Why doesn’t he leave his wife? He left his wife and children.
Couples break up for various reasons. Someone meets another person on the way, someone is embarrassed by hateful relations, but in any case it is very important to part on a positive note, because for many years this person was the closest and did not want to inflict severe suffering on him. How to get away from his wife will be described in this article.
How to leave your wife painlessly?
First of all, we must immediately say that ignoring calls and taking things quietly when the spouse is not at home is the destiny of the weak and cowards, and therefore it is necessary to carefully prepare for the conversation. Choose the right time and place and calmly, without raising your voice and not making claims, voice your decision. It is possible to criticize a spouse and say what is bad only when there is a chance to save, otherwise it is useless. All subsequent missus tirade must be sustained steadfastly and with restraint. In the end, this is a surprise for her, and unpleasant, and she has the right to speak out to ease stress for herself.
Those wishing to find out how to leave their wife properly can be recommended to promise her financial assistance at least for the first time, while 
without humiliating her feminine and human dignity. Of course, if there are children in the family, then it is very important to let the spouse understand that they will not need anything and will always be able to count on the help and support of the father. It is possible to get away from a wife in the way that the heart and one's own moral principles command. In the end, this man was once loved and occupied one of the main places in life. You can always find words that would not hurt your spouse and allow you to remain, if not friends, then not strangers. You can advise your wife to safely seek help and try to maximize ease her situation after a divorce.
I am 33, my wife 30. A year ago I left my wife and two sons as a result of long quarrels.
Of course, both are to blame. And to this day, with each other in strained relations. I love children very much, I see each other constantly, take them to rest, try to participate in education more. I really suffer that I had to leave them and leave, but we both did not see another way out.
A couple of months after leaving the family, I met a girl and started a romance.
Our relationship is much better than with my wife.
The girlfriend has a child from her first marriage, a daughter of 7 years. Conflicted a little with her because of her mother, she was very jealous, neither kiss nor hug, immediately hysterical. But I with understanding and easily endured it. However, a couple of months later, she managed to hurt me several times during her scandals by telling me that I was not her father and that I could get out of the house. At the same time, I am very pleased with the rest of the time. I play with her constantly, and try to train to develop.
After that, I felt empty, a periodic lack of response to my daughter's desires.
So far, problems with a girlfriend have accumulated. I periodically make comments on her about raising her daughter, and indeed her own actions. As a result, a few weeks ago, my friend and I broke up during another quarrel.
In the end, this is how: I want to be with my sons, but I do not feel love for my wife and there is no understanding with her; I love my girlfriend, it’s hard and sad without her, but I can’t live with her and her daughter, the way of life doesn’t coincide, and I don’t know how to relate to my daughter, I don’t feel that she should be close.
Psychologists Answers
Hello, Vasily.
I am reading a letter. Written by a clever man.
Entering the time of maturity.
Trying to deal with this life.
Loving children and a woman.
You would be close to a wise person with whom you can talk your life, close to see and hear it.
It’s so normal when there is someone older and wiser ...
You have good professionals nearby.
Your difficulties are deeper and more than solving them in letters.
Tips.
With respect to your experiences,
G. Idrisov.
Good answer4 Bad answer0Hello, Vasily! There are problems of communication disruption - as soon as any difficulties arise in the relationship (which are quite natural!), Then quarrels begin between you - but on your part, these are quarrels, making claims - like, for example, you wrote that you were making comments to your girlfriend (on about her upbringing, about her actions) - and such revolutions, such a style is perceived precisely as criticism, as accusations ("You-promises") and naturally, this style more and more leads to the estrangement between you - most likely, as in relationship with wife communication stro flowed in exactly the same way, and that mutual pretensions were expressed aloud (BUT - in fact, Nothing! - since these superficial reasons DO NOT hear what is happening inside the person!) - and in relations with his wife they have become so stereotyped that all feelings have simply become obsolete yourself and you decided to leave the relationship - BUT - again, in a new relationship - the same story begins! and here it’s worth thinking - it means that that style of relationship leads the relationship precisely to cooling, and accordingly it is this style of relationship that needs to be changed - what do you want the relationship between you to change? BUT then it is worth remembering that for this it is necessary to change yourself! firstly, to build relationships constructively - using only "I-messages", and not comments and criticism! secondly, to begin to see exactly your contribution to the development and formation of the situation - everything does not add up by itself - and to understand what is happening and how to change it, you need to see your own contribution (and not wait until everything changes from the side) - and only then can the situation change! and yet - it is also important to learn to hear and listen to a partner! without all this, you run the risk of plunging into the same river again and swimming further, losing everyone around!
