How to overcome the fear of communication. I'm afraid to call strangers

Fear of telephones is one of many social phobias that greatly complicate a person’s life in society. The rhythm of modern life dictates some rules and conditions to people. Now it is impossible to imagine our life without a mobile. But for a person with telephobia, one thought of talking on the phone leads to a state of panic.

Telephobia - fear of talking on the phone

In order to live a full life and not hide from the world, such a person needs qualified psychological assistance, as well as moral support from relatives or close friends. Sometimes it is impossible to do without medication for phobia.

What is telephobia

Fear of talking on the phone is called telephobia. It affects about 19% of the world's population. A person experiences a panicky, obsessive fear not only from talking on the phone, but also at the sight of the device itself. Even the sound of a call makes him fear, and picking up the phone and calling on his own is very difficult for him.

Causes

The starting point for the development of telephobia is some kind of emotional upheaval or fright associated with the telephone or talking on it. This phobia is relatively new and has progressed significantly with the development of mobile communications. Fear is most likely associated not with the device itself, but with what can be expected from conversations on it. The fear of telephone conversations lies in the expectation that a person will be able to hear bad news or learn by phone about the loss of a loved one.

The causes of fear most often come from childhood. A small child can observe how one of the parents or relatives swears on the phone or how the information hears is very frustrating for the adult.

Often the child is afraid that mom or dad will be called to work by a call and they will have to leave. Such mixed feelings remain in the memory for a long time, and later settle in the subconscious.

A person may not even remember these cases from his childhood, but the anxiety associated with the need to talk on this means of communication remains in him. Shock can occur not only in childhood, but also in more adult. The reasons do not change.

Symptoms

Like any phobia, the fear of the phone has a number of typical symptoms. They occur at the somatic level and are controlled by hormones secreted by the endocrine glands. Symptoms include:

heart palpitations;
increase in blood pressure;
ripple in the temples;
headache:
dizziness;
increased sweating;
nausea;
weakness;
drowsiness or insomnia.

All the symptoms indicate that the object of fear provokes all protective mechanisms in the patient's body. Panic attacks and excessive aggressiveness towards others are also possible.

In people with telephobia, atypical symptoms can also be distinguished. They are characteristic only for this phobia and are not observed with other phobias. First of all, it is a person’s attempts to avoid visiting those places where you can see the phone or hear his call.

Today it is quite difficult to do this, so a person is forced to stay in a safe place, in his opinion, for most of his life: they sit out at home, hiding from the world and people.

Sometimes a phobia takes on a lighter form and a person is afraid to talk only with strangers. In this case, the phobia practically does not need treatment and the person is able to cope with it independently.

Palpitations - a symptom of a phobia

How does a phobia progress?

If the phobia is not treated, the fear is driven deeper, this will only aggravate the situation. Telephobia can develop with related fears such as: sociophobia - fear of people and society, agnosophobia - fear of the unknown, agoraphobia - fear of public places. They not only complicate the treatment process, but also significantly delay it, because the specialist will have to examine each of the phobias separately.

A constant feeling of anxiety leads to emotional exhaustion, and the lingering stress that a person experiences from each meeting with the phone, in many cases leads to lingering depression. Depressive disorder pushes the patient to rash acts - suicide, aggression towards others, etc.

Phone fear leads to emotional exhaustion

How to deal with telephobia

In order to get rid of annoying fear and begin to live a full life, people with a severe form of telephobia are recommended to consult a specialist. An experienced psychotherapist can not only identify the cause of fear, but also select the right treatment, depending on the mental condition of the patient.

