Why doesn’t he leave his wife? “I want to leave my wife, but I can’t bear the separation from the children.

So, you firmly decided - I want to leave my wife. We will talk about the reasons a little later, and now we will highlight the most important points. If you remember them, then parting will be the least painful for each side. You may even be able to maintain human relationships.

Be consistent

The worst thing that can happen in the process of parting is constant throwing. That husband leaves, then returns, begs forgiveness from his wife on his knees, and then again recalls what prompted him to take this step. These throwings slowly but surely burn love out of a woman’s heart, plaguing her and making her nervous and irritable.

Therefore, be consistent. If you decide to leave, then carefully think over all the circumstances, how you will live, how to arrange your life and other little things. And only then announce your departure.

Talk to yourself first and make that decision. If you are sure that it is necessary to leave or stay together it is impossible, then leave and do not torment yourself or her.

How to build a conversation

Perhaps your wife feels that your behavior has changed, you are moving away from her. Yet suspicion is one thing, and conversation is another. And even in this case, for her this news will be a shock.

And it may be that she didn’t even think about such a development of events. This is possible for various reasons: she was brought up in such conditions that it is impossible to get divorced, but she needs to save the marriage with all her might, she is too focused on working or domestic problems, which does not notice anything around. In any case, she will have questions, the answers to which you must prepare in advance.

Why?

This is the first question that arises in a similar situation. First answer yourself. Situations are different, but in some it turns out that essentially nothing will change, just the woman next to you will change. Is it worth it to leave in such a situation, you decide. It is hoped that in another place it will be better, but this hope is weak.

I'm leaving because I have no strength

“I'm leaving because I can't handle it. For six months now our child has been seriously ill. And it’s not a fact that he’ll recover, ”Nara’s husband said about this when he was tired of their wanderings in hospitals. Their son was born with multiple pathologies of the internal organs. Initially, doctors did not give him chances, they said that he himself could not breathe. But for six months now, Misha, together with his mother, has been fighting for his life. He breathes on his own, has already undergone 4 operations and has a long way to go. But her husband decided that it was too difficult for him. He and his wife decided that when Misha did the main operation and his prospects for a full life became more clear, the husband would leave.

Now you can start clapping your tongue or discussing the moral principles of Nara’s husband (yes, in this story we did not even have a fictitious name), but the fact remains: in most families with a seriously ill child, husbands leave. Because it’s easier not to watch all this horror.

She is better than you, she is amazing!

Or do you have a lover who is in all respects better than his wife. If the wife is annoyed, disheveled and tired, then her lover is always affectionate and affable, tidy and friendly. If the house is a mess, which children inflict with incredibly fast speed, then a mistress who does not have her own children is always clean and comfortable. And in everything she is better than his wife.

“You are an amazing mother, the best mother in the world. You are a wonderful designer, it is very beautiful at our place. You're beautiful. But I don’t want to live with you, ”said Andrei Yule and left her for Alice. Very quickly, Andrei and Alice got married and had a baby. But at some point Andrei saw that Alice and Julia had too much in common: there was a mess at home, the toys were in the most amazing places, and Alice did not always have enough time to look after herself, as before.

We don’t know all the circumstances of Andrei’s life with Julia, but at first glance it seems that he returned to where he fled. And Julia’s child has grown up and no longer scatters toys, but helps her mother create and maintain comfort at home.

She is pregnant ...

A man must marry a woman who is expecting a child from him. And it doesn’t matter if he is already married. Or the wife is expecting a baby. It happens that men leave their pregnant wife for a pregnant mistress. The situation, of course, is extremely slippery and unpleasant. Here, every man must answer honestly: to whom does he owe more? Legal spouse or lover?

And the most annoying thing is that this situation could have been prevented. But we will not talk about this this time. You yourself probably know everything.

I'm sick of…

Continue the phrase. What exactly are you tired of? There are problems at work, and the wife not only does not support, but only demands, demands and demands? Is she constantly unhappy with everything, even unhappy that she herself is unhappy?

