How to control emotions - we learn to control ourselves. Managing emotions and feelings

Managing Emotions Emotions definitely play a big role in terms of their impact on our lives. Ben is currently experiencing difficult times in all aspects of his life, and all this is the result of his emotional states. What are the processes

Theories and Methods of Change Management There is no secret formula in the style of “Easy way to transform your organization”. This process is long, complex and very often ends in a big failure or is faced with sudden significant

Chapter Four 10 ways to manage emotions It will probably be wrong to say that we can learn to control our feelings in the short term, because we found out that for this we need to rebuild ourselves in many ways, free ourselves from complexes, fears,

Available description of methods and techniques managing emotions and feelings, resistance to stress, depression, anxiety and psychological tension.
(see how to get out of depression yourself)

I welcome you, dear visitors of the psychoanalytic office of Oleg Matveev, where you have the opportunity to ask a psychologist-psychoanalyst one question by e-mail.
  I wish you mental health!

Managing emotions is the essence of the matter

The life of such a person is freer, easier, he saves mental strength and protects himself from stress. Finding himself in a difficult situation, he correlates its importance with the main life values, and the timeliness of such a weighing normalizes his emotional state. In this case, the stressful situation is not considered in comparison with another event, but is assessed against the background of a general perspective, for example, the whole life of a person or all of humanity.

If you are too keen on the results, it is difficult for a person to be distracted and think about something else. From this, he experiences psychological tension and anxiety, which can be expressed in excessive excitement and unpleasant vegetative reactions (palpitations, drying out in the throat, rapid breathing, etc.), therefore, it is necessary to control the negative emotions of a person.

Feeling Management - Depression

To achieve the optimal effect in the activity and to eliminate the physiological and mental adverse effects of overexcitation, overstrain and restoration of psychological stability, it is desirable to slightly weaken the motivation.
  To this end, you can do different things:

For example, by controlling the emotions and feelings of a person, voluntary attention transfer helps to relieve psychological tension, its concentration is not on the significance of the result, but on the analysis of the reasons, technical details of the task and tactics.

Active and conscious activity of a person in the processing of information prevents the fixation of his attention on his own emotional unrest. So, if a person is not confident in himself and, overly worried, cannot get involved in the work productively, it is useful to consult with him on an important issue for you and ask for his help. Trying to help you, he will forget about his own insecurity and overcome his difficulties.

To create the optimal emotional and mental state, first of all, we need a correct assessment of the significance of the event, since a person is affected not so much by the intensity and duration of real events as their individual value. If the event is considered extreme, then even a factor of low intensity can cause maladaptation in a very short time.

It must be borne in mind that with strong emotional arousal, a person inadequately assesses the situation: a good prognosis becomes even more optimistic (dizziness from success), and a bad prognosis becomes even more gloomy.

Only sufficient awareness can correctly determine the personal significance of the event, therefore, an effective means of restraint is foresight. The more information you have on a matter of concern to you, the less likely you are to have an emotional breakdown.

It follows that by all means you need to increase the amount of information about the problem of concern to you.

Awareness should be diverse. It is useful to prepare indentation strategies in advance - this reduces excessive excitement and makes the success of solving the problem in the general direction more likely. Spare strategies reduce the fear of an unfavorable solution and thereby contribute to the creation of an optimal background for solving the problem.

In some circumstances, when a continuation of efforts turns into meaningless attempts to “punch a wall with his forehead,” it is useful for a person to temporarily abandon efforts to immediately achieve the goal, put up with the inevitable, and realize the real situation and his defeat. Then he will be able to save his strength for a new attempt in a more favorable environment.

Emotion Management - Stress

It is no coincidence that in ancient times in the East, people asked in their prayer: “Lord, give me strength to cope with what I can do, give me courage to come to terms with what I cannot do, and give me wisdom, to distinguish one from the other "

Attempts to influence a very excited person through persuasion, as a rule, are unsuccessful. Their futility is due to the fact that he selects, perceives, remembers and takes into account only all of the information communicated to the worried interlocutor that corresponds to his dominant (dominant) emotional state.

Therefore, the desire to reassure a person, convincing him that one should not be upset that the offense is not so great that the object of love does not deserve the feelings experienced for him, can only cause him an insult and the idea that he is not understood. When a person is in a state of intense excitement, help him defuse emotion.