Psychotherapy

If we talk about telephobia, as an escape from the problems of the real world, it is important for the patient to show that because of such an escape, the problems do not disappear, but only temporarily hide. The patient is informed that the ignorance is much worse than the truth, even the most bitter. There are several methods to combat the fear of phone calls:

Cognitive method. Overcoming fear helps a direct encounter with an irritant. The doctor suggests making short calls to family members. As a consolidation of the behavioral reaction, the interlocutors should inform the patient only good and joyful news.
The method of an imaginary interlocutor - suitable for those who are afraid to communicate over the phone with strangers. The therapist teaches his patient how to distinguish an ordinary person from an ill-wisher by the timbre of voice, the manner in which information and intonation are presented. Possession of this information makes a person more confident. Some experts recommend looking at nice pictures or photos during a call. It calms and relaxes a person.
Rationalization of fear - is used only with minor anxiety-phobic disorder or as an additional therapy. Talks are held with the patient that the call itself is not dangerous and if there is an ill-wisher on the other end of the wire, then the call can be quickly and simply stopped.
Hypnosis - on a subconscious level, the concepts and reactions associated with the phone are replaced.
Psychoanalysis - copes with any degree of phobia, but it takes a long time. The doctor in the process of the session finds out the traumatic factor, which became the "anchor" for the development of phobia.

Only experienced professionals are able to make the correct diagnosis and find ways to deal with it. Self-medication, especially in severe forms of phobia, can greatly aggravate the situation.

Drug treatment

In severe forms of anxiety-phobic disorder, sedatives may be prescribed to the patient. This is especially true in cases of severe stress. The therapist can prescribe medications for the following groups:

tranquilizers;
nootropics;
antidepressants.

They reduce the activity of the nervous system, have sleeping pills. This may affect work or school. Modern tranquilizers do not cause such side effects, but they are also much more expensive.

Tranquilizers are most often taken with an urgent need to call someone. They are taken a few hours before. But it also happens that talking on the phone and answering stranger questions is necessary right now and there is no time for the action of the pills. In this case, nootropics are taken for some time, most often in two-week courses with a weekly break.

Antidepressants are more likely a concomitant drug aimed at improving the overall psychophysical state of a person. Patients in this case are recovering faster.

Medicines are prescribed for acute forms of the disease

Phytotherapy

Those who cannot take medications for medical reasons are prescribed herbal treatments. Special sedative preparations are available in the form of herbs, disposable brewing sachets, tablets, syrups, tinctures. The most effective are:

chamomile, linden and hypericum flowers;
root of lily of the valley and valerian;
grass motherwort and hypericum;
leaves and shoots of mint and lemon balm.

You can take a decoction of these herbs for women during pregnancy and young children without harming their health. The only drawback of herbal medicine is the cumulative nature of its action. This means that to obtain visible results, you must take medication for at least three to four weeks. You should not use herbal medicine if a person has an individual intolerance to the components or problems with the liver, kidneys and joints. Before starting treatment, you should consult your doctor.

Peppermint Tea - A Natural Sedative

Conclusion

Fear of making a phone call can be fatal when it comes to calling an ambulance, the Ministry of Emergencies or the police. Even in critical situations, a person suffering from telephobia will not be able to force himself to speak on the phone, especially with an unfamiliar subject.

When treating this variety of social fears, the patient urgently needs support from people close to him. Do not brush it off, dumping everything on suspiciousness and impressionability. A patient with telephobia does not just pretend, but is really afraid to talk on the phone. Ignoring these problems can plunge a person into deep depression and even lead to suicide.

Every time you need to call a stranger, and even more so in the organization, you feel insecurity, internal discomfort, the language begins to treacherously crumple words and stutter, which means you are one of those who are afraid of telephone conversations.

I used to be afraid too, I was scared to even think about the need to dial someone’s number and tell the invisible subscriber that I need something from him. (live it was always easier for me to communicate).

This went on long enough until I changed jobs.
Coming to a new company meant for me daily telephone conversations, communication with ordinary clerks, with their bosses, company presidents, lawyers, and with anyone, every single day and in huge numbers.

Who would know what it cost meEach trip to work caused a feeling of tension, each call turned around with a broken breath and tingling on the skin.
This could go on, but I had to learn fast, and it occurred to me put your fear apart and pull yourself together.

My problem is that I'm afraid of everything, I can’t call or go somewhere to find out something. I have a frantic fear that breaks me. Now practice has begun for everyone except me, because I have not found a place. I’m a lawyer, it does sound proud, but I have nowhere to go through the practice, the thing is that I tried to find (1 they told me to wait for the call and didn’t say anything until the last, I called, they said we’ll know we’ll call back and ... silence. I called another company, it was worth the effort ... they said do not expect to call back, since no one wants to engage trainees) imagine my condition I don’t know what to do and not only now, but then ... I'm at a standstill .

