Signs of hidden manipulation. How to recognize and protect against manipulation
All of us at least once in our lives have come across people trying to influence us in order to achieve our own goals. Playing on our feelings, they manipulate us, achieving what we want. Such people are manipulators. How to recognize them and how to resist them?
Man manipulator - who is he
Analyze the behavior of your friends, perhaps among them there are those who shamelessly use you for their own selfish purposes. There are several types of manipulators:
- Dictators seek to influence their prey with orders, dominance. They often quote the statements of famous people in order to achieve submission using the authority of others.
- The opposite of dictators is rags. Such people tend to pursue their own demonstration of personal hypersensitivity. They often forget, prefer not to hear comments and passively be silent.
- The manipulator-calculator strives to keep everyone under control. Moreover, he himself does not hesitate to deceive and evade. Due to his tendency to deceive, he also suspects others of lies and constantly double-checks.
- Sticking - this is the person who prefers is in a dependent position. He wants to be surrounded by care and attention.
- A bully demonstrates his aggression, threatens, acts cruelly with others and thereby achieves the desired.
- The antipode of a bully is considered a nice guy. He prefers to act by showing exaggerated care and attention. A nice guy just chokes with his love.
- The manipulator judge prefers to blame everyone, he is always full of indignation.
- Opposite methods are the manipulator-protector. He is always condescending to the mistakes of others and emphasizes everyone with emphasis.
How to recognize a manipulator
Determining what you want to use is not so simple. After all, the manipulator always seeks to hide his selfish intent. He will weave a web around his victim until she herself presents him with what she wants. To act openly is not in the nature of the manipulator. But still there are a few characteristic features by which they can be recognized.
Such people are always consistent. They adhere to the rule that once a person has promised something, he must fulfill it. At the same time, the changed circumstances and other arguments are not taken into account. Manipulators often use information about the wishes and needs of their victims, which allows them to achieve what they want. For example, hinting to a person that he has the opportunity to fulfill the old desire of the victim, then throw him with his requests. A person begins to feel obligated and fulfills the desires of the manipulator, paying for the promised benefits.
Manipulators are very fond of exploiting such positive traits of a person as decency and honesty, integrity and integrity. Especially the manipulators' favorite technique is the exchange of courtesies. Having made a trifle for his victim, for example, having bought pies for lunch, the manipulator will definitely ask for a response service. At the same time, this response will necessarily be on a larger scale than the purchased pies. For example, please stand by instead.
Signs of manipulation
The psychological pressure that the manipulator exerts on you is very difficult to notice. You must listen to your feelings. The surest sign of manipulation is guilt. You know that you are not doing anything wrong, but you all feel guilty when dealing with a person. This sensation is the first sign of manipulation. Be careful, they are trying to deceive you!
Another sure sign of a trap being set is anxiety. You implicitly feel the danger when talking with a seemingly nice interlocutor. These two feelings give rise to responsibility. You begin to realize your dependence on the manipulator, to lose its location. As a result, you fulfill all his requirements, trying to please him, sometimes contrary to your desires and benefits.
Manipulation protection
After realizing the fact that they are trying to manipulate you, try to take retaliatory measures to protect your interests. To begin, break the contact with the manipulator. You can simply interrupt the conversation, thus avoiding an uncomfortable conversation.
Another way is to pretend not to understand. Thus, you force the manipulator to more clearly explain the motives of his actions. You will achieve the same effect by directly asking the manipulator about his desire. As an option, you can voice this desire yourself, if you have figured it out. For example, ask this question: "I understand correctly, you want to get from me ...?"
If you are required to make an immediate decision, in no case do this. Just take note of the information and set aside the decision for later. Do not go about your own, always keep your own desires in sight, stay away from too amiable offers.
A good way to protect yourself from manipulation is to refuse without explanation. Do not enter into disputes with the manipulator and do not explain to him the reasons for your refusal. So you will give him a field for activity, and he will be able to entangle you with his web.
