Manic desire for purity is a disease. Mental illness cleanliness

The desire for cleanliness in his home has always been considered a positive feature, but if a person is literally crazy about the ideal order and wants to sterilize and disinfect everything that is possible, then experts say that this is a mental illness called ripophobia. An individual suffering from this phobia is constantly afraid of various pollution, prefers not to touch the objects surrounding him, especially, outside the house. Ripophobia is often observed in housewives, when the obsessive desire for perfect purity turns into the idea of \u200b\u200bfixation.

A person suffering from ripophobia constantly washes his hands, fearing that pathogenic microbes and dirt accumulate on them. But in reality, psychologists say that at such moments the patient does not think about possible infections, the factor of washed hands is important for him. This action calms him somewhat, although for a rather short time. The desire to avoid contact with foreign objects is so great that the ripophobe tries not to leave his apartment as much as possible in order to limit as much as possible the need to touch various foreign objects.

It is also reliably known that basically all ripophobes know that bacteria are also useful, which are simply necessary for a person to digest food, and not just salmonella and Escherichia coli. Nevertheless, a person suffering from ripophobia always overestimates the importance of the negative effects of various microorganisms, and I am sure that they are dangerous for any potential exposure. Ripophobia is a common symptom of anxiety and an obsessive-compulsive disorder that causes violent acts and unwanted thoughts. In some cases, ripophobia is associated with hypochondria - when there is a strong fear of contracting an infection. In most cases, ripophobia is considered as a specific phobia.

Causes of Ripophobia

Basically, this attitude to the environment and an excessive fear of dirt and germs is formed in childhood, and the child’s parents play a significant role in this. Of course, accustoming to cleanliness is an integral part of upbringing, but sometimes parents too focus on the baby's attention in this area, making him afraid to touch other people's toys, books, and so on. Ultimately, the unstable children's psyche begins to malfunction, and the baby learns only one thing - bacteria, dirt and danger are around.

Also, the cause of ripophobia is often a negative individual experience obtained already in adulthood, as a result of a certain traumatic event associated with pollution, dust. Sometimes it’s not even necessary to have your own negative experience, it’s enough to know that one of his friends has received serious problems associated with a lack of cleanliness and microbes.

Many psychologists believe that the sharp increase in ripophobia observed at the end of the twentieth century is often caused by people's concern about serious diseases such as AIDS. Ripophobia is known to be very common in America. There more and more people are using portable straps for the metro, they are acquiring a huge amount of disinfectants, they pay great attention to the hygienic processing of food products.

This might be due to such phobias:

Amatophobia - fear of dust

Bromhydrophobia (autodysomophobia, bromidrosiphobia) - fear of one's own smell, sweating

Bromidrosiphobia - fear of body odors

Dermatopathophobia - fear of getting a skin disease

Mesophobia - an obsessive fear of infection, infection and subsequent illness

Misophobia - fear of pollution

Microphobia - fear of germs

Source More detailed link and link .

Manic desire for cleanliness is a sign of neurosis or psychosis

Many women believe that the main thing in the house is cleanliness. They are engaged in cleaning almost every day, and if every two months.

The psychotherapist Ivan Fenin warns: an excessive desire for cleanliness can be a sign of latent neurosis and even psychosis, so you should not demand extreme accuracy from yourself and your relatives, this can lead to bad consequences.

Order is first and foremost!

There are a lot of women in the older generation who have very strict and firm rules regarding how and when to clean the house, how to put things in the closet, how often to change clothes and so on. They usually fulfill these requirements themselves, but sometimes they call on relatives to follow the “general plan” drawn up by them and consider those who are not concerned with cleanliness “missing” people.

Remember that all cleanliness is relative - not only leakage from neighbors, but also an earthquake, house demolition or fire can happen. Then all efforts to restore order will seem ridiculous. Try to look at them from this point of view, thank God that there is nothing like it in your life, and clean as much as you have enough time and energy without harming other interests.

It is useful for family women, with rare exceptions, to realize that men, alas, do not at all appreciate either the cleanliness or the order of the house. It bothers them, complicates life, while from home they expect peace and ease.

An infection is swarming around, you need to wash your hands as often as possible

There are people who have an increased sense of danger, anxiety in relation to their body. This is not selfishness, but a personality structure. In childhood, such boys, and more often girls, have pity on a torn out tooth, love to wash and, unlike their peers, neatly lay toys in boxes.

Under certain conditions, they may experience a “psychosis of clean hands”. In a situation of anxiety, they begin to wash their hands, first after the street, after visiting someone else's house, which they will not like. And then at home, so much so that over time they erase their skin on their palms to the point of blood.

1. The psychosis of handwashing requires treatment according to special psychotherapeutic techniques. But, if you notice it in your lungs, you can try one of the algorithms proposed by American psychotherapists.

● Do not wash the floor of your bathroom for a week. After that, wipe it in three minutes with an ordinary mop. Use the same mop for other work without first cleaning it.

● Buy a fluffy mohair sweater and wear it for a week. When removing a sweater at night, do not remove spools of wool from it.

● You, your husband and children should not take off their shoes when entering from the street. Do not clean the house for a week.

● Throw sheets and blankets on the floor, and then lay them on the bed. Do not change this bedding for a week.

2. Other ways to cope with a dangerous addiction to cleanliness are proposed to be carried out together with a therapist.

Patients are brought into contact several times with objects or situations that cause anxiety, obsessive fears or obsessive actions. At the same time, they are “allowed” to resist the desire to perform actions that, as it seems to these people, they are obliged to perform. Therapists often set an example for them. Under the supervision of patients, doctors interact with objects without intrusive actions and then encourage patients to do the same.

Sex is associated with dirt, you need to avoid it and be ashamed

To a greater extent, this syndrome is associated with female psychology, because women more often feel themselves the object of violence, use, less likely to express their desires and feelings in this area. She sharply dislikes other women in whom everything is safe in an intimate life, especially young women.

Diseases about which it is not customary to talk in everyday life. \u003e

Mental illness cleanliness

By the way

The psychologist does not always give advice. Usually correctly asked questions, the psychologist helps a person to understand exactly in his situation. The client must decide on his own, otherwise nothing will change. And each situation is unique. Therefore, questions and recommendations addressed to the author of the topic will help little to other people.

For this reason, to solve your problem you need to create your own separate topic.

Pathological mania for cleanliness

At first, when I worked and was not on maternity leave (we still lived in a civil marriage), this was not so felt, because he was sitting at home and was engaged in cleaning the apartment and cooking himself.

Now it works, and I'm on maternity leave. Nothing suits him, no matter what I do. He just comes home from work - he immediately sweeps the floor, without even having to take off his outer clothing. (Although I do wet cleaning almost every day and sweep it).

All pots and pans should only be in the drawer he says.

With a child, she is practically not involved. (for 2.5 years, 7 times went for a walk with him on the street). He keeps his toys in order all the time. I tried to explain to my husband 1000 times that the child should have his own territory, where he, at his own discretion, should put his toys, in a box that he will identify himself.

My husband cannot understand why, when a child eats, sometimes food falls on the table.

I forgot to say that my husband has constant depression. He was treated in the clinic of neurosis inpatiently 2 times.

In general, I don’t already know how to talk to him. No dialogue is obtained.

He just comes home from work - he immediately sweeps the floor, without even having to take off his outer clothing.

yeah it's really weird.

