How to survive a midlife crisis? The concept of midlife crisis.

More recently, women did not think about a midlife crisis and did not associate changes in their behavior with it. It was believed that absurd actions and gloomy thoughts are peculiar only to men. But, as it turned out, women are also prone to crisis.

What psychologists say

The midlife crisis in women, as in men, is associated with an internal problem, which is characterized by the loss of the meaning of life. A person falls into a state in which his personality ceases to function as before. The usual patterns of behavior stop working and bring satisfaction. The crisis is associated with the reappraisal of all values, which occurs as a result of the accumulation of life experience and new outlooks on life. As a rule, this period falls on 30-40 years. Naturally, a deviation up or down is perfectly acceptable. This condition is very similar to that experienced by a teenager in puberty.

But the midlife crisis is different in that a woman needs to leave it, as a rule, on her own, and no one can give her practical advice, as in youth. In fact, no one cares about female experiences: parents are old or no longer in this world, children are busy with their problems, a man considers all this a whim. Women have no choice but to rebel inside themselves and with their own hands to pull themselves out of this swamp.

Features of midlife crisis in women

How the middle-aged crisis in women will proceed depends on what priorities have been up to now. If the main goal is to provide the husband and children with comfort, then depression can cover when the children no longer need constant care and care. Divorce can also cause a reassessment of life and an incentive to change the usual way.

If a woman is torn between work and family, then she evaluates herself in two ways. Naturally, that’s how she is more critical of herself, because it’s very difficult to manage. Therefore, the bar is very high and it is quite difficult to hold it.

As practice shows, it is most difficult for women who have no children to survive the crisis. They are worried about the obsession that they have lived a life in vain. In addition, some shortcomings can be justified by children: all my free time was spent on upbringing and care, and there was no strength left to engage in my own life.

How does the crisis begin?

Psychologists believe that age-related crises in women are a rather serious phenomenon, therefore they pay a lot of attention to the problem. Specialists are looking for ways out of depression and are developing comprehensive treatment. This is due to the understanding that since the psyche gives signals, it means that it is necessary to respond to them in a timely manner and not to ignore the problem.

Symptoms of age-related changes in the psyche

There are basic signs by which a woman can understand that she needs to take time for herself. To determine whether there is a midlife crisis in women, the symptoms must be considered in combination:

Unwillingness to do anything, boredom.
Change of partner or inconsistency in a relationship.
The desire to change jobs.
Unreasonable mood swings, intense despair give way to unmotivated fun.
Constant anxiety and depression.
Propensity for self-digging, self-derogatory thoughts and actions.
Attempts to radically change your life, from appearance to residence.

If the symptoms are observed separately, then it is too early to say that this is a female midlife crisis. But when the signs are present in the aggregate, you should be wary and reflect. Depressed depression can negatively affect all areas of life, it does not have the best effect on relationships with her husband, children, colleagues and other people.

Reasons for the crisis

It is almost impossible to say unequivocally what causes a midlife crisis in women can cause. But experts identify a number of basic factors that can trigger such a phenomenon.

Children and motherhood

It often happens that women strive primarily to realize themselves in work and forget about their main mission - to be a mother. Sometimes they are so obsessed with the desire to give birth that all the other colors of life for them simply fade. Such an idea of \u200b\u200bfixation will lead to depression and a deep crisis after some time. There is only one way out of this situation: a woman needs to give birth, and then she will have a sense of life and a desire to enjoy every day.

Career and self-realization

The age crisis in women associated with their work and self-realization is very reminiscent of male depression. Constant bustle, running around and a catastrophic lack of time lead to a gloomy mood and cause stress. If nothing is done, depression will not keep you waiting. To avoid this outcome, you need to diversify your leisure: you can do dancing or learn how to embroider. Occupation can be absolutely any, the main thing - it should bring pleasure and joy.

Housewife problems

A housewife who has devoted half her life to her husband and children, by the age of 30-40, runs the risk of knowing firsthand what middle-aged women are. Her complexes are connected with the fact that she was not able to achieve success and be realized in the profession. Self-doubt makes a woman completely dependent on the family, which causes her suffering. This can occur in the struggle for attention to your person, frequent nit-picking on trifles and various unreasonable requirements. Sometimes a woman can even get sick. The best way out is to find a job that will be fun.

Relations with her husband during this period often come to a standstill, and the family loses its former value. To avoid this, you need to realize that the spouse may also have experiences and problems, that he is a separate person, who also needs understanding and sympathy. Family is a daily work, and if it is done with pleasure, the result will not be long in coming.

External changes

Women are very sensitive to any external manifestations of their age. A new wrinkle or gray hair can ruin their mood for a long time. Natural changes that occur in the body are difficult to correct, so women fall into despair.

