How to behave with a passive-aggressive person? How to behave with an aggressive person: advice from a psychologist.

We experience an increase in the chaotic intensity of many complex environmental energies, and this enhances the impact of aggressive, intimidating and manipulative personalities. These forces are present both in people and in impersonal negative energies that can enter our personal sphere or make our way into any group of people. Impersonal negative energetic forces condense into heavy dark clouds of collective thought forms or into smog of thoughts. Many sensitive and empathic people can feel the smog of thoughts and feel it as extremely depressing and filled with negative energy.

Very dense areas filled with great negativity can attract low-level forces, such as demonic and reptilian entities or Fallen Angels. These entities feed on the collective smog of thoughts and are attracted to very negative people who are completely unaware of spirituality, they direct them to an even stronger level of negative thoughts and destructive behavior. The presence of people who are covered in essences and negativity can lead to significant exhaustion, as they are prone to emotional vampirism.

When we encounter aggressive and antagonistic forces, and when we are informed of a clear and calm approach to reasonable communication, we can translate aggression and arrogance into cooperation. At least, we can establish clear energy boundaries and serve as an example of acceptable behavior and benevolent communication, being respectful and clear if a person is ready for cooperation. Sometimes, the narcissism present in an aggressive person does not allow him to conduct a dialogue in a similar vein. Narcissistic people are closed to conflict resolution through dialogue, they want everything to go the way they want, at your expense. If this happens, we must decide whether to continue the conversation is a waste of our energy, or we need to conclude, for example, to establish a border, blocking further access to you.

One of the most common features of aggressive and intimidating dark forces, whether a person or dark forces using a particular person, is that they deliberately try to find an emotional trigger, trying to catch you off guard and unbalance you. This technique of manipulation is called "catching the bait", a person or entity is trying to emotionally upset you with barbs or insults, punches below the waist, by clicking on the buttons to see how you will respond. This is to check whether you are capturing the bait and whether you are emotionally reacting to the insult. If this happens, they will succeed and will have an advantage over you, which they will use to continue to use your personal weakness or vulnerability. This is used in psychological warfare and is also an energy concept, which is why it is important to understand when dealing with dark forces. If you are weakened by emotional struggles and are confused, they will strike even harder because you are open to them. This tactic is used in scenarios of personal relationships, as well as to destabilize communities or organizations through the technology of "divide and conquer." The predatory mind preys on the weakness and vulnerability that you may have, creating among people and in the communities of Victims and Executioners.

An absolutely iron rule in situations where an aggressive person or a fallen entity seeks to intimidate you is to always remain calm and keep cool. The less you react to a person / entity trying to manipulate you or apply methods of aggression in order to weaken and control you, the easier it is to stay focused and not react. Reactions come from the subconscious and are not the right answer, while you must quickly protect yourself from danger. The best answer is to maintain self-control and to confirm a neutral attitude towards a person / entity or circumstances in order to give an opportunity to respond better, and having self-control, you will have more leverage and personal power to manage the situation or direct it in a better direction. Faced with extremely negative energy and forms of aggression, it is not reasonable to respond with aggression to aggression. This will only exacerbate the energy problem, intensify chaos and weaken your position. Keep calm and neutral in relation to the negative, this will help speed up the solution to the problem.

When a person or entity shows aggression or trying to intimidate you, think for a moment about his motives and why they want to act that way. Disconnect from the situation as a participant, take the observer's position and look at their actions and behavior from a bird's eye view. It will become very clear that a person acts out of fear as a result of hidden trauma and pain, and that this suppressed pain is the result of his own unresolved problems. Sometimes this behavior allows you to see that these circumstances teach you self-control when meeting with aggressive forces. Many people act for the purpose of destruction as a result of consciousness control and cannot control themselves. Such destructive behavior gives a lot of detailed information about a person (immoral, ruled, cowardly, weak) and about his injury. When a person is controlled by external forces, he cannot recognize them, he is very weak, and he can be easily manipulated. People who are very weak mentally, emotionally, or spiritually use brute force to intimidate and control other people, to get what they want, or to complete the destructive program of the entity that uses them. If we look from the other side, reflecting the big spiritual issues affecting the planet, we will learn to reject and neutralize the negative, this reduces any personalization in situations. We must not perceive these aggressive or intimidating circumstances personally, but must remain awake and aware of hidden motives. Then we can see the whole picture, consider what is hidden, and solve the problem by restoring the energy balance.

