Nobody loves me. Nobody loves me: what to do if you really think so

“It seems to me that no one loves me. I have no real friends, my parents only reproach and point out mistakes. And I want a simple human understanding, warmth, attention! ”

“I am tired of giving my love to others, and in return getting a knife in the back. They use me, wipe their feet, ignore me. Nobody loves Me. All the time I think, why so? Why do some bathe in love and attention, while others kick in life, like ugly ducklings? ”

The thirst for love is an understandable need. From the first days of life to the last breath, a person needs an affectionate word, care, understanding. Without it, he will grow stale and wither. Even flowers that are looked after without proper warmth will wither faster. But why no one loves some people, while others literally bathe in care and attention? And most importantly, what needs to be done to be loved?

What is the reason?

If no one loves a person, then in 90% of cases it is his merit. Especially when it comes to others, not parents. Only father and mother love a child just like that, for its mere existence.

It is inherent in nature. Moreover, the parental instincts are sometimes so strong that the "child" is cared for and cherished until old age. They don’t care what kind of son or daughter a person is; their love is unconditional. They can justify anything - deception, frivolity, drunkenness. Even the killing. It is such unconditional love that each of us seeks.

Unfortunately, society is not capable of loving “just like that”. They lack the very parental instinct that gives them the magical ability to ignore actions and human behavior.

Even parents do not always love their children. For example, such an instinct has been erased by drunkards, drug addicts, people who grew up or are now in difficult living conditions.

Therefore, if no one loves a person, then look for the cause, first of all, you need in yourself. Excessive arrogance, rudeness, constant nagging, talkativeness, conflict, and much more can repel people. Moreover, the opinion from the outside is sometimes radically different from their own ideas.

What repels people?

If no one loves you, then the first thing you need to think about is “what am I doing wrong?” Often we justify our negative behavior by acting in good faith. However, it is not thoughts that are evaluated from the outside, but actions.

For example, if you, a guy in his prime, have not given way to an old woman in public transport because of poor health, then you will still make far from flattering conclusions.

In addition, others may dislike for the manner of communication. The following behavior is particularly repulsive:

How to win the love of others?

What if nobody loves you? The first thing you need to stop concentrating on yourself. You need to give love yourself. If the message is sincere, then all efforts will pay off in full.

What does that require:

Opinion of the author. When a person says, “Nobody loves me,” he is somewhat disingenuous. Surely there is at least one close person nearby - mom, sister, grandmother, girlfriend. And this is already a lot. From my own experience I will say that complaints of dislike often come from raging egoism, when a person was not supported in time, reproached, or failed. But this is life. Relatives do not always have the opportunity to show their love. They also have their own worries and sorrows. Treat this with understanding. Surely your problem is not so serious, or you just misrepresented it.

How to attract the right people?

It’s rare, but it happens that the reason for the offensive “Nobody Loves Me” is hiding in the wrong environment. Some simply masterfully attract the “wrong” people. For example, your friends just cry in your vest, but they themselves do not support you at a difficult moment. Or guys start a relationship just for the sake of sex. Unfortunately, sometimes other people really pursue their selfish goals. In order not to fall into such a situation, listen to the following tips:

1. Seek friendship or love among people with similar interests and views.
2. Be open, but watch how the other person opens to you.
3. Pay attention not to words, but to deeds.
4. Do not tolerate lies, rudeness, rudeness, betrayal.
5. Observe how a person behaves with his parents, which speaks of friends and acquaintances.
6. Take a break or do some common things. This method will help you quickly figure out how close you are with a girlfriend or boyfriend.

That, in fact, is all. It remains only to recall the famous saying that you are not a coin to please everyone. Some people like calm and reasonable, others like eccentric and cheerful people. The main thing is to love and appreciate yourself. Then the right people will surely be attracted. Good luck!

Olga, Moscow

It is unlikely that anyone will be surprised that most of our adult problems form in the first years of life. Only here is the paradox: everyone knows about it, but they don’t want to try on themselves. Indeed, it is much simpler to think that the true reasons for today's dissatisfaction are that "I'm doing something wrong now" or "it is my fault." Meanwhile, both one and the other are true: in order to be happy, you have to change a lot today, but you cannot brush aside the past, as if it did not exist. The psychological law is the same for everyone: if you run away from an unpleasant past, it will catch up, if you work with it (and first recognize it), it will let go.

