How to get rid of a sense of worthlessness. How to get rid of a feeling of helplessness and pull yourself together
Question to the psychologist
Hello! I’m 34 years old. At the moment a housewife (since recently underwent surgery for a sinus fistula) I don’t even know where to start ... since my condition has been arriving with me for a long time ... depression .. apathy. Panic fear .. and now it has come to the point that I have already suggested that I will die soon ... I consider myself a burden for my husband .... it seems to me that he is suffering with me ... (not long ago I had an operation not serious and she went through not well requires repetition) we live together with her husband we have 2 children .. relatives and friends we do not have .. always ourselves out of a difficult situation ... (we live on a temporary registration .... we rent a house ... every time we encounter difficulties) because of all this .... I felt unwell ... tired ... pressure. constant thoughts .. .. there is no feeling of lightness always in tension. in excitement ... constant quarrels in the family ... as a result, I began to be overwhelmed by the thought that I was a burden (recently my husband didn’t joke ordinary with my friend that if it weren’t for me, then He would have been with her. It made me even more think that this person doesn’t need me. Although he loves me very much and said that he joked about that situation ... n I can’t persuade me as if the program of uselessness was launched in me). For my husband .... (I began to impose on myself that I was going to die soon .. although I myself was scared of it and I don’t want to think about it but my condition makes me think about it). Tell me what is it? what happens to me how to continue to be? With respect to you!
Hello Reginka!
If you did not indicate your age at the very beginning, you could assume that you are 16 years old. You write your name in a diminutive form, in your letter - solid dots, symbols of uncertainty and disorientation, you are more concerned about whether your husband needs you and not how your children need you. And this phrase of yours suggests me why you feel like a scared teenager:
we have no near and dear ones .. we always come out of a difficult situation ourselves.
Solving the problems of adulthood - relationships, raising children, making money, caring for health - feeling like a frightened teenager is really very difficult. But why did it happen that you feel so at 34? Maybe because you have never missed your family and friends and their care? Maybe that’s exactly what you and your husband rallied and that’s why it’s so scary now when you can lose this support? And is it so scary that it's easier to die?
Then your children will also learn what a shortage of love is, because maternal care cannot be replaced by anything. And if you do not wish them this, then you need to develop self-confidence and inner peace. And the nutrient medium of these qualities is a friendly circle of communication. Find a support group or a psychotherapeutic group in which you will feel comfortable, and I think this will help you deal with current problems. Individual work with a psychologist is also a good option.
Sincerely, Elena Livach, psychologist, St. Petersburg.
Good answer4 Bad answer0Regina, good afternoon!
I understand that the tension that you have to endure now in connection with various life circumstances is enormous. Support, it seems, but a husband, few people give you ... And your illness, perhaps, is a reflection of the stress of all family members, not just you. But! Surrendering and starting a self-destruct program is not an option. Maintaining such thoughts and states is tantamount to suicide - and you imagine how terrible this is? In your case, it’s better to let off steam on someone than on yourself !!!
If you value yourself, love and respect you will not start again - who will give it to you ??? Believe me, it is only in your power to make a decision and begin to climb out of this emotional pit. I’m sure that you have experience in successfully overcoming difficult situations, and you can handle this too, BUT, if you make such a decision and begin to move towards the goal. Be sure to remember or find new books, films, anything that motivates you and pulls you out of apathy. (For me, this is the movie "Secret", the book of M. Norbekov, I’m sure that you have one too ..) And do some small thing right now, but it’s so good, so high-quality, to feel pride, self-respect.
This childhood self-esteem was the result of evaluations of our relatives. In adulthood, self-esteem is the result of your choice and your actions at every moment. If you do something good, quality, it rises. If you agree with "so-so", "not to the end" - it goes down.
And I would also suggest that you fantasize - who and what is a burden in your life? Where did you hide your second part - a strong, bold aggressive Regina?
In general, the main idea is everything, let's get out of depression, you are not alone, and you still have not completed so many peaks in life, 34 years is just the very age for a new start! All the best to you!
Maria Efimova,
practicing psychologist, coach, Tyumen
How painfully painful it is for those who have fallen in love with none. It does not matter whether he is married or too aggressive, unpredictable, or it became boring and uninteresting with him. Regardless of the reason, a feeling that yesterday brought joy can turn into something that interferes with life. And only you yourself are capable of helping yourself in this situation, believing that it is in your power to free yourself from suffering and pain, and deciding to achieve this, contrary to everything and everyone.
