Why do not develop relations with men and how to change it? Why do not develop a relationship with a girl.

After another disappointment and parting, you again think about why you meet the “wrong” men, and gradually stop believing in decency, kindness and loyalty. Or maybe you yourself make the same mistakes in relationships and just do not allow yourself to be happy with your chosen one?

  You initially idealize a partner

Acquainted with a young man, you find him interesting, and immediately think that it is "that one." This idea becomes the main one - you attribute to your partner all the best qualities and build dreams of a serious relationship.

Most girls have long had a model of an ideal partner in their heads, and if your boyfriend fits this ideal, at least outwardly, the rest will draw on your imagination.

Give yourself time to better know his character, hobbies, habits and behavior in certain situations. It is equally important to make sure that he has reciprocal feelings for you. Love at first sight is good only on the cinema screen, but in life you need to listen to the voice of reason. It will be much nicer to gradually discover new facets of relationships than to experience another disappointment.

  You are in a hurry with confessions

Sometimes men are not too keen on outward expression of feelings and conversations on this topic. If you are in love, then expect from your partner confessions, plans and promises for the future. Not getting what you want, you begin to hint, push or even demand to say the right words. Such pressure on a man is a big mistake, and you risk simply frightening him off with excessive perseverance.

Interest in each other should be shown gradually and delicately so that both have the right to choose. Do not bombard him with your confessions of strong feelings, thereby forcing you to say the same in return. Perhaps he does not experience this and might think that he does not meet your requirements.

Do not rush your chosen one. A man must decide for himself when he will be ready for the next stage of the relationship. Often, men show their feelings by actions - care, attention, sincere interest in your affairs.

  You do not know how to forgive

New relationships begin with a period of “pink glasses” - romantic dates, a sense of kindred souls, mutual charm and euphoria. Then comes the next stage - proximity and cohabitation. Then the new sides of the partner appear, which you might not have suspected before, the first conflicts and misunderstanding. Then your view of your loved one changes dramatically, instead of finding a compromise, you consider yourself deceived.

It is important to understand that at the beginning of a relationship, everyone tries to show only their best sides, and this is quite normal. But, we all remain people with our life position and well-established habits. Just deleting a person from your life, you will not solve the problem. Your next relationship will also not be ideal, because there are no ideal people. Only by learning to accept a person with all his shortcomings and forgive his weaknesses, you can develop your relationship further.

  You are afraid of loneliness and public opinion

A lot of time has passed since the last parting, and you are still alone. Subconsciously, you lower your requirements for a possible partner, becoming closer to those who themselves drew attention to you. You give a chance to a new acquaintance and gradually get used to seeing this person nearby, despite the absence of emotional outbursts. Sometimes you even like that kind of “calm” in feelings.

Later, you ask yourself the question of why you are next to this particular person, but you cannot break off relations for fear of new loneliness. Another reason to maintain a not very successful union is the desire for a certain position in society. Despite the equality of the sexes, there is still a stereotype of thinking - a lonely woman after 30 is already an old maid.

Your friends and family sometimes notice more than you think. In addition, they know you well and may notice that your partner is not entirely sincere. Of course, you will be outraged if a close friend or parents begin to interfere in your relationship and criticize your chosen one. But sometimes it’s worth listening to the words of people who are able to soberly assess the situation and see “from the side”.

  After listening calmly to what your family wants to convey to you, you can always draw your own conclusions and look at your life differently. If negative assumptions turn out to be false, you will become even stronger in your affection.

Greetings! Often I hear in my address that I am beautiful and smart. And these are not just words of support, people really think so. Relations with men do not add up; there is a feeling that I am not worthy of love.

Everyone says no feelings. To each I give a large chunk of heart and feel that soon nothing will be left. How to stop pushing yourself into a destructive relationship, start respecting yourself and not be in a relationship, so as not to be alone? And how can you calm yourself down after another difficult break? Thank you

Hello!

You yourself have clearly formulated the answer. The solution is that "... stop pushing yourself into a destructive relationship, start respecting yourself and not be in a relationship, so as not to be alone."

How to do it? Try to extend the period of acquaintance with a man, slowly get closer to him.

