Who is at risk of burnout or fatigue? How to communicate with people you don’t want to communicate with
A person cannot live without communication - as they say, we are social beings.
And in such an important area of \u200b\u200bour life, we are faced with problems that prevent us from satisfying the need for communication, and we often get negative from the process. If you look, the modern society and the world around us create conditions in which people do not have the opportunity to communicate with each other in a quality manner.
Communication - this is the interaction of people, a two-way process, which includes the exchange of information, joint activities and mutual influence. Communication means establishing and maintaining contact between people. Our whole life consists of a process of communication with those who surround us - from family members to a random passerby who asked what time it was. And far from always we enjoy it. And sometimes it is so exhausting that a person consciously isolates himself from others psychologically.
How does the modern world affect communication between people?
1) In the modern world cognitive value decreases process of direct communication between people. We have a huge number of sources of information about the outside world - the media, the Internet. And often we know better the details of the life of famous, but strangers to us people, than what is in the head of a loved one. Instead of talking with those who are close to us, we read, watch, listen to events that have nothing to do with us. This leads to indifference, we forget how to understand and empathize. After all, one cannot truly empathize with all the poor and miserable in the world!
2) And also, think about modern children. Remember how they like to listen to elders' stories, how many questions they ask, etc. So children learned the world before. Now they listen to TV and bombarded with questions Yandex and Google. In this way the person’s personality and experience are devalued - close, real - in the process of communicating with the outside world since childhood. And when the child grows up, he again prefers a computer to a man.
3) The modern world is a variety of social roles that we have to play. Most of them require template behavior - if you are a parent, you must educate, the boss - to order, the godfather - to give birthday presents, friend - to listen to problems and help in solving them, wife - to take care of her husband and children ... Our relationships with people are becoming more formal, they lack directness, sincerity, soulfulness. Communication also becomes formal.
4) In modern society, the process of exchanging information between people most often has the goal of influencing each other. It begins at home, at school, continues in the office, in the store and during political campaigns, and ends with interracial and interethnic hostility of strangers to each other. We are all trying use each other for personal purposes - make you think and do what we want.
5) Communication on social networks allows us to keep abreast of what is happening with our friends - most often just “friends”. What is the percentage of "friends" on VKontakte or classmates with whom you really communicate - write personal messages, for example, and regularly see you in real life? Virtual communication gives us an invaluable opportunity to stay in touch with those who live far away from us and to easily meet new people, but also easy and stop any contact. Because of this, the value of such connections is reduced in our perception. Easy Come Easy Go.
Plus, virtual communication is very conducive to "wearing masks." Where else, if not here, you can imagine yourself as anyone who you really are not. You are just an image, just like your interlocutors on the other side of the monitor.
6) Distortion of communication goals. Why do people communicate? To brag about yourself and condemn others, pass the time, distract from your problems, not be alone. Communication becomes entertainment or means for our other goals., while spiritual interpersonal communication is a goal in itself.
What does a person want from the process of interpersonal communication? What should it be to be fun? From all of the above, it is clear that we all have enough formal, self-serving and superficial communication. But for a full-fledged, there is not enough strength and time. Interpersonal communication - this type of emotional, intellectual and physical interaction of two or more people, which occurs by mutual desire, is equally important for both at the level of need, the exchange of information in the process brings benefit and pleasure, is open and sincere in nature.
We are all looking for a friend, a teacher - a person with whom we can be ourselves, be open, not afraid to be rejected. Communication with a person at a deep level allows you to expand your worldview, deepen your perception, know yourself, feel the fullness of life. But, forced to constantly maintain empty, superficial relationships, in pursuit of image, engaged in satisfying material needs, we are less and less trusting people, less and less striving for truly close, open communication.
So, the main problems of modern communication is to reduce the value of the person’s personality - the object of communication - in the process of exchanging information and understanding the world, as well as the predominance of the formal type of communication and the distortion of communication goals.
And here the answer to the question slowly looms “Why don't people want to talk?”
They get tired of indifference, hypocrisy, “masks”, meaningless words and attention, empty conversations, get tired of being used, being “vests”, they don’t want someone else’s psychological garbage to be dumped on them, they change their beliefs and learn to live.
And if you suddenly realized that they do not want to communicate with you, think - maybe this is what you are doing?
Hello, my name is Mira, I am 21 years old.
