The flowers of Evil. How to live with a daffodil

We tell how to turn high self-esteem into high self-esteem.

You must have heard these terrible stories more than once about those unfortunate people who were “lucky” to live with a daffodil, work under his supervision, make friends with him and go to the same fitness club with him. People with a diagnosis of “narcissistic personality disorder” sincerely believe in their own significance - of course, because the mere fact of their existence makes the planet rotate, and the sun shines in the sky. They need flattery and admiration as much as food and oxygen. And those around, whether colleagues, friends or relatives, are no more than an addition to their life. An addition that is easy to get rid of if it ceases to function properly - to praise and admire. And woe to anyone who dares to claim something more than the role of attendants in the life of a daffodil.

But still, do not confuse narcissistic personality disorder with narcissism as a character trait. Psychologists say that people with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely rare - according to various estimates, their number varies from 1 to 6.2 percent of the total population of the planet. At the same time, the famous Freud in his works argued that narcissism has been an integral feature of any person since his birth. So there is nothing wrong with sincerely loving yourself and admiring yourself, the only question is whether you control this feeling or it controls you. Depending on this, you will get a character trait that will become either a headache for everyone around you, or a useful tool in communicating with people.

Narcissism as the main sign of self-confidence

If your work involves frequent speeches in front of a large audience, then narcissism gives you not only an additional boost of energy and confidence, but also contributes to the fact that you get real pleasure from your work - you are in the center of attention, what else can you dream of? This feeling stimulates: you want to work on yourself, develop, become even better and more professional. Scientific studies confirm that reality TV stars, TV hosts, musicians and actors, as a rule, gain more points in the test for determining the level of narcissism and egocentrism than people in non-public professions.

Narcissism is only the beginning

Confidence in oneself and one's own strength is needed, as a rule, at the very beginning - in order to get involved and not back down. But after you successfully passed the interview, got promoted and made a new promising acquaintance, other qualities and skills come to the fore - intelligence, sense of humor, listening ability, hard work, responsibility (yes, this list is a little longer than infinity). If faith in your own chosenness and significance is your main guideline in life, then, alas, nobody will be fooled a second time. Self-confidence is a kind of magnifying glass. Glass, which only reflects and enhances the essence. If there is no personality, no integral nature, no distinctive character, then what should be reflected? Only one thing is emptiness.

The classic scenario of a person’s life with a narcissistic personality disorder consists mainly of two stages - the beginning of something new and the end of something that did not work out. Narcissus is very easy to interest, he is attracted to any novelty - a new job, new relationship, new friends. He is flattered by his attention, he likes to make his first impression - pathological daffodils do not know how to build long-term relationships, they cannot overcome difficulties, they cannot listen and hear others. The collapse of illusions regarding one's own significance is the worst thing that can happen to a self-confident person, and in order to avoid this, you need to leave on time. Leave to find a new job, new relationship, new friends. Sometimes the only reason people with a narcissistic personality disorder turn to specialists for help is loneliness and a vague realization that the past “confident” life has been completely destroyed. Inside there are only ruins, and around there is nobody.

What if your narcissistic traits get out of hand

Dr. John Oldham, a professor of psychiatry at Baylor University, agrees that narcissistic traits can sometimes be very helpful. He compares them with blood pressure - too high pressure is as dangerous as its absence. If you caught yourself thinking that your boasting is beyond the scope (you noticed on your interlocutor’s faces this slightly absent expression: “Well, yes, yes - who is talking about, but he is only about himself”), and your relatives complain that If you treat them simply as things (useful and necessary things), you should put aside the mirror that is so nice to look at, turn off the front camera and instead of the next selfie, think about whether you are doing everything right.

Oldham recommends doing a few simple exercises that will help to slightly tame your sense of self-worth if it is overflowing. These exercises involve analyzing criticisms of the narcissus and trying to show interest in someone else besides your own person - it’s important to learn to look at yourself from the outside through the prism of how your relatives and friends perceive you. In some cases, psychologists suggest daffodils make a list of the shortcomings that they have. For most people, recognition of their own weaknesses is a process that does not require a long reflection. They understand very well that the leaf is always divided in half - minus on the right, plus on the left, but daffodils only have to come to this. But nevertheless, having said goodbye to empty illusions, people who were previously fixated exclusively on themselves, receive in return not such an unambiguous, but still honest reality, in which they are surrounded by loving friends. And if earlier the world of the daffodil looked more like a meter-by-meter mirror room, now the Universe is at its disposal, where there is a place for close and dear people.

