If a guy is chatting with a girl. You found out that your boyfriend is chatting with other girls
May 24, 2015
It's nice when your girlfriend only communicates with you and friends. But what if the girl communicates with other guys? We will discuss this problem.
Every man wants his woman to devote time only to him. However, he is very jealous when a girl communicates with someone else. Especially when she communicates with a male representative. And this is normal. Where there is love, there is jealousy.
And so let's first look at the reasons why a girl communicates with other guys:
1 Manipulates. The girl wants to make you jealous. Most likely she needs something from you. It is not uncommon when girls play in public and look at a guy’s reaction. Also, a girl can manipulate when offended by you. And he wants to cause you to manifest emotions.
2. Lack of attention. Perhaps you devote little time to your beloved. And she found a way out of this situation. Namely, the girl began to correspond with other guys or communicate with them over the phone.
3. Changes. Do not exclude this option. After all, to be honest with himself, it is he who climbs first in the head. There are girls of easy virtue who are for loose relationships. They need a guy except for show. And with any guy’s attempts to take control of her, she easily dodges. This is such an incorrigible category of girls. And here you are unlikely to do anything.
4. Loves male communication. Some girls from childhood communicate with boys. And they like to have more guys in their social circle. For example, the singer Alena Vinnitskaya is more dominated by communication in men.
5. Friends. Of course, the friendship between a man and a woman is a moot point. But still, there are girls who believe in her. And this is normal. You most likely also have familiar girls or, in extreme cases, relatives with whom you communicate. Therefore, the girl may not even suspect that you do not like it. Or she doesn’t understand why she shouldn’t communicate with guys.
6. Doubts about you. The girl is not confident in her feelings. That's why she communicates with guys. He is looking for answers to his questions or is looking for a guy whom she will not doubt. Of course, this is all ugly on her part, but there is such a category of girls.
7. She is not interested in you. Perhaps your feelings faded over time. And you don’t even have anything to talk about. Yes, she loves you and is faithful to you, but she is just bored. That's why she communicates with other guys.
Now consider what to do in such situations:
1., then it’s worth telling her right in the face. This will bring her to clean water. But the manipulator still needs to be supported by facts. Since it will in any case be twisted.
2. Give her more attention. At least not to find a man who will give it. If with this in any way, then talk to your soulmate. Explain to her that you do not like it and tell her other entertainments.
3. If you are confident in treason, then make the appropriate decisions. If not, then do not chop off the shoulder. Try to find confirmation or refutation of such suspicions.
4. In this case, you need to accept your girlfriend as she is. Otherwise, the quarrel about this will never end. It is worth asking the girl to limit such communication.
5. Explain to the girl your position. And give her visual examples of why she should stop such communication. But do not put your position tough. Understand this after all her friends.
6. If a girl doubts your relationship, then you should confidently and decisively declare your position. Let her know that you can’t sit on two chairs.
7. If interest has faded, then it is worth renewing it. Sit down and remember how you met other great things in common. And try to become more interesting and romantic.
Draw conclusions and make your decisions. Whatever it was, you and only you are responsible for your life.
You must always remember that a man has a need to prove himself a hunter and a hero. It can be found in everyone, regardless of age and social status. A woman will not be able to destroy this need from a loved one. Psychologists recommend simply reconciling with it.
The forms of desire to heroize and hunt can take different. Sometimes, unfortunately, asocial. This is theft and banditry in the criminal world. Much depends on education, complexes, children's games. And if it is impossible to destroy the desire for hunting and manifestation of heroism in a man, then changing the form of its embodiment is real. Many intuitively find themselves safe for others, and especially for their beloved one. One of them is communication on the Internet. Yes, when a guy is chatting with others on social networks, he becomes a hunter. Trophies here are girls who are added as friends. The more of them, the better the hunt went for him. And compliments to your penpals and discussion of bold topics, sometimes of an intimate nature, are a manifestation of heroism, not a desire for treason.
