Acknowledgment of errors. How? The ability to admit your mistakes

He was wrong, he broke ....

How many of us have made no mistakes in our lives? And not only committed, and then regretted and tormented? I think there is no such person who would answer negatively to these questions.

For any person periodically making mistakes is normal. After all, only he who does nothing does not make a mistake. Although sometimes, in my opinion, this is the biggest mistake. Now I want to talk not about the mistakes themselves, but about their consequences. More precisely, on the correction of their negative consequences.

The ability to admit one’s mistakes is a great virtue and a great art. Not everyone can be able to retreat, accept his mistake and correct it. Many people believe that by acknowledging a mistake, a person is weak.

Is this really so?

I think that every person has at least once found himself in a situation where he has defended his point of view with enviable persistence, although it was clear to himself and to all those around him that this position was wrong. Why is it so hard to admit your mistake, what prevents you from doing this?

It seems that an excess of pride disturbs us. But it only seems, because behind it is actually fear ....

Fear of being defeated, bad, stupid, unrecognized, rejected, unloved. People who do not know how to admit their mistakes are overcome by fear of loneliness and uncertainty. They are the reason for the sometimes absurd upholding of an erroneous position. Some parents also do their part when they inspire the child: “Be that as it may, defend your point of view!”

According to most people, retreat is a sign of weakness. In fact, recognizing his mistake, a person assumes responsibility and admits that he does not know something, does not know. He becomes open, unprotected. And in combination with the fear of loneliness, this is a serious test for those who are not confident in themselves and their surroundings.

Retreat, like any demonstration of "weakness," requires great strength. It is not in vain that they say that a strong and courageous person can admit his mistake, and a coward will persist. Although such “cowardice” is, rather, a misfortune of a person who seems to have publicly acknowledged his mistake, he becomes insecure, unstable, doubting, changing his mind. And since in his understanding all these are negative character traits, then, manifesting these qualities, he, as a result, becomes bad.

In fact, we have come to the conclusion that for a person who does not know how to admit his mistakes, the problem is not in the errors themselves, but lies much deeper. If it is difficult for a person to admit and accept that he can make mistakes and do something wrong, you need to understand the settings that prevent him from doing this. You need to understand what causes discomfort and pain.

Only the answers to these questions will help to abandon stereotypes, realize the underlying causes that prevent one from recognizing mistakes, become more self-confident, stronger and more happy.

Admitting that you made a mistake can be very difficult if you try to “keep your face” in every possible way. However, in the eyes of other people, a person who knows how to admit mistakes and move on is more likely to gain respect than someone who will be angry and evade responsibility. In the end, by continuing to continue to refuse to admit that you are wrong or causing the problem, you may lose your reputation, relationships, your job or career.

No matter how difficult it is to learn to admit mistakes, this skill will free you and allow you and others to move to better relationships or better results. Get ready to admit your mistakes!

Steps

Think about your feelings when you make a mistake. If you are a perfectionist or a person with overactive self-criticism, the mistakes you make can scare you to death or make you believe that you have to hide them or blame someone else on them. Nevertheless, these actions will cause new problems, and the situation will only worsen, or you will have to face even worse consequences. If any of these options apply to you, you will definitely need to apply the methods that are used in this article:

When you make a mistake, your inner critic begins to go crazy, blaming all of yourself, and from this the perfect mistake looks even worse than it really is. You think of your mistake only in a negative light.
Following this error, you underestimate your self-esteem, call yourself stupid, stupid, hopeless. Maybe you even convince yourself that “I will never succeed correctly”, which thus excludes any opportunity to learn from my mistakes.
Having made a mistake in any growth, you immediately stop believing in your thoughts and ideas, and also begin to think several times about the actions that you commit and the decisions that you make.
You tell yourself that this mistake “will never happen again”, and let the past become a warning to you that crushes your growth and development, preventing you from taking on justifiable risks for your future career, study, life plans, etc. Soon you will become an annoyed hermit who repeats the same actions that will not result in a “mistake."
Your idea of \u200b\u200ba “mistake” is distorted. You perceive any mistake, whether it is a forgotten cup of tea for a loved one in the morning or once an unverified spelling in a document, as a disaster that will disappoint others.

Rethink the idea of \u200b\u200bwhat it means to make mistakes. First, mistakes happen, they will happen later, even when you “learn a lesson”. Life is generous with mistakes, as well as with the opportunity to learn, love, and the chances of fulfilling your plan if you decide to accept them. Secondly, mistakes tell us what we are capable of, showing that we are not able to do. When you are ready to admit your efforts as a mistake, remember that Edison received a light bulb after only ten thousand attempts. Thirdly, a large number of errors result in scientific, business, architectural, creative inventions and discoveries. In addition, with the help of errors, you can understand something in yourself. Mistakes have a place in our lives.