Mania of Purity Depresses

Obsession with cleanliness can lead to depression, scientists say. The researchers found that the reason for the disorder may be a person’s tendency to perfect cleanliness in the home and office, as a result of which the body’s interaction with beneficial bacteria is disrupted, the immune system is weakened, brain function is reduced, RBC reports.

Those women who seek to constantly restore order in the house are more susceptible to serious illnesses than others, says CPV. ru. Doctors found a direct correlation between the amount of dust in an apartment or house and exposure to especially severe forms of depression, which then develop into mental illness. Plus, cleanlings have malfunctions in the immune system.

Weakened immunity reacts too sharply to dust and dirt, causing allergies. This slows down the production of some important chemicals in the brain, including serotonin (the hormone of happiness), which contributes to the development of depression, Health explains. That is why it is recommended to clean the apartment no more than 1 time per week, and do a general cleaning - once every 3-4 months.

Interesting article. but what if your husband is afraid of germs, afraid of getting sick due to this dirt?

Good old Freud, as Medportal writes. ru, assured that pathological cleanliness is the result of sexual dissatisfaction. Modern psychoanalysts believe that dissatisfaction does not have to be sexual. In any case, there is reason to think about what is going wrong in life, and perhaps switch from cleaning the apartment to solving real, pressing problems.

Maybe you are right. That he can not, does not want. Either sorry for the expression: either the head hurts, or the ass.

He keeps his toys in order all the time.

Here. even I smiled at this phrase))) I want to ask - so how, it turns out to put things in order in toys?))) And if it’s serious then. has he not yet begun to be angry with the child and make him claim to be unclean?

In general, the situation is alarming. You need a professional psychoanalyst, you probably have to dig deep into childhood, this takes time, because he is already quite old and the problem is closed under many layers, which most likely will have to be opened one by one - and it can be painful. Here we need an experienced psychoanalyst. I can assume that it is. looks like a childhood phobia. Either a phobia of microbes (fear of infection, parents scared in childhood), or is it somehow connected with the fear of dirt. Sorry for the assumption, but perhaps his mother scolded the code, he crap one's pants, and therefore was always afraid to be “dirty” - I give this just as an example, so that you understand to what extent you may have to dig.

And of course, here we can do little, if only because it’s difficult to analyze another person from your words, all the more so deeply.

With a child, she is practically not involved.

Why. Fear of touching “dirt”? Could it be? Avoids everything that gets dirty? That is, the matter is not in the child, but in himself, in his phobia, which he was able to overcome in himself 7 times? (very similar to that)

Diseases about which it is not customary to talk in everyday life. \u003e

No dialogue is obtained.

He does not want to tell you about his childhood? When did he start, a pathological “ambition”? At what age. It is unlikely that he will remember the root cause (he is unlikely to remember what was in 3 years old), but at least it will be possible to immediately cut off most of the guesses. There is a difference, in 10 years he remembers himself that way, or it later appeared.

By the way, ask if there were any bullying from his peers at school? For what reason? And what was he like at school?

Did he have a brother or sister? (dead or alive?) Has anyone in his family died of “germs” (according to his parents) when he was little?

His parents in childhood could frightenly scare “my hands with soap, otherwise you will get infected and die.”

By the way, is your husband okay with sex? In this case, he does not disdain?

I doubt that here we can get to the bottom of the truth, but a little bit, perhaps, closer.

PS: here, I wrote my answer and looked at the other comments above. As for the link to Freud - I can agree that this can also be assumed as one of the options.

The thing I think is that he is a sailor. 15 years in foreign countries. All the time in confined space.

There are no siblings. Alone in the family. Parents from childhood inspired that he should have everything only the best.

At school I went in for sports. He even participated in the opening of the 1980 Olympics.

Married early. At 20 years old. He says his wife went to the left. At 28 divorced.

A daughter from her first marriage does not readily communicate with him, only when something is needed. He does not insist on communication. Basically, she goes to her grandmother (his mother). She was engaged in her education. The husband believes that she has anorexia and is trying to force her to be treated in the same clinic of neurosis. (although the girl is absolutely healthy. With a height of 1.60 weighs 58kg)

He is also trying to take our son to a psychologist and a neuropathologist.

The fact of the matter is that he is angry with the child.

Well yes. this is exactly what I expected, that means the matter is all the same in him and his phobias.

There is a positive point in this - that he agreed to go to a psychologist, that’s already good, that means he realizes that there is a problem, that means he’s ready to solve it somehow is already a plus.

Parents from childhood inspired that he should have everything only the best.

At what age does he remember himself SO? When did he become afraid of “upsetting his parents”? And what came with it?

Your husband’s world looks black and white, she has a clear distinction between what is right and wrong, and something is NOT allowed between. That is, he should have problems with tolerance for people, he tolerates only those who fit into his ideals of correctness. In general, it all reminds me of the Forrest Gump movie - did you watch it?

Have you ever gone out for a picnic together? Tinker in the sandbox with a child. Try not to be afraid of dirt, change the diaper - he did not try?

Digging deep is good. Did they unearth something from a psychologist?

He understands that children are dirty, scatter toys, light chaos can happen in the house, and that is NORMAL? Can he take this into his category of normality? Or is it difficult for him to do?

You correctly noted: problems with tolerance.

He is more likely an atolerant person, so to speak.

1. Believes that the events taking place do not depend on him, therefore, he relieves himself of responsibility for what is happening around. Unreasonably suspects that he is being harmed.

2. Apathetic perceives humor.

3. Prefers hard power.

4. Notices in itself advantages, and at others shortcomings concerning which takes an accusatory position.

In the summer we go to the country. He almost always sits in the house - watching TV. To a request to make a child a sandbox, he replies: “The lawns will deteriorate”

The psychologist did not dig up anything, because the husband describes his life as in a learned scenario. He is asked to “deviate” in the direction of some event, says: “I don’t remember”

And the last thing you say NORMALLY - CAN'T accept.

In general, a vicious circle.

To be honest, I’m very afraid if my husband takes up raising a child.

I also remembered that my mother-in-law in the country almost every minute. (I’m not exaggerating) came up to the child and said: "Let's wash the pens." Or, when he tried to do something on his own: "Let me help you." And she did everything herself.

Here we need an experienced psychoanalyst. I can assume that it is. looks like a childhood phobia. Either a phobia of microbes (fear of infection, parents scared in childhood), or is it somehow connected with the fear of dirt. Sorry for the assumption, but perhaps his mother scolded the code, he crap one's pants, and therefore was always afraid to be “dirty” - I give this just as an example, so that you understand to what extent you may have to dig.

I read the psychologist Vasyutin Alexander in a book “Cancer as a Psychosomatosis”, it said that if a child was frightened by a dog in his childhood, he would be afraid even of small dogs until old age, if he didn’t return mentally when this negative program for protecting dogs was in the subconscious mind is embedded and erase it, as it were, then you can change the behavior, get rid of psychic injuries, fears and even recover from cancer and all sorts of psychosomatic diseases. this method is called a “time machine”

i got the idea that maybe in childhood he was too guarded, patronized, so he seemed to think maybe he was weak, and the world around him was dangerous, full of dirt, and he, like a greenhouse plant, could easily become infected.

