Workshop of your life. Why does a person feel miserable

I can not understand what is happiness? I cry every day because absolutely nothing pleases me. Should I rejoice at the little things, then something unpleasant happens immediately. Apparently, Allah does not love me. In my life there is not what I want. My needs are not realized. I can not dress in the style that I like. Unrequited love is killing me from the inside out every day. Self-esteem decreased due to the fact that I fell out of love. Relatives do not understand me. I am a melancholy person, unfortunately. I have almost no friends, because I am an introvert. I know that temperament cannot be changed. In general, I do not live, but exist. (I'm not exaggerating.) I don't know what I'm doing wrong? How can I be happy? Will it be so all my life ...

Answers:

In terms of religion:

I will try to break your letter into some parts and comment on them. So, you think that Allah does not love you, but I have a counter-question for you: do you love Him? Are you obedient to him? How diligent are you in fulfilling His commandments and forsaking what was forbidden by Him? Try to answer these questions for yourself.

Are you angry that you don’t have everything you want, but does everyone else have it? Who doesn’t want, for example, to eat or dress well? As the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, one must look at those below you, poorer, who are in a worse position, and give praise to Allah that you are not one of them.

Can't dress what you want? Think, after all, there are people who have nothing to wear at all! There are those who don’t have clothes at all, their main problem is to go to bed with a not so strong feeling of hunger.

Allah Almighty in the Qur'an repeats twice that all difficulties are surely followed by relief.

And happiness is the presence in the heart of faith, knowledge and awareness with the whole heart of the existence of the Creator. To be born and die in Islam is true happiness. Happiness is to have such a god as Allah, the Merciful and the Good, the Forgiving and the Generous. It is impossible to love and be grateful, to feel the support and guardianship of someone you do not know. Therefore, you first need to know your Creator, and for this you need to study His religion, the Sunna of His Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him), which primarily refers to Allah and His attributes. Begin to observe all the canons of Islam, to fulfill all the requirements, especially daily five-fold prayer. A person who, having completely surrendered to Allah, fulfills it, thinks only about Allah during its fulfillment, experiences spiritual harmony, complete satisfaction, calmness.

When a person commits a sin, heaven asks the Almighty to allow them to fall on this sinner, but the earth asks for permission to devour him, and drown the sea. Do you think that the Almighty tells them what answer the heavens, the earth and the sea receive? The Almighty answers them: “Leave him! If you created it, you would love as I did! ” Therefore, to say or think that the Almighty does not love you wrongly.

Whether it will be like this all your life or not depends on you, only you can stop all this and start living, and not, as you put it, exist.

Often, people, for the most part their fair half, who do not have any desire to live, find it when they find their soul mate. The family is the key to a normal life, it gives many people a reason to live and be happy. Children are the cause of joy for many people. If you meet a good young man, marry him and have children. Having given birth to children, you will feel joy, happiness, a desire to live, because you will live for someone!

I hope you will draw some conclusions from what was said for yourself and change your perception of your life. I wish you happiness in both worlds!

From the point of view of psychology:

Sooner or later, any of us in his life asks himself a question about what happiness is for him. Each in his own way finds an answer to this question in accordance with his needs and worldview. Reading your letter, you come across the fact that you are not so much thinking about what it means to you to be happy, but how much you lament for the happiness that has already been lost.

Apparently, events have occurred in your life that have somewhat crippled you. You are talking about lost love, more precisely, that a guy fell out of love with you and that this seriously affected your perception of your own personality, in particular, a decrease in self-esteem. It makes sense to look at what is happening in a different light, from the angle “what could it teach me?” The famous psychologist Stanislav Grof, in his concept of transpersonal psychology, draws up a very interesting thesis that any person who was somehow present in our lives, what it surely teaches us. And even if he didn’t act beautifully towards us, then instead of scolding him or humiliating himself, we should thank him for his experience and lesson. Think about what positive conclusions you can draw for yourself. Obviously, communicating with that guy, you unwittingly began to paint for yourself rainbow-colored pictures of the future, literally in stages painted your happy future. As a result, after he refused you, you did not so much have to survive the loss of a loved one as the loss of your own model of a cloudless future. What lesson can be learned from this? That's the question you should ask yourself, instead of self-flagellation and humiliation of your own dignity.

You say that you do not have what you want and that your needs remain unfulfilled. Almost any person can say such a thing about himself, since we all have our own desires, the question is not this, but what exactly you want for yourself and what is the objective nature of your desires. Quite often it happens that a person desires for himself that ultimately he can turn against him. We must think that if something in life does not work out for us, then this will be more good for us than harm, just an understanding of this usually comes later. Do not be sad now and be categorical in your conclusions, problems in life happen in order to temper our character, prepare for new heights and stages of life, all these are links of one chain. Refuse to label yourself, such as “I'm a melancholy, I'm an introvert,” etc. A person with any temperament can be equally happy or unhappy, it all depends not on temperament, but on lifestyle. Set a specific goal and start striving for it. Act in stages, through small victories, the only way to achieve the desired. The main thing is not to despair, if not everything will work out right away, show effort. Convince yourself that you really need it, and then new horizons will open before you.