My fear is harming me, I know everything consciously ... but I can’t do anything with myself .. terrible thoughts go into my head, damn why is it so difficult to live ????
Support the site:

yuka, age: 01/21/2013

Feedback:

Yuka, do not wait until the fear disappears. Act, fear and act. We are afraid of the unknown, but when we rush into this most unknown, it becomes famous and ceases to frighten.
When you just start acting independently in life, a lot of things frighten me. Do you know how I did in my youth when I had to go to an unfamiliar place, call or talk with strangers? I acted out of my role at the moment. If, for example, I need to call many people at work, I called not like me, but as an employee of the company. When you call about the practice, do not think of yourself as "I, Yuka, 21 years old," but as a student who needs to undergo practice. And just get yours and that’s it. Does a student need practice? I need it. She calls and searches. The natural situation.
This is at first. And then, when you have gained experience in communication, you will not even notice - you need to call - call, you need to talk - talk. Fear will go away when communication becomes a habit ...

Nelly, age: ** / 01/15/2013

Yuka, hi. I read your story and so wanted to help, hug, support. But here is your personal battle. Believe me, no one can defeat this fear for you. We can give advice, customize you. Everything else is yours. Let’s write to the forum, there you will tell about your problem, they will help there. Read the book "Shyness" by Philip Zimbardo. Well, let's not lose heart, you and I.

san Sanych, age: 01/19/2013

Yuka, tell me what thoughts arise when you, for example, are going to call?

san Sanych, age: 1/16/2013

I, too, was wildly afraid to call and before
still do not like to do it, especially to call
all kinds of organizations. Father literally forced
call me every nonsense, even say "C
you want to talk so-and-so ... (his name) ",
although I thought, "Why is he not
will call? "

But she got used to it slowly. I understand that
the only option for me to overcome
shyness - make a list. I even like that
I did lists when I had to call
favorite guy.

You write the first phrase on a piece of paper and from it two
arrows: if they answer that way, you answer here
so, if they answer differently, you answer by
to another. The whole scheme turned out)) and helped.
Although on the third branch the conversation began to stick
)

Sasha, age: 1/16/2013

Actually a big problem in my opinion
not in your fear. Most likely you are afraid
call talk to people just from
insufficient communication experience or from
self-doubt. Quite a long time ago I took
note that if something bothers me, I
must get rid of this. I study
on a journalist and me by virtue of a profession too
have to commit a large number
negotiations, live, telephone. Once i like
and you were afraid to make even a telephone
the call .. I thought over my speech for a long time,
practiced. But then I realized that for that
the side of the phone or is standing in front of me the same
a man like me. He also has two hands, two
legs, he just like I started with something .. so
why am I afraid of him? It is still unknown who in
com is more interested. Didn't open this door
knock on another. Always get what you want. ABOUT
my first practice I really do not like
remember. I practiced in one very
famous newspaper, and the whole editorial staff as if me
have not noticed. I did not know how, but at the same time
they demanded of me all at once (though
that I studied for exactly two weeks, I am an extramural student).
Do not be afraid of anyone, all people are the same.
self-confidence is your main problem. Break your complexes.
Good luck to you. And you have a very beautiful name. I want so
name daughter)

Fairy tale, age: 1/16/2013

I, too, am terribly afraid of practice, not to mention work: my palms are sweating, my face is red, I suddenly forget everything at first, but still I act and a lot is obtained, although with incredible work and emotional stress.

kristina, age: 09/26/2013

Previous request Next request
Return to the beginning of the section

When working as a telephone operator, it doesn’t matter where, in the call center or at home operator, absolutely everyone, at the beginning of their career, experiences real stress. The voice is trembling, the words are confused, the hands are “moving with a shaker”.

Fear of people. This condition cannot be called in any other way. A person calmly communicates with neighbors, passers-by, and with everyone, but not on the phone. That is, on the phone with a girlfriend, we are able to “crack” for hours, but with strangers we are simply “jammed”. This is a consequence of the real fear of communication.