What obsessive-compulsive disorder leads to

Every day a lot of dust and dirt is collected in the house. This is of little concern to many, and they clean literally once a week. They sleep peacefully, and they can leave the house, leaving the dishes in the sink. But there are also such instances, which a crookedly hung towel terrifies, not to mention moved cups or a small speck on the table. Most often, this behavior is not associated with a mental disorder. But sometimes pathological cleanliness can mean a real health problem, or even cause it.

What can a craving for cleanliness mean?

If the stain causes an obsessive desire to wipe it right away, and the cleaning process takes all day not because the house is dirty, but because you want to clean it, then these are most likely signs of OCD - an obsessive-compulsive disorder. In this case, a person suffers from compulsions - obsessive drives that arise contrary to reason, will and feelings. Obsessive rituals of the patient are manifested in the repetition of certain meaningless actions (for example, washing your hands 20 times a day, or constantly wiping the same place on the table, because there was a stain there before). These actions are associated with obsessive thoughts that arise against the will and prompt a person to actions. For example, those who wash their hands try to avoid infection.

The manifestation of OCD also includes obsessions of pollution - misophobia. Fear of pollution haunts such people constantly, they are afraid that harmful and toxic substances will penetrate into their bodies and they will die (hermaphobia). Often the fear of pollution is only limited, manifesting itself only in some small compulsions, such as frequent linen changes or daily floor cleaning. This kind of behavior is assessed by others only as habits, and they are not destructive in human life.

In especially severe cases, OCD can provoke the development of other phobias, such as a fear of crowding in public places, a fear of heights, water and other fears.

Types of cleaners

Chistyuli are different. From OCD sufferers, who, like the hero of Nicolas Cage in The Magnificent Scam, are not allowed to walk on the carpet in shoes and scuffle the apartment until they get insane, asking the psychiatrist for pills that reduce their craving for cleanliness, to those who ignore the mess in the house all week but on weekends or once a month he takes on a rag and washes everything to a shine.

Unlike pathological Cinderella, such characters love purity extremely selectively. Such a person will not fall asleep if he knows that things are lying in the room, and the floor is already covered with spots, but at the same time it can clutter up the pantry or closet. For example, they will tear out the floor in the entire apartment, but will quietly eat in bed. Such people have their own “indicators of cleanliness” - a clean stove or bathtub, order on the table or dishes displayed in a certain way.

But there are those who simply ignore the mess. It makes no difference to them - a clean floor, a dirty floor, a white bathroom or covered with mold, white dishes, black dishes ... Life is so good that it would worry about such trifles. Pathological Cinderella throw lightning and call them sluts, and psychologists call them simply indifferent.

Does cleanliness contribute to disease?

Excessive cravings for cleanliness not only can be a sign of mental disorder, but also contribute to the development of other diseases. According to scientists from Cambridge, Alzheimer's disease (a form of dementia) can develop because of it. Dr. Molly Fox and her colleagues believe that the disappearance of germs from human life leads to disruption of the immune system, which in turn leads to the development of autoimmune diseases. The inflammatory processes of Alzheimer's disease are similar to an autoimmune disease, so Fox suggests that the conditions for the occurrence of these diseases are the same. In particular, according to the results of their study, in developed countries, where the risk of contracting infections is much lower, Alzheimer's patients are 10% more than in underdeveloped countries.

Other experts came to the conclusion that changes in our microflora (that is, the result of a decrease in contact with microbes in this case) affect the development of depression, and also increase the risk of developing inflammatory diseases and cancer.

Bronchial asthma is also often manifested due to the use of various detergents during the cleaning process. Therefore, it is women who are more likely to suffer from this disease (and more often die from it) than men.

Cleaning as therapy

There is nothing wrong with a healthy pursuit of order and cleanliness. Cleaning can cheer you up and improve your psychological state. Firstly, cleaning (as well as cooking for some) helps to throw out negative emotions. Bad day? They came, cleaned the apartment, and you feel better. Moving furniture, a person structures thoughts on a visual level, thereby stimulating thinking. Changing something in the house, you feel like the master of your life and control the situation. And this is a very important feeling for every person.

Mania of cleanliness and order - a problem?

According to psychologists, an excessive commitment to cleanliness is a consequence of lack of integrity and self-doubt. By ordering the inner world of his home, he defends himself from the outer world, in which he feels uncomfortable. But, trying to maintain the perfect order in the house, people often lose contact with their relatives, as it annoys many. Yes, and the neat are going crazy because others do not care whether things are scattered around the house or not. To find the root of the problem, you need to work with a psychologist.

In another case, try to understand those Cinderellas for whom order is of great importance. Just help them clean and keep the house clean, thus strengthening your relationship.

Disease of purity title

You must have met people obsessed with a manic passion for order. If things are not in their places, in the sink - a dirty plate, and on the floor - a speck of dust or a speck, they panic and immediately try to fix it ... Is it good or bad? And why do they act like that? Interestingly, what do psychologists and various other specialists say on this subject?

Norm or pathology?

At first glance, the love of cleanliness and order is very laudable. It is usually nice to look at the home of such a person. But the more you observe this individual, the more you will be surprised at his behavior.

For example, such people do wet cleaning every day. They do not forget to wipe the dust from the furniture, even if it is not. It is very important for them to arrange the knick-knacks on the dresser in the “correct” order, they will surely fix the crooked tablecloth or bedspread on the bed ... And they wash their hands a hundred times a day, without fail with antibacterial soap, change towels daily and carefully align them on a hanger after each use, rub the dishes and plumbing to a shine ...

Their loved ones suffer from such "cleanliness", since the latter constantly hear nit-picking, accusations of sloppiness: either they didn’t clean their shoes, then cups or glasses were divorced, they didn’t notice a small speck on the floor ... They can make a tantrum for the slightest reason, which is often leads to scandals in the family. If a person lives alone, he may not let other people into the apartment, even relatives, so that, God forbid, they will not stain floors or furniture ...

Causes of Mania

If you realize that someone (or yourself) is literally fixated on cleaning, try to find the reason for this. There may be several.

Fear

For some people, ripophobia is a fear of dirt. Dirt seems to them literally everywhere, even where it is not in sight. Therefore, they endlessly wash their hands and all items that can be washed.

Another type of mania is the pursuit of an ideal order. Those suffering from it can correct a hundred times, for example, crooked, in their opinion, clothes hanging on a chair. Items in a room, closet or elsewhere must be arranged in a strictly defined order, and nothing else ...

This is a neurosis, a pathologically obsessive condition that must be treated. Such a patient must undergo a course of psychotherapy.

Chronic stress

It doesn’t matter for what reason the stress occurred: a person has troubles in his personal life, at work, he lost someone close ... If a person had not been seen in anything like this before, and now he always has a broom, then a vacuum cleaner in his hands, then a mop, it can be a “stressful” cleaning.

The housework helps to distract from gloomy thoughts and at least temporarily “drive” them out of your head. However, with prolonged stress, this can only serve as a temporary measure. If you find yourself cleaning up even when it’s not at all necessary, then it might be better to go to a psychologist rather than translate cleaning and washing products ...

Diffidence

Putting order in the house, arranging and arranging things on shelves and drawers gives a person the illusion of control over his life. This usually happens when we realize that we are not able to control the world around us, the one outside the walls of our apartment. Such a person at work and in his personal life can be very complicated ... But in his small world he is a sovereign master.

