Emigration and emigrants. How to recognize and stop manipulation

To manipulate is to try to indirectly influence one's behavior or actions. Manipulation does not have to be good or bad: a person can try to manipulate others for the best of reasons, and in order to force another person to do something illegal. Manipulation is always secretive and often aimed at our weak points, so it is difficult to identify. The trick that accompanies manipulation is invisible and easy to overlook, because it is often hidden behind a sense of duty, love or habit. Nevertheless, it is possible to identify signs of manipulation and not succumb to it.

Steps

  Behavior

Note if your interlocutor tries to always speak first.   Manipulators want to hear us first in order to identify our strengths and weaknesses. You will be asked leading questions, in the answer to which you will express your point of view and feelings. Typically, these questions begin with “what,” “why,” and “how.” The answer and reaction of the interlocutor will depend on the information he received.

• If your interlocutor wants to hear you first, this does not always mean that he is trying to manipulate you. Other factors should also be considered.
• The manipulator tries to talk about himself as little as possible and listen to you more.
• If this behavior is observed in most cases, this may indicate that they are trying to manipulate you.
• Even if it seems to you that a person is sincerely interested in you, remember that such inquiries can be hidden. If the interlocutor avoids direct answers to your questions and tries to quickly transfer the conversation to another topic, this may indicate that he is insincere.

1. Take a closer look at whether the interlocutor is trying to please you.   Some people have natural charm, and manipulators try to use it for their own purposes. Before asking for anything, the manipulator can praise you. He can also make a small gift, after which he will ask you for some kind of service.

   • For example, someone can treat you to a great dinner and gently communicate with you before asking to borrow money or help with work.
   • Although this behavior is often not dangerous, remember that you are not required to do anything just because someone is showing you a good attitude.

2. Pay attention to attempts to force.   The manipulator may try to force you into something through intimidation and threats. In attempts to achieve his goal, he can scream, criticize and insult the interlocutor. You can hear from him, "If you do not do this, then I ..." or "I will not do this until you ...". The manipulator can use such tactics not only to force the interlocutor to do certain things, but also in return for the promise to stop doing anything.

   Pay attention to how a person handles facts.   If your interlocutor is too loose with the facts to convince you of something, perhaps he is trying to manipulate you. A person can lie, not speak, hold information, pretend to be ignorant or exaggerate. The manipulator can also pretend to be an expert in any issue and bombard you with facts and statistics. At the same time, he will try to seem much more knowledgeable than you.

   Please note if the interlocutor constantly presents himself as a martyr or victim.   At the same time, a person can do something that you did not ask him about, and then refer to it. After “providing the service,” he expects you to try to pay back for it, and if that does not happen, he may begin to complain.

   • The manipulator can also complain and say: "Nobody loves me (I'm sick, I'm humiliated, etc.)" in an attempt to arouse your sympathy, then to use it for your own purposes.

3. Think about whether a good attitude towards you depends on something specific.   A manipulator can be kind and affectionate with you if you do what he needs, but this attitude will change dramatically if you do not meet his expectations. It seems that this type of manipulator has two faces: an angel mask when it wants to please you, and a frightening guise when it requires you to be afraid of it. Everything goes perfectly only as long as you live up to expectations.

   • Sometimes it seems that you are walking along the razor's edge and are afraid to anger the manipulator.

4. Observe characteristic behavior. All people from time to time try to manipulate, but the manipulators do this all the time. The manipulator has a hidden goal, and he deliberately tries to use another person in order to achieve at his expense power, control or any other advantages. If this behavior appears regularly, there may be a manipulator in front of you.

   • A manipulator rarely takes into account your rights and interests; they are unimportant to him.
   • Remember that mental illness or disability can play a role. For example, in a state of depression, a person may not have the intention to manipulate you, and with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder people often forget to check their email. With these and a number of other disorders, it may seem that the patient is trying to manipulate you, although this is not so.

     Manner of communication

   1. Check if you are reproached or blamed.   A common method of manipulation is to find fault with a person and make him feel guilty. No matter what you do, the manipulator will always find something to complain about. Whatever you do, something will turn out wrong. Instead of advising and expressing constructive criticism, the manipulator will point you only at your shortcomings.

      • This behavior can be expressed as sarcasm and jokes. The manipulator can make fun of your clothes and appearance, your driving style, work place, family or anything else. Although such comments are often made as jokes, they can be quite painful. In this case, you are the object of ridicule, the purpose of which is to undermine your faith in your own strength.

   2. Pay attention to periods of silence.   To gain control over you, the manipulator can use silence. He may not pick up the phone, do not answer your text messages and emails for a long time. This is done in order to make you feel insecure or to punish for "wrong behavior." This behavior is different from just trying to cool off before resuming communication, and it is used to make you feel helpless.

   3. Recognize the guilt trap. This technique is to make you feel responsible for the behavior of the manipulator. He puts you in control of the emotions of another person: his joy, success or failure, anger and so on. As a result, you will feel obligated to do something that they want from you, even if it seems wrong to you.

      • The guilt trap is often preceded by statements such as “If you understood me better, then ...”, “If you really love me ...” or “I did it for you, why don't you want to do it for me?” " (moreover, this is said about what you did not ask for).
      • If you agree to do something that you would not normally do (or that you do not like), you may be the victim of manipulation.

   4. Notice if you have to constantly apologize.   The manipulator can make it seem to you that you are to blame for something. He may accuse you of something that you did not do, or hold you responsible for any situation. For example, you agreed to meet at 13:00, but the person was two hours late. In response to your reproaches, he says: "Yes, you are right. I am doing everything wrong. I don’t even know why you continue to communicate with me, I do not deserve it." As a result, you soften and change the subject.

      • In addition, the manipulator reorders your words in the worst way, which is why you have to apologize for them.

   5. Pay attention to the fact that you are constantly compared with other people.   When trying to force you to do something, the manipulator may claim that you are worse than someone else. He may call you a stupid person if you refuse to do what he wants. This is designed to make you feel guilty and still force you to do what you are asked to do.

      • When compared with others, the following phrases may sound: "Anyone else in your place would have done this," "If I had asked Mary, she would have done this," or "Besides you, everyone else considered it normal."

