Healing childhood injuries using body-oriented therapy. Examining Injustice and Injustice Injury

Psychological assistance is a practice of acceptance. In some ways, the psychologist acts as a parent for the client. Of course, this does not mean that any client automatically receives unconditional love after payment. But in many cases, “lulling” is simply necessary.

Why can't a simple relationship cope with the trauma of rejection? The client will constantly “check” the psychologist for “love,” because he is full of doubts. He was rejected many times by loved ones, so this strategy of behavior is not at all surprising. Why is a person to be open and kind? If his mother did not love him, and his father often punished him, then during the session he will often engage in depreciation. Over time, you just get tired of acting as a nanny for such an adult.

The essence of the rejected person’s existence is that he constantly broadcasts the following messages to the world: “Prove your love”, “Accept me as I am.” And since we choose a similar person as our partner, the following picture develops. There are two wounded, exhausted people who demand constant attention and comfort from each other. Moreover, none of them is able to give it. Over time, disappointment comes, people begin to look for new partners, but the situation repeats itself.

Psychotherapy with such clients begins with an agreement, so such relationships seem less dangerous to a person. After several meetings, friendly, trusting relationships are established. The client has a positive experience of "love me." He can show his weakness, imperfection. In the process of work, the client can behave as in ordinary life. For example, provoke a conflict so that the psychologist refuses to cooperate. Thus, he wins back the trauma of rejection. He may be late, blame, close, etc. He can do everything that prevents him in real life from building normal relationships with people.

During the session, the client understands that the old patterns of behavior do not work. He tries new options, doubts, gets angry, enjoys new successes, shows respect for others. And most importantly, what the client is learning is to accept oneself. He concludes that he owes nothing and no one owes him anything. Belief in one's own strength is manifested. Psychotherapy helps him regain confidence in the world and live a new, full life.

Liz Burbo

10/17/2005 | Visitors: 218519

• The fugitive has a weak, powerless voice.
• The addict has a childish voice with a touch of complaint.
• A masochist often adorns his voice with mock intonations, portraying an interested person.
• Rigid speech is somewhat mechanical and restrained.
• The controller is distinguished by a loud, booming voice.

  Each type has its own style of dance.:

• The fugitive does not like dancing. If he dances, then his movements are minimal and inexpressive; he does not want to be noticed. It seems to be written on it: "Do not look at me for a long time."
• The addict prefers contact dances, in which there is an opportunity to snuggle up to a partner. Sometimes it seems that he is hanging on a partner. His whole being radiates: "Look how my partner loves me."
• A masochist always dances willingly and a lot, taking the opportunity to express his sensuality. He dances for the sheer pleasure of dancing. His whole appearance says: "Look how sensual I can be."
• The controller needs a lot of space. He loves to dance and uses it to seduce. But above all, for him it is an opportunity to show himself. A call comes from him: "Look at me."
• Rigid dances very well, feels the rhythm, despite some stiffness, stiffness of the legs. He is very attentive, trying not to lose his rhythm. Most often attends dance courses. The most rigid ones stand out by seriousness, keep very straightforward and seem to consider their steps in the dance. They seem to say with their appearance: "See how well I dance."

Which car do you prefer? The following characteristics will tell you which of your subpersonalities determines the choice:

• The fugitive loves stealth cars of a dim color.
• The addict prefers comfortable cars and not like everyone else.
• The masochist chooses a small, cramped car where he barely fits.
• The controller buys a powerful, notable car.
• Rigid prefers a classic, working, hardy car - he wants to get the full price for his money.

You can apply these characteristics to other purchases, as well as to the style of dressing.

The way a person sits shows what happens in his soul when he speaks or listens:

• The fugitive cringes, trying to take as little space as possible in the chair. He loves to squeeze his foot under himself: when not connected to the ground, it is easier to run away.
• The addict creeps into the chair or leans on the support - on the armrest or on the back of the adjacent chair. The upper body is tilted forward.
• The masochist sits with legs spread. In most cases, he chooses the wrong place for him, so he feels uncomfortable.
• The controller sits leaning back with his whole body and arms crossed as he listens. Taking the word, leans forward to look more convincing in the eyes of the interlocutor.
• Rigid sits completely straight. In this case, it can move its legs and position the entire body strictly symmetrically, which further emphasizes its rigid posture. Sometimes he crosses his legs or arms - when he does not want to feel what is happening.

Many times during the conversations, I noticed how my guest changes his posture depending on what is happening in his mind. I will describe for example a person with injuries of injustice and abandoned. When he tells me about his life problems, his body relaxes, his shoulders drop slightly - he experiences his trauma of the abandoned. A few minutes later, when I ask a question on a topic that he doesn’t want to touch, his body straightens up, his whole body becomes rigid, rigid, and he tells me that everything is fine with him. The same thing happens with his speech - the manner of speaking can change several times during the conversation.

You can give as many examples as you like. I am sure that in a few months you yourself, observing your own behavior and physical signs, will easily find out which mask and at what moment you put on, what fear is hidden behind this mask. It will be just as easy for you to recognize and decipher the masks of others.

I discovered another very interesting fact related to fears. You have already noticed that everywhere I indicate the most intense fear inherent in each type of character. So, I was convinced that each carrier of a certain mask does not realize his fear, but those around him easily see what exactly he seeks to avoid at all costs.

• The fugitive is most afraid panic attacks. He cannot properly realize this, because he is hiding, disappearing as soon as he starts to panic, or even earlier than it starts. Those around him see panic without difficulty - his eyes almost always give out.
• The greatest fear of addict inspires loneliness. He does not see this, because he is always arranged in such a way as to be in someone's society. If, however, he finds himself alone, then, of course, he admits that he is lonely; but at the same time he does not notice how he frantically searches for what to do, what to fill in time. When there is no physical partner, a telephone and a television replace the company. It is much easier for his relatives to notice, feel this great fear of loneliness, even surrounded by people. Sad eyes also give him out.
• Masochist is most afraid of freedom. He does not consider and does not feel free because of the many restrictions and obligations that he himself came up with. On the other hand, he seems completely free to others, because he usually finds the means and time to do what he decided to do. He does not look back at others when making a decision. Even if what he decided shackles him, in the eyes of other people he has complete freedom to change his mind, if he wants to. His eyes, wide open to the world, show great interest in everything and a desire to experience as many different experiences as possible.
• The controller is most scared separation and renunciation. He does not notice how intensively he creates problems and conflict situations, as a result of which he excludes further communication with individuals. Creating, attracting to himself situations in which every time he renounces someone, at the same time he does not see that he is afraid of these situations. On the contrary, he assures himself that these breaks and renunciations are beneficial for him. He thinks that in this way he does not allow himself to be fooled or used. His sociability and readiness for new acquaintances prevent him from realizing how many people he crossed out of his life. People see it much better. And his eyes also give out. When he gets angry, they become harsh and even inspire fear, which can push many away from him.
• Rigid is most afraid coldness. It is difficult for him to recognize coldness, because he considers himself a sincere, warm person who does everything to ensure that harmony and justice reigned around. As a rule, he is faithful to his friends. But those around him often notice his own coldness, not so much in his eyes as in his dry, harsh behavior, especially when he believes that he is unfairly accused of something.

The first step to healing the injury is RECOGNITION and ACCEPTANCE of it; this, however, does not at all mean approval and consent to its existence. To accept is to look at her, observe her, not forgetting at the same time that a person lives for this purpose in order to settle unresolved problems.

If something hurts you, it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person.

When you managed to create a mask so as not to suffer, it was a heroic act, a feat of self-love. This mask helped you survive and adapt to the family environment that you yourself chose before incarnating.

The true reason for our birth in a certain family or our attraction to people with the same trauma as ours is that from the very beginning we like it when others like us. That is, we are no worse than others. But time passes, and we begin to notice the shortcomings of others, we no longer accept them for who they are. And we are trying to change them, not understanding that what we do not accept from others is part of ourselves, only we do not want to see this, because we are afraid of the need for change. We believe that we will have to change ourselves, while in reality we must heal ourselves.

That is why knowledge of one’s own injuries is so beneficial: it allows one to engage in their healing, rather than trying to change oneself.

Do not forget, in addition, that each of these injuries was the result of the accumulation of experience of many previous lives, so there is nothing surprising in the fact that it is not easy for you to face your injury in this particular life. In previous lives, you did not succeed, so you should not count on the fact that the problem will be easily settled by a simple wish: "I want to recover." Moreover, the will and determination to heal one’s injuries are only the first steps to compassion, patience and tolerance towards oneself.

In this case, you will develop the same attitude towards other people; these will be the main fruits of your healing work. I know that when you read the previous chapters, you discovered appropriate injuries in your loved ones; it probably helped you to better understand their behavior and therefore be more tolerant of them.

As I already warned, you should not cling too much to the words used in identifying injuries or masks. You can, for example, experience the trauma of the rejected and feel betrayed, abandoned, humiliated or a victim of injustice. Someone may act unfairly with you, and this will cause you to feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed or abandoned. As you see, what matters is not experience in itself, but how you experience that experience. That is why, when it is necessary to accurately determine the trauma, you should refer to the description of the characteristics of the physical body before studying the behavioral characteristics. The body never lies. It reflects what is happening in the emotional and mental planes.

I know that many people are increasingly resorting to aesthetic surgery, trying to fix certain features of their physical body. In my opinion, they play a cruel joke with themselves: if the injury cannot be detected by physical signs, then this does not mean that it is cured. Many of those who used the services of aesthetic surgery were very disappointed when two or three years later again appeared what they so wanted to remove or hide. By the way, precisely for this reason, specialists in aesthetic surgery never give a lifetime guarantee on their work. On the other hand, if you truly love yourself and tidy up your body with surgical means, without stopping at the same time emotional, mental and spiritual work on your injuries, then it is very likely that your body will better accept surgical help and it will be beneficial to him.

Many people play evil jokes with their physical body, but even more of those who do themselves bear services at the level of behavior and internal attitudes. At my seminar "Characters and injuries", such episodes are regularly repeated: I describe injuries in great detail, some participants clearly see one of the injuries in their bodies, and their body shows the other just as clearly.

