Admission of mistakes: how to learn to admit that you are wrong.

He was wrong, he broke ....

How many of us have made no mistakes in our lives? And not only committed, and then regretted and tormented? I think there is no such person who would answer negatively to these questions.

For any person periodically making mistakes is normal. After all, only he who does nothing does not make a mistake. Although sometimes, in my opinion, this is the biggest mistake. Now I want to talk not about the mistakes themselves, but about their consequences. More precisely, on the correction of their negative consequences.

The ability to admit one’s mistakes is a great virtue and a great art. Not everyone can be able to retreat, accept his mistake and correct it. Many people believe that by acknowledging a mistake, a person is weak.

Is this really so?

I think that every person has at least once found himself in a situation where he has defended his point of view with enviable persistence, although it was clear to himself and to all those around him that this position was wrong. Why is it so hard to admit your mistake, what prevents you from doing this?

It seems to us that an excess of pride disturbs. But it only seems, because behind it is actually fear ....

Fear of being defeated, bad, stupid, unrecognized, rejected, unloved. People who do not know how to admit their mistakes are overcome by fear of loneliness and uncertainty. They are the reason for the sometimes absurd upholding of an erroneous position. Some parents also do their part when they inspire the child: “Be that as it may, defend your point of view!”

According to most people, retreat is a sign of weakness. In fact, recognizing his mistake, a person assumes responsibility and admits that he does not know something, does not know. He becomes open, unprotected. And in combination with the fear of loneliness, this is a serious test for those who are not confident in themselves and their surroundings.

Retreat, like any demonstration of "weakness," requires great strength. It is not in vain that they say that a strong and courageous person can admit his mistake, and a coward will persist. Although such “cowardice” is, rather, a misfortune of a person who seems to have publicly acknowledged his mistake, he becomes insecure, unstable, doubting, changing his mind. And since in his understanding all these are negative character traits, then, manifesting these qualities, he, as a result, becomes bad.

In fact, we have come to the conclusion that for a person who does not know how to admit his mistakes, the problem is not in the errors themselves, but lies much deeper. If it is difficult for a person to admit and accept that he can make mistakes and do something wrong, you need to understand the settings that prevent him from doing this. You need to understand what causes discomfort and pain.

Only the answers to these questions will help to abandon stereotypes, realize the underlying causes that prevent one from recognizing mistakes, become more self-confident, stronger and more happy.

No matter how hard we try, sometimes we all turn out to be wrong. Admitting our own mistakes is not easy, so sometimes we continue to stubbornly stand our ground instead of looking the truth in the eye.

The cognitive dissonance

Our tendency to confirm our point of view makes us seek and find evidence of our own righteousness, even if they are not. In such situations, we experience what psychology calls cognitive dissonance. This is the discomfort of the collision of our attitudes, beliefs and ideas about ourselves, contradicting each other.

Suppose you consider yourself a good person. Rude to someone, you will feel very uncomfortable. To deal with this, you will begin to deny your wrong and seek excuses for your rudeness.

Why do we cling to our fallacies

Cognitive dissonance jeopardizes our perceptions. To reduce the feeling of discomfort, we are forced to either change our opinion of ourselves or admit that we are wrong. Of course, in most cases we choose the path of least resistance.

Perhaps you will try to get rid of the discomfort by finding an explanation for your mistake. Psychologist Leon Festinger put forward the theory of cognitive dissonance in the middle of the last century, when he studied a small religious community. Members of this community believed that on December 20, 1954, the end of the world would come, from which they would be able to escape on a flying saucer. In his book, “When the Prophecy Failed,” Festinger described how, after the failed apocalypse, sect members stubbornly continued to adhere to their beliefs, claiming that God simply decided to spare the people. Clinging to this explanation, sectarians dealt with cognitive dissonance.

The feeling of dissonance is very unpleasant, and we are trying our best to get rid of it. Apologizing, we admit that we are wrong and accept a dissonance, and this is rather painful.

According to research Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefitspersisting in our wrongness, we often feel better than when we acknowledge it. Scientists have noticed that those who refuse to apologize for their mistakes suffer less from reduced self-esteem, loss of authority and control over the situation than those who admit they are wrong and apologize.

