The recognition of errors as a tool for development. Why is it so hard to admit your mistakes and what to do about it

I had a leader, by the way, the best, probably who taught me very very much in life and business. He is a very progressive and fast person. Once he said in an insinuating tone: "Inability admit mistakes - the biggest problem!" I also wondered why such a man as he said so meekly and at the same time strongly. And I remembered this phrase because I respected it (it’s hard not to respect a person who manages to manage several billionth projects and at the same time lead an interesting and eventful life).

Then time passed, and the phrase spun in my head and I began to notice how many problems I had when I did not admit the error. There were a lot of them! It's like an evil rock, it turns out. Only earlier I did not pay attention to this. And then I began to notice that almost all people do not know how admit mistakes, even if they tell everyone and themselves that they know how.

After all, to admit a mistake is not only to tell someone: “I am not right or I am not right.” It is to realize that you are wrong, but it is already difficult. Because everyone has their own truth always and until the rooster pecks, we will fight for this truth, like a bull with a matador.

And you know what else I noticed over time. It is not necessary to read aloud that the error is understood and acknowledged. It is important to understand this for yourself and draw conclusions. Because it happens that when you acknowledge your mistake out loud you put yourself in a vulnerable position, so sometimes it is better to remain silent if possible. Or they don’t expect recognition from you, but you deliberately admit, thereby showing that “That's how good I am!” Well, if you’ve been pressed against the wall and you clearly see that you’re wrong, then it’s better to admit to yourself and out loud! It will be easier for you and everyone! And most importantly, do not leave yourself feeling guilty!

Cases are different and people are different. But work out and watch yourself for a week. How many times have you even admitted that you are wrong, if you are really wrong. Here, of course, the dilemma and discussion begins. But mind you, it always begins in an internal dialogue in favor of YOURSELF! And to be objective - sometimes it is worth taking a look from the side.

Recognizing your mistakes, you can avoid aggravation of relations. Do you admit your mistakes? Are you always right? It is worth sincerely apologizing for your excessive perseverance or awkwardness - and your work colleague, or your loved one will be subdued by your courtesy. He himself will begin to apologize and say that your fault, most likely, is not here. That this is just an awkward misunderstanding. Do not believe?

Try it yourself

An attempt to defend our mistakes speaks of the immaturity of character and, possibly, of our stupidity. Often we observe verbal battles in preschool children. The child defends its position at all costs: a fight or a scream. If the child is not prompted, and even worse, if the child constantly observes a stormy model of problem solving in his family (upholding his own right at all costs), then do not wait for good. Therefore, it is so important from childhood to teach children to admit their own mistakes.

We all have the right to make a mistake. No wonder they say: “Only he who does nothing is not mistaken.” And the more you take responsibility for yourself, the more cones will fall on your head. Because we learn everything in our lives by trial and error.

The older we get, the more we realize: all questions and problems can and should be solved calmly. Therefore, it is so important to get an attitude as a child: we learn to negotiate, we learn to listen and hear our interlocutor; learn to respect the opinions of others, while not losing the right to their own point of view.

The recognition of our own mistakes speaks of our maturity and wisdom.

Mistakes will be sure. They should not be afraid. Everyone makes mistakes. When I worked with kids, I often said this thought to my pupils: “All adults used to be small: both I and your parents. And we, too, were often mistaken. And we did not succeed all at once. Learning everything is unrealistic, but in something you will certainly become the best. For example, the best striker in his hockey team. And your brother may become a talented artist. Do not be afraid to make mistakes! We learn from mistakes. ”

And years later, already from personal observations, I want to say: such an installation is very effective. You just need to give the children, and the adult, tips:

While a person is alive, he works and studies, which means he has the right to make a mistake. The main thing: do not step on the same rake many times. We learn to analyze and gain experience, then skill is shown and talents are revealed. What is talent? This is a thousand drops of sweat and 5 drops of genius.
Wherever you are, with whom you communicate, always relate to others the way you would like to relate to you. Stay good people.

So you want to live surrounded by good, understanding, diverse, well-educated people. People who know how to admit their mistakes, and therefore know how to forgive the mistakes of others. And what is needed for this? Try to become yourself or such a person.

Here is a case in point

Elbert Hubbard receives an angry letter from his reader. It just breathes curses. Here is what the author’s answer looked like: “... If you think about it, I myself don’t quite agree with her (article). Not everything that I wrote yesterday is pleasant to me today. I am glad to know your opinion on this issue. The next time you find yourself in the neighborhood, be sure to visit us, and we will discuss this properly ... "

How can one be offended by the person who wrote such a disarming letter.