For example, I recall a young man (about thirty years old) who told me that since his very childhood he has been experiencing the trauma of the rejected. He suffered from a lack of a permanent, reliable relationship, the cause of which, he believed, were numerous cases when he was rejected. Meanwhile, his physical body showed no signs of rejection. In the end, I asked him: "Are you sure that you are experiencing the suffering of the rejected, and not a sense of injustice?" Then I explained to him that his body most likely testifies to the trauma of injustice. He was very surprised. I suggested he not to rush and think about it for a while. When I met him a week later, he enthusiastically told me that a lot had cleared up during this time, and now he realized that, of course, he was suffering from an injustice injury.

This example is typical. The ego does everything possible so that we do not see our true injuries. It is convinced that by touching these injuries, we will not be able to control the pain associated with them. It also persuaded us to create masks for itself that help to avoid this pain.

The ego always believes that it has found the easiest way, but in fact it only complicates our lives. When life is driven by mindfulness, at first it takes some effort from us and seems difficult, but in fact mindfulness drastically simplifies our lives.

The longer we hesitate in treating our injuries, the deeper they become. Each time we experience a situation that wakes up and raises our wounds, we add a new patch to this wound. The wound is growing; the more serious she is, the greater the fear of touching her. A vicious circle is forming, which can turn into an obsessive state: it seems to us that everyone is trying to cause us pain. Rigid, for example, sees injustice at every turn, and his reaction becomes an obsession with perfection. The pronounced fugitive feels rejected by everyone and convinces himself that no one will ever love him again, etc.

Recognizing your own injuries brings with it an important advantage: we finally begin to look in the right direction. Prior to this, our actions resembled the behavior of a patient who is looking for a good cardiologist when he actually has impaired liver function. So that young man who considers himself rejected may for years unsuccessfully try to heal the trauma of the rejected; and only by touching his true trauma, he gets the opportunity to identify his problem and proceed to the treatment of a real disease.

I want to emphasize here that wearing a mask of an addict and suffering from emotional addiction is not the same thing. Persons with a trauma of an abandoned person and, consequently, a mask of an addict do not necessarily suffer from emotional hunger. Why is that? Because we become emotionally dependent when we suffer from emotional hunger, and we suffer from emotional hunger when we do not love ourselves enough. And in this case, we seek the love of other people to convince ourselves that we are worthy of love, that we can be loved. Any mask appears precisely in order to show us that we interfere with ourselves being ourselves, because we do not love ourselves enough. Do not forget that any behavior associated with a particular mask means a reaction, not self-love.

• FOLLOWED INJURY EXPERIENCES WITH PARENT OF HIS FLOOR. That is, the fugitive feels rejected by persons of the same gender as himself. He accuses them of rejecting him and feels more anger towards them than to himself. On the other hand, when he is rejected by a person of the opposite sex, he even more rejects himself. Accordingly, in this case, his anger at himself dominates. At the same time, there is a high probability that this person of the opposite sex did not reject him, but left.
• THE INJURY OF THE REMAINED SURVIVES WITH THE PARENT OF THE ANSWERED FLOOR. That is, the addicted is inclined to believe that he is abandoned by persons of the opposite sex, and blame them more than himself. If he experiences the experience of being abandoned with a person of his own sex, he blames himself, because he believes that he did not show enough attention to him or failed to appreciate his attention. It often happens that he is sure that this person of his gender has left him, but in fact it rejected him.
• INJURY INJURY USUALLY EXPERIENCES WITH MOTHER, regardless of gender. That is, a male masochist is inclined to experience humiliation from female persons. He usually blames them. If he experiences a trauma of humiliation with a male person, he blames himself and is ashamed of his behavior or his attitude to this person. He can experience this trauma with his father, if he is engaged in his physical education, teaches the child to maintain cleanliness, eat, dress, etc. If this is your case, then you have to apply what has been said to the male or female version.
• A TRAUMA INJURY IS EXPLAINED WITH AN OPPOSITE GENERAL PARENT. That is, the controller usually believes that he was betrayed by persons of the opposite sex, and is inclined to blame them for their suffering or emotions. If he experiences a trauma of betrayal with a person of his gender, then he mainly blames himself and gets angry with himself for not being able to foresee and prevent this experience in a timely manner. It is very likely that what seems to him to be a betrayal by people of his gender is actually an experience that has intensified his trauma of injustice.
• INJUSTICE INJURY EXPERIENCES WITH PARENT OF ITS LEG. That is, the rigid suffers from injustice on the part of persons of the same sex and accuses them of injustice to it. If he is experiencing a situation that he considers to be unjust, with a person of the opposite sex, then he does not blame this person, but rather himself - of injustice or incorrectness. It is very likely that this experience of injustice with a person of the opposite sex is actually caused by betrayal. Great suffering can even lead to destructive rage.

The more suffering these injuries cause, the more justified and human is the anger at the parent whom we hold responsible for them. Later, we transfer this bitterness and hatred to persons of the same gender as the parent, whom we blame for our suffering. It is quite natural, for example, that a boy hates his father if he constantly feels that he rejects him. Then he will transfer this hatred to other men or to his own son - and will feel that he rejects it.

We are angry with this parent - unconsciously - also because he has the same trauma as ours. That is, he becomes in our eyes a model, a model of a person with this trauma, thereby obliging us to look at ourselves. And we, generally speaking, would like to see a different model, although we usually do not realize this either. This explains our desire to in no way resemble parents. It is unpleasant for us to see our reflection in them. Injuries cannot be healed except through the true forgiveness of one's parents and oneself.

On the other hand, when any of the five injuries is experienced by persons of a different gender than the parent whom we consider responsible for our injury, then we are angry with ourselves. It is during such periods that we tend to punish ourselves using an accident or any other means of physical damage.

It is human nature to believe in punishment as a means of atonement. In reality, the spiritual law of love affirms the exact opposite. The more guilty we consider ourselves, the more we punish ourselves - and the more inevitably we bring ourselves to the same situation. In other words, the more self-blame, the higher the likelihood of re-experiencing the same suffering. This guilt does not allow a person to forgive himself and thereby take a decisive step towards healing.

In addition to guilty feelings, we often feel ashamed - when we blame ourselves for injuring someone, or when others accuse us of suffering. I spoke in more detail about shame in the chapter on the trauma of humiliation, since shame is most pronounced in the masochist. However, each person in a given situation has to experience a sense of shame. This feeling is especially intense when we do not want to admit that we are causing others suffering that we ourselves would not want to experience.

In cases where a serious crime or violence is committed, it must be remembered that the offender has his own injuries that cause him such pain that he loses control over himself. That is why I often repeat: There are no evil people in this world, there are only those who suffer. It is not a question of forgiving such people, but you need to learn to sympathize with them. Blaming and punishing them will not help. Even if we remain unconvinced, we can sympathize with them. This makes it easier for us to realize our own injuries and injuries of other people.

According to my observations, cases when a person suffers from only one injury are quite rare. As for me, I already mentioned that I have two main injuries that I must heal in this life - injustice and betrayal. I experience a trauma of injustice with people of my gender and a trauma of injustice with people of the opposite sex. Since injustice was experienced with my mother, I notice that when I feel this emotion in connection with a special female, I accuse her of injustice. When injustice comes from a male, I am more inclined to self-blame and feel angry with myself. Sometimes I’m even ashamed. It happens to me also to perceive injustice on the part of a man as a betrayal.

And in my body, as well as in the body of everyone who suffers from these two injuries, you can see masks of the controlling and rigid.

I also noticed that many people combine two other injuries - abandoned and rejected. They wear, respectively, masks of the addict and the fugitive. Sometimes the upper body shows signs of one trauma, and the lower one shows another. In children, there is a difference between the right and left sides. Practice makes it easier to identify masks over the eye over time. When we trust our intuition, our “inner eye” distinguishes them instantly.

When a person’s body corresponds to the mask of the controller, but at the same time slightly saggy and seems loose or you notice the eyes of a dependent, you can assume that he suffers from injuries of a devotee and an abandoned person.

Of course, other combinations are possible. Someone can stand out by the voluminous body of the masochist and at the same time a direct, rigid posture of rigid. This indicates two injuries - humiliation and injustice.

People with a large body of a masochist and small legs and ankles of a fugitive suffer injuries from the humiliated and rejected.

There are three, four, and even all five injuries in one person. In this case, usually one of the injuries dominates, while others are less noticeable, but they can be minor. If one of the masks dominates, then a person uses it for protection more often than others. If the mask appears occasionally and for a short time, this means that a person feels the trauma associated with it weakly. If a mask dominates, then it does not follow from this that it reflects the most important of the injuries.

Indeed, we always try to hide the injuries that cause us the most severe suffering. I have already said in previous chapters that we create a mask of rigid (injustice) and a mask of control (betrayal) as a mask of control and strength in order to cover the injuries of the rejected, abandoned or humiliated. This power allows you to hide what causes the most excruciating pain. That is why so often one of these injuries manifests itself only with age: control has its limits. The rigid mask, due to its controlling nature, is more capable of covering other injuries more than others. A masochist-rigid, for example, can control its weight for a long time; when the strength for control runs out, he will begin to gain weight.

The soul that came to Earth to cure the trauma of betrayal, is looking for a parent of the opposite sex, strong, strong, able to take his place, not losing control and not too emotional. At the same time, the controller wants this parent to be sensitive and understanding, so that he can be trusted, to meet all expectations - then he, the controller, will not feel abandoned and betrayed. If this parent is now indifferent, the child will feel abandoned; if the parent shows weakness in something or cannot be trusted, the child will perceive this as a betrayal. If the parent of the opposite sex is too powerful, aggressive or rude, between them (during the teenage period of the child), relations are most often established from a position of strength, which nourishes the trauma of betrayal in both.

A man is a great specialist in finding good reasons and explanations when his body begins to change. It can be understood - he is not ready and does not want to look at himself, and it is especially difficult for him to reconcile with the thought that the human body has such wisdom. He does not want to agree that every - even barely noticeable - change in the physical body is a signal that draws his attention to something that is happening in his soul, but which he does not want to see at that moment. If only a person understood that when the body decides to draw his attention to one of the internal processes, then, in fact, it is his internal THE GOD   decided to use the physical body to help him realize that he already has everything he needs to confront what he is so afraid of! Nevertheless, we are afraid to open our wounds and continue to wear masks covering them, preferring to believe that these wounds will someday disappear themselves.

