How to realize what you want. Electronic doctor
We are watching movies and videos, sheets of social networks, communicate with friends and relatives. And the more saturated information noise around, the harder it is to separate where our true dreams, and where - imposed by others. But sooner or later it will have to do it. Because trying to realize "other people's" desires, we ignore our own.
Find and neutralize
Even when you yourself do not understand what you strive for, you often know what others are waiting for you. Their installations can be both an invaluable tip and broken compass. To begin with, it is important to understand that in your life came "from the outside." Describe what kind of mom / dad / sister / head and others wanted to see you. What did they advise you? What is the future propheted? And How? Do you meet their expectations? Maybe we spend time to satisfy someone's requests? After all, if in the list of their expectations and wishes there is no realization of your unique potential, it means that you have gone towards not your goals. Now imagine that everything is unexpectedly behind you. Relatives are no longer asked when you finally marry / ask how to enhance / get the second higher and so on. Will you still want it? Or will you understand that in the depths of your soul your dreams lie completely in another area?
Explore yourself
The imposed judgments live in us, even if we do not realize it. Usually we forget how and when you received a particular installation. Remember this will help a self-surveillance game. Its essence is simple: stripped notebook pages on three columns. In the first introduction the facts that promote, for example, for example: "I wear only long skirts", "I am always in a blond hair", "I buy a certain variety coffee" and so on. And in the second column, try to answer, why do you do that? Looking at the star or parents? Do you like yourself? Or "so accepted"? "You can distinguish public installations according to markers:" obliged "," must "," Need, "says Life-Coach Anna Rykov. "Try to skip them through the formula" I want, I can choose "." For example, the phrase "I work, because I must" rewrite as "I do not want to work. I can not work. But I prefer to work to accumulate on the world journey. " Then it will become your conscious choice. In the third column answer, does any bonuses bring (comfort, pleasure, money ...) imposed rule? If not, boldly strike it out of life.
Check for authenticity
It is important to understand what is behind your motive, what value or need. For example, you want sweet, because you need to reward yourself or relax. But there is not one way to satisfy your requests. And you can recognize their essence using the method of consecutive issues. For example, you do not know, give birth to you or not. Ask yourself why you need a child. Because "time"? Because then you will regret that I did not give birth? So what does your mom want? Gradually, noted inappropriate options, "removing the husk", you will get to the true need. This is, for example, the approval of the mother. Anna Gurevich's business coach calls it a "bulb method". Or, put, you doubt whether to part with a man who does not behave very respectfully. Ask a question: What does this novel mean for you? What is it needed for? What will happen if you disappear? As a result, two values \u200b\u200bwill be on the scales of the scales: relationships and self-esteem.
Do not postpone tomorrow
You can determine your priorities using simple technique "I always wanted." Write a list of 100 things that you dream to do in life: run the marathon, get on the cover of the magazine, to visit Tibet and so on. "Points 30 are written easily, and then there is a stupor," says Mikhail Moskotin, Business trainer Business Relations. - In this matter, the main thing is not to give up. Having written all a hundred, ask yourself a question: If I had to live for five years, what of these items would I implement? Wound the most important thing is that your real desires will appear. "
Turn off your head
Our mind can have millions of answer options to the question, but which of them is correct, it is difficult to determine. "We think that we accept the decisions of your head, in reality, when it comes to intentions, about the future, we do not know what is really good for us," the existential psychologist Vita Kholmogorov believes. - In fact, the choice does not consciousness, and our subconsciousness, so when we try to find out "What do I really want?", It is important not to include, but, on the contrary, turn off the brain and listen to feelings. " Mystery techniques will help to achieve this. Relax, close eyes, concentrate on breathing and ask yourself: "What will happen if what I want, really happen?" In this inner silence, you must meet with a feeling that arises. And if it is ease, warm, joy, then we are talking about a dream, the execution of which will make you truly happy.
A happy person is distinguished by the presence of a healthy appetite for life. He is pleased with the process itself. If you look attentively, it will be easy to see the recipe that combines all such people: 1) they know how to accurately determine what they want 2) they get it. How to understand what I really want?
I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly realized that the transformation, to which I sought for so long, went into my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other satellites of any change - but one change still happened: i knew exactly what I want. And in all spheres of life and on different sections of time.