It is not necessary to interrupt an emotionally agitated person, it is better to let him speak out to the end, otherwise he will raise his voice, become rude, and “break loose”. When a person speaks out, his excitement decreases, and at that moment there is an opportunity to control him, to explain something to him. He becomes accessible, he already hears not only himself, he can realize his mistakes and make the right decision.

Management of emotions and feelings - emotional excitement

The physiological basis of temporary immunity to counterargument during overexcitation and psychological tension is the dominant focus of excitation in the cerebral cortex, which has the ability to inhibit all other foci and thereby makes a person deaf to everything that does not correspond to his mood.

No one is safe from accidents, irreparable losses, difficult situations. And here it is advisable not to confine oneself to experience, not to concentrate on it, not to give way to depression and indifference, but to act, seek a way out, try more and more new options. A person living with hope for the future is easier to bear suffering in the present.

Any change in the direction of thoughts distracts a person from the cause of emotional upheaval and thereby contributes to overcoming prostration and finding ways to new goals. The transfer of grief helps the implementation of appropriate customs and rituals, stereotypical forms of behavior also reduce the emotional burden. A person in misfortune, having lost incentives, the meaning of life, should be encouraged to any activity, even if not very appropriate.

The adverse effect of moral overload is enhanced by physical "underloads". The more stressful the day, the greater the load it is advisable to give yourself at the end of it. If the reduction of nerve loads does not always depend on us (although this is largely a controllable matter), then physical loads are completely regulated by us, therefore, as taught by IP Pavlov, “it is passion to drive into muscles”.

The need to defuse emotional tension in movement sometimes manifests itself in the fact that a person is rushing around the room, tearing something.

In order to quickly normalize your condition after trouble, it is useful to give yourself increased physical activity: chop wood, go home on foot, etc. For example, when waiting for an exam or a very important meeting, it is easier to bear internal stress if you just walk back and forth than sitting completely still.

The involuntary contraction of individual muscles (tic), which occurs in many at the time of excitement, is a reflexively strengthened form of discharge of emotional stress. As soon as a person begins to move, the excitement decreases.

Psychological Trauma and Feeling Management

A new dominant center of excitation in the cerebral cortex can suppress or at least weaken the focus of excitation associated with mental trauma. One of the important features of dominant processes is that with the simultaneous existence of two dominant (dominant) foci, a mutual weakening of their strength occurs.

There are cases when a person who had a neurosis due to an internal conflict suddenly recovered, having faced a real physical threat or having learned that a threat hung over a person close to him.

To manage their feelings and the feelings of other people, it is advisable to use circumventive maneuvers, self-distraction and switching to other goals. Thus, the experience of failure in personal life can be weakened by social work, art or scientific activity.

The basis of the switch is the active creation of a new dominant (the new dominant emotion), as a result of its strengthening, a subjective possibility of distraction is created.

In addition to physical movement, switching, there are other ways to reduce stress, for example, to consult, just talk to a friend, listen to music or even cry. No matter how bitter the tears are, they contribute to the discharge of negative emotions - after them the soul is brighter. “A tear always flushes away something and bears comfort,” wrote V. Hugo.

The hero of the story by A.P. Chekhov "Longing" - the cabman - his son died. The old man wants to take his soul, tell someone about his grief. But no one wants to listen to him. In the evening he feeds the horse and finally pours out a tormented soul on it. As soon as the old man shared his grief, he immediately felt better.

And since emotions are contagious, bad relationships spread like an avalanche. In an environment of deteriorating relations, one of the most traumatic moments is an unfair assessment by others.

It is important to remember here that growing emotional stress is accompanied by a transition to other than in a calm state, behaviors and other principles for evaluating external events.

It is possible to overcome grief over unfavorable evaluations actively and passively. If a person ceases to identify with the group that formed the assessment, this is a passive way. When he casts doubt on those values \u200b\u200bthat guided people who expressed unfavorable judgments against him, for example, through an ironic attitude towards offenders, this is an active way.

To conclude, we turn once again to N. A. Roerich, who wrote: “Every joy is already a new path, a new opportunity. And every despondency will already be a loss even of that small, than at this moment we have. Every mutual bitterness, every forgiveness of resentment will already be a direct suicide or an obvious attempt to it. You won’t save by shouting, you won’t convince by order, but the bright one “rejoice”, true, like a lamp in the darkness, will scatter all heartfelt constraints and eclipses ”.