Muhammad Amin - Haji Magomedrasulov
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center for social assistance to families and children

Recent studies at the University of Houston have revealed that running away from strong emotions prevents us from experiencing bliss. When we avoid difficult emotions, we also deprive ourselves of intense joy, gratitude, and happiness. Our natural tendency to avoid pain, in other words, may be the reason that we are never satisfied.

This poses a big question for us: Maybe some of our coping and coping mechanisms - even small everyday things - can be the reason that we don’t feel happy?

If we develop the right habits in ourselves, we can manage our emotions in such a way as to constantly feel happy. This will be of great benefit - including satisfaction from life. Before you, man, nine typical mistakes that prevent us from being happy.

1. You add too much value to doing something

Too concentrate on achieving happiness - this is exactly what can make you, on the contrary, unhappy. According to a study by the University of Denver, the pursuit of happiness only moves you away from it. This study found that people who put more pressure on themselves and exhaust themselves for their own happiness feel more lonely than those who do not. Pressure on yourself for any reason - this is already stress, which automatically makes impossible happiness and badly affects health.

2. You keep everything in yourself

While you are concentrating on the bright side of life, pitfalls are inevitable - right, you have to look at life optimistically, not stick up, but restraining yourself in the most difficult moments is simply harmful. Tears are the emotional reaction of the body to external tension - good and bad. The same applies to emotional outbursts. By restraining yourself, you endanger your physical and mental health, and both of these points are indispensable for happiness.

3. You share too much

4. You are constantly sitting on social networks or rummaging through a smartphone

Keeping in touch with others is a way to be happy, but if you connect with them exclusively through social networks, it is likely to harm you. The University of Michigan found that high activity in social networks makes life much less fun and provokes a bad mood. The study found that the more time a person spends on social networks, the worse he feels. The users who spent the most time updating news feeds felt the most miserable and least satisfied.

Constantly staying in touch with someone is a hoax. You stick in social networks, and important moments fall out of your life: you try to grab onto them, but nothing comes of it. If you don’t get away from your smartphone for hours, it negatively affects not only your mood, but also your productivity.

5. Are you trying to do everything

It seems to you that trying to do everything at once: to work, communicate, study, and work around the house is what will bring you the most satisfaction. In fact, quite a turn. Constant attempts to be in time everywhere quickly spoil your feeling of happiness. A study published in 2011 showed that working people trying to keep up even at home put more pressure on themselves. Those who look at things realistically feel much happier. You can’t do everything in life at the same time - but you can try and manage everything that is important to you.

6. You do not analyze the past

Living in the past is not something we can advise you on, but nostalgia can sometimes lead us in the right direction. In 2012, a study of nostalgia and emotions showed that participants feel physically more comfortable when they recall the past. Nostalgia helps you feel warm and give meaning to the present. Nostalgia also creates a physical feeling of warmth, which is why you feel happy.

7. You do not move

Everyone knows that a healthy lifestyle - physical and mental - is a gigantic component of happiness. However, many of us do not practice it. Just go for a walk - this is the best solution, and it’s a lot of benefit. Walking will help you reflect, increase your creativity and even give you vitamin D. By simply moving your legs, you help the body produce endorphins and feel happy.

8. You resist change

Let's say that your career and your personal circumstances are exactly what you would like. Your life is already good, and you want it to stay that way, but if you hold back the changes, you will not see happiness. The human brain intuitively tries to avoid losses - however, this kind of resistance can become, you guessed it, the cause of stress. Just because you like your life, you should not resist change. This is the fear of the unknown or the fear of loss - they are understandable, but in most cases meaningless.

9. You do not meditate

If you do not leave yourself time to reason quietly, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to become smarter and more positive. If you have such a habit, it is useful: abstract thinking is a kind of reboot for the brain. They help to be emotionally stable and give you the ability to perceive information faster.

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Hello, friends!   Why do we feel miserable?

No, well, actually - why?
Few people like this ... But at the same time, we all sometimes (and someone very often) feel miserable, lonely, unnecessary, misunderstood or underestimated. Where does it come from sadness and spleen? And is it possible to overcome it? Let's try to figure it out.

There are many reasons, and today I would like to focus on unjustified expectations. How often does it happen that we waited for one thing, and real life presented us with something completely different. Disappointing weather, favorite football team, work colleagues, close people. And this inconsistency   what is desired and true makes us feel cheated.

Situation number 1 : the girl is waiting for the young man to lead her to an expensive restaurant on a date. And the guy invites to the pizzeria. And it seems - nothing happened, but the girl is already offended, and her companion wonders - why? After all, he leads his lover to the most comfortable pizzeria, in an insanely beautiful place! But the girl was waiting for another, her expectations are not met, and she is disappointed.

Situation No. 2. You have long wanted to go on vacation at sea. Your imagination, with the help of commercials and films about resort novels, has already painted you a picture of an ideal vacation, always with kisses at sunset. But only elderly German tourists live in the hotel, and no novels are expected. You have a wonderful time: swim, enjoy the cuisine and good wine, take a walk. Why are you disappointed?