Apologizing, we, as it were, hand over power to another person who can save us from embarrassment and us, or maybe not accept our apologies and add to our anguish. Those who choose not to apologize at first experience a sense of power and strength.

Such a feeling of one's own power seems very attractive, but in the long run it entails unpleasant consequences. Refusing to apologize for our mistakes, we jeopardize the trust on which the relationship is held, and we also drag out the conflict, accumulate aggression and incite a thirst for revenge.

Without admitting our mistakes, we reject constructive criticism, which helps us get rid of bad habits and become better.

Another study Who Accepts Responsibility for Their Transgressions?conducted by scientists from Stanford, showed that people are more willing to take responsibility for their mistakes when they are confident that they can change their own behavior. However, such confidence is not easy.

How to learn to admit your mistakes

The first thing to do is to learn to notice the manifestations of cognitive dissonance in yourself. As a rule, he makes himself felt embarrassed, stressed, disturbed, or guilty. These feelings do not necessarily mean that you are wrong. However, they clearly indicate that it would not hurt to look impartially at the situation and try to objectively answer the question whether you are right or not.

It is also worth learning to recognize your usual excuses and explanations. Remember situations in which you were wrong and knew about it, but tried to justify yourself in one way or another. Remember how you felt when you struggled to find rational reasons for your controversial behavior. The next time you experience these feelings, consider them an indicator of cognitive dissonance.

Do not forget that people tend to forgive much more often and more than it seems. Honesty and objectivity speak of you as an open person to deal with.

In situations where you are clearly wrong, by your unwillingness to admit that you are demonstrating a flaw. One who fiercely upholds his errors literally screams about his weakness.

The reader wrote to the editor: “ It is believed that in our culture it is not accepted to openly and honestly say that you were mistaken, or to admit that you do not own any topic. There is an excellent expression that one who does not work is not mistaken, but in reality people do not like to admit their mistakes, considering such an admission to be a demonstration of their incompetence or weakness. It’s also customary for us to demonstrate that you know everything, even if it’s far from being so.».

Zarplata.ru asked recruiters and employers how they teach staff to acknowledge their mistakes.

Olga Pavlova, co-owner of the company "Dog Pavlova":

We have the entire business process built on the design method of project management. And this method not only encourages mistakes - it is based on them. Accordingly, the ability to constructively make mistakes is so important for our company that we basically check it when hiring.

Of course, hiring a master of mistakes is a rare success. Mostly people come severely crippled by the school and university, or even the previous employer. How to teach ... Yes, as always, in battle, training and theoretical training. The case is difficult, but possible.

This is an immersion in our production culture, just stuffed with situations of recognition of errors. You can’t survive in it unless you learn. Probably, this is the “Thrown - swim” technique.

Before we quit, we check to see if a person has a chance to swim.

I take this opportunity to say hello to our entire education system. She has become so adept at etching people out of their innate ability to make mistakes and learn from their mistakes that few people survive before the bright moment of hiring, most break down along the way. Gip-gip-hooray, more infantiles with honors, fewer efficient specialists, you are on the right track, citizens of teacher-assistant professors!

Maxim Blazhkun, Head of Evart Corporation:
Everyone is mistaken, but it is important to acknowledge and correct their mistakes. I have a personal “limit” for errors, I always give a person three chances. 2 times you can forgive, but for the 3rd time, if you can’t cope, you need to say goodbye. Tolerate, to teach, it makes no sense. I can’t work with a person if I see that he stably does not recognize and does not correct his mistakes. I do not trust such an employee; he does not suit me. At the same time, I believe that people need to say goodbye correctly - not only to pay for the work that was done, but also to give a minimum bonus of + 10% -20% of the salary from above.
I do not like to fire people; I personally really don’t like it. But what to do when trust is lost, and the employee does not fulfill my tasks. Most likely, this is not because he is a poor worker, but because he is not competent.

To be honest, it's hard to remember when someone asked me for forgiveness recently. Business people - they are proud, they always consider themselves right. And in this I am no better than others, I am also a very stubborn and proud person. But I know that one does not have to go to extremes and uphold one’s opinion to the last. It’s bad that business people today forget Christian values: “There are no rules in business, there are only 2 options in business: either you hit or you eat.” But I believe that a businessman should be real, observe Christian values \u200b\u200band pay people salaries. This is more worthy than chasing and inventing reasons why you should not pay for the last month.