State clearly on points. And tell her. If you are sure that if you just talk to her and discuss these points, then she will not change anyway, that is, it makes sense to leave. But if you have never tried to discuss with her what does not suit you, then maybe it is too early to leave? If the feelings are still alive and you value your wife, then give a chance to both of you. Talk, discuss. Give you a trial period, for example, 1 month. If nothing changes in a month, then you are leaving, and if there is at least a small positive trend, then you will continue to work on your relationship.

We are too different

You are an owl, I am an early bird, I love fried potatoes, and for you this is the main enemy of a slim figure. I would have a beer in the evening with friends, and you drag me to the theater. And shopping with you in my liver got stuck! We are all too different!

Have you always been different or have you just become like this? Surely before that, you just tried to fit together, but then that desire disappeared. The fact that you are different is not a reason for breaking up relations, but a consequence of deeper contradictions or accumulated fatigue. When you find the true cause of the problems, you can decide whether the conversation with your spouse will help or there’s nothing to talk about. Nevertheless, the reason for the divorce "did not agree on the characters" is quite common.

What didn’t suit you?

This is another question that usually arises in a woman at the beginning of a conversation. The answer to it follows from the reasons that prompted you to leave. Consider literally what you tell your wife so that the emotions that inevitably arise in the conversation do not prevent you from saying everything you wanted.

This question is asked, rather, from the feeling of hopelessness that has arisen and an answer is not always required. This is a rhetorical question that is asked somewhere in infinity, in the universe. Therefore, when it came to him, it was time to stop talking and leave. Next will be only emotions.

Are you really leaving?

Of course, it’s hard for her to believe that this is happening. And even harder to accept. Therefore, when the conversation comes to such issues, there’s nothing to talk about. Yes, you are leaving. Yes, right now. And now leave now. Take only what you need, take the rest of the stuff later. Now give her time to think through everything she heard herself, draw conclusions and comprehend what happened. Do not call or write, even if you are worried. Moreover, if you are worried about her, then why leave. Or are you not driven by concern, but guilt? Do not confuse these feelings.

Safety precautions

When you start a conversation, it is difficult to predict in advance how it will go and how it will end. You know your wife and imagine what she is capable of. Therefore, consider:

• when will you talk? She must be calm and balanced at this moment;
• will you talk A restaurant or any other public place is the most inappropriate for this place. The fewer witnesses, the better and easier;
• where do you start The first phrase is very important, it will make her understand that the conversation is ahead;
    Do not start such a conversation in the bedroom. Whatever happens to you, the bedroom is a place of rest and enjoyment;
• the kitchen is also not worth talking, especially if your wife is impulsive and abrupt. There are too many breaking objects;
• are you ready right now to take a minimum of things with you and leave?
• It is you who must leave, because you are the initiator of the break. Even if you divide this apartment during a divorce, you should still give it time to comprehend what is happening in silence.

When you start a conversation, keep yourself in control and do not let emotions get the better of you. Be prepared for the fact that she can not cope with her. Therefore, whatever she says, you:

• do not insult;
• do not mention her mother or any other relatives in the conversation, they have nothing to do with it;
• do not say what you were not going to say;
• do not give in to her emotions, most likely, she wants to hurt you as painfully as possible;
• do not forget why you started the conversation, even if it puts pressure on pity;
• speak now and only now, it’s not worth returning to this conversation in the future. So either say it now, or forget that you were going to say it;
• stand your ground to the end, be consistent;
• in no case do not open your hands, you never know what she says on emotions.

Of course, the parting process cannot be called painless, but you can do it less painful.

Couples break up for various reasons. Someone meets another person on the way, someone is embarrassed by a hateful relationship, but in any case it is very important to part on a positive note, because for many years this person was the closest and did not want to cause him severe suffering and. How to get away from his wife will be described in this article.

How to leave your wife painlessly?

First of all, we must immediately say that ignoring calls and taking things quietly when the spouse is not at home is the destiny of the weak and cowards, and therefore it is necessary to carefully prepare for the conversation. Choose the right time and place and calmly, without raising your voice and not making claims, voice your decision. It is possible to criticize a spouse and say what is bad only when there is a chance to save, otherwise it is useless. All subsequent missus tirade must be sustained steadfastly and with restraint. In the end, this is a surprise for her, and unpleasant, and she has the right to speak out to ease stress for herself.