   Communication with the manipulator

   1. Be able to say no at the right time.   A person will continue to manipulate you as long as you allow him to do this. To protect yourself from manipulation, you should say no in time. Stand in front of the mirror and practice saying, “No, I can’t do this” or “No, this is not for me.” You must be able to protect yourself in order to be treated with due respect.

      • You should not feel guilty when you say no. You have every right to do this.
      • You can refuse politely enough. If the manipulator asks you for something, try to answer: "I would do it, but in the coming months I will be very busy" or "Thank you for the offer, but no."

   2. Set the appropriate boundaries.   If the manipulator discovers that you are succumbing to its persuasion and tricks, it will try to win your favor in order to use you in the future. In this case, he will rest on his "helplessness" and try to get financial, emotional or any other help from you. Pay attention to phrases such as "You are the only one I have," "I have no one else to talk to," and so on. You have your own life, and you do not have to help this person all the time.

      • If you hear from a person the phrase: "I have no one to talk to anymore," try to contrast her with specific examples:
        • “Remember, Anna talked to you for a long time yesterday afternoon? And Maria said she was always happy to talk to you on the phone. I’m happy to talk with you for 5 minutes, but then I have an important meeting that I can’t miss.”

   3. Do not blame yourself.   The manipulator will try to make you guilty. Remember that they try to manipulate you so that you feel guilty, and that the problem is not with you. If you feel wrong, take a closer look at what is happening and check your emotions again.

      • Ask yourself: “Does this person show respect for me?”, “Does he show reasonable demands and expectations?”, “Is this a one-way relationship?”, “Do I like such a relationship?”.
      • If the answer to these questions is negative, then the problems in your relationship are most likely related to the manipulator, and not to you.

   4. Be persistent.   Manipulators often twist and distort facts to present themselves in a more favorable light. Respond to this with perseverance and strive to clarify the facts. Explain that you remembered the facts in a different way, and you would like to better understand what exactly happened. Ask your interlocutor simple questions and try to identify common ground. When you find out what you agree on, take this as a starting point for further discussion. For example:

      • Your interlocutor says: "You will not lure me to these meetings anymore. You use them only for your own benefit, and you always leave me to sharks to eat."
      • Answer as follows: "This is not true. It seemed to me that you were ready to tell investors about your ideas. If I heard that you made a mistake, I would immediately intervene, but it seemed to me that you did an excellent job."

The sophisticated technique that many scammers use to gain benefits is to manipulate people. Human psychology is such that it can be controlled. Even during business negotiations, the parties try to press each other, promoting their point of view. And to protect yourself from outside influence, you need to familiarize yourself with different methods of manipulation.

It is most often hidden. To openly suppress the will is more difficult. This requires a person who is easily exposed. And there are very few of them. In this regard, the hidden manipulation of people is used.

The multifaceted art of management

Psychology is a multifaceted science. And the art of manipulation is direct evidence of this. There are a huge number of methods by which you can learn to control a person. But there is no manipulator that would use all means. Usually they choose some of the most suitable methods. Why is human manipulation so popular? The psychology of man is this. And with the help of management skill, you can not only be able to influence the actions of the interlocutor, but also achieve your goals.

You need to feel the mood of people

You should not think that everyone is subject to management. In fact, there are people who are difficult to hypnotize. Accordingly, they are also not amenable to manipulation. Attackers try to avoid such people. How do they know who should be shunned, and who can be controlled? Manipulation by people, psychology - to be a professional in these areas, you need to feel the mood of the interlocutor well. Otherwise, all skills will be reduced to zero.

Manipulators usually find a weak point. This may be interest, belief, habit, way of thinking, emotional state, etc. The main thing is to find where to put pressure, and know how to do it. What method can be used to manipulate people? Psychology, books - all this will help us understand the popular management methods.

Prize win

Winning pay. This type of management can be considered the most beloved among scammers who are trying to rub themselves into people's trust. They tell their interlocutor that he won a prize or a reward. Naturally, if you made efforts, then this may be true. But if there was no contribution on your part, but you somehow won the award, then you should think about the veracity of the situation.

Focusing on the little things. The manipulation described in the book

Bias attention. This method was described in the books of a psychologist. He is known as the creator of Erickson hypnosis. What traits characteristic of this technique of human manipulation can be distinguished? Human psychology is such that its attention can switch to a variety of little things. And it is on such a switch that control is built. You just need to distract the interlocutor from an important point. For example, a manipulator may offer to choose one of three options. But regardless of your choice, he will always win, and not you. The point is not that it all depends on the decision. The main idea is to rub yourself into trust and distraction.

When the information is not true

Information mismatch. To recognize inappropriate data transmitted through a variety of channels, you need to familiarize yourself with the basics of non-verbal communication. This is the only way to see that the manipulator’s speech is at variance with the rest of the information conveyed by his gestures.

Lack of extra time

What is the similar psychology of manipulation? Pressure on a person and opposition on his part involves the use of a certain time frame. For example, you can start a discussion with an interlocutor of an important topic. However, he, speaking on other plans, begins to pack up to leave. And at the same time, it may require an immediate decision on your part on the issue that was being discussed. Using this method, they try to corner you.

Three psychological tricks will help you with this. They will be described later.

The emergence of a sense of duty

Caring and love. Almost all methods basically contain the rules of mutual exchange. A fairly common concept in psychology. Its essence lies in the need to arouse a sense of duty among the interlocutor. And this happens on an unconscious level. For example, the husband washed all the dishes, cleaned the rooms, wiped the dust on his own. He sent his wife to rest. And after all the work was done, he casually said that tomorrow he was going to sit with friends to drink. Well, how can one refuse him in such a situation? This case is simple and real - the husband has formed a sense of duty with his wife. Accordingly, the probability of hearing a positive response from her has increased markedly.

How to handle manipulation? People reviews

If you want to know (including the subtleties of psychology), then you need to understand how to resist manipulation. In this situation, remember that nobody will take care for no reason. Mindfulness will help to avoid exposure. In addition, do not accumulate a sense of duty. Know how to say no. The above method of manipulation is quite effective. And he meets at every turn.