Admit your mistakes. One of the best and most effective ways to respond to a mistake is to take responsibility for it, especially if it upsets, hurts, or bothers other people. And to admit a mistake would be nice if it bothers you or who you are trying to become, so try not to shift the blame to another. Stop running away from mistakes, otherwise they will continue to haunt you.

After that, try to make amends. It may be easier than it seems, unless pride holds you back. Read the second part of this article on how to admit your mistakes to a specific person.
- Read How to Make amends to delve into this topic.
Accept your behavior but don "t put yourself down. Instead of calling yourself a whole bunch of negative names, realize that while you could have done better / differently / more considerately than you did, perhaps mitigating factors such as tiredness, hunger, a sense of urgency, a desire to please, etc. overtook your more balanced self. Concentrate on how to deal with the underlying reason rather than on belittling your whole self. Accept your behavior, but do not criticize yourself. Instead of calling yourself names, understand that although you could have acted better / differently / more deliberately than you did, you may have had extenuating circumstances, for example, fatigue, hunger, rush, desire to please, etc., and they took you by surprise. Focus on how to deal with the root cause, rather than humiliate yourself.
- For example, you can tell yourself something like “In the future I will eat / get enough sleep / take into account all the factors / call a friend, etc. before making a difficult decision / draw conclusions / create a project, etc. "
Learn to move on. Looking back means drowning in negative thoughts about the past. You cannot change the past, but in the present you can live more consciously. Learn from your mistakes, but don't stop there. The next time you make a mistake, this understanding will help you see events in a different light.
Strive for excellence. Many people who are unable to admit mistakes suffer from the so-called “complex of excellence”. The pursuit of excellence can show that you have been floundering about your mistakes all your life, after which you will always feel demoralized. Instead, strive for excellence, but at the same time acknowledge that you are imperfect.
- You do not need to be the best at everything. You do not need to be the brightest, most lively, the most beautiful or the best dressed person in the company. If you think that you need to be the best, you will be swallowed by thoughts about your shortcomings, and almost everything that you do and how you act will seem wrong in your eyes.
- You are perfect as you are, and you can continue to learn and develop.
Warnings
- You cannot control the response of other people. However, you can make sure that you move on yourself.
- Stop punishing yourself for not being a good enough person or for making mistakes. You are good enough, and everyone in the past made mistakes on the path to excellence.
- Learn from your mistakes. Evaluate the mistake and how you can avoid it in the future. If you forget this incident, you will most likely be mistaken again.

It's time to make out another one. This time the written work contains a lot of speech errors, so do not use it as an example. The most interesting thing is that the author of this text is a fairly prepared graduate, and this fact allows us to draw a disappointing conclusion about the quality of speech of an average eleventh grader. But a simple statement of the problem will not solve, so let's analyze the shortcomings so that you remember them when writing your own texts. We will consider the errors after the essay, which I publish with minor corrections:

“Do I need to admit my own mistakes? Of course, each person will answer this question in his own way. In my opinion,if we make mistakes, we must acknowledge them. A person who knows how to admit his mistakes is trying to correct the situation and does not draw conclusions. And if you do not admit your guilt, then the person will not do pin 1,and in the future with the same mistake may meet again.

Let us turn to the story of M.A.Sholokhov. The protagonist of the work, Andrei Sokolov, is a man of honor who went through two wars and survived the terrible torment of captivity. Andrew committed his 2 error before sending to the front. When relatives saw off the hero, happens 3 unpleasant. Irina Sokolova mourned her husband and said that they would never see each other again, to which Andrei pushed Irina away. He could not listen to his wife burying him alive. Deep in his heart, the hero kept the hope that this was not their last meeting. Pushing his dearest man away, Andrei regrets what he did and cannot forget or forgive himself. He admits his mistake, but, unfortunately, it was already impossible to fix it.Irina Sokolova and two daughters died during the war. Andrei Sokolov made an irreparable mistake, and he will remember it for the rest of his life

Let us also recall one of the heroes of the novel by A.S. Pushkin. Unlike Andrei Sokolov, Alexey Shvabrin is a dishonorable person, capable of treason and betrayal. He commits many irreparable acts 5that endanger the lives of other people. The most significant mistake in the hero’s life is the transition to the side of the rebel Pugachev. This act of Schwabrin served as a betrayal 6 Homeland and all inhabitants of the Belogorsk fortress. Alexey Shvabrin himself is not aware of his mistakes, for him to make them is the norm. Alexey does not admit his mistakes and therefore does not draw conclusions, and most likely the hero can meet his failures again.

every 8mistakes made by us, we must answer for ourselves. A man who admits his mistakes deserves more respect than a man who renounces his guilt and does not consider himself guilty.

