What is empathy - do you need empathy and compassion in life? Three ways to show sincere sympathy.

Kind words of support to a sick person in prose, quotes made by you will only have a positive effect on a loved one.

The necessary attitude for a good treatment is faith in the best. If the prognosis of the development of the disease is uncertain, focus on encouraging signs, life-affirming words, contribute to the improvement of the patient's condition.

"Spiritual strength makes a person invincible." Vasily Alexandrovich Sukhomlinsky

“You will be cured and everything will be fine, the main thing is do not be nervous and do not cry. Stress and depression greatly reduces immunity, which cannot be allowed now, the body is generally capable of self-healing, the main thing is not to put it in the wheel. Despite the difficulties and circumstances, just believe in yourself - in your own strength! I understand that it’s easy to say, but difficult to do, But try. We are all with you, and together we will make every effort to improve the situation with your health. ”

“Now you have a difficult period, you are tense, tired, all this affects your health. Have more rest and gain strength, follow all the doctor’s instructions and think less about the bad. You are the nicest and kindest, everything will pass soon. ”

“Do not be very nervous, hold on! Nerves are all diseases. Your health will certainly recover. Remember that I always support you mentally, and look forward to improving your health status. ”

“Our dear little man! They say that if you strive with all your heart for something, then this will undoubtedly come true. You will definitely be cured! Now medicine is very progressing. "Your family, together with the doctors, will try to do everything possible to restore your health."

“Believe in your recovery, because a good mood and optimism can play an important role. Everything will be fine! It simply cannot be otherwise! ”

“The main thing you think about the good, believe in recovery do not succumb to the disease, fight! It is difficult but you need to hold on! We love you and believe that together we will definitely overcome the disease. ”

“Such a bright and positive person like you will surely be all right! "Try to follow all the advice of doctors, think only about the good dear, because thoughts materialize!"

“Try not to succumb to sadness and despair, anger at the disease, because only a positive mood and strong spirit will drive away your ailment. If you need my help, just let me know, I’ll rush along. ”

“Let it be bad now, but then everything will be fine. Everything will change and the pain will recede. God will give strength to bear everything, do not lose hope hold on. You need to survive, wait, and then everything will get better. We believe in you and will pray for your recovery.»

Quotes and sayings about the disease and recovery

As soon as a person becomes ill, he needs to look in his heart for someone to be forgiven. We must sincerely forgive everyone, without exception, especially ourselves. Suppose we don’t know how to forgive, but we really want to. Each of our thoughts literally creates our future. (quotes by Louise Hay)

You are my dears, all your illnesses are not from your tin: from heat, from tasty food, from rest. Do not be afraid of the cold, it mobilizes, as it is now fashionable to say, the defense of the body. Cold throws a hormone of health into the body. Let everyone ponder what is more important to him - business or small joys. There must be a victory for everything. Man must live in victory; if you don’t get it, you’re worthless on a market day ... Why be treated when you can and should not let the disease into your body! Porfiry Korneevich Ivanov

Do not be sad! Recipes of happiness and a cure for sadness

“We will not help you with grief, and if you have trouble, the best thing you can do is try to adapt to circumstances. I knew a man who had his left arm amputated from his shoulder due to illness. He did not fall into despair and did not grieve over this matter, but showed patience and decided for himself that he should live on despite this test. He married, he had children, he expertly drove the car with one hand and did his work diligently and diligently, without complaining about anything. He lived as if the Most High and created it with one hand. ” Hades al-Karni.

“Avoid those who try to undermine your faith in yourself. This feature is characteristic of “small” people. A great man, on the contrary, inspires you with a feeling that you can become great. ” Mark Twain

A disease is a cross, but perhaps also a support. It would be ideal to take her strength and reject weaknesses. Let it become a refuge that gives strength at the right time. And if you need to pay suffering and renunciation, we will pay. Camus A.

Hope to recover is half the recovery. Voltaire

Just as it is impossible to start treating the eye without thinking about the head, or treating the head without thinking about the whole body, it is also impossible to treat the body without healing the soul. Socrates

If an egg is broken by force from outside, life ends. If the egg is broken by force from within, life begins. All great things always begin from within.