Wake me up in the middle of the night, demanding that I wonder what I was interested in this life - I would have blurted out without the shadow of doubt where I go. Moreover, with a fair share of specifics. Suggest me to change these goals to others, no less attractive, I would refuse, for my scope and so gives me enough space to straighten your wings. Turning away my life before choosing is a favorite person or these goals, I would choose the second. Since real love will not put such a condition, and everything else is a fake from the dream on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for life and will get rid of the need to act. And for this illusion there is no more space in my life.
This is an interesting feeling - to know what you want and where you go, because it does not cancel the freedom of choice and the opportunity to change their mind, but you know that your choice is made.
Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are connected with your choice.
P. Coelho, Zaire
Tie myself in this choice - this is a true wise step, since it is that the concentration in a single vector helps to pass the stage behind the stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving birth to the joy of conscious movement forward. Including this is the only way to have what you want, for those who are not afraid to dream of a large.
If you just describe, the picture looks like this:
- To inspire moves to your desires, they must be big - That is, to have a scope for your soul flight. Global goals give rise to faith in the fact that our possibilities are much wider, thereby discusing the internal potential and giving a tide.
- To walk to big goals - you need timeduring which you will move in the selected side, without changing the directions. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change the goal, change your mind, choose another - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, as well as the law of the cause and effect: every time, starting another, you start a new way, and it also needs to remain long enough, without changing the acute focus.
In order not to succumb to the seduction of choice and do not change its direction - you need to determine exactly what you want. Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain moment of life for yourself to decide: "Who am I?" And "Where to go?". Otherwise, people often change their opinions, try many directions at once, they don't succeed anywhere else and generally refuse any attempts, thereby starting a smooth descent down the stairs of their prospects.
If you are ready - you do not need to prepare.
When you decided on the direction, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting opportunities. It is easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep the focus on something one. When this choice is not fully made to the end and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow it all goes without happens), then you float where the wind is drown. I think no one would like us to be on an uncontrolled ship in the ocean or on the raw rod flow without cheerful. So why many like this dangerous approach so much: "Fly by the flow of life without any goals", isn't it obvious that he carries on stones of helpless old age?
Now in Moscow there is a world championship in athletics - how interesting to watch some contests. Look.
What is the essence of the victory of a particular athlete? Someone will say that in diligent training coupled with natural data, but still root deeper - in their choice, it is on one particular sport that they approached them more, and improve it.
Only long and technically correct workouts in one direction can give the necessary result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, the strong body and certain talents could run from the sprint into jumps, from the jumps in the marathon, from the marathon in all-around, calling it looking for themselves. Determine the direction as early as possible - The most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is curious, but in life it is also the most important decision, however, it is already much less people take it into account.
To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving for a long time.
Hence the logical question: Do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?
I did not know for a long time. Rather, incorrectly interpreted its desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, tightly spent by the sea, I realized that I actually want to regularly leave to the sea, and to the mountains, and to the forests, and to the snow, it is necessary, that is, travel a lot in the world, and only in breaks Between something more significant and creative, for example, the development of their project, and to live by the sea is completely optional. The big city is responsible for a much larger amount of my questions than isolated from the world of the island. In his personal life, there were also dreams in the style "Or maybe I will become an excellent hostess and the custodian of the focus and I will not do anything" than pretty smiling my own universe with the relevant lessons.
For each talent will ask us.
But every time, even when the next "want" turned out to be more likely to my fantasy about the beautiful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work by freelancer. I realized that we need to return to Moscow, I moved. I wanted the author's project - and so he is in front of you. It is this movement, and not reflections (!), Gave the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the challenge of idle entertainment, which do not lead anywhere. At some point, real objectives began to gain an increasingly distinct form, leaving overboard all the imposed husks.
This is an illustration of my favorite example with a long climbing in the mountains - you first don't even see the top, but as you approach, with the next observation platform, your review increases and at some point - the goal becomes quite distinguishable. But if you do not set out of the sofa and do not start this way of conscious movement on the edges of your "I want" and "I can", then the top does not ask.