If putting in order takes too much time and actually replaces a full-fledged life, this is certainly an occasion to contact a psychologist and try to figure out your problem.

How to deal with obsessed with such a mania?

Try to convey to the person that everyone has their own understanding of the order. Someone may be comfortable in sterile conditions, while others prefer a "creative mess" or even a mess ... Someone, for example, likes when books and papers are on shelves in a closet, and for someone - when they are piled on a table or on a windowsill.

If you live with such a "maniac" in the same room, forbid him to touch your things, conduct audits in cabinets and throw out "unnecessary trash". Let them restore order only on their territory.

If you see that the matter has gone too far, try to persuade him to consult a specialist.

What does excessive cleanliness mean?

At first, tidy people arouse admiration and envy from friends, and spouses cannot be glad that they got such economic halves. There is not even a hint of dust and dirt in the house, the dishes look like they are not being used, and the clothes are in the closet so neatly as if they are not being used. The appearance of such people is always at their best, the clothes are clean and ironed, and the hairstyle is in perfect order.

Unfortunately, such exemplary cleanliness over time can acquire manic traits when the cleanlore begins to perceive the family solely as a source of disorder, and also confuses friends and acquaintances who are tired of listening to notations about their sloppiness.

From the story of Elena, a thirty-year-old young mother: “We are very lucky that the owners of our rented apartment live in another city and come with audits only twice a year. More frequent visits, I certainly could not stand it! My husband rented an apartment alone, because I was in the last month of pregnancy and could hardly walk, so I met them when the child was already six months old. My husband described them as a positive couple of our age, so I was sure that they would not quibble much. Nevertheless, we were building the apartment for about a week. When they arrived, we had a nice chat at first, but then the hostess visited the restroom, and upon returning, she immediately started yelling at me that my husband and I were pigs, and personally I am a bad housewife and a bad mother, since my child lives in such unsanitary conditions. The child, by the way, was nearby. This surge of emotions was associated with ... hair in the sink. I repent, I did not keep track. Before leaving for work, my husband combed himself in front of a mirror; it just hangs above the sink. Naturally, I did not begin to be rude to her, because a week before the New Year I wanted to decorate an already bought Christmas tree, and not to move. However, the mistake did not run to correct, although the hostess clearly insisted on this. When I already had almost steam from my ears, her embarrassed husband, who had been hiding in the corner all this time, almost forcibly brought out the raging wife, mumbled something about the fact that they were just from the plane and very tired. Already at the entrance, she called my husband (he was at work) and scolded him as well. This ten-minute acquaintance knocked me out of the rut for the whole day, since then my husband takes time off and communicates with them myself, and I am leaving. ”

This is just one of many stories related to manic clean people. Unfortunately, not all of them can simply not be met. It is especially difficult for husbands and wives to live in a “museum”, arranged by lovers of an ideal order right in the apartment. Chistuli are usually squeamish about children, but sometimes they start them for reasons that a family cannot be considered ideal without a couple of heirs. Kids grow up completely unsuitable for household chores, because their neat parent lacks patience to wait until they learn how to do everything right. He will definitely complete or remake everything, and sooner or later the children will realize that there is no point in trying, if it doesn’t work out anyway.

What is the reason for this behavior?

The main reason for excessive cleanliness is misophobia (fear of dirt). People suffering from this nervous disorder wash their hands twenty times a day, take showers too often, are afraid of crowded places where “you can catch some kind of infection”, don’t take money in their hands, avoid handshakes, kisses and sex, and also suffer from all types of allergies and skin irritations, because constant contact with cleaning products and water does not pass without a trace. Ironically, such people get sick much more often than others, because an organism spoiled by “greenhouse conditions” reacts too sharply to germs and dirt.

Misophobia is only one of the symptoms of an obsessive condition syndrome that occurs with neurosis. It can manifest itself in a different way. For example, when a person shows selective cleanliness, he often mopped the floors and cleaned the plumbing to a shine, but at the same time he eats in bed and scatters clothes on his clean floor.

Some hypertrophied neat people are not afraid of terrible diseases, they just try to assert themselves due to the perfect order in their home. Most often, this form of the syndrome of obsessive states affects women who do not have a personal life, as well as men with unfulfilled career ambitions. And even if at such a cleanroom, the husband constantly goes on a whirlpool and throws her alone with a small child for several days, completely disregarding her opinion, but she has clean dishes and a freshly washed bedspread on the sofa. And a man who is not very much appreciated at work will be happy to return home, because everything is sorted out in his shelves there and his homework is “on track” like in a barracks. It seems to such people that if they follow some rituals invented by them, everything in their life will go if not better, then at least not worse. Naturally, if someone from home will prevent them from following these rituals, scandal cannot be avoided.

In recent years, another reason for manic cleanliness has appeared - the widely publicized image of the ideal hostess. In advertisements, films and entertainment shows, beautiful well-groomed people are shown, ideal houses and apartments filled with comfort and a sense of style. On the Internet and magazines you can see many articles with vivid photographs that teach you how to make your own decor and cook dishes that have amazing looks and tastes. Naturally, in practice it turns out that to do something like this is much more difficult than it seems.

Most people understand that all these beautiful things and dishes were created by professionals and professionally captured, that all these interiors are beautiful, but it’s very difficult to live in them, because white carpets, an abundance of textiles and decor are not compatible with a dirty metropolis, young children and animals. Nevertheless, some women develop a complex about their housekeeping. From this point forward, their goal in life will be the pursuit of an unattainable ideal. Why strive for it is another question. Such a desire can be another manifestation of a neurosis, or an aggravated complex, at one time imposed on a woman by her parents or a picky husband.

Better to be a slut?

It turns out that if almost all cleanlings suffer from nervous disorders, then sluts are happy people without any problems? This is actually not the case. The unwillingness to maintain cleanliness in one's home speaks of the infantility of a person and the unwillingness to bear responsibility for one's life. This is especially true for those sluts who perfectly see what mess they have spread around them, but do not make any efforts to change something. They limit themselves to complaining to everyone around the mountains of dusty trash, asking for advice on how to quickly remove it, and then they find a cleanroom ready to voluntarily tear everything. Moreover, they never make life easier by clinging to every trinket.

Another type of sluts are those who really don't pay attention to dust and that slippers stick to the floor. They wash dishes only when they finish clean, wash clothes according to the same principle, clean them only on major holidays, or when there is a mood to perform some feat. Some of them did not receive proper upbringing in childhood, it is practically impossible to re-educate them, while for others sloppiness may indicate prolonged depression, a desire to challenge the public or hide from this public under a layer of dirt. Often people stop monitoring cleanliness because they no longer consider their home their own. For example, when they are ready to move away from their parents, rent a house or move to their beloved without the certainty that this was the right decision.

Selective dishonesty allows you to identify areas to which a person relates to hostility. A sloppy workplace signals that a person is not doing his job, a dirty kitchen speaks of dissatisfaction with his weight, and an unmade bed, constantly littered with extraneous things, eloquently hints at problems in sexual life.

The main thing is to know the measure

Cleanliness and order in the house is an indicator of a mature attitude to life. An unscheduled cleaning is a great way to relieve stress or restore order in your thoughts, thinking about some problem, but a clean house should also be cozy, so if guests forgot the way to the house, they clean, and the household tries to spend as little time there as possible reconsider your views on cleanliness.