The girl went into the shoe store sneakers to see. Just take a closer look! To find out what, by what, what are the current prices, models, colors, etc. And I immediately fell into the clutches of professionals. Pleasant atmosphere, cheerful music - everything had to linger in the store longer. The seller, a young man, just a “charm”, immediately asked: “What kind of sneakers will we measure?” He put on shoes on a leg, allowed him to run on a treadmill, presented a keychain, and introduced him to the store director who had a birthday. The Frozen Princess thawed - she decided to buy sneakers. Honestly, not quite the way she wanted, but in addition to them - a halo of pleasant memories. Moreover, a credit card allowed you to make a purchase without much thought.
Directly a classic of the genre! Specialists in sales techniques did not make a single mistake: they created the illusion of choice, surrounded with love and attention, provided small services. What normal person does not repay them the same, doesn’t do a good deed - doesn’t he buy the thing imposed on him? Read Robert Chaldini's book Psychology of Influence, and you will understand and see how such manipulations are performed in life.
Ten years ago, the topic “Learning to say NO!” Was very popular in psychological trainings. The totalitarian Soviet past affected the rule of survival for all: “Better not lean out!” In this regard, I recall one anecdotal case. In the international camp, the children were given the task of making something funny out of pine cones. Each child made what he could: who is a kid, who is an ostrich, etc. And only in the Soviet group did all the children, as one, make hedgehogs.
Other times came, and with them - mores. The current generation of “nulls” is fundamentally different from the previous one: children do what they want, are not afraid to give interviews, they can object to the older generation so that it doesn’t seem to anyone. Modern youth is distinguished by pragmatism, egocentrism, the ability to firmly defend their interests. However, this does not prevent young people from falling into psychological traps set by someone. After all, manipulative practices are also developing: many of them can be learned from sales training.
How to recognize a human manipulator
Let's start with the concept. Man-manipulator is a subject that uses the needs of other people to achieve personal goals. It would seem that there is something unusual? We all use each other a little. The whole difference is that a manipulator person achieves the desired secretly, that is, he never reveals to another person the true motive for his communication with him. Simply put, uses his interlocutor in vain. Examples from life. A friend came to visit ostensibly in order to chat, in fact, she was waiting for a reason to sell you another portion of cosmetics. The boss starts the conversation with compliments, so that it would be more inconvenient for you to refuse a small request, etc.
Often in life there is such a situation. One person told another how badly someone else spoke of him. The comrade begins to worry, quietly hate his "anonymous", etc. And all that was needed was to think: "Why did they tell me this unpleasant story?" After all, they could not tell, even if it is true. As already mentioned, we often become honest when we do not want to be kind. So there was some purpose? "True friend" wanted a quarrel. Perhaps he has the very stigma in the cannon, or maybe he is a scheming man (who feels his need for the world only when the world near it collapses).
Honestly, manipulation is manipulation of discord. In life, there are such manipulators - you cannot go around them on any mare! It seems that people have studied this skill for more than one year ... It's about professionals.
For example, let's go through the clothing market. Here is a middle-aged woman trying on a thing she liked. The seller with a bright red nose tells her: “Yes, it's cold outside ... The sweater is soft and fluffy. And how does he suit you! ” This technique of fooling customers in the language of experts is called "joining." What is the point? One truthful phrase clings to another, corresponding to reality, as a result, the third phrase (already of dubious origin) is automatically perceived as truth. The client is not aware of the catch, according to a nod of his head, because it is difficult to say “no” if he said “yes!” Two times before.
This also includes statements such as: “The longer you look in the mirror, the more you understand that this dress suits you very much”, “As soon as you buy this vacuum cleaner, you will forget about half of your problems”, etc. There is an elementary substitution of concepts: the second action (sensation, feeling) does not follow from the first, but a person does not realize this for the time being.
Why do all these manipulative tricks work? Because three main psychological needs of a person are put under attack: belonging to a group, love and respect of other people, self-esteem of a person. We can say that with one blow, three balls are scored into a pocket at once! True, the fourth, highest human need remains behind - the realization of his own personal project. Hence, this feeling of being a “robot”, “a cash cow”, “a rug for Bobik”, etc. A filthy feeling in one’s soul after fulfilling someone’s request is a clear sign that they simply “used” a person.