The constant feeling of "dislike" (real or perceived) is almost always the consequences of childhood experience. That time, when not only our psyche is laid, but also the foundations of future relationships with people, our perception of ourselves and those around us. If the child was not given the opportunity to feel loved, then this sense of self then simply will have nowhere to come from. And here we are talking not only about dysfunctional families. The most striking illustration of the problem is the statement of one tenth grader: “My dad does not love me. He loves his adult daughter, who does not smoke, does not drink, does not walk with boys and studies well. ” Because of parents who love only for something, only “if you are a good girl”, you can feel unloved all your life. If you remember the feeling “nobody loves me” from childhood (and not just it visited you at the time of a bad mood) and it does not dissipate, even when you understand with your mind that you are loved, persuading yourself, proving the obvious, is pointless, and scolding is harmful . Only a psychologist can help here.

Too good

“She is so wonderful! Why is she so unlucky? ”Your friends are surprised. And vying with each other, your advantages describe: a pretty appearance, the ability to cook deliciously and a fair amount of career achievement. And every word is true, but at the same time you cry at night from loneliness, because there is nobody around. A possible reason is that you are too good for those you choose. It’s hard for men to “reach out” for you, subconsciously it’s unpleasant for them to compare themselves with such a successful girl, and they run away. If you want to change, analyze your life experience, understand why you choose such men. Having discovered the root of evil (perhaps it is also in childhood), you can cope with the problem.

Again not him ...

If you talk with a “unloved” girl, it often turns out that she has fans, and sometimes not at all “one-day ones,” but loyal and faithful. Some invite to a movie or restaurant, others give flowers and gifts, and even a childhood friend is always ready to come and do men's housework, and absolutely disinterestedly. Sometimes the confidence in their own “dislike” does not disappear even among married young ladies, and in fact beloved by their husbands. But the reason is simple: they don’t “do not love”, but “do not love”. And who? Of course, He is the same, the main love of all life. This can be a current man (for example, an ex-husband who has recently parted with) or a phantom from the past. Details are different. Sometimes the beloved is idealized (“only he was the most-most-most and possessed all inconceivable perfections”), and sometimes we are talking about a truly outstanding person who is difficult to find a replacement in his heart and in life.
  In other cases, the girl tired of this “not even love”, “obsession” long ago decided that her former gentleman was not worth a word. She is fully aware of all his shortcomings and ... nothing can be done. It will take a lot of painstaking work: think about whom and why you love? Listen to your friends and relatives who have long been telling you about his insecurity and bad character. Maybe you yourself know that. Take a sheet and write why you love it. It is likely that you no longer have any feelings, but there is only regret about his (feelings) loss. Isn't it better then to choose someone more worthy? However, if the image of the "only" obscures not only real people, but even the desire to build relationships with someone else, then all the cruel "denunciations of the villain" did not help. Or helped, but not completely. The path to new opportunities is still closed.
It is more difficult if your ex was endowed with a variety of valuable qualities for you. In this case, to permanently erase him from memory and find a new man of his dreams, you need a resource. Is this possible? Yes, but work with a specialist is required.

  Is that love?

Each of us has our own ideas about what love is and our wishes for a “package” in which we want to receive precious feelings. For some, this is a delicate and careful relationship to each other, for others it is a sincere desire to participate in all the problems of a loved one, to delve into everything, to help in everything. But it will be difficult for a pair of two such halves to feel satisfaction from the relationship: a delicate one will consider that he is “suppressed” (“Is it possible to talk about love with such an expansion!”). And the helper will feel that he is constantly “rejected”, that his beloved person “does not tell him anything about his life (“ Is it love when there is no trust! ”). And everyone in this couple is unhappy! To find harmony, you can and should look for those with whom the "form" of love coincides. But for this you must first understand yourself. The chances of getting what you want increase many times when you KNOW what you want. Therefore, take the time to formulate and write on a piece of paper (it’s more reliable) that you consider a manifestation of true love, what words and actions you expect from a partner. The more specific the description, the more likely it is to get what you want. For example, "so that he makes a lot of money and pampered me" is not good, write how much and all the mischief "by name".

   They don’t love, but then I ...

The trouble is, if you are trying to benefit from your "unloving". The trouble is primarily for you: in this case, you will not solve the problem, because you do not want to really part with it. Here the bitter feeling becomes a trap with a sweet bait. And now you already find excuse for any unseemly or simply harmful acts. For example, you can not take care of yourself (“anyway, I don’t have anyone”, “who cares what I look like”). Or to be careless about your health ("I will die - no one will cry"). Either constantly whining or being rude to others (“I have a hard life, so I break down”). But the logic “I feel bad, that means I have the right to everything” makes life easier in much the same way as alcohol or drugs. That is, at first glance it is significant, but in fact - bringing disproportionately more harm than good.

Often a crazy thought comes to the beautiful, well-groomed and colored according to the latest fashion head of an ordinary resident of the metropolis: "Nobody loves me." How? And you? Then let's figure out what's what.