Mania of the order: 3 possible psychological causes

The pursuit of order and cleanliness is not a bad trait, is it? We usually perceive neat people as good organizers and no less effective performers. What psychological triggers are hidden behind the need to blow off dust particles and lay everything on the shelves?

We are talking about neatnesses - people who enjoy undisguised pleasure, cleanliness, and harass those who do not share their love for shiny surfaces. And yet, taken to extremes, this passion becomes the main symptom of obsessive neurosis, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). So why do some of us really need order so much?

Perfectionist complex

“Perfectionism and the thirst for order go hand in hand 1,” say psychologists Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson. Perfectionists perceive cleanliness as one of the challenges of life. Since 100% purity can be achieved only in the sterilizer, they are ready to storm this target again and again. Moreover, the result (albeit temporary) is immediately noticeable.

Severe Anxiety, or Clatterophobia

Among neat people there are a lot of anxious people. By putting things in order, they feel that they are regaining control of their lives and emotions. Fear of disorder, or clutterophobia, may have genetic reasons, since cleanliness once posed a serious advantage for survival in an environment where antibiotics had not yet been invented, says the director of the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Center in Los Angeles, psychotherapist Tom Corboy. The problem is that today this anxiety can occur on the most insignificant occasions.

“An unbridled passion for order and a thirst for control are inherent in people who have grown up in an unstable environment,” says biologist and author of books on the psychology of risk, Glen Kroston. For example, one of the parents was constantly absent or abused alcohol, the family experienced serious financial problems, the house was constantly dirty and not cleaned. The child could try to win at least some island of order, and the washed sink in the kitchen in this case became the bulwark of illusory stability.

The desire to be good

It is no coincidence that the rituals of purification occupy such a large place in all world religions. Adherence to religious and social norms, conscientiousness, decency are characteristic of cleanliness. “Neat people, as a rule, see themselves as conscious and responsible. They think before they act. This is how we imagine ideal air traffic controllers, ”explains Sam Gosling, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin, and the author of the bestselling book“ The Curious Look: What Your Things Tell About ”2. However, his research found that with all external decency, neatnesses are not more empathetic or kind than those who scatter things.

David Friedman, author of The Perfect Mess, 3 is convinced that by wishing to be right and blocking all unwanted impulses with the same care that they clean up, neatly people trap themselves.

Firstly, too “perfect” environment leaves no room for creativity. “You ruled out everything wrong - you are never late, you rarely spill or break something, but luck also rarely accompanies you,” he writes. A cluttered table, untidy kitchen is a trademark of famous scientists and talented chefs. It is in chaos, in the fullness of their emotions, “bad” and “good”, that they are free to fully explore and create.

Secondly, the pedants take as much time, if not more, to maintain order, as the "sluts" spend on finding keys and other necessary things. “I meet hundreds of people who tell me about their obsession with order. And they all admit that it causes them discomfort. Accurate people simply cannot live differently: they are prisoners of their habits, ”he summarizes.

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Mania of Cleanliness and Order: Signs of Ripophobia

The pathological desire for purity is a type of phobia. This is the opinion of psychologists.

Of course, cleanliness and order in the house is a sign that he is a good housewife. But only to the point where purity and the fight against dust and germs have not become the meaning of life. After all, each of us has friends who daily do wet cleaning with furniture, and every Saturday they general, and every thing has its own place.

This is probably the real order. And of course, for such people the apartment looks beautiful! Nice, but not comfortable. More often it looks like a museum. A museum is good to just visit, but not live in it. It is completely inconvenient when you can not sit on the sofa, because it is covered with film, so as not to get dirty. In such conditions, living is boring and uninteresting. Nobody calls for living in a mess. This is also not entirely comfortable and pleasant. Just everything should be a measure.

It should be noted that the attitude towards cleanliness and order has been formed since childhood. Like many other things, it is vaccinated by parents and depends on the lifestyle of the family. For example, if a person was taught from childhood to wash his shoes after coming home, then he will do this all his life and teach his children that. But attention! Provided that this habit will not be trained by parents, but will be instilled.

And when the desire for cleanliness in the family is a cult, then children, becoming adults, have two extremes: sloppy, because they escaped from a family where cleanliness was required at all costs, and you can no longer do this, and the pathology of cleanliness! And do not dispute that the desire for cleanliness is a positive quality. But the desire to be careful should not be intrusive.

The fear of contamination is called ripophobia. And this is a serious mental disorder. Its symptoms are as follows:

A person is constantly preoccupied with restoring order.

It constantly seems to him that everything around is not entirely clean.

He is afraid of contracting something due to dirty hands or dishes.

He feels bad that the dust has not been wiped away for several hours.

He is haunted everywhere by dirt and unsanitary conditions.

But with all of the above, it should be noted that all the same psychologists say that in order to put things in order in one’s own life, one must start by putting things in order in one’s own apartment. And if the purity of thoughts and apartments will help make our life better, we will support it, this purity, but not bring it to the point of absurdity and make it the meaning of life!

Getting rid of mania of purity

Everyone at least once met a man who is obsessed with a mania of order. Such people spend all their time cleaning. The room, in their opinion, should sparkle with cleanliness. Mom instilled a love of cleaning for us from childhood. It is a quality that is always encouraged. However, a detailed observation of the behavior of a person obsessed with purity can be seen as absurdity and his actions and irritability.

Sometimes adherence to order develops into mania

Causes of the disorder

The development of the disease can be caused both by the peculiarities of upbringing, and be formed independently at a conscious age. The reasons are as follows:

Chronic stress Often the craving for cleanliness appears as a result of severe stress at work, in personal life. It is scientifically proven that physical labor helps to distract from anxious thoughts. If you notice that the desire to clean up appears every time after stressful situations, you should contact a specialist.
Diffidence. Keeping your living room clean helps you feel like you are the master of your life. A manic desire to clean arises when a person is not able to control the events around him. Order gives the illusion of control and significance.
Perfectionism - the name of mental deviation, in which the achievement of the ideal is the main goal of life. Perfectionists diligently lay out everything on the shelves, with special trepidation, wash the floors, wipe the dust. If someone destroys their efforts, then they will certainly face a barrage of negative emotions and aggression of the perfectionist.
The desire to be good. This reason comes from childhood: when parents wanted to see in us the most intelligent, talented, child. This was the starting point for the development of a good baby syndrome. With the syndrome, a person tries to do everything in the best way and get a reward for this.

Symptomatic picture

To proceed with direct treatment, you need to make sure there is a problem. The disease is manifested in the following:

it seems to a person that the room around him is dirty and requires urgent cleaning;
thoughts are concentrated only on putting things in order;
people exposed to this disease have a fear of contracting a disease by contact with dirty objects.

Such a mania gradually develops into a fear of dirt called ripophobia.

Communication with ripophobe

Many families suffer because they don’t know how to communicate with the patient or how to convey their thoughts to him. Explain to the person that everyone has their own understanding of cleanliness, order. There is the concept of creative disorder - it is scientifically proven that a light mess promotes clarity of mind, an influx of inspiration and fresh ideas.

If you have to live with a ripophobe in the same apartment, make a clear distinction between yours and his things.

Forbid to clean, throw out what does not belong to him. If conversations, beliefs do not help, it is worth taking the patient to an appointment with a specialist.

