The last straw: how to get away from a guy. How beautiful to leave a man
Unfortunately, perfect relationship it doesn’t happen, and every woman at least sometimes thinks about what to do in a certain current situation. Sometimes it is a quarrel, after which it is necessary to make peace and find a common language with a loved one, and sometimes it is doubt as to whether these relations are necessary at all. Some women easily decide to break the connection with a particular man, while others have suffered humiliation and scandals for years, afraid to take a decisive step.
Man can be a reliable partner who supports and tries to resolve conflicts, but he can also be the initiator of these quarrels. If you spend years of your life on normalizing relations with your loved one and are afraid to leave him, this article is for you. Men need to be left beautifully, without quarrels and scandals, so that a good impression remains about you.
Why do women decide to break up?
1. Fatigue from constant jealousy. Some men go so far in stick that they end up alone. Jealousy is one of the biggest problems in a relationship, so it’s very important to find a middle ground. Often women decide to break up precisely because of the jealousy of the second half, because they have to limit themselves and constantly be in a state of stress.
2. Lack of love. It happens that a woman just stopped loving. Sometimes there are specific reasons for this, and sometimes love just passes, which, perhaps, was not too strong even at the beginning of the relationship. No one can be to blame for this, passion just passed, and strong love did not replace it. Do not entertain yourself with the illusions that everything will change if you feel bad, and with this person you feel uncomfortable.
3. A new young man has appeared. Or middle-aged, or just flared up feelings for the former. In any case, you should not waste time playing a double game, being dishonest to both. Here we must firmly decide: who exactly is worthy of your love and refuse to communicate with the second. The decision is not easy, but it is important to show respect for men and not lose your honor and dignity. Women often leave because a new lover has appeared, while men play on two fronts for a long time.
4. Zaell life. And men and women often decide to break up precisely for this reason. Unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in preserving the diversity and brightness of relations, and everyday issues kill even the strongest love. Not many people manage to maintain a strong relationship and create a family full of love and respect, especially if every day you have to go to work in the same place and watch the same channels on TV at home.
5. Someone has appeared. Not every woman can forgive infidelity, most often the fair sex decide to leave, even if they have nowhere to go.
How to get away from a man?
- Write down all its pros and cons on a piece of paper. So you can clearly understand what you are not comfortable with in a man, and what disadvantages are decisive for you. Sometimes women think for a long time about whether to break, because it seems good with a man, but sometimes you want to run away from him. That is why to begin with, write down all its pros and cons in two columns and compare, for sure you will notice that there are more minuses. So you can quickly and decisively draw a conclusion and approach the situation correctly. During a conversation with your young man, you will always know what you are not comfortable with and how you can confirm your decision.
- Never do this by telephone or by correspondence.. This can offend a person very much, leaving a negative mark in his soul. Plus, it's just dishonest. Pay attention to how he is used to having a conversation, and in what environment. Perhaps you should go to a cafe or just discuss this topic at home over a cup of hot tea. A one-on-one conversation will in any case be a complete solution to the problem, and besides, you will not have any omissions or misunderstandings. Tell him in advance that there will be a removable conversation, let him mentally prepare.
- Never scream. Whatever the problems between you, in no case do not lose control of yourself. You do not want to be a hysterical person who does not know how to control herself? In a calm tone, explain to him that everything is over between you, tell us how you feel, and be sure to describe the reason for the break. You should not make a person unhappy if you simply do not know how to behave decently. If you calmly tell him about your experiences and apologize for the situation, it is likely that after breaking up you will be able to communicate. This is especially important if you have common children. In no case do not burn bridges and do not hurt a person.
- List him the pros of your break. Of course, if a man loves you with all his heart and is ready for you for a lot, explaining to him that now his life will be transformed will be quite difficult. But try to somehow give a positive to your breakup. Say that now he will have more time for himself, that he will not have to spend a lot of money on shopping and in cafes and is finally gathering on a motorcycle. In any case, try to cheer him up and give him hope that not everything in this life is lost.