I personally apologized more than once and apologized. I do not think that this is something shameful and shows my weakness. Only a strong person with great will is able to ask for forgiveness. It is not easy to admit your mistake not only to business partners, but also to subordinates.

Alexander Rukin, partner of the founder of the online ecosystem of apartment renovations PriceRemont.ru and Yuri Goldberg, the store of ready-made designs for ReRooms:

You can motivate employees to admit mistakes stick and carrot method. Errors are intentional and random.

Any employee should acknowledge an unintentional mistake, it is simply beneficial for him, firstly. A mistake is when something goes wrong. This means that the leadership will understand the causes of the problem, and, nevertheless, the culprit will be identified and punished.

With intent, when employees intentionally violated technology, a business process or stole something, recognition, initially, as a rule, is out of the question. Let's argue, because if a person consciously went on to commit something reprehensible, it means that he automatically withheld the intention that originally arose from him. The employee came up with something, then - committed an act, deliberately went to the violation. I'm afraid that all that is possible here is to catch such an employee and give him a chance to correct the perfect, admit guilt, and repent.

Recently, in a new project, the co-founder and employee received a kickback in the procurement of raw materials - they bought wood and ash. So funny, they paid, they were about to leave, and the man remembered that he had “forgotten the umbrella” and returned to the counterparty’s office. Then, it turned out, they caught him - they just double-checked the prices. This employee referred to the reason for taking the kickback: he had to travel several times at his own expense on business trips in the Moscow region. The man referred to expenses, and also said that “the devil had beguiled”

Then, during the debriefing, several more employees went, as they say, into a split. An engineer, a technology developer, along with this manager, made claims: they are unnecessarily controlled, they want to remove them from operations and the development of a business unit. Often there are such overly creative engineers. When setting production on regular rails, they are completely unsuitable. And they are only suitable for work on breakthrough inventions. Suitable for laboratory research activities.

As a result, a new line of business for the manufacture of thermally modified wood has remained frozen so far. And the small team was invited to work in the penalty mode: to accomplish exploits in sales and business development, to receive a salary subject to receipt of revenue and well-coordinated work of the business unit. The essence of the method of working with the guilty is to give the last chance, to put in the most severe framework and the most difficult conditions. Who "messed up" - prove the right to continue to work as a feat. As you prove, we will return to work in a regular business, on the usual commercial front line, and now - penalties and management's expectation of a feat from a delinquent employee.

Alexey Volkov, CEO of Digital.Tools:

The most important method: the lack of punishment for having independently admitted a mistake. We created the appropriate conditions and said that the main task of working on mistakes is not to exert pressure on the employee, but to help him grow and work better.

We at one time singled out in a separate direction errors related to low qualifications of employees. The main point: in this case, it is not the employee who is to blame, but the company that understands the employee. The idea came to me that when the one who asks you for the result, and the one who teaches - in one person, works poorly. Thus, we divided the functionality of the leader and mentor. We have a trainer who constantly trains employees. And you can consult with him on a professional issue, without fear that this will lead to bad consequences.

The second tool is mirror audits. Employees involved in similar projects mutually check each other's work and give advice. They perceive themselves as equals. And to a colleague - as a person who came to help.

Much more complicated with errors related to personal qualities. Cowardice, laziness, etc. Situations when employees are afraid to admit their guilt, thinking not about the result, but about how they look, or just afraid to allow the thought that the error occurred through their fault. Here we look at the root of the problem by connecting a psychoanalyst who helps a person deal with the root cause. If the employee does not want to change after that, then most likely he will not stay with us.

Natalia Storozheva, General Director of the Center for Business and Career Development "Perspective":

The first recommendation, how to train employees to admit their mistakes, is for the manager to gather courage and admit his own mistakes. Because the bosses are also people, they are also periodically mistaken. Moreover, both in big and in small: they can also be late, not have time to deadline, forget flash drives, documents, forget to pay bills, etc. And if the leader has the courage to admit and apologize to his team or to his clients (in the presence of the team): “Yes. I was inaccurate, forgot, missed ... I was not organized enough, please forgive me, ”this is the best educational example for employees.
The second point is to never make fun of your employees for recognition. If a person decided to admit (it was he who did not attach the file in the letter, did not warn the client about the postponement of the meeting date), he must definitely explain what he was wrong with and how to avoid it in the future. Perhaps he needs additional awareness, additional access or authority. Or the error is systemic in nature, in this case there are not enough explanations, training is required.
That is, the best way to motivate to admit mistakes is not to scold, but to learn how to fix it, confirming this with our own example.