If you understand and accept the logic of male behavior, the attitude towards the situation will change. Fear and anger that your boyfriend is chatting with other girls will disappear. The main thing is that you don’t need to make tantrums, blame and threaten with separation. Such behavior can only spoil the relationship with your loved one.
In the event of threats, prohibitions or the announcement of the terms “either they or me”, a protective reaction will arise from a lack of understanding of one's own motivating reasons for communicating on the Internet. Then the desire to hunt and heroism can be embodied in another. The guy wants to meet his penpals in real life.
If you don’t want to lose a guy, but his virtual communication with others is scary, it’s time to take action. Especially when the correspondence from the Internet has moved to the phone. This is a closer way of communication, SMS can be replaced by conversations and the appointment of a personal meeting. There are two ways to act. Change the form of embodiment of a guy’s desire to be a hunter or a hero or work with him from the inside, remove his fears.
In the first case, a guy is offered a competitive situation depending on his interests. For example, mutual acquaintances regularly relax abroad once a year. They give the guy the idea to jointly break their record and travel to other countries 2-3 times a year, and each time to a new state. Such an offer would include the excitement of a hunter. You can compete with him: shooting at a shooting range, riding a bicycle, car or roller skates. A prerequisite is to lose your loved one. And the compliment "my hero" should become a common expression in relation to him. Even if the guy is in correspondence with the former, he will not resist such offers and the attention of his girlfriend.
Psychological work with yourself will help to regain calm, remove jealousy and the habit of being annoyed over nothing. You can meditate to music, take a bath with aromatic oils. They recommend practicing inner laughter over the situation. For example, they imagine that all penpals have huge rabbit ears.
In any case, with respect to the guy it is worth acting with love and imagination. And soon, communication on the Internet will be for him only an occasion to brag about his beloved and hanging out with her.
Many men do not see anything terrible in the fact that they communicate with other women on the Internet. They do not think that such situations lead to indignation of their soul mates, who cannot understand how a person in love can allow this kind of communication.
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It is completely logical that the girl does not accept this behavior, she begins to be jealous and angry. Often even comes to a breakup. Before you burn all the bridges, it’s worthwhile to figure out if a man is really chatting with other women because he wants to change, or is this just communication.
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How to understand that a man is chatting with another woman
In such a situation, it all depends on how the guy feels. If this is a usual conversation with a colleague about a new order or a conversation about a boss, then in such a situation there is a high probability that for a man this is just business correspondence. If he became interested in any particular person with whom he was not connected in any way, and corresponded with her daily for several hours, then in this case it is worth starting to sound the alarm.
Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to whether the man’s attitude towards his second half has changed. If a guy starts a mistress, then in this case he can go in 2 ways:
- Become the most caring and gentle.The man feels his guilt and begins to bestow his other half with gifts, attention and tenderness, which she had never noticed before. So he tries to apologize to his beloved for the fact that he has already begun to subconsciously cheat on her.
- Start behaving aggressively.In this case, the man is angry with the woman and believes that she herself is to blame for the fact that he began to be interested in other girls. In a similar situation, he begins to insult his other half, humiliate her and express dissatisfaction with almost all issues.
Why do men chat with other women
If a young man spends a lot of time on the Internet and enthusiastically considers profiles of different girls on social networks or dating sites, this confirms that he himself does not understand what he wants from a relationship. Additionally, this may indicate:
- the lack of attention from his beloved;
- the lack of communication with your soulmate;
- about too many domestic problems;
- the desire to assert oneself and cause jealousy;
- about wanting to flirt and see what happens.
Sometimes it happens that if people live together, then after a while sexual interest in each other disappears. In this case, the emotions gradually fade away and the partners begin to concentrate on other things. A strong respect, mutual understanding, etc., appears in the relationship, but passion disappears.
Some men calm down and enjoy the fact that they have found life partners and can now concentrate on building a shared future. Others become bored and thirsty.
What does talking about sex with other women mean
The most unpleasant thing that a girl can stumble upon while studying the correspondence of her beloved is vulgar conversations or ambiguous hints. If a man communicates on the topic of sex with another woman or she sends him her photos of intimate content, then in this communication there is nothing good.