Politeness and tact of the city take. Recognizing our mistakes, our communication with opponents becomes useful and effective.

Hello dear friends! Have you ever seen in your life a man who in every possible way denies his guilt, trying to outweigh someone else? He simply does not know the truth itself about the recognition of errors.

First, let's see who is able to show courageously? The unequivocal answer is a courageous person who achieves absolutely any goals. Do you know why such a person quickly gets the result? He learns from his failures, tries to correct the situation by any means possible. And he succeeds.

When you act in this way, it becomes easier on the soul. All anger disappears, a person can even feel perfect! This is so important, because only this one funny and amazing feeling moves a person, and some impulse is felt from the inside. That's the good and wonderful habit of admitting your mistake.

Now let's talk about how a person can learn to admit his mistakes and gain maximum experience.

Error record. When you write down what exactly, specifically you did wrong, then, for sure, your mind will note this point in more detail. And thus, internal resistance will already be, and already, no matter how you want, you will no longer be able to step on the same rake. Therefore, get used to it, most likely, it will help. Learning is always to the rescue.
Speak directly, if you, for example, make a confession to any person. There is no need to conceal, it is necessary to say everything as it is. Save your precious time, and save yourself from the nerves ...

First understand that it is up to you. So no one is to blame for the fact that you were mistaken. Look into yourself, and then, probably, you will understand more than when you blame others for something. This is what a person who is confident in himself does, and thereby people relate to him much better, try to appoint him as the leader. Everyone wants to be trusted, but not everyone wants to fix their own flaw. Says: "it is better to resolve the issue as soon as possible, and the deal is with the end." Therefore, do not wait for any privileges, they will not exist at all if you do not change your nature in yourself.
Bring to such automatism that it would become a habit. Thus, you will replenish your arsenal with the most necessary thing. Only because of this can one advance up the steps to wealth, or simply prosperity. It will be much more useful if you start to apply the recognition of mistakes in your life as soon as possible, you don’t have to try to change yourself in the future, it will be much more difficult, because you will already have a formed body, head and soul. That is why, all the great geniuses of the world, unusually changed in childhood. And now take a quick look at their biography. What are you watching? They did not have problems, as such, which are very common in life. Why not try to do as they did?

Many had to observe the actions of a person who makes excuses. All his thoughts are aimed at catching on something else, to at least somehow stay afloat. Fortunately, if you think deeply on this topic, then only after that you can understand that the one who is looking for excuses is wrong.

This is the golden law - recognition of errors.

But most people do not resort to this kind of activity, but only believe their instinct. We are by nature, trusting, naive, trying to feel sorry for the weak, who simply is not worthy of help. All these shortcomings are eliminated if we start thinking, comparing, and finally, so that we don’t meet on the way, we need to restore the highest injustice, despite all sorts of difficulties and barriers.

Look around the world around you. What is happening there? Most seek excuses, and only a small fraction of them act most reasonably. After all, even if a small part of that group disappears, then there will be no leaders born at all. More precisely, they will break, their own mistake will ruin them. Who is watching you? Children, they eagerly adopt all your qualities, traits of character, and there is no place for all the benefits of which we at least have a little idea.

Recognition needs to be learned.

Set an example first, put a piece of your soul in the sprouts of the future generation. But they, in turn, will not forget this, and will try their best to grow further and develop.

There is such a category of people: they ruthlessly demand that others admit their mistakes. But they themselves do not do it at the same time. What then turns out? Quarrel, they do not understand each other, and simply are not able to enter into a strange position. To make the relationship more beautiful, better, you need to discuss that you will recognize everything, and if the partner does not do this, then just remind him.

If, however, refuses to tell the truth, then you should think: why do you have any kind of relationship with such a person? Once waiting on the way, only torment. Find a new friend, girlfriend. Such friends exist! And life will get better, from various troubles you will become happier.

Just recently, an interesting study was conducted. And it turned out one curious thing. If a person extraordinarily believes in the success of his work, then he manages to easily admit to the committed actions. And he who refuses to believe in anything, therefore, does not see any particular benefit for himself in making an admission of his own mistake. So what follows from all this? It is that the first category of such individuals has a number of advantages. They are able to influence people, decide the fate of the meeting in one word. What are the benefits of others? There is none of them.

You must admit, admitting the mistake, because it is so simple, you can even say “investigation,” reflected the whole essence and tore off all the masks, opening the way to the truth. And probably no one knows those scientists who carried out this. And no wonder, even the most authoritative magazines did not write about this. However, it does.