Daffodils require admiration and adoration, it is difficult for them to accept criticism. Often it is very difficult to get along with such people, especially if the daffodil is a man.

What are the causes of narcissism?

Narcissism is brought up. Usually, a narcissist's parents also suffer from some form of perfectionism. The increased demands of parents lead to the formation of narcissism, often in which there is a promise to be ideal anytime, anywhere. Such parents sometimes forget that it is important to strive for development, and not for complete perfection and an ideal that is often unattainable. A narcissistic person does not just want to achieve success or learn something new, he is very scared to be bad and not perfect. And this fear is invested in it by parents, thus depriving them of the soil under their feet and making it dependent on the opinions of others. Narcissus has no right to appoint himself the best.

How to recognize a daffodil?

Daffodils often look happy with life and unwaveringly confident in their own attractiveness, professionalism and more. However, they are distinguished by a strong and often unconscious fear of being flawed. Daffodils are firmly convinced that they are not good enough, but they are very scared to show this flaw to others and get, as they think, a large portion of condemnation. Narcissus, despite the ostentatious self-confidence, is extremely dependent on the opinions of others, on their regular admiration and service. Sometimes, in order to arouse admiration and desire to serve, a daffodil may try very hard and give the impression of a caring person, but it always remains false.

How to deal with the manifestations of narcissism and is it worth it at all?

It’s not worth fighting narcissism, but there are some rules that can be used to alleviate suffering while exacerbating perfectionism.

1. Always try something new.

If you decide to fight narcissism, then the ability to learn and acquire new skills is always the result of a student position, becoming a specialist in another area is not possible without it.

2. Distinguish between "excellence" and "splendor."

You can do a great job, but perfection is almost impossible, remember this

3. Do not strive to organize everything to the smallest detail.

The desire to organize your life can make it great, but it is impossible to take into account all the variety of factors, sometimes you just have to let go of the situation.

4. Think about your life priorities and answer your question why I am doing this.

If you are doing something complicated out of a desire not to face the dirt, think about whether this is really important to you and what else you can spend this time and effort on.

5. Look for simplicity.

Striving to achieve perfection in everything and refusing to fight narcissism, you deprive yourself of freedom and the opportunity to rest and relax.

Question.   Is it possible to have a positive relationship with the daffodil, and if so, how to build them? How to deal with the abuser?

Answer.   Sometimes it seems hopeless. Such people are ruthless, immoral, prudent, insidious, deceitful, possess the gift of persuasion - in general, are invulnerable. They can easily persuade any situation to their advantage.

The following is a list of countermeasures (in order of amplification) that you can take. This is the concentrated experience of thousands of victims of destructive relationships. It does not describe moments related to law or medical care. To do this, contact the appropriate specialist.

First, you have to decide - do you want to stay with the abuser or break off your relationship?

Your choice: "I want to stay with him"

In this case, the following tactics may help you.

How to avoid the wrath of a daffodil:

Try to agree with him in everything and not object to him.
- Do not offer him intimacy. Daffodils perceive intimacy as a prelude to manipulation.
- Be delighted with the qualities of the daffodil that are important to him (professional achievements, appearance, success in women).
- Do not talk to him about ordinary, everyday life, and if you do this, then connect it somehow with his sense of grandeur.
- Do not make comments directly or indirectly encroaching on his self-esteem, omnipotence, judgment, omniscience, skills, abilities, professional experience or even omnipresence.