Those wishing to find out how to leave their wife properly can be recommended to promise her financial assistance at least for the first time, while without humiliating her feminine and human dignity. Of course, if there are children in the family, then it is very important to let the spouse understand that they will not need anything and will always be able to count on the help and support of the father. It is possible to get away from a wife in the way that the heart and one's own moral principles command. In the end, this man was once loved and occupied one of the main places in life. You can always find words that would not hurt your spouse and allow you to remain, if not friends, then not strangers. You can advise your wife to safely seek help and try to maximize ease her situation after a divorce.

(FAST, PAINLESS, TAKING INTO ACCOUNT LONG JOINT LIFE AND CHILDREN)

That is how many formulate their question at a reception with a psychologist, in conversation with friends, looking for answers on forums and so on. There is only one answer to this question: by attaching a note under the fridge magnet: "I'm leaving, dear. Don't look for me. I won’t go to the phone." If this option is not suitable. that is, another, quite obvious answer: NO! You have lived with your wife for many years. Now you have other plans - a new woman or free swimming. You have made a decision for which, judging by the wording of the question, your wife is clearly not ready. It is obvious that: you can leave QUICKLY, BUT NOT PAINFULLY, but with a scandal, a nervous breakdown, a hypertensive crisis (your wife, of course, although you can lose your temper against the background of a showdown).

You can leave after explanations - clarifications, after the human conversation, which, most likely, your wife deserves. It will NOT be FAST, BUT you will feel better than in the case of a sharp break. At least you won’t feel like a complete pig.

So, you decided to leave your wife? The only thing left is to implement the decision. But scary. How will the conversation go? How to insist on your own? How not to let yourself be persuaded?

So,

For your wife, your decision will be a shock, a shock. Get ready for a storm of emotions, be patient and correct in the conversation. One conversation, of course, will not do, but the main difficulty - the first step - you will overcome.

After announcing your decision, discuss what concerns children. (If there are children in your family.) If you love your children, you still want to take care of them, tell me about it. Specify with whom they will stay, with whom they will spend the weekend, the amount of alimony and so on.

If there is a division of property, this issue also cannot be ignored. And it’s better not to delay it. Say what you like, but your wife will be calmer if her life otherwise does not change much, if housing and material conditions, especially with children, are good. Not only the fact of the breakup is knocking out of the rut, but also the fact that one has to radically change one’s life: moving to a new apartment, cutting costs, transferring children to another kindergarten, to another school. If in your power to leave everything as it is, talking about the break will be easier.

If your decision for your wife is an unexpected event, if you meet another woman, she will be very worried, indignant, angry, offended. And there's nothing to be done about it. Be prepared for tears, persuasion, perhaps even threats. These are emotional reactions, the splash that a woman needs, a normal reaction to severe stress. You will have to hear extremely unpleasant words, a flurry of reproaches, many of which will be fair.

In order to avoid explanations and unpleasant scenes, some leave without explanation. Up to the anecdotal, but vital: left with a bin. And did not return. I stayed with another. But sooner or later you will encounter your wife and hear a lot of unpleasant things. Therefore, do not avoid the conversation. A woman who has lived with you for the nth number of years has the right to know about your decision. The gap through notes hung on the fridge, emails, sms speaks of the man’s weakness and his disrespect for the woman.

Remember that for you care is the beginning of a new life, the opportunity to start life from scratch. The woman at this moment is faced with the need for serious changes in her life, expectations, without any desire. She is left alone. And no matter how society is emancipated, many women still feel extremely uncomfortable, being left without a man. In addition, objectively, it is more difficult for a woman to find a man than a man - a woman. This is especially true for those who diverge after living years, and even decades together. Remember this, regardless of the accumulated resentment and misunderstanding. In this situation, your wife is likely to be in a more difficult position than you.