There are several steps a couple goes through before living together. The first stage is a meeting. The second is the stage of uncertainty (this is when the partners still do not understand whether they like each other, there are a lot of feelings). These stages must be completed, lived by each partner. And if for some reason a woman experiences great anxiety at the stage of uncertainty, she feels bad when everything is still not clear, it is not clear what they have? Just an interest or a romantic feeling? Then she can hastily (inside herself) get close to a man, dream up intimacy. Yes, she can do this also because she is scared or ashamed to be alone. And when, for example, after meeting a man, he didn’t get in touch for a long time, and then he suddenly wrote or called, and the woman intensively shows him his displeasure, reproaches him, they say, where he disappeared, or does not hide his relief and anxiety from the fact that the partner still finally got in touch, the woman thus forces events, behaves at this stage of uncertainty as if she and the man are already close. This can repel a partner and confuse the woman herself.

Extend the stage of uncertainty. When meeting a man, do not let him literally and figuratively fill all the space in your life. And often ask yourself questions like:

Do I really begin to feel something serious for him so quickly, or does it just seem to me?

What do I want so important in my relationship with this man that I can’t do without them? Maybe I'm boring boring? Well then, proceeding from this need, go with him to the cinema or somewhere to dispel boredom. Feel interesting to you with him? What about him? If not, do not continue the relationship. Even if you are disappointed.

Maybe I'm lonely? - Ask a question. Well then, communicate with a man a little more on neutral territory and try to feel whether you feel warmer from communicating with him? Honestly answer yourself.

By the way, in order to keep yourself while, train on women in rapprochement.

You need to learn to understand as soon as possible that something is wrong between you and the chosen one. It’s not for nothing that you wrote that it was PUSHING yourself in a relationship. So somewhere in the first stages something happens that you do not notice or notice, but deny, so as not to feel anxiety.

It is useful to investigate these points in a personal meeting with a psychologist.

How to calm yourself after a break?

Many clients come to the psychologist in the hope of getting rid of the pain they are experiencing in connection with a breakdown. But grief, loss, sadness are treated with grief and sadness. No need to avoid this. Suppress feelings.

At the first stage of the break, cry a lot on the shoulder of a person you trust. And the feeling of anger can cover you in full - get angry.

Then, it is better to get rid of the ideas to return the man who left you or to punish him. You need to accept the gap, and not let the man control your life.

Looking around and thinking what this gap can give you? Maybe, finally, the time for long-desired things was freed up - for a long time I wanted to sign up somewhere, do health, advance in the profession ...

Do not stop loving yourself. If someone decided not to communicate with you anymore, this does not mean that you are not worthy of love. Just from repeated unsuccessful situations you feel so bad. If you learn to feel, your needs and not blindly plunge into relationships that destroy you, i.e. to understand at the right stage whether this person is yours or not yours, then you will begin to feel better, more valuable.

You can turn to a psychologist, together with a specialist, experiencing a gap is always more effective.

Even with a break it helps a lot to plunge into life and help people around us, who at this stage are weaker and more unhappy

“The Father's complex can set up hell in undoubted women. The part of this complex can be absolute and effectively isolate women from a contact with her own foppish spirit ”

  [Freiser Boa. A dream of a dream.]

The father, as the first man, met in life, has a decisive influence on the little girl. If the relationship with him slipped apart, the girl’s reaction to her father’s backside is extremely negative. With this, a father can be an objectively good person. It turns out that a girl just doesn’t love him. We will not concern the fine figures, let’s take a closer look at the feelings of the girl and her further “affair”, however, when she is no longer.

As a rule, a girl who does not love her father, is experiencing difficulties in communication and in relations with men. And also the opening in the opening of one’s own male side, in the opening of one’s internal male (Animyca) and engaging in it. Therefore, we need to "run" with our internal male, I will read a little lower, and while we will settle the external side: Relations with real men.

Of course, she will be afraid of them. If the first man was yo-yo-yo-yo, all men in the light. The extreme case is that the girl can change the sexual option. For a different severity of negative impressions, the girl will try to push the man off the pedestal completely, but on the other hand, he may be short-circuited. It will be copied with the men, thrown them a call, knocked out and criticized. She will wait for food, and, in accordance with the projection of identification (about it is a little sewn away), the man will be quiet.