We live in a society in which there are many people and entities that do not respect fundamental human rights, and this is the essence of control over the Earth of the Negative Alien Program and the Power elite. It is important to understand that when dealing with conflicts, we are faced with so many narcissistic people and psychopaths on planet Earth. The Archons Cheating Strategy is designed to create psychopaths, and now the planet is a byproduct of the Negative Alien Program, shaped by a belief system and numerous abuses that are crimes against human rights. These rights are Universal Laws that have been violated, and these negative forces have been able to take advantage and seize control of the people of the Earth.

If you do not harm others, you can strengthen your understanding of these laws and apply them in such circumstances, as you evict entities or neutralize the dark forces present in people who are aggressive towards you. Often a person who is aggressive towards you without any obvious reason acts under the control and manipulation of external forces. When we understand our rights as a human being, we begin to understand more clearly how to define and strengthen our personal boundaries. It is also called the ability to manage your personal space. Aggression, intimidation, intimidation and manipulation of behavior are intended to force you to abandon your human rights and weaken your borders to allow others to control you. When faced with aggressive and intimidating people / entities, it is important to know about your basic human rights. In this case, you will know when your rights are violated. Human rights are moral principles that describe certain norms of human behavior that are protected as laws in municipal and international law. The negative Alien Program and fallen entities intimidate and deceive people, violating their basic human rights, and often a person does not even know that his rights have been violated. These basic human rights on Earth are embedded in a democracy that reflects higher laws. Democratic states systematically slide towards the patriarchal oligarchy, ruled by the Negative Alien Program, since some basic concepts of democratic societies, representing many Universal Laws, are completely destroyed on Earth by these entities.

Human rights that are Divine Natural Laws:

♦ You have the right to take care of yourself and protect yourself from physical, mental, emotional or spiritual threats.

♦ You have the right to set your own priorities and choose a way of life on Earth, until it infringes on the rights of other people.

♦ You have the right to express feelings, opinions and desires.

♦ You have the right to respect.

♦ You have the right to create your own happy, healthy life, based on a spiritual goal.

♦ You have the right to be Divine, Sovereign and Free and to be responsible for directing your energies and life.

♦ You have the right to choose a goal, consent and power with the kind of forces you choose.

Naturally, we know that on Earth there are many people and entities who want to deprive us of our rights in order to take control of our minds, bodies and consciousness. Each person has the internal power to declare that he alone, and not the human aggressor or the Negative Alien Program, is responsible for his life and the direction of his consciousness. By affirming your human rights and focusing on them, you help yourself become stronger in order to reject all kinds of governing negative forces when they appear. Stay calm and learn to manage your personal space while accepting your basic human rights. This strengthens your personal energy boundaries that you have established to respect your basic human rights when you are faced with the negativity of aggressors who intimidate you into your personal space and try to take control of your body and mind. Reaffirming your basic human rights and managing your personal space will bring into your life the highest degree of protection for the Universal Laws.

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In the working environment, as in any other environment where there are other people, we encounter manifestations of aggression. Even situational aggression, one that is caused by stressful circumstances, is traumatic and unacceptable. But still it happens, because we are all human beings, not robots. But there is constant aggression, it is aimed at “rocking” you and making your stay in the office unbearable.

The network has published many articles on mobbing, bullying and bossing - all these are types of office bullying. About how they arise, how to distinguish them and how they are caused. But I would like to dwell on what to do if you become a victim of aggression. Because at work we spend a lot of time and it is very important that this time is as comfortable as possible and does not cause harm to our health.

