If a man communicates with another. The guy communicates with other girls: reasons and how to avoid it

You must always remember that a man has a need to prove himself a hunter and a hero. It can be found in everyone, regardless of age and social status. A woman will not be able to destroy this need from a loved one. Psychologists recommend simply reconciling with it.

The forms of desire to heroize and hunt can take different. Sometimes, unfortunately, asocial. This is theft and banditry in the criminal world. Much depends on education, complexes, children's games. And if it is impossible to destroy the desire for hunting and manifestation of heroism in a man, then changing the form of its embodiment is real. Many intuitively find themselves safe for others, and especially for their beloved one. One of them is communication on the Internet. Yes, when a guy is chatting with others on social networks, he becomes a hunter. Trophies here are girls who are added as friends. The more of them, the better the hunt went for him. And compliments to your penpals and discussion of bold topics, sometimes of an intimate nature, are a manifestation of heroism, not a desire for treason.

If you understand and accept the logic of male behavior, the attitude towards the situation will change. Fear and anger that your boyfriend is chatting with other girls will disappear. The main thing is that you don’t need to make tantrums, blame and threaten with separation. Such behavior can only spoil the relationship with your loved one.

In the event of threats, prohibitions or the announcement of the terms “either they or me”, a protective reaction will arise from a lack of understanding of one's own motivating reasons for communicating on the Internet. Then the desire to hunt and heroism can be embodied in another. The guy wants to meet his penpals in real life.

If you don’t want to lose a guy, but his virtual communication with others is scary, it’s time to take action. Especially when the correspondence from the Internet has moved to the phone. This is a closer way of communication, SMS can be replaced by conversations and the appointment of a personal meeting. There are two ways to act. Change the form of embodiment of a guy’s desire to be a hunter or a hero or work with him from the inside, remove his fears.

In the first case, a guy is offered a competitive situation depending on his interests. For example, mutual acquaintances regularly relax abroad once a year. They give the guy the idea to jointly break their record and travel to other countries 2-3 times a year, and each time to a new state. Such an offer would include the excitement of a hunter. You can compete with him: shooting at a shooting range, riding a bicycle, car or roller skates. A prerequisite is to lose your loved one. And the compliment "my hero" should become a common expression in relation to him. Even if the guy is in correspondence with the former, he will not resist such offers and the attention of his girlfriend.

Psychological work with yourself will help to regain calm, remove jealousy and the habit of being annoyed over nothing. You can meditate to music, take a bath with aromatic oils. They recommend practicing inner laughter over the situation. For example, they imagine that all penpals have huge rabbit ears.

In any case, with respect to the guy it is worth acting with love and imagination. And soon, communication on the Internet will be for him only an occasion to brag about his beloved and hanging out with her.

Hello! My name is Anya, I’m 21 years old! My boyfriend communicates with other girls and I really don’t like it! We only meet with him for 2 months. I understand that you can communicate with girls in a friendly way, but he calls and writes them. He explains this by the fact that he is bored of going to work or visiting me and talking to them! I don’t know what to do, how to behave! I tried to talk with him about this topic, but he says that he just talks to them and nothing more! I understand that he has been talking to them for quite a long time and it’s not possible to stop talking at once because they are also part of his life and he’s used to them! He also tells me everything connected with them. What they say, when and how! He says that there are no secrets from me! I don’t understand why he so needs to communicate with them and how to fix it all! I communicate with the VKontakte boys but don’t call up! And if he asks me to stop talking I will stop! Advise me at least something please! Thank you))

Psychologists Answers

Anna Vladimirovna

Advise at least something please! Thanks))

I will advise you to shift the focus from the questions WHY IT DOES IT, on

WHY DO I REACT SO?

Back to the relationship with her current husband. It turned out that his state of frustration after meeting with his wife was supported by her "sour" face. She remembered what he had told her: “Before, you weren’t like that. You met me with a different expression. ” Now we could easily fix it when we removed the traumatic situations of the past.

Well and completion, one more moment. In our work, it turned out that she considers herself worse than his first wife and constantly compares herself to her, because she is taller.