A girl who is in need of the influence of a negative negative complex often carries an odd game. Jungian analysts call women in this game a gangster anime. The girls in this area first attacked the men, say the numbers, just make them out, and when they say “delivery”, they become “dead” oily. Gangster receiver - set yourself a little girl and, due to her back, attack him. On the one hand, the male is a little small, sensitive cry, with the other, a predatory horn, ready to flail in the throat. Men, for this reason, are VERY UNCENTRATED, since as a result, he almost feels like a woman who causes female tears.

And now, for us, girls, to run with a proper animation. Our proprietary competency may be a problem for us. As a rule, we are committed to ourselves, just as our father has committed ourselves to us. We are the owner of his behavior, established on the deep layers of the psyche. If the father was tyrant and supportive, a woman would be dissatisfied with herself, and she herself would be in a position to relate, instead of being reprimanded.

A negative animayk is manifested as a direct resistance to any manifestations of the feeling of love. He is trying to cut us, a girl, from any relationship that is built on this surface. In this way, we don’t understand what we are doing and why we have been eternally trying to correct scandals instead of reminiscences. If a woman is interested in men, her negative animyc is manifested and spreads them.

Men, remember that if a woman has a chance to love you, she will always breathe to you. She would like to love you. She does not know how.

A typical example is waiting for a phone call from a new, well-known person: “Will you call me back? Call me? He will take notice of me, will consider that I am imposing ". In this case, having waited for the last time to return the phone, the girl behind it deliberately keeps the phone at a standstill. Her inner man says to her: “They laugh at you, be the first.” Or another example. My running to the left. A woman is ready to cry and cry, she is hurt, and these manifestations are natural. Ho begins to say “lawyer” with the male, the female side: “So it will not work. We are divisible, because you have changed me!” Bce. A cold paksidok and a male position at a question - the manifestations of animeca. A man and would like to keep the marriage, but how to live with a “man”?)) It would probably have been his own, otherwise, being a woman in her own right. And emotional.

The beginning of the recognition of one’s true thoughts, emotions and feelings is a step towards acquiring the proper identity and viability. You can be different every moment of your life. To be a girl, a partner, a support, and so on. If you control these parts and conditions, you are in harmony with your internal images of the soul, not always dependent on them. A if not ...

The appearance of animyca on your territory you can track by your pikam, who have been stifling you in the side, by expression, by the finger, in addition to the eye, In this case, everything happens with you without your permission. And such a bell-ringing sound of “iron ...” under the skirt of jeans.

How to trace thoughts in your own head and calculate the “catch the theory” animum? Bocpoc is not easy. LATER TIME, WE ARE TOO ALLOWED FROM EVERYTHING THAT IT IS NOT RELATED TO THINKING. For example, from our body. I even took the example of the body reactions to the manifestation of an external man, a little to track them easier than thought.

For those who are ready to try to make them feel better, but not to think about it, I suggest opening the “inside cat” in myself. Especially if it is your dream. The cat is a woman, and at the same time, she is the surface and the surface. The cat, as opposed to the dog, has never given up on his person. Having an egocentric reserve, it is very good, and very true.

And, most importantly. Forgive the Father. Enjoy your freedom.

And, if you say “long ago” and then you press the mushrooms and swallow the lump in the throat, even do not turn the loudspeaker in the open. Your body and so says to you that they are not there, as well as the forgiveness of your offender.

Difficult Still.

It’s good that you can go this way if you choose to hold it for someone else to do it.

When a man asks a question about bad luck in his personal life, he perhaps for the first time realizes that something is wrong in his life. A lonely man is not a sentence at all, not a diagnosis, and not even a reason for panic. Loneliness turns into a serious problem when it becomes a center of anxiety: a man realizes that there isn’t enough relationships in his life, he rushes to look for these relationships and fails after failure.

Options for "bad luck"

1.   One example that I had to face in psychotherapeutic practice:

A man is an accomplished lawyer who meets a girl. Inviting a new acquaintance to one of the first dates, he says that they will go to collect leaves in his garden. On the next date, there is again a thoughtful program: the girl is invited to go together to visit the lawyer’s deeply elderly mother. The last straw for our rather stubborn heroine is the farewell at the station: her companion leaves without waiting for the train to reach the platform, referring to urgent business affairs and at the same time naively counting on a new date.