Transfer communication with the aggressor into the most formal and printed channel in business emails and memos. As soon as you feel that one of the employees treats you differently from how he relates to others and this “not” is not better, friendlier or happier, and it doesn’t matter what it is expressed in, he began to call you “without demand” when with all the others he’s on “you”, makes jokes, interferes in your conversations with clients, gives some tasks - instantly translate the communication from oral to written. Written communication is always evidence. Oral cases, especially if they occurred only between you, prove hard. And correspondence is facts that you cannot dispute. And with these facts you can always turn to the manual.
Do not be silent about bullying or aggression. Report it to your immediate superior. Or a superior if the immediate one does not respond. Very often bullying is delayed precisely because the “victim” is silent. Of course, it is difficult to admit that you became a victim, it seems that you need to be strong and deal with it yourself. Actually not - office harassment is not something you have to deal with alone. With the job task - yes, you have to cope on your own, especially if your position does not involve teamwork. But the manual should cope with bullying. Because, as a rule, it arises where the work process is poorly organized, where employees have a lot of free time or a hierarchy is not built and borders are not set. It happens that aggression occurs in a team in which the leader himself is a sadist and a psychopath, that is, he encourages what is happening. And then there is no other way - just quit. But even bosses-psychopaths, first of all businessmen, and, therefore, count money well and understand everything about lawsuits. Which you can present. And they prefer not to touch someone who is not afraid of them.
Keep courtesy. The goal of the aggressor is to bring you to emotions, bring to frustration, make you act impulsively and thoughtlessly. The aggressor is a “vampire”, emotions are food for a vampire. Do not let him eat and then the aggressor himself will writhe in agony. Moreover, when you act on emotions you are mistaken. Your mistakes are also what the attacker wants to get from you. Do not give him trump cards against yourself. If the attack was completely unbearable - imagine the face of the aggressor on the target that you are shooting from the machine gun.
Do not take bullying to your personal account. Of course, there are people with a victim behavior model, they provoke fire on themselves even in the most peaceful and loyal groups. But. Neither the behavior nor the state of the victim justifies the rapist. Victima can always be sent to a communication training, therapy, or transferred to a job site where interaction with it is minimal. But do not poison. What marker do you have or did you accidentally end up in a bad environment? Your past work experience - if you were respected and appreciated in the previous team, you communicated with all employees evenly and benevolently, and they answered you the same, and in general you don’t feel that the world is huge and unfair to you alone - that means are you okay. Not in order with the team.
Stop attacks right away. It often happens that at first we show loyalty to the person who offended us and look for excuses - “he shouted because he had just been shouted at him”, “she answered me rudely because she was in a hurry right now.” Or we choose ignoring as a way to avoid conflict - I did not respond to the insult, I left the office, I did not notice an insulting joke. What seems to us to be a good way to solve, namely, withdrawal and silence, is perceived by the aggressor as a green traffic light, as weakness, as a sign that you can put pressure. If you politely and calmly immediately show the attacker that you should not be offended, you can fight back. Then at least he wonders if this "nut" is his teeth.

Work is an important part of human life, but it is not all life. If you feel that it is unbearable for the team you are in, you have tried all the solutions and they do not work - quit. Not looking at the crisis, unemployment, mortgage or something else. Only a lively and healthy person can work. If you kill yourself with work that is unbearable, it will not be easier for anyone. Work in pleasure.

As they say, you cannot live in society and be free from society. And we are all social people, meeting with a host of other people daily. And we all have to resolve daily issues of interaction with this mass of other people. And, preferably, such an interaction, after which you do not feel like a squeezed lemon. One of the frequently encountered problems of such interaction is alien aggression.

No one is safe from this, so everyone periodically has to wonder, but how to resist someone else's aggression? How not to take it or how to protect yourself from it?

What should be the position inside, so that it simply does not occur to people (even to the most notorious "boors") to cling to you and behave aggressively towards you?

Or, if you ask a question differently than people who rarely encounter the aggression of strangers, are different from people who constantly experience its effect on themselves?

I'm not talking about those moments when you are inadvertently hurt in the queue or in the subway, when a cashier who is tired for a day allows herself to talk to you in an irritated tone, or a person causes aggression by accidentally stepping on her foot.

I’m talking about those moments when people purposefully, with full awareness and understanding of what they are doing, behave aggressively towards other people, specially “are rude”, speak out, push, generally provoke a person to respond.

I must say right away that never, under any circumstances, aggression appears “just like that” out of the blue, there is always a reason for its appearance. It’s just that often this reason is not visible to the naked eye, and a person himself can not guess that he himself is a provocateur of someone else’s aggression.

