"The adopted child destroyed my entire family." Revelations of women who took children from orphanages and returned them back

Every tenth couple in Russia, due to the inability to give birth and raise their babies, faces the process of adopting a child from an orphanage. In practice, it has been shown that orphans become closest to foster parents in a new family, they are loved the most, and foster parents get a tremendous opportunity to become full-fledged parents.

If you want to adopt a child, you can go to this site https://www.babyblog.ru/community/lenta_cat/adoption/13910. Here is a catalog of photographs of children from a baby house who are looking for their parents.

And on this site https://changeonelife.ru / you can not only choose a baby's house, but also make a donation to the prosperous life of orphans.

Both residents and non-residents of the Russian Federation can adopt a child from an orphanage. There is one system by which a child can be adopted from an orphanage, as well as laws that control this system.

Usually, young parents try to adopt a child up to one year old.  This suggests that the child in these years does not know his real parents, which means that you can not tell him the truth. For such purposes, an infant up to one year old can be adopted and obtained permission to enter a new date of birth on the certificate.

Children who can be adopted

Children can be adopted only by minors, given their interests and the ability to provide them with a full life.

  You can adopt a baby if its blood parent or both parents:

• abandoned him;
• perished;
• recognized as missing;
• recognized as unemployed;
• deprived of parental rights;
• do not live with a child and refuse to raise him;

Different families cannot adopt brothers and sisters, except in situations where adoption is for the benefit of children (for example, they do not know about the existence of blood brothers and sisters, have not lived together, are in different houses of the baby).

Only the court can agree to the adoption of the baby.  On some day, a trial is underway that announces the final adoption decision. If the court made a positive decision, the baby will be issued a birth certificate, which will be spelled out the name of his adoptive parents.

If the court decision is not in your favor, it can be appealed when applying to higher authorities, but usually for adoptive parents the adoption procedure is successful.

Adoptive Requirements

The law spells out the requirements for the adoptive parent, but in the reverse order, indicating the most important points.

If these items are available to foster parents, they may rightfully be refused:

• facesrecognized as unemployed;
• spouses, one of which is recognized as unemployed;
• faceswho have been deprived of parental rights;
• faceswho cannot be guardians by decision of a judicial institution;
• adoptive parents in the pastwhose adoption the court rejected by their mistake;
• faceswho cannot fulfill parental rights due to health reasons;

Collection of documents

In order to adopt a child from a baby’s house, it is important to collect a package of documents:

1. You must write a statement to the guardianship service.
2. Duplicate passports of adoptive parents.
3. Documents on income.
4. Written consent for adoption, certified by a notary.
5. Medical report on health status.
6. Documents on the availability of living space.
7. The employer must write a description of the adoptive parents.

Adoption Payments

The amount of payments for adoption should be indexed every year along with annual inflation, because in 2016 such a payment is officially 15 thousand rubles.

This amount can increase to 100 thousand rubles, if you adopt children of a special category, which are usually attributed to:

• disabledwho have not reached the minority;
• to kid  7 years old;
• simultaneous adoption  2 or more children;

Trial

The adoption trial is closed.  Only those people who participate in the trial and are related to adoption can attend it. There should not be outsiders. If the adoptive parents want to keep the adoption secret, then each participant signs a non-disclosure document.

The court considers the case in the presence of the prosecutor, the applicants, the guardianship authorities. By the way, the court can conduct the process without a representative of the baby’s house. The trial begins with a personal verification of each participant.

The court makes a decision after the end of the case. He makes a decision in the name of the Russian Federation. The decision is signed by the judge. If you disagree with the decision, you can contact the higher authorities.

Governmental support

Law of the Russian Federation 10 “On the state budget” for the period of 2016, prescribes the amount of indexation of federal benefits to people who have adopted children, amounting to 15 thousand rubles.

The amount of the benefit is paid together with the regional indicator. Adopters may be granted benefits and additional payments.

Every month in the Russian Federation a benefit is paid. To resolve the issue of granting benefits, contact the department of guardianship, which is located at the place of permanent registration. The allowance is paid at the place of registration.

Foster parents can claim compensation, which is assigned in the amounts of:

1. For the first child  the amount is 20% of the parental salary, which is taken for the maintenance of the child in a special educational institution.
2. For the second child  the amount is 50% of the parental salary.
3. On the third child  the amount is 70% of the parental salary.