- List him your shortcomings. If she has long dreamed of breaking up, then you won’t even need to do this, and if he wants to be with you, you will have to try to convince him that you are not worthy of him. Tell him about your minuses and shortcomings, emphasize your bad sides and in no case speak about his qualities. Your shortcomings must be significant so that he at least for a moment thinks about what is possible, it will really be better for both of you.
- Don't turn a conversation into a scandal. This is not so easy, but worth the effort. No need to scream, blame him or insult him. Try to convey to him the idea that you are now not together. Also, do not let him raise his voice at you, do not allow quarrels or a bad attitude towards you. Civilized educated people will always find a way to solve their problems peacefully and without scandals. This should be your rule if you decide to peacefully part with your man.
The moment has come when you need to collect things (or just pack up your courage) and leave it. And it’s not so important who made the decision: you, he or both of you. Parting is always hard. Even more difficult is not the very understanding of the "end", but its implementation. One of you on a farewell note will take it and break it: either cry, or get angry, or ... will not let go. How to get away from the guy with the least loss and the most painless? PEOPLETALK has prepared some useful tips for you.
Do what you must
You need to prepare for any business. And so that there is no reason to return, you need to settle all the issues that connect you with these relationships: money for an apartment, a promise to buy his mother a cream that she loves, but does not know where to get, his documents that you kept at home. Bring all matters to the end, distribute debts and documents, and you can calmly sail away.
talk to him
Yes, you need to talk, anyway. Not in order to express to each other everything that you think. On the contrary, finally dot the "i". Stop blaming each other for something, because it was not in vain that you spent so much time together - you need to respect this. The main thing here is a calm tone and objectivity. If the conversation does not take place, you risk leaving the relationship unfinished.
He should not be around when you decide
If you lived together, then it is better to take things out when he is not around. Discuss this in advance. And do not say that you have no one to help. This issue can always be resolved. Excessive quarrels, tears, long hugs and shifting joint photos from one package to another you definitely do not need.
Do not return his gifts
Firstly, it is disrespectful if you drag him a bag with his gifts, photos, sweatpants or flippers from the time of your vacation in Egypt, which was 100 years ago. Secondly, another reason to upset or anger him. If you don’t need these things or it hurts you to see them, it’s better to hide them until everything settles down, or just throw them away (but without burning at the stake and ritual dances).
Throw away half your stuff
Again, in the event of a move, it is better to do your things. Leaving light is more pleasant, and getting rid of junk that you have not worn for a long time is always useful.
Warn mutual friends
I understand that you don’t want to damn it, to hear the same questions and advice. But your mutual friends should be warned about the break, if only so that there are no more questions at the most inconvenient moment.
Don’t tackle the past
You do not have to constantly review photos, go to places where you have been together, listen to “your” songs or seek out a video from a party where friends caught a glimpse of how you first dance. And at the same time shed tears or beat the dishes. No matter how trite it may sound, time really heals. Soon these memories will cause a smile.
Think about why you decided to break up
When the relationship ends, we often think only about the most pleasant moments and do not understand what happened, because everything was so good! But from scratch, people do not part. So, everything was far from being so perfect.
Find the pros
Imagine, now you will have time to see all your old friends and to understand yourself a little. Give yourself a break. After all, a person cannot be in good relations with other people if he is in a bad relationship with himself. It will also help you. this funny stuff .
Do not try to stay on friendly terms with him
Often we cannot take the necessary steps to get away from such assholes.
Speaking from my own experience, it reassured me that the same situation was in the relations of many of my friends and acquaintances. But in fact, every woman knows why she stays with a man who is not worthy of her. Usually this is one of 4 reasons that we don’t admit to anyone:
1. Fear: fear to leave, not to find another man whom we can love, fear to leave - what if he does change?
2. Affection: not only to him, but also to your story, your past.
3. Hope: to believe that the man we love is not worthy of us is terrible, because we continue to hope that everything will become better.
4. We give up: to be with an unworthy man is draining.
But leaving is not easy. This is an emotional loss, plus guilt. But what’s even worse is getting stuck in a relationship with a man who manipulates us and makes us stay every time you try to leave.