In what form may alien aggression manifest itself:

Open. Everything is clear here, these are attacks from completely outsiders, “rudeness” in transport and on the streets, “grandmother bulldozers” from the Soviet past, a neighbor is an aggressive drunkard, various kinds of people from the lower social stratum, people who are used to solving their problems in an aggressive manner.
In a hidden form. Often aggression is allowed by friends and girlfriends "on the basis of friendship." All this is expressed in unflattering remarks, advice that was not requested, in various kinds of “bear services”. And often this is not recognized by the person who is the aggressor. He is fully confident that he “helps” his friend. All sorts of remarks, statements, criticism, just clinging to a person’s address, seasoned with “I know better how you live and what to do” sauce, and aimed at making a person comfortable with such a “friend”, and doing what he wants .

Also here can be attributed people who consider the rest as "cattle", not worthy of attention. Such people always and everywhere behave like "kings", do not reckon with the opinions of others, but they do this not in an open form, but showing all their behavior. They simply unreasonably overstated a sense of self-importance.

And in that, and in another case, a person who has been subjected to someone else’s aggression feels "drenched in mud", feels guilty for not being able to defend himself, feels humiliated, insulted, "unsettled."

Who are these people who constantly fall under the influence of alien aggression? Or maybe not constantly, but periodically, and this makes life difficult.

Firstly, these are people who themselves have a lot of aggression inside, but who have bans on its manifestation. A person realizes this aggression through the release of aggression from other people.

Here you can draw an analogy with people who are afraid of dogs. The dog feels this subconscious fear and bites or barks just such a person. In the case of foreign aggression, the same thing happens. The energetic, internal state of man is such that he “attracts” aggressors into his life. Surrounding people feel, unmistakably single out the one who can be "cheated" by body position, voice, facial expressions, appearance, manner of behavior and so on.

Thus, life gives feedback. After all, people get only what is in themselves, but what they are afraid to admit, or, what are internal, very strong prohibitions.

Suppose a child grew up in an intelligent family, where it was impossible not to show discontent, to look “wrong”. And the educational process was aimed at suppressing the personality, all sorts of manifestations of discontent, up to the ban on staying in a bad mood. This is just one example.

Or families with alcoholic fathers, when children, in fear of physical violence, are afraid to anger their father. Imagine a child who grew up in conditions of constant physical influences and moral humiliation. Such a child, due to his physical weakness in front of an older person, is simply forced to suppress the aggression inside.

Or a child grew up in a family where all problems were solved with the help of screams, abuse, abuse. And even in adulthood, such a person experiences panic fear, panic, loss of conversation before elevated tones or rudeness. Up to various phobias.

Many examples can be cited, but one thing unites such people.

These people are victims.

The aggressor needs to "merge" aggression, this is obvious, but only to the one who can’t answer. To the Sacrifice, which has its own aggression suppressed. And since, as a rule, the aggressor inside himself is a Victim (equally suppressed), he “senses” the same Victim in another person. And even if the Victim starts to “snap”, then she will do it from the state of the Victim. And this will not lead to any positive result.

Secondly, people who attract aggressors suffer, most often, the so-called "Trauma of the rejected." These are people who themselves seem “too big” in this world, they try to occupy as little space as possible in it, they are afraid to seem uncomfortable or to interfere with someone. They simply do not psychologically allow themselves too much, for example, a high salary, a more convenient and comfortable place to work, a big house or a car. Liz Burbo talks about this injury in his book. I will give an excerpt:

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected person feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five injuries, the feeling of the rejected is manifested first, and this means that the cause of such an injury in the life of an individual arises earlier than others.

A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born "by chance". A striking case is a child of the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects his child. It often happens that the parent does not intend to reject the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even minor, reason after an insulting remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If there is a wound not healed, it is very easy to separate. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his injury, and the feeling that he is rejected is only exacerbated.

From that day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask fugitive. This mask appears physically in the form of an elusive physique, that is, a body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, concise, it is as if specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, occupy less space, and not be visible among others.

This body does not want to take up much space, it takes the image of a runaway, slipping away and all its life strives to take as little space as possible . When you see a person who looks like an ethereal ghost - “skin and bones” - you can expect with a high degree of certainty that he suffers from the deep trauma of the rejected being.

A fugitive is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she was not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an incomplete, incomplete, consisting of fragments that are not well fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, can differ markedly from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. When I talk about the "incomplete" body, I mean those parts of the body where, as it were, there are not enough whole pieces (buttocks, breasts, chin, ankles much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. ),

Not to be present, so as not to suffer.

The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, slip away, disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a fugitive mask usually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not create problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. Such children devise many ways to escape from home; one of them is a pronounced desire to go to school.