Recently, I am increasingly falling into a state where I do not want to see and hear anyone. And it is not a burden to me at all, on the contrary, I feel safe - as if in a cocoon. All day I can sit in my room, doing my own business or thinking about something of my own. I don’t want to meet friends or call them, reply to their messages and letters. When someone calls me, I do not pick up the phone or ask the household to say that I am not. And the point is not that it’s not pleasant for me to communicate with someone, it just seems so complicated and impossible, I don’t even know how to explain this feeling. As if in order to talk with someone, you need to overcome yourself and throw all your strength into it, all your will. On the other hand, I feel guilty for ignoring my friends and relatives, and this makes it even harder.
I also rarely talk with family members, and sometimes they annoy me with their mere presence. I don’t want to go out either, because there are people there, there are a lot of them and they also annoy with their fuss. Every time going out for me is a real torture. I often so want to get to a desert island and stay there forever!
By nature, I am an introvert, and I am a rather reserved and uncommunicative person, but even for me, probably, such a state is abnormal.
Tell me, please, what should I do with this?
Psychologists Answers
Hello World.
You very clearly and in detail described your feelings, actions, thoughts.
You can clearly see how you are sitting at home, refuse calls, from communicating with households, with friends and relatives ...
Sit all day in the room and do your own affairs and thoughts (The question arises - what kind of work and what thoughts are about? And will they bring you any benefit - from material to spiritual, spiritual) ...
What to do with it?
You can do nothing if it suits you ...
(whether all this suits friends and relatives - so you can lose them all ...)
This condition is normal for some periods.
Constantly?
Where is that uninhabited island where you can live?
Since you asked the question - what to do about it? - Therefore, it also does not bring you much joy?
Then you can do a lot with this.
In my opinion, you did not describe anything like that - and perhaps this is symptomatic - because of which you want to hide in a cocoon of loneliness from external influences - from phone calls, talking with friends.
In my opinion, you are experiencing a contradiction between a sense of guilt in relation to your social role and its responsibilities, and internal needs to be with yourself. It seems to me that you do not fully understand that there is such an unpleasant and sick person in the outside world that is annoying. You feel your weakness - but so blurry - "real torture", "annoying with your presence", but what is this Weakness about? Unclear.
I am glad that you understand that an external adaptation to internal discomfort cannot solve the problem of a productive, eventful life. But what to do with the fact that you do not know what is happening? You do not know, and I do not understand. It is clear that the reasons for you are not clear. But the common place of such experiences. It is clear that you need to do something - but what? If you run, then from what? If striving, then to what?
If we spoke with professionals, then perhaps the pros would say: She is experiencing a classic existential crisis of loneliness, self-determination and choice of path. I would nod, but inside there would still be an emptiness - perhaps as a parallel with your unrequited emptiness - Well, I know what is bad, and what to do?
In such cases, either a very wise and close person from the environment helps, or a trip to a rather wise and experienced person who would not dismiss a couple of common phrases, but really took part in a dialogue with the aim of finding reasons, determining the future, looking for the answer to questions - Why I AM? Who am I?
The problem with conditions like yours is that a person is getting a little dumber, cannot just answer current questions. And here you need a man "who to think about." Because, as in a saying with whom you will lead from that and will be typed. And if you break contacts, then who are you with? What are you gaining?
Here is such a difficult answer to your not simple letter.
Sincerely, Victor.
Good answer15 Bad answer5 
Hello World! Your condition probably has a reason. Would you like to find her? If you wrote a letter on this site, then something is bothering you. Of course, you can sit at home and not talk to anyone, but let's imagine what will happen in 5 years from you? Will you be home? One? What about the family? Your own Children for example? If you want to find the reasons for your condition, please contact. Sincerely, Olesya
Good answer4 Bad answer15 
Hello World! By all indications that you described - you have depression. Depression is a disorder. which needs to be taken seriously. Here you can take the free online depression test http://www.infamed.com/psy/alt21_1.html
In severe depression, you need the help of a psychologist, medical support, and sometimes hospitalization for a while.
With a moderate severity of depression, consultations with a psychologist are necessary, sometimes also with medical support. There is no need to be afraid of antidepressants; modern medicines are not addictive provided all dosages and recommendations of the doctor are followed.
In case of mild depression, the help of a psychologist is very effective, the only thing you need to be patient is that you need at least 10 consultations. a psychologist will help you deal with the causes of depression and a good mood will return, the world will regain bright colors, and communication with friends will begin to bring joy.
Good answer8 Bad answer4 
Hello World!