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Many couples dream of having a baby, but not everyone can do it. Therefore, they begin to think about adoption.

Adoption involves the formation of family ties between the child and his new parents, the emergence of responsibility, special rights and obligations.

A person who decides to pick up a child from an orphanage must be an accomplished person.

A potential adoptive parent must be aware that with the advent of a baby in his family, parents must bear responsibility all their lives.

Let us consider how to adopt a child from an orphanage in 2019, what requirements the legislation imposes on candidates, what are the responsibilities of the new family in relation to the adopted one.

Adoptive Requirements

Adoption is a long and complex process, which is not limited to paperwork in the bodies of guardianship and trusteeship (PLO). The adoption case must be considered in court.

The procedure, its main provisions are regulated by the Family Code (chapter 19). You can adopt children who are not yet 18 years old.

Who can take a child from an orphanage is regulated by article 127 of the RF IC:

Adopters have no age restrictions.  The main thing is that they have good health, and they can provide their child with a material level.

The age difference between the new parents and the adopted should not be less than 16 years, but there are exceptions, and the court makes an individual decision in each case.

But if the adoptive parent is the spouse or spouse of the biological parent of the child, the age difference is not taken into account. An exception is also made for uncles, aunts of a child, other relatives and godparents.

Video: Terms of adoption of a child in Russia

The adoption candidate must be physically able to care for the child, take responsibility for the upbringing.

The candidate should not have the following diseases:

A person who wishes to adopt a child from an orphanage must support him.

Potential adoptive parents should have a regular income exceeding the cost of living for several people.

Usually, when making a positive decision on adoption, the court requires a higher level of income.

When submitting documents, the adoption candidate indicates all available sources of income.

As additional sources are considered: salary from the second place of work, proceeds from the lease of movable and immovable property, interest on deposits at the bank and borrowers.

People who dream of becoming parents are worried about what else they need to take their child from the orphanage. Potential candidates must have their own housing.

If the apartment is in a mortgage, this procedure usually does not interfere with the adoption of a child, but the total income, taking into account the deduction of the monthly mortgage payment, should be enough to support a minor from an orphanage. This item should be applied to other loans, loans.

The area should also be sufficient for all family members to live: it is important that the apartment has a place for sleep, games, training. A huge plus if there are schools and other educational institutions nearby.

Mandatory requirement - compliance with sanitary standards: cleanliness, lack of insects, rodents. People with chronic forms of infectious diseases should not live on the same living space as adopted children.

Persons of the same sex over 9 years old cannot live in the same room unless they are a married couple. If the adopted child is more than 9 years old, he should have a separate room. The same applies if a person adopts a brother or sister.

If a married couple decides on adoption and meets all the requirements, you should start by collecting documents. Future potential parents are also enrolled in courses of the School of foster parents.

Training takes about a month and a half, can be remote. The school is intended for adoptive candidates.

It is called upon to develop the key parental competencies that are necessary for the education of children transferred to the family of citizens. Information lectures are held, parents are also prepared psychologically.

It is not necessary to take courses if the child is adopted by his relatives, or persons who were once adoptive parents, and there was no cancellation of adoption.

We learn what documents are needed to adopt a child from an orphanage.

Potential adoptive parents should collect the following papers:

Documents must be prepared in duplicate (for the PLO and the court).

Video: Adoption Procedure

Guardianship and adoption bodies (PLO)

With a full package of documents, citizens who decide to adopt a child go to the PLO. After the paperwork is completed, potential parents expect a visit from the PLO staff home.

An act of inspection of housing conditions is being drawn up. The living space should be well-groomed, clean, cleaned.

Within 15 days, employees prepare an opinion. If the impression of citizens who wish to adopt a child is positive, they are recognized as candidates for adoptive parents.

If a refusal follows, it should be issued in the form of an official letter indicating the reason.

The search for a child can be conducted through the Federal Databank on Orphans (http://www.usynovite.ru/db/?p\u003d3&last-search) or the database of video profiles of orphans, also through the PLO at the place of residence or the Regional Operator of GCD about orphans.

In the database of the child can be found by region, gender, presence of relatives, year of birth, even name. A lot of profiles of children with the fifth and fourth health groups.

In OOP issued a referral to visit the child. The document is valid for 10 days.

The adoptive candidate may meet with one of the children. Has the right to talk with the child, get acquainted with his documents, confirm the fact of familiarization with the medical opinion on the state of health of the selected child.

