Love and sex are ideal.
11.11.2016 15:59
The debate about what love is forever, everyone is trying to find their own definition. Let us also try to figure it out. Consider the definitions of love and sexuality from famous and recognized psychologists. Re-read their theories periodically to analyze and understand what is happening in your life. Having penetrated their views, you can not succumb to any provocations and easily distinguish love from its fakes.
Love by Z. Freud
The famous theory of Z. Freud was that love is only physiology, the realization of sexual instinct. Freud denied the existence of the highest spiritual love, the need of a person for closeness and solitude with his beloved. Freud's love mechanism consists of chemical reactions in the body, hormonal tension, which brings discomfort and requires satisfaction. Thus, Freud equated sexual desire with other physical needs, such as satisfying thirst and hunger.
Love by W. Frankl
Frankl's views are very different from Freud's theory and are very interesting to study. Frankl defined love as an experience of personality in all its depth and unlike anything. According to this theory, there are two ways to confirm the originality of a person - active and passive. With the active - the person realizes creative values, with the passive - the person as if everything is given for nothing - they just love him, and he allows himself to be loved. He does not try and does not invest any energy, does not try to win anyone, but because of his uniqueness, he is beloved and significant. A loving man is also enriched, he is illuminated by a whole series of new feelings and sensations, he begins to see much more values \u200b\u200bof the world and people.
Personality levels
Each person consists of three levels - physical, mental and spiritual. In accordance with them, there are three types of relationships. Physical relations are the most primitive, characterized only by sexual desire and its satisfaction, this communication is at the physiological level, neither character nor personality itself is important here, any person of the opposite sex is suitable for satisfying sexual desire.
This level is characterized by changes in partners, and, as a result, changes. At the next level are erotic relationships that capture the psychology of a person - here the partner is already interested in the character and temperament of the person. Such relationships are already captivating. At this level, a person chooses a certain type of partner. There are changes too, but the choice falls on a person of the same type as the former, only names will change.
Love appears only at the third level, which is the final and best phase of erotic relationships, when feelings penetrate the personality structure of a person. Love is the emergence between partners of a deep spiritual relationship, which, according to Frankl, is the highest type of partnership. For each partner, communication with each other becomes a key point, without this there is no emotional integrity, they love a person, accepting him completely, with all his habits and characteristics. Love allows you to see your loved one not only in reality - what he is, but also how he can to become in the development of their abilities and qualities. This contradicts the belief that love is blind, it is very sighted and makes it possible to see more than usual.
Love excludes betrayal, because deep fullness and dedication by one person fills the whole person completely. Love conquers even death; when a loved one leaves, the lover can remain faithful to him for the rest of his life. A person leaves, but the essence remains with us, like love. Because love is not just an emotion living in us, it is our action in relation to the essence of a loved one.
Frankl was convinced of the correctness of Frankl's theory in my practice. Many of my patients on the way of their development had a large number of sexual relations, and changed partners often without hesitation. It was a relationship on the physical level and the level of strong erotic hobbies. But as soon as a person met true love, as cheating and frequent changes of partners ceased, they no longer made sense. Moreover, even separation is not an obstacle to love, being at a great distance from a loved one, the lover does not have the thought of finding a partner “at night”.
Sex in true love plays the role of self-expression, it is not an end in itself. Since love is manifested through our body, in those relationships where sex is possible, it will certainly appear, but without it, love can exist. Sexual act is one of the ways of manifesting love, and it is love that gives sex dignity and meaning, and sex itself is a process of manifestation of spiritual intimacy.
Our appearance is not so important for love. Love makes true traits and character traits attractive, so do not abuse cosmetics, because our features are not only in advantages, but also in disadvantages.
But the importance of love should not be overestimated, people often suffer from the fact that they have not found true love, they begin to consider themselves ugly, unworthy and drive themselves into a corner. This is not worth doing, and without love you can fill your life with many meanings. But before you give up love, analyze yourself, is there really a lack of love in your life, or is there a place for a neurotic disorder? However, do not come to terms with fate. Otherwise, not realizing yourself in something creative, you can completely overestimate the meaning of love and direct all your strength at it, resulting in a feeling of bitterness.
