Why it's good to talk to yourself.

A man is walking along the street, he mutters to himself, smiles or frowns, argues animatedly with himself. Passers-by react differently - someone twists a finger at the temple, someone calmly walks past - and they didn’t see that, again, well, what’s strange, the person says to himself. But what if there is no good interlocutor nearby ?!

It's nice to talk to a smart person. Especially if this intelligent person is always with you - you yourself. Of course, people expressively communicating with themselves out loud on the street are still a sad picture, reminding someone of Robinson Crusoe, someone about a psychiatric hospital, someone about a prison, someone about impending insanity.

But in fact, let's be honest: more than with ourselves, we are not talking to anyone. That is, we are talking to ourselves. About yourself beloved yourself.

Psychologists say that a person speaks to himself about 70% of the time. We tend to believe it. Our inner voice gives us advice, teaches us how to live, reminds us of necessary purchases and deeds, and evaluates whether we did our job well. Now, when you read these lines, you probably already started an internal argument, discussing some of my phrases or continuing them. Of course, you did not say it out loud, but you probably already started talking .... Someone calls communication and, most importantly, listening to an internal voice intuition, someone logic, but these internal stories - this is our internal dialogue.

Source of internal strategies
  or who speaks in our head?

Remember the bearded joke? A cowboy runs away from the Indians and thinks: "This is the end!"
An inner voice tells: “No, this is not the end. We must climb the highest tree. "
He gets in.
Indians set fire to a tree.
“Now it's over!” The cowboy understands.
“No,” says the inner voice, “we need to shoot the leader.” A cowboy shoots, the Indians viciously felled a tree. “Now - the end!” - states the inner voice with satisfaction.

There are many anecdotes about a person’s conversation with himself, in which, as a rule, the inner voice gives a lot of useful tips, which in the final, still destroy the life or health of its owner. In these jokes, the inner voice becomes, as it were, the voice-over voice of Kopelyan in the film about Stirlitz - this is a separate creature that knows much more than its “outer shell”. But what is it really like, our inner voice, leading an internal dialogue with us - where does it come from, why do we need it and how to deal with it so that it does not destroy anything in our life, like its double from jokes?

Watching small children, all parents notice that the child often speaks to himself, commenting on their actions. And he doesn’t say all these “put the cube on the cube” per teacher — he thus learns to think in the language.

For some people, the habit of commenting on their actions out loud remains - we all saw the process of finding the right thing, when a person, walking around the room, reasoning out loud: “Where could I put it? Came yesterday in this jacket, maybe in your pocket? No, I’ll have to go to the kitchen and see if I’ve laid it out ... ”

This process is very understandable to people who are already learning a foreign language in adulthood: at some point there is a desire to pronounce their actions in a new language, and then comes the statement of the fact: "I started to think in this language."

Internal dialogue helps us not only to formalize in words, but also to form an internal picture of the world. And sometimes it even completely replaces it with oneself. For example, a man walked and stumbled. What does the inner voice say? "Here you have freaks, stones." That is, an inner voice informed that the world is not perfect. Another person at this moment thinks: “Well, here, as you put on your white shoes, you will immediately fall into the dirt, and in general - always with you.” An inner voice said that it was not the world that was imperfect, but this stumbling man. The third inner voice consoled: “Well, nothing, it's nothing, and in general everything will be fine, life is like a zebra ...”

Where do all these voices come from? A very large number of voices sounding inside us (we take not a clinical case when angels or demons are talking to a person, but a normal person, inside of which there is a discussion of his actions and deeds) - originally from childhood. These action comments are most often what a small person hears from their parents. Our internal dialogue shapes our self-esteem!

If you listen, the words that sound in the head of an adult often have a very clear “initial” affiliation: if you ask a person to think about who says certain words in his head, then, after thinking, he will say in surprise: “That’s what mom said!”

Indeed, the process of finding our “inner friend”, which forms our self-esteem, is as follows: a little man is going to kindergarten, and his mother, hurrying to work, hurries him irritably: “Kulema, come on quick, you dig forever, one trouble is with you ! "

If a child often hears such a text in childhood, he begins to relate to himself in this way further. Remember how in "Alice in Wonderland"? "If you call a pig out loud, from the cradle they say, bayushka-bai, Even the most humble little child will turn into a pig in the future."

Well, in a pig, not in a pig, but, of course, my mother’s voice is “recorded” on a tape recorder in a person’s head - and then through life, a person begins to say this text to himself at “right” moments. And if this very kid buries himself in the kindergarten with things, and no one notices this, the “watchful mother” will still say in her head - and now the baby, pulling his boots over his legs and tying a scarf, says to himself: “Well, kulema, forever you dig! ”

Those words that the child most often hears, then form his life strategies. And annoyed mother's words form losers.

It is clear that we have already inherited the set of internal voices that we received. You can do a lot of things with him too, we will definitely talk about this. But what conclusions can we draw for ourselves about the “records” with the recording of votes?