So the words of the people on whose side of the advantage sounds exactly like this: "Yes, I agree with you, I made a mistake. But I admit this to you without any pleasure from hiding, so you can fully rely on me. I’ll try henceforth, to speak openly. And without any fear, I will put all my strength into confessing faster and forget about this misunderstanding "You can hear sighs:" how so, "" anyway. " And as a rule, such words are pronounced weak.

Your preference falls on whom? Choosing between the two types, of course, is for you. It is enough just to decide once, and you will not be exposed to doubts anymore.

He was wrong, flushed ...

How many of us have made no mistakes in our lives?

And not only committed, and then regretted and tormented?

I think there is no such person who would answer negatively to these questions.

For any person periodically making mistakes is normal.

After all, only he who does nothing does not make a mistake. Although sometimes, in my opinion, this is the biggest mistake. Now I want to talk not about the mistakes themselves, but about their consequences. More precisely, on the correction of their negative consequences.

The ability to admit one’s mistakes is a great virtue and a great art. Not everyone can be able to retreat, accept his mistake and correct it. Many people believe that by acknowledging a mistake, a person is weak.

Is this really so?

I think that every person has at least once found himself in a situation where he has defended his point of view with enviable persistence, although it was clear to himself and to all those around him that this position was wrong. Why is it so hard to admit your mistake, what prevents you from doing this?

It seems to us that an excess of pride disturbs. But this only seems to be because actually fear….

Fear of being defeated, bad, stupid, unrecognized, rejected, unloved. People who do not know how to admit their mistakes are overcome by fear of loneliness and uncertainty. They are the reason for the sometimes absurd upholding of an erroneous position. Some parents also do their part when they inspire the child: “Be that as it may, defend your point of view!”

According to most people, retreat is a sign of weakness. In fact, recognizing his mistake, a person assumes responsibility and admits that he does not know something, does not know. He becomes open, unprotected. And in combination with the fear of loneliness, this is a serious test for those who are not confident in themselves and their surroundings.

Retreat, like any demonstration of "weakness," requires great strength. It is not in vain that they say that a strong and courageous person can admit his mistake, and a coward will persist. Although such “cowardice” is, rather, a misfortune of a person who seems to have publicly acknowledged his mistake, he becomes insecure, unstable, doubting, changing his mind. And since in his understanding all these are negative character traits, then, manifesting these qualities, he, as a result, becomes bad.

In fact, we have come to the conclusion that for a person who does not know how to admit his mistakes, the problem is not in the errors themselves, but lies much deeper.

If it is difficult for a person to admit and accept that he can make mistakes and do something wrong, you need to understand the settings that prevent him from doing this. You need to understand what causes discomfort and pain.

Only the answers to these questions will help to abandon stereotypes, realize the underlying causes that prevent one from recognizing mistakes, become more self-confident, stronger and more happy.

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The one who does nothing is not mistaken.

Theodore Roosevelt

To err is peculiar to every person. But not to admit your mistakes is the biggest mistake. This is the height of stubbornness, which is often confused with determination, although there is a big difference between these concepts.

Stubbornness - behaviorin which a person ignores the requirements of people to him, does not follow directions, does in vain.
Purposefulness is trait, which helps a person achieve set results.

Stubborn people are confused and condemned by others. Inability to integrate into society and unwillingness to acknowledge mistakes leads to conflicts. Personality becomes aggressive and withdrawn. She may have mental problems.

The ability to recognize one’s own mistakes is important for personal development. About how to develop it, we will tell in the article. Following the recommendations, you will learn to avoid conflicts, misunderstandings in communication and will be able to control emotions in any situation.

Why do people not admit their mistakes

Everyone knows the feelings caused by the recognition of their own mistakes. Shame, a feeling of personal defeat, fall. They stop many from recognizing in such situations.

The reasons for unwillingness to admit a mistake are external and internal.

External

These are circumstances that we cannot influence or are partially affecting. They are not dependent on us and can happen at any moment.

Damage to transport.
Bad weather conditions.
Late time.
Little baby at home.
Unseen circumstances.
Injury or accident.
Another person interfered.
Delay at work.
Disease.