To begin with, let's understand if this problem really is. Make it simple: get drunk. In the process, you can cry, watch a romantic comedy and ponder about your difficult fate. If in the morning you still think that nobody loves you, go to the second step - wait. Two days later, none of your friends and acquaintances wrote to you - it's bad. So, the matter is still in you, and not in those around you. Go to a psychologist - any feeling of dissatisfaction comes primarily from within, so a qualified specialist can help you begin to understand the reasons for your loneliness. Most often, there are three reasons.

In 90% of cases, this comes from childhood. Dad worked all the time, mom was busy with household chores, but every year there was less and less time for you. Remember: maybe you just didn’t receive love and attention in childhood, but is this beginning to manifest itself now?

An excess of parental love also leads to a crisis in adulthood. You are constantly hugged, kissed, indulged in gifts and said that you are the best and most beautiful girl in the world. As a result, the girl grows demanding and with the installation "I owe everything." And not having received unconditional love from others, he begins to ask the same question.

Unsure of people often talk about a lack of love - so they just ask for compliments that help them feel better.

And here are the most common causes of loneliness:

You're too good

Yes, don’t be surprised. You are beautiful, smart, cook deliciously, go to exhibitions and to the cinema, you have an interesting job and great prospects. Only now people understand that they need to "reach out" for you, and run away. And you sit alone in the evenings. Do not worry. So, you need to look for interesting people in other places.

You do not understand what love is

You expect constant praise from others, and they treat you, like everyone else. Understand: love is not constant flowers and compliments, but even the simplest “how are you?”, Said sincerely, and care.

You really push people away

For many reasons: maybe you behave strangely, your habits annoy others, you are arrogant or complain about life as a professional mourner at a funeral. Find the root of the problem and try to change it.

Remember the most important thing: until you yourself start to treat yourself fairly and love yourself with all your shortcomings, you can not wait for the love of others. It is all about self-awareness: when you love yourself, you are confident in yourself and carry yourself with the grace of a queen. And this is very attractive to other people.

How to love yourself? In short: shut yourself off from people who bring a solid negative into your life, and take care of self-development: read books, watch interesting films, change your hairstyle, and renew your wardrobe. My personal life hack: get a big trash bag and throw everything you don't need out of your apartment. You will immediately feel relief and give space to something new.

How to be loved? Many girls ask this question. If for someone such thoughts arise only during a period of bad mood, then for other representatives of the fair sex this is a real complex that requires a consultation of a psychologist. So what to do if no one loves you (or seems to not love)? Where do all these problems come from and how to deal with them?

There are many ways to deal with the situation on your own. It is enough just to believe in yourself, find new hobbies, get rid of excessive or too low self-esteem. The main thing is to understand the problem and believe in yourself. Then everything will turn out!

First social environment

Most of the "adult" psychological problems are formed in childhood, including the level of self-esteem, complexes, a feeling of "dislike" and so on. In childhood, after all, not only the psyche is laid, but also the foundations of relationships with other people, the perception of oneself and the world. So if the child was not given the opportunity to feel loved, then where does this sensation come from in adulthood? If the "magic jug of love" is not filled, difficulties, psychological problems and violations arise.

And, interestingly, we are not talking about dysfunctional families. Some adults "love" only for good grades, the absence of bad habits and problems with the law in adolescence. But love and upbringing are completely different things. Whatever the child, he needs to be loved, otherwise the parents themselves lay down a huge number of complexes that will pursue the grown daughter or son in adulthood.

What if nobody loves you? If this feeling is inherent in childhood, and not just visits from time to time against the background of a bad mood, an unsuccessful romance or a quarrel with parents, then only a qualified psychologist will help to understand the problem. In this case, convincing yourself is completely pointless, scolding is completely harmful.

From a lack of love for complexes

The child is aware of his personality through an adult attitude. If an adult (father, mother, other relatives) loves, cares, is interested in life and success, then the child himself begins to love himself, learns to value his personality. In the opposite situation, the child may doubt his “need” and transfer the burden of doubt into adulthood. Attention deficit in childhood can lead to inferiority, vulnerability, the habit of hiding in a shell, vulnerability, insufficient self-esteem, and self-doubt. The same is the root of the problems in building relationships in adulthood, and relations of both friendship and romance.

From a lack of love for aggression

Violations in relations with parents can cause a girl or young man to wonder what to do if no one loves you as an adult. There are two possible scenarios. Firstly, the situation can develop into complexes, and secondly, it can cause dislike or even aggression towards others in adulthood.

A person who was “disliked” in childhood can increase the distance with other people in order to avoid stress when parting, not to be deceived, to maintain autonomy. So you can completely not enter into confidential communication, content with short novels or casual intimate relationships. Another option is to reduce the distance. Intrusive attention can be a way to gain support, love. There is also a risk here - the risk of dissolving in a relationship, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good.