First, psychologists have noticed that 70% of people who engage in internal dialogue look at themselves through the eyes of someone who does not love them, finds fault with them, and evaluates them not for the better. The way out suggests itself. Let's put in place the one who loves us! Let him, as a writer, admire his character (that is, us), say: “Ah, how beautiful her cheeks are today ...!” You can learn from the example of how Leo Tolstoy described Natasha Rostov, her beloved heroine. Why are we worse? It's all up to us!

At the same time, we can begin to shape the strategies of our children by offering them “winning” strategies. We taught my little son to eat with a spoon while conducting this experiment. They showed - you take, bring, swallow. He carefully performed everything, after each “successful” spoon we shouted: “Well done!”. The next day, the son himself ate and shouted to himself, "Madeyes." But what is remarkable - and now, if he does something, he says to himself “well done!”. Bye out loud. But I think that soon he will learn to speak to himself with a “good inner voice” and inside. It is important that now he knows that he is good.

But what do we adults do when the inner voice tells us nasty things ?!

Well, firstly, the most important thing is not to start arguing with him internally, like the same cowboy. Who are you arguing with ?! If the internal dialogue is the voice of people who are authoritative for us, it is difficult to argue with them. And besides, starting to argue, we recognize the right of an internal voice to a separate existence. But these thoughts are our property, they are part of us!

What do you think if I suggest you get your finger to bend? Bullshit, right? When we need, we simply bend our finger. You must also deal with the inner voice - this is your inner voice, and in order to control it, you must first treat it not as a living being, but as a finger.

And this means that you can try to somehow transform it, "bend".

Conduct an experiment: try a text condemning you, “well, you always do this, reach the last, and then you suffer” say:

• 2 times faster
• the voice of disney cartoons
• or, on the contrary, stretch these words, sing in a voice of Chaliapin: "well ... what are you .... again ... ...."

Is it possible to maintain attention on the "tragic and condemning" sense of the phrase?

Notice your attitude? Are you still upset? Is this squeaking about “again you did not do the job” - is the information still significant for you?

A friend of mine experienced great difficulties when meeting with girls: he, a man who was very interesting in appearance, thought that the girls did not like him. Each time he met a girl, he scrolled the following text in his head: “She will tell you, where you came from, there are many of you like that ...” As a result, he was offended in advance - and did not get to know the girl. Or he was going to get acquainted, but already with such an expression on his face that did not have for acquaintance - and really got such an answer.

The fact is that our internal dialogs are reflected in the body, and the person inside of which the text “behold, again you behave like an idiot” sounds can cause such a reaction. The funny thing is that in the finale we begin to relate to the interlocutor (in this case, to the girl) as if he really gave a predictable answer.

But this can and must be changed!

With my acquaintances, we spoke in a “cartoonish” voice the entire text of the girl’s imaginary “refusal”, in the finale I necessarily added: “Well, isn’t it funny for myself?” He laughed, and this cheerful attitude helped him to build real dialogs with real ones later, not imaginary girls.

An internal dialogue is not something that is given once and for all, it can be controlled. What do you do if suddenly on the radio in the car starts to play not like music? Switch to another wave, make it quieter or turn it off completely. You can also switch the record of the inner voice, or you can make it quieter. Ask yourself where your inner voice comes from. For example, mentally transfer it to the knee or the little finger ... What is the relation to the little finger who dares to condemn you, being at a distance of eighty meters ?!

Speaking of conversations with imaginary girls. The fact is that the “series” - the dialogs and even the whole situations that we scroll in our heads - are usually irrelevant to reality. This, of course, is a good opportunity to take your head, for example, while you are going to a meeting, but there is a danger that at the real meeting your interlocutor simply does not understand the reasons for your condition.

For example, a husband returns home late and thinks: “I’ll come, my wife will say why later, I worked - I know your job, I suppose they took beer with Sidorov - yes, we don’t drink beer for a long time - that means, vodka ...” ... The man thought - and forgot, but on the threshold instead of “hello dear” he throws: “All your life you broke me!” After all, the “wife in the head” had already driven him into a corner. And even if the wife is happy to see him and does not say anything, the negative will still burst from him.

In this dialogue between husband and wife, there are not 2 people, but four: she is married to an idiot, he is married to a bitch, and each one speaks not with a real spouse, but with the one in his head.

The trouble is that our most vile opponents, wives, husbands and critics are sitting in our heads. The happiness is that real people are not so terrible and nasty!

Why often nothing changes in life with a change of work or wife? Because nothing has changed inside: the face of the boss or wife has changed, but that “inner boss” and that “inner wife” that were there remained.

So isn’t it better here to “change the record”, forbid yourself to play the “series” about the bitch - and to show yourself, for example, a love comedy with the wife in the title role. And you will see, this will change your intonation and that person with whom you appear on the doorstep. And accordingly, the text that will meet you will also change.