I recalled a situation when a client was 16 years old, she met a guy who liked tall girls. From here she brought out the “inferiority complex” in terms of her growth, although she was 165 cm. We changed this. And it worked well that she remembered her husband’s words: “I chose you as you are, and I fell in love with you. You are the first who sunk into my soul "

On this, my work as a family psychologist was completed. I would like to quote you the words of Honore de Balzac: “Everyday adversity is the touchstone of characters. Who does not know how to endure difficulties, does not know how to live. " From myself I want to add - the words are beautiful and deep, but how heavy is the burden for you?

Afanasyeva Lilia Veniaminovna, psychologist Voronezh

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Are you tired of secretly reading the correspondence of your young man with other girls and being afraid to get caught in this unsightly occupation? Tired of hearing about any young ladies? Want to have only you and no rivals in your boyfriend’s life? This desire is fully feasible, today we will tell you how to fulfill it so as not to quarrel with your loved one. We will give you useful information that will allow you to choose the right approach to your chosen one without lowering yourself in his eyes! And we’ll talk about why a guy communicates with other girls, why thoughts about others may appear in his head. Let's talk about why he, like a team of rescuers, rushes to the aid of his ex at the first request and whether this is normal.

Is there any communication?

The first thing to do is to make sure that the guy is talking with other girls. How it all depends on what purpose he pursues. If he was interested in a specific young lady, for example, a colleague or a girl from a dating site, it is likely that his behavior will become very aggressive. He can criticize you about it and without it: it may seem to him that you look bad without makeup, got better, it’s not very fashionable to dress. However, this coin has a second side: psychologists say that it can transform into a megabot person. If it seemed to you that your boyfriend began to communicate with another girl, no matter how wrong it may be, look in his smartphone.

Perhaps in SMS messages you will find evidence that he thinks of another. You should not forget about social networks, phone calls: it is very important to follow up with whom he speaks, how, whether he leaves the room at this time. In the event that communication takes too much time, and it happens only when you are absent, you can suspect something was wrong. It is likely that he is flirting with someone. This can be proved by the fact that the young man stops paying attention and time to you, you will not get any compliments from him. In the event that a guy communicates with a new friend only for friendships, he will easily tell you about her, will be able to talk with her in your presence.

Why does the guy have outside contacts?

If a guy constantly communicates with other girls, you should pay attention to how your relationship has been developing lately. Communication may indicate the following:

from your side there is no attention to his person;
him ;
there are too many domestic problems in your relationship;
the guy does not feel significant;
he wants to make you jealous;
he needs to flirt.

Among the reasons may be the fact that it is easier for your chosen one to find a common language with girls than with representatives of their gender. And he simply does not see anything strange in friendly communication with girls. In addition, if there are no compliments and phrases like “I would like such a girl” in correspondence, you can relax.

Is this normal?

Why do guys chat with other girls? Why do they do it? The question is very interesting. Psychologists say that friendship between people of the opposite sex is an extremely rare phenomenon. Of course, you can turn a blind eye to the communication of your young man with extraneous young ladies, if you trust him at 100%, if you are sure that he will not change and will not go to another. This is especially true in situations where a guy communicates with the former, if they have a joint child. This situation is absolutely normal, because a man who maintains contact with the mother of his child is a responsible person. You can try to put yourself in the place of his former soulmate. Would you like him to support you in the same way as the young lady whom you are jealous of now? Most likely, the answer will be positive, and therefore there is nothing reprehensible in this.

There are no reasons for worries when the “competitor” has a young man or even a spouse. You should not be nervous even when your man communicates with other young ladies as with men in a skirt. But in the presence of open flirting and a clear interest in an outside girl as an intelligent and sexually attractive person, you should sound the alarm. What to do in such a situation? The girl your young man is talking with should know about your existence, this will allow her not to have illusions about her friend.

Chatting with ex-wife or girlfriend

Separately, you should talk about the communication of your lover with his ex-girlfriend or wife. There can be many reasons for such communication, it is quite possible that your young man simply experienced a lot with his ex, and therefore values \u200b\u200bher. Do not confuse this feeling with a feeling of love! Perhaps he just felt sorry for his ex-lover, or maybe they were able to remain good friends. True, it is possible that he hopes to restore relations with her. If a guy communicates with other girls, ex-wife, he is not obliged to report to you. Do you doubt that in this communication there is nothing but friendships? Try talking to your young man and clarify the situation!