Vasily, you can figure this out! to understand what is happening and why, how to build constructive relationships - if you really decide - you can feel free to contact me - call me - I will only be glad to help you!
Good answer6 Bad answer2 
Basil, it is important to arrange all events and all participants - in their places, to observe order and hierarchy, and you have a lot of things mixed and intertwined!
Let's start: firstly, you left your wife, not your sons (they will always be your children, wives will change, and parents and children will be forever!), And secondly - about your friend’s daughter (from her husband) - you felt "lack of response to the wishes of the daughter" (you, I remind you, have two sons, but no daughter, this girl is the daughter of another man), which she tells you about "... that I am not her father!" And you again about yours ... "I don’t know how to relate to my daughter, I don’t feel the closeness of how I should be" - because I DO NOT have a daughter and that kindred, closeness should not be. And the recurring scenario with both the first wife and girlfriend - comments, educational moments, “long quarrels” ... You even manage to “conflict with her” with a child of seven years old, depending on her opinion (and after all, adult relationships are absolutely a different level of relationship and neither the girl nor your sons have permission to interfere in adult affairs). And you are "flirting" with the baby, and she seems to be an equal partner for you ("she was able to hurt during her scandals", points you to the door, and you rejoice that "I am very happy the rest of the time" (as if my son had approved ) ...
If you feel that you are an adult and a responsible person, confident in yourself, then you don’t have to rush around to change women, try to “earn” the love of someone else’s child and other sensations described by you.
The theme for work - the beginning is rooted in your parental family. The topic is complicated, but if you want to clarify and not step on the "rake" again, find your place in life - please contact, family constellations (method) are suitable for unraveling weaves ... Good luck!
Good answer1 Bad answer0 
Basil! You decided to become the father of someone else’s daughter. This is your main mistake. You can love her and take care of her, but not be her father. She has a father and he is the only one. Relations with the wife do not depend on the attitude to children and parents. If there are difficulties in relations with his wife, then there they need to be addressed. There are always difficulties, but there is also the habit of transferring them to children. Naturally, the girl is jealous and one must still be delicate. It is not necessary to kiss in her presence. As well as trying to win her love with her care. Win the wife’s love. She will only be grateful to you for this. By placing these small accents, you will see the changes. If you still have questions, please contact for in-person consultations.
Read materials on this topic also in my LJ.
Good answer6 Bad answer0 
Hello, Vasily.
What offended you is that the girl told you in a quarrel that you are not her father. But this is true. It seems that in this place you are faced with a mismatch of your own expectations and reality. As for the relationship with a friend. If they are important to you, it may make sense to work in pairs with a psychologist. Based on your letter, I can assume that you are trying to raise not only a girl, but also the woman with whom you live. And quarrels arise because she does not seem to like this. However, this is only a hypothesis. If it is important for you to understand in more detail what is happening between you, I will be glad to help. As for the sons and the wife. If you do not love her and do not want a relationship with her, it is unlikely that living together will benefit your children. It is important for children to see their parents happy and successful, rather than tormented by difficult and lying relationships. Therefore, there is only one way out - to see them as often as possible.
If detailed consultation is important to you, I will be glad to help. Regards,
Good answer2 Bad answer2And when you see this, the question arises inside, but did I do the right thing that I left my wife? Have we done everything possible to maintain relationships, survive the crises of family life? Why didn’t we learn to show our love for each other over the years of marriage? The fact that there was love between you is evidenced by the fact that you have children. But the fact that you did not succeed as a spouse means that you have not learned to show your love for each other. You are not sure that a new relationship will take place, everything is not easy.