Human brain virus

Another negative feature of our internal dialogue is that it   eats away attentionlike a computer virus ..

The conscious attention of a person is limited. Living in a huge flow of information, we are aware of 7 + - 2 objects. Now, when you read this article, do you pay attention to the sounds that are around?

If so, how many do you hear? How many windows are in the room where you are sitting? If the information that we have is not important at the moment, we switch. This ability protects us, but also interferes: when an internal dialogue takes place, it takes a lot of our attention on itself - and we may not notice the masses of important things in the outside world.

For example, the same acquaintance of mine, while he was saying “negative speech” for the girl, did not notice how other girls looked at him with interest at that time.

Gurdjieff offered his students this meditation: choose a rose and begin to contemplate it in silence. How long can you do this?

A person usually looks for three seconds, then starts talking to himself: “Was it bought in the passage or in the store? I wonder what grade it is? Dutch, probably. I wonder if she smells? Now all the roses have stopped smelling, but 10 years ago ... "

It turns out that most of us cannot just contemplate for one minute without speaking inside. This dialogue takes us away from reality, making us smart, right, but preventing us from absorbing any other knowledge. He is not bad, but he prevents us from perceiving reality correctly, immerses us inside ourselves - instead of letting us look at the world. When we are absorbed in an internal dialogue, all our forces and emotions go to it, and real sensations become dull.

So, for example, the internal dialogue in sex is terribly interfering. Anything is spinning in a person’s head: “But it’s interesting, did he read the Kama Sutra?” “But what if he turns on the light and sees how fat I am ...”, “It’s necessary to whitewash the ceiling”, “and what will mom say ?!” And this does not contribute to the pleasure of bodily contact. Why do many people like alcohol? He kicks out an inner voice in which there are always many prohibitions and morals.

No wonder there are techniques to turn off the internal dialogue. Learning to “turn off” it is difficult, but you can after some training.

For example, one of them: find in the visual channel and select 3 points: one is close, the other is far, the third is in the middle, but not on 1 line. For example, the edge of the magazine, the window, the house outside the window. Try to focus on all three points at the same time. There is a slight defocus of vision - but this is what we achieved.

Now is the rumor. Choose three sounds: inside your body (for example, breathing), the second next (for example, a buzzing computer), the third - far (steps outside the window). Continuing to keep sight with three points - listen to three sounds. And now select the three points on your body that are located as far from each other as possible, for example, the thumb of the right foot, the point on the back, and the point on the cheek. Connect this feeling to the already found points of hearing and gaze ...

Welcome back. Noticed that it is completely impossible to continue the internal dialogue - and do this exercise? As soon as you begin to say: “Where do they all run away ?!” - at this moment you stop seeing, hearing and feeling? And this explains, by the way, a great trick in which they put good music and light candles for a good love evening - changes in sound and the fluctuating shadow from the candles attract attention and load most of the channels of perception of the world, helping to “drown out” the inner voices.

But this rule of “turning off” the inner voice will be very useful not only in love, but also in business. At negotiation training sessions, we often draw the attention of participants to the fact that if they are negotiating full of internal dialogue, they are negotiating with a virtual character.

If you go to a business shark, you will fight with him, without even noticing, it may be that he is not a shark: you have already rehearsed everything that you say and that they will answer you. And at the trainings we teach: in a situation of business communication, an internal dialogue is an aid to us after the fact, not instead, but before the negotiations there should be an “uptime state” - “dissolved in time”.

Why stop the dialogue?

One of the areas of psychology says that very often in our subconscious mind there are answers to our main questions, but the dialogue that sounds inside is the gateway that does not allow this resource to be extracted. By stopping it, we can get the answer to the question. He drowns out all the channels, we have headphones on our ears - and we don’t hear the “voice of God” ...

The basic principles of prayer in many religions: smells, body, eyesight, singing, fully engage your attention, you dive into it, pray (sometimes it’s even a monotonous repetition of the same “mantra”, in the process, you forget about your question, but it’s nowhere does not disappear, and when in the process of prayer the subconscious is activated (or you can consider this as a hint of higher powers, each according to faith) –– you will receive answers.

Another property of internal dialogue is that it is constantly thinks.

For example, the boss frowned at you. What is this talking about? The internal dialogue immediately thinks over: “Yeah, I came 5 minutes later, maybe he is dissatisfied with this and wants to express it to me” ... Or “probably, a check is coming soon” ...

Find 10 reasons why the boss frowned - and the neurosis is provided. Or maybe the boss got stung shoes? Or headache? In the end, maybe he is conducting an internal dialogue with his wife in the head - and not with you at all?

What to do? Do not speculate - either ask a question directly to the boss, and learn everything from him, or ignore it. And you will be upset already when the boss draws up his dissatisfaction with words or takes some action. After all, is internal dialogue your ally or another enemy?