Remember: we wear our masks only when we are afraid of suffering, we are afraid to cut the wound, which, as it seems to us, the mask protects. All forms of behavior described in previous chapters are used only in those situations when we wear masks. Once the mask is on, we are no longer ourselves. We learn the behavior corresponding to the mask we put on. It would be ideal to learn how to quickly recognize a worn mask in order to immediately identify the injury that we are trying to hide, while not criticizing or judging ourselves. Perhaps you change the mask once or several times during the day, and maybe you don’t remove it for several months or even years before another injury comes to the surface.

The moment you realize this, be happy that your injury was noticed, and be grateful to the incident or person who touched the wound, because this touch allows you to see: the wound has not yet healed. But at least you already know about her. And thereby you give yourself the right to be a human being. It is especially important to give yourself time - to give yourself the right to the time necessary for healing. When you can regularly say to yourself: “Well, I put on such a mask, and therefore I react in such a way,” then your healing will go in full swing.

I repeat, I have never met a person who would have observed all of the listed signs of a particular injury. A full description of each character is provided in order to help you recognize yourself by some behavioral features related to your trauma.

Now I will briefly recall how you can notice that you (or another person) put on a mask.

• When your rejected injury is activated, you put on a fugitive mask. This mask makes you want to get away from the situation or from people, because of which, as you think, you will be rejected; you are afraid of panic and feelings of powerlessness. This mask can also convince you to become as invisible as possible, go into yourself and not say or do anything that encourages others to reject you. This mask makes you believe that you are not so important a creature to occupy the place you occupy, that you have no right to exist in the fullness in which others exist.
• When your trauma of LEFT is activated, you put on the mask of the addict. She makes you, as it were, a little child who seeks and requires attention - you cry, complain and obey everything and everyone, because you do not believe that you can act independently. This mask makes you resort to various tricks so that you are not left alone or that they pay you more attention. She may even convince you to fall ill or become a victim of some kind of circumstances, just to get the support and help that you crave so much.
• When the trauma of HUMILIATION is activated, you put on a masochist mask. It allows you to forget your own needs and think only of others in order to become a good, generous person, always ready to provide services that even exceed your capabilities. You also manage to shoulder the duties and responsibilities of those who usually neglect them, and you do this even before they ask you to. You do everything in order to be useful, so as not to feel humiliated. Thus, you manage to never be free - it is very important for you. Whenever your behavior or your actions will be motivated by fear of shame for yourself or fear of humiliation, this is a sign for you that you put on a masochist mask.
• Experiencing the trauma of betrayal, you put on a mask of the controller, which makes you incredulous, skeptical, cautious, domineering and intolerant - all this is connected with your expectations. You are doing everything to show that you are a strong personality, and you won’t allow you to fool or use you so easily, and even more so decide for you - rather, everything will be the other way around. This mask makes you cunning, down to lies, just not to lose the reputation of a strong one. You forget your own needs and make every effort to ensure that others think that you are a reliable person and you can be trusted. In addition, this mask requires maintaining ostentatious self-confidence, even when you do not trust yourself and doubt your own decisions and actions.
• When your injury to JUSTICE is activated, you put on a rigid mask that gives your movements and tone of voice coldness, sharpness, dryness. The body also becomes as rigid, rigid as behavior. This mask makes you strive for perfection everywhere, and in connection with this you often feel anger, impatience, criticize and reproach yourself. You are overly demanding and do not reckon with your own limitations. Whenever you control yourself, restrain yourself, even show cruelty to yourself, this should serve as a sign that you have put on your rigid mask.

We put on a mask not only in cases where we are afraid to survive an injury due to someone or are afraid to see that we ourselves are forcing someone to experience an injury. We always do this either out of a desire to be loved, or out of fear of losing someone's love. We learn behavior that is not consistent with our essence. We are becoming someone else. Since the behavior dictated by the mask requires certain efforts from us, we accordingly have expectations regarding other people.

The source of our well-being should be what we ourselves are and what we do, and not praise, gratitude, appreciation and support from other people.

Nevertheless, do not forget what tricks the ego is capable of when it distracts you from the awareness of your injuries. The ego is convinced that if you recognize them and eliminate them, you will remain defenseless and will suffer. Each of the five characters in its own way allows itself to be fooled by its own ego:

• The fugitive convinces himself that he is seriously busy with himself and other people - so as not to constantly feel how he is rejected.
• The addicted loves to portray the independent and tell everyone who wants to listen to him that he is very happy alone and that he no longer needs anyone.
• The masochist convinces himself that everything he does for others gives him the greatest pleasure and that in this way he truly satisfies his own needs. He is incomparable in his ability to say and think that everything is going fine, and to find any explanations and apologies to people and situations that humiliated him. The controller is sure that he never lies, that he always keeps his word and that he is not afraid of anyone or anything.
• Rigid loves to tell everyone and everyone how fair he is and how bright and trouble-free his life is; he wants to believe that he has many friends who love him for who he is.

Mental injuries have to be treated, just like physical injuries. Have you ever had to tug on a hated pimple on your face in the hope of getting rid of it faster? And what is the result? And the fact that the pimple, thanks to your efforts, lived much longer than it should. This happens always when we do not trust the healing powers of our own bodies. In order for the problem to disappear (whatever kind it may be), you must first accept it and give it unconditional love, and not drive it off the threshold. Your deep mental trauma also needs to be recognized, loved and accepted.

I remind you that to love unconditionally means to accept, even if you do not agree, even if you do not understand the reasons.

Loving injuries, loving acne on one’s own face means, therefore, agreeing that you yourself created them, moreover, not by chance, but to help yourself. Instead of eradicating acne, you should use it to realize a part of yourself that you don’t want to see. After all, in fact, these acne are trying to attract your attention, to make you understand, among other things, that at the present time you are probably afraid of "losing face" in some situation and that this prevents you from being yourself. If you learn this new inner set, then you will look at your acne very differently, isn’t it? It is even possible that you will feel gratitude to them. By making this decision, choosing the experience of a new mental installation, you can be sure that acne will disappear faster, because they will receive love and appreciation for their useful mission.

What to accept? First of all, the fact that everything that you fear from others or what you reproach them for, you yourself do to others, and especially to yourself.

Here are examples of how you can sometimes harm yourself.

• A person suffering from the trauma of the rejected reinforces this trauma whenever he calls himself insignificant, when he believes that it means nothing in the lives of other people, when he avoids a certain situation.
• A person suffering from the trauma of the abandoned reinforces this trauma every time he abandons an important business for him, when he allows himself to fall, when he does not take enough care of himself and does not pay himself the necessary attention. He scares others, clinging too much to them, and thus ensures that they leave, and he again remains alone. He inflicts a lot of suffering on his body, causing disease in him to attract attention.
• A person suffering from a trauma of humiliation reinforces this trauma whenever he humiliates himself, when he compares himself with others and understates his merits, when he accuses himself of rudeness, ill-will, lack of will, adaptability, etc. He humiliates himself with clothes that do not suit him and which he always stains. He makes his body suffer, giving him so much food that it is impossible to digest and assimilate it. He inflicts suffering on himself, taking upon himself the responsibility of others and depriving himself of freedom and necessary personal time.
• A trauma sufferer reinforces this trauma whenever he lies to himself, when he inspires false truths, when he violates his obligations to himself. He punishes himself when he does all the work: he does not dare to entrust this work to others, since he does not trust them. He is so busy monitoring and verifying what others are doing that he has no time left for himself.
• A person suffering from an injustice injury reinforces this injury by being too demanding on himself. He does not consider his limitations and often creates stressful situations for himself. He is unfair to himself, because he is too self-critical and hardly notices his positive qualities and results of work. He suffers when he sees only what has not been done or the flaws of what has been done. He suffers from the fact that he does not know how to please himself.

I talked above about the importance of accepting your injuries unconditionally. It is equally important to accept the masks that you allowed your ego to create to cover up these injuries and to reduce suffering.

To love and accept the trauma means to acknowledge it, to understand that you came to Earth in order to heal this trauma, to accept the attempt of your ego to protect you.

Finally, thank yourself also for the courage with which you created and supported the mask that helped you survive.

But today this mask is more likely to harm you than it helps. It's time to decide that you can survive even with an injury. You are no longer that little child who was unable to bandage his wound. You are now an adult, you have experience and your mature vision of life, and from now on you intend to love yourself more.

In the first chapter, I mentioned that, creating a trauma for ourselves, we go through four stages.

At the first stage, we are ourselves. The second stage is a feeling of pain when we discover that we cannot be ourselves, because this does not suit the adults around us. Unfortunately, adults do not understand that the child is trying to reveal himself, to find out who he is, and instead of allowing him to be himself, they mainly inspire him with what he should be.

The third stage is a rebellion against the suffering experienced. At this stage, the child begins crises, resistance to parents.

The last stage is surrender, surrender of positions: the decision is made to create a mask for yourself so as not to disappoint others, and most importantly, not to experience again and again the suffering that arises from the fact that you are not accepted as you are.

Healing will be completed when you go through all four stages in the reverse order, starting from the fourth and ending with the first, where you again become yourself. And the first step in this return journey is the awareness of the mask that you wear. The five previous chapters will help you realize it, each of which is devoted to a separate injury.

The second stage is a feeling of indignation, a riot in reading these chapters, a reluctance to admit responsibility, a desire to blame others for their suffering. In this case, tell yourself that it is a completely human property to resist when you discover in yourself that which you do not like. Everyone experiences this stage in their own way. For some, rebellion and resistance take distinct, bright forms, while others tolerate it more calmly. The intensity of outrage and rebellion depends on your openness, readiness for acceptance, and also on the depth of the injury during the period when you begin to realize everything that is happening in you.

At the third stage, you should give yourself the right to the suffering you have experienced and to embitter towards one or both parents. Reliving again the suffering experienced by you in childhood, you will be imbued with the greater compassion and compassion for the child in you, the deeper and more serious you will go through this stage. At the same stage, you must leave your anger at your parents and find sympathy for their suffering.