Life sometimes beats us, which, of course, is very unpleasant, but the day will come when you will understand that you are not a victim, but a fighter that will cope with all your troubles. Brooke davis

Truly strong is the one who defeated himself. Victory over oneself is a victory in which there are no losers, because the force that commanded you against your own will becomes a subjugated force.

Mix your sorrows with the sorrows of the whole world, and you will have fewer sorrows. Yakov Abramovich Kozlovsky

Your determination not to give up will allow you not to break even when everything collapses.

Everything is in our hands, so they can not be omitted. Coco Chanel

When running water meets an obstacle in its path, it stops, increases its volume and strength, and then overflows through the obstacle. Follow the example of water: stop and increase your strength until the obstacle no longer interferes with your path. I ching

Nothing is impossible, everything that you can imagine is possible!

Not a single desire is given to a person separately from the force that allows him to fulfill. Richard Bach.

You can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it.

It doesn’t matter that you walk slowly ... the main thing is do not stop.

Section topic: words of approval of support for a sick person in prose, quotes, statements for men and women. And remember, hormones of happiness (endorphins) are formed in the brain when a person rejoices, laughs. Thus, they strengthen the immune system, improve the properties and composition of the blood, change the endocrine status of the body, relieve stress, and help recovery!
"The only doctor who believes that everything is in order is working at the military commissariat."

And which ones are not worth it? the site will tell you how to provide moral support to a person in a difficult situation.

Grief is a person’s reaction that occurs as a result of any loss, for example, after the death of a loved one.

4 stages of experiencing grief

A person experiencing grief goes through 4 stages:

Shock phase. Lasts from a few seconds to several weeks. It is characterized by disbelief in everything that happens, insensibility, low mobility with periods of hyperactivity, loss of appetite, and problems with sleep.
Phase of suffering. Lasts from 6 to 7 weeks. It is characterized by weakened attention, inability to concentrate, impaired memory, sleep. Also, a person experiences constant anxiety, a desire to retire, lethargy. Stomach pain and a sensation of a lump in the throat may occur. If a person experiences the death of a loved one, then during this period he can idealize the deceased or, on the contrary, feel anger, rage, irritation or guilt towards him.
Adoption phase ends a year after the loss of a loved one. It is characterized by the restoration of sleep and appetite, the ability to plan their activities taking into account the loss. Sometimes a person still continues to suffer, but seizures happen less and less.
Recovery phase begins a year and a half later, grief is replaced by sadness and a person begins to take a calmer attitude towards loss.

Do I need to console a person? Sure, yes. If the victim is not helped, then this can lead to infectious, heart diseases, alcoholism, accidents, and depression. Psychological help is priceless, so support your loved one as you can. Interact with him, communicate. Even if it seems to you that a person is not listening to you or does not show attention, do not worry. The time will come, and he will gratefully recall you.

Should unfamiliar people be comforted? If you feel enough moral strength and desire to help, do it. If a person does not push you away, does not run away, does not shout, it means that you are doing everything right. If you are not sure that you can comfort the victim, find someone who can do this.

Is there any difference in the comfort of acquaintances and unfamiliar people? In fact, no. The only difference is that one person you know more, the other less. Once again, if you feel the strength in yourself, then help. Stay close, talk, engage in common activities. Do not be greedy for help, it is never superfluous.

So, we will consider methods of psychological support in the two most difficult stages of experiencing grief.

Shock phase

Your behavior:

Do not leave a person alone with you.
Unobtrusively touch the victim. You can take it by the hand, put your hand on the shoulder, relatives can be stroked on the head, hug. Watch the reaction of the victim. Does it accept your touch, does it repel it? If it repels, do not force yourself, but do not leave.
Make sure that the comforted person rests more, does not forget about meals.
Engage the victim in uncomplicated activities, such as some kind of funeral arrangement work.
Listen actively. A person can say strange things, repeat, lose the thread of the story, now and then return to emotional experiences. Give up tips and tricks. Listen carefully, ask clarifying questions, talk about how you understand him. Help the victim simply speak out their feelings and pain - he will immediately feel better.