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The one who does nothing is not mistaken.

Theodore Roosevelt

To err is peculiar to every person. But not to admit your mistakes is the biggest mistake. This is the height of stubbornness, which is often confused with determination, although there is a big difference between these concepts.

Stubbornness - behaviorin which a person ignores the requirements of people to him, does not follow directions, does in vain.
Purposefulness is trait, which helps a person achieve set results.

Stubborn people are confused and condemned by others. Inability to integrate into society and unwillingness to acknowledge mistakes leads to conflicts. Personality becomes aggressive and withdrawn. She may have mental problems.

The ability to recognize one’s own mistakes is important for personal development. About how to develop it, we will tell in the article. Following the recommendations, you will learn to avoid conflicts, misunderstandings in communication and will be able to control emotions in any situation.

Why do people not admit their mistakes

Everyone knows the feelings caused by the recognition of their own mistakes. Shame, a feeling of personal defeat, fall. They stop many from recognizing in such situations.

The reasons for unwillingness to admit a mistake are external and internal.

External

These are circumstances that we cannot influence or are partially affecting. They are not dependent on us and can happen at any moment.

Damage to transport.
Bad weather conditions.
Late time.
Little baby at home.
Unseen circumstances.
Injury or accident.
Another person interfered.
Delay at work.
Disease.

Domestic

Cause	How does it manifest
	Defeat, but proud - what could be dumber for self-esteem and authority in the eyes of other people. Covering your guilt or mistake is a real defeat, and admitting, apologizing or correcting a mistake is a victory.
Fear of error	Many attach great importance to the opinions of others, are afraid to fall in the eyes of others, to be ridiculed and criticized. They may pay attention to your mistake, even bring it up for discussion. But this is not for long. Foreign blunders are quickly forgotten. Only we remember our mistakes, because only we experience them deeply.
	Complexes come from childhood. People are frightened by the prospect of being ridiculed, looking weak. Children hide fears behind cunning, up to lies. It carries over into adulthood. The Napoleon complex has a great influence when pride interferes in making the right decisions.
Fear of losing status	You need to realize your status personally, and not rely on someone else's opinion. It should be remembered that gaining status is always associated with errors and mistakes, this is inevitable. Accept it and get ready. A person moving forward tends to make mistakes.
	Dependence on the desire to act or look in the eyes of others ideally compels one to be guided by behavioral stereotypes, follow other people's ideals, conform to other people's ideas, and may even live a life different from one another.

Few decide to show their flaws, and seek an external reason for excuses. As a result, relief comes, shame does not crush, in the eyes of others justified. But only in the near future. If other mistakes follow, and the picture does not correct in the direction of recognizing errors, a person will lose confidence and respect in the eyes of others

In fact, the apparent defeat turns into a victory for the pleading guilty person, both in the eyes of other people and in their own. This is a sign of strength.

You need to be able to be flexible in relationships with people, in relation to the performance of professional tasks. If you get down to business, you are responsible for it too.

What are the consequences of this behavior?

The clash of internal attitudes that contradict each other leads to - psychological discomfort.

It is manifested by a painful perception of the situation, a sense of shame and leads to the search for ways to self-justify their mistakes. This is an attempt to relieve oneself of the burden of responsibility and shift it to circumstances or other people by stubbornly denying their wrong, sometimes even using cunning or deceit. This is the position of the victim.

Why admit mistakes

The moral development trend of society is such that people who are able to admit their mistakes enjoy great respect and honor. There are few strong people in spirit. They are in price, hold on tightly for them, they need them. After all, their honesty, a high level of self-criticism and willpower deserve absolute trust.

A defeat can always be turned into a victory: to correct a mistake, to do much better. And in the professional plane, such character traits will be highly appreciated. Confession of guilt relieves of psychological burden.