Then it’s important to understand what’s more important for you - to return or start building new relationships. In any case, respect your first spouse, respect those qualities in your sons that they inherited from her. What you can do for your girlfriend’s daughter is to respect her father. Then she will become softer towards you. Provided that your friend shows respect to him.
You have yet to learn to love. But who do you really love?
You have to understand this. If possible, contact a full-time consultation with a psychologist. It is better if it is a specialist in family systemic therapy.
Good luck to you!
Good answer1 Bad answer0Spouses break up for various reasons: someone meets another person on his life path, who, it seems to him, suits him better, someone becomes a burden to the second half. In any case, it is extremely important to part with a positive note, because for many years the person you want to leave from has been the closest for you. Do not cause him severe suffering and pain. Today we propose to talk about from the wife, and to do so in order to maintain a warm human relationship.
Keep the sequence
Psychologists say: the most disgusting and terrible thing that can happen in the process of parting is endless throwing. The husband then leaves, then returns again, begs forgiveness on his knees, and then again recalls what prompted him to take this difficult step. These throwings slowly but surely destroy love in a woman’s heart, plague her, make her irritable, nervous and aggressive. That is why it is very important to be consistent. If you decide to leave the family, consider all the circumstances: how and where you will live, how to arrange your life. Only then announce your departure.
How to build a conversation
It is likely that your spouse feels good changes in your behavior and mood. She notices that you are moving away from her. However, suspicion is one thing, and frank conversation is another. Even if she suspected anything, the news of your departure would be a shock to her. By the way, it is likely that your spouse never thought about this scenario. This can be for a variety of reasons: for example, she was brought up in such a way that it is impossible to destroy a family, that marriage should be saved by all means. Probably, she is simply focused on everyday problems, professional activities and does not notice what is happening around. In any case, she will have a number of questions, the answers to which you must find in advance. How to leave your wife painlessly?
First of all, remember: ignoring the calls and messages of the second half, taking things out while she is not at home is the lot of cowards. You should carefully prepare for the conversation, choose the right time and place, in no case raise your voice and make complaints. Calm and soft, but firm, you must voice your decision. Psychologists say: criticizing a wife and telling her about what she is bad is possible only if you hope to maintain a relationship with her. If you are determined to leave, this is completely useless.
Causes
How to get away from the wife? Family relations experts say: the very first question your woman will have is why. That is why you need to answer it yourself. Situations can be very different, but it often turns out that essentially nothing will change, just the person who will be next to you will change. Should I leave in such a situation? Of course, it is up to you to decide. You can hope that in another place with another woman you will feel better, but this hope is illusive and weak.
Lack of strength
Very often, family psychologists are faced with the fact that the husband leaves the family due to the fact that he simply can not cope with any difficulties. For example, very often divorces occur in families with sick children. Of course, one can talk for a long time about the moral principles of such men, but the fact remains that in most families where there is a seriously ill baby, husbands decide how to leave their wife. Because it’s easier for them not to watch the suffering of their loved ones.
She is better than you!
Why with your spouse? Perhaps he has a mistress, who, in his opinion, is better than his wife in all respects. It often happens that a wife looks annoyed, tired and disheveled, while her lover is always neat, affectionate and friendly. In addition, the house can be a mess, with cosmic speed induced by children, and a mistress who has no children in the house is always clean and comfortable. She seems to be better than his wife in everything. True, having freed himself from the bonds of marriage with a bored wife and married a mistress, a man may notice that these young ladies have a lot in common: a mess appears at home after the birth of a child, a new woman does not always have enough time to look after herself.
When thinking about how to leave his wife for a mistress, a man must learn to distinguish love from passion and temptation. The fact is that true love is rational, not blind. She is born of care, does not allow selfishness. Therefore, you need to turn on your head and understand: is a new relationship a temptation in the form of a beautiful and attractive woman, a game of hormones, or is it sincere feelings? Before such an important decision, it is necessary to assume what lies ahead for you, whether the passion of betrayal is worth it.
