Admission of mistakes: how to learn to admit that you are wrong. Admitting a mistake - the ability to admit your mistakes

I had a leader, by the way, the best, probably who taught me very very much in life and business. He is a very progressive and fast person. Once he said in an insinuating tone: "Inability admit mistakes - the biggest problem!" I also wondered why such a man as he said so meekly and at the same time strongly. And I remembered this phrase because I respected it (it’s hard not to respect a person who manages to manage several billionth projects and at the same time lead an interesting and eventful life).

Then time passed, and the phrase spun in my head and I began to notice how many problems I had when I did not admit the error. There were a lot of them! It's like an evil rock, it turns out. Only earlier I did not pay attention to this. And then I began to notice that almost all people do not know how admit mistakes, even if they tell everyone and themselves that they know how.

After all, to admit a mistake is not only to tell someone: “I am not right or I am not right.” It is to realize that you are wrong, but it is already difficult. Because everyone has their own truth always and until the rooster pecks, we will fight for this truth, like a bull with a matador.

And you know what else I noticed over time. It is not necessary to read aloud that the error is understood and acknowledged. It is important to understand this for yourself and draw conclusions. Because it happens that when you acknowledge your mistake out loud you put yourself in a vulnerable position, so sometimes it is better to remain silent if possible. Or they don’t expect recognition from you, but you deliberately admit, thereby showing that “That's how good I am!” Well, if you’ve been pressed against the wall and you clearly see that you’re wrong, then it’s better to admit to yourself and out loud! It will be easier for you and everyone! And most importantly, do not leave yourself feeling guilty!

Cases are different and people are different. But work out and watch yourself for a week. How many times have you even admitted that you are wrong, if you are really wrong. Here, of course, the dilemma and discussion begins. But mind you, it always begins in an internal dialogue in favor of YOURSELF! And to be objective - sometimes it is worth taking a look from the side.

We often commit rash acts, which are then given away by pain or trouble. But it is human nature to make mistakes. However, the ability to admit one’s mistakes is simply necessary, otherwise our life may turn into endless digging. But how to do this without harming yourself and others?

shutr.bz

Error error is different. A mistake in a relationship with a man is different from a wrong tactic in doing business. But both can become fatal. Therefore, you always need to be alert and know how to fix it, or better, to prevent a critical step.

You should know - we are learning only on own mistakes, and what we lived, even if it’s wrong, gives invaluable experience. Well, what should not be done categorically is to repeat the same omissions again and again.

Let's look at some common mistakes we make in our lives.

Work errors

The manager by definition should be the smartest and most competent in his unit. The question arises: why then should he admit his mistakes, and even in the presence of subordinates? And in order to increase the efficiency of the entire team, so that work is based on principles. In those companies where the manager is afraid to talk about their mistakes, waterlogging, stagnation more often occurs, and the company loses its position in the market.

Also important for the company is the mistake of an ordinary employee. The well-being of dozens of people often depends on the employee’s ability to tell about his mistake to the authorities. The most commonplace example: a technician serving an airplane or other type of transport made a mistake and did not tell about it for fear of dismissal. His mistake may be worth the life of people. An operator’s mistake in a bank can lead to incorrect payments - again, people will suffer.

What to do? Confess a perfect jamb or fix it silently (but do not hide it with a message, but just do it as it should). Yes, there is a risk of provoking the wrath of the authorities and losing the bonus, or even the place of work. But is it better to live with a troubled conscience? And the boss, and perceiving this as a valuable experience, will be appreciated by his subordinates even more.

shutr.bz

Parental mistakes often cost children well-being in later life. The most common parental mistake is to impose your own way of thinking on children and choose a life path for them. Mom and Dad dream that their son should become a doctor or a lawyer, and the guy likes to make up his sister and her girlfriends and come up with outfits for them.

Horrified parents: what are you doing, some nonsense, a march to study chemistry with biology, otherwise you won’t become a doctor! Well, if the son rebels and goes his own way, and if not? The feeling of dissatisfaction with life is the least that is provided to him.

The mistakes of mothers and fathers are no less expensive when they let children’s questions drift. Difficult to answer, parents usually answer them that the first will come to mind. And then the child returns to them with different information and wonders how it is, because mom said ... Admit a mistake? But will this not drop parental authority in the eyes of a son or daughter? Yes, at first it will drop, but it's not scary. It is much worse to lose the trust of the child.