Finally, in the fourth stage, you become yourself and stop believing that you still need your face masks. You take for granted that your life will be filled with experiences that serve to know what is beneficial and what is harmful to you. This is LOVE FOR YOURSELF. Since love has great healing and inspiring power, get ready for various changes in your life - both at the level of relations with other people, and at the level of your physical body.

Remember: to love yourself means to give yourself the right to be what you are at the moment. To love yourself is to accept yourself, even if you do to others what you reproach them with. Love has nothing to do with what you do or what you possess.

Being yourself is an experience..

Thus, to love oneself means giving oneself the right to sometimes injure others by rejecting them, leaving, humiliating, betraying or dealing with them unjustly against their own will. This is the first and most important step on the road to healing your injuries.

In order to overcome this stage faster, I advise you every evening to do an analysis of everything that happened in a day. Ask yourself which mask prevailed and made you react in such and such a situation by dictating to you such and such behavior in relation to others or to yourself. Take some time to record your observations; especially don’t forget to mention how you felt. In the end, forgive yourself and give yourself the right to use this mask: because at that moment you sincerely believed that it was the only means of your protection. I remind you that blaming and punishing yourself is the best way to reinforce your reaction and repeat it every time in such situations.

No transformation can take place without acceptance.

How can you know that you are quite experiencing this acceptance? Only one thing: when you see that your behavior, which injures others or yourself, is part of a human being, and when you agree to accept all its consequences, whatever they may be. This understanding of responsibility is the main thing that you need to truly accept yourself. Since you are a human being, you cannot be liked by everyone and you have the right to certain human reactions that you may not like. In doing so, you must neither judge nor criticize yourself.

Acceptance is thus the trigger for the healing process..

To your great amazement, you will find that in fact the more you allow yourself to betray, reject, leave, humiliate and be unjust, the less you do it! Isn't that paradoxical? However, if you have been following my work for some time, this should not surprise you. In any case, I do not demand from you faith and understanding, because these concepts cannot be obtained intellectually. They must be gained by their own experience.

I repeat this great spiritual law of love in all my books, at seminars and conferences, because it needs to be heard many times before it is truly assimilated. If you give yourself the right to cause others what you yourself are so afraid of that you create a protective mask for yourself, then it will be much easier for you to give others the right to act in the same way and sometimes do things that hurt your wounds.

Take, for example, a father who decided to leave one of his daughters without inheritance because she resolutely rebelled against him. She did not want to study diligently and “go out into people,” as her father had hoped, knowing her abilities. She can perceive his decision as betrayal, humiliation, injustice, etc. - depending on what kind of trauma to heal it came to Earth.

I knew one young woman who experienced this experience; she took him as a betrayal, because she never thought that his father would come to such a decision. Nevertheless, she hoped that her father would reconcile with her choice and give her the right to solve her life problems herself.

The only way for her to heal this trauma and stop attracting situations in which she experiences betrayal by close men is, first of all, to understand that her father also experiences her behavior as a betrayal. The fact that the daughter does not live up to his expectations seems to him like a kind of betrayal. He probably tells himself that after everything he has done for her, her daughter should be appreciative, should become a decent young woman, whom he would be proud of. He probably hopes that the day will come when she will return to him, say that he was right, and sincerely ask him for forgiveness. Everything that happens between this father and his daughter shows us that he suffered the same trauma of betrayal with his own mother, and that, in turn, also survived her with him.

When it is possible to verify what our parents survived at an early age, it turns out that history repeats itself from generation to generation; it will continue to be repeated until true forgiveness is completed. This helps us gain more understanding and compassion for our parents. When you open your wounds, I strongly recommend that you find out from your parents - have they also experienced the same thing? Remember that their experience was not necessarily the same as yours; but they felt the same wounds as you, and blamed your parents for the same thing that you blamed them yourself.

Our road becomes easier when we stop blaming ourselves for the actions that were dictated by our injuries, and when we recognize that this is our human nature. Then we don’t feel such a constraint in conversations with our parents, we are not afraid of accusations on their part, and this helps them to open up, without fear of our condemnation. By talking with your parents, you will help them embark on the road of forgiveness of their parents. You will help them to feel like people who have the right to their wounds and certain reactions and actions dictated by them, sometimes directly opposite to their intentions.

When you will talk with a parent in connection with whom you survived an injury, I advise you to find out from him if he experienced the same injury with you. For example, if you are a woman and tell your mother how you experienced in childhood the suffering of the child she rejected, ask her if she also had to feel that you had rejected her. This will help her free herself from long-held and often unconscious emotions, thanks to you your mother can realize them. Then you can talk to her about her relationship with her mother. (This example also fully applies to a man and his father.)

I want to remind you that if you idealized a parent with whom you experienced trauma, and even more so if you adore and deify him, then it is quite natural that giving yourself the right to be offended or angry with him will not be easy for you. Tell yourself in this case that if this parent has a halo of a saint in your eyes, then he probably had an injury to injustice, but he learned to control himself reliably enough and not show his feelings to anyone. Masochistic personalities often seem sacred due to their dedication.

These are the most important signs that your injuries are healed.

• Your trauma of the REJECTED is close to healing if you gradually take up more and more space, if you begin to affirm yourself. And if someone pretends that you are not, it does not unsettle you. Situations in which you are afraid to panic are becoming less common.
• Your trauma of LEFT is close to healing if you feel good even in solitude and if you need less attention from someone else. Life no longer seems so dramatic. You increasingly have a desire to start various projects, and even if others do not help you, you are able to continue the business yourself.
• Your injury to the HUMPED is close to healing if you give yourself time to think about whether it meets your needs before you say yes. You already shoulder less and feel more free. You stop creating restrictions for yourself. You are able to make requests and demands without feeling annoying and unnecessary.
• Your trauma of betrayal is close to healing if you are not already experiencing such turbulent emotions when someone or something upsets your plans. You loosen your grip easier. Let me remind you: loosening your grip means loosening your attachment to the result, getting rid of the desire for everything to go according to your plan. You no longer try to be the center of attraction. When you are overwhelmed with pride for the work done, you feel good even when others do not notice or do not recognize your merits.
• Your trauma of JUSTICE is close to healing if you allow yourself to be not so perfect, make mistakes without falling into rage and not criticizing yourself. You can allow yourself to show your sensitivity, you can cry in front of others, not afraid of their condemnation and not ashamed of a temporary loss of control.

One of the main advantages of healing from mental trauma is that we get rid of emotional dependence and become independent. Emotional independence is the ability to understand what you want and take all the actions necessary to realize your desire; and if you need help, you know how to ask for it, not reducing your request to a single and irreplaceable person. An independent person will not say: “How am I going to be alone now?” When someone disappears from his life. It hurts him, but deep down he knows that he can live alone.

I hope that the discovery of your injuries will bring you true compassion for yourself and that this will help you gain a great inner world, experience less anger, shame and anger. I understand that it’s not so easy to face the cause of our pain. Human beings have invented many ways to suppress their painful memories, and it is very difficult to resist the temptation to resort to one of these methods.

But the more we suppress our painful memories, the deeper they are embedded in the subconscious. And the day comes when the possibilities of our control are running out, memories float to the surface, and then the pain is even more difficult to relieve. If you truly take on your injuries and heal them, then all the energy spent on masking your pain will be released, and you will be able to use it for more productive tasks - you will build the life you strive for, while remaining yourself.

Do not forget that we are all on this planet so that remember who we are: we are all GOD, experiencing the experiences of earthly being. Unfortunately, we forgot about it on our long journey, in a string of countless incarnations from the beginning of time.

To remember who we are, we need to realize who we are not. For example, we are not our injuries. Whenever we suffer, this is because we consider ourselves to be who we are not. When you suffer from guilty feelings because you did something unfair or betrayed someone, you feel like a source of injustice or betrayal. But you are not experience; you are GOD, experiencing experience on a material planet.

Another example: when your body is sick, you are not a disease; you are a person experiencing the experience of blocking energy in some part of the body. We call this experience a disease.

LIFE IS MIRACLE AND PERFECT

It is an unbroken sequence of processes leading us to the only meaning of our being, namely:

A MAN SHOULD REMEMBER THAT HE IS GOD

I repeat: the creation of masks is our greatest betrayal - forgetting our own DIVINE.

I will end this book with verses by the Swedish poet Hjalmar Soderberg:

We all want to be loved, And if not, we admired us, And if not, we were horrified, And if not, they hated and despised us. We strive to arouse feelings in the soul of our neighbor, no matter what. The soul shudders before emptiness And longs for contact at any cost.

Rejected Injury

FAVORITE BODYBODY (Injury of the rejected)

Let's look at the dictionaries of what the words “reject”, “rejected” mean. Dictionaries give several synonymous definitions: to push away; dismiss, refuse; do not tolerate; to not allow; set up.

Often, people can hardly grasp the difference between two concepts - “reject” and “leave”. To leave someone means to withdraw from him for the sake of someone or something else. To reject is to push away, not to want to see next to you and in your life. Reject uses the expression: "I do not want"and the one who leaves says: "I can not".

Being rejected is a very deep trauma; the rejected person feels it as a rejection of his very essence, as a denial of his right to exist. Of all five injuries, the feeling of the rejected is manifested first, and this means that the cause of such an injury in the life of an individual arises earlier than others. The soul that returned to Earth in order to cure this trauma is rejected from the very moment of birth, and in many cases even earlier.

A suitable example is an unwanted child who was born "by chance". If the soul of this baby did not cope with the experience of the rejected, that is, it could not remain by itself and remain in prosperity, despite rejection, then it will inevitably experience the state of the rejected. A bright case - a child the wrong sex. There are many other reasons why a parent rejects his child; here it is very important for us to understand that only those souls who need to survive the experience of the rejected are attracted to a parent or parents of a certain type: these parents will inevitably reject their child.

It often happens that the parent does not intend to reject the child, nevertheless, the child feels rejected for every, even a minor, occasion after an insulting remark, or when one of the parents experiences anger, impatience, etc. If the wound is not healed, it is very easy to separate. A person who feels rejected is biased. He interprets all events through the filters of his injury, and the feeling that he is rejected is only exacerbated, although it may not be true.