Mood and condition

Our internal dialogues are very dependent on our mood and condition, and we all know this in practice too. Mood - from the word "tune". Piano tuners tune pianos. We, in fact, must be able to tune ourselves, bring ourselves into the mood. And we treat the mood as if it does not depend on us: "I have no mood today!" Meanwhile, you can set yourself up for both good and bad. If you want something bad, read as much criminal news as possible, watch militants from Soviet reality, talk in the yard about what’s worse, remember that you’re getting old, find defects in your clothes. And if you, having set yourself up in this way, were going to negotiate, you can at the same time explain in advance why they will fail.

Which of us needs this mood? To nobody. Let’s then learn to tune in to positive. For example, we will count the pros in our lives. Your inner voice is indignant: "Where can I find the pros!" Change his intonation from indignant to interrogative - and let's look.

Write down 10 good events that happened to you in a day. From global (“issued a prize”) to small (“comfortable shoes”). The resisting, harmful inner voice sarcastically asks: “Where am I going to scrape so many of them ?!” Scrape, try. Pay attention to the surroundings. See what you like about yourself. Even, let's say, if you say: “Nails have nothing ...” is already a step. Pay attention to the happy faces in the crowd. Yes, of course, there are not only happy faces, but there are petals in the rose, and there are thorns - concentrate on the petals. And then let your inner voice ask you: “What else will make me happy this day?” Answer. Only - without irony!

summarizesand rides along the rails that are, and we are laying these rails. Thus, you allow your inner voice to record another, optimistic, record. All methods of auto-training help to change the rails for the inner voice and give it a good mood.

Another important word is “condition”. Literally means - what are we standing next to?

Buddhists have a practice of standing next to Buddha statues in the same position. I do not propose to do this, but let's pay attention to what we are next to, who is surrounding us? Those who say “what are all the bastards” - or people who smile? What books and films do we watch? With this we charge, setting the rails for the internal dialogue. Let's use mood and condition  as directed, guide them and have fun.

Well, firstly, it is practically impossible and only people who have been cultivating in higher spiritual practices for many years succeed. And secondly, we need him - just need to make him a friend. After all, he:

1. helps us to be in society, to think in words. You probably noticed that people who are constantly in meditation (the option is immersed in working with a computer and its details), from the point of view of ordinary people, are not very comfortable in communicating, because for them wording out loud thoughts is a very hard job?

1. allows you to remember the sequence of events

1. helps to think through a system of public entry - only BEFORE and AFTER, but most importantly - not on time! After all, this is ridiculous when a person speaks to himself, not noticing that the audience is already sleeping. The internal dialogue should be constructive, carry positive emotions, help achieve goals. Help structure experience, not replace it.

1. helps us to be in a blessed state - if, of course, we have worked on this. As the Russian people say, “you will not praise yourself - no one will praise”

Internal dialogue is what allows us to look smart, the main thing is that we should still have time to get feedback and reaction to it.

Well, but if you really, really want to continue dialogues with your only friend - your choice. Nowadays, these dialogs are becoming even more comfortable: hang the accessories of a mobile phone in your ear - and speak in all honesty, no one will think that this is not a telephone conversation with yourself. But it’s always nice to talk with a really smart person!

Are you talking to yourself? When we hear people talking to themselves out loud, we at least find this strange. But have you noticed that all people, without exception, speak to themselves? Only this we no longer find it strange.

If someone tells you unpleasant things, what are you doing? You begin to take anger into your mind! You can imagine yourself angry, you can scream at him or say something that can offend his pride. But sometimes, people spend hours exposing themselves to a negative dialogue.

In the head of each person there is a continuous conversation, on which he spends a lot of energy, time and attention. This conversation continues from the moment of awakening from sleep and falling asleep.

The internal dialogue occurs constantly when you work, study, read, watch TV, talk, walk or eat. There is a constant assessment of people, commenting on what is happening, planning and analysis of dialogue with people.

This inner dialogue is similar to the snowball effect. The more time we spend talking with ourselves, the more we become attached to the internal dialogue. Emotions and internal energy join the internal dialogue, which in turn leads to a negative impact on behavior, decision making and the overall performance of a person.

In many cases, internal dialogue is negative; it reinforces any negative attitude and behavior. Only a few people have enough faith in themselves and in their abilities to conduct a positive internal dialogue. This process and the effect of a positive internal dialogue becomes similar to positive statements. Constant thinking in such a rhythm affects the subconscious, which in turn perceives these words and thoughts. A negative internal dialogue leads to negative results, and a positive internal dialogue, on the contrary, causes positive results.

And you can use this process to your advantage. It is active even when you are not aware of it. But if you understand and realize this, you get the opportunity to manage the internal dialogue in your favor. You can turn it into a positive dialogue, and when that happens, then you realize that you have great power at your disposal.