How to get rid of feelings and emotions
Sometimes life presents unpleasant surprises. Yesterday this man caused a storm of emotions, and today there is only one desire, as soon as possible to get rid of any feelings for him. Because they interfere with rational thinking, life, poison existence, create problems and obviously do not leave a chance for a happy personal life. Indeed, when an interesting representative of the opposite sex appears on the horizon, memories immediately come up about how the former was once well and became ill or how much better he is than the rest.
And here either fears arise, whether the same thing happens with this man, or the chances of creating new relationships disappear due to the fact that the woman is not ready to meet someone who, in her opinion, does not reach the former. This confusion of feelings in the soul makes us again and again experience everything that has happened and is happening, leaving no chance to restore harmony in the soul and understand what really needs to be done in order to free ourselves and build a happy personal life.
It is necessary to direct forces at such a difficult moment in order to get rid of these feelings in spite of all the difficulties that arise on the way. And the first step should be the realization and acceptance of the fact that they bring nothing but problems and suffering. Allowing them to command and drown out the mind, you seem to give the right to control yourself to someone who was not able to reciprocate or did not live up to your hopes.
And there is no need to be afraid that it will not work to get free, otherwise you run the risk of really believing in it. In order not to get stuck in this state for a long time, do not focus too much on getting rid of emotions. Pay attention to this problem when you are completely unbearable, and you feel that you need to do something to at least reduce the severity and intensity of emotions, until you can cope with them completely.
When they still do not interfere much, but only a little worry, allow yourself to do your usual business, without delving into feelings. The longer you will be immersed in a variety of activities, work, communication with friends, the easier it is to cope with feelings. Over time, they will lose their sharpness, and step by step you will be able to free yourself from them by accepting the fact that it is exclusively in your hands.
Remember, focus on suffering, attempts to solve them in one fell swoop will only aggravate the situation. It is not so easy to actually get rid of feelings instantly. Without patience and focus on victory, changing the situation will not work. So be patient and allow yourself sometimes just to feel this sadness, longing, despair and resentment. Realizing that they are as much an integral part of life as positive emotions.
In general, it is very useful to look at what is happening from the side to figure out what really bothers you. The fact is that when a person is addicted, believing that this is love, then a lot of problems arise. Because you can really only get rid of addiction. She herself will not disappear. It is difficult for a dependent partner to survive the breakup and collapse of hopes.
With his mind he is able to understand that something is wrong, but his psyche requires habitual strong emotions. Therefore, it is so important to find strength to admit to yourself that a feeling that interferes with life is just a painful addiction, perfectly disguised as a strong feeling.
When it is love, it does not bring suffering, it gives joy and allows you to feel happy. Everything else is definitely not her. Passion, affection, habit, addiction, but not love. This is a dependence on certain emotions that give such a relationship, but they have nothing to do with true love.
The inability to calmly end parting, the need to control a person, to know where he is, the fear of losing him, the belief that you can’t live without him, the willingness to tolerate his incomprehensible behavior, are all signs of dependence.
Love makes you see the best in a person, it teaches you to trust him, rejoice at his successes, worry about not hurting, avoid selfish actions and manipulations with the help of scandals, threats or tears. She can leave, but after her there is no ruin in her soul, but only light sadness and wonderful memories that she was, along with gratitude to the one who was able to awaken this feeling.
True love leaves quietly, it does not need to be fought, it does not need to be "pulled out" of the heart. The one who loves, wishes the beloved only happiness, and therefore lets go, rejoicing that he is better.
Realizing that it is not love that is certainly painful to torment, but just the need of the psyche to receive negative emotions, it pains the person subconsciously, as it makes no sense to hold on to this dependence. After all, it does not represent for him any value, which can not be said about love. Anyone who knows how to understand this will easily get rid of the feelings that destroy him.
Photo: How to get rid of love for a man
- You can’t blame yourself and try to understand why this happened, why you didn’t choose why the hopes were not realized, why you were not lucky. These thoughts will only aggravate the situation and will not let go, constantly making you think about it and look for an answer that does not exist. This can happen to anyone. No one is immune from failures and problems in relationships. And this must be accepted. Anyone has the right to be weak and insecure, to try, correct, change and make mistakes. It is impossible to be right and good all the time, just as it is impossible to live without difficulties and suffering.