Domestic

Cause	How does it manifest
	Defeat, but proud - what could be dumber for self-esteem and authority in the eyes of other people. Covering your guilt or mistake is a real defeat, and admitting, apologizing or correcting a mistake is a victory.
Fear of error	Many attach great importance to the opinions of others, are afraid to fall in the eyes of others, to be ridiculed and criticized. They may pay attention to your mistake, even bring it up for discussion. But this is not for long. Foreign blunders are quickly forgotten. Only we remember our mistakes, because only we experience them deeply.
	Complexes come from childhood. People are frightened by the prospect of being ridiculed, looking weak. Children hide fears behind cunning, up to lies. It carries over into adulthood. The Napoleon complex has a great influence when pride interferes in making the right decisions.
Fear of losing status	You need to realize your status personally, and not rely on someone else's opinion. It should be remembered that gaining status is always associated with errors and mistakes, this is inevitable. Accept it and get ready. A person moving forward tends to make mistakes.
	Dependence on the desire to act or look in the eyes of others ideally compels one to be guided by behavioral stereotypes, follow other people's ideals, conform to other people's ideas, and may even live a life different from one another.

Few decide to show their flaws, and seek an external reason for excuses. As a result, relief comes, shame does not crush, in the eyes of others justified. But only in the near future. If other mistakes follow, and the picture does not correct in the direction of recognizing errors, a person will lose confidence and respect in the eyes of others

In fact, the apparent defeat turns into a victory for the pleading guilty person, both in the eyes of other people and in their own. This is a sign of strength.

You need to be able to be flexible in relationships with people, in relation to the performance of professional tasks. If you get down to business, you are responsible for it too.

What are the consequences of this behavior?

The clash of internal attitudes that contradict each other leads to - psychological discomfort.

It is manifested by a painful perception of the situation, a sense of shame and leads to the search for ways to self-justify their mistakes. This is an attempt to relieve oneself of the burden of responsibility and shift it to circumstances or other people by stubbornly denying their wrong, sometimes even using cunning or deceit. This is the position of the victim.

Why admit mistakes

The moral development trend of society is such that people who are able to admit their mistakes enjoy great respect and honor. There are few strong people in spirit. They are in price, hold on tightly for them, they need them. After all, their honesty, a high level of self-criticism and willpower deserve absolute trust.

A defeat can always be turned into a victory: to correct a mistake, to do much better. And in the professional plane, such character traits will be highly appreciated. Confession of guilt relieves of psychological burden.

Anyone who knows how to admit that he is wrong, has the ability to control emotions, respect the opinions of others, be critical of himself and seek to correct his shortcomings.

For this, it is necessary to constantly develop and learn to accept constructive criticism.

How to learn to admit that is wrong

Most people are willing to accept apologies and forgive. After recognition, you need to reassure yourself internally, praise and stop practicing self-flagellation. Do not evaluate yourself and your behavior in general, but a single act.

There is an effective psychological exercise - "Mistake". It will help you learn to accept yourself with your own shortcomings, without fear of recognizing this to yourself and others. Especially if you are prone to exaggerated experiences, you see disaster in mistakes.

Step 1

To facilitate the adoption of one's own, even serious, mistake, it is necessary to express it in a ridiculous form. To say to yourself ironically: " Mistake" or " The error came out”, Accompanying what was said with a frivolous gesture of hands.
You can copy some kind of animated hero. You need to pronounce in a playful manner, while in a relaxed internal state.
To begin, say it out loud without witnesses or in the presence of friends. Bring to the level of the ritual. Then you can do it mentally.
After recognition, you will not want to engage in destructive self-criticism.

Step 2

Switch perception from negative to positive:

Mentally or truly hug your shoulders with your arms;
Say aloud or to yourself: “ I'm good". Or compose another phrase that carries the same semantic meaning.

Swearing, we turn on the system of self-defense. Learn to defend yourself with praise. Try to praise another person during a quarrel, and you will witness his transformation.

A person who has developed the ability to be stronger than pride and has learned to switch perception from negative to positive becomes a confident, independent and self-sufficient director of relations with people.

Step 3

Transition to action. Give yourself the setting: " Work". Get down to fixing the error. But first, apply the rule of error differentiation: separate minor mistakes from global, significant ones. Delete the former from memory, work on the latter so as not to repeat.

Learn to accept criticism, trust the advice and amendments of those people who are guidelines for you, in whose sincere and friendly attitude you are confident.

Also learn to resist the temptation to criticize others for all sorts of minor trifles. Apply the error differentiation rule. If you need to express a critical opinion, do it in essence, in a benevolent and condescending manner. Do not label personal characteristics of a person.

When and how to admit your own mistake

The main psychological attitudes:

Confess immediately at the moment of recognition of the error and your guilt. Do not delay, so as not to change your mind, giving in to doubts.
Confess categorically: “ Yes, it's my fault and is ready to bear responsibility". Video to the material
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