If candidates want to see other children, they may receive a different direction.

If potential adoptive parents did not appear at the appointed time to meet the child twice without objective reasons, they will be excluded from the adoption process as irresponsible and unreliable people.

After choosing a child, candidates file a petition with the court asking them to let them adopt the child. The court shall render a decision no later than two months after the submission of the application.

Adoption is made by the court. Adoptive candidates submit an application with the following information:

All the same documents that were submitted to the PLO, as well as a document that confirms the registration of a person as a candidate for adoption, are attached to the application.

The case is considered at a closed court session in which the candidates themselves, PLO employees, the prosecutor, a child who has reached the age of 14, and his biological parents take part.

The rights and obligations of new parents are established from the moment the court decision comes into force. The court sends a copy of the decision to the registry office at the place of the decision within three days.

Adopters must personally pick up the baby from the child care institution, having presented the consent of the court, and register the adoption with the registry office.

It is preferable for a child in a family than in an orphanage, but it is often difficult for adoptive parents to prove their compliance with all requirements.

One of the families received approval from the PLO for adoption, and she chose a 9-year-old boy in the orphanage who had a good relationship with him.

The biological mother of the boy was invited to the court, who had previously served a sentence in prison, but after her release did not take part in the life of her child. The boy remained in the orphanage.

At the hearing, the mother repented and began to promise the court that she would take the child. The boy was confused, and the court did not give permission for adoption, and he was left in the orphanage.

Subsequently, it turned out that the mother did not have a fixed income and her living space, and the boy remained in the orphanage.

Often, decent and decent people who dream of becoming parents and adopting a baby are confronted with the formalities of the law and cannot fight them.

We learn how to take a child from an orphanage under guardianship.

Custody

An alternative to adoption is custody. The child is taken into the house as a foster child. Guardianship is established over children under 14 years of age, guardianship over children aged 14-18.

The guardian has almost all the same rights as the parents. But the guardianship authorities regularly monitor the conditions of his detention, upbringing, education.

Appointed for a term or indefinitely. Guardianship is often used as an intermediate form of adoption. The level of responsibility is high, but not complete.

Benefits:

• the decision on guardianship is made by the head of local self-government; it is issued faster than during adoption through a court;
• they pay a monthly allowance to the guardian, help the guardian in organizing the education, rest, treatment of the child;
• after 18 years, the foster home is allocated housing;
• guardian requirements are less stringent.

Disadvantages:

• the child may feel inferior due to incomplete belonging to the family of the guardian;
• pLO staff may intervene;
• an applicant for adoption may appear;
• contacts with biological relatives of the child are possible;
• it is difficult to change the name of the child, but the date of birth is not changed.

Future guardians turn to the PLO for registration of the opportunity to adopt a child for upbringing. Registration can take about three months.

With various forms of placement of the child, the adoptive parents and guardians have the same requirements for their state of health.

Candidates should not be previously deprived of parental rights or suspended from the duties of a guardian or adoptive parent through their fault.

Is it possible to take a child from the orphanage for the weekend?

Not all couples have the opportunity to adopt or adopt a child. Then in some cases it is allowed to pick up the child for a while.

The guest mode is also used to get to know the child whom the family wishes to adopt.

This arrangement is even easier and faster, but the guest mode is not recommended for children under adolescence. Upon returning to the orphanage, young children perceive it as if they were again abandoned.

Having been “visiting” once, children and even teenagers then wait for weeks and hope that they will return. “Guest mode” is not only an opportunity to temporarily live in a normal family, but also an emotional load on a child.

Young children get attached very quickly. And if they are constantly returned and “tied” again, they will forget how to trust.

The child will not be transferred to the family if:

• this will contradict the child’s desire, create a threat to his life, health, violate his rights and interests;
• it turns out that together with the citizen who took the child “on a visit”, the parent of the baby lives, deprived of parental rights.

The total period of stay cannot be more than three months. In some cases, extended to six months.

If, for some reason, the biological parents of the child were not able to properly fulfill their obligations, adoptive parents, guardians or adoptive parents can do this.

But the candidates for adoptive parents and guardians should understand that a new family member is a responsibility, it is forever. They will have the same responsibilities as the biological family.

What could be more important in a person’s life, if not a family. A full-fledged family consisting of dad, mom and children. In a house where children's voices are heard, happiness is born. I want to tell a story about how I made a major decision in my life.