Your words:

Talk about the past tense.
If you know the deceased, tell us something good about him.

You can not say:

“One cannot recover from such a loss”, “Only time heals”, “You are strong, be strong”. These phrases can cause additional suffering to a person and increase his loneliness.
“To the whole will of God” (helps only deeply religious people), “Unleashed”, “He will be better there”, “Forget about it”. Such phrases can seriously injure the victim, because they sound like a hint to temper your feelings, not to experience them, or even forget about your grief.
"You are young, beautiful, you will still marry / give birth to a child." Such phrases can cause irritation. A person experiences a loss in the present; he has not yet recovered from it. And they offer him a dream.
“Now, if the ambulance arrived on time,” “Now, if the doctors paid more attention to her,” “Now, if I hadn’t let him go.” These phrases are empty and do not carry any good in themselves. Firstly, history does not tolerate the subjunctive mood, and secondly, such expressions only increase the bitterness of loss.

Phase of suffering

Your behavior:

In this phase, the victim can already be given the opportunity to be alone from time to time.
Give the victim more water. He should drink up to 2 liters per day.
Organize physical activity for him. For example, take him for a walk, do physical housework.
If the victim wants to cry, do not stop him from doing this. Help him cry. Do not hold back your emotions - cry with him.
If you are angry - do not bother.

Your words:

How to console a person: the right words

If your ward wants to talk about the dead, bring the conversation into the realm of feelings: “You are very sad / lonely”, “You are very confused”, “You cannot describe your feelings.” Tell us how you feel.
Say that this suffering is not forever. And loss is not a punishment, but part of life.
Do not avoid talking about the dead if there are people in the room who are extremely experiencing this loss. The tactful avoidance of these topics hurts more than the mention of the tragedy.

You can not say:

“Stop crying, pull yourself together”, “Stop suffering, everything has passed” - this is tactless and harmful to psychological health.
"And someone is worse than you." Such topics can help in a situation of divorce, separation, but not the death of a loved one. You cannot compare the grief of one person with the grief of another. Conversations leading to comparisons can give people the impression that you don't give a damn about his feelings.

It makes no sense to say to the victim: “If you need help, contact me / call me” or ask him “How can I help you?” A person experiencing grief may simply not have the strength to pick up the phone, call and ask for help. He may also forget about your offer.

To prevent this from happening, come and sit with him. As soon as the grief subsides a little - take him for a walk, take him to the store or to the cinema. Sometimes this should be done by force. Do not be afraid to seem intrusive. Time will pass and he will appreciate your help.

How to support a person if you are far away?

Call him. If he doesn’t answer, leave a message on the answering machine, write sms or e-mail. Express your condolences, communicate your feelings, share memories that characterize the departed from the brightest sides.

Remember that helping a person to survive grief is necessary, especially if it is a person close to you. In addition, this will help to survive the loss not only to him. If the loss has affected you, helping another, you yourself will be able to survive the grief easier, with less loss for your own mental state. And also it will relieve you of guilt - you will not reproach yourself for what you could help, but did not, dismissing other people's troubles and problems.

Compassion for someone means that you both feel empathy in your soul and express it. Understanding someone else's suffering can help you feel great sympathy for the person. From here you will need to act with all sincerity and delicacy if you really want to express all your compassion that you experience.

Steps

Part 1

How to feel compassion

Examine the situation. Showing empathy for a person in need can be easier when you know what he / she has to deal with.

Ask the sufferer to explain what he / she went through. But don't push too hard. For example, you can say something like “if you want to talk about what happened, I will be next to all the willingness to listen to you and find out what you had to go through.”
You can also feel the situation in more general terms. For example, if your loved one has been diagnosed with depression, you can read articles or books about the disease to understand how it works.