Other manipulations are known. We encounter some of them almost every day. For example, using the good feelings of people in someone’s selfish interests. As a rule, they put pressure on pity, compassion for children, the elderly, love for the motherland. Examples are well-known: “Good people, give money to treat a child”, “Have you thought about the old people?”, “We will clean the city with our own hands, because we love it!”. Manipulators generally like to use the theme of love, friendship, fidelity for their selfish purposes. Quite often: "Dear, I ask you, do it if you love me" or "I think how you friend will not refuse me." At the same time, not wasting himself ...
In terms of behavior, nothing is more like a clear conscience than its complete absence.
R. Ruven
Is it possible to somehow resist the charming effects of a human manipulator? Can. But first, find out why this is necessary to do ...
The fact is that a person, an object of manipulation, intuitively feels: he is doing what he, in principle, would not want. For example, he buys goods he doesn’t need, goes where he wasn’t going, says what he wanted to keep secret, etc. This happens once, twice ... His unfulfilled desires are “stuffed” into the subconscious, like unnecessary things in the far drawer. Junk accumulates, negative psychic energy accumulates, and one fine day a person simply wedges from its excess. A quiet, obedient child turns into a hysteria, the husband leaves the family for a quiet “gray mouse” that loves him, betrays one another, etc.
The imposed service also carries a certain negative. A thing bought without desire quickly breaks down, money received by deception easily leaves, etc. Good sellers know that it’s more expensive to fool a customer! Therefore, they let him go in peace if they notice that a person is not morally ready to complete a deal. Experts advise just not to make emotional purchases. No wonder they say: "A good purchase needs to be slept."
How to prevent someone else's influence on you
There is only one way - to mirror the psychological tricks of the enemy in their behavior. You talk about extra spending on life, how expensive everything is today, and you need money just a bit - you agree that living is not easy, and in response lists your problems. Evidence of love is required of you, you reply in the same way: "And if you love me, you promise me that you will never ask about it again." The most important thing is not to give up, to believe that you are doing absolutely right - from all points of view. And then a surprise awaits you! The manipulator man will throw off the mask of the “good man” and appear before you “in the image of the beast”: predatory, arrogant and evil. Which once again proves one axiom: "A person who is dodgy in words and a smile is usually unkind." It seems that this rule is valid at all times!
Comment on the article "How to recognize that you are being manipulated"
How to recognize that you are being manipulated. How to recognize a person - a manipulator. Let's start with the concept.
Discussion
malevolence + implementation \u003d covars
02.06.2018 09:16:31, &&&A person more intelligent and / or cynical than I expect from him can become insidious. Those. creating in me a "treacherous situation" cognitive dissonance)) towards his greater mind and cynicism)
So far, God has mercy. Although generally glad to make a mistake in a person towards his greater mind)
Mom and Dad can forgive the young manipulator, they can even admire the cunning and How to recognize a home tyrant in a prosperous family. A father who wanted to see his daughter ...
Discussion
Manipulation is a useful tool at first glance, the benefit is obvious. But the risk is great. If a person understands that they are manipulating, then the “return” can exceed all the bonuses.
If the family encourages the habit of manipulating, then ... Mom and dad can forgive the young manipulator, they can even admire the cunning and subtlety of execution, but in "free swimming" the child can get a firm grip on the brain for such a "cute" habit.
To manipulate, as well as to steal, it is necessary either skillfully, or in any way.
In our family - nothing. At least consciously.
I watched the film, by the way. Grotesque.
no, I don’t play. I stop on the machine. Always and with everyone.
The true manipulator himself practically believes what he is saying. Included in the role. How to recognize a home tyrant in a prosperous family. Encyclopedia of manipulation.
Discussion
Example. Gave Temko in girls "Music to whom", comments 0. I can re-post with the title: "And what kind of dress is on the lady on the right? Is it a chest or a drawing?" and tryndets will begin. But I do not want. Let only those who believe my taste will open.
I’ll go manipulate and the husband himself will start asking me for an exhibition.
The most popular, in my opinion, pretending to be sick: pressure, heart, etc.
Still pretend to be unhappy, because her husband is a drunk. And who, if not a child, should console.
The right to choose: where WE will celebrate the New Year, with us or with you?
"Feeding" an over-age child.
Flattery (mine!): What a fellow you are, helped me carry bags, wash dishes, vacuum, etc. No one has such a son. How lucky I am.
Impact on conscience: how do you not feel ashamed .....