Frankl said that nothing can be achieved through violence, especially in love. The problem of lack of love does not need to be solved - it will be solved by itself, you just need to prepare and be strong for love. After all, if suddenly this huge feeling comes to you, you will have to endure it, while receiving pleasure. Well, if you had an unfortunate story, you were defeated in love, do not despair, wait a bit, come to your senses, and then try again if there is such a case. The main thing is not to harbor anger and not transfer it to a new relationship.
In his beloved business, a man shows his individuality and peculiarity, and in love absorbs the originality and uniqueness of a loved one. Moreover, love makes it possible to see a person as he really is, as God intended him to be. Frankl also warned that we are nowhere, even in love, immune from mistakes, we can confuse love with a strong passion, which is not a reason for creating families. But love will not always be the reason for the formation of marriage, since marriage is a little different, it is a social structure of life, a kind of joint agreement.
According to Frankl, the concept of unrequited love simply does not exist, because if a person truly loves, it makes him a deeper and wiser person who is able to feel the personality of another person, which expands the internal boundaries and gives a more complete and colorful picture of life. In turn, love helps a loved one to become what the lover saw him. In any circumstances, love makes people better, pushes toward self-development and improvement, thanks to experiences, a person gains invaluable experience, becomes more mature and wise.
Such a dangerous feeling as jealousy - should be absent in love, it is a stupid and not leading to anything trait. You need to understand that it is impossible to compare ourselves with someone else - we are all unique. In comparison, we respect neither ourselves nor others. When we are jealous - we are not confident in ourselves and in our abilities, this is unacceptable for love.
Frankl believed that monogamous relationships are the highest point of sexual development. A mature person feels sexual attraction only when there is love and thinks about creating a relationship if sex is a manifestation of love. But this is only an ideal situation, and each has his own options. Frankl's point of view can be supplemented: his ideal system will exist in those relations in which partners develop, change and help each other in this.
Love by A. Maslow
Maslow considered the love and relationships of self-actualizing people, that is, always developing personalities. He believed that we should study the feeling of love in order to try to understand it and live with it in harmony, and also to realize what a self-actualizing person can teach us in a relationship.
Loving people are very close to each other and frank. The need for such psychological intimacy pushes the couple to retire in order to know each other. The trust that appears between people allows them to be themselves and relax, open up to a partner, telling him everything about themselves.
Love for a self-actualized person helps to reveal his qualities and talents even more, he loves frankly and sincerely, spontaneously, without hiding and not hiding. With a healthy development of relations, partners discover in each other new qualities and traits that they like, with the increase of this knowledge their love also grows. Such people become each other not only loved ones, but also best friends.
Maslow says it’s extremely important not only to be loved, but to love yourself, to experience this feeling inside. When we are loved, and in response we cannot reciprocate, this only complicates the situation. Such love will burden a person if, of course, he is decent, and will not use the feelings of another for his own selfish purposes. Love develops and ennobles the lover, gives a chance to become better for the sake of a loved one.
According to Maslow, a self-actualizing person is one who knows how to love and how to be loved. He easily distinguishes love from all other emotions and feelings, and sex and love are tightly interconnected. He receives the highest pleasure from sex with a loved one, since in all other areas all needs are satisfied, then orgasm and sex give him much more sensations than the average person. But a self-actualized person does not get hung up on pleasure, he is calm about sex, although he experiences a lot of pleasant emotions from him.
Self-actualized personalities easily and calmly relate to polygamy, they can discuss any topic at ease and openly. But still, in most cases, these people are monogamous, because their personal relationships completely suit them, they are satisfied with their partner and happy with him. In a healthy union of two people, their needs are the same as they are, that is, dreams and desires become common. Partners always care and take care of each other, and in case of illness they take care of each other. A lover always rejoices for the development of a loved one, never tries to humiliate or limit him with something.
A self-actualized person does not require anything in return for his love, his love is unconditional and disinterested.
Love by E. Fromm
Fromm defined love - primarily as an action in relation to the object of love. Love includes a great interest in the life and development of a loved one.
We are often outraged that it is difficult to find the very person you can love. But before asking this question, you need to understand - are we able to love, are we able? How long we will look for a loved one depends on this. Fromm determined Fromm base love to self-love, which is very logical and consistent with biblical principles - you need to love your partner as yourself. It follows from this that if a person has not figured out his problems, is fixated on his mistakes and cannot love himself, then he is not able to love another person.