Those women who are accustomed to be in the center of male attention and arouse admiration are particularly acute at age-related changes. And they have no choice but to learn how to be attractive in their 40s and 60s. To achieve this, youth outfits and makeup will not be enough. You need to radiate inner confidence in your irresistibility and love yourself at any age. No need to compete with girls of 20 years, sometimes an experienced woman looks much sexier.

Hormone effect

A woman should realize that now she is on the verge of a new life, therefore, all horizons are open for her, just find your way. Often people waste time building castles in the air.

At this age, women experience hormonal changes, which, of course, entail dramatic changes in mood. You don’t have to give in to emotions and come up with those problems that actually do not exist. Women tend to exaggerate and wind themselves up. But this will not lead to anything good, it will only provoke new stress. No need to compare yourself with others and girlfriends, it is important to work on yourself and change your attitude to yourself.

How to help yourself?

When looking for ways out of the crisis, do not forget that there is time to think, and there is time to do. Perhaps now it’s better to lie low and be alone with yourself without taking any action. At this time, absent-mindedness and emptiness may be present, so making decisions adequately is very difficult. During the crisis, internal work is done, which is no less important.

The transition period cannot last very long; sooner or later it will end. But do not confuse the crisis with depression, which does not always go away on its own. In this case, you may need the help of specialists. After the tipping point ends, the woman feels relief and a surge of strength for new achievements.

Healthy habits

To stay young and full of energy longer, you need to rethink your diet and habits. Useful products will help you feel active and cheerful, fill the body with strength. Maintaining psychological youth as long as possible is very important. Then interest in life will not disappear, and everyday little things will bring joy. The diet must be filled with green and yellow vegetables, cereals and legumes.

Daily exercise is a great way to cheer up and distract from problems. In addition, this will have a beneficial effect on the appearance: the muscles will tighten, and the fat deposits will begin to disappear. To stay healthy longer, you should limit fatty foods, alcohol, stop smoking and not overeat. These steps will help you figure out how to survive a midlife crisis easily.

Communication with loved ones

The turning point makes it possible to evaluate the past years from the perspective of the experience gained and to summarize the results of one's actions. Depending on the verdict that a woman will make, one can make adjustments to life or radically change the usual way.

Trainings and seminars

To successfully deal with stress, you need to understand what a midlife crisis in women is. If changing your condition yourself is very difficult, you can contact a specialist. Thematic seminars and trainings help a lot. There they will teach a woman how to solve complex problems and set new goals, how to find peace and recharge your batteries. Such trainings will help you become happy and find your calling in life.

What problems can a woman face at the turn of 40?

The crisis of 40 years for women gives them the opportunity to think about their lives, to evaluate how they managed to realize their desires and what goals should be set for the near future. Surely every woman has something to be proud of, there is something to improve, and there is something that needs to be completely eliminated.

If feelings of shame, guilt and grief associated with unfulfilled hopes are strong enough, experts advise taking time and crying. After you grieve about missed opportunities, the negative will spill out, and it will be possible to set goals with renewed vigor.

Do not focus on what has not come true. It’s better to praise yourself for what you did. It must be understood that not all dreams come true, and sometimes life does not work out as you would like in childhood.

For age-related crises in women to be less painful, do not judge yourself too harshly. People often want to do everything in the highest rank, but this does not always work. It is very important to correctly prioritize and emphasize in order to notice not only failures, but also victories. A crisis always entails a restructuring of the personality, so you should be more careful about what the inner voice whispers.

50 years of tipping point

The crisis of 50 years in women can manifest itself in a slightly different way than in 30-40 years. The woman is already accustomed to her new body, resigned to the fact that age-related changes are inevitable, and menopause is taken for granted. This period, experts call the "new identity." According to statistics, at this age a woman can cheat on her husband or commit another act that can ruin her life. To avoid trouble, you must always remember that fleeting stupidity is not worth it to cross out all achievements. You need to learn to enjoy what is, and strive for the best, without destroying your past.

Can a crisis be avoided?

Some women manage to avoid a crisis, but this is rather the exception. In such a crucial stage of life, it is necessary to find advantages: if you properly analyze the circumstances, you can change your life for the better and fill it with new meaning.

Psychologists argue that the more difficult the crisis, the greater the personal leap a woman can make. The main thing is not to be afraid of changes and look forward with optimism.

As expressed by a midlife crisis in men and ways that will help a man cope with depression in a given period.

Have women ever experienced situations when a once cheerful and cheerful loved one suddenly becomes gloomy and irritable? Frequent depression already seems to you the norm? Congratulations, your chosen one smoothly passed into middle age and felt the crisis of this period. Let's figure it out together what time it is and how to deal with it.