Try to be aware of the thoughts that come to your mind. Watch calmly what is happening in your head, even if after a few minutes you can forget that you are doing this. The internal dialogue continues, even if at this time you are doing something physically, because it is not so easy to mentally separate yourself from your thoughts, from the internal dialogue.

Again and again, pay your attention to what is happening in your head, and, in the end, you will be able to realize the internal dialogue even faster. Watch what happens in your head while developing internal strength.

Whenever you catch yourself in a useless conversation with yourself, stop the internal dialogue and direct your thinking to something good and more productive. Change the subject and words, just like an audio tape recorder works - you can change the tape at any time. Change the words of your internal dialogue to positive thoughts about good health, happiness, and success.

There is another great ability, but its development requires a lot of concentration and willpower - you can try to stop the internal dialogue in general. Try to ignore the internal dialogue by sending your attention to "vacation." Let your mind calm down. Life will certainly continue, even if the internal dialogue is stopped. Allow your brain a little rest from time to time.

Internal dialogue can sometimes be useful, but more often it’s just useless, incessant chatter that distracts your attention from what you are doing in a given period of time. By stopping the internal dialogue, as well as changing your thinking to something positive, you get the opportunity to manage it. There will soon be a separate discussion about stopping the internal dialogue, and in addition, it should be noted that this ability is of great importance in self-improvement.

We will not reveal a big secret if we say that all people talk with their own selves. Usually this is a monologue that no one hears, sometimes men and women express their thoughts verbally without having a listener nearby. Paying attention to this feature, you should not panic and think about mental abnormalities. In most cases, according to competent scientists, talking with yourself is not considered a pathology. Rather, it is a natural way to protect yourself from loneliness and verbally throw out the accumulated emotions. However, there are situations when such communication becomes a clear signal of problems with the psyche. How to understand, if a person talks to himself out loud, is this a diagnosis or a norm of behavior?

Features of verbal communication

Many people come to the psychologist with a complaint: "I’m talking to myself!" They seek help from qualified professionals, considering such behavior a sign of serious nervous breakdown. To figure out why a person is talking to himself out loud or mentally, the doctor will conduct a large survey, trying to distinguish the norm from the deviation. Based on the results of the studies, appropriate measures will be taken.

Before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to determine what is called normal behavior, and in which cases we can talk about developing mental disorder.

Internal monologue

For closed introverts, talking to yourself is normal. People of this psychotype are reluctant to make contact with others, do not allow outsiders to penetrate their personal lives, they live in their own harmonious world. They often do not need an interlocutor, preferring to experience all situations mentally, discussing their causes and consequences in their heads.

Outgoing dialogues are also conducted by sociable individuals. A person speaks to himself from childhood, as soon as he has learned to understand the changes around him. Psychologists argue that such conversations contribute to the continuous development of personality, help to put in order thoughts and make the right decisions. During internal communication, the functioning of the brain improves, due to which the information received is quickly perceived and processed, observation and attentiveness increase several times. According to scientists, people who pronounce the problem to themselves are more successful in life than those who are not peculiar to such conversations.

Talking out loud

Talking with oneself is the first sign of loneliness. They replace real communication with a person, but the need for such conversations disappears when an interesting interlocutor appears. Is it normal to talk to yourself out loud?

Experts say that conducting such a monologue is useful - it helps stimulate brain activity, the processes of perception and assimilation of information are rapidly activated. Speaking any problem out loud, a person will quickly understand what actions to take to solve it.

Conversation with an imaginary interlocutor

Much more serious concerns are caused by the situation if a person talks to himself, imagining the interlocutor. He conducts a dialogue with an invisible surrounding opponent, answers questions or asks them independently. This strange behavior is a sign of psychological distress. In a state of psychosis, sick individuals can be a danger to themselves and loved ones, their actions cannot be predicted or controlled.

Auditory hallucinations - the main symptom of a mental disorder

Normally, if a man or a woman declares: "I speak to myself out loud, memorizing educational material, wanting to evaluate my actions or express doubts." This means that they want to fully absorb or understand the information by speaking it. Such behavior among specialists will not cause any complaints.

Another thing is when, not noticing anyone around, a person speaks up - the causes of this phenomenon may be in the incorrect functioning of the psyche. Auditory hallucinations are a false perception of reality, a reaction to an external stimulus, which in reality does not exist. A mentally unhealthy individual hears voices, answers them and conducts a conversation with an invisible interlocutor. These alarming symptoms confirm the need to show the individual a doctor who can make the correct diagnosis by analyzing the patient's complaints and general behavior.

A disease when a person is talking to himself can develop for the following reasons:

• prolonged depression;
• severe stress;
• violation of sleep and rest;
• constant mental stress;
• wrong lifestyle;
• high anxiety;
• lack of joyful events;
• pessimistic attitude.

Persistent auditory and visual hallucinations can be symptoms of serious mental illness - schizophrenia or a split personality. These are serious illnesses, as a result of which men and women lose touch with the real world. However, do not rush to independently diagnose the disease with yourself or your friends. Only a specialist in the field of psychiatry can talk with himself out loud with a disappointing diagnosis.