Zombies

Repetition is the mother of learning. This is the basis of zombies. For example, every day on TV you are shown an advertisement for delicious seasonings. Wandering around the store, you yourself will not notice how you get them. Why? This is due to the fact that you have already seen ads several thousand times. She firmly entrenched in the subconscious. This technique is often used to manipulate people. No wonder there is a proverb that claims that a person will grunt if he is called a pig a hundred times. This management technique is common in relations between superiors and subordinates with low self-esteem.

How to resist this method of management? Be carefull. Repetition can be associated with care, and then a powerful weapon of control will be obtained. You will automatically turn into a good investor for a bad person. Only mindfulness will save you from such a fate.

Seducing the interlocutor is an excellent manipulation technique

The Forbidden fruit is sweet. One should not give in to temptations and desires, although this is difficult. You need to have the willpower. Want to learn how to manipulate? Use this method. Analyze your life. How often have you said the phrase "Do not seduce ...", "Weak ...?", "Not a man or something?". Or maybe they told you that?

For example, promotions and discounts. Especially often they can be found on the Internet when they are accompanied by countdown timers. This is pure temptation, management. Going past such sites will not allow Use this method to your advantage.

A similar effect can be avoided. Just understand its nature, realize how it works. A solid character and unwavering principles can also help. Only in such a situation no one can seduce you.

There can be many management methods

There are so many different ways to manipulate. We must be able to defend ourselves against this. First of all, it is important to listen to yourself. After all, manipulation involves influence, control of another's will. If you began to feel discomfort or the slopes make a decision right now, then you need to leave the conversation. Say no and stand by your principles. Do not succumb to provocations. After all, you are simply being manipulated.

Start making decisions yourself

This review described how to manipulate people (subtleties of psychology). How not to fall for such tricks? Pay attention to this, because you can be controlled constantly in all spheres of life. Start making your own decisions, not the ones that were imposed on you. Such are the psychology of manipulation and pressure on a person, the counteraction of which we have considered above.

The term “manipulation”, or “manipulation”, comes from the Latin word “manipulare” and in its original meaning meant “manage” in a positive sense: manage competently, provide assistance. In modern literature, manipulation is understood as the art of controlling the behavior and thinking of people with the help of targeted influence on public consciousness. The most complete definition of manipulation was given by E. L. Dotsenko in the article “Manipulation: a psychological definition of a concept”: “This is a type of psychological influence used to achieve one-sided gain by means of a hidden urge of another to perform certain actions”.

Let us cite the statement of Doctor of Philosophy V. M. Gerasimov: "Manipulating public opinion is one of the special methods of socio-psychological control." The main sign of the presence of manipulation is the situation when one subject considers the other as a means or a hindrance to his activity. From the height of his own ego, the manipulator turns another subject into an obedient tool, reducing it to the level of things subject to control and management. This judgment accurately reflects the situation prevailing in advertising, otherwise the advertiser (manipulator) would not be so interested in data on the selling power of advertising, called efficiency.

Manipulation is more demanded today than ever, since the conflict between the interests of the advertiser-manipulator (to impose one’s own) and the consumer (to buy the best) is exacerbated due to increased competition. Manipulation, by its very nature, is designed to smooth out this conflict, creating the illusion of the recipient making decisions independently. Moreover, we can say that the manipulation of consciousness is present in all areas of public life. This means that in all areas of life there is an ego of a manipulator, imposing its value system secretly, because of the inability to do this explicitly.

In the spiritual sphere, spiritual values \u200b\u200bare promoted through the priorities of education, through education, art, and literature.

In the political sphere, images are promoted and attractive, from the point of view of the manipulator (in this case, the political system), carriers of political ideas through PR-means, political advertising and the media.

In the social sphere, social ideas are promoted (such as the ideas of “freedom, equality, fraternity”). This happens through building a system of social myths (for example, “Stalin is the father”) and socially significant rituals (for example, military greetings).

And finally, in the material sphere, the priority of material values \u200b\u200bis promoted. Love for things as such is beneficial for the manipulator, as it facilitates its work. This is done through commercial advertising.

S. Kara-Murza identifies three main, generic signs of manipulation. Firstly, it is a kind of spiritual, psychological impact (and not physical violence or the threat of violence). The target of the manipulator’s actions is the spirit, mental structures of the human person.

Secondly, manipulation is a hidden effect, the fact of which should not be noticed by the object of manipulation. When an attempt to manipulate is opened and the exposure becomes quite widely known, the action is usually curtailed, since the disclosed fact of such an attempt causes significant damage to the manipulator. The main goal is even more thoroughly hidden - so that even the exposure of the very fact of the attempted manipulation does not lead to the clarification of distant intentions. Therefore, hiding, withholding information is an indispensable sign, although some methods of manipulation include “ultimate self-disclosure”, a game of sincerity, when a politician tears his shirt on his chest and lets out a mean male tear.

Thirdly, manipulation is an impact that requires considerable skill and knowledge. In politics, as a rule, specialists or at least special knowledge drawn from literature or instructions are involved in the development of the action. Since the manipulation of public consciousness has become a technology, professional workers have mastered this technology (or parts of it).

Thus, manipulation is a way of domination by spiritual influence on people through programming their behavior. This effect is aimed at the mental structures of a person, it is carried out secretly and sets as its task the change of opinions, motives and goals of people in the direction necessary for power. As G. Schiller observes, “to achieve success, manipulation must remain invisible. The success of manipulation is guaranteed when the manipulated person believes that everything that happens is natural and inevitable. That is, manipulation requires a fake reality in which its presence will not be felt. ” One of the first books directly dedicated to the manipulation of consciousness was the book of a sociologist from Germany Herbert Franke “Manipulated Man” (1964), which gives the following definition: “Manipulation in most cases should be understood as a psychological effect that is performed secretly, and, consequently, to the detriment of those persons to whom it is directed. ”

The nature of the manipulation consists in the presence of a double effect - along with the message sent openly, the manipulator sends a “coded” signal to the addressee, hoping that this signal will wake up those images that the manipulator needs in the mind of the addressee. This hidden influence is based on the “implicit knowledge” possessed by the addressee, on his ability to create images in his mind that affect his feelings, opinions and behavior. The art of manipulation is to start the process of imagination in the right direction, but so that a person does not notice a hidden effect.