How to make a daffodil dependent on you:

Listen carefully to everything that narcissus tells you, and agree with everything. Do not believe a word, but do not focus on it.
“Offer him something unique that he can't get anywhere else.” But also be prepared to start looking for new sources of primary narcoresource, since you will not be in this role for a long time. If you take the search function on yourself, the daffodil will become much more dependent on you.
- Be endlessly patient and helpful.
- Be prepared to give only. It may not seem very attractive to you, but either you accept it or leave.
- Be emotionally and financially independent of the daffodil. Take what you need from this relationship and don’t take it to heart when the daffodil says or does something rude or insensitive. The response to this in the form of a scream is an effective means, but it is better to save it for special cases when the narcissus is on the verge of leaving you. It’s better to just boycott him, but don’t get involved emotionally, and say with a touch of boredom, “I’ll talk to you later when I’m ready (and), and when you, in turn, will behave more wisely.” Behave with a daffodil like a child.

If your daffodil is cerebral and not particularly interested in sexual relations - then allow yourself to have them on the side. But your daffodil will not be able to remain indifferent to treason, so secrecy is of paramount importance.

If your daffodil is somatic and you don't mind, then join group sex meetings. If you are against - leave it. Somatic daffodils are sex addicts and have an incorrigible tendency to cheat.

If you want to "change", "cure" the narcissus, then better direct your efforts at resolving specific problem situations that arise in the process of interacting with the narcissus, before they become real problems. Do not fool yourself for a minute that you can change the daffodil - it is simply impossible.

If something can be “changed” in the daffodil, it helps him to realize the peculiarities of his psyche and behavior, without any complaints or accusations. It is like living with a physically inferior person, where you need to calmly, without emotions discuss his limitations and how you can live together with it, instead of trying to change what cannot be changed.

Last, and most important. Understand yourself. What do these relationships give you? Are you a masochist? Co-dependent person? Why are you so attracted to this relationship?

Clearly define for yourself what good and useful you get in these relationships.
Also recognize their harmful effects for you. Develop strategies to minimize harm to yourself. Do not expect to be able to change the daffodil. You can achieve some success and mitigate the most traumatic moments for you in his behavior, but this is only possible in very trusting relationships.

Defend your borders. Personal boundaries are rules of conduct that you consider inappropriate to violate.
You must clearly and unequivocally determine, first of all for yourself, how to protect your dignity, personal space, your freedom and life priorities.

Then you need to bring these rules to the attention of your partner, along with a “price list” - the measures that will follow in connection with the violation of your personal boundaries. You need to be decisive and learn to firmly uphold your borders. Your authority depends on the consistent application of the rules you have established.

Refuse to accept destructive behavior. Demand adequate, predictable actions and reactions.

Demand fair treatment. Reject or ignore unjust and unruly behavior.

If you are on the verge of imminent confrontation, answer the daffodil in the same way that he is to you. Let him try his own medicine.

Do not show the abuser that you are afraid of him.

Do not argue with him. Abusers are insatiable in this regard.

Do not succumb to blackmail.

If the partner allows himself to be mistreated with you - contact law enforcement officers, tell friends and colleagues or threaten him (legally).

Do not keep things secret. Secrecy is the weapon of the abuser.

Do not give him a chance for a second attack. React immediately with all your "arsenal" to the first offense.

Be careful. Do not be too frank at the first or accidental meeting. Gather more information.

Be yourself. Do not distort your desires, boundaries, preferences and priorities.

Behave consistently. Do not take your words back. Be firm and determined.
Avoid obscure, unpredictable and dangerous situations in which the narcissus is trying to draw you.

Carefully study all his suggestions, even the most harmless. Keep others informed of the situation and your location.

Be carefull. Do not be too gullible and suggestible. God saves man, who save himself.

Often people who contribute to the abuser do not understand their true role. Expose the abuser. Inform them. Show them that they, too, are being abused and manipulated by the abuser to achieve their goals.

Trap your abuser. Treat him the way he treats you.

Make the situation public. There is nothing better than sunlight to "disinfect" abuse.

Mirror his behavior. If, for example, he has a fit of anger, be angry too. If he is threatening, then you are threatening, while trying to use the same vocabulary and expressions. If he leaves home - also leave, disappear. When he becomes suspicious - do the same. Be critical, denigrate, insult, in general, go down to its level.

