How to learn not to lose heart, if everything falls out of hand and nothing comes out.
Why nothing happens, what can interfere and what to pay attention to.
Do you know friends why many people do not succeed in life. Someone is trying hard, trying, but cannot succeed in any way, someone put a lot of effort, expended energy, but could not change (correct) his way of thinking and behavior, someone cannot cope with what - then painful conditions. Very often this is just for a simple reason.
Now I will give you the most important advice .. If something in your life does not work and you are not doing nothing, because, of course, without action there will be no result, then this can only be due to the fact that you trying too hard and therefore you burn out emotionally before you achieve any goals.
This effort consists in emotional desire, in the heat of the moment, when you light up inside with something (some idea), strong motivation appears and you begin to act against the background of this inspiration. But motivation is not constant, it either increases, then fades away and the desire to do something disappears.
And here the most important thing is to do everything calmly, without unnecessary emotions, you see your goal and calmly (as if reluctantly) move towards it, regularly take some small steps (actions), but at the same time do not wind yourself emotionally, and as soon as noticed that internally too excited, calm down, relax and calmly move on.
Another main reason is systematic, REGULAR actions.
Imagine what is systematic actionswhen it’s necessary to carry out these specific, necessary actions independently and in spite of everything. And so for a long time, because it is not rare that only in this way you can achieve a result. The easiest things get complicated if you do them systematically. After all, this is largely a change in one’s habits, and this is no longer easy.
To do 3-5 necessary actions is easy, to make them 10 times is already noticeably more difficult, but when you need to do 100 or more times to get any result, here for the majority, this is an insurmountable task.
After all, having put a lot of effort and not having achieved something desired, immediately there is a desire to quit everything, plus there is doubt about the correctness of their actions.
But you know, there is such a saying that I once heard - "If it seems that you are going the wrong way, this does not mean that the compass is broken" .. Sometimes, in addition to systematic actions, time and patience are elementary. Patience is the last key that opens the door, and time is simply a factor.
Therefore, do not get attached to the time to achieve the result, do not set yourself any exact dates, let these dates be approximate and you will assume that something will go wrong and it will not work out exactly when you want and it seems it should work out.
This happens with so many people, they are simply disappointed and give up, but they could have achieved their goal.
As a result, when often and much does not work, when you do not finish things to the end, a negative outlook on life and on yourself appears. All this together, like a heavy stone, does not just press and bring back, but also further discards.
Self-hypnosis occurs, - " I can’t, I can’t achieve it, nothing works, I’m somehow not the same, a loser, etc.". These thoughts end in the end, oppress physically and emotionally - their own value falls, you feel the uselessness of yourself, but is it possible to achieve something or change something with this ??
Against this background, very often occurs.
Therefore, they began to act, act without looking at the result, it may not be there for a long time, and after all, the actions can be absolutely correct. Just calmly stop and analyze your steps, and if you notice, realize a mistake, make an adjustment or change course and act again. 
At the same time, at first I had little knowledge, but over time, everything comes by itself and at some point you suddenly realize that the mechanism began to work, a result has been outlined, and then energy appears to continue what was started. But now with knowledge, some achievements and BELIEF in itself.
To accomplish a miracle, one needs 100% responsibility for one’s fate, one’s inner disposition, patience and willingness to take risks. The most difficult thing is to start and go through the first, most difficult period, after which your faith and intention will grow stronger.
Finally, if all else fails:
There are such good words: “Start something, go to the end and don’t look for reasons why you should stop. Never, never give up.” After all, think for yourself, it makes no sense to give up, otherwise why then all? And even if something still did not work out, this does not mean that you will not gain useful experience that will help in other matters.
And the last - Weaknesses, they all have as well as strengths. Trying to fight only with weaknesses and not using strengths, spend too much energy. Therefore, focus more on your strengths, use them to achieve the goal, and with the weak, just gradually and intelligently work.
These, of course, are not the only points why nothing works - fear, perfectionism and the inability to concentrate and keep attention on the goal, this requires separate articles. Good luck to you!
Surely you have had days when everything seems to fall out of hand. It seems that everything - no matter what they take - will burn, break ...
And then you ask the question: what to do when nothing happens.
I specially prepared a step-by-step guide for you on how to survive such days.
Instructions for those who do not succeed now:
1. It should be understood that the feeling that nothing is happening is just an illusion. And even if you fail 100 cases, this does not mean that in the 101st you will also fail.