What to do? Recognizing that we are wrong, we give our children the understanding that parents who admit their mistakes are adults and smart people who can be respected and take an example from them. However, apologizing to the child, do not weaken the usual requirements for him. He must understand that an apology is a sign of spiritual strength, not weakness.

shutr.bz

The largest number of mistakes we make in a relationship. We approach the partner with our own standards and claims, demanding that he be perfect, and at the same time close our eyes to our own non-ideality. A smart person should be aware that both partners always contribute to the relationship. And the one who is wiser and who is more interested in smoothing out the conflict tries to admit his mistakes first. But, of course, in life everything is more complicated than in theory.

Feelings, especially negative ones, are not always able to quickly disappear. Often we are tempted to forgive us, but with a condition. Even if the partner accepts such conditions of reconciliation, it is quite possible that he will think very hard after that about the appropriateness of your relationship.

What to do? Firstly, you need to be able to convey to your partner your position without conflict. Secondly, you need to be sincere in your repentance. And thirdly, if you repented of perfect, you must firmly assimilate - you no longer have the right to such a mistake. And the most difficult thing is to admit your mistakes to yourself. It is very important that recognition does not turn into a vicious circular system.

shutr.bz

Recognition of errors should be the first step towards self-development, rather than complacency. So that this process does not turn into self-digging and self-destruction, it is worthwhile to carry out the following internal work with you:

Alone with yourself, calmly admit the fact that you did something wrong.
Analyze what happened. Do not stop at superficial circumstances, try to get to the bottom of the problem.
Consider for the future what needs to be done so that such situations no longer arise.

We hope our tips will help you figure it out if a difficult situation arises in your life.

No matter how hard we try, sometimes we all turn out to be wrong. Admitting our own mistakes is not easy, so sometimes we continue to stubbornly stand our ground instead of looking the truth in the eye.

The cognitive dissonance

Our tendency to confirm our point of view makes us seek and find evidence of our own righteousness, even if they are not. In such situations, we experience what psychology calls cognitive dissonance. This is the discomfort of the collision of our attitudes, beliefs and ideas about ourselves, contradicting each other.

Suppose you consider yourself a good person. Rude to someone, you will feel very uncomfortable. To deal with this, you will begin to deny your wrong and seek excuses for your rudeness.

Why do we cling to our fallacies

Cognitive dissonance jeopardizes our perceptions. To reduce the feeling of discomfort, we are forced to either change our opinion of ourselves or admit that we are wrong. Of course, in most cases we choose the path of least resistance.

Perhaps you will try to get rid of the discomfort by finding an explanation for your mistake. Psychologist Leon Festinger put forward the theory of cognitive dissonance in the middle of the last century, when he studied a small religious community. Members of this community believed that on December 20, 1954, the end of the world would come, from which they would be able to escape on a flying saucer. In his book, “When the Prophecy Failed,” Festinger described how, after the failed apocalypse, sect members stubbornly continued to adhere to their beliefs, claiming that God simply decided to spare the people. Clinging to this explanation, sectarians dealt with cognitive dissonance.

The feeling of dissonance is very unpleasant, and we are trying our best to get rid of it. Apologizing, we admit that we are wrong and accept a dissonance, and this is rather painful.

According to research Refusing to apologize can have psychological benefitspersisting in our wrongness, we often feel better than when we acknowledge it. Scientists have noticed that those who refuse to apologize for their mistakes suffer less from reduced self-esteem, loss of authority and control over the situation than those who admit they are wrong and apologize.

Apologizing, we, as it were, hand over power to another person who can save us from embarrassment and us, or maybe not accept our apologies and add to our anguish. Those who choose not to apologize at first experience a sense of power and strength.

Such a feeling of one's own power seems very attractive, but in the long run it entails unpleasant consequences. Refusing to apologize for our mistakes, we jeopardize the trust on which the relationship is held, and we also drag out the conflict, accumulate aggression and incite a thirst for revenge.

Without admitting our mistakes, we reject constructive criticism, which helps us get rid of bad habits and become better.

Another study Who Accepts Responsibility for Their Transgressions?conducted by scientists from Stanford, showed that people are more willing to take responsibility for their mistakes when they are confident that they can change their own behavior. However, such confidence is not easy.

How to learn to admit your mistakes

The first thing to do is to learn to notice the manifestations of cognitive dissonance in yourself. As a rule, he makes himself felt embarrassed, stressed, disturbed, or guilty. These feelings do not necessarily mean that you are wrong. However, they clearly indicate that it would not hurt to look impartially at the situation and try to objectively answer the question whether you are right or not.