Scare him. Identify the vulnerabilities and pain points of the daffodil and strike them with increasing force.
If the daffodil has a secret or something that he wants to hide, use this information to threaten him. Make cryptic hints that there are mysterious witnesses to these events and recently discovered evidence. Do it wisely, gradually, with increasing power. Let his imagination do the rest. You do not need to do anything special, except to make a vague mention, an ominous hint, to outline a possible development of events.

All these actions should be carried out openly, legally, preferably through a lawyer. Otherwise, they can be regarded as extortion, blackmail, prosecution and other criminally punishable acts.

Lure him. Provide him with continuous supply of narcotic resources. You can force the daffodil to do anything by offering, restraining or threatening to restrain the narcoresource (flattery, admiration, attention, sex, reverence, submission, etc.).

Play on his fear of rejection . If none of the above works, clearly threaten the daffodil to leave him. You can set the condition - “If you do (don’t) do anything, I’ll leave you.”

Daffodils perceive the following actions as a threat to breakup:

Confrontation, Fundamental Disagreement, and Lingering Criticism
- Complete ignoring the daffodil
- When you insist on respect for your borders, needs, emotions, choices, preferences
- When you retaliate (for example, shout at him in response)

(The end of the answer to the question is in the next post, where Vaknin will tell you how to behave if you decide to break off relations with the daffodil).

Narcissism is a personality disorder in which a narcissist considers himself the center around which everyone should revolve, and if this is not so, the narcissist is looking for a new company in which he is a star, and people, like mirrors, reflect his grandeur.

Who is a daffodil?

In many mental personality disorders, ancient Greek myths are reflected. Narcissism as a disorder in psychology was first described by Z. Freud, a Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist. The name of Narcissus, a young man in love with his reflection has become a household name for the disorder, called - narcissism. A narcissist is a narcissistic person with inflated self-conceit and self-esteem, such children, men or women consider themselves the most intelligent, beautiful and the best in everything. In communication with others, the daffodil is arrogant and arrogant.

In essence, daffodils are neurotics, and if healthy narcissism is an integral part of a baby's love of his body, then malignant narcissism is already a pathology. Conventionally, daffodils can be divided into two types: self-confident (classic narcissistic type) and insecure. Both types crave admiration and recognition, but if a confident narcissist realizes that they admire him, then an insecure one, even if he is in a crowd of admirers, feels his worthlessness. Among the confident daffodils, there are many successful people in high positions.

Signs of narcissism

N. Schwartz-Salant, in his book “Narcissism and the Transformation of a Narcissistic Personality”, attaches great importance to the study of the phenomenon of narcissism, and if earlier it was believed that this disorder is not amenable to psychological correction due to the special narcissistic armor-protection, then the work aimed at merging with its identity of a person suffering from narcissism brings good results. Suspect in the client of "narcissus", the psychologist is allowed the following signs that through speech, the person translates the behavior:

• requires increased attention and approval;
• fantasizes a lot, fantasy themes more often relate to fame, money, success for the opposite sex;
• envious of other people's achievements;
• broadcasts its superiority over others;
• absent ;
• demonstrative behavior;
• focuses on the shortcomings of others, criticism does not accept.

Narcissism in men

They immediately force others to draw attention to themselves, wherever they are, and it is not a matter of beauty, although male daffodils are confident in their irresistibility. There is a certain capriciousness in them, which in fact repels, but does not attract, therefore it is difficult for them to interact with society, people try to avoid true daffodils. They can’t be listened to and all “I!” And “I!” Are also sometimes spoken about others, but with envy and negative statements. A woman who has fallen in love with this "capricious prince" will be greatly disappointed.

Who is a man according to the description of a daffodil, signs:

• it is important for him to shine and bathe in the rays of glory, to light up everywhere;
• confident in his own grandeur;
•   , and greatness itself is a beautiful bright candy wrapper, with a void inside;
• tries to stand out among others with his appearance, bright clothes;
• yearn for endless applause;
• they pay great attention to their appearance, the mirror is their second "I", they are generally attracted to any mirror surfaces where you can admire yourself;
• they need women, as their admirers, they avoid serious relationships, keep their distance.