On such days, I recall:
- Joan Rowling, who did not give up after 12 refusals from publishers and still became world famous for her Harry Potter.
- Thomas Edison, who, despite his bad luck (more than 1 thousand unsuccessful attempts), nevertheless invented an incandescent lamp.
- Walt Disney, who 302 times refused to invest in the opening of the animation studio, but on the 303rd he was lucky. 🙂
Find your own examples to be inspired by them.
2. You need to stop despairing. It is a bad mood, a state of hopelessness - the main reason for most incidents. Do not aggravate the situation.
3. Then you need to stop the flow of daily activities and go out into the fresh air. Take a walk in the quiet streets of the city for at least half an hour. Observe people, animals, trees, nature.
4. Before you return to the building, think: what would you like to do now, find yourself in such a way that you have absolutely no worries and important matters today. Maybe listen to music or sit on a bench all alone? Or maybe just eat ice cream or ride a carousel, as in childhood? Or meet a loved one? See a movie that didn't have enough time?
5. Do it. Unquestioningly. Do not deviate, do not fuss, enjoy the process. Even if it takes 2-3 hours of your precious time.
6. Smile
7 . Get down to important things. Nothing will bother you.
Now you know what to do when nothing happens.
P.S. Information for the Curious or the Causes of “Inept Days”
According to my observations, nothing happens when we often block our desires and emotions, when we live unconsciously, consider only the opinions of others, and do not listen to ourselves.
In this case, we live contrary to our soul, then the body begins to prompt, hint, even shout in every possible way: “Drop everything! Go and do what you want! You need it! Come on! There’s nothing to sculpt dumplings when the soul needs to communicate with a friend. "
Still, it is very easy to live when you listen to your own soul.
Be healthy and in a good mood!
How often do you complain “I can’t achieve this”, complaining “I don’t succeed in life”?
A seemingly innocuous degree of self-disbelief hides behind "I can't jump above my head." It turns out that up to the level of the neck is normal, and what is higher is beyond the bounds of possibilities. Who set this insurmountable level?
Where did I come from?
Do you know how an elephant is taught to obey? The elephants are chained with a strong leash for the leg to the pin. At first he tries to break free, makes endless attempts, leading to terrible wounds on his leg. And then, realizing that all efforts are futile, he stops fighting. Now he is “ready” to tie a thin rope to an unreliable peg. No more attempts to break free.
We are born free from everything. From knowledge, skills, understanding of the world and prejudice. In infancy and childhood, we are as we are, with basic “software”. Not good and not evil, not mathematicians and not humanities. We believe, and they believe us.
Over the years and experience, we are getting smarter in the literal and figurative sense. And, like an elephant, we grow in our ropes and pegs.
From birth, we are laid with the necessary (according to the opinion of the parents and the environment) information and the same correct prohibitions. If we completely agree with “don’t put your finger in the socket”, then “don’t run fast - you will fall” smacks of absurdity.
Unfortunately, such installations accumulate above the roof. And we turn from cheerful, inquisitive and sociable peanuts into unsmiling, indifferent and insecure adults.
Anchor of Unbelief
Over the years, the understanding that we can do everything is lost. Yes, absolutely everything.
Mother moves the car with her bare hands, saving the child. An unsportsmanlike guy takes off on a three-meter fence, running away from an evil dog. An ordinary person scatters bullies, protecting his beloved. At the exam, from the depths of memory, the necessary information emerges that seemed to be forgotten.
What is it? “Obviously not miracles.” These are our possibilities, hidden under the tide of inaction and unbelief.
Each of us is capable of a “miracle”:
- yesterday’s dvoechnik, holding on to the mind, prepares for the year and enters a prestigious university on a budgetary place;
- a plump woman in six months drops tens of kilograms and turns into a delightfully slender lady;
- a middle-aged man suffering from shortness of breath and heart problems, after running, turns into a healthy marathon runner in a couple of years (now his only "health problems" are rubbing his legs while running).
In fact, such “miracles” have nothing to do with magic. They arise not from nowhere, but from ourselves. Everything that is given by nature, we are able to use for its intended purpose.
Unbelief breeds inaction! We think: why puff up, if all the same, nothing happens.
Stop physically loading yourself and the spoon will turn into a pood weight.
Feeding yourself with poor-quality food and drinks - internal organs will turn into a warehouse of diseases.
Overwhelm your head with a tele-email - and you won’t be able to count the change in the store, not to mention budget planning.