A large number of girlfriends

Does the guy chat with other girls? What if the number of his girlfriends is steadily growing? The main thing is not to be jealous of the young man and not to prohibit him from seeing friends young ladies. It is best to make friends with them yourself! Psychologists say: the better you know the "rivals", the more advantageous you will be! Another good way is to start to shine in men's companies, for example, in a gym or at work. You can even ask your girlfriends to send you intriguing messages from time to time. Start disappearing as often as possible: both from home and from your boyfriend's field of vision. When he begins to make complaints, and he certainly begins to do so, you can refer to his behavior. There is a third option: if a young man communicates with girls just because he has nothing more to do, then engage him in work and entertainment. Invite for a walk or to the cinema, organize home repairs!

Do you restrict freedom?

Those young women whose young people (of course, if they are serious and adequate) regularly correspond with girls, should not worry about such communication in social networks. Today it’s quite normal practice: to find like-minded people in interest groups, to share your knowledge and experience with someone. You should not worry even when it comes to old contacts: it is perfectly acceptable to maintain good relations with classmates and classmates, childhood friends. In the end, you cannot put a person on a chain and decide for him with whom he can communicate, and with whom it is strictly forbidden.

Want to limit the freedom of your loved one? Before you take decisive action, think: how often do you yourself in real or virtual life communicate with representatives of the opposite sex? Would you like your other half to throw tantrums and forbid contact with young people?

How to stop communication on the side?

Psychologists have long noticed that any flirtation begins against a background of unexplained relationships, domestic problems or any conflicts. That is why, if you are bothered by the fact that the guy communicates with other girls, reconsider your relationship. You can stop unpleasant communication. First you need to calm down and carefully analyze everything. Think about whether you are paying enough attention to your partner. The next step is to find common interests and topics: start playing sports together, watch TV shows that both of you like, and discuss them. Change gray days, surprise your beloved: you can have a romantic dinner, invite him to admire the stars, demonstrate beautiful lingerie. You can try to explain to the guy that these correspondence and calls bring you pain and suffering. Hint that in this way he may lose your confidence.

Conclusion

Does the guy chat with other girls? The most important thing that you should understand: real communication without a hint of relationships, correspondence on social networks and phone calls - this is not the end of the world. After all, your young man does not save photos of these young ladies on his computer or phone, does not invite them to dates and does not offer sex. Will this happen in the future? It is up to you. That is why it is so important to develop relationships, remaining the most coveted for your man.

Many men do not see anything terrible in the fact that they communicate with other women on the Internet. They do not think that such situations lead to indignation of their soul mates, who cannot understand how a person in love can allow this kind of communication.

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It is completely logical that the girl does not accept this behavior, she begins to be jealous and angry. Often even comes to a breakup. Before you burn all the bridges, it’s worthwhile to figure out if a man is really chatting with other women because he wants to change, or is this just communication.

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How to understand that a man is chatting with another woman

In such a situation, it all depends on how the guy feels. If this is a usual conversation with a colleague about a new order or a conversation about a boss, then in such a situation there is a high probability that for a man this is just business correspondence. If he became interested in any particular person with whom he was not connected in any way, and corresponded with her daily for several hours, then in this case it is worth starting to sound the alarm.

Therefore, it is necessary to pay attention to whether the man’s attitude towards his second half has changed. If a guy starts a mistress, then in this case he can go in 2 ways:

Become the most caring and gentle.The man feels his guilt and begins to bestow his other half with gifts, attention and tenderness, which she had never noticed before. So he tries to apologize to his beloved for the fact that he has already begun to subconsciously cheat on her.
Start behaving aggressively.In this case, the man is angry with the woman and believes that she herself is to blame for the fact that he began to be interested in other girls. In a similar situation, he begins to insult his other half, humiliate her and express dissatisfaction with almost all issues.

Why do men chat with other women

If a young man spends a lot of time on the Internet and enthusiastically considers profiles of different girls on social networks or dating sites, this confirms that he himself does not understand what he wants from a relationship. Additionally, this may indicate:

the lack of attention from his beloved;
the lack of communication with your soulmate;
about too many domestic problems;
the desire to assert oneself and cause jealousy;
about wanting to flirt and see what happens.