A cheating wife
But what if new feelings were spinning not for you, but for your wife? Psychologists call cheating on the wife one of the most painful blows to self-esteem, which can fall on a man in his entire life. To forget that your beloved led an intimate life with another man is almost impossible. Of course, it’s worth trying to maintain a relationship, but what if it’s not possible? How to get away from a cheated wife?
Specialists in the field of family relations recommend first to understand why the spouse went to the left. Offer to talk with her, create an enabling environment for this. Tell us about your decision not to save the marriage after the incident as softly and correctly as possible. Do not shout at her, make claims, humiliate and insult. It is important to understand: you are not the only person who has been betrayed, you can even learn something useful from this. If a woman has changed, most likely she did not love you, or she loved, but her feelings have passed. You have a chance to become happy again, but with a different person. Thank fate, put aside sad thoughts. Fate in the form of an unfaithful wife sends you a test with which you will surely be able to cope.
I'm sick of
How to decide to leave your wife if something does not suit you? Try to determine what exactly you are unhappy with. Maybe you have a lot of problems at work, and the second half not only does not support you, but also constantly requires something? Maybe she is unhappy with everything, even the fact that she herself is unhappy? State everything very clearly, point by point. And tell your wife.
In the event that you are sure that just talk and discuss these points, but nothing will change, it makes sense to leave. However, if you have never discussed with your wife what you are tired of or what does not suit you, maybe it is too early to leave? If your feelings are alive, if you value your relationship with your wife, try to give a chance to you two. Discuss everything, set a trial period, for example, 1-2 months. If after this time nothing changes, then you should start thinking about how to leave your wife. But if at least a small positive trend is noted, just continue to work on your relationship.
"We are too different"
Often it is this phrase that causes the gap. He is an owl, she is an early bird, he loves french fries, and for her this is one of the main enemies of a slim figure. He wants to have a beer in the evening with friends or to be in the garage, she drags him to the theater. They are too different! Psychologists recommend thinking: have you always been different or have you become like that just now? It is likely that before you thought about how to leave your wife, you tried to find compromises with each other, make concessions, and then such a desire disappeared. The fact that people are different is not a reason for breaking up relations. Rather, it can be called the result of deep internal contradictions or accumulated fatigue. What to do in such a situation? Try to find the true cause of the problem. Only after that you will be able to decide whether it makes sense to talk with your wife or not.
"What didn’t suit you?"
Very often a woman asks her spouse this question. That is why psychologists recommend that you prepare in advance and think through what you will say in response so that the emotions that will certainly arise during the conversation do not stop you from saying whatever you want. Most often this question is asked from the feeling of hopelessness that appears in the heart of a woman from whom you want to leave. That is why, when it comes to him, you should stop talking and leave. Next will be only emotions.
"Are you really leaving?"
Of course, your soulmate is hard to believe that this is actually happening. And even harder to accept all this. That is why, after this question, one should not try to explain something or reason about something. Yes, you are leaving. Yes, this decision was not easy for you, but you made it. Yes, you are leaving now. Immediately after these words, you should take everything you need (you will pick up the rest of things later) and leave. Let your wife think it over, draw conclusions, comprehend what happened. Do not write or call, even if you are worried. After all, if you were worried sincerely, then you would hardly have left. Do not confuse anxiety with guilt.
What to do if there are children in the family?
Often a man wonders how to leave his wife if there is a child. First of all, it is important to understand that it is not worth preserving a family for the sake of a child, because the atmosphere in the house affects everyone, including the baby. If you cannot live with your spouse, you not only suffer yourself and make your chosen one suffer, but also bring a lot of emotions to your child, turning his life into hell.
Of course, it is very difficult to leave a family with a child, but it should be understood that people part as a man and a woman, and not as a mother and father. Divorce is not a reason to abandon a child, his upbringing and care for him. You will have to worry about building relationships with your ex-wife so that you both participate in raising children.
Safety precautions
When you start a conversation about divorce, it is difficult to predict in advance how it will go and how it will end. Only you know your wife, you can imagine what actions she is capable of. That is why it is extremely important to consider where exactly you will be talking.