The fugitive prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems that he really looks at everything material from top to bottom. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here.

The fugitive does not believe in his value, he does not put himself in anything.

The fugitive is looking for loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people he is stewed. He believes that he must endure to the end the most unpleasant situations, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he does not see options for salvation.The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the more he attracts to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected or rejects.

And when a person with a “rejected injury” goes out into the street, he often becomes an object of aggression from others. Again, such a person is in a state of Victim, and people simply “mirror” him this state.

Thirdly, people who suppress the response aggression within themselves, “swallow” someone else’s, do not allow themselves to give an adequate rebuff to the aggressor, are often victims of targeted, not constant, sudden aggression. For example, many cannot adequately rebuff the boss’s aggression. What happens next? A person suppresses the response of an aggressive impulse in himself, but this impulse requires compensation, so a person can "fall" on relatives to compensate for aggression. The one on whom they “broke away” transfers this aggression further until this impulse reaches the source of aggression (that is, the boss). This always happens.

No one ever forgets where he buried the ax of war. -Keane Hubbard

So, we decided on who, most often, those people who are constantly experiencing the effects of alien aggression. Now a natural question, and what to do about it.

How to resist alien aggression?

1. Deal with yourself.

If the Victim is "climbing" out of you - it is so obvious that it attracts aggressors, then you need to understand where this Victim came from. If you have a “rejected injury” or the origins in your childhood, you need to understand exactly where you blocked your permission to respond and work in that direction. You need to understand that a person has the right to defend himself and respond to someone else's aggression. But it’s preferable to free yourself from blockages and injuries, and then people will reflect on your new attitude. How to do it?

2. Understanding that other people's aggression is not your problem.

These are the problems of an attacking aggressive person. This EMU needs to "merge" aggression, but you just got in his way, and he wants to use it. And it is advisable to understand this not from the state of the Victim, but from the state of understanding that the “boor” inside is restless and needs to get some excrement somewhere. And he is looking for such a “bag holder” in other people. Do you want to be a “bag collector”?

One understanding of this already contributes to the separation of you from the state of Victim, which means that it removes the aggressor’s appetite for such “tasty” energy for him. After all, a person who behaves aggressively does this purposefully in order to get the energy of attention directed at him. Separating your state from the state of the aggressor will allow you not to react too violently, which means that you will not be able to recharge it with your emotions.

3. Give an answer to the aggressor in an acceptable form.

This item disappears by itself when a person learns to be in another internal state, the state of "boa constrictor". In the meantime, studying, the recommendations are as follows.

If a person directs aggression to another, then he is subconsciously ready to receive it in response. Therefore, it is necessary to respond to aggression in any case, everywhere and always. Your self-esteem will then say thank you. You need to respond to aggression with adequate aggression, you don’t even want to eat, even if this is not characteristic of you, even if you know that you will lose time and energy in this conflict. An adequate rebuff consists in an immediate reaction aimed at showing that aggression has been noticed, and you will continue to repulse if necessary: \u200b\u200b“Be careful”, “Be careful”, “Talk with me in a polite tone”, “You hit me” , "Stop yelling at me," and so on. Moreover, you need to say this not in a trembling voice, but in a calm, confident tone, looking into the eyes if possible. Show that you don’t need a conflict, but you can stand up for yourself. No need to “be rude”, shout back, you won’t achieve anything, just accept the rules of the game on someone else’s field. But if a person takes the situation into his own hands, then he already controls the situation, and not she. By the way, if you do not answer anything, then this is the same as accepting the rules of the game.

Moreover, the goal of retaliatory aggression is not to get satisfaction and win against the “boor”, to be cool and put it in its place. That is, the goal is not to win victory in "rudeness." The goal is to prevent aggressive people from harming you, to remain inwardly calm and know that you were able to fend for yourself. Then do not feel like a "receiver".

All these recommendations are good when aggression directed at you overtakes you suddenly, you are not prepared for this, and you need to quickly respond. But all your life you will not walk in a state of “combat readiness”, therefore, in principle, it is necessary to achieve such an internal state when it simply does not occur to people to attack you out of the blue.

What do you need to do for this?