How to learn to love yourself? Everything is very simple - develop, because this is one of the most important conditions of love. Invest in your time and knowledge, expand your inner world, then it will be easier for you to love another person. And not just to fall in love, but to build healthy, strong relationships.
Sigmund Freud (May 6, 1856 - September 21, 1939) was born in the small Moravian city of Freiburg. In 1960, his father and his family moved to Vienna, where Sigmund graduated with honors from high school and entered the University.
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Poor attitude to the child is the best condition for the formation of neurosis
Sigmund Freud argued that in early childhood - usually in the first three years of life and no later than the fifth year - the child has a number of drives that do not seem to him unlawful or forbidden.
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Sexual attraction of a girl to her father, a boy to her mother (Oedipus complex);
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Family life, professional contacts, meeting new people - all this is included in the sphere of psychology of relations. Even a person’s self-esteem depends on the attitude of other people to him.
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Positive thinking is the key to happiness!
Quite often, we are faced with the problem of relationships with other people, whether it be our relatives, friends or acquaintances.
How to maintain yourself in a good mood, when sometimes passions run high?
How to remove resentment, rage, anger, irritation and feel joy, peace, pacification?
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In modern times, most of us adhere to the version that it is impossible to accurately answer the question of what love is. But many centuries ago, Plato was the first to try this.
Love theory plato
In life, we often have heard expressions such as “platonic love” or “platonic feeling”, which implied that in such relationships there is no sex. But such a formulation would be too primitive. In order to fully understand what is a "Platonic feeling", we turn to the philosophy of Plato.
The versatility of the Platonic theory is emphasized by one of the main provisions of the thinker, which can be defined as the "unity of love." In other words, every love is an attraction to Good, Beauty, Good, Highness.
The essence of man, finite in nature, reveals his immortality in the knowledge of these forms, going beyond the boundaries of his own "I".
In his dialogue “Feast,” the ancient thinker explains that love is born in gratitude for craving for the beautiful. But love, not only an indicator of the sublime and spiritual, it can also expose all the inferiority of an individual.
Love brings both benefit and harm. It all depends on the people themselves. All the beautiful moments are spiritual, granted by heaven, and all the bad things that come with love are earthly, material matters.
Plato has always tried to prove to everyone that this feeling is highly moral, and it is higher than any human vices and problems. It is this position of the ancient philosopher that is often called the theory of free love.
Freud's Theory of Love
Freud became the second thinker who attempted to find a new unifying theory of love. Despite the abyss in the 24th century that separates it from Plato, the development of biological and medical sciences, which had a great influence on the formation of Freud as a scientist, he also sets the foundation for everything.
But in Freud’s psychology, every love is originally sexual. And the main task of the theory of love will explain from this thesis all kinds of love (narcissism, love for the family, for humanity, for certain things, etc.).
Freud's theory is based on the experiences and fears of childhood, which, in memories, are constantly present in the life of an adult and try to control it. The founder of psychoanalysis gave various examples when an adult tries to fulfill his childhood desires and dreams.
Sigmund Freud says that an ordinary child is forbidden almost everything that causes him delight and joy. And at different periods of development, new prohibitions appear, which makes the child again and again give up what he loves, for the sake of parents, so as not to lose their parental love.
How strongly memories and fears from childhood affect the success of an adult's life will depend on the person himself. Will he be able to become a psychologically mature person or will he direct all his forces for a long time to the realization of children's desires and needs. Search for something that could not get before?
It is worth noting that in the philosophy of Plato there is also an element of memories, but it is based on the initial knowledge of the Good, and is not characterized by a physical state. That is, platonic love comes, guided by the highest Beauty and Good, and not sexual inclination.
Despite the fact that such different characteristics of the "exalted" in Plato and the "natural" in Freud, the purpose of love is one. Both one and the second believed that the purpose of love is to bring together and hold together, unite and preserve living beings. Any person needs love, which to one degree or another is present in everyone’s life and determines the meaning of his existence.
Video on the topic of the article
Everyone who begins to engage in psychoanalysis, at first, probably fears the difficulties that will prepare him for the interpretation of the patient’s thoughts and the task of reproducing the repressed. But soon he will regard these difficulties as insignificant, but in return will gain the conviction that the only truly serious difficulties are encountered in handling the transference.