Doubts and fears: why my husband and I did not dare to adopt a child for a long time

The decision to adopt a child was for me and my husband one of the most important in our lives. It so happened that we cannot have our children. For seven long years we tried to live for ourselves, to build a relationship for two. Twice he left me, but returned. Apparently, fate wanted to keep us together.

Of course, we thought about adoption. Although, I confess, I thought about it in horror. I had no idea how I could love someone else's child. Yet this burden of responsibility and fear. Today we are raising two adopted children. You say: how so? They were afraid to take one, but in the end - two? Yes, oddly enough. With the eldest son, everything went complicated. But after three years the girl was taken with ease and joy. It was as if she had given birth to a newborn. But that was later.

The psychologist helped to decide. He asked me to list what we are afraid of, what fears are pursuing us.

• How can we love someone else's child?
• How will others react to this?
• What is heredity?

For a long time I believed that the mother’s love for a child originates somewhere at the genetic level, that a mother cannot but love her child. However, life convinced me. How many women are abandoning their own children, and how many who devote their lives to seemingly strangers. It turned out that love is born with time. Caring, daily contact with the baby, experiences for him - this is love.

As for gossip, fears were in vain.   Today, my children know that they are foster, and they know this from us, their parents. Therefore, no gossip is not afraid of us.

The third reason for our fears was more difficult.   I admit, we were very afraid that our child might have a bad heredity. Indeed, children from dysfunctional families fall into orphanages. But, on the other hand, we have familiar, quite prosperous people who have children with various syndromes. What is it? Ecology, an accident? I do not know. I prayed for healthy children.

How it started: our first steps to adopt a baby

Psychological consultations helped us. It was after talking with a specialist that we made the final decision to take the child to education.

We decided this: since the Almighty did not give us the opportunity to give birth to our children, then this is our fate. And in order to live life not in vain, to leave something good behind us, to do something useful, we decided on this difficult matter.

1 step - a trip to the guardianship authorities.

Learning about our desire to adopt a child, they offered a choice of several options: adoption, guardianship, foster care, patronage.

Adoption is a form of family education in which the adopted child and his adoptive parents become relatives, that is, the same relations are established between them as between the parents and the children.

In the case of the establishment of guardianship (for children under 14 years of age) and guardianship (after 14 years of age), the guardian assumes obligations for the upbringing, maintenance and education of the child, and also protects his interests.

Possible option of foster education. In this case, the adoptive parents conclude an agreement with the guardianship authorities according to which the adopted child, instead of the orphanage, lives in a new family.

Patronage implies   conclusion of a tripartite agreement between guardianship authorities, a potential foster carer and an orphanage. Starting from patronage and ending with adoption, the rights and obligations of people who have taken a child to be raised are increasing.

We decided to adopt immediately. Although one could go from a lighter one, for example, to take custody.

2 step - collecting documents.

I wrote a statement to get a conclusion that our family can become an adoptive parent.

To the statement I needed the following:

• autobiography;
• passport;
• certificate of salary from the place of work;
• documents for the house (ownership of housing);
• certificate of no criminal record;
• a certificate from a medical institution (medical examination);
• marriage registration certificate (copy);
• characteristics from the place of work, from the local and neighbors;
• certificates from ZHEK, which confirm the residence of neighbors.

3 step - inspection of living conditions.

Social workers come in a few days we check the living conditions at our address, figuring out in this way whether we can provide the adopted child with decent living conditions.

Step 4 - passing the school of foster parents.

Step 5 - a physical examination.

6th step - getting an opinion.

Within 15-20 days from the moment of writing the application conditional parents should receive a positive or negative opinion.   In our case, the conclusion was positive.

7 step- search for a child.

There is one orphanage in our city. My husband and I made several visits. At first they searched, then, when they found, they looked closely. Although my Denisk immediately conquered us. When I saw him, my heart sank right away. Understood: he is ours. It seemed (and even now it seems) that he looked like my husband. They wanted the boy to get used to us, so they often came to visit and took them on vacation twice. I will not hide it, I knew everything about him in advance: I talked with specialists, got acquainted with the documents.

The 8th step is judgment.

Since we decided to become adoptive parents, a lawsuit was required. Only by court order did the boy become a legitimate son, receive our surname and was recorded on our passports.

Paper bureaucracy: what did we have to go through to adopt a baby?