1. Learn to defend your boundaries.

Always and everywhere you need to learn to defend your borders. By analogy with the state. A normal state will always rigidly suppress attempts to violate its borders, both explicit and implicit. Only, unlike the state, the borders of man are more easily controlled by himself. And if the state’s border can still be violated and go unnoticed, then when the human boundaries are violated, our built-in self-assessment system will always signal this. This can manifest itself as anger, protest, irritation, for example, when relatives without your permission climb into your life, discontent, and other manifestations expressed on an emotional level are possible. In principle, everyone met this.

Any person who has violated your boundaries should receive an adequate response. Even the closest people, parents, husbands should know that you will not allow violation of your borders. This does not mean that you should go into swearing and "rudeness", or a disregard for the requests and criticism of relatives. You can always find the words, it’s not without reason that the Russian is great and mighty and explain what you don’t like, that without your permission they are trying to make you comfortable for others.

2. Learning to be in a state of balance, calm. In a state of "boa constrictor."

This does not mean at all that if you have been aggressively attacked by another person, you need to stand in “nirvana” and not react in any way. No, the state of balance means that if you are silent in response to “rudeness”, not because you suppress aggression in yourself, but because it doesn’t cling to you in any way, and it’s so “all the same” to this aggression that even laziness to react somehow. But this is a reason to think, because, as I already said, an aggressive impulse does not form out of the blue.

Usually, the internal state of calm with unreasonable “rudeness” is violated, and if one swallows a grudge or suppresses retaliatory aggression, the internal state of calm will be violated even more. Therefore, you need to answer, but from a state of balance, NOT Victims, NOT “boor”, not because you need to answer, but only so that the aggressor would shut up, and “what would be disgraceful”.

You need to learn to be in a state of "boa constrictor," which, in which case, can bite your head. And if suddenly another person decides to “merge” aggression on you, then you will no longer be a “rabbit” who is afraid and cowardly. You will be at least an equal "boa constrictor", and somewhere you will even surpass an aggressive person in energy. And he will understand that you will not give yourself an insult, and will simply bypass you “the tenth road”.

What does NOT need to be done in case of someone else's aggression?

"Rude," swearing in response. The first place in the competitions of "rudeness" is far from the best prize. Yes, and it’s not environmentally friendly.
Be silent and “swallow”. In this case, consider that you yourself made an energy breakdown. You will be indignant for a long time and curse "to yourself", grind this situation inside, irritated by yourself, and blame yourself for not repelling the insolent.
Be silent and internally “accept”. In this case, you allow anyone who comes to mind to violate their borders. And according to the sensations, become a "kalopriemnik", which anyone can use.

Once again I want to repeat that never, under any circumstances, an aggressive impulse does not arise just like that. If aggression is directed at you, it means that you suppressed it inside instead of answering it and compensating for this alien aggressive impulse.

And to the aggression suppressed inside, you “pulled” aggression from another person, in order to throw it out and does not become a dumping ground for complexes. We can say that this is how the "cycle of aggression" works in nature. A person is forced to suppress aggression when he cannot give an adequate rebuff, when his boundaries are violated, when there are untreated injuries that need to be worked out.

Aggression is the only adequate response to one’s own helplessness. - Baghdasaryan A

An ideal case for a person is in a state of “boa constrictor” so that it would not occur to those around him to direct his aggression against you.

don't notice "his reaction;

ü express understanding of his feelings: "I understand that you are offended";

ü switch the attention of a classmate to something, for example, offer to complete a task (play);

ü positively indicate his behavior: "You are angry because you are tired."

Rule 2. Focus on actions (behavior), and not on a person’s personality.

At the time of aggression, describe the behavior of a classmate using the following verbal options:

ü “You behave aggressively” (statement of fact);

ü "Are you angry?" (stating a question);

ü "Do you want to offend me?", "Do you show me strength?" (disclosure of the motives of the aggressor);

ü “I don’t like it when they talk to me in such a tone,” “I get tense when someone screams loudly” (revealing my own feelings about unwanted behavior);

ü “You violate the rules of conduct” (appeal to the rules).

Rule 3. Control your own negative emotions.

Demonstrating his aggression, a person, as a rule, shows negative emotions: irritation, anger, indignation, fear, helplessness. When communicating with such a person, similar emotions can arise in you.

At the same time try:

ü not to demonstrate his authority: “It will be as I say”;

ü not to accept aggressive poses and gestures (clenched jaws, fingers into fists);

ü do not laugh at a person, do not mimic him;

ü do not evaluate his personality or his friends;

ü not to use physical force, not to threaten;

ü do not make excuses, do not try to protect yourself.