Threats: if you don’t do it, you won’t get it.
Actions aimed at pride and vanity: you cannot lose to Petya.
What to do with the manipulator for 8 years ?. ... I find it difficult to choose a section. Child psychology. Cheto do with the manipulator for 8 years? There is a second-grader child of 8 years. The chart, with ...
Discussion
Love is what. And you - brought up. Unstable nervous system + dislike \u003d suicides, tantrums, deviant behavior. Just do not verbally tell how you love him. Prove it better. There is too much control now. I read below that you write about him. It seems to me that you and he are just different people, the personality is different, hence the global incompatibility. This is for you he - a “dohlik”, a tantrum, a manipulator, a liar, dependent on the opinions of others - in general, a nightmarish personality that needs to be corrected. And for himself, he is a very good person who is not understood. So, the characters did not agree. This is really very scary - when in childhood a person depends on parents who are completely different, not like him, but just different. Not all parents are ready to accept and love a person as he is - sometimes, if they see any differences between him and himself, they begin to make a person out of him, educate, correct his shortcomings.
It will be even worse - when the younger is born, very similar to you with your father, whom it will be very easy to love. In general, if everything continues in the same vein - "not my beloved and respected son lives in my house, but hysterics and a manipulator" - then in his teens he will be at risk for alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc.
it’s very difficult to believe that this is not a wiring, really, really ....
But if not wiring - leave the child with yoga, pool and English, all this is hysteria / manipulation, etc. - he takes revenge on you for trying to make a "trained monkey" out of him. And here I am completely on his side, I would also “kill” such parents
mother-in-law-manipulator. Relatives. Family relationships. My mother-in-law is just a clever manipulator. I have no more strength!
Discussion
i think you're just jealous. it’s not bad, it just bothers you. I propose to make myself a disease, too, and in similar ways to fall into attacks.
03/01/2006 21:22:50, yepI don’t know, I usually tell my husband that I think so that he doesn’t have any unnecessary questions why, for example, I didn’t want to talk with his grandmother for a while or something. And at the expense of visits - don’t go like that, that’s the problem, he’s the son — let him go and congratulate you while you’re offended, it’s better not to communicate, why bother each other? But, of course, all this must be done under a plausible pretext, it is not worth entering into an open confrontation. And the fact that a person manipulates his other health, this happens quite often .. there are such people who love to "play up" on other people's emotions, it’s difficult to really struggle with this, just step back and not trust any secrets ..
How to live with the manipulator ??. Wife and husband. Family relationships. How to recognize that you are being manipulated. A quiet, obedient child turns into a tantrum, the husband leaves the family to ...
Discussion
While I was reading all the statements, I remembered YOUR case (and I thought - maybe the "dog is buried" here?). The reason for my act was the absolute inattention of my husband to me, I only heard from him: “Mom, Mom, Mom ... ..” (ie my mother-in-law) against the background of the unexpectedly furious-hurricane passion for me of my former colleague (I quit from there). This former colleague was looking for my company every day, and something incredible began to happen between us (passion, probably). Conversations, coffee, we began to miss, and he zealously began to invite me to a restaurant. To which I, a faithful wife, offended, refused him. But he did not retreat, and this lasted for two or three months. Once (while my husband drinks only on holidays) when I walked from work, I ran into my husband, well, just NO, he was escorted by a friend from work who had a party about buying an apartment. My husband did not let me sleep until almost in the morning - he had health problems. I thought, why I refuse for several months to a man who just sometimes drives me crazy, and my husband gets drunk at work without me for no reason? And I told him that we had an evening at work, and I went to the restaurant with MCH (I note that it was fabulous, but my husband was very worried, since I returned late).
So I thought, if your husband just wanted to meet with friends, then maybe he wouldn’t have such a scandal, maybe a woman was involved, then there’s a reason, really, just the most lawless person would do that. But this is probably not important for you ...
Yes-ah ... All these manipulators in the main look like two drops of water. I had a similar character. My findings:
1) the complex of guilt in you is lovingly nurtured for one simple reason: its insecurity in its own strength / irresistibility / sexuality, etc. (it must be emphasized). Because, if you are to blame for the circle, then it becomes easier to manipulate you (naturally, to achieve your goals) - a vicious circle.