Narcissism in women

Narcissism, as a mental personality disorder, is also characteristic of the fair sex, and, strangely enough, nature itself prompts them to this. For a woman, to win the attention of a male, it is important to look beautiful, and sometimes it is so addictive that you want to look in the mirror indefinitely. But this does not always mean the manifestation of narcissism. How to recognize narcissism among the gentle half of humanity:

• own appearance is the most important thing for her;
• infantile position in life - such women are rarely independent and earn their own money, they find male sponsors who support them;
• consumer attitude to men, and generally to relatives, other people;
• often suffers;
• if a daffodil becomes a mother, this is a great test for both, as a daffodil mother is cold and makes high demands on her child, the child suffers from a lack of maternal warmth.

Narcissism in children

Children's narcissism is often manifested in the desire of the child to manipulate and switch attention from others to himself. You should beware and consult a specialist if the following manifestations of narcissism in the behavior of a child are observed:

• treats others as insignificance, with arrogance;
• shows aggression, likes to humiliate the weaker and younger in age;
• gathers an audience around him and boasts, trying to arouse admiration of other children, classmates;
• can provide “ostentatious” help to the needy, so that everyone sees and says how good he / she is.

Narcissism - types

Narcissism is of several types, and it does not always become a disorder, being a variant of the norm. Forms of narcissism are usually divided into:

1. Normal   - is characteristic of each person in the process of mental development, the child learns himself through the love of his body for himself, then, growing up, he chooses an object for love from the environment. With the normal development of personality, this form of narcissistic unity of oneself does not violate the ability to adequately relate to oneself and others.
2. Pathological   - an ambivalent image of his "I". A sense of worthlessness, low self-esteem and a demand from others to constantly confirm their importance, while there is a sense of grandeur that others do not want to notice.
3. Malignant   - love for another is impossible, it distracts from love for one's own person.

Another classification of types of narcissism:

• constructive;
• destructive;
• perverse;
• scarce.

Scarce narcissism

A narcissist is a man, be it a man or a woman, inside himself is an insecure boy or girl in need of protection. Deficit narcissism is a constructive form and manifests itself as an inability to be a holistic personality. Self-esteem is inadequate, a deficient narcissus does not know how to really evaluate himself, he does not have autonomy, which causes an inability to defend his views, to have independent judgments. Seek approval for their actions and deeds.

Perverse Narcissism

This type of narcissism (pervertere - inverted) is pathological, and people suffering from this type of disorder can be called psychopaths. Communication with them should be extremely careful and limited. Perverse narcissism in a man or woman is manifested as follows:

• disregard the opinions of others;
• use information received from another person in a perverted, defaming form;
• they are energy vampires, and communication with them deenergizes the interlocutor;
• all surrounding people - pawns, assert themselves at the expense of others;
• they are alexithimics - insensitive, frozen, but they can perfectly imitate strong feelings, while remaining cold;
• arrogant, a sense of superiority over others with their own mediocrity or even mediocrity.

Depressive narcissism

In this case we are talking about depression, which is periodically experienced by people with narcissistic disorder. Narcissus man, a characteristic of a depressive state, which D.M. Shvrakich called narcissistic "weakness" in this type of mental disorder:

1. Lesion depression   - a state where the daffodil understands that he is not a attainer, unlike others. A feeling of anger and envy.
2. Insulation Care   - at the same time there are feelings: anger and depreciation.
3. "Empty interval"   - the daffodil experiences boredom and a feeling of emptiness, the “grandiose Self” of the daffodil is looking for a new object for exploitation. A vicious narcissistic circle is formed.

Cerebral narcissism

The concept of narcissism includes multiple facets of manifestations and forms. Cerebral narcissus is a person who considers himself a high intellectual; if he is a man, he is a woman hater and more often asexual. Women are needed in order to be reflectors of his fame. Sex for this type of daffodil is a simple mechanical action, without intimacy and commitment, but as a source for increasing the narcissistic resource.

Grand narcissism

Who is called a grand narcissus in psychology? There are vulnerable and grandiose daffodils, the first constantly doubting with low self-esteem, the second with a sense of grandeur and high self-esteem, and overconfidence overlooking. The narcissism of grand daffodils rolls over, they love to exploit others and cause a feeling of jealousy among their sexual partners.