In such a situation, one does not have to talk about friendly correspondence. You should not believe the words of a man who can say that he just wanted to make a joke on a depraved person or was interested in how far she was ready to go. In this case, we are talking about serious problems in relations that need to be addressed immediately, until the partner decides to transfer communication with the interlocutor to another level.
What to do in such a situation
If a woman found her soul mate during correspondence with the other, then do not panic. You need to ask your partner about the purpose of such communication.
Men always say that the correspondence does not contain anything serious, even if it occurs with a mistress whom they have been dating for many years. Some partners claim that they just got bored at home and for the sake of interest they decided to talk with someone. Therefore, it is worthwhile to independently study the correspondence.
If a girl clearly sees undisguised flirtation in messages, it is worth stopping such communication as soon as possible. To show the spouse that it is unpleasant for a woman, but not to bring the relationship to scandal, it is worth translating the whole matter as a joke and asking her husband in a humorous form about divorce. If a man understands hints and loves his wife, then he himself will stop communicating.
Calmly analyze the situation
No loving person will be able to look indifferently at how his other half flirts and sweetly communicates with someone else. Before you start to panic, you need to pay attention to how the conversations between the young man and other girls proceed. If the beloved congratulated the former classmate on her birthday, then there is no point in accusing him of betrayal.
If the correspondence contains compliments and flattery directed to the address of another woman, then this indicates that there is flirtation in communication. If a girl invites a young man to meet, there is a risk that such a meeting will take place.
If the partner has a child from his ex-wife, then correspondence on the network or talking on the phone is quite normal. The child should not suffer because of the divorce of the parents. Talks of ex-spouses should not be too warm. If during communication they rarely remember a joint child, then this can cause suspicion.
Think about relationships
If the husband says that he is bored, then there is no need to continue to understand his correspondence. You need to think about what has changed in the relations of partners in recent years. Perhaps the couple stopped considering each other as sexual objects, the family lost tenderness, warmth and mutual understanding.
It’s better to work on relationships once than to stop spouse communication with new women again and again. It is worth considering what he lacks, since such behavior indicates that the partner is unhappy.
Talk heart to heart
If the relationship is at a stage when people completely trust each other, know all the shortcomings and are ready to put up with them, then you need to sit down at the negotiating table. It is worth talking and calmly asking the guy why he is interested in postscript with other women.
If he will meet and explain the situation (he will say that he has stopped arranging an intimate life with a girl), then you should not start to be angry with him. There was no betrayal, so it’s too early to burn bridges.
If a man refuses to comment on his actions or is constantly lying, claims that there is no correspondence, do not panic. Too many guys are afraid to admit to such things, since they fear that their girlfriend may misunderstand their actions and decide to break off relations. Sometimes a much more terrible betrayal is hidden behind correspondence, so a man prefers to pretend to the last that he does not understand anything.
Give up revenge
Many girls take revenge to show their partners how unpleasant it is to realize that your loved one may be unfaithful. Unfortunately, this is very rare, since:
- Even if a woman begins to defiantly correspond with other men, her partner will perfectly understand this and will not have absolutely no feeling of jealousy.
- A man, on the contrary, will perceive this as a kind of permission to correspond with other women: since his other half is possible, then he too.
- Many guys belong to the category of people who believe that some things (including correspondence) are strictly forbidden to their chosen ones. In this case, a more violent conflict cannot be avoided.
If you really want to make a man nervous and indignant, you should do wiser. For example, if a woman suddenly has a message from a stranger on her phone that her husband sees by chance, this will cause a lot more jealousy. Or just put a password on the phone. A man does not even need to see the correspondence, the very fact that the girl is hiding something from him will make him nervous.
Have a romantic evening
Instead of spending time on revenge on a loved one, you should behave more intelligently and take measures in order to renew your former passion and tender feelings towards each other. Therefore, it is worth preparing a delicious dinner, light candles and put on a new dress. When a man comes home from work, he will be pleasantly surprised.