2) he is afraid of losing you (even without IMHO, I'm just sure of that), which is why you are regularly informed that you are hysterical, scandalous, always crying, it is impossible to live with you, etc. Subtext: she will be sure that NO ONE is needed, except for his only one (and even that, he just condescended to her, because he loves very much, supposedly) and NEVER will get away from him.
3) his pride and pride are amused: you always ask for forgiveness, even if you are not to blame. For primitivists, the phrase "the one who comes first is to blame" is always relevant.
Try to beat at least one situation not according to the traditional scenario. No matter how, the main thing is different. In manipulators, such actions coolly knock out the soil from under the feet. This is if the need to maintain such a relationship is very great.
But, believe me, you should not live with it and try to do something. Because there are simply normal relations between a man and a woman without any such tricks, no matter how you now doubt it. The case described in the topic is probably just the tiny part of the iceberg that you slightly opened. And the fact that you now understood the whole background of his actions already suggests that you are on the right track: 0) I wish you good luck. It’s very difficult to get rid of such people, they will never let go of their sacrifice in peace, just like that, without completely exhausting all the nerves, they know how to “put pressure on the psyche”, besides they studied you very well, they know all the sore spots and they won’t take advantage of it . But they wrote to you correctly, that only when you are free you will understand the nightmare you lived in. And that there is a much more enjoyable life.
Ecology of consciousness. Psychology: Any communication is, by and large, a manipulation. All that we say, in our idea, should cause ...
Any communication is, by and large, a manipulation. All that we say, in our idea, should cause a certain reaction. Answering the question: “How are you?” - we are waiting for understanding, sympathy, approval. And when we get none of this, we ask a leading question, for example: "What do you think of it, am I done?"
Extremely honest communication, devoid of manipulation, in this case would look simply ridiculous: "Let me tell you how I am doing, and you will praise me?" In the case when one concept is replaced by another and a manipulation occurs in communication. When a person says one thing, but implies a completely different. Manipulation begins where logic and common sense end. Manipulation appeals to feelings.
There are many ways and types of manipulation, however, based on what our feelings are played by the manipulator, they can be divided into six main types.
6 types of manipulation in communication:
1. Manipulation of love. As a child they told you: "If you are so grimacing, I will not love you." Although in fact they had in mind: "Listen to me."
Your man tells you: "First, stop biting your nails (work, go to your mom, read women's novels, cook a hodgepodge every morning ...), then let's talk about the wedding." Although he actually means: "I do not like it when you bite your nails."
The boss tells you: "We can value our employees, we have a friendly team of like-minded people. Therefore, rarely does anyone leave our team of their own free will." Although he actually means: "We will treat you well if you work well."
Features of this manipulation
One of the most insidious and cruel manipulations that are often used in families. A child, accustomed to such treatment, begins to understand that the closest people do not accept it entirely, they love him not for what he is, but for the fact that he does or does not do something.
In partnerships, such conversations also do not lead to anything good. Indeed, in this case, love is put on one scale, and on some other condition. It turns out that love is a certain product that, if necessary, can be exchanged for services or money.
2. Manipulation of fear. As a child they told you: "You will not do homework, you will become a janitor." Although in fact they had in mind: "I do not know how to make you still do homework."
Your man says: "If I continue to work in this office, I will have a heart attack." Although he actually means: "Get ready, I'll quit soon."
At work they tell you: "Masha, they sent me a resume of a very promising young employee. You have just one profile with him." Although they actually mean: "There are no irreplaceable ones, pack up, dear."
Features of this manipulation
The use of human fears is one of the most beloved tricks of manipulators of all types and stripes. Very often they play on a person’s lack of awareness. Therefore, if you are regularly powdered with brains about certain mythical dangers and are urged to do this or that to avoid them - make inquiries.
3. The manipulation of self-doubt. As a child they told you: “You made Russian, I see. And let's see what you can’t do?” Although in fact they had in mind: "You are still not capable of anything without my help."
Your man tells you: "Are you going to eat cookies for the night? Come on, come on. I'll play in the comp for now." Although he really wants to say: "I have the right to do what I want."