Before you start talking about the break, make sure that you have made the right decision. Perhaps the family can still be saved. You just need to frankly say that you are not comfortable in a relationship. One of the common reasons that lead to separation is life together with the wife's relatives: parents or one mother, sisters, brothers. For the wife they are native people. But not for you. Often, the wife does not understand until the very end that such a joint living can be a reason for divorce. Raising this topic openly, you will not lose anything, but you will do everything in your power to not regret anything later.

Or perhaps the problem lies in you, in the inability to understand what exactly you want. In prioritizing, fulfilling one’s wishes, etc. As a result, you think that the problem is in the family. If not for your wife, you would have led a completely different life, would have been more successful, happier. But this may not be so.

If you met another, make sure that this is not a whim, not a passion that will subside in a month or two, and the bridges have already been burned. Having decided to leave, honestly answer to yourself how confident you are that the new passion will not turn into a vixen. Try to understand why you are convinced that a new girlfriend will make you happy.

In order to better understand yourself, you can talk to a friend or random companion. You can contact a psychologist. And help is not to dissuade you or to help leave without remorse. No and no again. The psychologist helps to understand yourself, your desires, feelings, relationships. If you decide to leave, after you better understand yourself, you will do it consciously, not on emotions, as correctly as possible. After all, if there is no place for hatred, then, regardless of the reason why people part, they can maintain human relations.

Fell in love with a married man who is unhappy in marriage? You both understand that you are ideally suited to each other, but he still remains with his wife? Of course, the probability that he will ever leave her is small, but here are a few steps that you can take to bring the man to the right decision. Remember that you cannot force him to do this. This should be his independent decision, made without pressure. Be wise and patient. Very often, people get married for some wrong reason, and from this their marriage will never be strong. Do not try to hold on to something that does not bring happiness to anyone around. Therefore, often, a divorce is a kind of gift for all parties.

Steps

Do not have sex with him.   A married man who cheats on his wife is driven exclusively by physiological reasons. It is clear that at that moment he wanted to part with his wife, so he did it. But, if he really intended to leave his spouse, he would have done it before your meeting and until the moment of intimacy with you. If you have already had sex, stop it later. Explain the situation by the fact that you cannot go to bed with him, as it is unfair to both his wife and you.

Do not try to convince him to leave his wife through manipulation.   Manipulatory behavior often works only for a short time. A man must decide everything within himself, voluntarily. After all, you also want him to do it on his own, and not just because you need it.

Without going to bed with him, you present yourself as a prize that you still need to earn.   By this, you illustrate that you do not agree to the role of a lover, but you deserve respect and official status. You must have your own personal life and your interests. It is very good if your common interests are alien to his wife, this will bring you even closer and make you more attractive in his eyes.

Find out what benefits he gets while married.   Even if he is unhappy, but still not divorced, there must be something that holds him back. The reasons may be different: children, reputation, money (if he is afraid that his wife will take all or half of his property from him), etc. Do not make a common mistake trying to become better than his wife. Such behavior will only push him away from you. There is no point in competing with his wife. He must love you because you are completely different.

Find out what mistakes his wife made.   A woman should feel a man. Most likely, his wife ceased to be interesting to him and no longer attracted him: neither as a woman, nor as a person. There are many articles, books, and publications on this subject. Clean the house, cook a delicious dinner. This will demonstrate your business skills. Men need to feel comfortable. It is very important to show that you admire him. Women, for whom work and domestic welfare come first (in material terms), forget about their duties as a wife and begin to perform men's functions. Any man in a similar situation feels discomfort and begins to look for the best on the side. Thus, he needs to confirm his male viability. If he tells you that he no longer sleeps with his wife - do not really believe that. Therefore, do not think that having sex with you, he will leave his wife faster. No, for this to happen, you have to give him everything that he lacked in marriage. Most often, this is far from intimacy, but the self-awareness of a man next to a woman.

Get to know him as a person.   Becoming friends with him and making him open to you is quite difficult. This can take a lot of time and patience. Since his affection for his wife can be much deeper than you, and he himself assumed it. A man should feel more than just a sexual attraction to you. He should feel the need for you, feel safe next to you and confidently share his desires, fears, hopes and plans. In addition, if you know him better, you can discover hitherto unknown traits of his character that you will not like and will force you to reconsider your attitude to this man.