We encounter manipulations in communication every day: at work, in the family, talking with friends or strangers. Should we be afraid of such a psychological impact? How to protect yourself from manipulation?

Definition of a concept

Manipulation can be called one of the most common types of communication. It is necessary for the psychological impact on the person. Manipulation in communication is a way of control, the ability to control the behavior and feelings of the individual.

The process itself consists of a subject (a manipulator) and an object (the addressee of its impact). Moreover, the latter is not informed about the psychological intervention in his personality. Therefore, such an effect on people (or a group) often has a dismissive or condescending connotation.

Psychological manipulations in communication can be found at different levels: in personal discussion, in the family, in the team. They can be used both for creative purposes and for demoralizing a person. In this, the goal, which the manipulator seeks to achieve, plays a large role. The methods with which he is going to act are also important.

Types of manipulation in communication

The types of impact are based on the use of the strength of the manipulator and playing on the weaknesses of the object. The latter, unaware of the process, believes that he controls his behavior. Moreover, all the benefits of his actions go to the manipulator. It distorts the flow of information, finds a convenient moment and in a peculiar way conveys information to the addressee. All these components help the manipulator take advantage of the situation or reaction of the object for their own purposes. Manipulations in communication (types, techniques, methods) - this is actually the control of human consciousness.

The main types of impact are divided into:

• conscious - a person understands the essence of his influence and sees the end result that he aspires to (this type is more common in business communication);
• unconscious - a person is vaguely aware of the ultimate goal and meaning of his influence (this kind is more common in interpersonal communication).

Minor species are divided into:

• linguistic (otherwise they are called communication) is a psychological impact on a person with the help of speech (during dialogue, discussion);
• behavioral - this is the control of consciousness through actions, situations, actions (in this case, speech serves only as an addition).

What are they needed for?

Manipulation in communication is one of the oldest ways to obtain benefits in a particular situation. This psychological impact is not good or bad. It depends only on the final goal and how to achieve it.

If a person feels that his consciousness is being controlled, you should understand what it is for and try to take advantage of the new knowledge.

Firstlyshould determine the purpose. What does the manipulator achieve? Is this only a benefit to him? Perhaps its impact will benefit the addressee. This is true in family relationships, when parents try to teach a child to perform an action (for example, exercise). In this case, the goal is to take care of the addressee of the impact.

Secondly, you need to decide on the means. If during the impact the addressee suffers (he is humiliated, afraid, angry, forced to do something), such demoralization completely subordinates the person to the manipulator. But there is an effect with the help of flattery - when the counterparts convince of its attractiveness or uniqueness. But in this case, the addressee does not suffer, but submits to the manipulator almost voluntarily.

Thus, the characteristic of manipulation in communication has a neutral connotation. In it, a lot depends on the personality of the active subject. If the process of exposure is disclosed, meaning is lost in it. Therefore, one should not always interrupt what is happening. Sometimes it’s much more profitable to play along with the manipulator and get your own benefit.

Communication manipulation techniques

The manipulator chooses the appropriate techniques, depending on who his activity is aimed at. It can be an impact on an individual or an entire audience. The media space has its own established ways of controlling human consciousness. Employers often use manipulation techniques to create their own image. In the family, there are separate forms of interaction between parents and children.

The basic techniques and methods of manipulation in communication are based on feelings. They are able to destroy a person’s personality, his life. Therefore, you should learn the important points of mental interaction and try to stop them.

Exposure to love

In this technique, love is not an unconditional feeling. A person is perceived only if he fulfills certain requirements or conditions. For example: “If you do so and so, I will love you”, “Only worthy employees remain in our team, the rest leave of their own accord”. In manipulation, conditions are offered, if they are fulfilled, a person will receive at least a good attitude toward himself, and at most - love. The cruelty of this psychological impact is that the person is not perceived entirely (with advantages and disadvantages), but only approve of its good behavior.

Exposure to fear

Fear and lack of awareness of the addressee allow cleverly manipulate his actions and deeds. For example: “If you don’t go to college, you will become a beggar”, “You are an excellent specialist, but another job applicant has appeared on this vacancy.” All invented fears come from a lack of information. By listening to the manipulator, the addressee makes a big mistake. Sometimes such an influence hides a desire to make a person do something better, without additional motivation or funding.

Impact of Guilt

Guilt is most commonly used by manipulators in family life. By experiencing it, a person seeks to repair the damage done. For example: “You walked and had fun with your friends, but I am alone and have a baby to babysit, and I create comfort for you”, “You better relax today, but I can do your work for you.” The manipulator will constantly put pressure on guilty feelings or find new episodes. In such a situation, the addressee will try to neutralize the discomfort and will fall into the same trap over and over again. Guilt subsequently gives rise to aggression, therefore, the manipulator should use such psychological influence with caution.

The impact of self-doubt

In this case, the manipulator crushes its authority. It directly indicates the incompetence of the addressee in certain issues. For example: “You must listen to me - I have lived my life!” You are not capable of anything without me ”,“ Actually, I’m the boss here, so it’s up to me to decide how this should be done. ” Such self-affirmation at the expense of another can take place at different levels and on different issues. The impact will continue until the addressee gets rid of his insecurity, weakness and acquires the necessary skills.

Exposure to pride

Vanity, pride - a wonderful lever for psychological impact. For example: “I see that my wife is tired at work. But you are smart and an excellent hostess - surprise my friends with a delicious dinner ”,“ I am preparing a promotion for you, but, unfortunately, I still have to leave my salary the same. ” The more a person seeks to prove his skills to someone, the more often he tries to catch up and overtake his acquaintances in the success, the faster he will become a victim of psychological impact.