Clinical narcissism

Clinical narcissism includes all pathological and malignant forms of narcissism - which are essentially pathological mental personality disorders. Clinically, narcissism in relationships is most severely manifested. If one of the partners suffers from narcissism, there can be no talk of a full-fledged relationship. Narcissus always "pulls the blanket" on himself.

Secondary narcissism

In contrast to primary, healthy narcissism, which, according to Freud, is a natural development of personality in infancy, secondary narcissism is a disorder that essentially represents regression, a protective mechanism or a reversal of the psyche, and the libido 180 ° again. Secondary narcissism is a pathology that is difficult to psychological correction.

Causes of narcissism

Perfectionism and narcissism often go hand in hand, in the depths of his soul the narcissist is afraid of failure, so it is better he will not show any activity other than demonstrative behavior. There are many reasons for cultivating a narcissistic personality in a person. Biological reasons:

• in the area of \u200b\u200bthe brain corresponding to empathy and emotions, activity is reduced;

• compacted cerebral cortex;
• the gray matter of the brain is underdeveloped.

Psychological reasons:

• parental hypo- or hyper-custody;
• inadequate self-assessment;
• destructively formed "I-concept";
• sexual abuse;
• various kinds of psychological trauma;
• excessive demands of parents;
• excessive praise and lack of criticism of the child’s unseemly deeds.

Stages of narcissism

The development of narcissism according to Z. Freud involves 6 stages:

1. The first year of a child’s lifewhen, at his first signal, he is taken care of, fed, swaddled, making the baby feel like the center of the universe. This is primary or healthy narcissism.
2. Second year of life   - all the actions that the child does, the parents look with admiration or scold, feedback is very important. If parents often react angrily, there is a lack of narcissism.
3. Third year of life   - constant admiration for the child and admiration alone (this often happens in single-parent families) nurtures an excess of self-love in the child.
4. Teenage years   - the period when the previously narcissism begins to manifest itself vividly. A teenager concentrates on his body - if it is perfect, then the world around is ideal.
5. Adulthood. Narcissism is still undergoing changes, a person sees himself as the center of the world and everyone around him owes it.
6. Final stage. People with healthy narcissism are not afraid of old age and body changes, but pathological daffodils are very afraid of old age, become depressed, live in the past.

Narcissism is a serious personality dysfunction, which leads to personality disorder, expressed in exceptional narcissism. The term itself originates from the Greek myth of a young beautiful man, whose name was Narcissus, who rejected the love of the nymph Echo. As a result, he fell in love with his own reflection and eventually died of longing, because his reflection could not satisfy him.

Narcissism - Freud

Sigmund Freud argued that some narcissism was an integral part of every person, and was the first in psychology to apply this terminology.

Narcissism - Reasons

The cause of narcissism is an early assessment by parents of their affairs, and in the next life a person begins to evaluate himself. Having achieved success, there is a link to evaluate: I am good. And all subsequent life is set to achieve success. Among such personalities there are a lot of successful people.

Narcissism - Symptoms

Signs of narcissism are negatively colored doubts indicating vanity, selfishness, narcissism. Regarding the personality, they speak of a narcissistic accentuation of character. If we talk about belonging to a social group, then narcissism can mean elitism or a clear expression of indifference to the problems of other people. Communication with the daffodil causes cold and devastation. People with such a person are uncomfortable and they avoid him. But the narcissist loves to engage in narcissism amid them.

However, there are healthy signs of narcissism, which allow the individual to remain successful and harmonious, have healthy ambitions, strive for success, enjoy it, receive satisfaction from the creative process and achieve good results. Such qualities should be made an internal life, a motto if you want to remain successful and harmonious.

The main signs of narcissism include instant devaluation and idealization. Interestingly, for the depreciation of the near arguments for the narcissus, no one is particularly required. Just like for idealization. Idealized by close contact is also not without flaws and instantly depreciates the daffodil. What do the daffodils do next - they seek another object of idealization and devalue it in the same way. Here is such a galloping drive.

Male narcissism

Men daffodils are trying to achieve significance for themselves and in the eyes of others.