Several tips, how to understand your true desires and gain inspiring goals
0. Tip number "Zero" - Start awareness, to begin with any nearest desire. You need to start moving to the mountain to continue to argue about where in all this magnificence it is my road. If you plan to start and do something, only when you find your way or destination, - you just do not leave for the threshold of your home. This is called "sofa searches yourself", and it is ridiculous.
1. Pay attention to your own desires.
The presence of a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Do not disdain your aspirations. And do not listen to those who say that desire is bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome themselves, or rather, their own ideas about themselves. Desires - vital energy catalysts. Another question is that when the potential remains unrealized, it begins to crush. That is why desires in every sense is useful to fulfill.
The difference between the true dream or "public", that is, imposed, most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Be prepared by K. power and Error Stage, especially if they grew up in a strongly "stort" environment, but this stage is also very productive.
Most often, I come with letters in the style "how to make everything to change, but not mistaken." That's the point that there is no way. Yes, you may be mistaken, but even a mistake with sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will benefit, because it will remove the next layer of Shore from the eye, which is never seen if you do not try.
Loser, this is the one who did not even try because of fear of failure.
It was the mistakes that led me to the very observation platform where I could clearly see what I want: who to be, what to go. And the bonus is an understanding of what no longer intends to tolerate.
2. Find the jack between desires and abilities
A single vector about which was discussed is very often at the junction "I want" and "I can". That is, it is not just your current abilities, but multiplied to great desires. What you have tendency and talents, but in the context of a big dream. This conscious development of its abilities in skill, which allows to carry out the most bold desires. As soon as they click this junction - give him priority. Nothing does not make a person internally holistic and calm, as a distinct understanding where he goes.
3. The biggest goal should always have a point of contact with the moment now
The goal is different from the fanner only the presence of real steps is already now in the selected direction. In all other cases, if you want, but do not, is no more than a children's dream, which is unlikely to come true.
To walk somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner we define with him, the clearer everything that happens around. I wish you to realize it and choose from the whole manifold.
Forget about others for a while, take only yourself. Ask yourself: If you were completely alone, no friends and relatives, without hated work and would not be limited in choosing, what would you like to do? Do not be afraid to show healthy egoism and do not be ashamed. If you do not put your interests above public, then no one will do it.
Don't spare
Constantly regret that you have done or did not do in the past - it means to stand still. Do not live in past and do not regret anything. Live today, live by the future.
Decide that you need the most
We do not always understand what we need in life. And it is extremely difficult to find out. Concentrate and think that it is truly important for you. A family? Freedom of expression? Financial well-being? Make a list of priorities, it can help.
Determine what bothers you
Healthy solve what you want to do, it is possible only when it does not hold back. If you are upset or your head is crashed, then you can never make a decision. Observe what it is annoying at the moment. "I am infuriates to work in the office" is not an answer. What specifically the aspect of the work is concerned? Annoying the boss? Schedule? Are you unhappy with the post?
Think about how to fix it. Perhaps in the current situation there are no serious problems and a change in only a pair of aspects will make you a happy person.
Find out what brings you pleasure
Pleasure is the key to a happy life. The person who benefits from life does not just live his years, but fills them with meaning. Recall moments from life when you were happy. What brings you pleasure? Travels? Communication with children? Management of the company? It will be easier to choose a further path, knowing what exactly makes you happy.
Tell us about your dream around
No need to hide from relatives and close solutions to quit everything and go towards a dream. Sharing with them your considerations, you can get the support and new ideas that you would not have thought.
Tune in to positive way
Life does not always go to the script we have written. But you do not need to fall into apathy, if something has not happened. Instead of grieving and do nothing, continue started with double power. Surrely or later, success will come. Do not give up, and think about good and do what I dreamed of all my life.
Just do not think that it's easy to find your destination. Many people are looking for him all life. The main thing is not to stop and continue to look. One day it will definitely happen. And before that moment, try various professions and classes. After all, without trying, you will never know, yours or not.
Why don't we achieve such success that we would please and inspired us? It is often the fact that we strive not to what we really want, choose the goals and plans that the world and other people dictate us, and not our own values, interests and desires. In the book "Watch your fear", Mandy Holgate leads an exercise that will help to decide on true dreams, and strategies, how to start following your dear.
Do you want Ferrari?