If a girl attends several lessons of erotic dancing or massage, then this will be a great addition to a romantic evening. No man in such a situation will think about virtual communication with another woman when a beautiful girl sits in front of him.
To please a man in details
Even the most trifling manifestation of care and love towards a man will make him take a different look at his soul mate. If in the morning he finds a note in the refrigerator with a declaration of love or sees a mug of hot coffee in front of him, then he will definitely appreciate this attitude.
It is worth buying beautiful underwear and sending your photo in it to your spouse when he is at work. Such innocent sexual pranks really turn guys on. Do not assume that if a woman begins to surprise her beloved, this will humiliate her. On the contrary, men need attention, only in this way they understand that they are loved and appreciated.
Arrange a vacation without children
When a child appears in the family, all attention is paid only to him. This leads to the fact that the spouses do not have the strength to stay together, as a result, the husband finds an outlet in the form of communication with other girls.
You need to take a short vacation and send the children to grandparents. It is recommended to go to rest in some romantic city or on the coast. If this is not possible, then even at home you can come up with a lot of interesting activities that will help partners get closer (board games, watching a movie, etc.)
At this time, you do not need to think about the reasons for the husband to communicate with other women. It is worth concentrating on getting pleasant emotions, then all the problems will recede into the background by themselves.
What you should not do
In such a situation, it is very difficult to remain calm and not to begin to sort things out with your spouse. You need to understand that in no case should you fall into hysteria, cry or appeal to the pity of your other half.
Mistakes most often made by jealous women:
Wrong behavior Explanation Play on husband's feelings for children It is not a good idea to tell that because of common children, a man has no moral right to communicate with other women. Such arguments have absolutely no effect on the guys, but, on the contrary, they provoke them even more and cause a desire to chat with other calmer women who do not create problems Follow the man If a man realizes that a woman has completely lost confidence in him, then this will only further shake the already fragile relationship To belittle If you demonstrate that a woman is ready to keep her lover with all her might and will do anything to stay with him, this will only humiliate her in the eyes of her partner Compete with "pen pal" Regardless of whether the girl wins or loses, it will not bring any satisfaction. There is a big risk to realize that a rival has the best qualities. This will only lead to the appearance of additional complexes Write to an opponent If you write a message to the girl and state the essence of the situation, it will only flatter her. If before that she was not interested in a guy, then after talking with his girlfriend, she herself will enter the competition Suicide Any type of such threats will not cause the reaction that a woman expects. If such thoughts appeared in your head, then in such a situation it is worth turning to a psychologist who can help partners How to behave if nothing helps
When a woman has done everything possible, but her beloved still shows interest in other girls, there are only three tips that you should follow:
- Come to terms. If a girl is not ready to part with her husband or boyfriend because of his communication with others, then this fact must be accepted. A woman must learn to relate to such behavior as to another drawback of her beloved. You need to overcome jealousy in yourself and believe that nothing will go beyond the correspondence of your husband, so there is no point in being jealous of him.
- Breake down.If a man refuses to devote himself to only one woman, then this situation will never change. It makes no sense to wait for a miracle. If a woman is constantly in a state of nervous tension, cannot sleep, eat, then you should not torment yourself mentally and physically. It is better to end such a relationship and find the person who will be interested in only one companion.
- Visit a family psychologist. A specialist will help to accurately determine the cause of such a man’s behavior and tell you how to act. Spouses may need to undergo a course of joint therapy.
Each situation is individual. There are no universal tips to help improve your situation. It is necessary to consider not only the actual problem, but also the reason that led to its appearance.
The opinion of psychologists
Experts recommend considering the problem not superficially, but much deeper. With a man you need to act very carefully. If he is simply forbidden to communicate with other women, then this will only provoke him or he will become secretive and will continue virtual communication when his missus does not see him.
Not always a woman has the opportunity to independently familiarize herself with the text of the messages. In this case, there is only a sincere conversation with the guy.