Of the situations that arise here, I want to grab one single, clearly described, both because of its frequency and real significance, and because of its theoretical interest. I mean the case when a female patient makes it clear or makes it clear that she, like any other mortal woman, has fallen in love with the doctor who analyzes her. This situation has its unpleasant and comical sides, as well as serious ones; it is also so confused and varied due to, so inevitable and intractable that its discussion would long satisfy the vital need of analytical technology. But since we ourselves are not always free from the mistakes that we make fun of others, we still have not really insisted on this task. Here again and again we are faced with the obligation not to divulge a medical secret, which cannot be dispensed with in life, but which is useless in our science. Since psychoanalytic literature also belongs to real life, an insoluble contradiction arises here. Recently, in one place, I neglected secrecy and hinted that the same transference situation hindered the development of psychoanalytic therapy in its first ten years 1.
1 “On the History of the Psychoanalytic Movement” (1914 [d]). [This refers to Breyer's transference difficulties in the case of Anna O. (1895d).]
For a well-bred amateur, which, perhaps, is an ideal cultured person for psychoanalysis, love stories are not comparable with everything else; they are, so to speak, from another opera and do not tolerate any other relationship to themselves. If, therefore, the patient fell in love with the doctor, then he will think that in this case there are only two solutions: rarer, that all conditions allow the legal union of both for a long time, and more frequent, that the doctor and patient will disperse and stop the work that has begun , which was supposed to serve as a recovery, as disrupted by natural disaster. Of course, a third solution is also possible, which seems to be even compatible with the continuation of treatment, the establishment of illegal and short-lived love relationships; but perhaps civil morality makes it impossible, as well as the title of doctor. Nevertheless, the amateur would ask himself to be reassured as clearly as possible by the assurance of the analyst that this third case is completely excluded. Obviously, the point of view of a psychoanalyst should be different.
Let us imagine the second case of overcoming the discussed situation when the doctor and the patient break up after the patient fell in love with the doctor; treatment is discontinued. But the patient’s condition soon makes a second analytical attempt with another doctor necessary; and then it turns out that the patient feels herself in love with this second doctor as well, and in the same way, when treatment is stopped and a new one begins, she falls in love with the third one, etc. This fact, with certainty, which is, as you know, one thing from the foundations of psychoanalytic theory, it can find two applications: one for the analyzing doctor, the other for the patient in need of analysis.
For the physician, it means a valuable explanation and a good warning about the countertransference that is at hand. He must be aware that the patient’s love is due to the analytical situation and cannot be attributed to the merits of his person, that, therefore, he has no reason to be proud of such a “conquest”, as they would call it
1 [The question of "countertransference" Freud raised in his report at the Nuremberg Congress (1910d). He returns to him once more below, with. 225 and p. 228-229. In addition to these passages, Freud’s other published works do not explicitly discuss this problem anywhere.]
out of analysis. And it never bothers to remind about this. For the patient, an alternative is obtained: she must either refuse psychoanalytic treatment, or reconcile herself with falling in love with a doctor as an inevitable fate 1.
I have no doubt that the patient’s relatives will speak out with the same determination for the first of both possibilities as the analyzing doctor for the second. But I think that this is a case in which one cannot give in to the tender — or rather selfishly jealous — care of relatives. Of crucial importance was the interest of the patient. However, the love of relatives cannot cure a neurosis. A psychoanalyst should not be imposed, but he may find himself indispensable for the provision of certain services. Whoever, as a relative, shares Tolstoy’s position in relation to this problem, let him continue to serenely control his wife or daughter, but should try to endure that she will also survive a neurosis and a related violation of her love ability. In the end, this is the same case as the case of gynecological treatment. However, the jealous father or spouse is deeply mistaken, believing that the patient will avoid falling in love with a doctor if, to overcome her neurosis, she chooses a different treatment than the analytical one. The difference is likely to be only that such a love, which is destined to remain unexpressed and unanalyzed, will never make the contribution to the recovery of the patient that the analysis would have obtained from her.
I became aware that individual doctors who practice analysis often 2 prepare patients for the appearance of love transference or even ask them to "fall in love only with the doctor so that the analysis progresses successfully." It’s not easy for me to imagine a more awkward technique. This deprives the phenomenon of the convincing property of spontaneity and prepares for itself hard to resolve difficulties 3.