Differences of schizophrenia from a split personality

These two diseases have similar symptoms and cardinal differences. Schizophrenia is a brain dysfunction. This disease can be inherited or obtained due to the influence of a number of exogenous and endogenous factors. The first manifestations of mental disorder in the male are noticeable in adolescence and at the age of 25 years, in the female - from 20 to 30 years.

A split personality is not schizophrenia. This mental disorder is not congenital, but acquired due to certain negative events in life or injuries received in childhood. Additional personalities arise as a result of the individual’s desire to overcome the consequences of an emotional blow, in severe cases, one of them fully controls behavior, becoming dominant.

Both diseases are characterized by the same symptoms:

• i am talking to myself - an inadequate individual communicates with a fictitious interlocutor;
• manifest in adolescence;
• difficulties in learning and mastering any material;
• distance from reality.

Distinguish schizophrenia and split personality can only be a qualified doctor. Based on the diagnosis, adequate treatment will be prescribed.

How to stop talking to yourself? If your case fits the description of the norm, then you should not worry - the voiced thoughts will only help in solving life's difficulties. Medical assistance should be sought when an imaginary interlocutor “connects” to the dialogues, auditory hallucinations and inappropriate behavior appear.

Internal dialogue has nothing to do with schizophrenia. Everyone has voices in their heads: we ourselves (our personality, character, experience) speak to ourselves, because our I consists of several parts, and the psyche is very complicated. Thinking and reflection are impossible without internal dialogue. However, it is not always, however, framed as a conversation, and it is not always that part of the remarks seems to utter the voices of other people - as a rule, relatives. A “voice in the head” can also sound like one’s own, or it can “belong” to a completely stranger: a classic of literature, a beloved singer.

From the point of view of psychology, an internal dialogue is a problem only if it is developing so actively that it begins to interfere with a person in everyday life: distracts him, confuses him from thought. But more often this silent conversation “with oneself” becomes material for analysis, a field for searching for sore spots and a testing ground for developing a rare and valuable ability to understand and support oneself.

Novel

sociologist, marketer

It is difficult for me to single out any characteristics of the inner voice: shades, timbre, intonation. I understand that this is my voice, but I hear it in a completely different way, not like the others: it is more booming, low, rude. Usually in an internal dialogue I imagine an acting role model of some situation, hidden direct speech. For example, - what would I say to one or another public (moreover, the public can be very different: from casual passers-by to clients of my company). I need to convince them, to convey my thoughts to them. Usually I also lose intonation, emotion and expression.

At the same time, there is no discussion as such: there is an internal monologue with reflections like: “What if?”. Does it ever happen that I call myself an idiot? It happens. But this is not a condemnation, but rather a cross between annoyance and a statement of fact.

If I need a third-party opinion, I change the prism: for example, I try to imagine what one of the classics of sociology would say. The sound of the voices of the classics is no different from mine: I remember exactly the logic and the “optics”. I distinguish vividly alien voices only in a dream, and they are accurately modeled by real counterparts.

Anastasia

prepress specialist

In my case, the inner voice sounds like my own. Basically, he says: “Nastya, stop it,” “Nastya, don’t be dumb” and “Nastya, you are a fool!” This voice appears infrequently: when I feel uncollected, when my own actions cause me discontent. The voice is not angry - rather, annoyed.

I have never heard in my thoughts neither my mother's, my grandmother's, nor anyone else's voice: only mine. He can scold me, but within a certain framework: without humiliation. This voice, rather, like my coach: presses the buttons that prompt me to action.

Ivan

screenwriter

What I hear in my mind is not framed as a voice, but I recognize this person by the structure of thoughts: she looks like my mother. And even more precisely: this is an “internal editor” that explains how to make mother like it. For me, as a hereditary filmmaker, this is an unflattering name, because in the Soviet years for an artist (director, writer, playwright), an editor is a dumb protege of the regime, not a very educated censorship worker, reveling in his own power. It’s unpleasant to realize that such a type in you censors thoughts and cuts off wings of creativity in all areas.

The “internal editor” gives many of his comments on the case. However, the question is the purpose of this “case”. To summarize, he says: "Be like everyone and do not lean out." He feeds the inner coward. “You need to be an excellent student”, because it eliminates the problems. Everyone likes it. He makes it difficult to understand what I want myself, whispers that comfort is good, and the rest is later. This editor does not really allow me to be an adult in the good sense of the word. Not in the sense of dullness and lack of game space, but in the sense of maturity of a person.