Do not turn away. When another person is ill, do not ignore his pain and do not turn away from him. To get started, study this pain. This will allow you to feel more sincere compassion for the person who is experiencing it.
- The suffering of a loved one gives people a lot of inconvenience, so sometimes the easiest way out is for you to simply close your eyes to them. But instead of avoiding discomfort, let him inspire you to take actions that will help eliminate the suffering of a loved one that caused you these feelings of discomfort.
Put yourself in the place of another. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were in his / her place. You may not be able to get a complete picture, but even a slight immersion in the difficult situation of another person can awaken a feeling of deep sympathy in you.
- If you have never been through the same thing, recall a similar experience to try to imagine all the sadness that a person experiences.
- For example, you may not know what it means to lose a wife, parent, child or relative. Therefore, it may be difficult for you to show empathy for the person who survived the death of a loved one. Think about the time when you experienced losses, even if they were not so serious, for example, moving your best friend / girlfriend to another country, breaking up or divorcing, and imagine how you would feel if this feeling of loss would be ten times stronger.
What do you feel deep down. Depending on the circumstances, a suffering person can sometimes be frustrated with you at times when he is especially ill. You should not tolerate such manifestations of insult in your direction, but remember that sometimes this person may not have anything personal in relation to you.
- Remember that the pain of your loved ones lies in themselves, and not in you. If your attempts to calm him / her are unsuccessful, do not be discouraged by this.
- But this, of course, does not mean that in this way you should ignore your own emotional needs. If in response you receive nothing but verbal abuse, you may need to take a step back to maintain the health of your own psyche. If you have to do this, do it without any charge or pain.
Understand the difference between empathy and empathy. Empathy allows you to feel compassion and support the person, while empathy helps you understand and share human misfortune.
- You can empathize without a sense of understanding. If you have never had to go through what your loved one has to face or you are wondering why someone is killing so badly because of an event not so important in your opinion, do not worry about this. You just lack understanding, not sympathy.
- If you cannot understand or feel all the grief that your loved one is experiencing, you can still admit that it exists and grow a desire to support your loved one at this difficult moment of his / her life. As long as you can do this, technically you will show sympathy for the suffering person.
Part 2
How to express compassion
1. Recognize the complexity of the situation. Express your recognition of his / her pain to the other person. You may not understand the whole soreness of the situation, but a simple acknowledgment of the existence of this pain can show your support.
  - In general, almost any phrase expressing support and recognition of an existing misfortune can be helpful. Consider any of the following:
    - “I'm sorry it happened”
    - “I think / pray for you”
    - “All this must be incredibly difficult for you.”
2. Never ease the pain. Understand when it hurts, then it hurts. If we say that the situation is not so painful as to be so upset, then a suffering person can only feel worse.
  - Do not say things like, "I know how you feel." Each person is unhappy in his own way, and speaking as if what a person is experiencing is a trifle can cause a feeling of even greater bitterness in the sufferer and subsequent withdrawal into himself.
  - Similarly, avoid expressions such as: "you will feel better soon" or "this is not a big problem." It may seem to you that you are encouraging the other person to be patient, but by criticizing the pain of another person or putting pressure on him to feel better, you can do more harm than good.
3. Express your support in clear language. Directly express your desire to support someone who is experiencing stress. Do not say what you do not mean, but do not let the other person remain unaware of your sympathy for him / her.
4. Refuse banal phrases. There are times when the only thing you can say will sound nothing more than cliche, and that's fine. On the other hand, in some moments, you need not to abandon these cliches and say something a little more personal.
  Be close. Do not avoid the other person and resist any of his / her attempts to get rid of you. Stay close to another person while he / she has to go through this mess so that he or she can feel your sincerity.
  - However, if your loved one needs to be alone for some time, do not force your company on him or her. Say that you respect his or her desire to be alone with yourself, but before you leave, make sure that the other side knows that you are ready to return as soon as necessary. Also, check periodically just in case, suddenly such a need arose, and your loved one is ashamed or awkward to call you.
5. React. When the sufferer speaks to you, respond to his / her appeal. Do not ignore the cry for help, even if this happens at the wrong time.
  - No matter how it may look from the side, when someone addresses you, this person is looking for a connection. If your loved one does not want to contact you, he or she will remain silent.
  - React as positively as possible. Be sincere and take the necessary time to listen and accept the emotions that your loved one exposes in front of you.
6. Offer specific help. Supporting by deeds is as important as speaking words of support. Instead of offering help in general terms, it would be much better to offer your help in something specific.
  - Avoid common phrases such as “call me if you need anything.” You may be sincere, but vague statements like this suggest that the sufferer needs to contact you, which, for some reason, can sometimes be difficult for her / him.
  - Instead, the best option would be to say something like: “I can look after the children, walk with you, bring you food and so on.” Offer specific help and a few days later, call them and ask when they are comfortable.
  - There are many specific things you can offer as an aid. You can clean the house, cook food, look after the children or offer help in any other ordinary household situation during difficult times. On the other hand, you can also show your support by simply offering to spend time together playing or watching a movie.
  - No matter what you want to do, make sure the other side is open to your help. Do not impose your goodwill on those who would rather spend some time alone with themselves.
7. Use the power of touch. Touch is a powerful tool used to express love and support. If necessary, express support in the form of a hug or a normal touch.
  - Touch uses tangible meaning to express support. Touching a person, you express a comprehensive message of support, both physical and psychological.
  - Expressing compassion for your loved one, you can use the touch in the form of a hug, kiss, pat on the head or squeeze your hand.
  - Expression of sympathy for a friend or relatively stranger, patting on the shoulder will be appropriate. However, any more personal physical contact on your part can make the other side feel uncomfortable.
8. Know your limits. You will probably not be able to fix the problem of another person. Think about what real feasible help you can provide and try not to despair about things that you cannot do for another person.
  - It also means being aware of your emotional limits. Support your loved ones, but do not let your desire to support him or her absorb your own life. If you are completely aware of yourself, you cannot help anyone.