Possible dangers

It is generally accepted that cleanliness is the key to health. In pursuit of unsurpassed purity, the human immune system suffers. She suffers under the influence of disinfectants that are used during cleaning. A manic desire to get rid of harmful bacteria leads to the destruction of beneficial ones that positively affect the human body.

In violation of the bacterial balance, disorders of the gastrointestinal tract, acne on the skin, hormonal imbalance are observed.

Little children are at greater risk. Being in sterile conditions, their body loses its ability to resist disease. The absence of viruses and bacteria is just as fatal to humans as their excess.

Perfect cleanliness is a danger to the body

Correction

Mania of cleanliness and order is a purely psychological problem that requires treatment. This will help aromatherapy and work with a psychologist.

Psychological help

Since a mania of purity is formed under the influence of psychological factors, treatment should be appropriate. Seek help from a therapist who will determine the exact cause of the problem and help you deal with it. There are several effective ways.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is to correct the patient’s consciousness. The goal of this therapy is to change the way of thinking, established habits, lifestyle.
Hypnosis. The method of hypnosis is based on immersing a person in a deep hypnotic sleep, during which a therapeutic effect is carried out by suggestion.

Both methods have shown their effectiveness in practice and are popular in the treatment of such deviations.

Aromatherapy

Mania of order arises as a result of emotional overstrain, arousal. To relax, you need to regularly conduct therapy with aromatic oils, for this you need to pour a couple of drops into a special candle, thanks to which the apartment will be filled with wonderful aromas. The composition of aromatic oils should contain:

Lavender. Helps normalize the central nervous system, promotes healthy, healthy sleep.
Orange. Cleanses the mind, improves mood, restores the strength of the body.
Bergamot. Promotes the production of dopamine (the hormone of happiness), reduces the symptoms of anxiety, nervous strain.
Mint. Stabilizes, restores psychological health, eliminates overexcitation, depression.
Marjoram. Normalizes sleep, relieves stress, anxiety.
The Rose. It stabilizes the hormonal background, relaxes, relieves irritability, fatigue.

If you notice a manic desire to constantly clean the room, strive to ensure that the apartment is perfectly clean, try to let go of the situation, it will not lead to anything good. You need to be more comfortable with cleaning. This does not mean that your home should be dirty. Just every action should be carried out in moderation.

Obsessive state syndrome is a person-uncontrolled process of constantly recalling the traumatic events of the past, thoughts or actions. Characteristic for self-doubt people. Often occurring changes that disrupt the patient’s usual activities are accompanied by painful experiences.

Obsessive Syndrome is characteristic of insecure people

There are two types of obsessive condition syndrome:

Distracted obsession, which includes:

Obsessive Account - the person considers everything that he sees: steps, windows, buttons on the shirt of a person standing next to him. Different arithmetic operations with numbers can also be performed - addition, multiplication.
Obsessive thoughts (neurotic obsessions) - appear as thoughts of a negative nature that offend the moral essence of a person, from which it is impossible to get rid of. They cause a constant feeling of anxiety and can develop even in a phobia.
Obsessive memories - events from the past of a negative nature that arise involuntarily in the form of vivid pictures.
Obsessive actions - automatic, uncontrolled movements that occur involuntarily. The patient does not notice these actions, but is able to stop the effort of the will. However, if he is distracted, they will resume.

Imaginative obsession, which includes emotional experiences, such as anxiety, emotional stress, fear.

Obsessiveness. Their clinical manifestations

The most common symptom of an obsessional neurosis is obsessions - obsessive thoughts of a negative nature. The patient is aware of his condition and is trying to cope with the disease, but this cannot be done on his own.

May occur compulsionsthat may be hidden actions or thoughts.

With a mild neurosis of the patient’s quirks, outsiders can relate to the characteristics of a person’s character, in severe conditions, this disorder means disability.

Weakly expressed neurosis is sometimes mistaken for a person’s character

There are several ways the course of the disease:

Symptoms persist for several months or even years.
With lull and flashes provoked by stressful situations
Constant and steady progression of the disease

Characteristics of a person with a neurosis of obsessive states

Obsessive neurosis occurs after 10 years and is most characteristic during the puberty period. An assistant in the development of the NNS is such personality traits as: anxious-suspicious - indecision, anxiety, constant exposure to doubts, strong self-doubt, conservatism; anancastic - excessive caution and suspicion, rigidity, perfectionism, fixation on negative thoughts, the desire to do everything right. As neurosis progresses, personality disorders also develop.

Fears with obsessions are called phobias (a phobia is an insurmountable strong fear that arises even if the patient is aware of its groundlessness and meaninglessness). Therefore, the NNS are divided into two groups:

Phobic neurosis- obsessive fears.
Obsessive Action Neurosis - Intrusive movements and actions.

How to get rid of obsession

It is advisable to combine several approaches for quick and effective treatment of the patient.

Obsession Syndrome should not be left untreated

To get rid of the neurosis of obsessive states are used:

Drug therapy - the use of antidepressants, tranquilizers, psychotropic drugs. In severe cases of the disease, the patient may stay in a psychiatric hospital.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy - confronting a patient with his phobia face-to-face in order to demonstrate how unfounded his fears are.
“Stopping Thought” - used to treat obsessions and phobias.
Hypnosis.
Individual psychotherapy.
Autogenic training.
Game therapy.
Art therapy.

Purity obsession

Cleaning, which does not give pleasure and causes inconvenience to everyone, is the most common phenomenon of neurosis of cleanliness.

Neurosis of purity arises due to the impossibility of resolving some kind of conflict situation or constantly disturbing feelings. Obsession is distinguished from the usual desire to tidy up the apartment by the fact that with such behavior a person begins to cause inconvenience to himself and others. The patient does not receive pleasure and household benefits from cleaning, as often clean and cleaned things are put in order.

Purity neurosis can manifest itself as:

Washing of already clean objects, shifting things from order to place, constantly washing hands, lengthy bathing procedures, etc.
Cleaning at an inappropriate time for this (a few minutes before the arrival of the guests, during a quarrel).
Excessively long cleaning with inability to stop.
The desire to put everything in its place and intolerance to the movement of things from their usual positions.

At the same time, from all these actions a person does not receive pleasure.

Purity neurosis is associated with a constantly disturbing feeling.

Purity neurosis can occur due to:

Hypertrophied desire to be perfect
Desires to forget some unpleasant events of the past
Aggression caused by the inability to express one’s emotions or opinion on any or someone’s account
The desire not to think about very exciting events
The desire to tidy your inner world
Desires to compensate for sexual deficiencies - imaginary or real - due to their abilities in the household

In men, the obsession of cleanliness manifests itself somewhat differently from women: they begin to demand constant and unattainable cleanliness from their wives in the house. Neurosis can be caused by any unexperienced negative emotion.

People with: neurosis of purity are predisposed to:

Low self esteem
Strong dependence on the opinions of others
Self-doubt and judgment
Certain stereotypes prevailing in childhood
Constant exposure to stress
Excessive demands on oneself and others
Aptitude for collecting

An uncontrolled desire for cleanliness is observed in patients not only in their own homes, but also when they visit other people's apartments. As a result, when going on a visit, this person either requires urgent cleaning by the owners of the house, experiencing serious discomfort due to the mismatch of the home with its standards, or suffers, which leads to another unplanned house cleaning and excessive washing of the hands.
Symptoms of neurosis of purity are directly proportional to the severity of a person’s inner experiences.