Rule 4. Demonstrate non-aggressive behavior.

As a result of the conflict, both parties lose control. Therefore, it is possible to use the following techniques:

ü pause (listen in silence);

ü take a timeout (provide the person and

the opportunity to calm down alone);

ü inspire calm with gestures, facial expressions;

ü jokes ("You look cooler now Schwarzen gera")

How to learn to live without a fight?

If you are drawn into a fight:

1) move away from this person to the side;

2) go to class;

3) tell the offender how you feel:

"I'm angry, but I refuse to fight with you,"

"I am outraged by your behavior,"

“Get away from me, I don’t want to talk to you”,

"I see, you want to drag me into a fight, am I right?";

4) do not attack first;

5) translate the conflict as a joke.

If you were angry with the actions of a classmate and you wanted to hit him :

1) count to 10;

2) wash or rinse your hands;

3) direct aggression on an inanimate object: an expander, balls, a pillow if you are at home, a punching bag if you are in the gym.

If you witness a fight:

Invite the brawlers to continue the analysis of relations at the next break (there is a hope that the guys will forget the insult and make peace, also during this time you can tell the teacher or psychologist, they will help them in reconciliation).

If the above methods do not help, call a teacher or other reputable adult.

How to control

aggression?

1. When you feel that something is pissing you off, try to stop your actions and move away from the situation (get away from the person who is annoying on the street, go into another room, etc.).

2. Practice a calm presence. How does the surface of the lake react to the outside world? No way. It just reflects, and that’s it. So you train to perceive what is happening around and not react to what is happening.

3. And you can learn how to transfer aggression in another direction, for example, to exercise. Do shock, sharp movements, you can with exclamations. A good fit is karate or any other martial arts.

4. If you are angry with someone, try putting yourself mentally in the place of that person. Think about why he behaves this way and what he is right about.

5. Do not pay attention to minor irritants. Try to live as if this day is the last of your life.

6. Do not blame others for the troubles. Try to forgive them, because everyone has flaws.

7. https://pandia.ru/text/79/051/images/image007_88.gif "width \u003d" 289 "\u003e Try to restrain yourself from raising your voice: take a deep breath when you want to scream, and imagine exhaling anger from comes out of you, and only then start talking.

9. Aggressiveness "href \u003d" / text / category / agressivnostmz / "rel \u003d" bookmark "\u003e aggressiveness. Write them down and the circumstances in which they arose in your head, as well as your actions. Look at your notes several times a week and analyze them. You You can understand them and find out the cause of the aggressiveness.

12. Smile more often, find funny in your anger at other people. Interrupt aggression by recalling jokes and jokes.

13. Learn to relieve nervous tension and relax. This can be meditation, sports, auto-training, chatting with friends, relaxation music, etc.

14. Have a rest. If you sleep little, then there can be no question of managing yourself.

15. Take care of the revision of your life values. You are scandalous and screaming, not only because you are full of emotions, but also because you forgot about respect for other people. When you are ready to yell at a relative, acquaintance, or even an outsider, then remember that they, too, have the right to respect and well-being, just like you.

She thinks you are talking, but she doesn’t let you insert a word. Not always everything goes according to plan, and it happens that the culprit of the tragedy makes you. Whether it’s a family member, colleague or, even worse, boss, aggressive and complex people can turn a good day into drama for no reason. When leaving is not an option, what will you do?

We all met with aggressive and difficult to communicate peoplethat no one can and does not want to cope with. In most situations, you can simply leave, confining yourself to ruffled feathers, without bringing the situation to cockfights. You can wait until the person annoying you leaves, and then complain to friends: “He is unbearable”. But another option seems much more productive: to begin to develop the skills of practical psychology.

Firstly, take responsibility for your part of the interaction. Hostility is born in your own heart. Even the most intolerable person has or had a mother. He was loved by someone. If you can cope with your reaction and take responsibility for it, it's hard to imagine a more productive step. Impartiality - the best answer, because if you can interact without a violent emotional response, your head will be clear enough to make progress in dealing with a complex person.

Further, try to determine what specifically causes you irritation. Is this person an energy vampire, an eternal critic, or a competition fan? We tend to use descriptive words, this helps to understand and accurately understand what is happening.