From that day when the baby felt rejected, he begins to develop a mask Fugitives.   I had to observe and treat many times germinal regression, and I was convinced that the person with the trauma of the rejected still in the womb feels very small, tries to occupy as little space as possible, and he always has a feeling of darkness, darkness. This confirmed my hunch that the mask fugitive   may begin to form before birth.

I ask you to note that from now until the end of the book I will use the term “fugitive” to refer to a person suffering from the complex of the rejected. Mask fugitive   - this is another, new personality, character, developing as a means of evading the suffering of the rejected.

This mask appears physically as elusive   physique, that is, the body (or part of the body) that seems to want to disappear. Narrow, concise, it is as if specially designed so that it is easier to slip away, occupy less space, and not be visible among others. This body does not want to take up much space, it takes on the image running away, slipping away   and his whole life seeks to occupy as little space as possible. When you see a person who looks like an ethereal ghost - “skin and bones” - you can expect with a high degree of certainty that he suffers from the deep trauma of the rejected being.

Fugitive   - this is a person who doubts his right to exist; it even seems that she was not fully embodied. Therefore, her body gives the impression of an incomplete, incomplete, consisting of fragments that are not well fitted to each other. The left side of the face, for example, can differ markedly from the right, and this is visible to the naked eye, there is no need to check with a ruler. Remember, by the way, how many people have you seen with perfectly symmetrical sides of the body?

When I talk about the "incomplete" body, I mean those parts of the body where, as it were, there are not enough whole pieces (buttocks, breasts, chin, ankles much smaller than calves, hollows in the back, chest, abdomen, etc. )

Having seen how such a person holds (shoulders are moved forward, hands are usually pressed to the body, etc.), we say that his body twisted. It seems that something is blocking the growth of the body or its individual parts; or as if some parts of the body are different from others in age; and some people generally look like adults in a child’s body.

A deformed body, causing pity, eloquently suggests that this person carries within himself the trauma of the rejected. Before being born, his soul herself chose this body to put herself in a situation conducive to overcoming this trauma.

Characteristic feature fugitive   are small face and eyes. Eyes seem empty or absent, because a person with such an injury is inclined to leave for his world or “fly to the moon” (to the astral plane) whenever possible. Often these eyes are filled with fear. Watching face fugitive, you can literally feel the mask on it, especially before your eyes. He himself often thinks that he is looking at the world through a mask. Some fugitives   They admitted to me that sometimes the feeling of a mask on their faces does not go away all day, while for others it lasts for several minutes. It doesn't really matter how long it lasts; the important thing is that this is their way of not being present in what is happening around.

Not to be present, so as not to suffer.

The presence of all these signs indicates that the trauma of the rejected is very deep, much deeper than that of a person with a single sign - for example, only with eyes fugitive. If the body is inherent, say, half the signs fugitive, it can be assumed that this person wears a protective mask not all the time, but about half. This may apply, for example, to a person with a sufficiently large body, but a small face and small eyes. fugitive   or to a person with a large body and very short ankles. If not all signs of the rejected are observed, then the injury is not so deep either.

Wearing a mask is not to be yourself. As a child, we develop not mine   demeanor, believing that she will protect us. The first reaction of a human being who feels rejected is the desire to run away, slip away, disappear. A child who feels rejected and creates a mask fugitiveusually lives in an imaginary world. For this reason, he is most often smart, prudent, quiet and does not create problems.

Alone, he amuses himself with his imaginary world and builds castles in the air. He may even consider that his parents are not real, that they confused the newborns in the hospital. Such children devise many ways to escape from home; one of them is a pronounced desire to go to school. However, having come to school and feeling rejected there (or rejecting themselves), they go to their own world, "to the moon." One woman told me that she felt like a “tourist” at school.

On the other hand, the child of such a warehouse wants to be noticed, although he is not sure of his right to exist. I recall one girl who hid behind a closet at the very moment when her parents met guests on the doorstep of the house. When they noticed that there was no child, everyone rushed to look for her. She did not leave her shelter, although she heard well how the anxiety of adults was growing. She said to herself: “I want them to find me. I want them to understand that I exist. ”. This girl was so unsure of her right to exist that she was comfortable with situations that could confirm this right.

Since the body size of such a child is smaller than average and it often resembles a doll or some fragile and defenseless creature, the mother takes care of him too much; and he gets used to the fact that everyone constantly says: he is too small for this, he is too weak for that, etc. The child begins to believe in it so much that his body really becomes small. For this reason, “being loved” means something asphyxiating to him. Subsequently, when someone falls in love with him,

his first impulse will be to reject this love or run away, because the fear of suffocation will still nest in him. An overly ward child feels rejected, feels that he is not accepted for who he is. Trying to somehow compensate for his smallness and fragility, loved ones try to do everything and even think for him; but even then, instead of feeling loved, the child feels rejected in his abilities.

Fugitive   prefers not to become attached to material things, because they can prevent him from running away whenever and wherever he wants. It seems that he really looks at everything material from top to bottom. He asks himself what he is doing on this planet; it is very difficult for him to believe that he can be happy here. He is especially attracted to everything that is connected with the spirit, as well as the intellectual world. He rarely uses material things for pleasure, believing such pleasure to be superficial. One young woman told me that she did not like to go to the shops. She does this only to feel alive. Fugitive   admits that money is necessary, but they do not bring him joy.

Detachment fugitive   from material things becomes the cause of difficulties in his sex life. He is ready to believe that sexuality is contrary to spirituality. Many fugitives-Women told me that they considered sex a non-spiritual phenomenon, especially after they became mothers. Some even managed to set up their spouse so that he did not want physical intimacy with them throughout the entire period of pregnancy.

Fugitives   it can be very difficult to understand that they can and have the right to have the same sexual needs as any normal person. They gravitate to situations in which they are rejected sexually - or they themselves refuse a sexual life.

The trauma of rejection is experienced with a parent of his gender.

If you recognize yourself in the description of a person who feels rejected, it means that you have experienced the same feeling with respect to the parent of the same gender. It is this parent who first picks up an existing wound. And then rejection and dislike of this parent, even hate, become quite normal and human.

The role of the parent of the same sex with us is to teach us to love - to love ourselves and give love. The parent of the opposite sex must be taught to allow yourself to love and accept love .

Without accepting the parent, we just as naturally decide not to use it as a model. If you see that this is also your injury, then know that it is this rejection that explains your difficulties: being the same sex with an unloved parent, you cannot accept yourself and love yourself.

Fugitive   He does not believe in his value; he himself does not put himself in anything. And for this reason, uses all means to become perfect and gain value both in his own eyes and in the eyes of others. The word “NOBODY” is a favorite in his dictionary, and with the same success he applies it both to himself and to others:

"My boss said that I was nobody, I had to leave.".

  "AT economic matters my mother is nobody ”.

“My father is just nobody in a relationship with my mom. So did my spouse; I do not blame him for leaving me. ”.

In Quebec, they prefer the word "NOTHING":

“I know that I'm nothing, others are more interesting than me”.

“No matter what I do, it doesn’t give anything, anyway I have to start all over again”.

“I’m nothing, nothing ... do as you want”.

One man- fugitive   admitted at a seminar that he feels like a jerk and a slacker in front of his father. “When he speaks to me, I am crushed. If able to think, then only about how to slip away from him; where all my arguments and composure go. His presence alone depresses me. ”. Woman- fugitive told me how at the age of sixteen she decided that from now on mother for her nothing   - after the mother said that it would be better if she did not have such a daughter, it would be better if she disappeared, even if she died. Avoiding suffering, the daughter has since completely withdrawn from her mother.

It is interesting to note that the flight of a child who feels rejected is mainly encouraged by the parent of the same sex. Most often in stories about children leaving home I have to hear the phrase of the parent: “Are you leaving? Very good, it’ll become freer here. ”. The child, of course, feels his rejection even more painfully and is even more angry with the parent. This kind of situation easily arises with a parent who himself suffers from the same trauma. He encourages care, because he knows this remedy well, even if he is not aware of it.

Noticeable place in the dictionary fugitive   also occupy the words "does not exist", "nonexistent." For example, to the questions: “How is it with sex?”   or “What is your relationship with such a person?”   he answers: “They do not exist”while most people will simply answer that things are not going well or that the relationship is not working out.

Fugitive   also loves words fade away. He can say: “My father treats my mother like a prostitute ... I would like to disappear”   or “If only my parents would be gone!”

Fugitive   he seeks loneliness, solitude, because he is afraid of the attention of others - he does not know how to behave at the same time, it seems to him that his existence is too noticeable. And in the family, and in any group of people he is stewed. He believes that he must endure to the end the most unpleasant situations, as if he has no right to fight back; in any case, he does not see options for salvation. Here is an example: a girl asks her mom to help deal with the lessons and hears in response: “Go to dad. Can't you see that I'm busy, and he has nothing to do? ”   The first reaction of the rejected child will be the thought: “Well, again, I was not courteous, and so my mother refused to help me”and then the girl will go look for a quiet corner where she can hide from everyone.

At fugitive   usually very few friends at school, and subsequently at work. He is considered closed and left alone. The more he isolates himself, the more invisible he seems. He falls into a vicious circle: feeling rejected, he puts on a mask fugitiveso as not to suffer; he is so shy that others cease to notice him; he becomes more and more lonely, which gives him even more reason to feel rejected.

And now I will describe to you a situation that was repeated many times at the very end of my seminars, at the moment when everyone tells how the seminar helped him. I find with great surprise the presence of a person whom I have not noticed during the two-day workshop! I ask myself: “But where was she hiding all this time?”   Then I see that she has a body fugitivethat she arranged herself so as not to speak or ask questions during the whole seminar, and that she sat all the time behind the others, trying not to be in sight. When I tell such participants that they are too shy, they reply almost invariably that they have nothing to say interesting, therefore they did not say.

Really, fugitive   usually speaks little. Sometimes he can speak, and he speaks a lot - he is trying to assert his significance; in this case, others see pride in his statements.

At fugitive   The SKIN PROBLEM often develops so that it is not touched. Skin is a contact organ, its appearance can attract or repel another person. Skin disease is an unconscious way to protect yourself from touch, especially in those places that are associated with the problem. I have heard from fugitives: “When they touch me, I have the impression of being pulled out of my cocoon”. The wound of the rejected achs and makes him finally believe that if he leaves for his world, he will not suffer any more, since he himself will not reject himself, and others will not be able to reject him. Therefore, he often shies away from participating in group work, stewing. He is hiding in his cocoon.