I will not say: "Go away, he is not worthy of you."
I myself often heard this, and it did not help me a bit. As a result, I unconsciously stayed with my man when I saw that the whole world was against him.
But then I realized what helped me leave. I was blinded by my attachment to him and my suffering, but I still managed to remove the veil from my eyes, and here's how:
1. Do not listen to what others say about him.
When relatives or friends begin to convince you that you should leave him, do not listen. Try to be distracted if you can’t get away from the conversation. No one's opinion should affect you. You must understand yourself, you should not have imposed thoughts.
2. Give yourself time to think.
After the first paragraph, it's time to form your opinion. Stay away from everyone, including your man. If possible, take a vacation or a day off for a couple of days. Space is very important to understand what needs to be done next.
3. Introspection followed by decision
Now it's time to make a decision. But for this you need to look into the past. Remember the beginning of your relationship. Remember all the good and bad. And if there was more bad, this is a clear sign that there is a lot of pain left inside us, which means it's time to leave. Although our cunning brain tends to remember more good things, we need to be especially honest in our memories.
4. Find stability in yourself
If you decide to leave, find a place in yourself for emotional stability. This means not to back down from your decision, because a man can convince you.
5. Do not push yourself
Give yourself as much time as you need. You can not abruptly get away from it, but gradually move away. It's quite normal.
6. Plan your future
We do not want to regret our decision. And to prevent this, you need to plan the future after it. Just occupy yourself so that there is no void even in your daily plans.
We women, as well as men, are responsible for our own happiness, we ourselves create our reality.
Get away from your beloved man - it sounds incredible! However, many situations arise in life when you have to leave your beloved man.
Reasons for women leaving their beloved men
· Away match. You have long sought this particular man, although he met with another woman. And having achieved, it turns out that everything is not so simple. His heart still does not belong to you. There is no reciprocity, as well as certainty in your relationship. As time goes on, the situation is aggravated by rumors and empty dialogs and a fear of touching upon a burning topic. And one day the moment comes when you tell yourself that perhaps you have enough. It’s better to let him go, than to suffer next.
· Favorite person is married. Your feelings are mutual, but he has a wife, a child, or even not one, which imposes certain moral obligations. He claims that he loves only you, and you will certainly be together, only the child will grow up, the wife will go to work, a new apartment will appear ... Time is running out, the child has grown, a new apartment has been bought, but the situation does not change. The role of a lover is firmly stuck to you, only she has ceased to suit you.
· Reluctance to have a child. Natural desire of a woman to have a child from her beloved. But men are not always ready to shoulder the burden of parental responsibilities. The apartment has not yet been purchased, the dissertation has not been completed, and the material base has not been prepared. The process drags on for many years, or even decades. And you are horrified to understand that a little more, and you will remain without a family and children, because everything suits him.
· Addiction and alcoholism. Everything was not obvious while you were dating. Maybe you noticed something, but did not attach any importance to it. When they began to live together, the picture appeared in all its ugliness. Beloved, it turns out, likes to cheer himself up with alcohol or drugs. Over time, it comes to the realization that in a protracted struggle with vice you hopelessly lose.
A man regularly promises to start a new life, but habits are not so easy to eradicate. Life takes on a cyclical character - from a light encouraging period to a gloomy state of hard drinking and vice versa. If you are not ready to devote your life to the dubious cause of saving a weak-willed man, then the best way out of this situation is to part with him.
· Total dominance. Beloved man is trying to control every step you take. He knows better where to work, with whom to communicate, how to spend free time, what to dress. At first, you might even like such control, because your man is the most intelligent, responsible and prudent.
But over time, the sharp narrowing of the zone of personal space begins to annoy, there is a desire to free oneself from excessive control. You are a full-fledged mature personality who has the right to independently solve his problems. And, if a beloved man categorically does not want to understand you, it is better to part with him, so as not to completely lose yourself as a person.
How to make a man leave?