Least of all for such a conversation are restaurants and other public places. The fewer witnesses, the easier. It is important to determine what words you start with. It is the first phrase that should make it clear to the woman that there will be a difficult, serious conversation. It is the man who must leave, because he is the initiator of the gap. Even if subsequently, during a divorce, you will share housing, you should give your woman time to comprehend what is happening alone with herself. Do not let emotions get the better of you, be prepared for tears and tantrums, but do not succumb to the woman's emotions and the insulting words that she says, because, most likely, she will try to hurt you as painfully as possible. In addition, a woman can begin to put pressure on pity, so stand your ground to the end and be consistent, since you have made such a decision. Of course, the separation process cannot be called absolutely painless, but you can smooth out the sharp corners.
I have been married for 15 years. There are two children. For 6 years now I have a girlfriend. She's 32 years old. She is expecting a baby from me. I decided for myself to divorce my first wife and go to my beloved. Tell me, how can I plan and organize everything so that this entire period is as less painful as possible for me, the children, the first and second wife. What to look for and how to prioritize. My wife does not know about my love. She is 43 years old. Children are schoolchildren. I want to maintain good relations with them and my authority.
Valery, Norilsk, 47 years old / 09/15/14
Opinions of our experts
Alyona
Valera, for 6 years you didn’t have a girlfriend, but a lover. A truly beloved woman is not forced to wait for so many years, do not understand what. So let's call everything by their proper names. There was a lover. And finally, she found a way to get you out of the family. You became pregnant, and you decided that leaving two schoolchildren for the sake of one newborn child is very fair to everyone and damn authoritative. But you are mistaken. Your passion, having become pregnant, is already rubbing your hands, how great she managed to finally make you leave your wife and children. 6 years went into it. No wonder waiting and hoping. And not for nothing pregnant, of course. A successful argument turned out to be. I only advise you to re-read the letter from one such “beloved girl”. The letter dated August 29 of this year is called “I took him from my family and want to leave him” (http: //www..shtml). It’s just about doves like you. There is even “not the first freshness” in your face. By the way, your beloved is aware that half of the honestly earned by you will go to child support for two children? It happens that they somehow do not immediately think about it, and then they are very upset. You clarify the girl this question in advance. Or have you decided that your children and schoolchildren will have enough of your friendship and authority, and let their mother earn for their maintenance? By the way, about the mother of your children, who was 37 years old 6 years ago. But 6 years ago you did not abandon her. He did not give her a chance to start another life 6 years ago. Because then it was enough for you to have a lover and live with your family. But during this time, your wife could already remarry, for example, finding a more worthy man than you. And after that, do you hope that the gap can be made more or less painless? And I see: “Darling, I have another, I’m cheating on you with her for 6 years, and now she’s pregnant, and I decided to divorce you and go to her.” Whatever words you arrange, the essence will not change, believe me. Especially for the 43-year-old woman with whom you lived 15 years, who has two minor children from you and whom you almost did not leave time for a second chance. Valera, a little advice: think ten times before leaving your family. One thing is secret meetings in the absence of a common life. Another thing is to live together, to share not only a table in a restaurant and a bed in hotel rooms, but also all household problems. Your relationship with your mistress will no longer be the same. And the chances are good that you yourself will want to return to your family, to what you are used to in 15 years. It may well be that you are terrified how little you valued what you had in your family. And even more you will be surprised by the fact that you just changed the price for soap, with one single nuance: you broke the life of two children, the woman with whom you lived so many years in order to just replace her with a younger woman. But he personally didn’t gain anything, only spoiled his karma.