However, it is worth remembering that keeping the apartment clean and tidy, arranging things in their places and organizing them is not necessarily a symptom of a neurosis, if all these actions give a person pleasure and do not take up most of his time.

Cleaning with the obsession of cleanliness still does not bring psychological satisfaction

Obsessive thoughts with VSD

VVD (vegetative-vascular dystonia) - a violation of the functioning of the human vegetative system. With this disease, the following types of neurosis can occur:

Neurasthenia - increased irritability of the body in combination with general weakness and loss of strength, increased fatigue and, as a result, physical and mental exhaustion. It is accompanied by depression, dizziness and severe headache, which interferes with mental and physical work.
Hysterical neurosis - a strong surge of emotions arising as a result of severe stress and accompanied by a seizure, partial loss of sensitivity, translating into paralysis, loss of consciousness.
Phobic neurosis - a constant feeling of fear and anxiety, accompanied by a violation in the work of the autonomic system, and having as a consequence social isolation. Also, as a result, panic attacks and phobias can occur.
Hypochondria neurosis - excessive preoccupation with their own health and, as a result, a constant feeling of anxiety and fear of getting sick. Such patients react sharply to any discomfort felt physically and immediately consult a doctor. They can think of symptoms for themselves and in most cases do not agree to take medication.
Obsessive Neurosis - involuntarily arising thoughts and fears from which it is impossible to get rid of.
Depressive neurosis - chronic fatigue, depression, loss of interest in life, in some cases accompanied by thoughts of suicide. Occurs due to unresolved traumatic situations.

Mental illness cleanliness

By the way

Pathological mania for cleanliness

Good afternoon. My husband has a mania for cleanliness. I have been married 3 years. I am 32 years old, my husband is 42. The child is 2.5 years old. My husband loves cleanliness to madness. It would seem: what's wrong with that? But this passion brings us to scandal every day. I will not say that I am a slut. All the time I clean up after myself. (It seems to me perfect)
At first, when I worked and was not on maternity leave (we still lived in a civil marriage), this was not so felt, because he was sitting at home and was engaged in cleaning the apartment and cooking himself.
Now it works, and I'm on maternity leave. Nothing suits him, no matter what I do. He just comes home from work - he immediately sweeps the floor, without even having to take off his outer clothing. (Although I do wet cleaning almost every day and sweep it).
All pots and pans should only be in the drawer he says.
With a child, she is practically not involved. (for 2.5 years, 7 times went for a walk with him on the street). He keeps his toys in order all the time. I tried to explain to my husband 1000 times that the child should have his own territory, where he, at his own discretion, should put his toys, in a box that he will identify himself.
My husband cannot understand why, when a child eats, sometimes food falls on the table.
I forgot to say that my husband has constant depression. He was treated in the clinic of neurosis inpatiently 2 times.
In general, I don’t already know how to talk to him. No dialogue is obtained.

Most likely the reason for this mania is really some kind of neurosis of obsessive states. it resembles an addiction when a person in one sphere tries to get pleasure that he cannot get in others. you can only help him overcome depression, support him, but in fact the main result depends only on him.
He just comes home from work - he immediately sweeps the floor, without even having to take off his outer clothing.

yeah it's really weird.

Mania of Purity Depresses
Obsession with cleanliness can lead to depression, scientists say. The researchers found that the reason for the disorder may be a person’s tendency to perfect cleanliness in the home and office, as a result of which the body’s interaction with beneficial bacteria is disrupted, the immune system is weakened, brain function is reduced, RBC reports.
Those women who seek to constantly restore order in the house are more susceptible to serious illnesses than others, says CPV. ru. Doctors found a direct correlation between the amount of dust in an apartment or house and exposure to especially severe forms of depression, which then develop into mental illness. Plus, cleanlings have malfunctions in the immune system.
Weakened immunity reacts too sharply to dust and dirt, causing allergies. This slows down the production of some important chemicals in the brain, including serotonin (the hormone of happiness), which contributes to the development of depression, Health explains. That is why it is recommended to clean the apartment no more than 1 time per week, and do a general cleaning - once every 3-4 months.

Interesting article. but what if your husband is afraid of germs, afraid of getting sick due to this dirt?

Maybe you are right. That he can not, does not want. Either sorry for the expression: either the head hurts, or the ass.

He keeps his toys in order all the time.
Here. even I smiled at this phrase))) I want to ask - so how, it turns out to put things in order in toys?))) And if it’s serious then. has he not yet begun to be angry with the child and make him claim to be unclean?

In general, the situation is alarming. You need a professional psychoanalyst, you probably have to dig deep into childhood, this takes time, because he is already quite old and the problem is closed under many layers, which most likely will have to be opened one by one - and it can be painful. Here we need an experienced psychoanalyst. I can assume that it is. looks like a childhood phobia. Either a phobia of microbes (fear of infection, parents scared in childhood), or is it somehow connected with the fear of dirt. Sorry for the assumption, but perhaps his mother scolded the code, he crap one's pants, and therefore I was always afraid to be “dirty” - I give this just as an example, so that you understand to what extent you may have to dig.

And of course, here we can do little, if only because it’s difficult to analyze another person from your words, all the more so deeply.

By the way. here's another:
With a child, she is practically not involved.
Why. Fear of touching “dirt”? Maybe this? Avoids everything that gets dirty? That is, the matter is not in the child, but in himself, in his phobia, which he was able to overcome in himself 7 times? (very similar to that)

No dialogue is obtained.
He does not want to tell you about his childhood? When did he start, a pathological “ambition”? At what age. It is unlikely that he will remember the root cause (he is unlikely to remember what was in 3 years old), but at least it will be possible to immediately cut off most of the guesses. There is a difference, in 10 years he remembers himself that way, or it later appeared.

By the way, ask if there were any bullying from his peers at school? For what reason? And what was he like at school?

Did he have a brother or sister? (dead or alive?) Has anyone in his family died of “germs” (according to his parents) when he was little?

His parents in childhood could frightenly scare “my hands with soap, otherwise you will get infected and die.”

By the way, is your husband okay with sex? In this case, he does not disdain?

I doubt that here we can get to the bottom of the truth, but a little bit, perhaps, closer.

PS: here, I wrote my answer and looked at the other comments above. As for the link to Freud - I can agree that this can also be assumed as one of the options.

Tired of already fighting for such a family. The fact of the matter is that he is angry with the child. By 4 times we went to the psychologist 5 thousand. There is a session. (I understand, of course, that this is not enough). There was no progress. (Digging deep and far)))). I myself was present at the same time. The husband asked). He himself refused. He says that it is better to eat a phenozepam pill and it will be better.
The thing I think is that he is a sailor. 15 years in foreign countries. All the time in confined space.
There are no siblings. Alone in the family. Parents from childhood inspired that he should have everything only the best.
At school I went in for sports. He even participated in the opening of the 1980 Olympics.
Married early. At 20 years old. He says his wife went to the left. At 28 divorced.
A daughter from her first marriage does not readily communicate with him, only when something is needed. He does not insist on communication. Basically, she goes to her grandmother (his mother). She was engaged in her education. The husband believes that she has anorexia and is trying to force her to be treated in the same clinic of neurosis. (although the girl is absolutely healthy. With a height of 1.60 weighs 58kg)
He is also trying to take our son to a psychologist and a neuropathologist.