(322 words)

Notes:

BUT if you do not admit your guilt, then the person will not output 1 ...

Grammar error: make (whom? What?) output(V.p.), but not (whom? What?) output (R.p.)

In general, unjustified repetitions (tautology) are often found in the composition: “ If necessary to acknowledge own mistakes? Of course, each person will answer this question in his own way. In my opinion,if we make mistakes, we must to acknowledgethem. A man who can to acknowledge he’s trying to correct the situation and makes conclusions ... "

Andrew committed his 2 error before sending to the front.

Pleonasm (the use of an extra word): and so it is clear whose mistake Andrey makes.

When relatives saw off the hero, happens 3 unpleasant conversation for Andrei with his wife Irina 4.

Misuse of tense verb forms and word order leading to ambiguous understanding of a sentence.

Verb Use going on(non-current, current)in the main part of the SPP is inexpedient, since in terms and time this predicate should be correlated with the verb escorted (inconsistent, past)in the subordinate part. Right: " When the family escorted the hero, an unpleasant conversation occurred ... "

Unjustified violation of the word order ( unpleasant conversation for Andrei with his wife Irina) makes it difficult to understand the meaning of the sentence. Right: " conversation unpleasant for Andrey with his wife Irina "

He commits many irreparable acts 5

Lexical incompatibility: an error can be irreparable, but not an act.

This act of Schwabrin served as a betrayal 6 Homeland and all inhabitants of the Belogorsk fortress.

Speech error related to lexical incompatibility. This is not to say: "Served a betrayal." To correct a mistake, the proposal must be built differently. Even so: “The action of Shvabrin is a betrayal of the Motherland and ....”

Summing up the above, we can conclude that for every 8mistakes made by us, we must answer for ourselves.

We open the explanatory dictionary of D.N. Ushakov and read an article about the pronoun to every: 1) Everyone in this quantitative series, any of their own kind, recognized equal, and one and the other, and the third, etc.Is this meaning implied in the composition? No, here we are not talking about equivalent mistakes, but about everyone. So, right: “ Summing up the above, we can conclude that for all the mistakes made by us, we must answer for ourselves. ”

Psychologies:

Why is it so hard for us to accept that we were wrong?

Elliot Aronson:

Our brains are designed to protect our self-image as intelligent, moral, and competent people. And any indication that we are not like that causes great discomfort. The irony is that we, in an effort to maintain faith in our mind, morality and competence, do things that refute this.

Carol Tevris:

We justify not only our own actions, but also the views and beliefs that are especially important to us. That is why your friend, whom you joyfully tell: “Look, what irrefutable evidence I have found against your theory of parenting!” - will not thank you, do not even wait. And most likely, he will send it to hell with your proof. He will be impolite, but he will avoid having to react to your information, not to mention changing his point of view.

But do we even realize that we are doing this - are we justifying our actions and opinions?

K.T .:

No, we just feel right. This is what the brain requires - to keep our worldview integral and to protect our vision of ourselves.

E. A.:

The theory of cognitive dissonance explains this. A lot of research proves that people become uncomfortable when they realize that their views can be erroneous when they are forced to regret the decisions made or about something that makes them feel like idiots. Here is an example of such a dissonance: your conviction “I am a good person” is confronted with a simple fact: “I rarely visit my elderly parents and do not care about them like my younger brother does.” You unwittingly want to reduce the dissonance and say to yourself: “Okay, let the brother continue to think that he is doing generously.” Or like this: “I am more busy now than he is. In addition, my parents always helped him more with money than me. ”

Can such self-justification be destructive?

K.T .:

We know that self-justification can lead to aggression: "Brother always gets it all by itself, not like me." More interestingly, this aggression then leads to new self-justification. Since we ourselves can’t be jealous, envious and soulless, then definitely the other person deserves our reproaches: “Nick is still too lazy for such a high-paying job!” Finding an explanation for our actions, we allow ourselves to continue to do so.

How does such a need to explain everything to one’s benefit affect relationships?

E. A.:

Most quarrels in the family boil down to one scenario: "I'm right, but you're not." But if both partners stop considering their behavior to be the only right one, they will be able to weaken their self-defense and will be ready to hear the opinion of the other. And who knows, maybe they will even correct some of their mistakes.