The answer to the question. what you do with it depends on what you want. In general, what you want in life. If you want absolute security and peace, then continue to live as you live. But absolute safety, as a rule, is where there is little life and movement, because life and movement are always a priori dangerous. But not total (otherwise we would all have died out long ago), but quite controlled, if only you would take the responsibility to control it. In the meantime, you are avoiding all control of your life by simply hiding from it. And that is your right. Just keep in mind that the years go by, life goes by, and you will not have another chance to live (just live) your youth. You can make any choice, just understand the consequences. And if they correct you, then this choice will be conscious, and you will not regret it later. And choosing life, you will face different risks (any relationship is always a risk), but these risks can be managed by developing in the field of building relationships with people. And this is work, and sometimes not easy. But he is rewarded with a bright, happy, meaningful life among people. You have a choice, and I would suggest that you seriously reflect on it. All the best, Elena.
Good answer29 Bad answer6There are a lot of descriptions of this state of abundance - both everyday and scientific: “Everyone around is disgusting,” “I don't want to see anyone,” “Poisoning by people,” “I physically cannot communicate with anyone.” Does this happen to you? When you go outside, and there is horror: there are a hundred times more passers-by than in China! You appear in the office - and colleagues, as if conspiring, pull you, impose communication, endlessly demand attention. If you want to take a break from tiring conversations, it’s not the same: a furious telephone receiver clogs and clogs your head with annoying voices ... Hurry to escape from this crowded place. Get into a hole. And “feel the orphanage as bliss” - thanks to Akhmadulina for the poetic interpretation of the medical term “burnout syndrome”.
Signs of burnout:
. I don’t want to see, hear, communicate with anyone.
. Enduring fatigue.
. "Clouding" of the head, migraine, nausea.
. Insomnia against the background of excitement: the state is "so tired that there is no strength to fall asleep." Unwillingness to wake up in the morning.
. Emotional emptiness (feeling of “squeezed lemon”).
. Symptoms of asthenia: palpitations, dilated pupils,
pallor of the skin.
. Irritability, impatience.
. Loss of ability to make decisions.
. Feeling disappointed in the chosen activity.
. Exacerbation of chronic diseases.
Emotional cannibalism
The scientific term "burnout" ("emotional burnout") in 1974 was coined and coined by the American psychologist Fredeberg. As a matter of fact, the psychologist did not invent anything, his patients simply used the phrase "I am scorched, my soul is ashes" when describing their condition, so that Fredeberg could only give the metaphor the status of diagnosis. And burnout syndrome "went to the people." At first, this diagnosis was given to everyone who had characteristic signs of "exhaustion from communication." Patients very colorfully described their experiences - “People eat me bit by bit, drink my energy, devour my emotions” - and complained of fatigue, a feeling of powerlessness, exhaustion, frequent headaches, and insomnia. The frustration was loudly called “emotional cannibalism” in pseudoscientific publications and declared the inevitable psychological evil of our time: after all, communication, the main culprit of all troubles, is present in literally everything we do - whether it be relationships with relatives or professional activities.
Time passed, and specialists who gave out a sonorous diagnosis to the right and left, became thoughtful. Something did not add up: At work you need to sweat, but do not burn
the record “burnout” appeared on medical records of malicious misanthropes, and young women tired of parental nit-picking, and men who got confused in love relationships, and mothers tormented by capricious children, and even psychopaths who from time to time felt the desire “to pick up a machine gun and all of them! “The listed patients undoubtedly had problems, but they were associated with various reasons and concerned communication with specific people, and not communication as such at all. Psychologists and psychiatrists have a closer look at the diagnosis of "burnout" more attentively.
It turned out that many complaining about “intoxication by communication” have one thing in common: their professional success directly depended on the quality and quantity of communication with other people. And the diagnosis of "burnout syndrome", leaving the medical records of housewives, drivers, jewelers, etc., migrated to the category of disorders referred to in psychology professional deformation. Namely - it became an annoying prerogative of those who, on duty, are forced to communicate closely with people. AT risk group hit (according to the degree of decrease in the probability of emotional burnout): psychotherapists, teachers, journalists, managers of all ranks, including managers, as well as nurses, governesses, doctors, nurses and others. Specialists began to call victims of emotional cannibalism “burning out” or “burned out” - depending on the severity of the disorder.