Unbelief in yourself is a disgusting anchor! But it is phantom, which means it does not exist in reality.
What to do if “nothing happens in life”
As on a gadget, it is impossible to restore the state to factory settings, and who will agree to become a “clean sheet”. Therefore, you will have to get rid of each phantom anchor in turn.
- We put a hard filter to thoughts and words “I can’t”, “I can’t”, “I can’t” and similar to them.
If necessary, we use phrases that do not nearly hint at helplessness. Rigidly and without concessions we pull ourselves for mistakes and reservations.
- Formulate target.
Clarity and clarity is one of the main conditions, because many simultaneous goals are akin to a crossroads.
- We plan step by step movement and execute our plan.
- Having reached the goal, we certainly celebrate our merit.
We are proud of ourselves and each time we recall this triumph in periods of weakness or when again “nothing happens”.
Life example
Objective: to enter an educational institution for a prestigious specialty.
Initial conditions: mediocre knowledge, high competition.
Implementation time: 9 months.
Work on the above items:
- Supplemented by installation: the competition is high for those who are not adequately prepared. For people with a high level of knowledge, there is no competition.
- Get the maximum possible knowledge in exam subjects.
- In addition to studying at school - tutoring classes and preparatory courses.
The result obtained: getting into the top five of the best applicants and admission to the chosen specialty.
We all once experienced failure. There can be many reasons for this, but to be honest, in most cases they all come down to one thing: when life offers us some opportunities, we strive to avoid the pressure and difficulties associated with moving forward. It is much easier to immediately put up with defeat: how many things await you on your way to a dream?
And here are 10 main causes of failure, which are whole strategies to avoid working on yourself. Following these strategies, we will certainly fail. Read and cry.
1. Are you afraid to stand out
Every society monitors each member so that he does not show excessive self-confidence.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, poet and philosopher
People do not like when others change or do things that make them feel uncomfortable. When you challenge yourself on the path to your ideal, others perceive it as a threat to their inner balance. The success of others makes them think about their own failures and wasted potential. This is rather unpleasant, so most people will react aggressively to your actions.
I.imgur.com
This is the truth of life. If you want to achieve something outstanding, something that will set you apart from everyone else, you will have to understand that you are different and learn how to live with it. People will call you strange, crazy, selfish, arrogant, irresponsible, unpleasant, stupid, rude, superficial, insecure, fat and ugly. They will try to “bring you back to reality”, to force you to behave as a “normal” person. Perhaps the closest will be the most cruel to you. If you are not confident enough in your ideas and desires, then you will not go far.
2. You do not have enough perseverance
In 2009, Karl Marlantes finally published the Matterhorn novel, based on his own recollections of the Vietnam War. The book has become a bestseller. The New York Times called it "one of the deepest and most impressive works of war." According to Mark Bowden, author of The Fall of the Black Hawk, Matterhorn is the greatest book about the Vietnam War.
How did Marlantes come to such a success? For as long as 35 years, he sought to have his book published. This is more than half of his life. He copied the manuscript six times. In the first two decades after writing the book, publishers rejected the novel, barely reading it.
There are quite a few such stories. Remember Walt Disney, who was considered untalented. For twenty years he persuaded Pamela Travers to agree to her books.
Most of us give up too quickly on our way to our cherished goal. But almost every success story is also a story of perseverance and struggle. Nothing really worth it comes easy.
3. You lack modesty
Just do not confuse modesty with shyness. Many people, having barely achieved something, begin to consider themselves experts in their field. Modesty means understanding that you know far from everything.
Really great people know that they don’t know anything.
It is interesting that people whose achievements do not constitute something supernatural love to talk about their success. They often become coaches and begin to teach everyone and everything how to achieve high results in their field. Conversely, people who “made themselves” achieved a real breakthrough in their industry, usually say little about how they managed to do this. They either downplay their achievements, or simply do not mention them. Instead, such people admit that they make mistakes, openly talk about their weaknesses and what they still have to learn.
4. You can’t connect and build strong relationships
In the modern world, the ability to communicate with people is extremely important. Even separate mastering trainings are held. In some industries without art, making connections is extremely difficult (for example, in the music industry). In addition, you just need to be able to ask people for help. However, sometimes our fear, self-doubt or, on the contrary, arrogance interfere with our communication with other people and make us miss valuable opportunities that could change our whole life.