Above, I outlined the main steps towards adoption. But to be honest, some of these steps simply knocked us out of our rut, infuriated us. For example, foster parents courses.

They told what an orphanage is, and how children find themselves in it, how to raise an adopted child. By the way, there were also lawyers who gave free consultations.

On the one hand, everything seems to be correct, the necessary information is given out.   But the organization of these courses is terrible. It doesn’t take into account that we are all busy people, that we have to take time off from work each time, since we have classes on weekdays, during working hours.

And another thing that bothered my husband was the exam, which we had to pass at the end of school. He, of course, was very nervous. Judge for yourself: three times a week in the middle of the working day we had to “run” to these courses, and then there was an exam, like for schoolchildren. But nothing. Passed with success, received certificates.

The next circle of hell is a physical examination.

This, my dears, is horror. Compared to the annual physical exam we usually go through, this one was something supernatural. I don’t know how in big cities, where adoption practice is more common, but in our district clinic the whole brain was “taken out”, pounded and all the forces were squeezed out. So many doctors and so many tests I have never undergone. Plus to everything: there is not one doctor, then another, there are no necessary forms, or doctors simply do not know on which forms what is filled out. Well, the timing. In theory, quickly, from 15 to 30 days. In fact, a few months. The whole process took us almost 4 months.

Today I’m sure that seven years ago my husband and I made one of the most important decisions in our lives. And it turned out to be true.

We are still full of strength and energy, ahead of us we have an interesting and full of impressions life.

According to statistics for 2016, more than 148 thousand children from orphanages were brought up in foster care. Five thousand of them returned to the orphanage. Women who abandoned adopted children, what it is like to be the mother of an unborn child and that prompted them to a difficult decision.

Irina, 42 years old

A daughter was raised in Irina's family, but she and her husband wanted a second child. The husband could no longer have children for medical reasons, the couple decided to adopt. There was no fear, because Irina worked as a volunteer and had experience in dealing with refuseniks.

- I went against the wishes of my parents. In August 2007, we took the one-year-old Misha from the house of the baby. The first shock for me was an attempt to rock it. Nothing came of it, he rocked himself: he crossed his legs, put two fingers in his mouth and swayed from side to side. Later I realized that the first year of Misha’s life in the shelter was lost: the child’s attachment did not form. Babies in the house of babies are constantly changing their nannies so they don’t get used to it. Misha knew that he was foster. I conveyed this to him accurately, like a fairy tale: I said that some children are born in the stomach and others in the heart, so you were born in my heart.

Irina admits that little Misha was constantly manipulating her, he was obedient only for the sake of profit.

- In the kindergarten, Misha began to change into a female and publicly masturbate. He told the educators that we did not feed him. When he was seven, he told my eldest daughter that it would be better if she were not born. And when in punishment we forbade him to watch cartoons, he promised to kill us.

Misha was observed by a neurologist and a psychiatrist, but no drugs acted on him. At school, he disrupted classes and beat peers. Her husband Irina ran out of patience and he filed for divorce.

- I took the children and left for Moscow to work. Misha continued to do nasty things stealthily. My feelings for him were in constant turmoil: from hatred to love, from desire to nail to heartbreaking pity. I have exacerbated all chronic diseases. Depression started.

According to Irina, Misha could steal money from his classmates, and lower the funds allocated to him for dinners in a slot machine.

- I had a nervous breakdown. When Misha returned home, in a state of passion I slapped him a couple of times and pushed him so that he had a subcapsular rupture of the spleen. They called an ambulance. Thank God, the operation was not needed. I was scared and realized that I had to abandon the child. Suddenly, would I fall again? I do not want to go to prison, I still raise the eldest daughter. A few days later I came to visit Misha in the hospital and saw him in a wheelchair (he was not allowed to walk for two weeks). She returned home and cut the veins. My roommate saved me. I spent a month in a psychiatric clinic. I have severe clinical depression, I drink antidepressants. My psychiatrist forbade me to communicate with the child personally, because all the treatment after that goes down the drain.

After nine years of living in the family, Misha returned to the orphanage. After a year and a half, legally, he is still the son of Irina. The woman believes that the child still does not understand what happened, he sometimes calls her and asks him to buy something.

- He has such a consumer attitude towards me, as if he were calling the delivery service. I don’t have a division, either mine or adoptive. For me, everyone is family. It’s as if I cut a piece from myself.

After the incident, Irina decided to find out who are the real parents of Misha. It turned out that he had schizophrenics in his family.