Disgust and hatred
A few years ago, the American National Institute for Health and Occupational Safety published data from which it follows that of the 40 million people suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome worldwide, two-thirds are most likely not affected by chronic fatigue, but by the clinical form of “burnout” . And the main reason for their malaise is not so much professional overload, rush, stress, irregular working hours, fear of losing a job and fear of being incompetent (all of the above is mechanism for chronic fatigue) how much glut of contacts with other people - what is called, to the eyeballs. The situation is deadlock: after all, it is communication that is the essence of the professional activity of those who, due to emotional burnout, no longer have the strength not only to say - even to see their customers or partners. Trapped in the "I can not communicate, but I can not and can not communicate" person is very stressed. Overfatigue is punctuated by irritation - right up to bouts of so-called office rage, when people splash out unmotivated aggression on colleagues or clients. According to studies by British sociologists, every second employee at least once, and fell at his workplace in an uncontrollable rage. However, unmotivated aggression is the last degree of emotional burnout. Fortunately, the “burnout” is sneaking up on the person gradually. So, we have time to understand what is happening and not allow yourself to burn to the ground.
The first stage of chronic fatigue syndrome is “emotional deficiency”. Work that has only recently brought pleasure is disgusting. The doctor understands that he no longer wants to help his patients, the teacher - that he is sick of just thinking about the upcoming lecture, the journalist reduces his cheekbones from the need to arrange an interview. “Burning” people make an unpleasant discovery: familiar situations in which they easily, and most importantly - effectively interacted with people, for some reason became difficult. Victims of burnout are increasingly making oversights, performing simple professional duties. Touchiness, irritability grows: “Why should I tolerate them all? I’m not iron! ”
In the second stage of "emotional detachment" a person includes psychological defense, putting a barrier between himself and those with whom he should work. "If you can’t get anywhere, I’ll stop paying attention to you," to characterize the mood of "burning". Emotions become impoverished, nothing - neither positive nor negative circumstances - causes an emotional response. A person turns into a soulless robot, and this, of course, does not go unnoticed by partners or customers. They are perplexed, offended, sometimes even break off contacts. At this stage, the quality of the "burning" starts to decline significantly.
Many would get rid of emotional burnout in the initial stages, if
would not admit to their leadership. Multiple timeouts in the form
holidays or business trips help restore emotional resources.
Everyone can be in themselves, think about their own, but everyone should correctly show everyone around their intentions and respect. If this does not happen, people will simply turn their backs on you. In order for others to reach out to you, you need to avoid mistakes, which will be discussed later.
The first reason: you do not name the interlocutors by name
Psychologists say that at least sometimes you need to mention the name of the interlocutor in conversations. It’s not even a matter of whether you use this advice or not, but how often others use it. If at least one person calls your name during the dialogue, addressing you, then he or she will have more weight for you than anyone else. There is one very important trick for those who want to like a person more when they meet - you need to name their name. For example, you say my name is Elena, and they answer you: “And my name is Artem.” You say: "Very nice, Artem." This has a very strong effect. A person will immediately remember you and, what is more important at times, he or she will remember that it is pleasant to communicate with you. If you have memory problems, then society will still perceive this negatively, so write down the names so as not to forget them.
The second reason: you speak only on topics of interest only to you
Think about whether it will be interesting for everyone around to hear about your problems with children, a new diet, a new fitness trainer, a broken carburetor in a car, and politics. Take a closer look at people's reactions. It can be very revealing, because most of your stories about your personal life may not be interesting. People should want to ask you something if you are telling something. If this does not happen, then your topics are of no interest to anyone. Subsequently, they will not ask you anything.
One more piece of advice: do not talk about politics and religion if you do not want to be literally hated by everyone. This is bad manners. Of course, this is not a bad form for any society, but for most work collectives it is terrible. If you don’t communicate with you after your monologues, then you are talking on the wrong topics.
Reason Three: You Only Talk About Yourself
Perhaps you are transferring all conversations to yourself. It is also unrealistic annoying everyone around. The man told an interesting story, but instead of telling your opinion about it, you start: “But I have ...”.
Talking about yourself is worth it only if you were asked something directly. Perhaps you are the person who constantly translates the topic on yourself beloved. In no case should you do this if you do not want to become an outcast. On the contrary, be interested in other people after their monologues, ask them questions. Show interest, then you will quickly fall in love.
Reason Four: You gossip and discuss others behind your back.
Nobody likes hypocrites, even if there are hypocrites in your team besides you. Even if you really want to discuss your colleague’s new defiant dress with a girlfriend or your boss’s new car with a friend, it’s best not to. If you can not abstract from negative statements, then it is better not to say anything. Of course, rumors and gossip can also be said about you that you pretend to be a sanctuary, but no one is safe from this. Just avoid it without blaming others for sins. There are still a lot of good people, so they certainly will not communicate with you if you constantly discuss someone with them behind your back. People understand that you can therefore discuss them too.