What is a midlife crisis in men?

Not all women really appreciate the situation that a man found himself in during a midlife crisis. It seems to wives that all this is a trifle and nonsense. But for a man, this is deeply psychological stress.

Indeed, it was during this period, in the understanding of a man, that he ceased to be a reckless guy (even if he had been married for 10 years), and he became a serious and responsible man. And if the wife does not support and reassure the man, then he can not only close himself, but even go into a long bout or find solace in another woman.

What is a midlife crisis? It’s actually just a certain milestone in which a man already has a status, family and a certain circle of friends. But for a man, the crisis has its own specific nuances.

He suddenly realizes that already half of his life is behind and is eyeing what he has. In addition, she looks very meticulously - the car could have been better, the house is bigger, the wife is more beautiful. And here she is, depression has come.

By his personal standards, everything that he achieved is very modest. Again, he recalls his mistakes, which were at the time, in his opinion, youth. And realizing that not all of them were corrected, he is even sadder.

The next step is the revaluation of values. Now, what I wanted to achieve earlier does not seem so desirable. And what is desired is very unrealistic. It becomes unclear to the man what he needs and how to get it.

In addition, the man believes that he is still hoo and should do better than the young guys at work, in the gym during training. And when for some reason this does not happen, then a wave of negative emotions just covers the man. And going up to the mirror, and seeing a pair of new wrinkles or gray hair along with the emerging fox, the man loses the remnants of optimism.

Signs and symptoms of a midlife crisis in men at 30, 33, 35, 40, 45, 50, 52 years after

So, let's look at how men look and feel during a midlife crisis. It is also important to consider that it does not last a week, not a month, but can last several years.

The behavior of men changes dramatically. There is no longer that merry fellow - a gloomy depressive man appeared. The previously calm guys, on the contrary, become the soul of the company, can unnecessarily join the alcohol.
The man now goes to work very reluctantly. After all, 20 years ago he dreamed that he would become the head of the holding, but it turned out that now he is only a manager in a trading company. But he really understands that achieving something will already be more difficult than at the age of 20. If you do not support the man on time, then he can get to the dismissal from work.
Accompanied by a worsening of the psychological state, in a man there is a deterioration in physical health. After all, as has long been proven, all problems are from nerves. And worrying about any failures, the man is faced with poor health.
A man becomes unhappy for any reason - beloved borscht is now not salted and sour, the beautiful wife suddenly found her stomach and cellulite. And he turns into an old man. These thoughts simply overwhelm a man with a heavy load.

From 30 to 33 years, a man has another crisis period, when he gains complete independence and freedom. And it is very important not to let the man savor freedom, because if he is married, then this union will weigh him down. Free people, gaining freedom, will not want to burden themselves with family ties.

From time immemorial, man was a breadwinner and warrior. But over time, the biological clock, ticking, led the guy to irreversible aging processes. This is where the crisis arose, because realizing that youth is passing, they also appear:

Prostration
Hormonal changes
Decreased libido and, as a result, potency
Weight gain

The middle-aged crisis in men can be compared to menopause in women. This can be attributed to low testosterone levels in the blood. But men absolutely do not want to lose their former successes, including sexually. Therefore often after 35 years they have a few more ladies of heart.

Thus, a man first of all proves to himself that he can still attract the attention of women. That is, it simply asserts itself.

And if before 35 years old men seek themselves and achieve certain goals, then after 40 they already consider and evaluate everything that they have achieved. And according to psychologists, a man at 40-45 years old wants to see herself like this:

In career - a warrior-winner
In the family - as the head and earner
Steering wheel - only an upscale car and a powerful yacht
In society - recognition and admiration

And if all this is achieved, then the man does not have joy. Again, by the age of 50, more and more fears arise. What to do next? Buy another car or house, go to the resort. But all this somehow does not cause what may cause delight among many.

And the wife, as it seems to him, no longer admires his successes. And buying another coat is considered a given, without gratitude in the eyes.

In addition, from 40 to 55 years, a man is terribly tormented by one thought - he may lose potency. And without this, according to the powers that be, they already mean nothing. And here begins, as in the well-known saying “gray hair in a beard, a demon in a rib”.

Young lovers, in the opinion of an aged man, stimulate his libido and improve potency. But here is the mistake men make - they think that it is the deterioration in potency that cooled their family life and support it with the help of young girls. But it is the presence of a mistress (a rare woman who does not know about a rival) that worsens her personal life.

After all, a woman also worries that she is not as fresh as before. And maybe the man has lost interest in her. So it turns out a snowball out of misunderstanding, which can destroy the family.