At work they say to you: "Please translate a small text from Chinese. Here is a dictionary for you, you have half an hour." Although they really mean: "Do not bury yourself, I'm the boss here."
Features of this manipulation:
Manipulation is always a matter of power, and in this case it is most acute. “I am the boss, you are a fool,” is how you can rephrase most of the statements quoted here.
The problem of the chief manipulator (whether he is mom, dad, boss or president) is that he does not have real authority, is not power, but wants to be. With him, of course, you can start playing "giveaways" and flatter. But this flattery will never be enough for him. He will calm down for a while, and then again and again seek confirmation of his viability at the expense of other people's shortcomings.
However, he can only manipulate you if you are worried about your lack. Accept yourself and your weaknesses or get rid of them.
4. Manipulation of guilt. As a child they told you: "Again I got two in chemistry? Then you will wash the dishes." Although they actually mean: "I am too lazy to wash the dishes, but it is inconvenient to ask you about it."
Your man tells you: "I drank coffee with Veronika while I was sitting here alone hungry with children?" Although in fact he means: "Tomorrow I want to meet with Sergey after work, but you just won’t let me go, you’ll cut me."
At work they say to you: "Take a day off, do not worry, I will do your work for you." Although they actually mean: "I will do the work, and then I will recall this incident to you."
Features of this manipulation
It is very common in family life, its frequent use leads to the fact that the husband and wife begin to play an exciting game - collecting foreign tricks. Whoever collected more, that won, read - received the right to realize their innermost desires.
Although it is completely incomprehensible, why should this self-evident right be won in such a strange and unpleasant way?
5. Manipulation with a sense of pride (the idea of \u200b\u200b“beyond me”). As a child they told you: "Why are you afraid to jump from the tower, are you an excellent pupil?" Although in fact they had in mind: "Do not be scared."
Your man tells you: "A twelve-hour working day? Poor thing. But you have such a clever girl, clean the room, run off for a beer, now Petrovich will come to me." Although he actually means: "Your perfectionism plus my laziness. We are an ideal married couple."
At work they say to you: "We know that you are a promising employee. We believe in you, so we offer you a raise, though with the same old salary." Although they actually mean: "We decided to save a little on your vanity."
Features of this manipulation
Vanity is elevated to the rank of the main idea of \u200b\u200bWestern civilization. Faster, higher, stronger and further, with all stops up to the final one. The main thing is not to stop and not think. Although Karl Jung, a psychologist, philosopher, and generally sensible person, said that the first half of his life was studying, finding a job, getting married. Running around, in a word, but running around is justified.
If in the second half a person is pathologically disposed to acquiring and striving to catch someone, he becomes ill.
6. Manipulation of feelings of pity. As it happened in childhood: "You don’t feel sorry for me at all, I’m so tired, and you don’t eat anything at all!"
How this happens in the family: "I have a headache all day, by the way, Lyutaya’s couple are calling us for the weekend. It's a pity you won’t be able to go."
How does this happen at work: "Remember, I had a hamster. This one is white. Fluffy. Died. Can I leave early?"
How this happens in politics: "Our party of Violets, of course, will not be able to get a parliamentary majority. The oligarchs are not behind us. And they don’t give us airtime ..."
Features of this manipulation.
She’s such a little child’s, school - "Marivanna, I have a toothache, can I go home."
There are very insidious and subtle manipulators with a sense of pity - the “victim”, who all the time complain about life and collect dividends - words of encouragement and help. These "victims" are also vampires. They can discuss their life situation with you endlessly, but they will never do anything to change anything. Because they are happy victims.
How to avoid becoming a victim of a manipulator?
Step one. Logics: since most often in a manipulative message there is no connection between the first part and the second ("if you drink latte with friends, I will not make money"), we can explain to the manipulator that there is no logic in his phrase. Sometimes it helps.
Step Two Awkwardness: sometimes a manipulative statement sounds quite logical, but has a hidden connotation. Putting the arm in an awkward position is an exciting experience. "You say that you respect me very much because you want to leave early? Well, say so."
Step Three Rate it:usually the manipulator is not self-confident, otherwise, why would he manipulate? By his behavior, he is trying to secure power over others, although he is most concerned about his own safety. Let him feel comfortable, say that you understand, appreciate and accept him. See, the craving to turn people into puppets is lessened.