Hello! My name is Anya, I’m 21 years old! My boyfriend communicates with other girls and I really don’t like it! We only meet with him for 2 months. I understand that you can communicate with girls in a friendly way, but he calls and writes them. He explains this by the fact that he is bored of going to work or visiting me and talking to them! I don’t know what to do, how to behave! I tried to talk with him about this topic, but he says that he just talks to them and nothing more! I understand that he has been talking to them for quite a long time and it’s not possible to stop talking at once because they are also part of his life and he’s used to them! He also tells me everything connected with them. What they say, when and how! He says that there are no secrets from me! I don’t understand why he so needs to communicate with them and how to fix it all! I communicate with the VKontakte boys but don’t call up! And if he asks me to stop talking I will stop! Advise me at least something please! Thank you))
Psychologists Answers
Anna Vladimirovna
Advise at least something please! Thanks))
I will advise you to shift the focus from the questions WHY IT DOES IT, on
WHY DO I REACT SO?
Back to the relationship with her current husband. It turned out that his state of frustration after meeting with his wife was supported by her "sour" face. She remembered what he had told her: “Before, you weren’t like that. You met me with a different expression. ” Now we could easily fix it when we removed the traumatic situations of the past.
Well and completion, one more moment. In our work, it turned out that she considers herself worse than his first wife and constantly compares herself to her, because she is taller.
I recalled a situation when a client was 16 years old, she met a guy who liked tall girls. From here she brought out the “inferiority complex” in terms of her growth, although she was 165 cm. We changed this. And it worked well that she remembered her husband’s words: “I chose you as you are, and I fell in love with you. You are the first who sunk into my soul "
On this, my work as a family psychologist was completed. I would like to quote you the words of Honore de Balzac: “Everyday adversity is the touchstone of characters. Who does not know how to endure difficulties, does not know how to live. " From myself I want to add - the words are beautiful and deep, but how heavy is the burden for you?
Afanasyeva Lilia Veniaminovna, psychologist Voronezh
Good answer1 Bad answer1Did you notice that your boyfriend began to pay attention to another girl? Does he constantly talk and remember her? Then we have not very good news for you: it is possible that your boyfriend.
From time to time, during yours, you may notice that your boyfriend begins to behave a little differently than usual. There can be a wide variety of reasons for such a change in his behavior, but one of the explanations for this strange behavior of your man may be the fact that he fell in love with some other girl.
Of course, there are many examples of when such a shift of attention occurs without any damage to your relationship. And one of such examples is when your man is fond of some popular superstar or glamorous model. But in those cases when his choice falls on a girl who can potentially reciprocate with him and is within his reach, then it is then that you can start real problems.
If you take into account that this girl can simply take your man away from you, then this, at first glance, not threatening anything, hobby can develop into a real disaster for you and your relationship. In the end, you can simply lose your lover, which of course you do not want at all.
Fortunately, there are certain signs by which you can easily determine that your boyfriend is carried away by someone on the side. If you know these signs, then in certain cases you can use this knowledge to your advantage and try to find out if your boyfriend plans to cheat on you with anyone else.
Of course, you will want to find out these signs that will tell you whether your boyfriend is simply on friendly terms with this girl, or whether he really was carried away by her, or maybe even in love with her.
How to find out that your boyfriend likes another woman.
1. He pays another girl a huge amount of attention. And this is one of the most obvious signs. If you notice that he very often communicates with an attractive and slender neighbor, then this definitely indicates that he likes her. If there is no other direct reason for your boyfriend to communicate with the same pretty girl often and regularly, then the likelihood that he intentionally and purposefully uses his time to talk and contact with her is very high.
2. He does not allow you to use his phone. Such an unwillingness to give you his own phone in your hands can quite definitely mean that he has some secret data on his phone that he would like to hide from you. Perhaps he is in correspondence with some attractive girl he met in the gym. Or maybe he called his. Who can know about this? Absolutely, it's not you. Therefore, if he never allows you to use or even be near his phone, then this alone may be the basis for some suspicions.
Not sure how to register on a dating site? Use the entrance through a social network (Facebook, VKontakte, Odnoklassniki).