Fears, unfortunately, are real and even natural things. However, of course, you can be afraid of sharks, bandits, heights, and then PHONE! Before you lies the text to be voiced, dial the number and say what you need. In addition, on the "other side of the wire" is a person whom you have never seen, and you will not see at all, and by and large you absolutely do not care what mood he is there. But no! Scary and that's it. What is it like fear of public speaking, only the legs do not give way, and that’s because you are sitting on a chair.

By the way, psychologists compare the fear of calling strangers with the news of the loss of a loved one. That is about the same psychological load. Every online operator goes through all these tests. It is clear that no one will leave you to "tear" you up, that they will train you, but you will need to cope with your first fear yourself.

How to defeat the fear of talking on the phone

The first pancake will still be lumpy, so no matter how it goes out there, pick up the handset or mobile phone and call. Overcome fear with action. You see - a few calls and you're normal. There will be self-confidence and fear of the unknown will evaporate.
You need to understand that the interlocutors will be different and the louts will also be, so you need to learn not to “wrap yourself in” a bad impression of the conversation, but to throw it away.
And in this regard, the number of calls matters. The more you call, the more confident you feel. Unsuccessful negotiations are not the end of the world, this is another little experience and EVERYTHING!
So that you are not “knocked off” in a conversation, get ready for it in advance. Study the topic, and even if the script does not answer the possible question, still prepare for it. Feel like “fish in water” and fear of communication will blow like a haze.
You need to start your day with those calls that are less important and as you gain confidence, move on to complex calls. That is, we give ourselves the opportunity to come to our senses, “tune in” a little bit, and then, with full dedication, we will be rehabilitated.
There will be rudeness, and arrogance, and open aggression. Well, it's like in public transport at rush hour. You left it and immediately forgot about it, because other thoughts already occupy you, and other things await. So with the calls. Well, his wife does not like your interlocutor, so this is his problem! They politely said goodbye and went on.
If your task is not just a cold call, but a sale or some other offer, then be prepared to often hear rejections. The word "no" will be an integral part of the conversation. This is precisely how you perceive these very failures as an absolutely normal process, and not at all the end of the world. And know that every “No” is just one more step towards a full-fledged “Yes”. According to statistics, to hear one “yes”, you have to go through a hundred “no."
Learn to enjoy talking on the phone with strangers. It is clear, now it seems to you that this is completely unrealistic, but be sure that this process can be very entertaining. Of the many dialogs with clients, we add up jokes, and with pleasure, in any company we retell many situations to the general laughter.

So we’ll no longer be happy when the wires are busy on the other side or the phone is not picked up.

We need to understand what a phone call is for.

In many areas of business, a phone call is the basis of success (strange, but true).

Any phone call has a purpose — it can be getting some information, making an appointment, selling, etc. Therefore, it is important to make this call correctly.

How to make a call

To do this, you need:

Tune in positively (a good mood is “heard” over the phone), if the mood is so-so - work on it, it won’t take much time (Internet: jokes, jokes, gossip - all that the soul asks for).
Watch the tone of your voice. Talking on the phone, the interlocutor does not see us, he cannot make an impression of us with the help of the organs of vision, touch, smell. We can please him only through his intonation. By the way, he receives 86% of the meaning of our message, based on our intonation and 14% of our words.So with our voice we not only influence perception, but also create the mood of the interlocutor.
When talking with a customer, be sure to smile! A smile, like a good mood, is “heard” on the phone.
Never interrupt the interlocutor in a nutshell. Let him speak, learn to listen, and at the same time mentally repeat his words and phrases in his head. So it will be easier for you to understand and remember what your interlocutor says.
Try to adapt to the speed of the interlocutor's speech. It is proved that a person perceives information at the same speed with which he speaks. So adapt to the pace of his speech as much as possible, create comfortable conditions for him when communicating with you.
Do not be distracted during a telephone conversation absolutely no matter what! And even more so do not chew, do not sip coffee. Focus only on the client, on his mood, his questions, etc. Show the client that you value his time.