Sometimes it happens that if people live together, then after a while sexual interest in each other disappears. In this case, the emotions gradually fade away and the partners begin to concentrate on other things. A strong respect, mutual understanding, etc., appears in the relationship, but passion disappears.

Some men calm down and enjoy the fact that they have found life partners and can now concentrate on building a shared future. Others become bored and thirsty.

What does talking about sex with other women mean

The most unpleasant thing that a girl can stumble upon while studying the correspondence of her beloved is vulgar conversations or ambiguous hints. If a man communicates on the topic of sex with another woman or she sends him her photos of intimate content, then in this communication there is nothing good.

In such a situation, one does not have to talk about friendly correspondence. You should not believe the words of a man who can say that he just wanted to make a joke on a depraved person or was interested in how far she was ready to go. In this case, we are talking about serious problems in relations that need to be addressed immediately, until the partner decides to transfer communication with the interlocutor to another level.

What to do in such a situation

If a woman found her soul mate during correspondence with the other, then do not panic. You need to ask your partner about the purpose of such communication.

Men always say that the correspondence does not contain anything serious, even if it occurs with a mistress whom they have been dating for many years. Some partners claim that they just got bored at home and for the sake of interest they decided to talk with someone. Therefore, it is worthwhile to independently study the correspondence.

If a girl clearly sees undisguised flirtation in messages, it is worth stopping such communication as soon as possible. To show the spouse that it is unpleasant for a woman, but not to bring the relationship to scandal, it is worth translating the whole matter as a joke and asking her husband in a humorous form about divorce. If a man understands hints and loves his wife, then he himself will stop communicating.

Calmly analyze the situation

No loving person will be able to look indifferently at how his other half flirts and sweetly communicates with someone else. Before you start to panic, you need to pay attention to how the conversations between the young man and other girls proceed. If the beloved congratulated the former classmate on her birthday, then there is no point in accusing him of betrayal.

If the correspondence contains compliments and flattery directed to the address of another woman, then this indicates that there is flirtation in communication. If a girl invites a young man to meet, there is a risk that such a meeting will take place.

If the partner has a child from his ex-wife, then correspondence on the network or talking on the phone is quite normal. The child should not suffer because of the divorce of the parents. Talks of ex-spouses should not be too warm. If during communication they rarely remember a joint child, then this can cause suspicion.

Think about relationships

If the husband says that he is bored, then there is no need to continue to understand his correspondence. You need to think about what has changed in the relations of partners in recent years. Perhaps the couple stopped considering each other as sexual objects, the family lost tenderness, warmth and mutual understanding.

It’s better to work on relationships once than to stop spouse communication with new women again and again. It is worth considering what he lacks, since such behavior indicates that the partner is unhappy.

Talk heart to heart

If the relationship is at a stage when people completely trust each other, know all the shortcomings and are ready to put up with them, then you need to sit down at the negotiating table. It is worth talking and calmly asking the guy why he is interested in postscript with other women.

If he will meet and explain the situation (he will say that he has stopped arranging an intimate life with a girl), then you should not start to be angry with him. There was no betrayal, so it’s too early to burn bridges.

If a man refuses to comment on his actions or is constantly lying, claims that there is no correspondence, do not panic. Too many guys are afraid to admit to such things, since they fear that their girlfriend may misunderstand their actions and decide to break off relations. Sometimes a much more terrible betrayal is hidden behind correspondence, so a man prefers to pretend to the last that he does not understand anything.

Give up revenge

Many girls take revenge to show their partners how unpleasant it is to realize that your loved one may be unfaithful. Unfortunately, this is very rare, since:

Even if a woman begins to defiantly correspond with other men, her partner will perfectly understand this and will not have absolutely no feeling of jealousy.
A man, on the contrary, will perceive this as a kind of permission to correspond with other women: since his other half is possible, then he too.
Many guys belong to the category of people who believe that some things (including correspondence) are strictly forbidden to their chosen ones. In this case, a more violent conflict cannot be avoided.

If you really want to make a man nervous and indignant, you should do wiser. For example, if a woman suddenly has a message from a stranger on her phone that her husband sees by chance, this will cause a lot more jealousy. Or just put a password on the phone. A man does not even need to see the correspondence, the very fact that the girl is hiding something from him will make him nervous.