(Quotations from the book Granovskaya RM "Elements of practical psychology").

FAQ:

Do you often lose your temper in difficult situations? Agree, inability to control your emotions often interferes with life. Therefore, managing them is very important. Do not know how? We will tell you!

What are emotions?

There are several definitions of the concept of “emotion”. Some call this concept expression with the help of voice and face movement of spiritual experiences. Others are situational manifestations of feelings (short and fast). Still others are feelings that are expressed specifically for others. In other words, if we summarize all the definitions, then emotions are expressive movements that carry information about a person’s state and convey his attitude to a particular action or event.

Emotions come in several forms:

• positive - forgiveness, joy, admiration, enjoyment, etc.
• negative - envy, hatred, anger, anger, irritation, etc .;
• neutral - taking on different shades in different situations (for example, surprise).

Why is it necessary to control emotions?

The ability to manage your emotions is very important for any person. Firstly, emotions often arise in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Secondly, our emotions can hurt the people around us. Thirdly, if we are overwhelmed with emotions, it will be much more difficult for us to concentrate on something. Excessive emotions make it difficult to relax and rest. The ability to manage emotions is a sign of a developed personality and a well-mannered person who is able to control his feelings even in situations where it is very difficult. The ability to manage emotions needs to be developed. You can do this on your own or with the help of specialists who will give you practical advice.

How to learn to manage your emotions?

Not one book has been devoted to the acquisition of emotions management skills. This issue is being studied by a science such as psychology. We will try to briefly summarize the most basic tips on how you can gain control over yourself.

1. Watch your face. While the emotion has not gained strength, remove it by changing the expression on your face to a more neutral one. If you can do this, then the passions will immediately subside. If this causes difficulties for you, then you must resort to training the skill of calm presence. This skill is one of the most effective and easiest ways to control your own feelings. Its essence is as follows: create a list of situations in which your face expresses emotions (twists, wrinkles, twitches and the like). This often happens in situations where you have to do something unpleasant. Take this household situation (such as washing dishes) under control and exercise a calm face. After a couple of weeks, you will begin to succeed, and after six months, you will develop an appropriate habit. Your face will remain calm in any situation, and at the same time your character will become balanced and calm. You can achieve a greater effect by shooting yourself in the video. So you can see how you learned to rule yourself, and this will inspire you to further training. If you want to teach a child to gain control over himself, it will be enough to give him a command every time: “Stop, wait a minute without moving a smile!”, And in a minute you will see the result.

2. Watch your breath.  Your emotional state will immediately change if you change the rhythm and respiratory rate. If you need to raise your energy, it is enough to do exercises, accompanied by sharp and strong exhalations. If you need to calm down, start taking quiet breaths and exhalations.

3. Learn to manage your thoughts, as they tend to control our attention.If you think about the positive aspects of life, then you start up positive emotions (negative thoughts generate negative emotions). Your task is to avoid negative thoughts. This can be done by switching to other, more positive thoughts. To do this, you must either pronounce positive phrases aloud, or imagine bright positive pictures (for example, beautiful flowers, a rainbow, etc.).

4. Learn how to manage your mood. The emotions that you experience depend on your mood. Therefore, your task is to constantly improve your mood. The easiest way is to choose an action that boosts your mood and do it every time. For example, you raise your spirits by walking in the park, in this case, every time your mood spoils, go for a walk in the park.

If you approach the issue from the side of psychohygiene, then the following exercises will help you find lasting joy:

• start taking photos of your displeased face. You will not like it, and you will subconsciously look for an option on how to make a person happy;
• standing near the mirror, repeat the phrase ten times: "What a bad mood I have." As a rule, after the fifth repetition, a smile appears, and the mood becomes much better;
• if you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, and you are in the grip of a bad mood, smile as wide as possible and keep this smile for a while. You will immediately feel that negative emotions recede;
• laugh sharply - the mood will immediately improve;
• distract from negative thoughts, switching your attention to positive moments;
• mentally talk to yourself, asking questions: “Why do I need this emotion? What are the benefits of this emotion? Is it possible to react to the situation in another way? ” In a dialogue with yourself, negative emotions will leave you;
• recharge with other people's emotions - a smile will cause a reciprocal smile;
• use chromotherapy and aromatherapy. Surround yourself with bright color pictures that enhance your mood, your favorite smells;
• know yourself. The more you know yourself, the better you will learn to control your emotions and your mood. Try to talk more with your friends and relatives about your feelings, then over time you will learn to determine exactly what kind of emotion owns you at a given time, and you will control it;
• use self-motivation. Define those goals that will move you forward, give you strength to overcome negative emotions, control your emotions;
• tune in to positive. Simply relate to any life situation and try in each, even the most difficult of them, to see something good;
• avoid negativity. Choose your emotions yourself and don't let anyone influence them;
• learn to let go of the situation. In the life of each person there are a sufficient number of events that leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Release these situations, get rid of the load, which prevents you from moving forward;
• read books. Reading books, you get a large number of impressions and positive emotions. The book helps to combat bad mood and depression, helps to achieve inner harmony;
• choose a hobby or passion for your liking. Then you will not have time for negativity, all your free time will be devoted to your favorite business;
• change the scenery. Take a break from events and people that cause you negative emotions and recharge with positive impressions.

Why is it important to know how to manage your emotions and feelings?

Strong emotions can add bright colors to your life, but at the same time they can destroy your health and psyche. Negative emotions dull your sensitivity to other people and contribute to the destruction of relationships with others. All your energy resources are spent on experiences, which means that you will not have enough to achieve anything meaningful. For example, negative emotions can interfere with your career if you cannot control them in the negotiation process.

As for health, negative emotions are the cause of many diseases, both psychological and physical in nature. Therefore, it is very important to prevent neurological reactions by controlling negative emotions in order to avoid sad consequences. People who have been under stress for a long time put their health at great risk (psychosomatics). This is especially important for students and schoolchildren during exams. Is a person able to cope with this? Yes, of course. Taking control of your emotions, you will become the master of your life and make it happy and harmonious.

I welcome you, dear visitors of the site of psychotherapeutic care, today, in the section of self-help, you will find out how to manage your emotions and feelings  using a simple cognitive therapy technique

How to learn to manage your emotions

You are presented with the cognitive technique of Socratic dialogue with yourself, so that learn to manage your emotions  and feelings.

How to bounce back and get rid of anger, especially if it is really unreasonable, and how not to become aggressive at the same time?

To find out how to manage emotions, let's understand the cognitive model.

Its essence: “As I think - this is how I feel and how I feel - and how I behave (including the physiological reactions of the body)”

That is, our feelings and emotions, and along with them behavioral and physiological reactions (blood pressure, rapid or slowed breathing, increased sweating, a lump in the throat, redness of the skin and so on) directly depend on our thinking, on our interpretation of the traumatic , stressful situation (in our example - the behavior of a friend).

The scheme of the cognitive error process (thinking error) is as follows:

Stressful situation - Dysfunctional automatic thought (Autosense) or representation (image) - Emotion (feelings) - Behavior (and / or physiological reactions).

In fact, in order to return to normal health, we can break this chain anywhere, for example, by changing the situation: there will be no thoughts about it - there will be no emotions ...

But the situation can not always be changed, especially since the incomplete situation with the car and not worked out emotion is preserved in the head, in the depths of the psyche, and then will manifest itself, for example, in a relationship.

Emotion itself, or its corresponding behavior, is difficult to change, especially when you are experiencing it at the moment. Therefore, we will detect and change dysfunctional automatic thoughts (in abbreviated form - car thoughts).

We turn to the practice of using this technique to control emotions

Maybe I thought that my dear friend, how attentive to me?

Unlikely! I guess I thought that he doesn’t love and respect me, since he behaves like this? (thoughts are quick, so you need to catch them intuitively)

Well, this thought fits: “He does not respect me,” so I got angry and was ready to nail him.

You ask yourself the question: “How much do I believe in this idea that my friend does not respect me?” (From 0 to 100%) ... say 90% (write it down)

How strong, intense is my emotion of anger? (from 0 to 100%) ... let's say 80% (write it down).

To do this, we conduct a dialogue with ourselves: we ask and answer ourselves the following questions:

1) What is the evidence supporting this idea?