K.T .:

We do not claim that we must necessarily agree with the version of events presented to others, or backtrack on any disagreement. All couples disagree on whose memory is better or how to raise children, for example. But if they learn to shift the focus of attention from who is right to how to solve this particular problem now, they will become much happier.

Are there those who find it more difficult to admit their mistakes than others?

E. A.:

Some people have a high, stable self-esteem, they are not so much dependent on the feeling of being right in everything. They can tell themselves: “I have made stupid things, but that does not make me a stupid person. We need to think about how to fix it. ” You know, almost everyone can learn this. This is not a rooted character trait, but an installation that is being developed.

In your famous book 1, you make a curious remark: many of us are hesitant to admit our mistakes because we are afraid to damage our reputation. It seems to us that other people will cease to love and respect us. But in reality, everything happens the other way around. Why is that?

E. A.:

Because we become more human, we cause sincere sympathy when we are thrown off the pedestal that we have erected for ourselves and our virtues. A doctor may think that his spotless reputation is more important than everything else, but we know that when doctors admit their mistakes — normal, human errors — patients will forgive them more likely and less likely to sue them. The same thing happens with violators of the law: if they dare to state that they have acted badly, the victims feel that they have been heard, and more often the charges are dropped.

What else besides respect do we receive by acknowledging our mistakes?

K.T .:

We can’t move forward in our work, we can’t improve, until we recognize what we are doing wrong at the moment, which needs improvement. Students who want to do science are taught to look not only for evidence of what they believe in, but also to refute their point of view. Can you imagine how much more successful and productive our life would be if we all did this? We would look at the world less biased, see things as they are, and not a distorted, curved mirror of self-justification.

We often level our apologies with excuses, an explanation of good reasons. Tell me, how is it better to do this, to admit your mistakes?

K.T .:

The point is to take responsibility for your actions. Separate your apologies from the reasons, at least first. Say my cousin was terribly offended by her brother, who had never visited her in the hospital when she was seriously ill. All his apologies boiled down to excuses: “I was wildly busy, so many things fell on me at once,” and this made her even more angry. All he needed to say was, “I was completely wrong. I see how it offended you. Sorry to leave you in trouble. ” Then he can explain why this happened. But first, he just needs to admit that he is wrong.

E. A.:

The simple “I made a mistake, I'm sorry” is of great importance for defusing the situation. It weakens anger and irritation and creates the conditions for solving the problem. Moreover, this works not only in family relationships or at work, but also in politics. Authorities often fear that by acknowledging their mistake, they will discover their failure and incompetence. On the contrary, an honest look at our mistakes and wrong decisions - without self-justification - makes us human. Competent enough to notice and correct his mistake.

Elliot Aronson - Leading American social psychologist, Ph.D. in psychology at Stanford University. Member of the editorial board of several well-known psychological journals.

Carol Tavris - A well-known social psychologist, author of several books, including Anger: The Underestimated Emotion (Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, Touchstone / Simon & Schuster, 1989).

1 K. Tevris, E. Aronson “Errors that were made (but not by me)” (Infotropic Media, 2012).

It was wrong, flushed up ....

How many of us have made no mistakes in our lives? And not only committed, and then regretted and tormented? I think there is no such person who would answer negatively to these questions.

For any person periodically. After all, only he who does nothing does not make a mistake. Although sometimes, in my opinion, this is the biggest mistake. Now I want to talk not about the mistakes themselves, but about their consequences. More precisely, on the correction of their negative consequences.

Is this really so?

It seems to us that an excess of pride disturbs. But it only seems, because in fact it is ....

Fear of being defeated, bad, stupid, unrecognized, rejected, unloved. People who do not know how to admit their mistakes are overcome by fear of loneliness and. They are the reason for the sometimes absurd upholding of an erroneous position. Some parents also do their part when they inspire the child: “Be that as it may, defend your point of view!”

Retreat, like any demonstration of "weakness," requires great strength. It is not in vain that they say that a strong and courageous person can admit his mistake, and a coward will persist. Although such “cowardice” is, rather, a misfortune of a person who seems to have publicly acknowledged his mistake, he becomes insecure, unstable, doubting, changing his mind. And since in his understanding all these are negative character traits, then, manifesting these qualities, he, as a result, becomes bad.

Only the answers to these questions will help to abandon stereotypes, realize the underlying causes that prevent one from recognizing mistakes, become more self-confident, stronger and more happy.
My newsletter
“Understand yourself, understand the other”

Acknowledgment of errors. How? The ability to admit your mistakes

Steps

Warnings