I often ask the listeners: "Who wants to have" Ferrari "in this hall?" What do you think, what answer do I get? Hand forest? Several votes: "Yes, let's go here!"? What answer do you expect?
In my practice, we usually raise one or two people. And then I ask these few bravery, who bravely wave a hand near the ear: "If you really want" Ferrari ", then why are you so inseciously confess? Do not pull your hand to the ceiling, do not jump on the chair, as in the first class, when you know the answer and want the teacher to ask you exactly? "
You see, when you really want Ferrari, this is a real passion - an internal incentive that you feel every cell. It is worth you to hear the coveted name or see the photo of the car of your dreams, and you are overwhelmed with excitation and curiosity.
But never when I brought this example, I have not seen such an excite of such an excite about Ferrari, such a passion, such a tension of feelings, which does not allow to sit on the spot: "I am now a lot from love at first sight, if I do not Allow to speak in the same nanosecond! "
This is what the real passion looks like. You need to understand what your goals and internal incentives, and find confidence to be ourselves without pretending. Find out what makes you feel such a complete life that you have not yet finished this phrase, notice how your heart is rapidly rapidly, the lips are revealed in a smile and you begin to fantasize the results. This is a passion. This is the goal. But too often we hide what we really want, and what we are, for the people around. And therefore we achieve only those results that others want from us.
Author's exercise "My Values"
Once at the coach session, the client, having completed one of the exercises, which are later given, found out to their horror that it has a hobby priority list than the husband. And it was not so definitely, as it seems. Together we found out that she did nothing for the fact that it actually had value for her: did not pay enough attention to this important hobby for himself, constantly ignored and suppressed internal incentives that helped her feel the completeness of life. But when she realized what values \u200b\u200bfor her significant, he could change something - and noticed significant improvements in all spheres of life. She did not make a choice between her husband and hobby. And of course, her list of priorities did not mean that she did not like his spouse. But it was important for her to realize the values \u200b\u200bthat make up her personality, and understand: ignoring them, she does not feel happy, alive, and this in turn affects many other sides of her life and work.
1. List all that is important for you in life.
This list does not have to show anyone. No need to explain your choice. If you enable children in this list, but not a husband (or wife), this is your business, and no one will condemn you for it. Then choose from the written ten items. Below, I cite your list - you can take the sample enemy. Not necessarily your list will look like - Write what you want.
For example, career, travel, family, success, friends, money, hobbies, culture, work, recreation, sports, health, physical activity, socialization, finance, writing, gardening, reading, music.
Draw such a sign and enter your items in each line of the first column - in any order:
Table from the book
2. Compare these items to each other in pairs.
For example, if you had to choose, could you do without a family or without rest? If you could not give up a family, then the family gets one point, and rest is zero. Would you be able to do without family or without entertainment? If you do not hurt without entertainment, then entertainment get one score, and the family is zero. This does not mean that something is wrong with your family or with you. Do not try to reproach yourself. This list should not be shown, you make it for myself and only for yourself to see what is important for you in life. If you put the family zero points, it does not mean that it is unimportant for you. You simply define what place it takes on your prioritization system. So, remember: no guilt, only honesty. Listen to your intuition and write a clean truth!
3. Earn so the entire column, comparing the first item with the third, fourth, and so on.
I compare family and entertainment, family and work, family and helping others, and you have your own list. Repeat for each item.
You will get a sign, similar to this. Table from the book
4. Summage points for each item.
This information will help you understand what your priorities are. For example, in our example, the main values \u200b\u200bare family, entertainment and help to others, because the family receives nine points, entertainment - eight, and the help of others is seven.
It is important to know the first ten of your life values, but it is even more important to identify three main ones that most strongly affect your life. In our example, rest and money received four points, that is, they are not so significant as the first three values. However, they are present in the list, and this will help consciously take them into account in life. You will certainly come across situations when these values \u200b\u200bneed to pay tribute to these values: for example, I want to make a large purchase and ready for this a lot to work. But I will not forget about rest!
Yes, it is scary to admit: "These are my priorities." But it is necessary to start with something? You noticed that some people walk with her extinct eyes, as if they had a light bulb inside, while others would shine from the inside, shine and full of life? Often this exercise brings unexpected discoveries. A person discovers: what he considered the main value in his life is not so high in the list of its priorities. Realizing this, you get the opportunity to live a full life.