It is important to be patient, because a man can have a crisis from 3 to 5 years. And often the outcome of this period depends on the wise behavior of relatives and wife. After all, endurance of a wife and children will help a man return to his family and to the familiar circle. And not the desire to understand the psychological disorders of the husband leads to the breakup of the family.

When a middle-aged crisis in men begins and ends, how long does it last?

As we found out earlier, a midlife crisis is a very individual period that can begin both at 30 and 50 years old. It all depends on the inner mood of the man and his values \u200b\u200b- family, children, successful work.

The less values \u200b\u200ba man has, the earlier and longer in time the crisis period can continue. Therefore, it is important to identify the cause in time and take comprehensive measures to eliminate partner depression. The wife needs to conduct conversations with her husband, support him, and connect the children to a joint time.

It is important for a man to understand that he is not alone and everything is in his power. Only in this case, the middle-aged crisis will pass for the man quickly and with the least emotional experience. If the wife and children alone cannot help the man, then you may have to seek help from a psychologist.

Middle-aged crisis in men - depression: how to survive, how to get out of it?

Depression in a midlife crisis is a phenomenon that will not surprise anyone. But you have to overcome it. Let's figure out how to do this.

Let's consider everything in stages:

Problems at work - low salary, eternally displeased leadership, envious colleagues.

In this case, you need to find out if you need this type of activity. Maybe you should take a short vacation and look for a new job. Yes, it is difficult and it can even be scary to start something all over again. But is it worse than going to the service, as to hard labor. Or maybe you will try to work for yourself. It is only necessary to determine the field of activity and not to give in.

Problems with wife - misunderstanding, scandals.

It is important here not to be selfish. Review your behavior, because not only a woman is not right in everything. Think about the best way to smooth out a particular situation. Take a step towards and get two steps in response.

But if a man himself can not cope with depression and the situation only worsens, then you need to visit a specialist. An experienced psychologist will be able to help, find common ground and solutions to the problem.

In addition, if the depression is deep, then the therapist can resort to medical treatment.

IMPORTANT: Only a psychotherapist should carry out drug treatment. No need to treat a man with medicines that have helped a relative or colleague. The choice of drug is selected individually taking into account the degree of depression.

Medication may consist of:

Antidepressants of which there are a great many. All of them contribute to the elimination of anxiety, depression. They also improve sleep and appetite.
Tranquilizers, which are used at the beginning of treatment with a short course. The effect of taking the drugs occurs after about 2 weeks.
Mood stabilizers. These drugs eliminate the depressive disorder and stabilize mood. After taking the man, there will be no mood swings in the depressive direction.
Vitamins - to normalize the nervous system, use vitamin B.

Middle-aged crisis in men - mistresses, leaving the family: what should a woman do?

Every woman faced a midlife crisis in a man. Very often, a man finds a solution to the problem in a new hobby, a young girl who will raise his mood and not only.

The result of this cheating is often divorce, and most often at the initiative of his wife. But in vain, because going to the side, a man never at first thinks about leaving his family. A man after 35 in this case can look for new positive emotions and a sexual charge, no more. And no matter how the wives think of eternal love, but the man is fed up with family ties and is looking for fire on the side.

But many men aged 40 recognize that their wife is completely satisfied as a companion, mistress and mother. And the girl on the side is just a temporary hobby. And during leisure time with his mistress, a man first of all thinks about maintaining secrets. After all, he is an excellent family man, careerist and caring father. And if that happens, then the combination of lover + wife brings him a positive emotional outburst.

But all the secret once becomes apparent and the time comes when the wife from the "well-wishers" learns about the betrayal. And very often the lover herself informs about this, thinking that, in this way, the man will get her alone. Not every woman is ready to be in the background all her life.

And if the betrayal had not been denounced, then after a year or two the man was tired of the young passion, and he returned to the quiet family shore. But in life there are unpredictable and unexpected situations. What to do?

It is important for a woman in this situation to behave calmly and correctly. And this means that the husband during the crisis of depression did not leave to seek solace on the side, try to take care of yourself, be well-groomed and feminine. Support the man, listen to him and be a friend, partner and a great lover.

But do not turn self-care into fanaticism. Otherwise, the man will leave his eternally brilliant wife with long nails and false eyelashes to where he will simply cook a delicious borsch. Find a middle ground.

But just imagine what they told you about treason. What are your actions. Yes, first of all, I want to tear out all the hair of my mistress, slap her husband in the face and put him out the door, expecting him to crawl on his knees every day, begging forgiveness.

But here it is important to understand the psychology of a forty-year-old man. At this age, they no longer want troubles, although many do not want this ever. And especially if one, the other, will accept him with arms outstretched, it may turn out so that collecting his things, you will only make his life easier. He will calmly go into the warm embrace of a satisfied passion.