1 The fact that transference can be expressed in other and less tender feelings is known and does not need to be discussed in this article. [Cm. work "On the dynamics of transfer" (1912b).]
2 [Instead of this word, only in the first edition is: "in advance."]
3 [Only in the first edition, this paragraph, which has the character of an insert, is typed in petite.]
At first, however, it does not seem that out of falling in love with the transference, something useful for treatment may arise. The patient, even the most complaisant so far, has suddenly lost her understanding and interest in treatment; she does not want to talk and hear about anything other than about her love, to which she demands an answer; she abandoned her symptoms or neglects them, moreover, she declares herself healthy. There is a complete change in the scene, as if the game is replaced by unexpectedly invading reality, just as a fire alarm sounds during a theater performance. It is not easy for someone who is experiencing this as a doctor for the first time to maintain the analytical situation and avoid the misconception that the treatment has really ended.
After a little reflection, then you understand this. First of all, you recall the suspicion that everything that prevents the continuation of treatment may be an expression of resistance1. To the manifestation of violent love demands, of course, resistance is largely involved. Indeed, the signs of gentle transfer were already noticeable for the patient for a long time, and her pliability, her agreement with all the explanations of the analysis, her excellent understanding and smartness, which she showed in this case, of course, could be attributed to her attitude towards the doctor. Now it was all blown away by the wind; the patient became completely unreasonable, she seemed to dissolve in her love, and this metamorphosis regularly occurred at a certain moment, just when she needed to recognize or recall a particularly unpleasant and crowded fragment from the history of her life. Therefore, love has existed for a long time, but now resistance begins to use it to prevent the continuation of treatment, to divert all interest from work and to put the analyzing doctor in an awkward position.
If you look closely, in the situation you can also identify the effect of complicating motives, partly those that
1 [Freud argued even more categorically in the first edition of The Interpretation of Dreams (1900a), Studienausgabe, vol. 2, p. 495. However, in 1925 he added a lengthy note to that passage explaining its meaning and clarifying the previous wording.]
join in love, in part - special expressions of resistance. The motives of the first kind include the patient’s desire to convince herself of their irresistibility, to undermine the credibility of the doctor, belittling him to the position of a lover, and all that seduces as a side benefit with love satisfaction. Regarding the resistance, it can be assumed that it sometimes uses a declaration of love as a means to experience a strict analyst, after which, if he is compliant, he should expect a strict suggestion. But first of all, it seems that resistance as an agent provocateur increases love and exaggerates the willingness to surrender, in order to then more convincingly justify the effect of repression, citing the dangers of such licentiousness. All this tinsel, which in purer cases may not be, as is well known, was considered by Alf. Adler as the essence of the whole process 1.
But how should an analyst behave so as not to fail due to such a situation, if it is certain for him that, despite this love affair and throughout the time that he exists, treatment should be continued?
Now, strongly emphasizing generally accepted morality, I could easily postulate that the analyst should never accept or respond in any way to the tenderness offered to him. Rather, he should recognize the moment as appropriate in order to defend the moral demand and necessity of rejection before the woman in love and to get her to give up her desire and, having overcome the animal part of her “I \u003e\u003e”, she continued the analytical work.
But I will not fulfill these expectations in either the first or second part. In the first part, because I write not for clients, but for doctors who have to deal with serious difficulties, and, moreover, also because I can reduce the moral prescription here to its origins, that is, to expediency. This time, fortunately, I am able, without changing the results, to replace the requirement of morality with considerations of analytical technique.
1 [Compare Adler (1911, 219).]
But even more resolutely, I renounce the second part of this expectation. To call for suppression of attraction, for refusal of satisfaction and for sublimation, as soon as the patient admitted her love affair, would mean to act not analytically, but recklessly. It would be as if they wanted to invoke the spirit from the underworld with artificial spells, and then, without asking him anything, would send him back. Indeed, in this case, they would only have brought the repressed to consciousness, so that, frightened by it, they would displace it in a new way. And regarding the success of such a course of action, there is no need to cheat. As you know, little can be done about refined speech turns with passions. The patient only feels neglect and does not miss the opportunity to avenge him.