Therefore fugitive   easily and willingly goes on astral travels: unfortunately, these travels are more often made unconsciously. He may even think that this is a common occurrence and that others are there   as often as he is. In thoughts and ideas fugitive   constantly scattered; sometimes you can hear from him: “I need to assemble myself”   - it seems to him that it consists of separate pieces. This impression is especially characteristic of those whose body resembles a structure of disparate parts. More than once I heard from fugitives: “I feel as if cut off from other people. It's like I'm not here. ”. Some told me that sometimes they distinctly feel how their body is divided in half - as if an invisible thread cuts it at the waist. In a friend of mine, this thread shared her body at chest level. As a result of applying the detachment technique that I teach at one of my seminars, she felt that the upper and lower parts of her body were connected, and was very surprised by the new sensation. This helped her to understand that she had not really been in her body since childhood. She never knew what it means to be attached to the earth.

At the workshops I notice fugitives, mainly women who like to sit on a chair with their legs crossed underneath; it seems that they would be more comfortable sitting on the ground. But, since they almost do not touch the earth, it is not difficult for them sneak out. But they pay money to attend our classes, and this fact confirms their intention - or at least the desire of some of them - to be herealthough it’s very difficult for them to concentrate, “assemble themselves”. Therefore, I tell them that they have a choice - to go to the astral plane and skip what is happening here, or to remain attached to their place and be present in the present.

As I said above, fugitive   does not feel acceptance or goodwill on the part of the parent of the same gender. This does not necessarily mean that the parent rejects it. It is his, fugitive, personal feeling. The same soul could come to Earth in order to get rid of the trauma of humiliation, and incarnate with these same parents with exactly the same attitude towards their child. On the other hand, it goes without saying that fugitive   tends to experience the experience of the rejected more than any other person - say, brother or sister - who does not have this trauma.

A person experiencing the suffering of the rejected is constantly seeking the love of a parent of the same gender; he can also transfer his search to other persons of the same gender. He will consider himself a creature incomplete until he won the love of the parent. He is very sensitive to the slightest remark from this parent and is always ready to decide that he rejects him. It gradually develops bitterness and bitterness, often turning into hatred - so great is his suffering. Do not forget that hate requires a lot of love. Hatred is a strong but frustrated love. The wound of the rejected is so deep that of all five characters fugitive most prone to hatred. He easily passes the stage of great love in order to surrender to great hatred. This is an indicator of the strongest inner suffering.

As for the parent of the opposite sex, then fugitive   he himself is afraid to reject him and in every possible way restrains himself in his actions and statements in relation to him. Because of his injury, he cannot be himself. He resorts to various tricks and precautions so as not to reject this parent - he does not want to be accused of having rejected anyone himself. On the other hand, he wants the parent of the same sex to curry favor with him - this allows him to not so sharply feel his rejection. He does not want to see that his suffering of the rejected is caused by an internal outlasted trauma, and the parent has nothing to do with it. If fugitive   experiencing the experience of the opposite sex rejected by the parent (or another person), then blames himself for this and rejects himself.

If you see the trauma of the rejected in yourself, then for you, even if your parent really rejects you, it is very important to understand and accept the following thought: “It is because your trauma is not cured that you attract a certain type of situation and a certain parent.” As long as you consider that all your misfortunes are caused by the fault of other people, your injury cannot be cured. As a result of your reaction to your own parents, it will be very easy for you to have the feeling of rejecting your gender by other people, and you will always be afraid to reject a person of the opposite sex yourself.

The deeper the trauma of the rejected, the more he draws to himself the circumstances in which he is rejected or rejects .

More than fugitive   rejects himself, the stronger his fear of rejection. He constantly humiliates and underestimates himself. He often compares himself with those who are stronger in something than him, and thus develops a belief in his own second-rate. He does not notice that in some areas he can surpass other people. He will not believe that someone would like to make friends with him, that someone sees his spouse in him, that they can truly love him. One mother told me about her children: they tell her that they love her, but she does not understand for what   they love her!

Everything turns out so that fugitive constantly lives in an uncertain state: if he is elected, he does not believe in it and rejects himself - sometimes to such an extent that, in fact, provokes the situation; if he is not elected, then he feels rejected by others. One young man from a large family told me that his father never entrusted him with anything, from which the child made a definitive conclusion that all other children are better than him. And it is not surprising that now father always chooses one of them. A vicious circle has formed.

Fugitive   often says (or thinks) that all his affairs and thoughts are worthless. When they pay attention to him, he is lost, he begins to think that he takes up too much space. If he takes up a lot of space, it seems to him that he is interfering with someone, which means that he will be rejected by those whom he will bother. Even in the womb fugitive   does not take up extra space. He is doomed to stew until his injury is healed.

When he speaks and someone interrupts him, he instantly perceives this as proof that he is not worth listening to, and habitually falls silent. The man, not burdened by the trauma of the rejected, in this case also concludes that his statement was uninteresting - but not he! Fugitive   it is equally difficult to express one’s opinion when they don’t ask him: it seems to him that the interlocutors will see a confrontation in it and reject it.

If he has a question or a request to someone, but this person is busy, then he will not say anything. He knows what he wants, but he does not dare to ask for it, considering that it is not so important as to bother others.

Many women say that even in adolescence they no longer trusted their mother for fear of not being understood. They believe that to be understood is to be loved. Meanwhile, one has nothing to do with the other. To love is to accept another, even if you do not understand him.   Because of this belief, they become evasive in conversation. And it turns out that they are always trying to get away from the subject of discussion, but they are afraid to proceed with another. Of course, they behave not only with their mother, but also with other women. If fugitive   - a man, his relations with his father and other men are exactly the same.

Another distinguishing feature fugitive is the desire for excellence in everything that he does: he believes that if he makes a mistake, he will be condemned, and to be condemned for him is the same as to be rejected. Since he does not believe in his own perfection, he is trying to compensate for this with the perfection of what he does. Unfortunately, he confuses "to be" and "to do." The search for excellence can go as far as obsession with him. He so longs for everything do   it is impeccable that any work takes him unreasonably much time. And ultimately it is because of this that they reject him.

Reaching its limit, fear is fugitive   goes into panic. At the mere thought of the possibility of panic, he first of all searches for where to hide, escape, disappear. He would prefer to disappear, because he knows: in a state of panic, he will not budge at all. He believes that by hiding somewhere, he will escape trouble. He is so convinced of his inability to cope with the panic that in the end it is very easy to succumb to it, even when there is no reason for it. Desire to hide, disappear deeply peculiar fugitives;   I have often seen cases of regression to an embryonic state. Such people said that they wanted to hide in their mother’s stomach, another evidence of how early this begins.

Pulling to himself, like a magnet, people and the situations he is afraid of, fugitive   likewise provokes circumstances in which he has panic. His fear, of course, dramatizes what is happening even more. He always finds any kind of explanation for his flight or evasion.

Fugitive   it panics and stiffens with fear especially easily in the presence of a parent or other people of the same sex (especially if they remind this parent of something). He does not feel this fear with a parent and with other people of the opposite sex, it is much easier for him to communicate with them. I also noticed that in the dictionary fugitive   the word "panic" is quite common. He can say, for example: “I am in panic at the thought of quitting smoking.”. Usually a person will simply say that it is difficult for him to give up smoking.

Our ego does everything possible so that we do not notice our injuries. Why? Because we ourselves gave him this mandate. Unconsciously. We are so afraid to relive the pain associated with each trauma that we use all means to avoid admitting to ourselves that we are suffering the rejected being because we reject ourselves. And those who reject us have come into our lives in order to show us how much we reject ourselves.

Fear of own panic   in many situations leads fugitive   to the fact that he loses his memory. He might even think that he has a memory problem, but in fact he has a problem with fear. During course workshops "Become a mass-entertainer"   I have repeatedly observed this picture: one of the participants, fugitive, must speak to the rest and say something or hold a mini-conference; but even when he is well prepared and knows his material, fear at the last minute grows to such a level that everything comes out of the head of the speaker. Sometimes he simply leaves his body, and it freezes in front of us, as if paralyzed - neither give nor take a sleepwalker. Fortunately, this problem is gradually being solved as he overcomes his trauma of the rejected.

It is interesting to observe how our injuries affect our attitude to food. A person feeds his physical body in the same way as the mental and emotional. Fugitive   prefers small portions; he often loses his appetite when he experiences bouts of fear or other strong emotions. Of all the types listed fugitive   most prone to anorexia: he almost completely refuses to eat, because he seems to himself too big and well-fed, although in reality the opposite is true. Weight loss below normal, exhaustion is his attempt to disappear. Sometimes appetite wins, and then fugitive   eagerly pounces on food - this is also an attempt to disappear, dissolve in food. However, this method fugitives   rarely used; more often they are attracted to alcohol or drugs.

Fugitives   have a weakness for sweets, especially when they are overcome by intense fear. Since fear takes away energy from a person, it is natural to assume that the introduction of sugar into the body can make up for the loss. Indeed, sugar gives energy, but, unfortunately, not for long, so you have to replenish it in this way too often.

Our injuries prevent us from being ourselves; because of this, blocks appear in the body and, as a result, diseases. Each type of character has its own special ailments and illnesses, determined by its internal mental structure.

Here are some typical fugitive   disease and malaise.

He often suffers from DIARRHEA - he rejects, throws away food before the body has time to absorb nutrients, just as he rejects a situation that could be beneficial for him.

Many suffer from arrhythmia - irregular heart rhythm. When the heart begins to beat like mad, they have a feeling that it wants to break out of its chest, fly away; this is another form of desire to avoid a painful situation.

I have said before that the wound of the rejected is so painful that fugitive   hatred towards the parent of his gender, which he, as a child, condemned for the suffering inflicted on him, develops quite logically. Forgive yourself, however, for hating your parent fugitive   cannot and prefers not to think and not to know about the existence of this hatred. Without giving himself the right to hate a parent of his gender, he can bring himself to cancer with CANCER: this disease is associated with bitterness, anger, hatred - with mental pain experienced in loneliness.