Reason five: your lack of confidence in the conversation
People do not want to talk with those who are trying to say one phrase, but at the same time use a lot of extra words. Of course, this may be dishonest towards you, but unfortunately this does not bother anyone. There are few people who can understand others in this regard. Of course, this is not such a big reason to avoid you and not talk to you. But many are very annoyed.
Reason six: you answer monosyllabic
There is no doubt, you most likely just do not want to talk. This technique of dialogue with someone you are not interested in can alienate other people. It’s possible that you have an overestimated self-esteem, narcissism. This needs to be fixed, and as quickly as possible. People will not speak with those who consider them to be lower beings. Here you have to try to improve.
Reason seven: you constantly whine
Your life is filled with some problems that you share with everyone. You can be understood, because you always want to get some kind of approval, support, advice, but people get tired of your troubles, which they know more than their own.
Reason eight: you do not cause respect
This problem can be called global, but one should shed light on the most important thing. You are talking about one thing, but doing something completely different. If your words run counter to actions, then you should take care of yourself. People avoid communication with those who constantly lie or pretend.
Reason nine: you uncertainly introduce yourself to people
When you come to some place, you need to say hello and introduce yourself to everyone who does not know you. This will show that you are disposed to a dialogue and are ready to conduct it with everyone. Just saying hello to everyone at once will not be a gross mistake, because most do it. It is for the same reason that it is worth doing everything differently so as not to attribute oneself to this majority.
It is very important to introduce yourself not only to yourself, but also to introduce your companions to familiar people. It will be easier for your companion to enter into a conversation, and the people around you will automatically more positively look at you as a person who knows how to behave in society. Good manners were invented for a reason.
For these nine reasons, many people may stop communicating with you or do not want to communicate. If you recognize yourself in a few points, then this is even worse, but you do not need to hang your nose. You can become better, more popular and win over people if you try a little. Overcome the fear of communication, if you have one, because too secretive people also become outcasts, as well as very talkative. Good luck and don’t forget to click on the buttons and
Due to the fact that we are social beings, communication is one of the most important conditions for our existence. However, sometimes there are times when you want to stop communicating with any of the people you know. The reasons for this can be very different, but another thing is important: how to stop communicating with a personmaking it the most painless way?
In order to avoid noisy scenes and tumultuous showdowns, you must make a decision, find a way to implement it and tune in to implement your plan.
When you decide to end your relationship with someone, try to understand what exactly is pushing you to take this step. Sometimes it happens that people make rash decisions, succumbing, impressed by some events, but later regret it. Weigh the pros and cons. After all, it’s stupid to stop communicating with a person just because he didn’t call you back when you were waiting for this. It is a completely different matter when it comes to betraying you and your friendship. Therefore, it is very important to give a sober assessment of the situation and not to spoil the fever. Think about whether your resentment is worth excluding yours from your life? Can you forget about the insult inflicted on you, and how will this insult affect your future relationship? The right decision can only be made if all these questions are answered. Do not forget that friends for any person are his main wealth.
If you have weighed everything and made a deliberate decision, then, for a start, try to discuss it with those whom it directly concerns. Bring to his consciousness what happened between you and what does not suit you in this. It may turn out that he assesses the situation in a completely different way, or has some of his own in this regard, which he can present to you. Anyone can be settled only after all parties discuss the situation with each other.
In the event that you have already made a decision to terminate, and you are not going to change it, you should still talk with your former friend. This is not easy to do, but in order to facilitate the task, you can try to develop a tactic of behavior for yourself.
How to stop communicating with a person? Start by carefully considering everything that you want to tell your opponent, focus on what makes your future friendship impossible. Do not forget that you can only dot all the i's if you are honest and truthful in your conversation.
Do not aggravate the conflict and keep calm, since any negative emotions inherently cannot be constructive and the situation will become even more complicated.
Do not forget that the person with whom you want to end relations was previously dear to you and deserves respect and truth in relation to himself.
The main thing that you should achieve in a conversation is that you must convey to him the reasons why your further relationship is impossible. If you are going to break up with him forever - tell him about it, explaining the reasons. If something doesn’t suit you in your relationship, but you don’t want to lose a person, try to let him know that you can no longer remain his best friend, but try to remain friends at the same time.
Be sure to let your interlocutor speak. It may well turn out that he, explaining his actions from his own point of view, will be able to help you resolve the conflict situation, or vice versa - he himself will initiate the gap.
It goes without saying that ending an friendship that has lasted for years is not simple for anyone. You will be visited for some time by thoughts about how correctly you acted. Do not torture yourself. If you are in doubt, just talk to the person again and perhaps your friendship will come to life.