Fear of calling a potential client, when applying for a job, to a hospital, to strangers - which of us has never experienced this feeling? Modern psychologists have even managed to come up with a special term: “telephobia,” which, incidentally, has already become fashionable. We are afraid to call neighbors and relatives with a request, we are afraid to invite a person we are interested in on a date, dinner in a restaurant or a business meeting.

Why is this happening?

The first and most obvious reason for the origin of the fear of telephone calls is, oddly enough, related to the spread of so-called “virtual communication”. It would seem that more recently mobile phones have appeared, which should, on the contrary, help us to actively call each other and not be afraid to do this. But the fact is that people are used to using mobile devices for writing. Today, in the age of the Internet, we try to write more often than to make calls and get used to correspondence, rather than voice communication. Therefore, there is a natural fear of calls.

The second reason is determined by the negative scenarios that many draw in their heads before a call. They have not called yet, but they have already predicted in advance what will happen. Like in a joke: now I will knock on her, she will open the door and invite her to tea, then we will lie in bed, she will become pregnant, I will have to marry her! So it is here - we pre-program ourselves for failure. But why?

It is worth noting that such a feature is characteristic, first of all, of suspicious and disturbing individuals, with low self-esteem, who are afraid to be rejected. They do not want to pick up the phone and dial the number due to the fact that they are afraid of anger or simply the lack of an answer on the other end of the wire.

They mistakenly associate the inadequate reaction of the interlocutor with themselves. Whereas in fact, the reason, as a rule, is outside. A person may simply be nervous, or he may be busy and not enough sleep, and in the same way he would respond to another. Remember that a happy person is always friendly and will be glad to your call at any time of the day.

The third reason is the fear of action, which is typical primarily for passive and. It is treated simply: by the action itself. Call. And even if they don’t answer you, you will immediately notice that the fear has already passed. Resetting your beep does not mean that you don’t want to talk to you. There will be free time and opportunity - they will call you back.

Often the fear of calls arises for another reason - you do not know what you can talk about on the phone. The indicated drawback is traditionally associated with underdeveloped social skills. Read how to solve this problem.

If the call is personal, it is useful to completely forget about yourself and take the place of the interlocutor before the conversation. Imagine how a person spent today, what events he could have at work, whether he returned home tired, what he did after work in the evening. Think about whether your company really pleases him - and only then decide whether to call.

If you want to call an ad for a job, first make a list of questions that you are going to ask the manager. Just in case, come up with a couple of help phrases so that you can drag out time at the time of unexpected questions. Finally, make a few preliminary calibration calls, for example, to friends or relatives, this will reduce the fear of calling the employer.

A very important point. Try to start any telephone conversation in a friendly, calm and friendly tone. At the beginning of the conversation ask “how are you?”, Think in advance about what you can ask the interlocutor, what compliments he can make. In particular, girls like it when they refer to their pleasant voice, and young people - to the way they interestingly speak.

If you are having difficulty compiling questions, read the book How to Learn Absolutely Everything About Any Person. 2000 questions for the best person in the world. ” The author is Anna Sergeeva.

Remember that fear of a call is natural. All people without exception experience it. We all worry to some extent in the process of telephone conversations, especially with strangers. This is normal.

State the purpose of the call if a short conversation is planned. Repeat it to yourself several times. This will help reduce anxiety during a conversation and tune in to the right wave.

Exercise regularly. Every day, call for any questions - to the help desks, to the organization, to the library, to announcements, etc. This, firstly, will allow you to develop conversation skills, and secondly, will make telephone conversations more familiar to you.

Before calls, do the exercise “Deep breathing”. Take a deep breath, hold your breath and, at the count of 6 or 8, exhale slowly. Repeat the cycle several times.

Time to call. In order not to run into a “promise”, observe telephone etiquette. On weekdays, it is allowed to call from 8.00 to 22.00. On weekends - after 10.00. But if you want to disturb a person who has small children in the house, it is better to pick up the phone no later than 21.00. At a later time, you can call only very close people (friends, relatives), and even then - for urgent needs. And do not forget that most people are more comfortable talking at lunchtime.

Record the result of each call. Both successful and unsuccessful. This will help to avoid repeating mistakes and draw important and useful conclusions for the future.