Empathy is the ability of a person to feel the sadness, suffering, sadness of others, to live the grief that other people experience. The ability to sympathize with someone else’s grief helps a person to be more pleasant for communication and to establish relationships with others. A sympathetic person is able to provide support, cheer, calm, and this at the same time becomes an incentive for someone to start looking for a solution to the problem. If the individual is characterized by sympathy and compassion, it is easy to establish contact with him, such people usually do not evaluate or criticize actions or beliefs, these people are simply ready to devote some of their time and attention to you during the necessary period of life.

What is empathy

We learn empathy from infancy, most often copying the behavior of parents and close relatives. It is very important to show the child ways to express sympathy. If the baby is used to having sympathy and support after any failure, he will also prove himself as an adult.

Buddhism reveals the phenomenon of empathy and compassion as a thirst to free others from suffering. Buddhists believe that human nature is compassion, love, and kindness. To express sympathy, humanity also needs wisdom.

An interesting look at empathy was described by David Myers in Social Psychology, where the author gives a psychological description of empathy. Any exciting situation in the life of someone perhaps awakens in our so-called.

Myers took three factors as a basis for sympathetic expression of feelings. Firstly, responding with sympathy to the oppressed state of mind of a person, our psyche unknowingly reduces its distress to nothing and removes the internal sense of guilt. Myers called it veiled. Secondly, sympathizing, we can, distracting from our experiences, switch to the experiences of others. Thirdly, the generally accepted rules push us to express sympathy. By rules are meant the expectations of society, which dictate specific behavior and emotional reaction. It can be described as tact, good breeding and humanity.

The ability to sympathize with others is a key feature in the character of a practicing psychologist. Karl Rogers believed that without this quality the work of a psychologist would be impossible. He describes that empathy (empathy, empathy) is a fundamental feature of a therapist in a therapeutic relationship with a patient, and a basic requirement for personal changes in the client himself. The characterization of Rogers sympathy was as follows: the phenomenon is a complex process, including awareness of the role, experiences and principles of the individual. However, one must be aware that this is not a primitive recognition of human experiences, as well as the ability to go beyond the boundaries of the situation in time and evaluate it from a new perspective.