3. He is too animated and mobile. He may have fallen in love with someone, and is now experiencing fear and anxiety over the fact that you can find out about it. And this fact can really annoy your boyfriend. Therefore, if he spins all the time, like in a frying pan, when you mention something related to his acquaintances, this can definitely mean that he hides from you those emotions that he has reserved for. And this girl is definitely not you.
4. Your boyfriend began to look into your eyes much less often and began to look away during a conversation. If he has any other girl, then he may feel guilty, and this guilt may not allow him to have the right and proper eye contact with you. Therefore, he doesn’t really want you to look into his soul through his eyes and get some additional information about his feelings and emotions. If he began to wear dark sunglasses in your presence, then this may be another, perhaps not very smart, attempt to avoid visual contact with you and not meet your eyes.
5. You notice that he is increasingly talking with the same girl. Of course, it can be your mutual friend, or some pretty barmaid, or even his fitness trainer. But in any case, if you often and regularly see them communicating (whether it is a personal meeting or contacts through a social network), then this will definitely be more than just an innocent look directed in her direction.
6. It seems to you that he began to pay less attention to you. This may mean that his feelings for you are not as bright and ardent as they were before. Of course, you cannot attach this sensation to any particular conversation or event, but you can simply feel that it is no longer directed in your direction as clearly and distinctly as it was before. This can definitely mean that his love energy goes somewhere else. We note in brackets that you may have to make a considerable amount of effort to avoid the unpleasant course of things and turn its romantic attraction back in your direction.
7. Your boyfriend has completely recovered, taking a position of deaf protection and defense. He may begin periods of unreasonable and not provoked by anything mood swings, which may occur due to the fact that he is in a situation of emotional impasse. After all, he likes another girl, and in such a situation, he is forced not only to suppress his real desires, but also to hide them from you.
Such an emotional state can reach its peak and lead to random and unpredictable outbursts of anger and irritability. And now combine his emotional crisis, the feeling of guilt, as well as the tension associated with the need to hide his feelings, and you will get a sample of a person who can break at any moment due to the most insignificant and petty reason.
8. Your man again and again shows signs of attention and physical attachment to the same girl. For example, letting her forward while entering the door, he can easily touch her back. Or, using every occasion for physical contact, in a conversation, while emphasizing a thought, she can gently touch her hand.
If you notice that he does this with one girl more often than with others, or even more often than with you, then for you this should definitely be a red traffic light. Here we can give you a little advice: perhaps the moment has come when you should try to introduce this girl to one of your good friends, who is currently free and interested in a new acquaintance.
The organization of such an acquaintance will pursue two main goals, namely: your boyfriend may simply lose interest in your rival simply because she has already started dating another guy. The second goal - he must realize the fact that he already has the girl of his dreams and of course you are.
9. He begins to make "Freudian reservations." For example, calls you a stranger. Or inadvertently speaks out and gives out some important information for you. We all know very well that sometimes it is simply impossible to control and filter out everything we say. And you can use this fact in order to receive the necessary information about the internal state of your man.
10. You have a vague suspicion that your boyfriend is starting to show interest in someone else. Sometimes our intuition can tell us much more than rational thinking. Therefore, if for some reason you suddenly began to suspect that he has feelings for another woman, then you should behave very carefully and carefully in this situation.
Be very careful and cautious in approaching this issue, because if you do not have any evidence or facts, but at the same time blame him for, then this situation can lead to very sad consequences.
Sometimes it is very difficult to distinguish whether your boyfriend or husband is really in love with someone else. There is also a huge difference between a real love and a simple opinion that he considers a particular girl attractive.
After all, it is quite possible that there are a large number of men whom you yourself consider attractive and attractive, but this does not mean at all that you will certainly fall in love with them. Love implies that someone is very attached to another person and is potentially ready to get acquainted, meet and start a family with him. In a word, to connect your life and destiny with your loved one.
So, thanks to the above signs, you can understand whether your man is really staring at another woman. And as soon as you understand this and make your conclusion, you will have to somehow “resolve” the current situation. And here you can either take the path of confrontation with your partner, or, on the contrary, try to tip the scales to your side and make his feelings for you flare up with renewed vigor.
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