I hear an inner voice, mainly in situations that remind me of childhood, or when a direct manifestation of the creative component and imagination is necessary. Sometimes I succumb to the "editor", and sometimes not. The most important thing is to recognize his intervention in time. Because it is well camouflaged, hiding behind pseudologic conclusions, which actually do not make sense. If I recognized him, I’m trying to understand what the problem is, what I want and where the truth really is. When this voice, for example, interferes with my work, I try to stop and go into the space of “complete emptiness”, starting from the beginning. The difficulty lies in the fact that the "editor" can be difficult to distinguish from simple common sense. To do this, you need to listen to intuition, move away from the meaning of words and concepts. Often this helps.

Irina

translator

My internal dialogue is framed as the voices of my grandmother and girlfriend Masha. These are people whom I considered close and important: I lived with my grandmother as a child, and Masha was there at a difficult time for me. Grandmother’s voice says that I have crooked hands and that I’m poor. And Masha’s voice repeats different things: that I got in touch with the wrong people again, I’m leading the wrong lifestyle and not doing what I need. They both always blame me. At the same time, voices appear at different times: when something does not work out for me - my grandmother “says”, and when everything works out for me and I feel good - Masha.

I react to the appearance of these voices aggressively: I try to silence them, I mentally argue with them. I tell them in return that I know better what and how to do with my life. Most often I get to argue with my inner voice. But if not, I feel guilty and I feel bad.

Kira

prose editor

Mentally, sometimes I hear my mother’s voice, which condemns me and devalues \u200b\u200bmy achievements, doubts me. This voice is always dissatisfied with me and says: “Why are you! Are you out of your mind? Better do profitable business: you have to earn. ” Or: "You must live like everyone else." Or: "You will not succeed: you are nobody." It appears if I have to take a bold step or take a risk. In such situations, the inner voice seems to be trying to manipulate (“mom is upset”) to incline me to the safest and most unremarkable course of action. In order for him to be satisfied, I must be imperceptible, diligent, and everyone should like it.

I also hear my own voice: he calls me not by name, but by the nickname that my friends came up with. Usually he sounds a little annoyed, but friendly, and says: “So. Stop it, "Well, what are you, baby" or "That's it, come on." It encourages me to concentrate or take action.

Ilya Shabshin

consultant psychologist, leading specialist of the Psychological Center on Volkhonka

This whole collection speaks of what psychologists know well: most of us have very strong internal criticism. We communicate with ourselves mainly in the language of negativity and rude words, using the whip method, and we have practically no self-support skills.

In Roman's commentary, I liked the technique, which I would even call psychotechnics: “If I need a third-party opinion, I try to imagine what one of the classics of sociology would say.” This technique can be used by people of different professions. In Eastern practices, there is even the concept of an “inner teacher” - a deep wise inner knowledge that can be addressed when it is difficult for you. A professional usually has one or another school or authority figures. Imagine one of them and ask what he would say or do - this is a productive approach.

A clear illustration of the general topic is Anastasia’s comment. A voice that sounds like your own and says: “Nastya, you are a fool! Do not be dumb. Stop it, ”is, of course, according to Eric Burn, the Criticizing Parent. It’s especially bad that a voice appears when it feels “unassembled” if its own actions cause dissatisfaction, that is, when, in theory, the person just needs to be supported. Instead, the voice trampled into the ground ... And although Anastasia writes that he acts without humiliation, this is a little comfort. Maybe, as a “trainer," he presses the wrong buttons, and it is not worth kicking, reproaching, or insulting to incite yourself to action? But, I repeat, such an interaction with oneself is, unfortunately, typical.

You can induce yourself to action by first removing fears, saying to yourself: “Nastya, everything is in order. It's okay, we’ll figure it out now. ” Or: "Here, look: it turned out well." "Well done, you can do it!" “And remember how then you did a great job?” This method is suitable for any person who is inclined to criticize himself.

In the text of Ivan, the last paragraph is important: the psychological algorithm for the struggle with the internal critic is described here. Point One: “Recognize Intervention.” Such a problem often arises: something negative is masked, hiding behind useful statements, penetrates a person’s soul and brings his own order there. Next, the analyst turns on, trying to understand what the problem is. According to Eric Burn, this is the adult part of the psyche, rational. Ivan even has authorial techniques: “to go out into the space of complete emptiness”, “to listen to intuition”, “to move away from the meaning of words and understand everything.” Well done! On the basis of general rules and a common understanding of what is happening, you need to find your approach to what is happening. As a psychologist, I applaud Ivan: he learned to speak well with himself. Well, what he is fighting with is a classic: the internal editor is the same critic.

“At school, we are taught to extract square roots and conduct chemical reactions, but they don’t teach us to communicate normally with ourselves anywhere”

Ivan has one more interesting observation: “One must not lean out and be an excellent student”. Kira notes the same thing. Her inner voice also says that she should be invisible and everyone should like. But this voice introduces its own alternative logic, because you can either be the best or not stick out. However, such statements are not taken from reality: all these are internal programs, psychological attitudes from various sources.

