How to find out what I want now. How to understand what you really want from life? How to understand what you want from life

To know about something - you need to start learning. Anyone, the longest way begins with the first step.
And probably, if the client says "I want to know" - it needs some sufficiently difficult knowledge: he probably had already known himself and he had not needed to seek a psychotherapist for this. Therefore, most often the order "I want to know" continues with the words "but for some reason I can not."
Sometimes a person is missing for this knowledge of adequate information.

Sometimes he wants to know something that hits his unconscious pain points, and even if there is information, it stumbles into the internal "perception barriers".

And also, wanting to find out something, it is useful for yourself to determine, to what extent and what depths you intend to be buried in this area.

But in any case, I can effectively promote a person who wants to know something. We will deal with that he does not work if some problems arise on the way to this knowledge. I will give him the necessary information (including quite unique and individual) if it needs it. And most importantly - I will offer him the "keys" to the necessary knowledge so that he can get the knowledge himself.

In working with customers, I often appeal to one poem from the poetry of Vagatov (translated by L.Ginsburg). There are such lines: "I will make the wonder in the proud of these walls, to open the cherished treasure of the knowledge of precious." Many read - "open." You have to pay attention to what is written somewhat differently. Because, gained knowledge, and complex, multi-level, have to open so much how much to tear off: with difficulty, with then, with intellectual voltage. And if the person does not do this itself - he, alas, will not acquire these knowledge. But those who want to purchase, and in the first place, in the first place, I can help: at least help navigate, "where exactly digging" to "open" knowledge for a particular problem or situation.

If we are talking about any of your own problems - without your participation in their decision, it is not necessary to do. Because no one (even the most professional psychotherapist) does not know your problem better than you. Psychotherapist is only an assistant and "supplier of additional information" in your research and finding decisions. In addition, it is always much more efficient to solve your problem than others.

The situation in terms of psychotherapeutic order is a certain set of circumstances that changes over time. The situation may vary by itself, and maybe under the influence of some actions of its participants, and not always known in advance. There will be these changes for the better or to the worst.

Actually, all psychotherapy is initially intended to help customers in finding outputs of their most diverse problem situations: because in the overwhelming majority of cases, the solution is in the area that a person, in a difficult situation, does not notice or does not consider. As they say, it is difficult to observe the peculiarities of the reaction, being inside the test tube. A psychotherapist is an uninterested person who has the opportunity to look at the problem from the side and at the same time still possessing professional knowledge in the specifics of the development of various situations and relationships. Therefore, first of all I propose to comprehensively analyze the situation with all its features, look at it from different sides, to predict how the situation will develop in the event of a certain decision - and then the client itself will choose the option of the exit that it will personally be suitable for him most.

I believe that we all came to this world for something and that we all have some meaning in it. I sincerely believe that we are all gifted by unique and unique talents. The implementation of our talents is much more important than we ourselves.

To begin with, I will tell my story

Last year I was shot down from the number of cases, because I chased my dream of money and "success." I have not even remembered why I need it. On my happiness, I met Jim (named name). Jim achieved that money success to which I was so sought. He was financially independent, he successfully led several projects, he had real estate in a variety of countries, he could afford all luxury items, which only you can buy for money.

He was able to achieve all this thanks to the zealous work, constancy and responsibility! But Jim was not happy. He had no free time in order to enjoy his wealth. He wanted his family. He wanted rest. He wanted to live his life ... But he could not afford it. He had too many duties, not after, he would have lost a lot. He had to defend a lot. Jim spent years on the construction of his castle and now that construction was completed, he spends all his time for the castle to be destroyed under the influence of external factors.

Acquaintance with Jim discovered my eyes to my life and made it change it. His words led me to the feeling. It suddenly became clear to me that "I don't want to spend the next 10 years of my life on the pursuit of money, in order to further detect my emotional, mental and spiritual development at the same level on which it was at the beginning of the chase." Brought the brakes, my pursuit stalled, and then was postponed to the side. I devoted the next two months to the revaluation of my life goals.

I came to mind such questions: what am I chase? Why am I doing this? What is my true goal? Why am I here?

Reading the book by Michael Gerbera "Small Business: From Illusions to Success" (E-Myth: Why Most Small Busineses Don't Work), I caught myself that I cry. In that chapter, the author asked readers to perform visualization exercises. Following his instructions, you are clearly drawn in my brain the day of your funeral. What do you want yourself a tombstone? What will be your lifetime achievements? What at the end of your life will have the greatest value for you? This is what you do now?