From a lack of love for love

Even if there were problems in childhood, you can love yourself and the world around you at any age. It’s time to take responsibility for our own lives. This is much better than constantly repeating: "What if no one loves you?" You need to forget any excuses for yourself and decide for yourself how to relate to yourself and the world.

“Why does no one love me?” The psychologist’s answer can be very simple. For example, marriage specialist G. Chapman claims that one way or another, but all parents love their children. The problem can only be that the child did not know how to read this attention, love and care.

So, psychologists distinguish five languages \u200b\u200bof love. Some parents can rejoice in the victories of their child and say words of admiration, while the baby himself was waiting for a heart-to-heart talk. Or, for example, father and mother spend a lot of time with the child, and the son or daughter is waiting for help in order to feel protected.

Reasons for "dislike"

I want happiness and love to all without exception. So the problem needs to be solved. In some cases, you can part with doubts yourself, in others, you will definitely need the help of a psychologist. Despite the fact that psychological problems are laid in childhood, the main reasons (“Nobody loves me”) are fairly easy to find out.

So, we begin listing the possible causes of the problem. Some people, trying to look funny, begin to annoy with their jokes. But you need to know when to stop. You should not go far with your antics and jokes, otherwise a person may simply evaporate from your life.

Another possible reason is the broadcast of negativity. Example: the usual question, "How are you?" Many people pronounce this phrase several times a day, sometimes several dozen times. Of course, people hope to hear something like “good,” “not bad,” “excellent,” or any other positive answer. But no one likes it when the interlocutor begins to tell stories from everyday life. Conclusion: no need to once again “load” others with their problems.

Usually they try to bypass those who look inaccessible. A strict look, an eternal office dress code, closeness to communication - all this does not in any way favor friendly relations with people around. They still don’t like those who talk a lot, are negative, obsessive, play drama or arrogant.

Solution

How does a woman become loved? Everything is really very simple. First you need to love yourself. It is better to deal with the problem slowly, consistently and consciously. Firstly, you need to adequately evaluate yourself, secondly, to believe in yourself, thirdly, you should get rid of fears, fourthly, learn how to properly perceive failure, fifthly, to abandon idealization. Now about all the stages in more detail.

Increase self-esteem

Others love and respect those who easily go through life and are always charged with a positive, rather than delving into children's grievances and complexes. To correct a situation with low self-esteem, you can, for example, work on your appearance. It is worth considering how to fix everything that can be corrected and annoying in order to finally learn to love yourself. Maybe you need to lose a couple of extra kilos or visit a solarium? A manicure session raises the mood no worse than a delicious chocolate bar. You can also change the hairstyle, make a piercing or even a tattoo (possibly temporary). The “therapeutic” effect also has cleaning, moving in the house or repair.

How to be loved?

But what if people try to avoid because of the habits of the princess? In that case, what if no one loves you? It must be remembered that no one should and must not be perfect in everything, respect for all people, calm attitude to criticism, and analysis of one’s mistakes should also be shown.

Self-belief

It is necessary to throw out from the head the thought that nothing will work. There are many life-affirming examples of those who, despite physical disabilities or constant bad luck, coped with the situation, pulled themselves together and achieved success.

Getting rid of fears

No need to be afraid that the situation will never change. The level of self-esteem can rise even after buying a new dress, so being sad that something is not right now as we would like, as a rule, is pointless. Maybe you should not sigh about a difficult life, but just think about how to rectify the situation for the better? Do not regret the lack of a partner, because many charming ladies live a very eventful life even despite the fact that they did not make a family nest. Among them, for example, Coco Chanel or Charlize Theron.

The ability to positively perceive failure

What makes successful people different? As a rule, such individuals perceive all failures only in a positive way. After all, every mistake or an unfortunate combination of circumstances is only an opportunity the next time to do the right thing. Many prominent personalities did just that. For example, the famous writer Stephen King went around as many as thirty publishers before he managed to publish the cult novel “Kerry”, and actress Faina Ranevskaya was kicked out of the Moscow Region theater at the beginning of her career and called it “perfect mediocrity”.

In addition, it is very useful to abandon idealization. You may recall, for example, that practically none of the models has the ideal appearance and intelligence of a Nobel laureate. You can just love someone here and now, as well as yourself. Self-development should bring pleasure, and focus on someone does not improve mood and self-esteem at all. You just need to enjoy the most wonderful relationships in life, that is, an affair with yourself. In addition, you need to understand that other people can also enjoy this novel. You need to work on yourself, develop and communicate with other people with pleasure.