The setting “do not lean out” (like most others) is taken from upbringing: in childhood and adolescence, a person draws conclusions about how to live, gives himself instructions based on what he hears from parents, educators, and teachers.

In this regard, Irina’s example looks sad. Close and important people - a grandmother and a friend - tell her: "You have crooked hands, and you are unlucky," "you live wrong." There is a vicious circle: the grandmother condemns her when something does not work, and her friend - when everything is fine. Total criticism! Neither when it is good nor when it is bad, there is no support and comfort. Always minus, always negative: either you are unintelligible, or something else is wrong with you.

But Irina is great, she behaves like a fighter: she makes the voices fall silent or argues with them. So it is necessary to act: the power of the critic, whoever he is, must be weakened. Irina says that more often than not she gets an argument, - by this phrase it can be assumed that the opponent is strong. And in this regard, I would suggest that she try other ways: firstly (since she hears it like a voice), imagine that it comes from the radio, and she turns the volume knob towards the minimum, so that the voice fades, it gets worse is heard. Then, probably, his power will weaken, and it will become easier to argue with him - or even just to brush him aside. After all, such an internal struggle creates quite a lot of tension. Moreover, Irina writes at the end that she feels guilty if she cannot argue.

Negative ideas penetrate deeply into our psyche in the early stages of its development, and it is especially easy in childhood, when they come from large authoritative figures, which, in fact, cannot be argued with. The child is small, and around him are the huge, important, strong masters of this world - adults, on whom his life depends. There is no arguing here.

In adolescence, we also solve complex problems: we want to show ourselves and others that you are already an adult, not a small one, although in reality, at heart, you understand that this is not entirely true. Many teenagers become vulnerable, although they look prickly in appearance. At this time, statements about yourself, about your appearance, about who you are and what you are, fall into the soul and later become dissatisfied with inner voices that scold and criticize. We talk to ourselves so badly, so disgustingly, as we would never talk to other people. You will never say anything like that to a friend - and in your head your voices towards you can easily allow yourself that.

To correct them, first of all, you need to realize: “Not always what sounds in my head is sensible thoughts. There may be opinions and judgments, simply learned once. They don’t help me, it’s not useful to me, and their advice doesn’t lead to anything good. ” We need to learn how to recognize them and deal with them: refute, muffle or otherwise remove the inner critic from us, replacing him with an internal friend who provides support, especially when it is bad or difficult.

At school, we are taught to extract square roots and conduct chemical reactions, but they don’t teach us to communicate normally with ourselves anywhere. Instead of self-criticism, you need to cultivate healthy self-support in yourself. Of course, you do not need to draw holiness nimbus around your own head. When it’s difficult, you need to be able to encourage yourself, support, praise, remind yourself of successes, achievements and strengths. Do not humiliate yourself as a person. Say to yourself: “In a specific area, at a particular moment, I can make a mistake. But this has nothing to do with my human dignity. My dignity, my positive attitude towards myself as a person is an unshakable foundation. And mistakes are normal and even good: I will learn a lesson from them, I will develop and move on. ”

Do not be shy to admit that you are talking to yourself. This is not at all embarrassing - on the contrary, this feature speaks of incredible potential. As proved by scientists, people who back up their actions with mental clues or just related phrases turn out to be geniuses! So, if you are one of those who constantly mutters something under his breath, you can be proud of it.

Experimental study

A practicing psychologist, Gary Lupian, decided to test how internal conversation is related to memory mechanisms. To do this, he selected 20 volunteers who demonstrated several objects. Then all the people were asked to remember what kind of objects they were. All participants in the experiment were divided into two groups: those who listed the names out loud, and those who completed the task silently. According to the analysis of the collected data, the scientist determined that people who used the verbal form of expression of thought, were able to quickly remember objects. Silence, however, lagged behind them by about 50-100 milliseconds.

Gary himself noticed that quite often he talks to himself when looking for something, for example, in a supermarket. This is what prompted him to create such an amazing experiment. Also, a psychologist researcher identified a number of reasons why geniuses are having an internal conversation.

It develops memory processes.

By making verbal guidance, a person activates the sensory mechanisms of the brain. Roughly speaking, this is how he helps himself to think. The brain is guided by what has been said and processes information much faster.

It’s easier to concentrate.

If you pronounce the name of an object, then all thoughts will be directed only to it. In this case, you will not be distracted by foreign objects. However, Gary Lupian argues that this rule only applies if a person knows what the desired item looks like. By the way, many scientists agree with him in this statement. When you talk about a familiar subject, the brain immediately reproduces its image. If the thing is not familiar to you, then thought processes come to a standstill. Naturally, focusing is unlikely to be possible.

Great way to “put thoughts on the shelves”

An excellent example of the effect of internal communication in this case is an attempt to calm oneself in anger. When a person is angry, he acts on emotions, and his thoughts are ahead of the mind. Conversation with oneself helps to return to reality. In this way, thoughts are cleared of aggressive emotions and become more constructive.