If you love man, you understand very well how hard it will be for you after parting. For most women, the option of leaving a man is preferable to leaving herself. The burden of responsibility for the decision is redistributed, as it were, between the two main characters of worldly drama. Yes, and most women do not want to injure the psyche of a loved one in the final relationship.
If you, after weighing all the pros and cons, decided to leave the beloved man, to arrange goodbye scandals and hysteria is pointless and unpromising. It’s much more effective in a calm environment to explain that you don’t see any reason to continue the relationship.
Beloved man can understand your position, and maybe reject your arguments as insignificant. In this case, successive actions to oust it from your life are effective. You find new hobbies for yourself, spend time with friends, refuse marital proximity, do not wash or iron his clothes. The plot of the action is built as if it is no longer in your life.
The hardest and most unpleasant plot development option - put a suitcase with things out the door with words; "Everything sweet, this is the finale!". But such a finale is fraught with negative consequences and is suitable if the lover desperately clings to the comfort and financial well-being provided to him in cohabitation. This problem is especially relevant when a loved one is an alcoholic or drug addict.
How to get away from your beloved man and forget him?
To leave hard enough, but even harder to forget. Again, the whole point is the sequence of steps taken.
No need to blame yourself for decision! If a solution appears, then there were prerequisites.
Dispense with parting without high-profile scandals, clarification of relationships and mutual reproaches is quite difficult, but quite possible. It is very important to choose the right moment for a decisive explanation. Beloved man is also a living person with his problems and feelings. Like any other in his life, a black streak can occur - he had an accident, the promised money was not paid. Do not aggravate the situation by talking about the break, he will bear it much harder than in other periods of life.
Also not worth it overshadow the joy from success achieved, for example, received the long-awaited promotion or concluded a profitable contract. The final conversation in calm tones is best done in a pleasant environment. A decent cafe is ideal. Insults and claims are not needed, you have so much to do with this person.
If you love understandit’s a chance to stay on friendly terms. If he turned out to be impenetrable and wants to leave everything in the same positions, then the chances of a good relationship after parting are reduced to zero. In this case, having gathered the will into a fist, you need to leave without looking back.
No matter how hard it was after parting, life improves over time and can throw a lot of pleasant surprises. Do not just despair to rush into a new relationship in order to quickly supplant the image of a loved one. This is fraught with new problems that you do not need.
It would seem, why leave your loved one? But what about your feelings for him? You can’t just take and cross them out, stop loving ... But not everything is so simple. You can love a person and at the same time understand that you cannot be together for one reason or another. It's very hard to feel how conflicting feelings literally tear you in half. How to get away from your beloved man? It is always very, very difficult, but nothing is impossible.
You must decide firmly
If you doubt whether it is worth leaving the man, or the relationship or you can still fix it, do not leave. Try to fix everything. Only by deciding firmly that you can’t do anything, that you, although you love each other, but because of some insurmountable contradictions or circumstances, cannot be together. Or maybe the man doesn’t love you at all, but only uses your bright feelings. Then run away from him as soon as you realize that this is indeed so.
No tantrums, calmly
There is no need to arrange tantrums and scandals - this is absolutely superfluous. Peacefully argue your decision to leave from a beloved man. Your arguments must be weighty, otherwise your explanation of the reasons for your decision to quit a man can turn into a dispute, and from a dispute into a scandal, which you so want to avoid.
There are two options: if a man really loves you, he will let you go, but if a sense of ownership leaps up in him, then he does not love you. Having understood this, it will be easier for you to go for a divorce. And you can get a divorce, even if the spouse does not give consent to the divorce process, it just takes more time.
Cry, suffer
So you went through a divorce, but your heart breaks with longing. Cry, suffer, pay all the tears - after that it will only become easier for you. Not immediately, gradually, but life will begin to improve. Spend more time with friends and parents, as well as other family members - brothers, sisters and so on - they will help you to bounce back.
Be open to everything new
Change work to one that will bring you more pleasure, go on vacation to a place where you have never been before, in general, be open to everything new.