It is also worth learning to recognize your usual excuses and explanations. Remember situations in which you were wrong and knew about it, but tried to justify yourself in one way or another. Remember how you felt when you struggled to find rational reasons for your controversial behavior. The next time you experience these feelings, consider them an indicator of cognitive dissonance.

Do not forget that people tend to forgive much more often and more than it seems. Honesty and objectivity speak of you as an open person to deal with.

In situations where you are clearly wrong, by your unwillingness to admit that you are demonstrating a flaw. One who fiercely upholds his errors literally screams about his weakness.

So, after a long break, the idea came up of writing this article. What will it be about? Let's talk about what often prevents us from moving forward, comprehending something new, and developing as a whole. And, paradoxical as it may be, the cause of the problems often lies in our desire to be right!

"... But still, I'm right!" - a phrase that has caused many conflicts, frustrated nerves and other negative consequences.

“Truth is born in dispute”- said some smart people, but I think he was only half right. In a dispute, truth is truly born if the people involved in the dispute seek the truth, rather than try to prove to each other that they are right.

Generally, why did I decide to write this article? Just because most of my life I always tried to prove to everyone and everything that “I AM RIGHT!” ... while I felt real pleasure when I was able to prove my truth to others.

The flip side of the coin was that I was experiencing “hellish torment” when I realized that in some situation I was wrong, but I did not have the courage to admit that I was wrong.

The ego is a nasty little thing, it makes you feel humiliated and defeated when you are “wrong” when you make a mistake. However, thank God over the years, there is some wisdom that helps to realize a very simple and comforting fact:

“It doesn't matter if you are right or wrong! It is important that you find the right option, even if through personal mistakes. Admitting an error frees you from your own fetters, which force you to follow an erroneous decision only with the goal of "being right to all evil."

When to admit that you were wrong (or at least stop trying to prove my case)?

1. When you are objectively wrong (i.e. some facts have come to light that suggest that you were wrong). Continuing to persist in this case is simply stupid !!! Tell your ego tsyts. To make mistakes is normal. By acknowledging a mistake, you become stronger, not weaker (as many people think). In contrast, failure to admit one's mistake is a sign of weakness.

2. When you see that your opponent cannot be persuaded. And indeed, is it worth wasting your nerves to prove to others that you are right (even if you are really right)? Maybe a person prefers to be mistaken! Are you ready to waste your nerves to break through the psychological protection of a person ?!

From my own experience I will say that this is a futile exercise. In addition, often the “right” solution simply does not exist. Each person has his own outlook on life, because it is his life!

If you can follow these two steps, then your life will be much calmer. By allowing other people to live their own lives, you allow yourself to live YOURSELF, without the need to prove to others your right to live the way you think is “right”!

“Your life is your rule” - A great idea that relieves from nervous shocks and stresses. Just remember that other people have the right to use the exact same rule!

Take a look at the USA, they are trying to impose on everyone their vision of the CORRECT construction of the state. So what? In my opinion, many countries hate the United States for their Dermokrasiya (oh, it was sealed ... democracy).

Trying to impose your CORRECT point of view on everyone, you push others away from you and become blind in relation to your own mistakes. Refuse such a “dermocratic” policy in your life.

Over the past 3-4 years, I have become somewhat wiser in this regard, due to which the number of conflicts in my life has decreased significantly. There are so many negative emotions in life, you should not provoke them yourself, allowing your EGO to prove your own right at every step.

Maybe I'm wrong; maybe I'm wrong. Tell me what you think about this in the comments.

The cognitive dissonance

Suppose you consider yourself a good person. Rude to someone, you will feel very uncomfortable. To deal with this, you will begin to deny your wrong and seek excuses for your rudeness.

Why do we cling to our fallacies

The feeling of dissonance is very unpleasant, and we are trying our best to get rid of it. Apologizing, we admit that we are wrong and accept a dissonance, and this is rather painful.

Without admitting our mistakes, we reject constructive criticism, which helps us get rid of bad habits and become better.

How to learn to admit your mistakes

Do not forget that people tend to forgive much more often and more than it seems. Honesty and objectivity speak of you as an open person to deal with.

In situations where you are clearly wrong, by your unwillingness to admit that you are demonstrating a flaw. One who fiercely upholds his errors literally screams about his weakness.