We conclude that our imagination, drawing rainbow-colored pictures, makes the encounter with reality even more painful.

But if you really want something, you do not need to rely on a combination of circumstances or other people. They are not aware of your dreams, and, with a high degree of probability, will disappoint.

Want a restaurant? Why not tell your soulmate about it, instead of taking offense and waiting for him to guess?

Need a holiday romance? Definitely needed? Well, you know how to get dressed and where to go.

It's all up to us.   Only you can realize your dreams with a guarantee.

Another common reason for sadness is imposed desires.

Anatoly is happy in marriage. He has a strong family: his beloved wife and little daughter-daughter. Anatoly is devoted to his wife and does not want to cheat on her at all. But he has friends, all desperate bachelors who constantly boast of their many victories on the love front. Against the background of these conversations, the faithful spouse suddenly begins to feel miserable. He realizes that in vain he bound himself with the shackles of marriage. That he deprived himself of the freedom and joy of flirting and seduction. As a result, he is almost ready to have an affair on the side.

But does he really need this?   Let's look into the future - when he cheats on his wife and loses his family, he, of course, will gain that very freedom. But why is our hero tearing his hair out and asking to get everything back?

Everything is simple - in fact, Anatoly did not wantno love adventures. It was an induced, imposed desire. Its implementation does not make a person happy.

Now we are under the constant pressure of imposed desires. Consumer society exists because of this. Streams of advertising are trying to convince us that we urgently need a new car, a hair dryer for nails, a bank loan and a chocolate bar.

We don’t seem hungry, but on the screen we see roasted peanuts, thick caramel and a thick, thick layer of chocolate. And why did you suddenly feel like eating?

It is very difficult to figure out exactly what you want. To do this, you must be able to listen   to yourself, talk to yourself. And yet - do not rush.

Wait a minute or two, and the imposed hunger will go away. The sudden need to buy a magic simulator will also go there. Why do you need a simulator? A stone's throw from the house is a wonderful park with treadmills and horizontal bars.

And yet - if after the realization of some desires you urgently, at the same moment you need to brag about it, and after a couple of hours, days this event no longer brings any joy - I have bad news.

The desire most likely was not   Yours.

So, sometimes we are forced to want and achieve what we really do not want. Neither the process nor the result of these actions will make us happy.

Real satisfaction   brings only the realization of your true desires. In fact, this is a very broad topic, and we will definitely return to it.

The main thing to remember: " What gives us joy is not what surrounds us, but our attitude towards our surroundings, and we are happy to have what we love and not what others consider worthy of love. ”(C)Francois de Larochefoucauld

I am soon 29 years old! I look great, I have a husband and a child. There is a job and a hobby. We bought an apartment, made repairs there according to my project, everything seems to be fine. But I feel completely miserable. I tried to figure out what it could be connected with myself, but when I drip deeply, I begin to understand what and where I had to do my girlfriend. It upsets me even more. I understand that it is very weak in character, it just infuriates me. I can not solve my problems. Although no, I can - I drink whiskey and I feel good. And that scares me too. I am so educated that I can’t complain, because what I have, I really love, especially my child, and I understand that many do not. But I do not compare myself with those who have nothing, but with those who have what I want. And I envy these loves. And I ask myself the question "After all, I too could be like this, Why am I washing my pan now?" And I do not need material wealth (although with our income, it would not be bad) I want self-realization. And it’s very bright. One where I could not express myself in a narrow circle. Where I would feel needed and meaningful.
  And now I feel like a beast in a zoo. I go to work, do household chores, devote very little time to myself, and all this from week to week in a circle. I seem to be free, but I'm in prison. I can’t reveal myself, my potential. I used to be a charge of energy for everyone, I was always invited to the holidays, I traveled, after the first education I went to get a second, I did not sit idle for a minute. Now I'm also not sitting idle, but all I do now is all against my will ... everything is everyday and boring. And given the mortgage loan, the last couple of years we can’t afford anything at all. It’s not interesting for me to communicate with people, it seems to me that all the talk is empty. With my husband, we manage to discuss only household matters and everything related to the child. And every night before going to bed I think that something needs to be changed. That all this should not be so. But the alarm rings and it's all over again!
  When I was 18 I broke my leg and underwent three operations. Then I had a dream to dance. I was dancing, but after the fracture and rehabilitation I never started to fulfill this dream. I am now very sorry, because I could be ... but anything bright and tiny could be. All these rehearsals, shows, trips ... performances ...
Then I thought that dancing was dancing, but it was necessary to develop in work. I thought that by the age of 30 I would be very cool and important. I studied a lot. Now I practice interior design, while I can not boast of achievements. The main work for me is just an endless paper routine! In general, I do not know how to stop this daily madness and really do something important that will help me feel happy.
  I would like to get advice, I usually do not discuss this with anyone, so the same thoughts go around. I would like opinions from the outside.