The fact of the matter is that he is angry with the child.
Well yes. this is exactly what I expected, that means the matter is all the same in him and his phobias.

Parents from childhood inspired that he should have everything only the best.
At what age does he remember himself SO? When did he become afraid of “upsetting his parents”? And what came with it?

Have you ever gone out for a picnic together? Tinker in the sandbox with a child. Try not to be afraid of dirt, change the diaper - he did not try?

Digging deep is good. Did they unearth something from a psychologist?

He understands that children are dirty, scatter toys, light chaos can happen in the house, and that is NORMAL? Can he take this into his category of normality? Or is it difficult for him to do?

You correctly noted: problems with tolerance.
He is more likely an atolerant person, so to speak.
1. Believes that the events taking place do not depend on him, therefore, he relieves himself of responsibility for what is happening around. Unreasonably suspects that he is being harmed.
2. Apathetic perceives humor.
3. Prefers hard power.
4. Notices in itself advantages, and at others shortcomings concerning which takes an accusatory position.

In the summer we go to the country. He almost always sits in the house - watching TV. To a request to make a child a sandbox, he replies: “The lawns will deteriorate”
The psychologist did not dig up anything, because the husband describes his life as in a learned scenario. He is asked to “deviate” in the direction of some event, says: “I don’t remember”
And the last thing you say NORMALLY - CAN'T accept.
In general, a vicious circle.

To be honest, I’m very afraid if my husband takes up raising a child.
I also remembered that my mother-in-law in the country almost every 15-20 minutes. (I’m not exaggerating) came up to the child and said: "Let's wash the pens." Or, when he tried to do something on his own: "Let me help you." And she did everything herself.

Here we need an experienced psychoanalyst. I can assume that it is. looks like a childhood phobia. Either a phobia of microbes (fear of infection, parents scared in childhood), or is it somehow connected with the fear of dirt. Sorry for the assumption, but perhaps his mother scolded the code, he crap one's pants, and therefore I was always afraid to be “dirty” - I give this just as an example, so that you understand to what extent you may have to dig.

The author, my husband has no problems with immunity?
I got the idea that maybe in childhood he was too guarded, patronized, so he seemed to think maybe he was weak, and the world around him was dangerous, full of dirt, and he, like a greenhouse plant, could easily become infected.

PHOTO Getty images

Perfectionist complex

"Perfectionism and the thirst for order go hand in hand 1, ”say psychologists Martin Anthony and Richard Swinson. Perfectionists perceive cleanliness as one of the challenges of life. Since 100% purity can be achieved only in the sterilizer, they are ready to storm this target again and again. Moreover, the result (albeit temporary) is immediately noticeable.

Severe Anxiety, or Clatterophobia

Among neat people there are a lot of anxious people. By putting things in order, they feel that they are regaining control of their lives and emotions. Fear of disorder, or clatterophobia, It may have genetic reasons, since cleanliness once posed a serious advantage for survival in an environment where antibiotics had not yet been invented, says Tom Corby, therapist at Los Angeles Observatory of Compulsive Disorders. The problem is that today this anxiety can occur on the most insignificant occasions.

"An unbridled passion for order and the thirst for control is peculiar to people who grew up in an unstable environment, ”said Glen Croston, biologist and author of books on the psychology of risk. For example, one of the parents was constantly absent or abused alcohol, the family experienced serious financial problems, the house was constantly dirty and not cleaned. The child could try to win at least some island of order, and the washed sink in the kitchen in this case became the bulwark of illusory stability.

The desire to be good

It is no coincidence that the rituals of purification occupy such a large place in all world religions. Adherence to religious and social norms, conscientiousness, decency are characteristic of cleanliness. “Neat people, as a rule, see themselves as conscious and responsible. They think before they act. This is how we imagine ideal air traffic controllers, ”explains Sam Gosling, a psychology professor at the University of Texas at Austin, and the author of the bestselling book“ The Curious Look: What Your Things Tell About ”2. However, his research found that with all external decency, neatnesses are not more empathetic or kind than those who scatter things.

The author of The Perfect Mess 3 David Friedman is convinced that by wanting to be correct and blocking all unwanted impulses with the same care that they clean up, neat people drive themselves into a trap.

Firstly, too “perfect” environment leaves no room for creativity. “You ruled out everything wrong - you are never late, you rarely spill or break something, but luck also rarely accompanies you,” he writes. A cluttered table, untidy kitchen is a trademark of famous scientists and talented chefs. It is in chaos, in the fullness of their emotions, “bad” and “good”, that they are free to fully explore and create.

Secondly, pedants take as much time, if not more, to maintain order, as "sluts" spend to find keys and other necessary things. “I meet hundreds of people who tell me about their obsession with order. And they all admit that it causes them discomfort. Accurate people simply cannot live differently: they are prisoners of their habits, ”he summarizes.

1 M. Antony, R. Swinson, “When Perfect Isn t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism” (New Harbinger Pubns Inc, 1998).

2 S. Gosling, “Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You” (Profile Books, 2009).

3 D. Freedman “A Perfect Mess: The Hidden Benefits of Disorder: How Crammed Closets, Cluttered Offices, and On-the-Fly Planning Make the World a Better Place” (Back Bay Books, 2008).

Therapist Ivan Fenin warns: excessive desire for cleanliness can be a sign of latent neurosis and even psychosis, so you should not demand extreme accuracy from yourself and your loved ones, this can lead to bad consequences.

The first situation.

Order is first and foremost!

What to do

Remember that all cleanliness is relative - not only leakage from neighbors, but also an earthquake, house demolition or fire can happen. Then all efforts to restore order will seem ridiculous. Try to look at them from this point of view, thank God that there is nothing like this in your life, and clean as much as you have enough time and energy without prejudice to other interests.

The second situation.

An infection is swarming around, you need to wash your hands as often as possible

What to do

● Do not wash the floor of your bathroom for a week. After that, wipe it in three minutes with an ordinary mop. Use the same mop for other work without first cleaning it.

● Buy a fluffy mohair sweater and wear it for a week. When removing a sweater at night, do not remove spools of wool from it.

● You, your husband and children should not take off their shoes when entering from the street. Do not clean the house for a week.

● Throw sheets and blankets on the floor, and then lay them on the bed. Do not change this bedding for a week.

2. Other ways to cope with a dangerous addiction to cleanliness are proposed to be carried out together with a therapist.

The third situation.

Sex is associated with dirt, you need to avoid it and be ashamed

Sometimes such complexes lead to the development of dermatitis, allergies, symbolizing the rejection of oneself from others, intolerance to the situation, which the body "screams" about, but does not want to know the mind. Perhaps the occurrence of pathology from the gastrointestinal tract.

What to do

1. Such deviations require serious psychotherapeutic intervention, of course, if the woman herself suffers from them, is aware of this and is ready to undergo treatment. Often the problem lies in some complexes related to childhood, in relationships with father and mother, which require serious analysis.

2. Specialists consider the so-called process-oriented psychotherapy to be the most successful in such cases, when the patient moves in his own only experienced direction, and the therapist, sensing the trajectory of movement, helps him use his own internal resource, focusing the patient’s attention on the “key” words, poses, gestures, sensations. In this case, the key point is the belief in healing through the spontaneous, living process that occurs in the patient. This therapy can be compared to a journey whose outcome is not known in advance.