- Imagine this is happening to your close friend, so you can advise her. They would explain why she needed to forget him, and let her feelings go. Try to find a way for her to admit that she is addicted. Is it enough just to say this or is it necessary to find some arguments and signs that this is really an addiction and an unhealthy habit, and not love.
- Be sure to remember all the shortcomings of this man. In all the details, with some hidden pleasure, list everything, describe and understand that you can only feel indifference to such a man unworthy of you, and not worry about him.
- When criticized in your presence, do not stop. Let people share their thoughts about him. They clearly noticed what you missed. So you learn a lot and make sure once again that this is clearly not the hero of your novel.
- Do not try to fill a vacant place with a new boyfriend. It is unlikely that you would advise your girlfriend to have a new novel, on the principle of "wedge them with a wedge." This is fraught with serious problems if you don’t figure out why you mixed up the addiction with love, why you spent so much time on the person you now want to get rid of.
- Ahead is serious work on oneself in order to realize that this is just a neurotic addiction, which it is time to get rid of, so as not to be in a similar situation again and again. Therefore, for your own protection, you need to spend time and think about how to get rid not of feelings, they will disappear, but of the usual behavior when choosing men, which creates problems.
- And be sure to fill your life with new impressions and pleasant emotions, instead of immersing yourself in memories, further inflating feelings that should disappear. You are always welcome in shelters for homeless animals, orphanages, environmental and public organizations. The help provided to others will fill you with pride and joy. And this is what you need.
Photo: How to get rid of love for a man
No one is immune from mistakes and disappointments. Life is so arranged and it can only be accepted. But if this cannot be avoided and changed, this does not mean at all that you do not have the strength to cope with this and learn to get out of such situations with the least loss for yourself. The main thing is to remember that faith in yourself and your success, no matter what you do and whatever you strive for, works wonders. Want to get what you want, believe that it is in your power and you will succeed.
It happens that you suffer from unrequited love or your loved one suddenly decides to leave you. How to get rid of love for a person who does not give you anything more than suffering alone? Where to put your feelings and how to turn this page of your personal life?
Although they say that no one knows what love is, this is actually not the case, and psychologists have long considered it to be something of a sudden mental disorder.
Indeed, euphoria is replaced by depression, a sense of strength is replaced by complete passivity, peace - by excitement. If you describe all the signs abstractly, then any neuropathologist can qualify such a condition as acute psychosis and offer to undergo treatment.
Unfortunately, if anyone even thinks of treating love, then only when she has moved into her neglected phase and the treatment is almost unsuccessful.
That is why, if you want to get rid of a feeling of love that does not bring you joy, it is better not to start the process and get to work immediately after parting.
How to get rid of unhappy love
Try to understand the problem from the logical side. What do you get when falling in love, are there any advantages to this feeling? Indeed, in any situation, even when love is mutual, it brings nothing but excitement. Lovers periodically quarrel, it overwhelms you with negative emotions, but is it worth putting your peace of mind in dependence on another person?
The most severe form of slavery is voluntary slavery. Isn't that the form of painful love? You have to spend a lot of nerves and energy, not to mention time, to get rid of love, and what could you get in return, even if this person remained with you, his indifference?
Look carefully at the object of your passion. Doesn't he have flaws? And over the years they will only become more noticeable.
The vaccination method works great when it comes to love. In other words, in order not to seriously fall ill with love, from time to time allow yourself to come off. Start a short novel, and as soon as it begins to go into a serious phase.
Ruthlessly cut it off. After several such experiments, you can be sure that you are reliably insured against love. Just try not to overdo it, because in large doses, the medicine can become poison.
The first method: Distraction for activity
Often, people make a mistake trying to get rid of love and self-hypnosis like: “I don’t love him (her) anymore”, “I won’t think about him (her)”, “I’m not interested in anything that’s with him (her) ) connected ”, etc. And such auto-training leads to the opposite result.
A person literally zombies himself with such thoughts, because these settings make you again and again return to the memories of the experienced moments and everything connected with them.
Therefore, you should turn your attention and engage in useful activities so that there is no free time. Go in for sports - physical activity helps well "have nothing to think about." In addition, change your hobby, go to the pool, visit cultural places, go on a non-resident or overseas trip, etc.