But such a course of events does not suit us. Therefore, you should remember these rules:

Keep your mouth shut. Yes, it’s difficult and you want to do something ugly mistress for everyone. But be wise, this will count towards you later. And later, when everything ends well for you, you will pour spouse on the first number. But now it’s important not to divulge these personal nuances.
Find an ally. You will not believe, but the mother-in-law will help you with this. After all, she, too, is worried about her beloved son. And if she finds out that he left the children and his wife for the sake of a young rotator, she is unlikely to be happy. Maybe for starters, she will show irony to her daughter-in-law, which, they say, apparently behaved badly with her son, just walked. But a conversation with a man will lead, so be sure.
Get information about the opponent. You will not know the truth from a man, moreover, he will easily tell you that he had nothing to do with what she had bewitched, watered, etc. But you need to learn as much as possible about her and understand what attracted your man to her.

Here the victory will be won by the one that is wiser and more restrained, cunning and calm. You just need to let your husband go, yes, you heard right. Just tell your husband: “If she is dearer to you, then you can be with her. But you must know that I cannot live without you, because I love and cherish you. ”

Remember that the best way to keep a man is to let him go. In no case should you expel your husband. Even if it is very painful to see him there is no strength. Talk to your partner and let him speak out.

Learning to forgive is also important. Yes, it’s difficult and painful, but all people are mistaken. And maybe right now your husband understood how dear to him you and your family are.

The main thing to remember is that it is important to be attentive to each other. Do not spend leisure time with books and TV alone, but do everything together, find common interests, travel. And then the husband will be so passionate about his family and wife that, after joyful impressions, he will not allow the demon to penetrate his soul and body.

When is the most difficult age for men - the crisis years?

In men, the crisis period may be more than once, and in different periods of life, a man is in wait for situations that cause him to be depressed. These periods can be divided into the following:

13-16 years old - at this age, the guy wants to seem very adult, not only in the eyes of others, but also in his own. An important action at this point is to demonstrate independence from parents. But in response often only conflicts and misunderstanding are obtained.
21-23 years old - during this period, study is already completed and you have to bear responsibility for your actions at work. You can’t skip a couple or not do your homework. Now you need to come to work early and maybe stay up late. Meetings with friends do not happen so often. At first, all this can cause a feeling of throwing, nervousness, fussiness in a young man.
30 years - This period for some is a harbinger of the crisis, and for some it is already completely mastered at this age. During this period, the man begins to realize what he has achieved in life and what niche he has occupied. It comes to understanding that some of the bars have been overestimated and therefore not achieved.

35 years - at this moment, the man begins to look at his surroundings. And first of all it concerns the wife and children. Now it seems to him that love has already passed, and a routine has appeared and time that cannot be returned. Now the days are flying inexorably for him, adding new wrinkles to his face. Where can it be without depression. Quarrels, scandals, and bouts of a depressed man are often noted here. But, if the wife finds the strength in herself to endure this period, then the man eventually experiences depression and he begins to live more realistically, set achievable goals and successfully achieve them.
To 40 years a man has a new degree of depression. And even if a person is quite successful, the reason is new. Namely - the disease. At this age, the man most likely was already in the hospital for one reason or another, he is observing the chronic diseases of his friends, with whom he could previously have been restless for several days in a row. And here very often thoughts of death arise. After all, age, in their opinion, already obliges to think about it. It is important to convey to the man that you just need to monitor your own health and lead a healthy lifestyle.
50 years - Now the man is increasingly becoming like a small child. In addition, the child is painful, the man is constantly starting to get sick. But if the wife does not support the man at this difficult moment for him, then it is possible that he will find a young girl who will take care and naively look into the eyes of her beloved. Here he will seek reassurance.

Try to help a man cope with emotional breakdowns. Understand that perhaps this seems like a trifle to you, but for the stronger sex, such setbacks become a problem and very serious. Take care of your loved ones!

Middle-aged crisis in men: what are the consequences?

No matter how long the depression lasts, but it cannot last forever. And therefore, it is important to foresee the possible consequences of this period. They may be as follows:

Favorable After much painful deliberation, the man decides that his wife is still reliable support and support, the children love him, and the work brings pleasure. Therefore, a man begins to set more realistic goals for himself and returns to a normal fun life.

Unfavorable. In this case, a man who is not happy with anything in his life begins to change everything abruptly. This applies to everything: wife, work, environment. Very often, not having achieved success in a new life, a man knocks on the door of an abandoned wife. But not always open this door. Such events can draw a man into a new depression and leave what is called a broken trough.

Middle-aged crisis in men: how to overcome?