This man at the reception defined his problem as follows: “I have not had any luck with women for a long time. Or even always. ”

What to do?

In such a situation, work should begin with the man formulating - what exactly should be so that he can say that he was lucky.

A business approach can help resolve this issue. It is important to answer your basic question: “Who do I need and for what purposes?” This means formulating a clear idea of \u200b\u200bthe partner. For example: type, clothing style, hobbies, lifestyle, social circle, etc.

This “portrait” may change over time and, as a result, may not coincide with our choice. However, for example, when choosing an apartment, we clearly understand what we want: layout, view from the window, district - all this has a certain idea. And in such a fundamental question as “who will occupy our private space” - the presentation is often very superficial.

2.   It happens that, having entered into a relationship, a man cannot avoid a break, and, as a result, he is left alone again. The reason for "bad luck" may lie in the fact that in a relationship he is only ready to take and expects that he will become the center of the universe of his chosen one. He forgets or carelessly takes care of his beloved.

3. A man who does not take responsibility leaves the woman making any decisions - is also “predisposed” to loneliness. When he doesn’t care which restaurant to choose for dinner, what evening program to offer for relaxation - cinema, park, ice cream, etc. When a man is comfortable that a partner takes the initiative. When he does not know how, he admires the culinary abilities of his chosen one, and not because all the dishes are the same for him, but because of his indifference and infantility.

When a woman is next to a man who does not take responsibility, this leads to the fact that she does not feel confidence in him and that her man is capable of actions.

4. Another practical example, which is very typical:

The woman came home upset. A man watches a football match on TV. His favorite team is playing. In this situation, he had no time even to ask how her day went and why she went to bed so early. Tomorrow he will go to a traditional meeting with friends, will play billiards. In the morning he waits for ironed shirts and breakfast. He does not understand why delicious breakfasts have been replaced by fast-food sandwiches. As well as he does not understand the reason for the breakup.

5. A man resentful of life, too, is always "unlucky." Such a person is offended by colleagues who are more successful and close to his bosses, by a friend who bought a new car. He is always looking for a reason to compare himself with someone and always loses. His bad luck with the girls comes precisely from this. He tortures his companion, even potential, with jealousy and claims.

6. Another “unlucky” relationship is due to a man’s inability to express his feelings: inability to appreciate, praise, compliment or just listen to his beloved. What makes her feel inferior, unclaimed, lonely, especially if she is unsure of herself. Such relationships cannot be developed.

What to do?

It is very important for partners to share their thoughts, what happened to them during the day, because then they live together common moments and through this they learn more about each other and are part of one thing in common.

It is important to understand that success with the device of personal life always depends on self-confidence, the ability to see the positive and use every failure, every mistake as a chance for personal growth. In addition, it is important to pay attention to your external aspect: look fresh, well-groomed and appropriate.

Be flexible, ready to change habits.

A successful relationship is always taking and giving.

From a letter from Olga to Samprosvetbullette: - “ How to interest a man and make him start a hunt for me? Why are men afraid of beautiful and confident women? When I meet a man, on the next date I notice that the man feels awkward. I can’t describe the whole situation, the page isn’t enough for it, but I behave towards them very correctly and not defiantly. Why unpretentious simpletons are happier and more beloved? ”

If you are a beautiful woman and you do not have a relationship with men, then you are probably familiar with this problem and probably also wondered: how to behave with a man in such situations?

Self-esteem of men

When we try to understand why a man is afraid of beautiful and confident women, we often approach the issue superficially, writing off everything to the man’s self-esteem, although there is some truth to this. The first thing a man evaluates when meeting someone is appearance. A man’s reaction to a woman’s appearance depends on his self-esteem. The higher the self-esteem, the more a man is inclined to choose physically attractive women.

But the self-esteem of a man is only a small part of the problem.

Communication skills

From my practice, I noticed that even men with normal self-esteem can feel at ease with beautiful and confident women. Unfortunately, a man does not always get good communication skills with the opposite sex through education and upbringing, has a poor idea of \u200b\u200bhow to care for a woman, and is not familiar with female psychology.