The second method: Not quality, but quantity
This method can be said to be mandatory. Its essence is as follows: start an affair with a man, and preferably not with one. Firstly, among several applicants there are more chances to choose a worthy one, and secondly, it will significantly increase self-esteem and you will gain a lot of positive emotions. Moreover, as practice shows, this method, especially in conjunction with the first, is quite easy, and most importantly - effective.
The third method: "Obsession"
This is a backup way to get rid of love in case the first still did not help. Obsession consists in the following: to get enough of the image of the “beloved” to such an extent that he is tired. To do this, paste his photos everywhere, if possible, listen to his voice until you become bored and you want to get rid of him.
Fourth Method: Shock
A powerful method that turns an object of unhappy love into an antipathy character. To do this, imagine the image of the “beloved”, and then convince the brain, mocking the image so that the object of love turns into an ugly repulsive character. This will help you get rid of the feeling of love.
Photoshop will come to the aid of weak imagination. Mock at the photo, and hang the result on the wall and often look at it. To enhance the effect, you can paint on paper all the negative character traits and also re-read them. Imagine various situations, and how ugly, unworthy and off-grade your “beloved” could go into them.
And most importantly, remember that the light has not converged on anyone, and in front of you is waiting for a mutual wonderful feeling with a worthy person.
How to stop thinking about your beloved when a break occurs:
It is very difficult to experience a break with a loved one, especially since this pain is not treated with medications. But we are able to get rid of love and survive all by ourselves, we always have the strength to make our lives better. It is clear that only time will be able to fully change our thoughts, but we must help him and stop thinking about people. Forgive this person, say “thank you,” because it was he who showed you what you are capable of for the sake of love;
Forgive and let go, so take out of sight everything that reminds of him. Yes, he is not with you, but he is alive, he is not a cripple and that’s great. After all, you are alive, and you can be happy at any time whenever you want;
You should not plunge into the work, it’s still a little useless, it’s better now to spend a lot of free time on yourself: fitness, a cosmetologist, a stylist, new friends, trips to amazing places. The surest way to get rid of love and stop thinking about a person is to become an object of new love. Start attracting her from this minute;
Be with loved ones. Your depression pushed the people closest to you, made you cold. Return warmth to your heart and give it to parents and children;
Do not dare to feel sorry for yourself. You are not disabled. You are a beautiful creature made for love. To stop thinking about a person, surround yourself with beautiful things, pleasant aromas and interesting people.
Only time will help to get rid of unrequited love, not without reason there is a saying “time heals”. Until a certain period of time passes, it takes different time intervals for all people, you can’t completely forget about it.
However, you can help yourself with this, try to get rid of all the things that can remind you of your loved one, photos, things, gifts. Talk with loved ones, and ask to remind you of him. Try to avoid visiting the places you have been together.
It helps to get rid of love and stop thinking about a person; motivation to start living in a new way, so to speak, from scratch. You need to change something in your daily life, in your image. Try changing your hairstyle, you can dye your hair, buy new clothes, go in for self-knowledge and development, go in for sports, the sport helps to heal emotional wounds, and is also a good help for shaping a new life. In the classroom, you can probably meet a new person who will help you forget about your sorrows.
You can safely take care of yourself during this period, think about what you most like to do, think about what gives you joy. And allow yourself to deliver these joys. When you become more confident in yourself, you will see that others are looking at you and understand that you attract and enchant them.
And when the question of how to stop thinking about your loved one will not bother you, you will live a new full life, with useful experience behind you.
What to do if you are overwhelmed with feelings:
To stop thinking about a person in this case is not an easy task. It’s so wonderful to just lie on the bed and remember the sweetest moments with your loved one. Oh! How many fantasies arise in the head, the soul sings! And everything collapses around: the dishes are not washed, the work is done, the cat is hungry ... Something is also not very ... Since you are so enthusiastic and feel that you can do everything, make a list of necessary tasks and start doing what you are reluctant to do now. The time before meeting with your loved one will pass faster and with benefit, and you can temporarily stop thinking about a person;
In moments of emotional flight from love, we are able to do a lot in our lives, do not miss this opportunity. Periodically, your thoughts will still return to the object of your love, but how much you can do for him, for yourself, for loved ones and become even better in the eyes of your loved one.
Analyze why you got a sense of worthlessness? Perhaps you experienced some kind of traumatic situation or a series of various failures, as a result of which you developed a persistent rejection of yourself? Try to understand that your failures, most likely, were not your fault, just the circumstances. Remember that no one is safe from mistakes and mistakes, they are made by everyone, even the most successful and confident people.