Just as little I can advise you to choose the middle path, which someone seems the most prudent and that the doctor claims to respond to the patient’s tender feelings, and at the same time evades all physical manifestations of this tenderness, until he can direct the relationship to more calm channel and raise them to a higher step. I must object to such a way out, indicating that psychoanalytic treatment is based on truthfulness. This is a significant part of his educational impact and his ethical value. It is dangerous to leave this foundation. Anyone who has mastered the analytic technique well will no longer resort to the lies and deceit usually needed by a doctor, and, as a rule, gives himself away if he sometimes tries to do it from his best intentions. Since the patient is required to have the strictest truthfulness, you put all your authority at stake if you give him the opportunity to catch himself on the fact that he is stepping back from the truth. In addition, an attempt to allow oneself to respond to the patient’s tender feelings is not entirely safe. A person is not so good at owning himself that one day he suddenly does not go further than he intended. Therefore, I believe that one cannot renounce the indifference gained through the suppression of countertransference.
I also made it clear that the analytical technique is instructing the doctor not to give the patient in need of love the required satisfaction. Treatment should be in abstinence 1; by this I do not mean merely physical deprivation and not deprivation of all that they long for, for this, probably, not a single patient would suffer. But I want to put forward the principle that patients need to maintain their need and longing as the forces that encourage work and change, and we must be careful not to reassure them with surrogates. After all, nothing else but surrogates can be offered, since the patient, due to her condition, until her repression is eliminated, is not able to get real satisfaction.
We admit that the principle that analytical treatment should be carried out in conditions of deprivation goes far beyond the scope of the individual case considered here and requires a detailed discussion, due to which the boundaries of its applicability should be outlined 2. However, we do not want to do this now and if possible we will strictly stick to the situation from which we proceeded. What would happen if the doctor acted differently and, say, used the freedom granted to each other to answer the patient's love and satisfy her need for tenderness?
If at the same time he must have been guided by the calculation that he would secure power over the patient by such courtesy and thus move her to solve the problems of treatment, that is, permanently relieve her of neurosis, then experience should have shown him that he had miscalculated. The patient would have reached her goal, and he would never have reached her. Between the doctor and the patient, only what would be told again in the fun story about the pastor and the insurance agent would happen again. At the insistence of relatives, a pious husband is brought to an unbelieving and seriously ill insurance agent, who must convert him to faith before dying. The conversation lasts so long that those who wait receive hope. Finally, the patient’s room door swings open. The unbeliever is not converted
1 [Freud first openly discusses a technical recommendation here, according to which treatment should be carried out in conditions of abstinence, that is, what is included in psychoanalytic literature as the "rule of abstinence."]
2 [Freud once again raised this issue in his work read at the Budapest Congress (1919a).]
but the pastor leaves the insured 1.
It would be a great triumph for the patient if her love claims found an answer, and a complete failure for treatment. The patient would achieve what all patients in the analysis aspire to: play, repeat in life something that she should only remember when she needs to reproduce and preserve psychic material in the psychic region 2. In the further course of the love relationship, she would demonstrate all the inhibitions and the pathological reactions of their love life, while their correction would not be possible, and an unpleasant experience would end in remorse and a significant increase in its tendency to crowding out. Love affair renders analytic treatment inoperative; the combination of both is absurd.
Consequently, the satisfaction of the patient’s love requirement is as destructive for analysis as its suppression. The analyst’s path is completely different, for him there is no model in real life. The analyst does not shy away from the love affair, does not drive him away, and does not discourage the patient from him; in the same way, he steadfastly refrains from any answers to him. He adheres to a love affair, but treats it as something unreal, as a situation that needs to be experienced in the course of treatment, which must be reduced to her unconscious primary sources and which should help bring the patient the most secret in her love life, so that it is subject to her. The more it seems to him that he himself is invulnerable to all temptation, the sooner he will be able to extract its analytical content from the situation. A patient whose sexual repression is still not eliminated, but only pushed into the background, in this case will feel confident enough to manifest all the conditions of love, all the fantasies of her sexual desire, all the features of her love, and, starting from them, she will open herself the path to the infantile rationale for your love.
However, in one class of women this attempt to preserve the love affection for analytical work, not satisfying it, will fail.
1 [This parable is also mentioned in the Question of Amateur Analysis (1926e).]