Sergey
Valery, truly a bad deed - not tricky. And if combed too much, you can, of course, get a divorce. Especially if you had the mind to have side children. However, I would not rejoice in the hope of something big and beautiful. Firstly, because tourism and emigration are two different things. You lived in a family for 15 years, with your own rules, with understandable rights and obligations. You have an established circle of friends, life is settled. With your mistress, you only "pleasantly talked", including because she had no rights to you and behaved in accordance with the situation. But this does not mean at all that with her everything will immediately become just as familiar and debugged. Just the opposite. Everything will have to start all over again. And this is very difficult. And your lover herself may appear in a completely new light. In this regard, I would advise you to try to do without swearing with your wife, because more than half of the "departers" like you, after a couple of weeks of "new life" begin to aspire back. I don’t know how to achieve this. It all depends on your relationship with your wife. As for relations with children, then, I am afraid, everything will be very difficult. After all, you are in their eyes - a traitor and a deceiver who offended his mother. And it really is. And the children are very vindictive creatures, and therefore it may very well happen that you will become an enemy for them for a very long time. Do you need all this? In my opinion, before succumbing to the persuasion of a lover and ruin the current life, it’s worth once more to think carefully. After all, well, you really had strong feelings, but they do not exist, for a truly beloved woman has not been dynamized for years. That is, you are going to flush everything acquired for the dubious pleasure to build the same thing at best. Although, of course, everyone is free to spoil his own life in his own way.
“To leave or to stay - that is the question!” - modern Hamlet would say. Consumer society gave rise to the problem of choice. And not only products and goods. She automatically transferred to human relationships.
People no longer want to endure and suffer. They want to live here and now, tasting the fruits of joy and realizing pictures from Hollywood melodramas.
A difficult correspondence with reader Dmitry from Yekaterinburg pushed us to take up this topic. He asked for our advice. The result is something like distance psychotherapy. And without making a final decision, Dmitry asks readers for help. You can send your opinions and stories on the same topic to the authors e-mail [email protected] and [email protected]
Hello!
I will try to explain how I feel, and I will be glad if you help me figure it out. I do not like my wife. I realized this six months after the wedding. But getting divorced right away was somehow stupid, he thought he would be hardened, falling in love. He suffered, but did not fall in love. Rather, I relate to her well, and from our side we have an ideal family. But only in moments of utmost honesty with myself do I understand that I lie and lied to both myself and her. I am a sociable person, flexible and non-conflict. And you can learn to live next to any person, which I did. You can consider me henpecked, but in order to avoid unnecessary hassle, I’d better keep silent again, do as my wife asks, and everyone is happy. Except me. Three years ago, I met a striking woman who delights me with everything: intelligence, honesty, decency, feminine gentleness, some kind of childish touching, trusting. With all this, she is incredibly beautiful. Like in the song: "Girls like the stars." In general, having 13 years of family life, I fell in love for the first time. She did not suspect this for a long time, but somehow I could not stand it and told her everything. Three years have passed since then. And all this time we communicate. I know for sure that it is easy for me and always pleasant, even when we quarrel. I, as an adult man, have hops in my head when she looks at me and casually touches me, I know what interests me, I miss her when I don’t see her for a long time, I am furious when she just talks to other men. We both dream of intimacy. But I respect her too much to doom to the unenviable role of a lover. And I'm afraid to get divorced. I don’t want to be a traitor in the eyes of those around me, I can’t leave the woman with whom I acquired the joint property, who is the mother of my only 3-year-old daughter. How will parents react? What will the colleagues say? There have also been many contacts with my wife’s relatives: I am a friend of her brother. And here is guilt too.
In the end, I crush my love within me. I have repeatedly told my beloved that she needs another man who will become her a good husband. She is silent. Only her deep eyes are filled with tears. My heart hurts because I hurt my loved one.
I am not a scoundrel or a cheater, but I am an unhappy person.
Dasha ZAVGORODNAYA: Be a man - get divorced!
Dmitry, no matter how deeply married you are, you must get out of these depths. From this abyss of irresponsibility into which you threw yourself. I had a problem similar to yours when I divorced my unloved husband. I was afraid that his relatives, friends, he would judge me. But I pulled myself together and said firmly: “You deserve a better share than me. The other woman will love and care you more. ” And here is what the husband replied: “Love is not love, but you are the only one with whom you can agree. I cannot find another one. ” I: “And bet you will find?” And I persuaded him to start a profile on a dating site. As started - immediately a bunch of girls. He married one, and everything is fine with them now. I have a great relationship with him and his family. You say: relatives, relationships, wife, daughter. Among all the characters that you mention, there is no main thing - you yourself. It seems that you are a diligent little boy who is trying to please everyone: teacher, mother, friends in the yard. And as a result, he receives nothing but cuffs. Because ALL is impossible to please! Dmitry, we must learn to make adult independent decisions. And take the responsibility of choice, otherwise you will remain an unhappy baby, who was driven into a corner.