Here are the confessions of a man: “... I don’t know how to behave so as not to offend her, not to scare her ... I need to meet certain standards and sometimes I feel awkward and awkward. It happened that I said something and the woman was offended ... "

Negative stereotype

Often in our judgments we follow stereotypes - erroneous generalizations. There is an opinion among men that beautiful and confident women are spoiled, capricious and emotionally unstable, because they are used to general attention and have more choices among men than other women. Especially committed to this stereotype are men who have had negative experiences with beauties. And least of all, a man wants to have a woman next to him, who will destroy his courageous composure with his whims and promiscuous emotions.

Here is a life example of how a man spoke about his relationship with a beautiful and confident woman: “ My girlfriend was a model, all men always paid attention to her, they constantly approached and offered a drink in the bar, tried to get to know each other, regardless of the fact that she was not alone. She constantly had to say that she was with a friend, and I had to drive everyone away from her. We were simply not allowed to spend time calmly. Every week she wanted to buy new clothes and I had to provide her with it, otherwise she would become unhappy. She was used to attention, admiration and constantly demanded it. This is all good for a short romance, but for a long relationship - it bothers and exhausts. I'm tired. Yes, it’s nice to have a beautiful woman next to me, but it’s not always a happy relationship ... now I pass the beauties by the side, I’m sure that you will never be happy with them ... ”

Are they really afraid? How to interest a man or what else does he need?

The fears of men are not always to blame for the solitude of beautiful and confident women.

Beautiful people attract attention to themselves without much effort, they stand out with their external data, they are nice and want to look at. So, a beautiful girl easily gets the attention of many men without making any effort. This is where the cause of the problem lies, because she does not learn to find and develop natural female techniques that are of interest to men. Girls with more average data have to adapt more to the situation and instinctively find methods that ensure male interest in them.

Often, we women talk about beautiful single women: what a beauty, and what more men need! And really what?

The fact is that we look at women differently than men. A man passes the image of a woman through his filter of sexual interest. And we look more from an aesthetic point of view. For us, a woman may look like a plain-looking simpleton, and for a man to be an object of desire.

A man has an interest in that woman who creates sexual tension and emotional excitement, with her appearance, manner of movement, communication, voice intonations, humor, intelligence. For all this, beauty is not so important, although fine if it is also present. More important is individuality, what makes a woman unusual, full of charm and sexual attractiveness.

A man begins to move toward a woman, or as Olga wrote, she decides " start the hunt"When experiencing sex drive. Often women have a negative attitude to the idea of \u200b\u200bsexual attraction, confusing it with the sexual act itself, considering it to be vulgar, fearing that it will provoke only an affair and will not lead to a long serious relationship. In fact, sexual attraction may not be at all connected with the sexual act itself and may occur in the most innocent situations and in the most neutral contexts. For example, during a conversation, exchange of views, when exchanging remarks.

If a beautiful woman does not know how to create sexual tension and emotional excitement between herself and a man, then she, as they say, “shines, but does not warm”, does not cause a desire to move towards her and seek her attention. A man “flies” into the light, that is, pays attention to a beautiful woman, but since she “does not warm,” he does not stay close for long.

There are women who, without possessing outstanding external data, naturally learn to arouse the interest of a man through influencing his imagination, acting on all his senses. Vision is affected by gait, gestures, expressive looks, clothes and accessories of the women's toilet, paying attention to attractive parts of the body. The timbre of the voice, the manner of conversation, unexpected intriguing remarks, easy communication, the ability to laugh beautifully or to sing some kind of motive influence the hearing. The smell is influenced by the aromas of a well-groomed body. In my article, I wrote about the vomeronasal organ and the role of odors. Touch is affected by spontaneous unexpected touches. It tastes like a joint meal in a romantic setting.

If you are a beautiful woman, but you think that men are afraid of you, train to create sexual tension causing excitement in men and they will begin to show more desire to “hunt” for you.

Answer your questions:

Do you know how to create a slight sexual tension using your voice, movements, conversation, humor? Do you know how to easily and naturally flirt and flirt with a man? What is your personality, how do you differ from other women? How predictable and ordinary are you? Do you know how to make a man laugh on a date, even if he is reserved and restrained?

Good luck and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetvetbulotte!