Why do people become evil.

Throughout our lives, we are surrounded by many people with whom we have to deal with one way or another, these are our friends, classmates, classmates, then colleagues, acquaintances of acquaintances, employees of shops and other institutions, even just passers-by. And, unfortunately, not all of them are friendly, and the question arises, why are people evil, why do they relate to life, or, specifically, to us, with aggression? After all, we are all brought up in about the same traditions, love for our neighbor, since childhood, parents tell us not to do evil to people, so why do we do evil?

Anger and its causes

The issue of anger and aggression has long worried society. Various sciences are engaged in the study of human behavior, including psychology. A lot of work and research is devoted to people's anger, while anger and aggression are considered in various aspects: the causes of anger, its nature, anger management, protection against anger and so on.

Anger is a sharp and pronounced feeling of dissatisfaction with something or someone. Anger often grows into aggression, a person proceeds to actions that are aimed at causing harm to others or the object, which is the cause of the anger. From the definition, we see that anger has its own reasons, and they are quite diverse, here are some of the reasons why certain people became evil:

Dissatisfaction with life, disappointment (including oneself), this also includes a person’s condition such as frustration (an emotional state caused by unjustified expectations, the inability to satisfy needs).
Envy.
Life shocks (personal misfortune, loss, and so on)
Jealousy.
Psychological trauma.
Psychological illnesses.
Depression.
Stress and fatigue.
Increased emotionality, a tendency to impulsive actions.

In the above list, there are reasons that depend on both external factors and the person’s internal state. In addition, anger tends to accumulate, while different causes of anger overlap each other, which can lead to serious mental illness and health problems. In some situations, anger is a protective reaction of the body to the current situation, or a signal for a person that something in his life is going wrong.

First of all, you need to understand that not all people are evil, and evil people are far from always such. Even the most evil people in a different situation and setting can be pleasant in communication and kind.

It is not always the person to blame for the fact that he is angry, sometimes his environment makes him so, the trials and life itself fall to his lot. Evil people can be changed for the better, one of them will have enough attention to become kinder (for example, a person is angry because he is lonely, or he was offended). And others need specialized help from psychologists, or even medical treatment.

How to behave with evil people

When communicating with an evil person, it is necessary to remember that he is in an affective state, that is, he is not at odds with himself, and can not completely control himself. It’s not worth provoking them; sometimes it’s not always possible to settle the conflict through negotiations. And if the anger is directed at you, you should leave and continue the conversation after the person calms down.

If you are wondering why people have become angrier around you, evaluate your behavior: do you incite aggression in others. Perhaps you put pressure on people, set a negative tone for the environment, or your other traits cause them anger. After all, the easiest way to blame the environment than to look for reasons in yourself.

Remember that anger is a destructive feeling. It pulls a person back, does not allow him to develop, achieve goals, takes away strength, if you feel that anger is growing in the depths of your soul, do not lock yourself up, share your experiences. Perhaps this will allow you to find the reasons for its occurrence and deal with the problem. In no case can one keep anger in oneself; one just needs to learn to express it in a peaceful manner, constructively.

Throughout a person’s life, other people constantly surround him, with whom they have to communicate and encounter in one way or another. These are colleagues, classmates, classmates, friends, employees of shops and other institutions, acquaintances of acquaintances, even just passers-by. However, not all of them, unfortunately, are friendly. And even good people can sometimes be angry.

Why are people evil? Why can they relate to life, to people with aggression? What makes them do this, because we are all brought up under similar conditions, in the same traditions, instilling love for our neighbor.

Causes of anger

Anger is a vivid and sharply expressed feeling of dissatisfaction with someone or something. It is not uncommon that anger can develop into, that is, a person is able to proceed to actions that will be aimed at harming the object or others that are causing anger.

Causes of anger:

1. Disappointment, dissatisfaction with life. Frustration should also be included here - such an emotional state that is caused by the inability to satisfy needs, unjustified expectations.

2. Envy.

3. Jealousy.

4. Life shocks (loss, personal unhappiness, and so on)

5. Psychological diseases.

7. Stress and fatigue.

8. Psychological trauma.

9. Depression.

10. The tendency to impulsive actions, increased emotionality.

11. A person simply wants to be like that.

13. The lack of a favorite cause.

In this list there are reasons that depend on the internal state of people and on external factors.

Properties of anger

1. In the above list there are reasons that depend on the internal state of people and on external factors.

2. In addition, anger has the ability to accumulate. At the same time, various causes of anger can overlap. And this can lead to serious mental disorder, including health problems.

3. Anger in some situations is a defensive reaction of a person to the current situation, or a signal for a person who warns that something is going wrong.

4. It must be understood that people are not always evil. The most evil people in different settings and situations are able to be kind and pleasant in communication.

5. Man is not always to blame for what is evil. Sometimes this is what life itself does, the trials that have fallen, and its surroundings.

6. Wicked the other way. For some, simple attention is enough for kindness to awaken in them. For example, a person is angry because of resentment or loneliness. For others, you will need specialized help from psychologists, or appropriate medication.

7. Anger is a destructive feeling, it accumulates. Therefore, it should be expressed constructively, in a peaceful manner. This will help to cope with the problem.

How to behave to a person with evil people

1. When communicating with such a person, it should be remembered that he is currently in an affective state. He is at odds with himself, so it’s difficult for him to control himself.

2. There is no need to provoke evil people, because it is not always possible to settle the conflict by negotiations.

3. If the anger is directed specifically at you, then it is advisable to retire, and continue the conversation only after the time has passed when the person has calmed down.

4. If you notice that it is around you that people have become angrier, then evaluate your behavior, try not to incite aggression in those around you. Perhaps you set a negative tone for the situation, put pressure on people, causing anger.

PHOTO Getty images

Why are our people so angry? Some secretary is sitting in the reception room, and through it alive you can’t get through. What's the matter?

Natalia Inina:

This behavior is called neurotic: a person does not load the situation with what it should be in reality. The task of the secretary is to help the boss to organize his time, and not to yell at someone. It used to be ubiquitous, remember any cashier, seller, everyone tried to demonstrate their power in their small place. It can be assumed that these people in life (not necessarily in childhood) were often humiliated, and the language of their communication was strength or weakness: either I am crushing or they are crushing me. This mechanism is called "projection": I survived the pain, something stuck in me, and now this time bomb starts to function. The projection mechanism was described by Freud, and this does not always apply to childhood; it can relate to experiences in adolescence, adolescence, and even adulthood. “Letting off steam”, a person experiences short-term pleasure, relief, but since the true problem is not resolved, the situation persists. And a person will cling, humiliate, use power in order to recoup. Only when he turns his face to the past, when he begins to recall or study with the psychologist that problem that is painful for him, then there is a chance that the projection mechanism will be stopped. But, unfortunately, these people rarely turn to specialists for help.

And what should the victim do in such a situation? Often he is forced to continue to communicate with those who offended him.

N. I.:

You know, as they say, they don’t take offense at patients: you can’t react to people who are inadequate. Take a psychiatrist: for example, his patients accuse him of stealing their money, but he will not take it seriously. For him, this will be evidence of pathology, he will take a detached position. Of course, the difference between us and the psychiatrist is that we are not ready for this kind of behavior, but I can not advise anything else here.

There is such a marker: behavior in the elevator. What are the people of our country doing when entering the elevator with a stranger? They stick into the phone, turn their backs and insert headphones into their ears. In Europe, they say hello and say a couple of friendly phrases ...

N. I.:

Here many different aspects are combined. Firstly, an elevator is an aggressive situation in itself. Each person should have a personal space, which does not include another, and an elevator is an a priori violation of this space. Please note: in an elevator, people, as a rule, do not look into each other's eyes, because this enhances the feeling of violation of this space. Instinctively, a person shows another way out of contact. If we take the second level of the problem, then it is clear that in our country there were 70 years of Soviet power and after that - difficult 90s. Here I will quote the theory of the influence of culture on the formation of Leo Vygotsky’s personality, historically we have developed a very high level of suppressed aggression, anxiety, tension. In Europe there was no such long-term suppression of personality and freedom, many years of humiliation of dignity. You see, Moses drove the Jews through the desert for 40 years, so that they would forget slavery, that new people would be born, probably, and we need to be patient. On the other hand, it is necessary to engage in enlightenment and raising the level of education and culture of our fellow citizens. A cultured person will never be a fanatic, an aggressor, an ambitious lover.

We have many painfully shy people who mask their shyness with arrogance. And this from what?

N. I.:

If we talk about adults, then, rather, it is not about shyness, but about tension. People subconsciously expect trouble: we are brought up by our country, where with such a shaky and not always working law everything can be expected. It is enough to see how Europeans and Russians behave in passport control: ours are very tense, a scandal or clarification can begin, who is the first and who is the last. Another line is shy children. In our culture, the tendency to put pressure on the child, demand submission from him, and laugh at the proposal to respect him is quite pronounced. Respect, yes you laugh, or what? He must, like a soldier, correspond to what I want and say. Of course, such a child is depressed, he is afraid, he is compressed, the boys go into hidden aggression, the girls into shyness. Children's shyness and inability to behave are very much associated with fear, awkwardness, and a lack of experience. Add to the behavior of parents the way teachers can behave in kindergartens, just the same way teachers allow themselves to behave, in particular, reprimanding the adults completely unceremoniously. You see, in our culture there is very little mutual respect, and such a thing as dignity is generally forgotten. Dignity, nobility, delicacy, simple Christian truths: do what you want others to do with you. All this is not vaccinated in our society.

Do I need to somehow deal with shyness in childhood? For example: a girl performs at a concert in the evening, and she says in the morning that her stomach hurts. But then it turns out that she is just scared.

N. I.:

This is called psychosomatics: the child is not confident in his abilities, he is afraid that he will not cope, and this applies to a certain level of anxiety, which is already peculiar to the child. In order to respond correctly, parents must read books on child psychology. If we understand that a child cannot be fed fried potatoes at two years old, because it is harmful to his health, we know this not naturally, but because we read articles on healthy eating. You also need to understand his psychology, and for this you need to understand your psychology too. Moreover, psychology is not as obvious as physiology. If I'm sick, then this is obvious to everyone. If I start to get sick psychologically, then it turns out that I’ll say ten times that my stomach hurts. And some other mother will call the doctor, and the daughter will continue to do so: not to solve any difficult situation, but to cover with pain in the stomach. Get away from a collision with real life in a disease.

Recently, the attitude towards children has rocked like a pendulum: before, the child was a second-class creature, but now it has become an object of worship. The result is controversial.

N. I.:

You know, for example, at four years old, a child must be uncomfortable and, in a sense, naughty. He should be curious, asking questions, crawling somewhere all the time. And obedient or not, it already depends on the wisdom and education of the parents, because there is a simple psychological rule: the child is always “yes”, and sometimes the behavior of the child is “no”. The child should feel that he is loved as such, a priori. And in our country it is customary: "you behave well - I love you, you behave badly - I do not love you." Of course, I do not say these words, but I demonstrate it: I do not look in the eyes, ignore, keep silent, do not communicate. The child perceives this as a rejection, as if they did not like him for something - and this is a gross violation of the basics of education. A child must live in an absolute atmosphere of unconditional love.

Another question, when he does it, he needs to be warm, but firmly say: "You know, I love you very much, but you shouldn’t behave like that." Strongly disagree with this behavior. At some point, the parent must demonstrate that he does not speak in such a tone and does not intend to discuss such issues. And to stay on this until the end, because very often you see how parents react quickly to their temper, and then fade out after five minutes. It’s impossible to invent anything worse if the parents are inconsistent, if they are wound from one edge to another. And you are absolutely right about the roll of society in the other direction: "We were not allowed anything, and now we will arrange our children with real freedom." As a result, we do not teach children respect, we do not teach children that the other person has his own personal boundaries that need to be seen and appreciated.

And what to do with it?

N. I.:

It takes a lot of effort to remind people: they will be treated as they deserve. It is much more pleasant to see respectful, cultural treatment from our children, but they will only behave this way after we show them this example.

A meeting with psychologist Natalia Inina will be held in St. Petersburg on March 29–31. Natalia Vladimirovna arrives at the presentation of her third edition of the book “The Test of Childhood. On the way to herself ”, supplemented by events from her own life.

Timetable:

March 29 - Svyatodukhovsky spiritual and educational center (Monastyrki embankment, 1) - meeting with the author, presentation of books, answers to readers' questions.
March 30 - Institute of Psychological Counseling and Psychotherapy of the Russian Academy of Humanities (15 Fontanka River Embankment, room 603) - meeting with the author and a master class for psychologists.
March 31 - Bookstore Bookworm on the Uprising (Ligovsky pr., 10) - presentation of books, meeting with the author.

The beginning of 19:00. Free admission.

Why did people become angry? In the modern world, people are often embittered for life. When you walk along the street and suddenly look into the face of a passerby, the desire to look at people completely disappears. Most walk with sullen facial expressions. Everyone has their own problems in life. People lack material wealth, family well-being, happiness and love. They are looking for it everywhere, but considering that they see the bad sides in everything, few people find it and therefore are upset and angry. All living creatures on this planet are created in order to enjoy life and accept its gifts, but it has loaded its brain with itself, that everything goes to great difficulty. Some believe that they are unworthy of wealth, they even stopped dreaming and believing.

All people love to have them. But how can one understand and love an evil person? When you try to sip something, to understand it, you come across spikes and insults in your address. Complaints of misunderstanding are a common manifestation of the character of such a person. Well, how can you not be offended that there is no one to listen to and support you? Yes, you yourself reject any approach from the outside. Try to give a chance to family people and you will understand that they are not as bad people as it seemed before. If no one comes to you on your own, don’t get angry and do not keep everything in yourself, come yourself, I assure you it will be much easier. And those around you will no longer be afraid and ignore you. When you need help, you need to ask for it, when you need support, there are many around who can support.

It’s hard to live if you don’t feel strong support behind. Look at the world with different eyes, it is not as scary and cruel as it seemed. Even if some person is unkind to you, stop blaming him for this, think about it and perhaps realize that you yourself are to blame for the situation. Stop spoiling, try to improve them.

Goals Achieved

Unloved job, low salary, lack of growth and advancement in life. Another good reason for anger. No one can be happy about what is happening at the moment, if the pursuit of something does not work out in any way. Do not close yourself and take offense at life. Maybe this is just not what you need now, but if you really want to, try other methods that you would never have taken up before. This will help you support and understanding of family people. How to achieve this was written in the first paragraph. Every person needs goals in order to develop. It is possible that you do not have aspiration yet and you have not thought about what you really want. I propose to do it right now. You need to have some kind of end point in your head. To think about how you will live, if you achieve your plan. Make a list and act. The main thing is not to doubt.

It happens that one successful businessman, but studied at the school and institute somehow, and the other excellent student in all subjects, with a bunch of letters and thanks, but somehow the work is not found and life does not go well at all. Then such a negative emotion as envy wakes up. Everyone wants to live and not deny anything to themselves. Most likely, he who became a businessman never thought that he was unworthy of something or that he envied the other. He just had a plan by which he soon got the results. Do not envy anyone, value what you have. Do not think that all the blessings fall from heaven into the hands, this is not so. Most often, hard work and faith in a successful outcome are hidden behind the results achieved. Rejoice for a successful person, look at how he behaves and what he says. You can learn a lot of useful things for yourself. You may also be so, well, or even better. Everything depends on you.

They say that there are no evil people, there are those offended by life. Resentment is also a negative emotion. And it takes root from the fact that society is used to blaming other people for all circumstances. What's the point of this? If you want to do something, you need to stick together, look for allies and a common idea, and not be offended by each other. The fragmentation allows cities and countries, let alone a small team. Civil strife is a terrible thing. We must try to avoid its appearance at all stages of work. They can destroy everything. Need support, ask, need advice, contact. No one wants evil. Stop thinking like that. Learn to help and support others and they will answer you the same. It’s high time to understand that among friends it is not worth looking for enemies. It is not profitable for you. Grievances separate people, make them strangers. Understanding in the future is very difficult to get back. Take responsibility for your actions and maybe some kind of logical chain will be traced, you will come to understand that there are no guilty parties to the disagreement, there is only a desire to evade responsibility.

Negative stereotypes

How many times have they told the world that emitting negativity, you will attract even more such situations that cause negative emotions. What is needed for success? The belief that everything will come true. If you want to taste success, feel like a successful and prosperous person. Give yourself a full breath. Break the shackles of unnecessary statements that have piled up in your head for many years. Release them and start living differently. Think more about dreams, make plans, even the most incredible ones, build your life the way you dream about. Help each other push off a dead center and start moving. You need to learn how to give more. Everything will definitely come back. Of course, at first you will have to make an effort and show willpower, prove to yourself that all steps are not done in vain. Write how you want to see your life in a few years. Only without restrictive stereotypes and act. Do not believe the words, better try.