Tatyana OGNEVA:
Don't want to get a divorce? And don’t! You’ll never get divorced, argue? You respect (and in your own way love) your wife, adore your daughter. You have an established life. This is not just about changing one woman to another. You will have to break long-term foundations, habits. I’ll tell you a story about a man who, after 20 years of seemingly happy marriage, suddenly fell in love with a beautiful blonde, a dream girl. And I thought: to leave - not to leave. And then his friends gave him a birthday present - a whole day of jokes. In the morning, his unexpected companion - a beautiful blonde - suddenly took her to the airfield, where she put him in a balloon, and he flew over the city all morning. Then, on the way to work, he always came across smiling long-legged models. Beauties on this day were everywhere, wherever he came. It just blossomed, meeting and flirting with them all. And then it was arranged so that he came to that cafe where he had once met his wife. She sat in the same place, holding a magazine in her hands, smiled at him just as she had once. Then he realized that there were a lot of female stars. And the faithful, faithful, loving wife is alone.
However, I can’t decide for you. It may turn out that this girl is your true destiny and love of all life. The main thing is that one day you still need to put an end to your throwings. And choose someone alone. After all, both women somehow live in the same terrible, severe uncertainty as you.
PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKSHOP
There are two serious dangers in the “leave or stay” situation. You must know about them before making a final decision.
The first terrible pitfall is called "uncertainty." You yourself do not know what awaits you, with whom and how you will build your life, therefore you simply cannot plan anything even for the near future. Throwing souls are harmful not only to the psyche, but also to the whole organism as a whole. Imagine, every second your nerves are stretched to the limit for several weeks, or even months. Such a state of tension, Chinese philosophers call "yellow." In it, human resources burn out much faster. Stress deprives sleep, appetite and interferes with work. The main danger is that one day your body will make a choice for you. Either the heart refuses, or psychological impotence sets in. In women, by the way, due to the same problem of choice, temporary frigidity and insensitivity of the genitals can occur.
Worst of all, what can be when a person finally exhausted by his own torments in order to stop them, finally makes at least some decision. But in the fever, as you know, nothing good can be done.
The second creepy beast is called "fear of responsibility." The paradox is that more than anything in the world, wanting to decide, you are afraid to make a decision. You are scared to take responsibility for the destruction of the family, for creating a new one. (What if it doesn’t work out, and was it all in vain?) I really want to share this responsibility with someone. Some go to fortune-tellers, others get friends with the question: “Well, what should I do, what?” Well, if a person turns to a good psychologist, and he helps him understand everything in himself and decide without moral loss. But psychologists are also different.
There is a danger of making a decision under the influence of an outsider. But to disentangle something, if that, you have to.
WHAT TO DO:
You would be happy to calm down, it's impossible, right? You need to take a timeout. The advice is banal, but very effective. You just need to decide in the near future no decision to make. At all. Of course, when they pull on both sides and demand to decide, it is difficult. Therefore, it would be ideal to temporarily move away from both poles of attraction. To live with a friend, rent a room in another area, take a vacation and go alone to the country. In general, make sure that you live alone for at least a week or two. And not in order to think about what to do. On the contrary, in every way distracted: read books, watch action films, go fishing, etc. But just do not think. The fact is that if you do not cycle, then your subconscious mind will do all the hard work for you. One day in the middle of the night you can jump stung with a cry: “Eureka! I know what I want! ”
There is another option for making a decision. The unknown creates so many fears. Therefore, you need to draw yourself alternatives: what awaits you with this person, and what’s with it. Thoroughly fantasize, or better yet, describe these alternatives in a school essay style. Now you know what will happen if you go “to the right,” and what if you go to the “left.” However, now you can wave to the cottage.
Joke in topic
The wife found out about her mistress and drove out of the house. I do not know what to do.
And you give her a TV ...
In the sense of?
I’m here, sometimes, I’m not sleeping at home for weeks. I’m coming back, and she with open arms: “I drank beer again!”