Step Four Make your choice: the manipulator presses on your feelings and hopes to thereby force to do this or that. However, the fact that people make us feel this or that feeling is a myth. Feelings are inside us and no one except us is able to "turn them on" and "turn them off". Are you scared? Answer with irony. Are you taking on weak? Answer with surprise. Are you pissed off? Remember that this is only an invitation that you can accept and which you can refuse. The manipulator will be puzzled.
Step Five Understand yourself:in every family it is customary to react to events in a certain way. In one family it is customary to make fun of everything, in the other - to get upset about and without, in the third - to blame only yourself for your troubles and sprinkle ash on your head.
Children who grew up in these families will receive this “leading” emotion by inheritance. They will be ironic, sad and tormented by guilt respectively, more often than others. It can be assumed that when these children grow up, they will often come across manipulators that will play precisely on their "leading" feeling. Based on this, everyone can be advised to understand what kind of emotion they got from their parents. And then return to the previous paragraph.
Manipulator time.
The manipulator very rarely lives in the present. More often than not, he either recalls the past - "I can’t recover after my cat jumped out of the balcony five years ago" - is looking for an excuse for his shortcomings and inaction.
Either he speaks of some kind of vague future - “you won’t eat meatballs, you don’t go to college” or “we believe in you, and someday it will certainly affect your financial condition.”
But here and now nothing happens at the manipulator. He has no time all the time, he is constantly busy.He could have been pitied humanly, but we won’t do that. Because he seeks from us precisely this feeling in order to use it for other purposes.published
Manipulation by people is a psychological device that hides the management of the interlocutor against his will.
Manipulating, a man is forced to some actions, and he commits them contrary to his own interests. How to distinguish sincerity in communication from manipulation? The main characteristic of manipulation in communication is its secrecy. When communicating with this or that person, pay attention to a number of characteristic signs of manipulative behavior. And the wonderful wise tale of Cinderella will help us with this.
1. Stepmother’s syndrome, or provoking guilt through emotional intimidation
The manipulator acts so that touch the emotional strings of the interlocutoraddressing his most important needs and aspects of life. For example, your friend or acquaintance says: “I have no one else to rely on except you. After all, are you my friend? If you do not borrow this money for me, I will not be able to pay my insurance. ” Or a neighbor says: “If you don’t take over the public work of organizing parking spaces, then you definitely will have nowhere to park.”
This method was successfully used by the evil stepmother in the fairy tale about Cinderella, intimidating her with the fact that she would deal with her husband, Cinderella's father, if she did not help her and her daughters. The manipulation was a success. But this is only the beginning of a fairy tale.
2. Cinderella Syndrome, or self-esteem
The desire for recognition and respect - a strong motivator. In childhood, these situations look like this: "Well, you poorly jump from the roof of the barn?". At work, the same method is used in another version, when your boss says that no one except you will do this job better and faster, you only need to work over the weekend or in the evening overtime.
Remembering Cinderella, we again see the successful application of this method: no one but Cinderella is able to do the entire amount of housework, and the stepmother does not hide this, acting in her own interests. The manipulation under the motto “you have golden hands, Cinderella” works. But the tale continues.
3. Syndrome of the “unfortunate king”, or the manipulation of one’s own helplessness - impoverishment
“You know, I won’t manage without you, I don’t understand anything about this,” the manipulator says. Showing himself weak and his interlocutor strongHe seeks his own. Usually people hardly admit their weaknesses, but the manipulator is not afraid to call himself an impassable dumbass, if only you would come and fix his computer or write a business letter instead. All those things that he either could do by himself, with a little more effort, or simply order the corresponding service for money.
As for our beloved fairy tale, the King is different in such behavior: instead of solving the problem, he falls into self-humiliation, tearing off his crown and pretending to be helpless.
4. "Prince" syndrome, or the avoidance of any personal requests or claims, the use of impersonal language
The manipulator often avoids direct requests and disclaims responsibility. He would rather say not “I ask you for a service”, but “You know that this must be done, because ...”. The wife says to her husband: “Usually, for the anniversary of all women, husbands give a fur coat or a diamond necklace.”