If you are looking for a solution to the problem of midlife crisis in your man on the Internet, then you are right and you make a mistake. They are right because you need to read the information, psychological advice of other people. This must be done in order to be prepared for the different course of a depressed state of a man. But the mistake may be that not all measures are applicable to your husband. All people are individual, and what helped the husband of one woman will not always help yours.

Having more or less understood what needs to be done, it is time to study the main mistakes. These are the actions that cannot be performed:

Do not be imposed on a man depressed with advice. No need to use: “I believe”, “I am sure”, “I know how best”. A man must understand that he is capable of making this or that decision.
Do not blame yourself for your husband’s depression. This stage is more or less endured by every man.
A man should not see your tears. In this situation, he will not regret you, but only get even more angry.
Do not be offended if a man does not show signs of attention to you, he is now all in himself and his problems. But you, in turn, show affection and support a partner. This will give him confidence in his need.
Give the man freedom, let him think calmly himself. But make sure that he does not like this freedom.
In no case do not talk about divorce. In this state, a man can easily agree to this, and then you will have to regret.
No jealousy scenes. This can lead to either a baseless scandal from scratch or a man leaving your life.
Do not stop watching yourself. Go in for sports, visit beauty salons. Be fit, but don't make yourself a doll. The partner’s self-development will cheer up the man.

A middle-aged crisis in a man is inevitable. But thanks to close people and a pleasant homely atmosphere, it can be fleeting and easy.

Video: Middle-aged crisis in men

You must admit that earlier only men were concerned about the midlife crisis. But in recent years, the female version of this ailment has been talked about much more often. Still would! But just give us a reason, and we will gladly begin to develop any topic and turn it into a problem. Indeed, women are more prone to analysis. And the age crisis is just about the analysis of what was, is and will be.

Here you live happily ever after, when one day it dawns on you: “I’m doing something wrong in this life!” The thought is reinforced by feelings and strange sensations that we women reproduce with ease and which we allow to circulate within ourselves. Well, then on the thumb. “I seem to be a failure”, “Success never came to me”, “Already thirty, but no children”, “It’s somehow not solid to ride a Peugeot” - these and many other winged expressions are just the same cut our wings with you. Those that help both take off and be easy to climb, and much more. Let's think about where all these hostile thoughts originate from, which someone throws into our heads, and we are happy to start living with them.

“I am a loser”

Well, suppose you don't have a dream machine or a solid resume position yet. And in this regard, stereotypical thinking leads to anxiety and panic about this. Being nervous, of course, is useless in this case. To your 30+ you came where you went. And it’s more important to analyze not the brand of the car, but what you really want and what you are fighting for. For comfort, for recognition, for success? For what exactly? Counting what you have acquired is an extremely ridiculous task.

It is also important not to forget that you are a woman, and not some terminator there. Better think about whether you get enough sleep. Do you take care of yourself regularly and why are your shoulders so squeezed - isn't it from everyday stress?

Continuous presence on social networks adds fuel to the fire, where others, of course, have greener grass and a slimmer waist. It is proved that social networks cause envy and enhance the feeling of loneliness. And this is exactly what it's time to learn at our age. In addition, all these “and what did you achieve by thirty” are the rules of the day before yesterday. Today we live in a more free space in which the values \u200b\u200band rules of consumption have changed. Yes, it seems to us that with age we began to consume more and need more money. But in fact, we just became lazier, and therefore we choose what is more expensive, more satisfying and requires the least energy.

"Work got"

It is quite normal. Have you heard about the crisis of ten years in the profession? Perhaps this is it. But it’s also likely that the work really bothered you. Do not rush to chop off the shoulder. Suppose you remembered that you dreamed of singing on stage as a child, but then it dawned on you that the current work has nothing to do with a youthful dream. You torment yourself all night instead of sleeping, imagine how you are going to write a letter of resignation, and then, apparently, run to the casting or somewhere else. For a dream. Well stupid, right? It is important to separate the profession from all other Wishlist, which can be turned into a hobby. Instead of sitting on the phone and watching others do horseback riding, crochet, or draw in the Artist of the Week courses, think about what you would really be interested in doing. By the time we are thirty, we think a lot, but we do very little. Remember your twenty: there are far fewer thoughts, but more movement and a cycle of sensations. And do not leave work at all, it is better to sign up for courses. Suddenly you will spin and wrap this hobby? Then then quit in order to plunge headlong into something new.

"I'm still not married"

Listen, I'll be honest: maybe this is for the best? You can’t even imagine how many divorces there are among couples who married hastily. A mature person who knows himself very well is more likely to meet the same mature person. And do not get a divorce! You should not expect anything outstanding from marriage. In fact, this is a partnership for which you need to be mentally (and physically, ha ha) prepared. Marriage will not save you from boredom or longing. If only for a while. Then you will also feel lonely, but only with accusations against your husband. Develop, breathe deeply and do not look for anyone. Practice shows that relationships are much stronger when it is a man who “finds” you, and not you him.