Meet with other men.   Do not dwell on one thing and do not get too attached to it. Men love the spirit of competition. But at the same time, be careful and do not talk too much in your discussions. Trying to make him jealous can undermine his confidence in you.

Do not show that you need it too.   Do not call, do not write, do not look for a meeting. He must come to you himself. If you talk about love from the very first days, he may stop pushing you and just accept it and allow himself to love, and he will leave in speed (as was the case with his wife).

Do not be jealous of a man for his wife.   Do not be angry with her. As a woman, you must sympathize with her, because this is not her fault (or not only hers).

Do not become a family psychologist for a man.   The desire to help him solve problems with his wife will not make you more attractive in his eyes. Let him untie this knot.

1. Do not try to somehow confront his wife.   Telling her about your relationship and the betrayal of her husband, you thereby destroy all the chances of a bright future next to him. A man can take this as a betrayal on your part and completely turn his back on you.

   • Remember that for a man it is important to regain the sense of his masculine wealth, which he probably lost over the years of marriage. Therefore, you just need to sit and accept everything that he can and wants to give you, without ceasing at the same time to admire and be proud of him.
   • If you think the same, do nothing behind him. Let him solve his problems with his wife himself.

   Warnings

   • Even if you have become very attached to a man, be prepared to leave at any time, even if it causes you hellish pain. After all, it may happen that he does not leave his wife.
   • According to statistics, most divorces are initiated by women. Keep this in mind and do not stop considering the option that he will not leave his wife and hurt you.
   • It may take a man time to reflect on the whole situation and make a decision. Do not think that he is turning away from you. Just be patient. When he comes to you - do not rebuke him. Be affectionate and hospitable.
   • Ask yourself why you need this particular married man? There are many free guys around who are not averse to starting to look after you. Make sure that your feelings are more than just the excitement that a man is not yet available. Often, notorious and insecure women (sometimes due to psychological injuries received in childhood) directly prey on married men and by any means lead them out of the family, just to amuse their wounded vanity. As soon as a man becomes free, he becomes uninteresting. Therefore, before the situation becomes irreversible, answer yourself these questions.
   • Think about whether you want to have a person next to you who does not comply with his marriage obligations and does not know how to be faithful to his legal wife. Where is the confidence that the same thing will not happen to you? You must admit that dishonesty, infidelity and deceit are not the best qualities for a man.
   • After a divorce from his wife, a man can feel tension, both emotionally and materially. The reality of everyday life can be very different from your romantic encounters before. He can only feel worse when left without a wife, money, reputation and friends (who often support an abandoned wife). Do not let him regret the decision.
   • Your reputation may also suffer. It all depends on what kind of social circles you revolve in. It will not remain a big secret for anyone that a man left the family precisely for your sake. This news may come up at work, among mutual friends. Get ready to be criticized and negatively evaluated. You will have to put up with the condemnation of some people, even if it is frankly unfair. You must be prepared for the fact that relations with some people can go into the category of strained or even go bad. The louder and more dramatic the divorce, the more food for gossip will be among ill-wishers. In no case do not allow evil languages \u200b\u200bto influence your relationship. The best answer to all critics is your strong family.
   • The wife can try by any means (sometimes even unsafe for you) to return the man to the family. You must be emotionally prepared for this.
   • If you still decide to stay close to him, you will have to admit that the wife will always be part of his life (as the mother of his children, as the woman with whom she remembers warm periods of life). She was, is and will be in his life. It is impossible to erase the past and you must really understand this. But it is in your power to make it so that it remains only a pleasant memory, no more.
   • Remember, one who cheated once can do it again. If a man has left his wife, he may leave after some time from you as well.
   • In the case of a painful divorce, not only the wife, but also the children (if any) can suffer. Think about whether you are ready to take on this responsibility. Can you continue to withstand his regular meetings with his ex-wife and children, who are most likely to hate you and blame the breakup of the family.