Exposure to pity

This technique is often used by children and young girls. His task is to arouse self-pity and a desire to help. For example: “I’m so tired, I don’t have any strength, but I also need to cook dinner for you”, “I’m the boss and every time I get statements for your bad work and pay fines for you.” The victim in this psychological impact receives help. But she herself does not seek to improve her life, but prefers to complain. The light energetic “vampirism” of this action subsequently causes contempt for the manipulator.

How to learn about the psychological effects?

There are different ways to communicate. Manipulation is one of them. But how can an ignorant person understand that he is being bred into feelings or trying to push him to a certain action? There are special keys that the manipulator uses to get the result. Here are some of them.

1. Emotions. If the addressee feels that the opponent is “crushing” feelings (for example, pity, empathy, shame, revenge), then the process of managing consciousness is underway.
2. Incomprehensible words. Professional terms, “smart” phrases appear in speech. They are a distracting maneuver that is designed to disguise a lie.
3. Repeat phrase.   The recipient hears the repetition of the same statement in speech. Thus, the manipulator is trying to "zombie", inspire the necessary thought.
4. Urgency. It creates a certain level of nervousness. The addressee does not have time to comprehend what has been said, but he is already being called to action. His attention is distracted, and in the hustle and bustle he begins to do what the opponent wants.
5. Crushing the meaning.   During the discussion, the recipient is not given all the information. It is crushed into pieces so that a person is not able to cover the entire news as a whole, but draws false conclusions based on a fragmentary phrase.
6. The imposition of stereotypes.   The manipulator deliberately addresses known truths, emphasizing the commonality of the addressee with them. This imposition of stereotypical thinking or actions leads to the fulfillment by their object of influence.

Manipulations in communication are necessary in those cases when a person does not have the strength and confidence to achieve his desire. He is afraid to openly declare his claims and will prefer to seek his hidden influence.

In business relationship

Manipulations in business communication, their presence or absence, are more dependent on the professionalism of the employee and his self-confidence. It is difficult to influence a person who knows his own worth. If the employee is incompetent or too shy to emphasize his dignity, the employer or colleagues will not fail to take advantage of this.

Common methods of exposure in a work environment are:

• taunts, reproaches; the addressee is nervous, annoyed, and performs the actions necessary for the manipulator;
• demonstrative insult - unwillingness to admit their point of view is incorrect, and the addressee will try to fulfill all the whims of the offended;
• flattery, support are called upon to reduce a person’s vigilance and make him a victim of exposure.

Manipulation in business communication can be avoided if you clearly express your opinion (obviously correct), be confident in your professional qualities. During exposure, you can try to interrupt the conversation by phone call or urgent matter. Even a simple change of discussion topic will help to avoid manipulation.

In interpersonal relationships

Manipulations in interpersonal communication are most often based on gender. This factor allows the use of stereotypes of behavior (“All women do this”, “Real men do not do this”).

Another option is to provoke a desire to protect your gender affiliation (“You did everything right, this is the act of a real man”). The success of the psychological impact directly depends on the arsenal of means and the ability to use them in different situations.

In family relationships

The most common family manipulations are tantrums, silence, a demonstrative departure "to my mother", parties with friends, binges. The psychological impact is used by both parents and children. This is a way to get profit by playing on the feelings of others.

To avoid such influences in the family, it is worth learning to trust each other and openly discuss their desires and actions. Perhaps at first conflict situations will be a frequent occurrence. Over time, relatives will learn to calmly talk about their goals and motivations. But there are constructive manipulations that can inspire a spouse or child for new achievements.

How to protect yourself from psychological effects?

Protection against manipulation in communication primarily consists in avoiding the manipulator. Contact with a person should be minimized or, if this is not possible, try to turn off your emotions. If you don’t make decisions hastily under the influence of other people's words, but think them over, then this will help reduce the intensity of the psychological impact.

The desire to manipulate is most often a hidden desire for power. Praise or appreciation will force a person to reconsider their ways of interacting with people.

You should also try to keep your distance, not to notify the manipulator about your life and its details. The more he knows about the addressee, the more he will get ways to influence.

One must learn to refuse. It is better to be known as a callous person than to constantly perform someone else's work.

Manipulations in communication and their neutralization are common phenomena in society. Therefore, you should always remember that everyone has the right:

• on mistakes and own opinion;
• to change your mind, change your mind;
• do not answer questions if they seem incorrect;
• to be yourself, do not try to be attractive to everyone in a row;
• to be illogical.

People say: to protect yourself from the enemy, you need to know him well in person. The same can be said about such a thing as manipulation. Usually it is defined as the hidden control of human behavior to achieve their own goals. The manipulator consciously and sometimes unconsciously applies deceptive tricks in order to neutralize or subjugate the will of the “object”. Concealment of true feelings and intentions, attitude to other people as to inanimate objects of the material world - these are the distinguishing features of the manipulator. What matters to him is not the true essence of things and events (he simply does not care), but that these things and events should be presented and interpreted in his favor. Acting on a person, the manipulator uses such pain points of the “victim” as decency, commitment, kindness.   That is why it is so difficult for those who are trying to live rightly to recognize, rebuild and immediately rebuff.

Resisting manipulation is not easy. But you must do this! Otherwise you can become a hostage to someone else’s will, automatically performing any installation prudent "puppeteer". But the Creator endowed us (people) with freedom of choice, freedom of will. Light forces do not encroach on her. Using manipulation, a person becomes a vehicle of evil in this world sooner or later, but pays dearly for it.

How do manipulators work? Differently:

• There are those who manage people using active methods. Active manipulator   demonstrates his superiority in relationships, plays the role of a determined and enterprising person. He puts pressure on the interlocutor, using his social status (for example, the status of the boss or parent).
• In contrast to the active passive manipulator   due to its psychological characteristics, it is completely devoid of any pressure. On the contrary, he pretends to be helpless and short-sighted, pretends to be forever offended. Thus, the manipulator forces the person in contact with him to feel sorry for him, to perform one or another action in his favor.
• You can still highlight the so-called competing manipulator. For him, life is a constant competition, an eternal struggle in which he can either win or lose, and the people around him are potential rivals. The methods of a competing manipulator vary: it owns both active and passive.

Manipulation methods

The manipulation itself is multifaceted. And it is not always amenable to one hundred percent “diagnosis”. However, it is still possible to highlight its main features. Try to do it.