66% of hired employees know someone from the company in which they will work. But even outside of business communication, the desire for isolation can negate all your efforts. In addition, it often leads to depression. The ability to build strong romantic relationships is also closely related to the ability to meet the right people and interact fruitfully with them.
5. You are more likely to argue than follow someone else’s advice.
The desire to prove that you are right, instead of improving yourself, is a guaranteed path to failure. To achieve success, you need to follow a cycle in which there is always feedback: try to do something → get feedback on the results → extract useful information from it → try something new.
People who are more likely to die than rethink their position often break this chain and do not accept feedback. Therefore, they will never change.
This does not mean that we should listen to all the advice that they give us. The point is to take into account the information that comes to us as feedback, regardless of whether we consider it useful or not. You should not strive to defend your position at all costs, only to look as if you were right all this time.
People who suffer from this problem are usually very smart and extremely insecure. This is a bad combination. The smarter a person is, the longer he will rationalize his failures and find excuses for himself. He uses all his intellect to build a protective mechanism for his fragile ego.
6. You get too distracted
We check the VKontakte, Facebook news feed, climb into the mailbox, again Facebook, VKontakte again, what a cool comic, share it on Facebook, check the mail again, reply to the VKontakte message, wow, pictures with cats, share and by them, we repeat from the very beginning.
Recognized yourself?
That's not what it's worth, is it?
7. You do not accept responsibility for what happens to you.
Find excuses for yourself all the time? So you will not move forward. To solve problems, you need to take control of your life. But you cannot take control of life unless you take responsibility for it. Therefore, if you do not take responsibility, you will fail.
Yes, it is very tempting to dump the blame for what is happening on external factors, to insist that you could not do anything, that you are not to blame, he came. But maybe it’s worth it to give yourself an imaginary slap in the face and soberly assess your contribution to the current situation? The faster you do this, the sooner you can fix it.
8. You do not believe that success is possible
To win, you need to believe in the possibility of victory. This is not self-belief, and there is nothing supernatural about it. Your subconscious ideas about your capabilities affect real productivity. For example, research Self-Deception and Its Relationship to Success in Competition. showed that athletes who have a positive idea of \u200b\u200btheir abilities, although not corresponding to reality, showed better results than athletes with a more realistic or pessimistic attitude.
In addition, people who overestimate their capabilities are much easier to climb. It’s easier for them to take action. And when you learn from your mistakes, in the end you come to success. Therefore, sometimes a little illusion can serve you for good.
9. Are you afraid to be indifferent
Many people catch the virus of indifference. Nothing really inspires them. Such people do not dare to devote themselves completely to any business, project or goal. Many of them quit what they started very quickly. Others just lose interest. And many lack the strength to even begin.
Chronic indifference is an insidious defense mechanism. It undermines the motivation and inspiration needed to get rid of it. So a person gets into a vicious circle.
At an unconscious level, many people are afraid to do whatever they can because they realize that they may fail. This failure can cause a stream of thoughts in them for which their psyche is not at all prepared: questions about their own significance, competence, the question of whether you are worthy of love, and so on.
Usually people using this mechanism get rid of it only when a new emotionally stressful situation occurs in their life that they manage to cope with.
10. At heart you think you don't deserve what you want
Moving up and down, we came to the main reason for the failures, which is often hidden behind the above. It is the certainty that you are not worthy of what you would like to receive.
Many (or even most) of us suppressed our most unpleasant feelings and ideas about ourselves, but from this they did not disappear. These ideas developed in different ways: they mocked someone at school, teachers or parents constantly kept saying that he would not achieve anything in life, someone who was not loved by their peers for their abilities. All this leaves an imprint that is difficult to get rid of. As a result, the very idea of \u200b\u200bachieving high results often causes discomfort in us.
If we feel that something does not rightfully belong to us, we always find a way to get rid of it.
The disadvantages and advantages of a high position make some feel like kings, while others feel like liars. Sometimes, when we approach success, a familiar inner voice begins to speak in us, “feeding” our fears and self-doubt, until we destroy everything that we have achieved. This may be a relationship with the best of the people we met, a dream job that we do not dare to start, a unique opportunity to engage in creativity, which we exchange for more practical exercises.
Whatever it is, hidden fears come to the surface and find a way to destroy what you are striving for. More precisely, they make you destroy it.
Here it is, the harshest truth behind our failures. It is all up to you. There is no one else in this equation. And while you deny it, your fear will not go anywhere. It will be an invisible barrier separating you from happiness. You will constantly fight against it, but you cannot break it. There is a solution, but you have to be prepared for pain and suffering. Otherwise, you will not be able to look into the eyes of that. You will face the same problems again and again. Time after time until you are ready to admit that they exist.