I began to write. I began to draw up a list of what is really important to me. I recorded everything I wanted to do. I again thought about my priorities. For myself, I decided that all the steps taken by me should lead to the achievement of the goal, which corresponds to my personal values \u200b\u200band is what I really want from life. With the advent of each new opportunity, I must define whether this feature is suitable for achieving my ultimate goal. No matter how much money will bring me a new opportunity if she goes against my life goals, I will not use it. I formulated my goal as follows:

Inspire, encourage and motivate people to live happier and fill with meaning life.

Here are some of the most important tasks for me:

For me, it is of great importance to consent to itself, self-realization and a feeling of happiness;
The greatest value for me is a serious relationship with people, the ability to build real relationships on the deep level;
I will be financially independent and will dispose of my time and location. I want to work only on those projects and embody only those ideas that I like. My financial situation will not conflict with my values \u200b\u200band life goals;
I will travel and live in different parts of the world. Having become acquainted with all sorts of cultures, I docume their photos and share my impressions with others;
I will buy my mother in Vancouver a house with a swimming pool in the yard. This is her dream and I want to embody her;
Family important to me. I want my husband with my husband strong and full of love of relationship.
I try to stay every day such a complete life as if my last day is.

15 questions that will help you in the awareness of your life goals.

The list of these issues can facilitate recognition of your life goals. They are designed to help you mentally formulate the tasks that you must do during your life.

Uncomplicated instructions:

Take several sheets of paper writers;
Find a place where no one will disturb you. Turn off your mobile phone;
Write down the answers to all questions. Record the first thing that comes to mind. Write without making edits. Answer all questions. It is more important to write all the answers, and not just think about them;
Write quickly. Take yourself no more than 60 seconds for each question. And better if it takes less than 30 seconds;
Be honest. No one will read it. It is very important to write without editing;
Enjoy what you do, and smile at this time.

15 questions:

What makes you smile? (Occupation, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)
What did you like to do in the past? What do you like to do now?
Doing what work, can you lose the time account?
What makes you be proud of yourself?
Who is more of your inspiration? (Anyone who you know or do not know personally. Members of your family, friends, writers, artists, political figures, etc.). What qualities of each of your inspirers serve you as an example?
What do you feel particularly well? (Your skills, abilities and talents).
For what help do people usually turn to you?
If you had someone to teach someone, then what would you teach?
What in your life would you regret? (Imperfect actions, the absence of anything).
Imagine that you have already been 90 years old. You are sitting in a rocking chair on the porch of your house and bask in gentle rays of spring. You are happy and relaxed, you are satisfied with that wonderful life that was given to you. You remember all your life, think about what you have achieved during this life and what you had. You are moving in memory all relationships. What is the most important thing for you? Make a list.
What are your true values? Choose 3-6 words in descending order of importance.

What are your highest values?
Achievements	friendship	Quality of work
Adventures	Services	Personal growth
beauty	Health	The game
To be the best	Honesty	Productivity
Challenge	Independence	Initiative
Convenience	Inner peace	Relations
Courage	Straight	Reliability
Creation	Intelligence	Respect
Curiosity	Close relations	Safety
Education	Fun	Spirituality
Confidence	Leadership	Success
Environment	Study	Freedom in time
A family	Love	Diversity
Financial independence	Interest
Healthy lifestyle	Passion
Other values \u200b\u200bthat are not listed

What difficulties, difficulties and adversity did you have to overcome or what do you have to overcome at the moment? How do you do it?
What ideas do you truly believe? What attracts you to them?
If you had to perform before a lot of people, what would be your speech? Who would be these people?
You have talents, preferences and values. How could you use what is given to you, for the purpose of serving, helping and implementing a personal contribution? (People, living beings, ideas, organizations, environment, peace, etc.).

Your destination in this world

"You are changing when you write down your goals and revise them, because for this you have to carefully, deeply think about what is really important for you and adjust your behavior under your beliefs" - Stephen Covi "7 Skills of High Efficient People" (7 Habits of Highly Effective PEOPLE)

You can understand your destination, answering 3 questions:

What do I want to do?
Who do I want to help?
What will be the result? What can I create?