- He is a handsome boy, very charming, dances well, and he has a developed sense of color, he selects clothes well. He dressed my daughter at graduation. But this is his behavior, heredity crossed out everything. I firmly believed that love is stronger than genetics. It was an illusion. One child destroyed my entire family.

Svetlana, 53 years old

The family of Svetlana had three children: a daughter and two adopted children. The two elders left to study in another city, and the youngest adopted son Ilya remained with Svetlana.

- Ilya was six when I took him to me. According to the documents, he was absolutely healthy, but soon I began to notice strange things. Bed him a bed - the next morning there is no pillowcase. I ask, where are you? He does not know. On his birthday, he gave him a huge radio-controlled car. The next day, one wheel was left of her, but she did not know where everything else was.

After several examinations, a neurologist Ilya was diagnosed with abscess epilepsy. The disease is characterized by short-term blackouts.

- All this could be dealt with, but at the age of 14, Ilya began to use something, which is exactly - I still did not find out. He became weirder stronger than ever. Everything in the house was broken and broken: a sink, sofas, chandeliers. You will ask Ilya who did this, there is only one answer: I don’t know, it's not me. I asked him not to use drugs. She said: graduate from the ninth grade, then you will go to study in another city, and you and I will part on a good note. And he: “No, I’m not leaving anywhere at all, I will bring you.”

After a year of quarrels with her adopted son, Svetlana was hospitalized with nervous exhaustion. Then the woman decided to abandon Ilya and returned him to the orphanage.

- A year later, Ilya came to me on New Year's holidays. He asked for forgiveness, said that he did not understand what he was doing, and that now he was not using anything. Then he went back. I don’t know how guardianship works there, but he returned to live with his mother, an alcoholic. He already has his own family, a child. Epilepsy didn’t go away with him, sometimes it’s strange for little things.

Eugene, 41 years old

Eugene adopted a child when her own son was ten. That boy was abandoned by previous adoptive parents, but despite this, Eugene decided to take him to her family.

- The child made the most positive impression on us: charming, modest, shyly smiling, embarrassed and quietly answering questions. Later, as time passed, we realized that this was just a way to manipulate people. In the eyes of others, he always remained a miracle child, no one could believe that there were real problems in communicating with him.

Eugene began to notice that her adopted son is behind in physical development. Gradually, she began to learn about his chronic diseases.

- The boy began his life in our family by telling a bunch of scary stories about the previous guardians, which at first seemed to us to be completely true. When he was convinced that we believe him, he somehow forgot about what he was talking about (the child nevertheless), and it soon became clear that he simply made up most of the stories. He constantly dressed up as girls, in all games he took female roles, crawled under his covers to his son and tried to cuddle with him, walked around the house, lowering his trousers, responding to comments that he was so comfortable. Psychologists said that this is normal, but I still could not agree with this, after all, my boyfriend is also growing.

While studying in the second grade, the boy could not count to ten. Eugene is a teacher by profession, she was constantly engaged with her son, they managed to achieve positive results. Only now the communication between the mother and son did not go well. The boy lied to teachers about being bullied at home.

- They called us from school to understand what was happening, because we were always in good standing. And the boy just felt the weaknesses of those around him well and, when he needed to, beat him. He simply brought my son to tantrums: he said that we did not love him, that he would stay with us, and that they would give his son to an orphanage. He did it quietly, and for a long time we could not understand what was happening. As a result, the son secretly hung up on us in computer clubs, began to steal money. We spent six months to bring him home and bring to life. Its OK now.

The son brought Evgenia's mother to a heart attack, and ten months later the woman gave her adopted son to a rehabilitation center.

- With the advent of the adopted son, the family began to fall apart before our eyes. I realized that I was not ready to sacrifice my son, my mother for the illusive hope that everything would be fine. The boy was completely indifferent to the fact that he was sent to a rehabilitation center, and then they wrote a refusal. Maybe he's just used to it, or maybe some human feelings have atrophied. New guardians were found for him, and he left for another region. Who knows, maybe everything will work out there. Although I do not really believe in it.