“I have no child”

You know, no matter how pathetic it sounds, but children always come to us on time. And you will surely then understand what I mean. Second moment. Children are still not pets. These are people who will live with you side by side, and they will need to be addressed. Are you ready for this? Give them all their free time, forget about habits and personal schedules? Give them your freedom and tranquility.

Parenthood is not a pink plush world. This is a set of rather boring activities, if you look at them from the technical side.

Of course, the heart is filled with incomparable feelings, and they do not look like anything. But if you don’t have children now, then you have at least (and even maximum) no beloved man and love as such. Never forget that this is paramount. And children are a wonderful result of the love of a man and a woman.

If everything is much deeper, then there is an explanation for this. Between thirty and forty years, many come to a global reappraisal of values \u200b\u200band look differently at the choice of spouse, profession and life goals. This is the same internal conflict that Jung wrote about. That absolutely unbearable inner discord is proof of your true life. Transformation in the middle of the path is a key moment in the transition from the first half of life to the second. In fact, you are faced with the discrepancy between your dreams and reality. And as a result - with disappointment.

And here it is important to understand that, because of our youth, we could imagine something much brighter than it really is, and set ourselves overwhelming tasks that you realistically would never have dealt with. A very important point: all thoughts and new searches must be accompanied by the ability to rest and relax. Unfortunately, the syndrome of chronic fatigue and overwork is not fiction, but in a sense the result of your race. It's time to get out of the car and start walking, walking more, going out of town. Let your temporary crisis be accompanied by such innovations.

Consider as closely as possible everything related to work. Does it bring moral satisfaction, or do you hold on to it for fear of not finding something new, or do not want to part with a decent salary? Favorite business - this is what it is desirable to strive after thirty. All other options sooner or later lead you to neurosis and loss of strength.

And further. Please remember what you love yourself for. You can even ask your friends to write what traits they value you for - you won’t believe how many new “therapeutic” emotions this will bring. It's time to stop fighting with yourself and chase after some ideal incarnation.

Stop listening to the inner whispering that something else is missing for you to be happy. Happiness is a process, not a result, as our parents taught us. Happiness is you, not a fictional character, but a real living person

So, what did the friends say there?

If you are increasingly visited by sad thoughts that beauty is fleeting, and happy youth has passed irrevocably, then do not blame everything on the autumn blues. Probably, the problem is in the middle-aged crisis, which overtakes the fair sex at the age of 35 to 55 years - for everyone differently.

The midlife crisis is a much more terrible thing than we can imagine. No, of course, it is not eternal, sooner or later it all ends, and depressive thoughts are slowly disappearing. Its main danger lies in the following: the experiences associated with a turning point can be so prolonged that for some time any interest in life will disappear. It is in such a difficult period that many women put an end to themselves, ignore their appearance and “slaughter” their work and family. To get out of this difficult condition, you must first diagnose it.

Symptoms of a Midlife Crisis

1. Panic fear of old age.A woman suddenly begins to listen to her body, suspecting a serious "senile disease" in any ailment. She looks more and more into the reflection in the mirror, trying to find new wrinkles, or even walks past him, believing that she will not see anything good.

In such a difficult period, many women put an end to themselves, ignore their appearance and “slaughter” their work and family.

2. The desire to break with her husband.And this despite the fact that, apparently, there are no visible reasons for family discord. It’s just that she suddenly begins to think that her husband has stopped loving, that he has another — certainly younger — and that very soon they will divorce. Family life seems to be over, and she is ready to put an end to it, relying only on her own feelings.

3. Dissatisfaction with their work.She suddenly begins to cause disgust, because it seems to the woman that her career success is clearly not up to what her peers could achieve. Another comparison more and more drives her into a trap of depression, and she begins to feel at least worthless.

4. Comparison with younger women.If earlier she looked at other girls from the point of view of “this one is slimmer, and this one is taller”, now she only notes that they are younger than her, which means a priori more attractive. The alien blooming youth becomes unbearable, and the woman begins to sacredly believe that now no one can like her.

5. A pessimistic view of the future.The woman truly believes that the best years of her life have passed and nothing wonderful awaits her. She prefers to indulge in memories, ignoring dreams of what the future might bring.

How to deal with the crisis

1. Appearance on top!Now you just need to, even through “I don’t want” to carefully monitor your appearance. Makeup, hairstyle, spa treatments and fitness classes - include all this in the list of important things and devote a couple of hours to your beloved every day. You see, your wrinkles are not so scary, especially since there are so few of them that you shouldn’t even say it.