2 See the previous article, “Recollection ...”, etc.
These are women with unbridled passion, who can’t tolerate any surrogates, children of nature who do not want to take the psychic instead of the material, which, according to the poet, has access only to the “logic of soup with meatball arguments” 1. These people are faced with the choice of either reciprocating or to incur all the hostility of the rejected woman. But in neither case is it possible to observe the interests of treatment. One has to retreat unsuccessfully and one can, let's say, reflect on a problem: how the ability to neurosis is combined with such an unstoppable need for love.
The way that other, less aggressive lovers are gradually brought to an analytic understanding of other analysts may be the same for many analysts. First of all, they emphasize the undoubted involvement in this “love” of resistance. True love would make the patient compliant and increase her willingness to solve the problems of her case simply because the beloved man required it. Such an affection would willingly choose the path through completing the treatment in order to make oneself valuable to the doctor and prepare a reality in which the love addiction could find its place. Instead, the patient shows herself stubborn and naughty, rejected all interest in treatment and clearly does not feel respect for the doctor’s deeply founded convictions. Consequently, it produces resistance in the form of a manifestation of love and, in addition, without a shadow of doubt, makes it so that it finds itself in the situation of the so-called mill 2. For if he rejects her love, to which he is compelled by duty and understanding, then she can portray rejected from herself and in this case from vengeance and bitter insult will not allow him to cure herself, as she does now because of an imaginary love.
The second argument against the authenticity of this love is the assertion that it does not contain a single new feature stemming from the current situation, and consists entirely of repetitions and imprints of previous, also infantile reactions.
1 [Heine, Stray Rats.]
2 [The situation when playing cards, when, due to an unsuccessful deal, the player loses the seemingly guaranteed win and cannot affect the game in any way. - Note perev.]
And the doctor undertakes to prove this with a detailed analysis of the patient’s love behavior.
If we add the necessary measure of patience to these arguments, then, as a rule, we manage to overcome a difficult situation and continue working either with a weakened or “overturned” love, the purpose of which in this case is to reveal an infantile choice of an object and fantasies entangling this choice. But I would like to critically highlight the above arguments and raise the question of whether we are telling the patient the truth or, in our distress, resorted to omissions and distortions. In other words: is it true that the love manifested in analytical treatment cannot be called real?
I think we told the patient the truth, but not all, not caring about the consequences. Of our two arguments, the first is the more compelling. The share of resistance in transference love is undeniable and very significant. But still, it was not the resistance that created this love; it finds it, uses it and exaggerates its manifestations. The authenticity of the phenomenon is not weakened by resistance either. Our second argument is much weaker; it is true that this love consists of new editions of old features and repeats infantile reactions. But this is an essential feature of all love. There is no love that does not repeat the infantile pattern. Exactly what constitutes her obsessive nature, reminiscent of something pathological, comes from her infantile conditioning. Probably, transference love has an even lesser degree of freedom than what happens in life and which is called normal, makes it even more clearly recognizing dependence on the infantile model, it turns out to be less malleable and capable of modifications, but that’s all, and not the most important thing . On what basis should one speak of the authenticity of love? On the basis of its legal capacity, its suitability for the realization of a love purpose? At this point, transference love does not seem to be inferior to any other; it seems that everything can be achieved from her.
So, we make brief conclusions: we do not have the right to dispute the nature of “true” love in love, which is manifested in analytical treatment. If it does not seem very normal, then this can be fully explained by the fact that ordinary love outside of analytical treatment resembles abnormal rather than normal mental phenomena. Nevertheless, she is distinguished by several features that provide her with a special position. It 1) is provoked by an analytical situation, 2) brought to extremes by the resistance that prevails in this situation, and 3) does not take reality into account to a large extent, it is more unreasonable, more careless, more blind in evaluating a loved one than with normal love. But we must not forget that it is these deviant features that make up the essence of love.
For the doctor’s actions, the first of the three mentioned features of love-transference is the most important. He lured this love by applying an analytical method to the cure of neurosis; it is for him the inevitable result of a medical situation, similar to the physical exposure of a patient or the message of a vital secret. Thus, it is certain for him that he is not entitled to derive any personal benefit from it. The patient’s readiness does not change anything here, but only shifts all responsibility to his own person. After all, the patient, as he should know, was not prepared for any other mechanism of healing. After successfully overcoming all difficulties, she often confesses to the expectation-fantasy with which she began treatment: if she behaves well, then in the end she will be rewarded with the kindness of the doctor.