If a person manages to come to the recognition that he hated or hates a parent, then there will be no cancer. He may develop an acute illness if he continues to harbor plans that are hostile to this parent, but it will not be cancer. Cancer manifests itself most often in someone who has suffered a lot, but blames it only himself. To accept that you hate father or mother is really difficult, because it means recognizing oneself as evil and heartless; it also means accepting that you reject the parent whom you yourself have blamed for rejecting you.

Fugitive   does not give himself the right to be a child. He forces ripening, believing that it will suffer less from his injury. For this reason, his body (or some part of it) also resembles the body of a child. Cancer indicates that he did not give the child the right to suffer in himself. He did not accept that it is humanly fair to hate a parent whom you consider to be the culprit of his sufferings.

Among other diseases characteristic of fugitive, we also see impaired RESPIRATORY FUNCTIONS, especially during a panic.

Fugitive   subject to ALLERGIES - this is a reflection of the rejection that he has experienced or is experiencing in relation to certain foods or substances.

He can choose VOMIT as an indicator of his aversion to a particular person or to a situation. I heard even such statements from adolescents: “I want to vomit my mother (or father).” Fugitive   often wants to "vomit" a situation or a hated person and can express his feeling in words: "This is a sickening man."   or "I am sick of your conversations". All of these are ways to express your desire to reject someone or something.

SWEEPING or FUNNING are also suitable means if you really want to avoid a situation or person.

In serious cases fugitive   is saved by COMO.

FugitiveAgorophobia sufferer uses this disorder when he wants to avoid some situations and people who can cause him to panic (more on this behavioral disorder will be discussed in chapter 3).

If fugitive   abuse sugar, it can provoke diseases of the pancreas, such as HYPOGLYCEMIA or DIABETES.

If he has accumulated too much hatred for the parent as a result of the suffering experienced and experienced by him as a rejected being, and if he has reached his emotional and mental limit, then he may develop a DEPRESSIVE or MANIAKAL-DEPRESSIVE state. If he plans to commit suicide, he does not talk about it, and when he proceeds to action, he provides for everything so as not to fail. Those who often talk about suicide and usually make mistakes when they go to action are more likely to be abandoned; they will be discussed in the next chapter.

Fugitive   since childhood it is difficult to recognize oneself as a full-fledged human being, therefore he seeks to be like   the hero or heroine adored by him, he is ready to get lost, dissolve in his idol - for example, a young girl longs to be Marilyn Monroe; it lasts until she decides to be someone else. The danger of such a deviation in behavior lies in the fact that over time it can turn into PSYCHOS.

The diseases and ailments listed above are also possible in people with other types of injuries, but nevertheless they are most often found in those who feel rejected.

If you find yourself injured by the rejected, then it is more than likely that your parent of the same sex also feels rejected by his parent of the same gender; moreover, it is very likely that he feels rejected by you too. This may not be recognized by any of the parties, nevertheless, this is true and confirmed by thousands of people - fugitives.

Remember: the main reason for the existence of any injury is the inability to forgive yourself for the wound inflicted on yourself or other people. It’s very difficult to forgive ourselves, because, as a rule, we don’t even know that we condemn ourselves. The deeper your wound is rejected, the more accurately it indicates that you reject yourself - or reject other people, situations and projects.

We reproach others for not wanting to see ourselves .

That is why we attract people who show us how we behave with others or with ourselves.

Another means of realizing that we are rejecting ourselves or rejecting another person is shame. Indeed, we experience a sense of shame when we want to hide or hide our behavior. It is normal to find shameful behavior in which we reproach others. We really do not want them to find that we behave in exactly the same way.

Remember: everything described above is experienced only if the suffering rejected person decides to wear a fugitive mask, believing that in this way he will avoid suffering proportional to the depth of the injury. He wears this mask in some cases for several minutes a week, in others - almost constantly .

Characteristic behavior fugitive, dictated by the fear of a repetition of the suffering of the rejected. But it may be that you recognize yourself in some of the features of behavior described above, but not in all. Full coincidence of all characteristics is almost impossible. Each injury has its own forms of behavior and internal conditions. The way a person thinks, feels, speaks and acts (in accordance with his injuries) determines his reaction to everything that happens in life. A person in a state of reaction cannot be balanced, cannot be concentrated in his heart, cannot experience well-being and happiness. That is why it is so important to be aware when you are reacting and when you remain yourself. If this succeeds, then you have the opportunity to become the master of your life, and not let fears control it.

In this chapter, I set out to help you realize the trauma of the rejected. If you recognize yourself in a mask fugitive, then in the last chapter you will find complete information on how to recover from this trauma, how to become yourself again and not suffer from the feeling that everyone rejects you. If you do not find this injury in yourself, then I advise you to contact those who know you well for confirmation; this will eliminate the error. As I said, the rejected person’s injury can be shallow, and then you will have only certain characteristic features fugitive. Let me remind you that trust should first of all be a physical description, because the physical body never lies, in contrast to its owner, who is quite capable of deceiving himself.

If you find this injury in someone else, you should not try to change it. Better use everything you learn from this book to develop more compassion for other people in order to better understand the nature of their reactive behavior. And it is better if they themselves read this book if they have an interest in the problem than try to retell its contents to them.

Failure injury characteristics

Awakening injury:from the moment of conception to one year; with a parent of your gender.Does not feel the right to exist.

Mask:   fugitive.

Parent:the same gender.

Body:   compressed, narrow, fragile, fragmented.

Eyes:   small, with an expression of fear; the impression of a mask around the eyes.

Dictionary:   “Nothing” “nobody” “does not exist” “disappear” “I am sick of ...”.

Character:   Detachment from the material. The pursuit of excellence. Intellectuality. Transitions through the stages of great love for periods of deep hatred. He does not believe in his right to exist. Sexual difficulties. Considers himself useless to no one, a jerk. Seeks solitude. Stewed. Able to be invisible. Finds a variety of escape methods. Easy to go to the astral plane. He believes that they do not understand him. He cannot let his inner child live in peace.

Most afraid:   panic attacks.

Food:   Appetite often disappears due to an influx of emotions or fear. Eats in small portions. Sugar, alcohol and drugs as ways to escape. Predisposition to anorexia.

Typical diseases:   Cutaneous Diarrhea Arrhythmia Respiratory failure Allergies Vomiting Fainting Coma Hypoglycemia Diabetes Depression Suicidal tendencies Psychoses.

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We continue the preparatory training and our acquaintance with children's psychological injuries. These injuries are therefore called “psychological” because they injure the psyche, and affect the thoughts and feelings of a person, his reactions and behavior.

These five injuries - we will heal them at the May seminar:

1. Outcast injury.
2. Trauma of the Abandoned.
3. Injury to the humiliated.
4. The trauma of betrayal.
5. Injury Injury.

Each of these injuries causes a person to commit incorrect, illogical, sometimes even stupid actions, which then can no longer be corrected. It happens that a person understands that he is doing something wrong, but he does it anyway - but he cannot justify “why”.

Trauma keeps a person on a “short leash,” and governs his actions, decisions, choices.

A “dormant” trauma can wait for years and become active at any moment, taking a person out of balance.

Not wanting to meet with an injury and experience discomfort, we commit unusual acts. For example, we refuse people who are suitable for us, turn away from our loved ones, and then we regret it all our lives.

In addition, injuries tend to grow and poison new and new areas of life.

We will talk about this in more detail at the next seminar - on Thursday, April 16. In the meantime, let's look at the damaging effects of injuries with real examples. Through what fears and feelings people are controlled by childhood injuries.

1. Fear of rejection and "trauma of the rejected."

If you have this trauma, then you are often afraid that they will not accept you, they will not understand, and they will not love the way you are.

In importance, this injury comes first, as it appears first and hurts very deeply.

Have you ever felt that nobody understands you and nobody needs you   - And from this there is a feeling of hopelessness and even panic?

This is the manifestation of the “trauma of the rejected.”   A person with such an injury often uses the words “I am nothing”, “I am nobody”, “does not exist”, “disappear”, “I feel sick of ...”.

Here are the signs of such a person

• "Swings" of mood - from the stage of great love to periods of deep hatred.
• Such a person considers himself useless, insignificant.
• Shyness can be observed in his behavior, he has a low self-esteem.
• He believes that they do not understand him, people "do not hear him."
• in a company such a person seeks to take up less space, and not to show himself actively.

Where does the “rejected injury” come from?

• Unwanted child.   Parents did not want to have this child, or maybe even were unhappy that he had appeared - because he had interfered with their plans.
• The child is of the wrong gender.   For example, a father wanted a son - an heir, a successor of the clan, family name, business, and a daughter is born. Or the mother wanted a girl, but a boy was born.
• "We do not need you."   If the parent even jokingly says that there will be more space in the house when the child leaves (marries, leaves for grandmother, etc.).
• Lack of love.   Parents, for various reasons or simply inability, do not show proper care or love for the child.

After the healing of the “rejected injury”You look at the world in a completely different way, internally acknowledge your right to exist and your opinion, stop tormented by panic and a sense of uselessness.

After that, you begin to confidently and openly build relationships. And if you have allergies, skin reactions, arrhythmias, respiratory failure (a feeling of lack of air), then having worked through an injury you can get rid of it.

2. Fear of loneliness and "trauma of the abandoned."

This is a condition when you are panicky afraid to end a relationship with a person and remain alone with the inner emptiness. When there is a threat of a break, you do everything to keep your partner. You step on the throat of your own pride, and sometimes common sense, and you can do nothing with the desire to maintain a relationship.

As a result, you achieve success. But! When the relationship resumes, you begin to realize that this person does not really suit you. And so ... thoughts of a break appear again.

This is how the “trauma of the abandoned” acts.It is she who activates destructive programs in you, makes you afraid and by all means avoid loneliness. But it is loneliness that is healing and constructive - this is the period of preparation and awareness necessary to meet with your person.

Where does the “injury left” come from?

A child communicates with a parent of the opposite sex. For example, a girl does not have enough communication with her father (because he is busy, or because he does not live with them ...) The boy does not have enough communication with his mother.