2. More communication.To withdraw into oneself is now the most thankless task. Spending long hours alone with you, you run the risk of even deeper into a depressed state. Therefore, try to communicate as much as possible with family members, friends, colleagues, getting out for joint walks or simply discussing a television program that you watch together. Moreover, seeing that others sincerely love you, you will think - maybe not so bad?

3. Suppress thoughts of the past.Believe me, you are able to force yourself not to think about what hurts you, which is why stop all thoughts of a happy past, concentrating on the present or thinking about an equally happy future. At the same time, always remember that, turning back, you miss hundreds of opportunities in the present moment, and this is at least unreasonable.

Do not even think of moving away from your partner. His love and attention is exactly what “the doctor prescribed."

4. Pay attention to your loved one.He simply can not resist the beautiful wife, who put on a breathtaking dress and covered dinner by candlelight. You will see, the sparkle in his eyes makes you look at yourself in a completely different way. Therefore, do not even think about moving away from your partner. His love and attention is exactly what “the doctor prescribed."

5. Create a five-year plan.Imagine how you would like to spend the next five years. At the same time, you can imagine literally everything, even if some fantasies seem unrealistic. Imagine that in the future you are absolutely happy, and try to stay in this state today.

6. Look at the situation differently.A crisis is a turning point, after which something good is clearly waiting for you. Even the very end of the crisis, thoughts, finally put in order, it will already make you feel a little happier. Therefore, do not give in to sad thoughts, wait out a difficult time, and, believe me, it will only get better.

What have I achieved? Was that what I wanted? What will happen next? By around the age of 40, these questions are prevailing for everyone. Men endure the crisis harder than women - the whole life society requires from them results, achievements, success. And here it is, the time when it is time to summarize. What is the peculiarity of the middle-aged crisis in men and how to overcome it, the psychotherapist Lynn Margolis reflects.

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A man experiencing a crisis of identity or a crisis of middle age feels as if he was stifled or constrained by the way of life that he leads. He wants to break free. His ideas about time and about himself are changing. Realizing that it’s not so long to live, men desperately cling to the last opportunity to experience youth and the pleasure of life.

What happens to a man?

In this period, fantasies and old dreams seem much more attractive than reality. The man believes that he seems to be doing everything right, but wonders: how did it happen that he gradually turned into an ordinary middle-aged man? Sometimes his value system changes, and he rebels against the old rules, which, as it seems to him, limit him.

A crisis is especially likely if there are no opportunities for growth or change in a man’s life. He begins to doubt whether his own way of life and the image that he created for himself are satisfied with him and to think: is he in his place? Life seems empty or fake.

When a man commits rash acts, the usual revaluation of values, characteristic of the middle of life, turns into a crisis

When a man commits (or is almost ready to commit) rash, radical actions, it can be said that the usual internal conflict and reappraisal of values \u200b\u200bthat are characteristic of midlife turned into a crisis.

As a result some men start romance on the side, leave the family, start drinking more, become irresponsible or take a meaningless and unjustified risk.

When it seems that there is no way out, the crisis forces something to change. The result can be both positive (personal growth) and destructive.

How to recognize a crisis?

The surest sign - a feeling of being driven into a corner and a desire to break out, turning life upside down. Usually a man realizes that he is in a crisis when reality comes into conflict with his "antics."

Here are some more signs of a midlife crisis:

withdrawal into oneself, desire for rebellion, as in adolescents;
increased interest in the external image, fantasizing, the search for thrills, the desire for risk;
tendency to flirt, attempts to have a romance;
the feeling that life has ceased to suit, the temptation to commit something unusual or radical, to arrange some kind of "trick".

How to cope?

Here are some tips on how to survive this lossless crisis and even grow as a person:

Do not...

... do radical things which can turn life upside down. Consider yourself as a teenager who needs to set limits so that he does not cause trouble.

... take your feelings and emotions too literally. Feelings are not facts. If you are overwhelmed by an acute desire to "break free", this does not always mean that you really need to do this. Perhaps this is just a symptom that something is going wrong.

... get lost in your fantasies. Otherwise, you risk starting to commit rash acts that will only prevent you from gaining the vitality that you lack.

Gotta ...

... remember that you do not have to radically rebuild your life. If you are sure that much needs to be changed, do it gradually and consciously to mitigate the possible destructive effect.

... accept the fact that many opportunities are missed. Think about what you missed and why. Write down on paper everything that you would like to do but have not done. In the same place describe why at that moment in life you did not dare to do so.

... think about what you value in life and that would not want to lose.

... reflect on life priorities - past and present. Think about what realistic changes you can make while staying within your current lifestyle.

About the expert

Lynn Margolies is a psychologist and psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience who previously worked at a clinic at Harvard University. Her website: drlynnmargolies.com