Anna (name changed)

- My husband and I could not have children (I have incurable problems on the female side) and took the child from the orphanage. When we took it, we were 24 years old. The child was 4 years old. He looked like an angel. At first they could not get enough of him, he was so curly, well-built, smart, in comparison with his peers from the orphanage (it’s not a secret to anyone that children in an orphanage do not develop well). Of course, we did not choose from the principle who is prettier, but the soul clearly lay for this child. Almost 11 years have passed since then. The child turned into a monster - DOES NOT want to do anything at all, steals money from us and from classmates. Campaigns to the director have become a tradition for me. I don’t work, I shined the life of the child, spent all the time with him, tried to be a good, fair mother ... it didn’t work. I tell him the word - he told me "go to ***, you are not my mother / yes you ***** / yes what do you understand in my life." I have no more strength, I don’t know how to influence him. The husband has withdrawn from education, says that I should understand myself, because (I quote) “I’m afraid that if I start talking to him, I’ll hit him.” In general, I did not see a way out, except to give it back. And yes. If this is my child, dear, I would have done the same.

Natalya Stepanova

- Little Slavka immediately fell in love with me. A lonely and shy kid stood out from the crowd of children in the social center for helping children. We took him on the first day of acquaintance. However, after two weeks they sounded the alarm. Outwardly calm and kind boy suddenly began to show aggression to pets. First, Slava hung newborn kittens in the kitchen, having previously wrapped them with wire. Then the object of his attention became small dogs. As a result, the account of the young murderer turned out to be at least 13 ruined lives. When the series of these cruel acts began, we immediately turned to a child psychologist. At the reception, the specialist reassured us and advised us to devote more time to Slava and make it clear that we love him. We went forward and in the summer left for the village, away from the noisy city. But there the situation got worse. At the next consultation, the psychologist explained to us that Slavka needed specialized help. And since I am in position, we decided that it was better to give my son back to the orphanage. Until recently, we hoped that the boy would soon pass aggression, and with it the desire to kill. The last straw was the three bodies of torn puppies. As if according to the script of a horror film, once again taking advantage of the lack of adults, the baby alone brutally beat the four-legged to death.

Adoption issues are the most painful and responsible, because, taking on all the hardships of raising a baby, people do not quite realize that this legal procedure will change their life forever. In our country there is no such mass in the desire to become foster parents, as, for example, in the USA, and hundreds of thousands of children continue to be in state institutions - baby homes, orphanages, boarding schools.

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As for the adoption of the baby from the house, the process has the same sequence and principles as when taking from the hospital. But the baby’s house contains kids of all ages, facial features have already formed, the color of the eyes and hair has been established and manifested. It is clear the desire of future parents to choose exactly the child they like, the desired gender and age.

After approval of the PLO candidates will be given special permission to visit the baby’s house, where you can preview the database, and then get to know the little man who needs a family.

If suddenly it turns out that the child cannot be selected according to the image formed in thoughts, you can contact nearby baby homes located in neighboring cities, villages where you can apply with a conclusion about the possibility of becoming adoptive parents.

After examining the information about the children, their data on the file cabinet in the database, you should look again and again, get acquainted until your heart skips.

Then, the court located at the place of the children's institution, at the suit of the adoptive parents, with the participation of representatives of the PLO, having examined all the documents, will most likely make a positive decision within the time period established by law, after which it will be possible to take the chosen lucky person home with a copy of the court’s decision .

If you are going to get married (get married), then an article about changing your name after marriage will come in handy.

So that the child considers himself a family and family relations are not complicated by the fact that the adopted child found out about his appearance in the family, the Criminal Code contains article 155, according to which adoption secrecy must be respected.

The circle of people aware of this scrupulous legal procedure cannot be called narrow: they are PLO workers, baby houses, courts. To exclude the human factor and the danger of disclosure, the law allows you to change not only the name of the child, but also the date of birth, and even the place of birth. The difference in the period between the actual and the fictitious dates of birth should not exceed three months.

Of course, the secret of adoption it makes sense when they take the crumbs in the hospital or in the baby’s house, and if you took a child from the shelter who already remembers a lot and realizes that these are not the people who gave birth to him, then there is no point in creating around the adoption of a halo of mystery.

Adopted Child Benefits

Adopted children are equated with relatives, therefore, the laws of the Russian Federation provide for payments for adoptive parents in the same sizes and terms as for parents in ordinary families - sick leave if the child is taken from the hospital, allowance until the child reaches the age of 1.5 years, etc. .

Adoptive parents can receive a one-time allowanceif they apply with a statement within 6 months from the date of trial (from the actual date of adoption), but not a day later. In 2015, this one-time allowance is RUB 14,497.