Motives
If you want to implement the most bold goals and dreams, learn to go against the current. You will need to take into account someone else's opinion. And in general you will experience fear. But positive actions find a positive response. Only inertia and inaction allow fear to grow and exacerbate.
You must know your values, know what inspires you and why.
Still, fear is able to be a decisive factor that does not give you to act in order to get the desired result, internally valuable for you. To induce yourself to take the necessary action, look at your motives. If you do not pay tribute to your values, what do you agree with? Ask you these important questions:
- If I do not understand who I am, and I do not feel ready to defend it and be myself, what do I agree in this case?
- If I retreat from my nature and from my values, what do I agree in this case?
Remember the exercise "My Values". What values \u200b\u200bare important for you? What are you ready to do? What are ready to sacrifice? Ask yourself:
- If I continue to retreat from my values, how will it affect my life?
- How will it affect my loved ones?
Yes, it is decided to realize my potential that is scary. But isn't it scary to hide your true essence? Remember what a person feel, who actually wants "Ferrari"? This is what you should feel - the deepest inner need to find out the answers to these questions.
The fate of the person is the way of samples and mistakes, self-education and other steps. I can do everything, I want everything, but how to understand what kind of choices to do?
1. We take two hours of your time (undivided, personal and calm) and sit down at the table
It is important. Not on the sofa, not on the bench, but at the table. We write out everything that you like to do what interests. Let it even be a stream of thoughts. It is important to write everything.
And now put a piece of paper, go to sleep. The next day, soberly looked, analyzed, crossed out frank nonsense. Now it's easier - there is the basis and ways of direction.
2. Read, listen, visit
During the week, two, try to read / listen / visit several places / events related to selected areas. Inhale local air, feel the atmosphere.
3. What not like?
Let's go from the opposite and the same way we decide what we do not like to do. For example, come to work for your mother / dad / other relatives and understand yours or not. Saw? I do not like? Hood. There is already something.
4. Internship
In any office / log / work of your dream work, experts / volunteers are always required. Everything is so simple. Exactly. You just need to dial the phone number of the instance and ask about the conditions of internship. Attempt is not torture. Such experience as it is impossible to "sore" your ideas about future work and will give it to understand "it" or not.
5. Travel a lot and often if there is an opportunity
The closed space, the same circle of friends, communication often turns us into a dead end. You have an explosion, a burst of inspiration, energy. You see how people live far and closely than they do.
6. Communicate with people older than yourself
Age here is not so important as life experience is important. Especially the experience of those who have already been successful in their business and reached something. Ask advice, interest.
7. Interesting Club
There is a bunch of organizations for students / youth not only in interest, but in general, so to speak, directions. There you can find like-minded people - once, well spend time - two. Three - often people around us give us to understand who we really are.
8. Read a lot
9. Although the ninth, but very important moment (!)
Please think your head. Do not mother / dad / family / aunt on mom dad, and their own. You live and love what you do. These are your ambitions, life.
10. Create contacts
This is called today "Network" (from "Network", "Network" translated from English). Your interested and friends are now friends - in the future Successful people, entrepreneurs, specialists. Be polite with everyone. True, try to help others when there is an opportunity. Such relationships with people are the future bricks. What you do now - you are later.
11. We can relax
It is impossible to strain your vocation all the time. Thought? Does not go? We take a pause and just rest.
12. And here the snag (see paragraph 9) - listen to relatives and loved ones
13. Test
Pass the test for career guidance. I'm not laughing now. Thousands of psychologists and other specialists did not just develop such tests like this. In each question and your answer is that it makes sense. Whether to follow the results of the test or not - your right.
14. I exhale, a little left
So, we try to get out of your comfort zone and do what they have not tried before. In a week, we invent such 2-3 classes maximum and expand the horizons. Imagine that you are an experimental rabbit and a doctor at the same time. Watch your reactions to those or other items / activity / classes. Make conclusions.
15. The last and most important
Prepared? Be yourself. Seriously. Stop someone to copy if they did it before. Whose experience can not come to you, someone's views can disperse with yours and this is normal. Everyone has his own path. It is important to pass it from the beginning to the end.