In the tale of Cinderella, the Prince suffers from this syndrome, which, instead of expressing his feelings and his attitude directly, almost all the time falls into allegorical and falsely understood “upbringing”.
5. Cinderella's Father Syndrome - Your Own Conflicting Emotions
The best indicator is your own emotions when communicating. As already mentioned, manipulation is always based on involving the emotions of the interlocutor. The manipulator builds the conversation in such a way that several conflicting emotions arise at once. If outwardly the conversation is the most ordinary, but you start to get angry at your interlocutor or annoyed, think how much the interlocutor is sincere with you. If Cinderella’s father understood what the reason for his hesitation was and would not let him manipulate himself ... then there would be no mention of a wise fairy tale!
There are many tricks to combat manipulation. But the best way is to show the interlocutor that you understand his secret motive, to make this motive explicit. Label it with the plain text "Do you want me to ...". Look what will happen next: either the interaction will simply stop, or the interlocutor will be forced to proceed to a direct and honest discussion of the issue. After all, as soon as we understand that the interlocutor is manipulating us, he has no chance to achieve his goal this way.
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How to find out what you are being manipulated and what methods of protection exist?
And how to recognize the human manipulator in your environment? We will try in this article to give answers to these questions. You should know that there are a great many methods of hidden human control. And they are not always owned by people whose intentions are pure and harmless. Therefore, you need to get acquainted with the methods of manipulation. First of all, to protect your subconscious from outside interference.
Manipulation as a means of managing people is widely used in all areas of life: politics, the media, business, psychology, and everyday life. Manipulation methods are used not only on a particular individual person, but also on groups of people. Before the manipulator activates the mechanisms known to him, he collects complete information about the object of manipulation or, if you like, about his victim. Determines the nature, type of behavior, identifies weaknesses. The psyche of different people has common features, differing only in not very significant nuances. As a result, the developed manipulation techniques are universal with respect to each person.
Methods of manipulation and methods of protection.
Intentional interrogation or false clarification.
The manipulator creates the appearance that he wants to better understand the interlocutor. He repeatedly interrogates, repeating the words of the interlocutor at the very beginning, and then he brings into the conversation the meaning that is beneficial to him, thus, blurring the initial thought of his opponent.
The best defense in such cases is attention to all the details of the conversation. It is necessary to insist on the position held at the very beginning of the conversation, and not to allow the manipulator to make its treacherous corrections.
Indifference and false carelessness.
With this method, the manipulator strives to show absolute pseudo-indifference to the interlocutor. The deliberate inattention of the manipulator forces a person to prove his worth. He gives out more and more information, trying in vain to draw the attention of the manipulator to himself.
If it is possible to identify such a manipulator, then ignoring the provocation on his part will be the best counteraction.
The method of imaginary helplessness.
The manipulator shows false weakness, using it as a means to achieve his goals. Usually they begin to relate to such seemingly flawed people with condescension, they do not take them with complete seriousness. While the information coming from the manipulator has already taken root in the subconscious of the interlocutor. And after a certain period, the manipulation object will be guided by those invisible settings that the manipulator laid in his head.
Love.
Perhaps this method can be considered the most effective. Using false love, it is much easier for the manipulator to achieve the desired result from the person. People really like it when they love, respect, show interest in their personality. When a person understands that he is the object of someone's tenderness, love, he becomes trusting, blindly believes in someone who “loves” him. To the manipulator all these artificially evoked feelings fall into the hands, and he can control the "object of sighing" like a puppet.
It is possible to deal with such manipulators only if there is a “cold head”. However, it should be remembered that one whose behavior is very similar to the behavior of a lover may not always be a calculating manipulator.
Excessive suspicion.
All manipulators are very good actors. In this method of manipulation, they also use their artistry, playing suspicion in a particular issue. In turn, the object of manipulation begins to justify itself. The protective mechanism of his psyche ceases to work at full strength and the manipulator easily puts the desired settings into the subconscious.
Being self-confident is the best defense against a provocateur. Do not worry that the lack of excuses and attempts to prove something, showing all the groundlessness of the suspicions of the manipulator, will cause him a negative reaction.
Knowledge of the above methods of manipulative influence will allow to stop in time the skillful attempts of the manipulator to seize your subconscious.