Here are examples of such situations:

• A second child appears.   Mom pays all her attention to the newborn and the eldest son feels "abandoned." And if the newborn is sick, the parents are even more about him, then the strength of the injury increases.
• Parents are constantly at work.   The child spends all the time alone. Even understanding with the mind that mom and dad should work, the baby cannot protect the soul and psyche from injury.
• Parents give their child away during their vacation   - grandmother, aunt, uncle, parents of friends, etc.
• When a child stays in the hospital, and for objective reasons, parents are forbidden to visit him for a while. For example, a child after surgery in intensive care - the parents would be glad, but not, and the child - "trauma of the abandoned."
• One of the parents gets sick.   The second parent pays all attention to the patient, the child remains abandoned.

A person with an injury of an abandoned person is more in need of someone else's presence, attention, support. Such a person becomes uneasy when he has to do something or decide alone. he is afraid of loneliness.

Having healed the “trauma of the deserted”, you can end your unfavorable relationship and create happy ones. And if you leave everything as it is, the trauma will progress and strengthen its action, or move to another sphere of life.

"I do not want" or "I can not"?

In today's article, we get acquainted with only two injuries, so that it is easier for you to understand the difference between them. Often, people confuse the trauma of the “Rejected” and “Abandoned”.

• To reject is to say "I do not want to." The rejected person feels that they are giving up on him, he is not needed, we are not desirable or undesirable.
• To leave is to say “I can’t”. He is leaving because such circumstances and his parents cannot be near.

These injuries have a completely different effect. Therefore, it is so important to determine the healing of childhood injuries under the guidance of an experienced specialist. Tomorrow we will continue - and consider the three remaining injuries and their symptoms. In the meantime, write in the comments on this article - which of these two injuries you saw at home, and whether you will be able to identify these injuries in other people.

Let's figure it out

And to deal with all the symptoms, we will meet on April 16   (Thursday) at a free online seminar. You will determine what injuries what reactions you cause, what they are dangerous and how they affect you specifically. And already at the May workshop, we will deal with healing.

Soon we will tell you what exactly will be at the online seminar and what you will learn.

I remind you: to receive an invitation, you must be a participant in the preparatory training. If you have not signed up for our training yet, fill out the form below. The training is free, everyone can participate - so you prepare for the May workshop.

Appointment for the April Preparatory Training Rejected Injury   - regression of an adult into a child, with the experience of loneliness, uselessness and fear of death due to their own helplessness. Causes and consequences. One of the main reasons is the past experience of relations with the mother figure, in which the mother could not satisfy the needs for security, affection and closeness. As a rule, it is formed in early childhood up to 6 years, when the child needs close contact with the mother. The child wants the presence of the mother nearby, her approval, warmth, interest, attention and acceptance. The host mother, who is nearby, is one of the conditions for growing up, getting the right to express herself, her emotions and feelings in adulthood. In the future, “healthy” contact with the mother will become the foundation for harmonious relationships and social success of the individual. Therefore, if in a person’s life there is neither the first nor the second, it makes sense to work with the trauma of rejection through psychotherapy. Why does mother reject child? The reason for rejection is the lack of the mother’s internal resource (strength, mood, skill, love of self) and the presence of past experience that reinforces the rejection model. Simply put, the mother is tired, but does not realize this, and acts with the child as her mother did with her. If you dig deeper, you can see the mother’s exaggerated demands on herself, because of which she does not allow her to notice her limitations and stop during time in order to relax. As a result, having completely exhausted from the fulfillment of maternal duty, there is nothing else left but to simply break contact with the child in order to at least slightly replenish his strength. Hence the conclusion: a mother with a desire to be ideal more often rejects a child than one that is aware of its limitations. It is important to understand that you do not have to be perfect, but you can just be a “reasonably good mother,” one who admits his limitations and accepts his needs. Only the mother who has learned to take care of herself can do this adequately with her child. A mother with a fad “ideal”, as a rule, will rush from one extreme to another, then she will be hyper-custody, then she will be cold and rejecting. The mechanism of inclusion of trauma rejection. The rejection trauma is triggered by the repetition of a scenario in adulthood that resembles the scenario of rejecting a mother from childhood. for example: the child expresses aggression against the mother, which violates his borders, she cannot remain in contact with him and rejects him with the words: “you are no longer my son / daughter” and goes to another room. In adulthood, if such a person shows aggression and receives a rejection of a partner that resembles a mother, he psychologically regresses into a child and experiences the same feelings as in childhood. It seems to him that he is small and helpless, unnecessary to anyone and in his life there is no sense. As a rule, guilt and shame are added to all this. Or another option, when a person identifies himself with his mother and at first suffers intolerable, is exhausted from such a relationship, and then rejects the interlocutor and breaks off his relationship with him. As a rule, in different types of relationships, with trauma of rejection, these scenarios alternate. Feelings and thoughts during the experience of rejection. Fear of death - The most powerful emotion in trauma rejection. It is experienced as loss of oneself and an immersion in thoughts of helplessness and the inevitability of death. A man fantasizes a scenario in which a mother leaves him and he, as a child, cannot survive in this world. In fact, we are most afraid of the uncertainty and uncertainty. If you live the script to its logical end, the unknown is replaced by clarity and the fear goes away. We will talk about how to do this below. Mother aggression   - This is a natural emotion that is caused due to dissatisfaction with the actual needs of the child. It is important to accept your aggression and let it express itself. In therapy, this can be done through the “stool technique”: imagine the mother on it and react to your feelings on it. This is a very important point, because as long as aggression is not responded, there is no way to understand and accept the behavior of the mother. Those people who forbid themselves to express aggression are in fact the most “evil” and tense. A “kind” person has reacted and forgotten, and one who suppresses his feelings, on the one hand, destroys himself, and on the other hand, he can inadequately engage in an insignificant trifle at any time. Switching aggression from mother to self ( retroflexion), feelings of guilt and shame. If a person does not allow expressing the aggression of other people, then often it can be directed at him. So there is a feeling of guilt and shame. Wines   - this is aggression aimed at my behavior (I did wrong), shame- aggression aimed at my personality (I am a bad person). A man fantasizes that if he directs aggression at the offender, he will be rejected, and so that this does not happen, he turns aggression on himself. As a result, he justifies the offender, and begins to blame and shame himself. Therapy is healing from the trauma of the rejected.   Surviving the worst scenario of rejection. To do this, you need to introduce yourself as a child and play the scenario of rejecting the mother in your mind. Suppose mom left you alone, and what will you do after that? Perhaps you will sit and wait, be sad, cry and be afraid. Well, what will you do afterwards when it gets boring? Yes, there is no mother, but there is a father, grandfather or grandmother, uncle or aunt and you can turn to them for support and care. If this can be done, then live the new script in your mind and get a new experience where the rejection ends with care and protection from another person, not necessarily mom. At this stage, most of the anxiety will go away and you will feel better. Interruption of age-related regression and return to reality. The rejection trauma cannot occur without age regression, therefore, if you recognize yourself as an adult who can take care of himself, protect and ensure his survival, this will become a powerful resource in overcoming the state of helplessness and the inability to do without a “mother's figure”. In order to do this, in the event of a state of rejection, it is important to return to the body, feel your borders, weight, legs, trunk, arms and straighten your back, feel the crown, relax your facial muscles and begin to breathe consciously, exhaling and inhaling for 5 counts. Then remember who you are now, how old you are, how you provide for yourself, and so on. Contact with reality will interrupt the regression in the child and your condition will stabilize.   Self-treatment through a psychodrama technique or an experiment with empty chairs. ( For advanced) For this practice you will need three free chairs . Stage 1 On chair number 1, you sit down as an outcast child. You feel your condition and from it you imagine, opposite yourself, your mother, or any other person (hereinafter referred to as mom), who once rejected you. Then you feel your emotions and express them to your figure in chair number 2. For example: - " Mom, I'm mad at you, you're bad, you left me and left me alone. I am very scared, I feel helpless and hopeless». Then realize your needs that are behind these emotions. For example: - “I want you to hug me and protect me, saying that you need me and that you love me”. Next, it’s important to ask mom why she rejected and ask if she can satisfy your needs. This is an important point, since without understanding the motives of another person, we cannot understand him, and, therefore, cannot complete this situation in our minds. But it’s important to do this not logically, namely to feel, to live while being able to another person. To do this, you need to sit on chair number 2 and identify yourself with your mother. Stage 2 Sit in the second chair, close your eyes. Imagine yourself as a mother, feel in a female body, imagine how you are dressed, how old you are, where you live and work. The more you remember the details and the better you get used to the role of the mother, the more effective the therapeutic work will be done. Further, when you already felt like a woman, imagine opposite your child, who is telling you the phrases that were higher. Feel your feelings and thoughts about these phrases and answer the child what you want. The main thing here is to be honest, to say what you want, and not to force yourself to be a good mom. Still, fooling yourself will not work. Perhaps from your mother’s side you will hear words of repentance and acceptance. She will explain why she rejected you and will now want to make up for her omission. Then it is important on the part of the child to believe in this and receive care and support. However, there may be another scenario where the mother continues to be rejective and does not understand what you want from her. Then it is important to move on to the next stage of therapeutic work. Stage 3 You return to the role of the child and represent yourself in the third chair, but already an adult. Realize your feelings for this person. Our goal is to see strength in him and show interest in him. If this can be done the first time, then your task is to ask him what your mother asked. If there is a feeling of resentment towards an adult figure, it is important to express this resentment and receive feedback from the adult, and only then talk about your needs. Stage 4 Sit in the third chair, remember who you really are, feel like an adult who is able to provide for himself and take care of his needs. Next, look from the heart region at the child in chair number 1 and express his feelings to him. The most important thing is to feel compassion for him and the intention to take him under his protection. If this succeeds, the psychodrama ends with the child sitting next to you and you take the responsibility of caring for him. The child rejoices and rejection trauma therapy ends. Conclusion However, unfortunately, not everything is so simple - a child can have many grievances, and an adult - in its attitude, is no better than that rejecting mother. In this case, you need to contact a specialist (for example, me) for individual work, which may require more than one meeting. But I want to assure you that everything is decided, with your desire and intention. I hope this material was useful to you. If so, share it with your friends, perhaps it will help change their life for the better. The psychologist Vitaly Bambur. 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