Steps to define your destination:

In a rapid pace, answer 15 questions proposed above.
List the words that characterize you. For example: education, achieving perfection, trust, inspiration, improvement, help, return, management, inspiration, possession, motivation, education, organization, promotion, travel, growth, participation, satisfaction, understanding, teaching, creativity, etc.
Based on its 15 responses, list everything and everyone who and what you can help. For example: people, living beings, organizations, ideas, groups, environment, etc.
Determine your ultimate goal. What benefit will be removed by those who hit the answer to the question above, from what you do?
Word steps 2-4 in one or 2-3 sentences.

What is your goal? What is your purpose? What are your aspirations? Share your thoughts in the comments to the article.

Forget about others for a while, take only yourself. Ask yourself: If you were completely alone, no friends and relatives, without hated work and would not be limited in choosing, what would you like to do? Do not be afraid to show healthy egoism and do not be ashamed. If you do not put your interests above public, then no one will do it.

Don't spare

Constantly regret that you have done or did not do in the past - it means to stand still. Do not live in past and do not regret anything. Live today, live by the future.

Decide that you need the most

We do not always understand what we need in life. And it is extremely difficult to find out. Concentrate and think that it is truly important for you. A family? Freedom of expression? Financial well-being? Make a list of priorities, it can help.

Determine what bothers you

Healthy solve what you want to do, it is possible only when it does not hold back. If you are upset or your head is crashed, then you can never make a decision. Observe what it is annoying at the moment. "I am infuriates to work in the office" is not an answer. What specifically the aspect of the work is concerned? Annoying the boss? Schedule? Are you unhappy with the post?

Think about how to fix it. Perhaps in the current situation there are no serious problems and a change in only a pair of aspects will make you a happy person.

Find out what brings you pleasure

Pleasure is the key to a happy life. The person who benefits from life does not just live his years, but fills them with meaning. Recall moments from life when you were happy. What brings you pleasure? Travels? Communication with children? Management of the company? It will be easier to choose a further path, knowing what exactly makes you happy.

Tell us about your dream around

No need to hide from relatives and close solutions to quit everything and go towards a dream. Sharing with them your considerations, you can get the support and new ideas that you would not have thought.

Tune in to positive way

Life does not always go to the script we have written. But you do not need to fall into apathy, if something has not happened. Instead of grieving and do nothing, continue started with double power. Surrely or later, success will come. Do not give up, and think about good and do what I dreamed of all my life.

Just do not think that it's easy to find your destination. Many people are looking for him all life. The main thing is not to stop and continue to look. One day it will definitely happen. And before that moment, try various professions and classes. After all, without trying, you will never know, yours or not.

The duality of desires (simultaneous coexistence in us opposite - ambivalent - desires).

This is the norm.

People are not robots. They behave contradictory. Evil, offensive words (thoughts) and sincere attachment, love towards the same person (watch them!). Absolutely sincere promise and "so established" circumstances that the promise is not fulfilled.

No matter how we relate to this from a moral point of view, the inconsistency of desires is a reality characteristic of all people. Ignore it - how to ignore what the frying pan is hot. And you will burn, and the cause of the burn in you, and not in the pan.

As a rule, if you want something, you have the opposite desire.

I want to sleep, how much sleep - I want stable work, salary and prospects

I want a strong man - I want freedom

I want to health a child - I want him to need in me, and we were closer

I want to spend money right now - I want to postpone.

I want to tell a lie - I want to respect myself for honesty (or not be afraid that he will expose).

I want to be only with him (with her)! - And what, in my life there will be no one else?

I want to give duty! - I want to leave yourself!

I want to be slimmer - I want to eat what and how much I want (or - calm, or ...)

It can be realized. Or (especially if it is considered bad, unacceptable) not allowed into consciousness. Regardless of this, it affects actions.

Always, if you want something - look at your opposite desire. Find.

I want to be rich - I want ... No, no poverty ... - Do not strain! :) (here is 100%).

I want to be happy! - I want to care about me all my life, as about the baby ... And for this, I will still somehow not develop ... Well, I regret me !!!

I want to be healthy! - See above ("I am the most sick person in the world! Do you have more jars of jams?!").

I want reliable (i.e. - predictable :)) a person nearby - I want to be boring - there was no ...

When we do not recognize the existence of some of our desires, because we consider them "bad", we lose control over them (not aware).

And then consciously we do one, and unconsciously directly opposite. Classic: Making lessons when the TV is turned on (I want to focus - I want to relax).

Or: in the color of the years it is diligently to work, but for a small salary (I want to make money - I want to avoid responsibility, change and related risks). Here I do not mean a conscious choice associated with the vocation, family interests, etc.