We write out the evidence (arguments) of ten pieces.

For example: He does not respect me, because he did not lend.

And we prove ...

2) What is the evidence contrary to this idea?

Here we find more evidence than in the previous question.

For example: He respects me because ....

3) Are there alternative explanations for this idea?

For example: He doesn’t respect me, he just had a bad mood ... he didn’t have money ....

4) What is the worst that can happen if he does not respect me?

For example: we will stop being friends

5) Imagine what happened and ask myself: “Can I survive this?”

6) What is the best thing that can happen if he does not respect me?

For example: he will respect me.

7) What is the real thing that can happen if he does not respect me?

For example: we will find out the relationship, and continue the friendship.

8) What are the consequences of my belief in this idea that he does not respect me?

For example: I accumulate negativity, and we quarrel.

9) What are the consequences of changing this thought?

For example: I will stop getting angry, accumulate negatives, and I can solve this problem.

10) What should I do in this regard?

For example: change your attitude (thinking) to a specific situation ....

11) What could I advise a loved one in the same situation?

We write down a large adaptive answer, for example: “MY MOOD DOES NOT DEPEND ON RESPECTING ME OTHERS”. (Then, it can be re-read several times, to consolidate the result).

How much% do I now believe in this idea that he does not respect me? For example, 30%. (or do not believe at all).

What is the strength (intensity) of my anger? For example: I no longer have anger (or so much%).

If you did everything right, then faith in the car will decrease or disappear altogether, as will the power of emotion, and you will feel better!

In the same way, you can control other emotions and feelings, thoughts and behavior, including obsessions ....

As soon as you feel a change in mood or a manifestation of negative emotion (feelings), immediately ask yourself: “What did I just think about?”, And find an adaptive answer.

Psychological Journal.

“If you hate, then you have been defeated”
  (c) Confucius

Agree, without emotions you would be bored?

Emotions  make life rich and interesting. And, at the same time, they are able to destroy your psyche, health, destiny ...

To prevent this from happening, you need understand, accept and manage  their emotions.

This is confirmed by spiritual sources:

“You must strive for emotional harmony and tranquility within the illusory world of the higher fourth dimension, as you try to adapt to the mental plane of the environment of the lower fifth dimension.”

(c) Archangel Michael through Ronne Herman. May 2015

How so achieve emotional harmony? Read the article, and much will become clear to you.

What is the difference between emotions and feelings

To begin, we will analyze the concepts emotions and feelings, communication and differences between them.

Emotion  - this is impulsive reaction  person on what is happening at the moment. It is a short-term state and reflects the attitude towards the event. Comes from lat. emovere - excite, excite.

Feeling  Is an emotional experience reflecting steady attitude  person to the world, significant people and objects. Feelings are not related to a specific situation.

Character  is a set of human qualities that affect behavior and reactions  in various life situations.

To summarize: emotions, as opposed to feelings, situational, this is a temporary experience of the immediate moment. Simply put, we perceive the world around us with feelings, and we react to it with emotions.

Consider this for example  football fans during a match.

They were brought to the game by a feeling of love, interest in this sport (this is their constant state).

And in the match itself, they experience short-term emotions: enjoyment and admiration for the game, the joy of victory or the disappointment of defeat.

We usually feel Soulbut express our beliefs with emotions.

Also, through emotions manifest our feelings  (joy at the sight of a loved one, anger at the sight of a “hated enemy”).

At the same time, emotions and feelings are situational may not match  or contradict each other. Example: mom got mad at her beloved child.

Depending on the character, people show different emotions in the same situations.

For example: the profit of a company has fallen.

If the owner is positive in life  man, he’s a little upset, but will quickly pull himself together and will take effect. He will open his attitude to the problem as a motivation for creativity.

For a weaker person, the same situation will cause state of apathy, inactivity, depression.

If you have a depressed, depressed state for no particular reason, or even a reluctance to live, what does this mean?

How unbalanced emotions
  ruining your life

What happens if you do not understand or do not want to understand and control your emotions?

Relations with people spoil

A person captured by emotions dullness of sensitivity  to the people around him, even to those close to him.

Therefore, people in the “inflated” state have time to tell each other a lot of unpleasant and even hurtful words.