And so no one would guess ...

Secret intention is perhaps the main sign of manipulation. As we have already said, the manipulator acts in such a way that it is as reliable as possible to hide from you what for which it actually starts its game. So that in no case do you understand that they want to use you. The manipulator will weave a web: play the role of the aggressor (active method) or victim (passive method) exactly as long until you yourself, as if of your own accord, present to him on a silver platter what he is so eager for. Ask openly and then thank for the help - this is not his method.

Example 1

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In the service of the DOW, this is a real emergency. Employees prepare copies of documents for tax audit. All are overwhelmed with work and from fatigue literally fall from their feet. In this situation, no one will have a thought about taking a day off for a day or two, let alone asking for another vacation. Anyway, the boss will not let go and no arguments will help here.

But one of the employees needs a vacation, as they say, desperately: her husband finally fulfilled the promise and bought a long-awaited tour in Europe. And then the woman begins to lead her game. At work, she is sad, does not talk to anyone, crying furtively. Does not respond to questions from colleagues. This continues for some time until the head invites her to his office in order to find out the reason for the changes that happened to her. The woman, especially not outspoken, explains her behavior with family troubles. And then the leader (appreciating the subordinate as an intelligent and executive employee), on his own initiative, offers her a little rest, come to her senses, and for this to go on vacation for two weeks. Which was required by a clever pretender!

Using the principle of consistency

The desire of people to always and everywhere be consistent (sometimes even contrary to their own interests) is a good bait for a manipulator.   Well, who wants to have a reputation as a fickle and unreliable partner? And it is precisely in this way that in the eyes of the public a person appears who has a word at odds with deed. Hence the conclusion: if you said something, you should definitely do it. Even if the situation subsequently changed and your previous decision does not seem so successful to you now.

Manipulators are actively using this. Their main argument is: “Well, you promised! I was hoping for you! ”As a result, the person, contrary to common sense and personal gain, dutifully (or outraged at the same time), but nevertheless fulfills the“ order ”of the manipulator.

Game of interest

The next sign of manipulation is use of sensitive information about the victim. By sharing with your colleagues detailed information about yourself, about your interests and plans, you become extremely vulnerable to the actions of an unscrupulous partner. Playing on a person’s weaknesses, on his desires and needs, the manipulator can sometimes easily achieve the result he needs. As in the situation below.

Example 2

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An employee of one of the Moscow companies (let's call him K.) was in dire need of better housing conditions: in a small one-room apartment on the outskirts of the city, three more people lived with him - a wife, a child and an elderly mother-in-law. The personal disorder of the colleague was the property of the whole team. K. often and rather willingly discussed his everyday difficulties in the smoking room.

Knew about the problems of the subordinate and his immediate superior. And I decided to play this. Once, during a conversation with a subordinate, he casually said that he was going to “knock out” a loan for the purchase of housing from the company management for him. The overjoyed employee did not know how to thank the boss! However, shortly afterwards, various requests from the head fell on the “happy” employee: “Would you agree to help us with the preparation of the report?”, “We really hope for your participation in the charity event”, “You will not mind if we postpone Your vacation for November? ”Etc. Well, how can I refuse? Of course, the subordinate did not mind and did everything that was asked of him. So it turns out: the person really hasn’t received anything yet (and is unlikely to receive it), but already feels indebted to the leader, feels obligated to respond with "good" with good.

Example 3

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If they want to help, they help. Here is the exact opposite of the real story!

For more than ten years, a private company has grown to the size of a holding with a significant market share. The head and main business owner found out that one of the drivers is looking for a way to borrow money to solve his housing problem. And there had to be such a coincidence that at that time this employee turned out to be the longest working, the only “dinosaur” that had not died out, still remembering the old days when business started to be done “on the knee”, and the New Year was approaching - the issue of his corporate celebration. The manager refused him a loan, but (!) During the celebration of the corporate New Year, he gave him the missing amount for an apartment with words of gratitude for honest work and contribution to the common cause.

What do you think, how did this affect all those present, how did they increase their loyalty to their native company? They don’t look for good from good (they don’t bargain for it), at first they give it themselves and then receive the fruits.

Example 4

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An employee in an informal conversation with a colleague shared that he can never refuse a person if he addresses him politely, delicately, albeit purely outwardly showing love and respect. A rebuff can give only in case of aggressive behavior. This weakness of the character of a colleague is taken by an unscrupulous colleague. Since then, wanting to get any benefit for himself, he turns to a friend from the position of an affectionate parent, using diminutive suffixes. The victim of manipulation, suffering internally, is “led” to such tactics and doomed, through force, to fulfill the requests of the manipulator.

Exploitation of decency

Often, during manipulation, the positive characteristics of the potential victim are actively used. Such as responsibility, integrity, integrity. Pressing on a person’s conscience, the manipulator literally drives him into a corner, and the latter has no choice but to act in the interests of the manipulator.

A bet on appreciation

A sense of appreciation is deeply rooted in the human mind. If in our life someone has done us something good, kind, it is implied that we must render the person reciprocal courtesy. For example, if we were presented with a gift, borrowed money, or shared a harvest from summer cottages, then we should certainly take care of the response (otherwise the soul feels obligated). Otherwise, you can be considered ungrateful. But who wants this? So it turns out that the principle of appreciation has actually become an integral part of human culture.

And this installation for the exchange of courtesies is often and actively used by manipulators. Wherein they strictly dose the size of the gift and the "gift". Rendering a trifle service to a colleague daily (for example, closing a window at his request at the office or buying pies in a local buffet for lunch), they immediately ask for a much larger scale courtesy   (for example, on duty instead of yourself, “covering” the absence from work from the authorities or exchanging vacations on conditions unfavorable for the victim). A person under the influence of such manipulation finds himself in an uncomfortable position: I don’t feel like doing what they ask him to, but at the same time it is inconvenient to refuse ... But what’s inconvenient if you are being dishonestly treated ?!