Or - a person who does not allow the thoughts about what he likes to be and cruel ("I want my child only good!"), May not be aware of (and not controlling !!!) explicit excessiveness of its aggression with the help of homework or in other educational situations.

A wrestler for morality, which is haunted by debauchery, heading the Committee to Combat Pornography and in Feature Pot 8 hours a day forced :) Watch erotic films and magazines.

In a word, or 1), there is still something that we actually want more (but at the same time we are not managed by our lives, but often do not give the report at all, which is really creative),

either 2) "Davim on gas and on the brake at the same time"! As a result, it is not really implemented by any other desire, and "breaking" relationships.

It is meaningless to scold, condemn yourself for their desires. They are all - human, inherent in all people. Any desire "wants" something good and important to you.

Cruelty - to achieve, laziness - protect against overload, meanness - to achieve an important goal at all costs (politicians are also called "pragmatism" :)).

It is not at all that it is for everyone to justify.

Exactly the opposite.

An adult man with attention and respect applies to all his desires. Play the war with me stupid and destroying.

Adult man, respecting all his desires, chooses.

An ideal choice, as a rule, does not exist. Any choice will necessarily attract some "pros" and some "minuses". Responsibility means no one "dump" the negative consequences of its choice.

Do not seek to blame, not refer to the circumstances, but to rake the consequences. Analyzing the reasons for the next choice to do is better.

Wines are always the search for "who is bad?"

Responsibility is the question "What to do in this situation?"

So, a mature man knows what he has, and the surrounding desires - contradictory.

He is not afraid of any desires, belonging to them carefully and with respect.

He can be consciously choosing, which of the contradictory desires to follow. Just because the conscious choice is more often reasonable. And the habit of following a conscious choice allows you to rather achieve the goals (the principle of Genghis Khan: "You are afraid - do not do, do it - do not be afraid!"). This is freedom.

The teenager often comes out "freely", and the consequences of Mom. It is called: "Teenage complex": I should not have anything to anyone, but you, of course, should! :)

Freedom - where responsibility: an understanding of the inevitability of the negative consequences of any choice and willingness to meet with them. No one (including himself) is not accusing, analyzing and making conclusions. Perhaps referring to support, but independently allowing the negative consequences of its choice.

Independence - Freedom to make a choice, i.e. Take non-obvious decisions, and be responsible for their consequences.

We are waiting for the baby - obedient. We are waiting for adult - independent. Obvious and independent simultaneous person does not happen.

Oh, as one smart customer in his serious office told me at all suddenly in this place: so you are talking about the state. I had to agree with him: Well ... perhaps, it is objectively against what is pouring from our GUB ... - about freedom, yes about responsibility ...

A happy person is distinguished by the presence of a healthy appetite for life. He is pleased with the process itself. If you look attentively, it will be easy to see the recipe that combines all such people: 1) they know how to accurately determine what they want 2) they get it. How to understand what I really want?

I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly realized that the transformation, to which I sought for so long, went into my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other satellites of any change - but one change still happened: i knew exactly what I want. And in all spheres of life and on different sections of time.

Wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding that I wonder what I was interested in this life - I would have blurted out without the shadow of doubt where I go. Moreover, with a fair share of specifics. Suggest me to change these goals to others, no less attractive, I would refuse, for my scope and so gives me enough space to straighten your wings. Turning away my life before choosing is a favorite person or these goals, I would choose the second. Since real love will not put such a condition, and everything else is a fake from the dream on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for life and will get rid of the need to act. And for this illusion there is no more place in my life.

This is an interesting feeling - to know what you want and where you go, because it does not cancel the freedom of choice and the opportunity to change their mind, but you know that your choice is made.

Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are connected with your choice.

P. Coelho, Zaire

Tie myself in this choice - this is a true wise step, since it is that the concentration in a single vector helps to pass the stage behind the stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving birth to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this is the only way to have what you want, for those who are not afraid to dream of a large.

If you just describe, the picture looks like this:

- To inspire moves to your desires, they must be big - That is, to have a scope for your soul flight. Global goals give rise to faith in the fact that our possibilities are much wider, thereby discusing the internal potential and giving a tide.

- To walk to big goals - you need timeduring which you will move in the selected side, without changing the directions. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change the goal, change your mind, choose another - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, as well as the law of the cause and effect: every time, starting another, you start a new way, and it also needs to remain long enough, without changing the acute focus.