Habitual  An emotional response shapes your mood and character.

For example, if you don’t work with your resentment, the “character of the victim” will form. You will react sharply to the slightest comments of others, enter into frequent conflicts, and then feel miserable  and depressed.

Your performance drops

You spend your energy resources  to endless exhausting experiences.

As a result, you may not have enough strength for your implementation and achieve success.

Write cases from your life when emotions unsettle you. How did you deal with this?

A non-standard approach to solving problems ... an algorithm of 3 steps.

Your attitude towards yourself is getting worse

An excess of negative emotions creates the belief that “everything is wrong in life” or “everything is against me”.

As a result, you have self-esteem falls. You can blame and blame yourself, even get depressed.

Your health is ruining

Uncontrolled emotions play a large role in the occurrence of many diseases. It is called psychosomatics.

Surely, you know the expression "the disease has developed on a nervous basis"?

This happens when

• excessive emotional response  (hysteria, winding yourself up),
• looping  on negative emotions (when you feel constantly guilty or offended)
• denial and suppression  their emotions (“you can’t get angry with mom”).

A detailed transcript of the meaning of disease from Louise Hay

And to deny and wind up your emotions is not an option. So you just ruin your life and make it unbearable.

If you want to achieve success in life, you need to learn understand and control  your emotions.

How to manage your emotions

It is possible to make a quality decision to get out of any difficult situation if you are in a state of emotional balance. The only way you soberly appreciatese what is happening and are able to act adequately.

1. Recognize the presence of emotion and name it

To work with emotions, you must first recognize their existence.

Learn to call your emotions: I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm happy. Look for shades of emotional states - there are more than a hundred of them!

Recognize at least to myselfthat you have “negative”, “disapproving” emotions: cowardice, gloating, curiosity to delve into other people's secrets ...

If you don’t fully understand your feelings, then you don’t understand what role emotions play for you personally.

FROM making any of your emotions  begins the ability to control them.

Otherwise, for any similar situations  you will be forced to experience an emotional explosion and walk endlessly in a circle.

2. Analyze what your emotions say

Learn to be aware of what essence and value  your emotions, especially “negative” ones.

• About what signal  your feelings
• What do your attention?
• What is worth thinking about?
• What should be changed?

Be honest with yourself when answering these questions.

Perhaps resentment indicates recognition needand anger protects from a destructive person in your life.

Or maybe you’re used to hysterical behavior to get wish  from intractable people? In this case, you should look for other options ...

Once you understand the value behind the surge of emotions, they automatically subside.

3. Do not take to personal account

Learn not to take on personal account  everything that happens to you.

If your husband or boss yelled at you, this does not mean that you have done something wrong.

Perhaps they are in a bad mood, this has nothing to do with you personally. It’s just that you were in the wrong place and at the wrong time.

Do not get involved in this negative, reacting with emotion resentment or anger. However, you have the right to calmly and correctly defend your borders.

4. Apply meditation and spiritual practices

If you are prone to emotional outbursts or prolonged experiences, you have high sensitivity - learn to calm down  even in the most difficult situations.

This helps meditations. Even after a short practice, you will feel relaxed, the intensity of emotions will subside.

Regular meditations will set your brain for more positive thinking.

During meditation, the brain changes the frequency of electrical impulses to deep and calm alpha waves. They cause a state of peace and relaxation in a person.

Another simple and effective technique is breathing. Take a deep breath and exhale several times into the ground.

5. Act in a new way

Accustom yourself to react in a new way habitual  “Negative” situations.

For example, you can try to translate the emerging scandal as a joke, and thus discharge  the setting.

Simple practices for overcoming an emotionally charged situation

If it doesn’t occur to you how to act differently, practice  this in a playful way (for example, at trainings). You can draw inspiration from books, films.

6. Understand the nature of emotions

Read books and articles about emotions: why they arise, how they affect the body and consciousness.

Every person given the opportunity  keep yourself in a positive mood.

Deliberate  a person knows how to control himself, track and manage his emotions.

Do not suppress emotions in yourself, but understand the causes of their occurrence both in yourself and in others.

And by this, manage your lifecreating more happiness and inner harmony in it!

P.S. Perhaps the most important step towards emotional healing is the ability to to forgive  their offenders, let go of the pain of their past.