Anyone who knows how to admit that he is wrong, has the ability to control emotions, respect the opinions of others, be critical of himself and seek to correct his shortcomings.

For this, it is necessary to constantly develop and learn to accept constructive criticism.

How to learn to admit that is wrong

Most people are willing to accept apologies and forgive. After recognition, you need to reassure yourself internally, praise and stop practicing self-flagellation. Do not evaluate yourself and your behavior in general, but a single act.

There is an effective psychological exercise - "Mistake". It will help you learn to accept yourself with your own shortcomings, without fear of recognizing this to yourself and others. Especially if you are prone to exaggerated experiences, you see disaster in mistakes.

Step 1

To facilitate the adoption of one's own, even serious, mistake, it is necessary to express it in a ridiculous form. To say to yourself ironically: " Mistake" or " The error came out”, Accompanying what was said with a frivolous gesture of hands.
You can copy some kind of animated hero. You need to pronounce in a playful manner, while in a relaxed internal state.
To begin, say it out loud without witnesses or in the presence of friends. Bring to the level of the ritual. Then you can do it mentally.
After recognition, you will not want to engage in destructive self-criticism.

Step 2

Switch perception from negative to positive:

Mentally or truly hug your shoulders with your arms;
Say aloud or to yourself: “ I'm good". Or compose another phrase that carries the same semantic meaning.

Swearing, we turn on the system of self-defense. Learn to defend yourself with praise. Try to praise another person during a quarrel, and you will witness his transformation.

A person who has developed the ability to be stronger than pride and has learned to switch perception from negative to positive becomes a confident, independent and self-sufficient director of relations with people.

Step 3

Transition to action. Give yourself an installation: " Work". Get down to fixing the error. But first, apply the rule of error differentiation: separate minor mistakes from global, significant ones. Delete the former from memory, work on the latter so as not to repeat.

Learn to accept criticism, trust the advice and amendments of those people who are guidelines for you, in whose sincere and friendly attitude you are confident.

Also learn to resist the temptation to criticize others for all sorts of minor trifles. Apply the error differentiation rule. If you need to express a critical opinion, do it in essence, in a benevolent and condescending manner. Do not label personal characteristics of a person.

When and how to admit your own mistake

The main psychological attitudes:

Confess immediately at the moment of recognition of the error and your guilt. Do not delay, so as not to change your mind, giving in to doubts.
Confess categorically: “ Yes, it's my fault and is ready to bear responsibility". Video to the material
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He was wrong, flushed ...

How many of us have made no mistakes in our lives?

And not only committed, and then regretted and tormented?

I think there is no such person who would answer negatively to these questions.

For any person periodically.

After all, only he who does nothing does not make a mistake. Although sometimes, in my opinion, this is the biggest mistake. Now I want to talk not about the mistakes themselves, but about their consequences. More precisely, on the correction of their negative consequences.

Is it really so?

I think that every person has at least once found himself in a situation where with enviable persistence he defended his point of view, although it was clear to himself and to everyone around that this position was erroneous. Why is it so hard to admit your mistake, what prevents you from doing this?

It seems that an excess of pride disturbs us. But it only seems, because in fact it is ....

Fear of being defeated, bad, stupid, unrecognized, rejected, unloved. People who do not know how to admit their mistakes are overcome by fear of loneliness and. They are the reason for the sometimes absurd upholding of an erroneous position. Some parents also do their part when they inspire the child: “Be that as it may, defend your point of view!”

Retreat, like any demonstration of "weakness," requires great strength. It is not in vain that they say that a strong and courageous person can admit his mistake, and a coward will persist. Although such “cowardice” is, rather, a misfortune of a person who seems to have publicly acknowledged his mistake, he becomes insecure, unstable, doubting, changing his mind. And since in his understanding all these are negative character traits, then, manifesting these qualities, he, as a result, becomes bad.

In fact, we have come to the conclusion that for a person who does not know how to admit his mistakes, the problem is not in the errors themselves, but lies much deeper.

If it is difficult for a person to admit and accept that he can make mistakes and do something wrong, you need to understand the settings that prevent him from doing this. You need to understand what causes discomfort and pain.

Only the answers to these questions will help to abandon stereotypes, realize the underlying causes that prevent one from recognizing mistakes, become more self-confident, stronger and happier.