The most popular, in my opinion, pretending to be sick: pressure, heart, etc.
Still pretend to be unhappy, because her husband is a drunk. And who, if not a child, should console.
The right to choose: where WE will celebrate the New Year, with us or with you?
"Feeding" an over-age child.
Flattery (mine!): What a fellow you are, helped me carry bags, wash dishes, vacuum, etc. No one has such a son. How lucky I am.
Impact on conscience: how do you not feel ashamed .....
Threats: if you don’t do it, you won’t get it.
Actions aimed at pride and vanity: you cannot lose to Petya.

What to do with the manipulator for 8 years ?. ... I find it difficult to choose a section. Child psychology. Cheto do with the manipulator for 8 years? There is a second-grader child of 8 years. The chart, with ...

Discussion

Love is what. And you - brought up. Unstable nervous system + dislike \u003d suicides, tantrums, deviant behavior. Just do not verbally tell how you love him. Prove it better. There is too much control now. I read below that you write about him. It seems to me that you and he are just different people, the personality is different, hence the global incompatibility. This is for you he - a “dohlik”, a tantrum, a manipulator, a liar, dependent on the opinions of others - in general, a nightmarish personality that needs to be corrected. And for himself, he is a very good person who is not understood. So, the characters did not agree. This is really very scary - when in childhood a person depends on parents who are completely different, not like him, but just different. Not all parents are ready to accept and love a person as he is - sometimes, if they see any differences between him and himself, they begin to make a person out of him, educate, correct his shortcomings.
It will be even worse - when the younger is born, very similar to you with your father, whom it will be very easy to love. In general, if everything continues in the same vein - "not my beloved and respected son lives in my house, but hysterics and a manipulator" - then in his teens he will be at risk for alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc.

it’s very difficult to believe that this is not a wiring, really, really ....
But if not wiring - leave the child with yoga, pool and English, all this is hysteria / manipulation, etc. - he takes revenge on you for trying to make a "trained monkey" out of him. And here I am completely on his side, I would also “kill” such parents

mother-in-law-manipulator. Relatives. Family relationships. My mother-in-law is just a clever manipulator. I have no more strength!

Discussion

i think you're just jealous. it’s not bad, it just bothers you. I propose to make myself a disease, too, and in similar ways to fall into attacks.

I don’t know, I usually say to my husband that I think that he would not have unnecessary questions why, for example, I did not want to talk with his grandmother for a while or something else. And at the expense of visits - don’t go like that, that’s the problem, he’s the son — let him go and congratulate you while you’re offended, it’s better not to communicate, why should you wind up each other’s nerves? But, of course, all this must be done under a plausible pretext, it is not worth entering into an open confrontation. And the fact that a person manipulates his other health, this happens quite often .. there are such people who love to "play up" on other people's emotions, it’s difficult to really struggle with this, just step back and not trust any secrets ..

How to live with the manipulator ??. Wife and husband. Family relationships. How to recognize that you are being manipulated. A quiet, obedient child turns into a tantrum, the husband leaves the family to ...

Discussion

While I was reading all the statements, I remembered YOUR case (and I thought - maybe the "dog is buried" here?). The reason for my act was the absolute inattention of my husband to me, I just heard from him: “Mom, Mom, Mom ... ..” (ie my mother-in-law) against the background of the unexpectedly furious-hurricane passion for me of my former colleague (I quit from there). This former colleague was looking for my company every day, and something incredible began to happen between us (passion, probably). Conversations, coffee, we began to miss, and he zealously began to invite me to a restaurant. To which I, a faithful wife, offended, refused him. But he did not retreat, and this lasted for two or three months. Once (while my husband drinks only on holidays) when I walked from work, I ran into my husband, well, just NO, he was escorted by a friend from work who had a party about buying an apartment. My husband did not let me sleep until almost in the morning - he had health problems. I thought, why I refuse for several months to a man who just sometimes drives me crazy, and my husband gets drunk at work without me for no reason? And I told him that we had an evening at work, and I went to the restaurant with MCH (I note that it was fabulous, but my husband was very worried, since I returned late).
So I thought, if your husband just wanted to meet with friends, then maybe he wouldn’t have such a scandal, maybe a woman is involved there, then you need a reason, really, just the most lawless person will do that. But this is probably not important for you ...

Yes-ah ... All these manipulators in the main look like two drops of water. I had a similar character. My findings:
1) the complex of guilt in you is lovingly nurtured for one simple reason: its insecurity in its own abilities / irresistibility / sexuality, etc. (it must be emphasized). Because, if you are to blame for the circle, then it becomes easier to manipulate you (naturally, to achieve your goals) - a vicious circle.
2) he is afraid of losing you (even without IMHO, I'm just sure of that), which is why it is regularly reported to you that you are hysterical, scandalous, always crying, it is impossible to live with you, etc. Subtext: she will be sure that NO ONE is needed, except for his one (and even that, he just condescended to her, because he loves very much like that) and NEVER will get away from him.
3) his pride and pride are amused: you always ask for forgiveness, even if you are not to blame. For primitivists, the phrase "the one who comes first is to blame" is always relevant.

Try to beat at least one situation not according to the traditional scenario. No matter how, the main thing is different. In manipulators, such actions coolly knock out the soil from under the feet. This is if the need to maintain such a relationship is very great.
But, believe me, you should not live with it and try to do something. Because there are simply normal relations between a man and a woman without any such tricks, no matter how you now doubt it. The case described in the topic is probably just the tiny part of the iceberg that you slightly opened. And the fact that you now understood the whole background of his actions already suggests that you are on the right track: 0) I wish you good luck. It is very difficult to get rid of such people, they will never let go of their sacrifice in peace, just like that, without completely exhausting all the nerves, they really know how to "put pressure on the psyche", in addition, they have studied you very well, they know all the sore spots and they won’t take advantage of it . But they wrote to you correctly, that only when you are free you will understand the nightmare you lived in. And that there is a much more enjoyable life.