"... should not dare to have their own judgments"

A "reference to authority" is also a clear sign of manipulation. The word "authority" means power, influence. The society recognizes the obligation of unconditional submission to someone strong, powerful, smart, in other words, authoritative. In many areas of life, authority does play a decisive role. For example, in the public sphere, in the field of science, art. Well, who will challenge the authority of Nicholas Copernicus or, for example, Carl Jung? The power of authority is well understood by the manipulator, programming the next victim for a profitable (convenient) action or inaction.

Example 5

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A., an ordinary employee of the DOW service, comes to his immediate supervisor with concrete proposals for improving the work of the department. After talking with a former classmate who is now working in another company with a similar profile, A. found out how to solve the urgent problems of his organization and how much it really costs (it’s one thing to hear the numbers from the SED developer and quite another from the customer who has already implemented it, - this is the most valuable information), A. has already carried out the initial “marketing research” and formulated concrete proposals for automation.

But the leader has neither the time nor the desire to understand projects that are not the measure of an active subordinate. And instead of carefully looking at the materials, he, having slightly run through his eyes, condescendingly drops: "Nonsense, Ivan Ivanovich does not think so, and Petr Petrovich opposes this." Knowing that Ivan Ivanovich and Petr Petrovich are unquestioned authorities, the subordinate feels ashamed. He leaves the office of the chief and forever extinguishes the reformist impulses within himself.

Signs of "insincerity" of the manipulator

Above, we identified the starting points, using which the manipulator achieves its goals. We saw with concrete examples how his technologies work.

Now let's ask ourselves this question: how to recognize a manipulator in a person, how to understand whether your interlocutor sincerely communicates with you? Or is it his intention to use you as a pawn in a pre-thought out “chess game”? To accurately answer this question, you need to be at least a born psychologist. Not everyone can do it. But nevertheless, an ordinary person, not endowed with a subtle sense of “psychologist,” in a number of cases may well recognize manipulation. For example, if communication is associated with a violation of etiquette, with a change in previously established stereotypes, with the appearance of discomfort, guilt, a state of deep inner emptiness.

Etiquette violation

It should be noted that the manipulator always turns to the person at the most inopportune moment: when you are talking on the phone, hurry to catch a regular bus, etc., i.e. when your resource to ponder and decide on his request is small. At the same time, the manipulator may apologize, ask for forgiveness for not contacting you at the right time ... but still, it will do it. Thus, he puts you in an uncomfortable position and literally forces you to agree to his request: you are ready to give everything, if only he would leave you alone.

Another common trick: the manipulator asks you to do a good deed for a third person right in the presence of a third personso that it’s hard for you to refuse. As a result, the manipulator did the “good” with your hands, not interested in your circumstances and intentions (he wanted to spit on them), he decided to do this “good” at your expense, and not himself. Feel the difference?

Change of stereotypes

And here is another signal that outwardly indicates possible manipulation. Suppose you have known a person for a long time. Your relationship is defined, predictable, and stereotyped. When meeting in the corridor, you sometimes have to exchange words with your colleague in two or three words. Usually this is a morning greeting or evening farewell. And suddenly one day the behavior of a person changes dramatically.   Smiling happily (as if he hadn’t seen you for a hundred years), he goes towards him, and when he reaches you, he shakes hands with feeling. Wherein you feel some pretense   in his actions, subtle falsity. Such a change in the behavior of a colleague should serve as a warning sign: perhaps a co-worker is simply setting the stage in order to receive something from you.

Hyperbolizing Request

Outwardly, it looks like this: an employee asks a manager about some completely insignificant service. For example, let him go an hour earlier from work or provide the required time off. But at the same time it is stipulated that if the latter does not meet him, something terrible will happen: he will not be able to escort his wife to the airport, and this is tantamount to breaking family relationships. Exaggerating the significance of the request, the employee-manipulator thus presses on the conscience of the leader and pushes him to make the decision necessary for himself.

Of course, it is usually difficult to figure out where the lie is and where the truth is. But sometimes a person has additional information (except for what he heard from the supplicant), and then juxtaposing something can be understood.

Vampirism Syndrome

It is possible to recognize that hidden control is applied to you by other subjective signs. Suddenly, it is completely incomprehensible why, during a conversation you feel guilty or suddenly in danger. And with it the need to make amends for this guilt or to avoid a possible threat. This is the result of the action of the manipulator, which set the stage for the psychological treatment of the victim.

It also happens that during the communication period you feeling worse. Gradually, the head becomes heavier, legs become cottony. The feeling is that you have been deprived of energy, vitality. Literally pumped out all the juices. What's happening? They are really “pumped out”, and your body makes you understand what is happening. Trust your feelings, especially if they systematically arise when communicating with a specific “character”. The body is the first to respond to psychological pressure, while the head is not yet fully aware of what is actually happening.

As soon as the goals of the manipulator become clear to the victim (in fact, from that moment on, she ceases to be a victim), all somatic phenomena begin to disappear. Remember manipulation is alive until the moment when its true goals are not recognized by the object of manipulation!

Take the Shield and Sword in our own hands!

So, we have identified the characteristic features and signs of manipulation. And now let's see how you can protect yourself, protect yourself from this unpleasant phenomenon.

Passive protection

This form of protection is applied when a person does not know how to respond to the manipulator or when he does not want to completely ruin his relationship with him. In this case, it will suffice to act as follows:

• eg, change the topic of conversation or ignore the words of the manipulator, just pretend that they did not hear them;
• you can pretend to be "slow-witted"who does not understand what they want from him;
• this trick also helps: first agree with the manipulator, then ask a clarifying question, thereby prompting him to continue the speech and gaining time to think about the answer.

Example 6

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The director asks the subordinate to perform work that is not the responsibility of the latter. To which the employee replies: “Yes, good. I will do. Just tell me, to whom should I transfer the task that you entrusted me with yesterday? ”That is, the subordinate presents the manager with a choice: the director must decide what exactly the subordinate will do in the near future. And the boss has no choice but to clarify this issue. Whereas his initial goal was to load the employee "in full."

With passive protection it is very important keep calm. Otherwise, the manipulator will feel your vulnerability. And then he will strive at all costs to make a breach in the defense and make him dance to his tune.