In order not to succumb to the seduction of choice and do not change its direction - you need to determine exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain moment of life for yourself to decide: "Who am I?" And "Where to go?". Otherwise, people often change their opinions, try many directions at once, they don't succeed anywhere else and generally refuse any attempts, thereby starting a smooth descent down the stairs of their prospects.

If you are ready - you do not need to prepare.

When you decided on the direction, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting opportunities. It is easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep the focus on something one. When this choice is not fully made to the end and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow it all goes without happens), then you float where the wind is drown. I think no one would like us to be on an uncontrolled ship in the ocean or on the raw rod flow without cheerful. So why many like this dangerous approach so much: "Fly by the flow of life without any goals", isn't it obvious that he carries on stones of helpless old age?

Now in Moscow there is a world championship in athletics - how interesting to watch some contests. Look.

What is the essence of the victory of a particular athlete? Someone will say that in diligent training coupled with natural data, but still root deeper - in their choice, it is on one particular sport that they approached them more, and improve it.

Only long and technically correct workouts in one direction can give the necessary result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, the strong body and certain talents could run from the sprint into jumps, from the jumps in the marathon, from the marathon in all-around, calling it looking for themselves. Determine the direction as early as possible - The most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, however, it is already much less people take it into account.

To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving for a long time.

Hence the logical question: Do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?

I did not know for a long time. Rather, incorrectly interpreted its desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, tightly spent by the sea, I realized that I actually want to regularly leave to the sea, and to the mountains, and to the forests, and to the snow, it is necessary, that is, travel a lot in the world, and only in breaks Between something more significant and creative, for example, the development of their project, and to live by the sea is completely optional. The big city is responsible for a much larger amount of my questions than isolated from the world of the island. In his personal life, there were also dreams in the style "Or maybe I will become an excellent hostess and the custodian of the focus and I will not do anything" than pretty smiling my own universe with the relevant lessons.

For each talent will ask us.

But every time, even when the next "want" turned out to be more likely to my fantasy about the beautiful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work by freelancer. I realized that we need to return to Moscow, I moved. I wanted the author's project - and so he is in front of you. It is this movement, and not reflections (!), Gave the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the challenge of idle entertainment, which do not lead anywhere. At some point, real objectives began to gain an increasingly distinct form, leaving overboard all the imposed husks.

This is an illustration of my favorite example with a long climbing in the mountains - you first don't even see the top, but as you approach, with the next observation platform, your review increases and at some point - the goal becomes quite distinguishable. But if you do not set out of the sofa and do not start this way of conscious movement on the edges of your "I want" and "I can", then the top does not ask.

Several tips, how to understand your true desires and gain inspiring goals

0. Tip number "Zero" - Start awareness, to begin with any nearest desire. You need to start moving to the mountain to continue to argue about where in all this magnificence it is my road. If you plan to start and do something, only when you find your way or destination, - you just do not leave for the threshold of your home. This is called "sofa searches yourself", and it is ridiculous.

1. Pay attention to your own desires.

The presence of a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Do not disdain your aspirations. And do not listen to those who say that desire is bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome themselves, or rather, their own ideas about themselves. Desires - vital energy catalysts. Another question is that when the potential remains unrealized, it begins to crush. That is why desires in every sense is useful to fulfill.

The difference between the true dream or "public", that is, imposed, most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Be prepared by K. power and Error Stage, especially if they grew up in a strongly "stort" environment, but this stage is also very productive.

Most often, I come with letters in the style "how to make everything to change, but not mistaken." That's the point that there is no way. Yes, you may be mistaken, but even a mistake with sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will benefit, because it will remove the next layer of Shore from the eye, which is never seen if you do not try.

Loser, this is the one who did not even try because of fear of failure.

It was the mistakes that led me to the very observation platform where I could clearly see what I want: who to be, what to go. And the bonus is an understanding of what no longer intends to tolerate.

2. Find the jack between desires and abilities

A single vector about which was discussed is very often at the junction "I want" and "I can". That is, it is not just your current abilities, but multiplied to great desires. What you have tendency and talents, but in the context of a big dream. This conscious development of its abilities in skill, which allows to carry out the most bold desires. As soon as they click this junction - give him priority. Nothing does not make a person internally holistic and calm, as a distinct understanding where he goes.

3. The biggest goal should always have a point of contact with the moment now

The goal is different from the fanner only the presence of real steps is already now in the selected direction. In all other cases, if you want, but do not, is no more than a children's dream, which is unlikely to come true.

To walk somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner we define with him, the clearer everything that happens around. I wish you to realize it and choose from the whole manifold.