Having achieved growth in a career and enriched financially, they satisfy their ambitions. But having reached the desired, joy lasts for five minutes and emptiness fills the soul. The desire of the daffodil grows and begins to want more. Up to 35 years of growing aspirations do not bother the daffodil; there are tasks that he slowly realizes, not seeing the point of suffering. And having reached the 35th summer milestone, they understand that there is no happiness. Such daffodils are not able to build relationships with people, while ruining family relationships, make children suffer from their emotions. And then they begin to understand that they want warmth and understanding. Some, not understanding who they are, begin to go to an appointment with a psychotherapist, while others continue the race further. Such signs of narcissism are often characteristic of men.

Female narcissism

Women are inherent in ambitiousness, difficulty in understanding their own child, the desire for the great, inability to appreciate simplicity and joy. A woman makes her child learn with zeal and meet her expectations, there is no warmth between them, and one bitterness in the relationship.

The mother subconsciously understands that there is no deep connection with the child and she feels guilty, but at the same time, apart from her will, she breaks down on the child.

Such a woman picks up a warm, caring man who will comfort her, stroke her, but she does not respect him, but considers him a rag.

If daffodils are a married couple, then a difficult struggle arises between them: who competes is steeper and faster. They compete in criticism, in causticity, and such relationships are short-lived.

Symptoms of Narcissism

Having understood the existence of a healthy and malignant, unhealthy narcissism, I want to note that the first likes to create and create, while the second suffers and criticizes the imperfection of the world. Such people will either be afraid to complete things, or will strive to do everything perfectly. The desire for perfectionism takes a lot of effort. For this reason, daffodils are able to achieve excellent results or turn into unrecognized geniuses lying on the couch.

Often a narcissistic child grows up with one of these parents. The child tries to meet expectations and shows good results. Narcissistic parents value only successes and achievements in their offspring. The child understands this and earns a positive result for an approving nod from his mother. Over time, the baby understands that I am when there are medals, victories, fives, and so I don’t and I just don’t interest anyone with my personality.

Narcissism - treatment

How to treat narcissism? Growing up, narcissistic personalities turn to psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, extreme sports (skydiving, bungee jumping, etc.) for help. People want to meet with themselves through sensations, through spiritual practices. Of course, this helps, because it makes it possible to understand who the "I" is. Everyone goes their own way.

Love relationships in the lives of such people are very complicated, dramatic and constantly changing one to the other.

The task of the daffodil is to recognize what is hidden in his shadow. And in the shadows hides the impossibility of recognizing oneself as a person with his everydayness and all simplicity. And the worst thing for them is not to be bad, but to be an average person or to be like everyone else.

A simple person lives an ordinary life, enjoys a simple one, the smile of his wife, children, sunrise, sunset, and in this case, achievements are not needed to feel sadness, joy, touching, regret. There are people who have a lot in life, but it wasn’t shivering and was not a super idea, and the narcissist works only for the result.

How to help the daffodil save his achievements? He understands something about himself, and to the end wonders why all this? What is your life spent on? And devalues \u200b\u200ball its achievements, but this is just a form of protection. First, the beloved girl is idealized, and then they quickly devalue her. The same thing happens with what they do. Why is this happening? A narcissist cannot consider himself valuable, this feeling was not laid after birth and the question of value is a definite assessment of achievements.

Therefore, daffodils cannot choose whether to be in a relationship or not. They simply cannot create them. In a couple, daffodils want to do something when they want, and not when they expect it from them. Knowing this, you can adjust family relationships, and not force the daffodil to fulfill your will.

How to get rid of narcissism?

In principle, daffodils are very successful people who have achieved heights in different types of activities. Outwardly, everything is very good with them, but so far they are at the peak of their dreams. The problem with the treatment of narcissism is that the narcissist will never ask for help because of the fear of a mismatch between the supposedly successful one - I, the real empty I. And if the psychotherapist does appear to be a real narcissist, he will deliberately evade his problem of narcissism.

The doctor’s task is to establish the correct diagnosis of the patient and convey to the person that it is very important to always accept people without condemning and not using them, and to love them without idealizing them and, of course, to teach how to express your feelings without shame.