For the doctor, ethical motives are combined here with technical ones to keep him from giving love to the patient. He must keep before his eyes a goal - so that a woman, whose love ability is restrained by infantile fixations, begins to freely dispose of this priceless and important function for her, but does not waste her during treatment, but keeps her ready for real life if she addresses her after treatment with these requirements. He should not play the scene of dog races with her, where a wreath of sausages is exhibited as a prize and where a joker spoils the whole thing by throwing a separate sausage on the treadmill. Dogs pounce on her, forgetting about the race and the wreath looming in the distance for the winner. I do not want to say that it will always be easy for a doctor to keep within the boundaries prescribed by ethics and technology. Especially for a young man, and not yet bound by strong bonds, this task may seem difficult. Undoubtedly, sexual love is one of the basic contents of life, and the combination of spiritual and bodily satisfaction in loving enjoyment is certainly one of its culmination. All people, up to a few foolish fanatics, know about it and accordingly arrange their lives; and only in science are embarrassed to admit it. On the other hand, a man has to play the unpleasant role of rejecting and refusing when a woman tries to achieve love, and an incomparable charm emanates from a noble woman who confesses her passion, despite neurosis and resistance. Tempts not the gross sensual demand of the patient. It acts rather repulsively, and all tolerance must be encouraged in order to treat it as a natural phenomenon. Perhaps, more subtle and purposefully inhibited desire-motivations of a woman bring with them the danger of forgetting about the technique and the task of the doctor for the sake of a wonderful experience.
Still, the concession for the analyst is out of the question. No matter how much he appreciates love, he should put even higher that he has the opportunity to raise his patient above the most important step in her life. She must learn from him the overcoming of the principle of pleasure, the rejection of a pleasurable, but socially unacceptable satisfaction, for the sake of satisfying a more distant, possibly generally unwarranted, but psychologically and socially flawless one. In order to overcome this, it must go through the prehistoric times of its spiritual development and, on this path, gain that increase in spiritual freedom, due to which conscious spiritual activity - in a systemic sense - differs from unconscious 1.
Thus, the analyst-psychotherapist must fight on three fronts: within himself - with forces that
1 [This distinction is explained in the work "Some remarks on the concept of the unconscious in psychoanalysis" (1912g), Studienausgabe, vol. 3, p. 35-36.]
i want to overthrow him from the analytical level, outside of analysis - with opponents who dispute the importance of sexual motive forces and forbid him to use them in his scientific technique, and in analysis - with his patients, who first behave as opponents, but then discover the dominant among them reassessment of sexual life and they want to capture a doctor with their socially unbridled passion.
Amateurs, whose attitude to psychoanalysis I spoke at the beginning, will undoubtedly take advantage of these discussions of transference love as an excuse to draw public attention to the dangers of this therapeutic method. The psychoanalyst knows that he is working with the most explosive forces and requires the same care and integrity as a chemist. But has a chemist ever been forbidden to engage in explosives because of their action because they are unsafe? Surprisingly, psychoanalysis has to re-conquer all the licenses that have long been recognized for other types of medical activity. Of course, I do not advocate the need to abandon harmless medical methods. In some cases, there are enough of them, and in the end, human society may need furor sanandi 1 as little as any other bigotry. But when it is believed that psychoneuroses should be overcome using harmless means, this means that from the point of view of their origin and practical significance, these disorders are grossly underestimated. No, in the actions of the doctor, along with medicina, there will always be a place for ferrum and for ignis 2, and therefore it will not be possible to do without the unremitted, by all the rules of the art, psychoanalysis, which is not afraid to wield the most dangerous mental impulses and dispose of them for the benefit of the patient.
1 [Healing of passions (lat.).]
2 [A hint of a saying attributed to Hippocrates: “That which cannot be cured with medicine is healed with a knife; that which does not heal the knife is healed with a hot iron; but that which cannot be cured by fire must be considered incurable. ” “Aphorisms”, VII, 87, in the book of Hippocrates “Thoughts on healthy and sick people and healing”, 1927, 32. However, the editor-in-chief of this publication, A. Zakk, adds that the authenticity of this aphorism is doubtful.]
Translation by A. M. Bokovikov
Notes on carry-over