Why can't I make money, but for others does it work?
Why can't I get married, but others can?
Why can't I not yell at the children, but at others ...
Why can't I get out of work?
Why can't I get a salary?
Why can't I graduate?
It doesn’t work out good sex.
Short (long) urgent relationships do not work out.
It is impossible to be in a relationship with one person (and not in a love triangle).
I can’t live separately from my parents.
I can’t be friends with my parents.
It’s impossible to always love children.
It doesn’t work to be perfect.
It’s not easy to do business.
I can’t do exercises in the morning.
I can’t lose weight.
It’s impossible not to suffer after parting.
It’s impossible to build borders.
It’s impossible to never get angry and always be calm? !! .. But someone does it!
I hear this in my office every day many times.
This question (“Why isn’t it possible?”) Does not require an answer. This is an expression of pain, resentment and envy of those whom it is supposedly easy to live. Much easier than the one who "does not succeed."
Probably, somewhere in the depths of one’s souls many people have the hope that what a person wants can get, moreover, easily, without straining.
And if it’s difficult, then it’s necessary, as in childhood, to go to the parent and offended so to speak: “Why does Petya have a car, but I don’t?” What will the average parent answer? Maybe silently run to buy.
Or maybe he will strictly say: “So, Petya deserved it, and you, Vasya, should still try!” And then Vasya, as he knows how, will try to earn something from life. But something doesn’t get any easier, and no one gives out “goodies” for merits. Of course, it's a shame.
And in this children's mise-en-scene about Vasya there is one curious moment. The fact is that what is required of Vasya - for example, obedience, is not directly connected with getting a typewriter. It is connected indirectly: i.e. the parent knows that Vasya wants a typewriter and assigns it a reward for performing some actions. But Vasya’s head firmly affirms the idea that fulfilling a desire is somehow connected with obedience.
But in life it’s the opposite!
Let's take the very first question from the list: “Why can't I make money?”
That is - a person does something. And something does not work out for him.
It’s logical to know what exactly is doing? What, in fact, should happen, what action should lead to a real result? And, shit, in 95 cases out of 100 it turns out that a person is carefully listening to someone. The boss. Parents. "Ancestral voice," frightening death by starvation. Spouse. Etc. And this obedience should bring the desired results. Not labor, not effort, but obedience!
- Married? ... we obey different counselors, taking their advice out of context ..
- Do not yell? ... we obey the mother, who advised how to raise children - and children should want to grow up in this way ...
Etc. - continue on your own. And Vasya is looking for someone else to obey, and this “someone” would lead him by the hand in life.
- If someone will lay me down early - I will obey, and I will begin to get enough sleep ..
- If someone keeps me on a diet, I will surely obediently follow it and lose weight ..
- If someone gently takes my hand when I am going to yell at the child, I will hear him and calm down ...
If you’re already “big and don’t believe in fairy tales”, and you still “don’t succeed”, then it’s time to ask yourself the question: what specific actions am I doing so that I can “do it”? What specific actions aren't working out for me?
With a high degree of probability it turns out that all the actions that you do, you just do perfectly. It’s just that they don’t lead you to the goal in any way, because - banally - they are not connected with it at all!
Even for super-diligent work you will not be paid an order of magnitude more. But if you take on an additional layer of responsibility - and even manage to cope - this is another conversation!
In other words, we need a New Plan - in fact, those actions that will lead to the desired goal. The new Plan will not be universal - it will be unique and only yours. To create it, you will have to get to know yourself better, deal with your resources, capabilities and limitations.
Here, of course, it turns out that you don’t know something, you don’t know how, and in general it’s scary to change something, and it would be nice if someone prompted you to obey.))) In general, there are many traps of “obedience” on a way. Have to watch.
Perhaps I have everything for today. And I, as usual, do not pretend to cover the issue and the truth in the last resort.
Oh yes. By the way. Guess what those “others” have for “everything is easy”? Actually, their actions are directly related to the results. And the impression of lightness comes from the fact that they do not rely on obedience - they listen to themselves and do what they consider necessary - without internal protest, i.e. easily. Even if it is difficult for them. But it’s hard for everyone. At least because "The universe was created without taking into account the wishes of comfort for people" (FROM).
Thanks for your attention.