Have a romantic evening

Instead of spending time on revenge on a loved one, you should behave more intelligently and take measures in order to renew your former passion and tender feelings towards each other. Therefore, it is worth preparing a delicious dinner, light candles and put on a new dress. When a man comes home from work, he will be pleasantly surprised.

If a girl attends several lessons of erotic dancing or massage, then this will be a great addition to a romantic evening. No man in such a situation will think about virtual communication with another woman when a beautiful girl sits in front of him.

To please a man in details

Even the most trifling manifestation of care and love towards a man will make him take a different look at his soul mate. If in the morning he finds a note in the refrigerator with a declaration of love or sees a mug of hot coffee in front of him, then he will definitely appreciate this attitude.

It is worth buying beautiful underwear and sending your photo in it to your spouse when he is at work. Such innocent sexual pranks really turn guys on. Do not assume that if a woman begins to surprise her beloved, this will humiliate her. On the contrary, men need attention, only in this way they understand that they are loved and appreciated.

Arrange a vacation without children

When a child appears in the family, all attention is paid only to him. This leads to the fact that the spouses do not have the strength to stay together, as a result, the husband finds an outlet in the form of communication with other girls.

You need to take a short vacation and send the children to grandparents. It is recommended to go to rest in some romantic city or on the coast. If this is not possible, then even at home you can come up with a lot of interesting activities that will help partners get closer (board games, watching a movie, etc.)

At this time, you do not need to think about the reasons for the husband to communicate with other women. It is worth concentrating on getting pleasant emotions, then all the problems will recede into the background by themselves.

What you should not do

In such a situation, it is very difficult to remain calm and not to begin to sort things out with your spouse. You need to understand that in no case should you fall into hysteria, cry or appeal to the pity of your other half.

Mistakes most often made by jealous women:

Wrong behavior	Explanation
Play on husband's feelings for children	It is not a good idea to tell that because of common children, a man has no moral right to communicate with other women. Such arguments have absolutely no effect on the guys, but, on the contrary, they provoke them even more and cause a desire to chat with other calmer women who do not create problems
Follow the man	If a man realizes that a woman has completely lost confidence in him, then this will only further shake the already fragile relationship
To belittle	If you demonstrate that a woman is ready to keep her lover with all her might and will do anything to stay with him, this will only humiliate her in the eyes of her partner
Compete with "pen pal"	Regardless of whether the girl wins or loses, it will not bring any satisfaction. There is a big risk to realize that a rival has the best qualities. This will only lead to the appearance of additional complexes
Write to an opponent	If you write a message to the girl and state the essence of the situation, it will only flatter her. If before that she was not interested in a guy, then after talking with his girlfriend, she herself will enter the competition
Suicide	Any type of such threats will not cause the reaction that a woman expects. If such thoughts appeared in your head, then in such a situation it is worth turning to a psychologist who can help partners

How to behave if nothing helps

When a woman has done everything possible, but her beloved still shows interest in other girls, there are only three tips that you should follow:

Come to terms. If a girl is not ready to part with her husband or boyfriend because of his communication with others, then this fact must be accepted. A woman must learn to relate to such behavior as to another drawback of her beloved. You need to overcome jealousy in yourself and believe that nothing will go beyond the correspondence of your husband, so there is no point in being jealous of him.
Breake down.If a man refuses to devote himself to only one woman, then this situation will never change. It makes no sense to wait for a miracle. If a woman is constantly in a state of nervous tension, cannot sleep, eat, then you should not torment yourself mentally and physically. It is better to end such a relationship and find the person who will be interested in only one companion.
Visit a family psychologist. A specialist will help to accurately determine the cause of such a man’s behavior and tell you how to act. Spouses may need to undergo a course of joint therapy.

Each situation is individual. There are no universal tips to help improve your situation. It is necessary to consider not only the actual problem, but also the reason that led to its appearance.

The opinion of psychologists

Experts recommend considering the problem not superficially, but much deeper. With a man you need to act very carefully. If he is simply forbidden to communicate with other women, then this will only provoke him or he will become secretive and will continue virtual communication when his missus does not see him.

Not always a woman has the opportunity to independently familiarize herself with the text of the messages. In this case, there is only a sincere conversation with the guy.