The energy vampire wants care and love. Such people feel weak, they are attracted by the strong in spirit, but in desperation they will cling to anyone.
The eternal critic must always be right. In any situation, he will justify his behavior, even cruel, and he always has a reason to blame others. These people are perfectionists and micro-managers. They are able to endlessly criticize others.
The fan of the competition must win. He sees the most trivial meeting as a competition. He will not back down until he feels the sweet taste of victory.

How to learn to communicate with these types of people

An energy vampire cannot be avoided.

It looks like Velcro, and will stay nearby as soon as you get into its field of vision. He ignores the polite refusal, and by refusing him directly, you risk making the worst enemy. Neutrality hurts their pride and makes them feel insecure.

The eternal critic will not back down from his point of view,

even if you provide concrete evidence of your innocence and the fallacy of his judgment. He doesn't give a damn about the facts, he only worries about being right. His perfectionism will not allow you to communicate better even if you do your job a hundred times better than before. He will always find something to criticize.

It is difficult to appease a competition lover even with supplications.

Any manifestation of emotions acts on him like a red rag on a bull. He perceives other people's tears as weakness and begins to press even harder. He comes back to finish, even if you pray him not to do it. If you firmly stand your ground, he will probably try to desert, and will continue to avoid you.

What to do if the described rules of communication do not help

You can get rid of an energy vampire by showing how to cope with the situation yourself.

Let him feel the responsibility. Instead of doing what they want, show how to do it. This technique works well with children and those children who will never grow up (which is why energy vampires seem so infantile). If they are trying to get out, and say that you are doing this job better, answer that it is not. The stronger you act, the more they will cling to you. Finally, find a situation where you can say, “I need your help.” They will either ignore the request or self-deny. It seems that any option will suit you.

The eternal critic can be defeated by fearlessness.

At heart, he is afraid to seem inadequate, and defends himself from his insecurity, making others feel insecure. When you have done your job well, just say so and do not succumb to his insistence to constantly change something. Learn to be firm and be able to stand up for yourself. But most importantly, do not get involved in the game “who is right, who is to blame”: you will never defeat a critic in his own game.

A competition lover can be dealt with by letting him win.

Until he wins, he will not have a chance to show the bounty of his soul. Most contestants want to be generous: this improves their self-esteem, which they always worry about. If your views are completely different, never show emotions, and do not ask for condescension. Use a reasonable argument instead. If the discussion is factual, the competitive spirit of the competition enthusiast will not suffer too much. For example, instead of saying: “It's too late. I'm too tired for complicated conclusions, and you're wrong, "say:" I need more time to resolve this issue. In the morning I will be fresh and will be able to make a decision. ”

Of course, there are times when you cannot deal with difficult people and just have to distance yourself. But even the types described are not obvious, there are also semitones here.

People with high conceit.

Let them speak out. In most cases, they can be ignored, they themselves quickly forget what was said. If their dominance begins to put too much pressure on you - go aside. The best strategy - in practice, it is used by those who love this type of people and even married them - sit in silence and enjoy the performance.

Chronic complainers.

These people are angry and unhappy, but in reality they do not realize that the source of their anger is within themselves. As a rule, the only option is to come to terms with them and remain uninvolved in a monologue. Do not agree with their complaints and discontent, but do not try to calm them down. They have endless fuel for their bile and boiling rage.

The victims.

These people are passive-aggressive. They harm you, while hurting yourself. The best tactic is to show your anger. Do not take their sacrifice as an excuse. If the victim categorizes himself as “poor self” without a passive-aggressive component, instead of empathy, offer him real practical help. For example, if the victim says that he may soon lose his job, say: “I can lend you money and help you find jobs,” instead of: “This is terrible. You must be feeling disgusting. ”

Be that as it may, most complex people want to be listened to and not judged. If you can take a moment of free time, and not be too involved in the process, this is already a worthy act. To be a good listener is not to argue, not to criticize, not to interrupt, and not to impose one’s own opinion. If the interlocutor has a genuine interest in you, and most complex people do not feel it, he will invite you to speak out, and not just listen. But listening skills must also have their limits. As soon as you feel that you, in addition to your will, are drawn into unnecessary conversation, begin to retire. The essence of practical psychology is knowing what to fix, what to put up with, and what to ignore.