• As a rule, the main part of negative information is perceived by a person through hearing. Therefore, when communicating with the manipulator concentrate not on what he says, but on his appearance and environment. Let the manipulator continue to “try” to broadcast anything. You, in order to ignore his suggestion, try to carefully consider and remember the details of the situation and the person of the interlocutor, as if this is of utmost importance to you. This “care” will help you maintain your composure.
• The following trick also helps a lot. Mentally reduce the growth of a person annoying you: Imagine it as a dwarf or a cockroach, which you can ruthlessly crush if you wish. Suppose, at least mentally, but enjoy how you “give back”.
• And finally, the last: pause the dialogue with the manipulator. Never rush to answer. This will allow you to calm down and pull yourself together.

Active protection

Now about active protection. It is used in situations where, as they say, there is nothing to lose and you can not be afraid of an open conflict. The main thing in using active defense is a certain psychological attitude: you should directly, openly and decisively tell the manipulator what you think. In this case, either dot all the “i”, asking the enemy open questions such as: “Speak directly, what is required of me”, or go to . That is, to pretend that you are not aware that you are being manipulated, and to begin the return game, subsequently ending it with a “frontal strike”, which completely deprives the manipulator of psychological superiority.

Example 7

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The end of the quarter is approaching. It is necessary to prepare a planned report, but the employee is in no hurry to begin routine, uninteresting work. She delays the unpleasant moment as long as possible. The head complains about depression, headache, feeling sick (passive manipulation), as if hoping that the problem resolves by itself.

The chief at first does not rush the subordinate, sympathizes with her, enters into her position. But then, when the deadlines are running out and the subtlety's trick becomes apparent, he changes his policy. One morning, going into her office, a girl sees such a picture. At her desk sits the boss and parses the folders that contain information for the report. And then it enters the data into the computer program. An employee literally becomes speechless due to surprise. But finally she is finished off by the head’s question: “Well, so will you fulfill your duties? Or should I look for a new employee for these purposes? ”Needless to say, such a“ shot ”falls into the top ten and the employee unconditionally starts preparing a report.

Example 8

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In this article we allow ourselves to give one example on a “non-working” topic, it is painfully visual. Imagine a situation: a husband brought home a bonus.

Even when she was just looming on the horizon, his wife convinced him that she just needed a new coat, the old one was "completely worn out", it was inconvenient to go straight into the people. He easily agreed to this: he loves a sweet one and pretends that not all the prize will be spent on a purchase - he will still remain on the realization of his “dream” in a reduced format. But after receiving the prize, the wife takes the next step: in the evening at dinner she sympathizes with unexpected circumstances in her mother’s life, all this is discussed in paints all evening, and in the presence of her husband and several other relatives she promises (without first consulting her husband), which, of course , they won’t leave it all and help. The husband can either right at the table to become "bad" and greedy for everyone, or to remain silent and then fulfill the promise of his wife.

What does a smart husband do? After dinner, when she is left with a sweet one, she says: “Of course, we will help your mother. Only now there will be less on a fur coat. ” And the amount that is needed to solve the "mother’s problem" is subtracted from the allocated for a fur coat, which is turning in front of our eyes ... into a very good down jacket! In order to continue to manipulate him it was not good ... But he bought a fur coat anyway, only with a different bonus :)

We talked (albeit in general terms) about what constitutes such a phenomenon as manipulation, and how you can protect yourself from it. We hope that this information will help you in life. In conclusion, we give some more tips:

1. Never start a psychological attack first.   Do not forget that in any case, a bad world is better than a good quarrel.
2. Make the manipulator understand that it is exposed, he won’t achieve his goals and continue the further game is not in his interests.
3. Do not write everyone you meet on the manipulators.   Not all people around you want to use your kindness. Being overly suspicious you can completely deprive yourself of the joy of communication.
4. And the main advice: adhere to assertive behavior in life   - and then no manipulator is afraid of you. The philosophy of assertive behavior is based on the assumption that many people have forgotten or are not aware that we are all equal and have equal rights. The goal of assertiveness is to assert your rights without violating the rights of others. The main features characteristic of such behavior can be formulated in the form of some internal attitudes:
      - I have the right to be myself and not to adapt to others.
      “I have the right to say yes or no.”
      - I have the right to openly express my feelings and beliefs.
      - I have the right to change my mind.
      - I have the right to say "I do not understand."
      - I have the right not to take responsibility for the problems of other people.
      “I have the right to ask for something else.”
      - I have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
      “I have the right to be listened to and taken seriously.”
      “I have the right to make mistakes and feel comfortable recognizing them.”

And all together, these attitudes come down to respect. Total respect is at the same time respect for oneself and others. The first saves you from the claims of manipulators, the second - from having to slide yourself to such actions. Respect is always fearless.

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Brother David Steindl Rast, Benedictine monk, one of the reformers of Catholicism, founder of the Christian-Buddhist dialogue:

Fear is the root of aggression. All wars in the world come from the fear of the people that the military leaders skillfully use. If the leaders themselves had less fear, wars could have been avoided. But to make peace, you need much more courage than to start a war. But if you are afraid, you become aggressive. Even small animals become aggressive if they feel fear: if the small mouse is scared enough, it will throw itself at you.

Thus, fear is the root of everything that is wrong in our lives.

Fear also hides behind our desire to have more money, more than that, more than that ... because we are afraid that without these components we will not be able to move on. If we overcome fear and live without fear, we begin to understand that we no longer live out of a sense of self-pity, but live with a sense of self-sufficiency. And if we have this fearless attitude, we will begin to live joyfully.

That is why in prayer, turning to our Heavenly Father, we ask: "Give us our daily bread today." Those. literally “bread for today” - let's not worry about tomorrow, let's think about today's bread, and it will bring us a lot of joy. If now we begin to worry about what will happen tomorrow - we are on the wrong track. And this is the main thing I want to say: "Do not be afraid."

(For a full interview with David Rast and other participants in the International Congress on Transpersonal Psychology and Spirituality in Moscow, see http://dattamedia.ru in the Movies section, hereinafter referred to as the “About the Main” video)

Footnotes

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