Refuse samoyedy, do not scold yourself on every occasion and for no reason. Do not try to blame yourself in any situation. Do not allow in conversations with relatives, friends, colleagues, etc. value judgments about yourself. For example, many insecure people like to repeat phrases such as: “Yes, it’s my fault”, “I was foolish again”, “Well, I’m a fool ...”, etc. In your lexicon, such phrases should not be from now on.
Build self-confidence. Find an interesting hobby, sign up for any courses, such as English, and set a goal to master it at least at the level of free reading of English-language literature - this will dramatically increase your self-esteem. Get a subscription to the pool, gym, etc. Having become stronger physically, you will also begin to respect yourself more.
Praise and reward yourself for even the smallest achievements. For example, you read a good book or prepared something tasty and beautiful, encouraged someone, inspired hope for the best in someone - all this, like many other things that you do, deserves praise!
Get rid of stereotypes of thinking. For example, when you were in school, you were told all the time that you are an incapable student, that you are not successful. Having gotten used to this label stuck to you as a child, you continue to go through life like a d-lap: do not strive for new knowledge, do not take responsibility, etc. But here it is important to understand that the teacher could simply not consider the potential of your personality, did not find an individual approach to you in the process of studying, did not manage to reveal all your abilities.
Real goals and faith in yourself are the main components of success!
Set real goals, achieve them using the principle of small steps. For example, you decide to graduate. Rejoice at every small success on the way to achieving the main goal: a successfully passed test, a lecture you listened to on a particular subject, the end of the next course - all these are reasons for joy.
Do not lose faith in yourself, strive to conquer new heights, in spite of any evaluative judgments of others, and you will gain self-confidence and get rid of a sense of uselessness and worthlessness.
Help others - a smile, a kind word, sympathy, concrete deeds. There are many truly unhappy and lonely people in the world who really need your help. Pay attention to children brought up in orphanages, lonely elderly people, patients of hospices and other similar institutions - all of them need simple human participation. It is important that your help comes from the heart, be sincere.
Do not seek to assert oneself at the expense of others, remember that truly wise people strive for self-expression. Your goals do not have to coincide with the goals of those around you — that you should live the way they live? Set your goals, live the way you want to live. Remember your dream, because you must have a network. Just go to her, and you will gain happiness and self-confidence.
Everyone has such periods when it seems that nothing depends on us. In some people, they stretch for life. Psychologist Marty Nemko is sure that you can cope with a feeling of powerlessness, and gives 10 tips on how to do this.
1. Become a tutor, mentor or consultant
By helping others, you will feel how your participation and support is changing their lives for the better. It will give you strength.
2. Get the skills you need.
Knowledge is power, and the more you know and know how, the more confident you feel. New skills can be very different, from mastering recipes to playing chess. Learn HTML and be able to create sites yourself. Learn how to use the search engine effectively and increase the speed of getting information. Learn to meditate and you will feel calm and confident in difficult situations.
3. Change your job or line of business
Do you have a terrible boss? Do you not like the job? It's never too late to do something that is interesting and not related to constant stress.
4. Create your own ethical business
The owner of the smallest company, unlike the employee, makes decisions himself, this is his strength.
5. Create something important
Write memoirs. Record a short video tutorial with useful information and post it on YouTube. Make a performance - even for one viewer.
6. Repair something
You can repair the leaking roof in your home or help repair a neighbor. The phrase about the repair should not be taken literally: you can build relationships with someone or make friends.
7. Take care of your health
In order to feel good and avoid frequent communication with doctors, you need to eat right, do not forget about physical activity, if possible, avoid stress, do not use psychotropic drugs, control blood pressure and blood sugar.
8. Invest wisely
In this matter, regularity is important. Even if you save only 1000 rubles a week, you will feel more confident. If in doubt where to invest, contact your financial advisor.
9. Be kind, but not thoughtlessly kind
If you respond kindly to bad deeds, it will only worsen the situation. For example, if you constantly help out a relative who falls into alterations, you poison your life and feel powerless. A grief relative of your kindness does not get any better either. He does not make sense to change: he is sure that you will solve all his problems.
10. Do not be arrogant
Some people think their opinion is the only correct one and do not want to listen to what others are talking about. It is important to pay attention to different points of view, including what opponents think. The better you understand the situation, the more powerful you feel.