Empathy and compassion are very often used as synonyms, but you can describe the difference in these terms as follows: compassion is a feeling of sadness, and empathy is a state of mind that can bring a sense of joy to life.

What is more important empathy or real help

Have you ever faced the question: how to help a loved one? Listen to and provide moral support or throw all your resources to resolve the difficulty? It is impossible to categorically give an answer to this question, you should start from the circumstances, conditions and the person who addressed you. For one, a financial problem is only a temporary difficulty, for another a complete disaster! Therefore, providing support should be given the characteristics and characteristics of a person. Regarding your direct participation, there are big risks here, solving problems for loved ones, you put the obligations for their lives on your personal account. Subsequently, he will lose the incentive for a solution on his own, and at the first difficulties he will simply look for who will find a solution again instead. Also, your sincere help will not be appreciated and as a result there will be more complaints and reproaches to you than thanks that you deserve. Compassion is a little different. When a man spoke out, shared with you moments that bothered him or upset him, felt that he was understood and supported, he had resources open for further movement. Having also discussed the problem with loved ones, you can find a solution where it was not even considered before. But if one plunges too much into the problems of others, then we begin to live a strange life, while depreciating our own. The main thing to realize is that empathy and compassion are wonderful, but how do we deal with our own questions? Do not lose sight of the fact that everyone is responsible for the outcome of decisions and actions taken. Protect yourself from the burden of other people's problems.

Do not rush to improve someone else's life, listen, help a person not to keep everything in himself, because sometimes even silent participation is enough to help.

Do I need to learn empathy

Empathy and compassion border on such human traits as - responsiveness, empathy and other positive qualities that have an impact on the formation of a full-fledged personality. Everyone wants to see people capable of good, disinterested and sincere actions, can this be without sympathy? From childhood, we learn to respect the elders, help parents, we are taught that it is necessary to protect and care for weak animals, without compassion it is impossible to do this.

Try to explain to the child that everyone around them feels pain and resentment, discuss their feelings, together with the child, each feeling can be given its own color, it will be interesting both for the baby and you. If a disagreement arises, it is worth discussing why this is so and what the participants are experiencing. The parental home should be filled with an atmosphere of peace and tranquility. If the child has shown to you or others, ask what exactly caused it, how it is possible to change this situation. A child who has been instilled with sympathy and compassion from childhood will not be rude to animals, offend younger ones and generally prove his innocence with his fists. Explain to the child that expressing sympathy is not a manifestation of weakness, but an indicator of proper education. If you show how sympathy can be expressed, then in the future the baby will first of all take care of the feelings of others, and will seek a way out without resorting to. Books can be a great way to raise compassion and sympathy in a child. In all fairy tales there are characters who experience the whole gamut of emotions: anger, compassion and sympathy. Going on a journey with his beloved heroes, the child will learn to show kindness. All children from birth are filled with love for the world, and the task of parents is to develop a positive attitude further, and not allow it to give way to anger and aggression.

Having matured, we encounter cruelty, which is explained by the fact that sympathy is not peculiar to individuals. It is hard to contact people of this nature, they are rude, selfish and do not spare the feelings of others. Very often, the root of the problem just goes into childhood, they did not have an example of a parent who would show how to express sympathy (in many cases, such people are clamped and emotionally closed). Such personalities are avoided and try to keep at a distance. But you can help deal with this by showing that empathy and compassion is the norm. The suppressed accumulate within us and can be harmful to our health. To achieve peace of mind, peace and harmony with yourself and the world, do not be afraid to show your emotions. Sympathize with the troubles and failures of loved ones, support them and motivate you to continue to move only forward, not letting the bad take up, help people open their lives to all the good that lies ahead!

Hearing

The main thing is to give a person a chance to talk. Do not be afraid of the flow of revelations and panic: no one requires you to be vigorous and immediately solve all problems. Questions, advice and universal wisdom are also better left for later: at this stage, a person just needs to know that he is not alone, that he is heard, he is genuinely sympathetic.

To listen does not mean to stand idle and remain silent until the end of the monologue. This behavior is more like indifference. It is possible and even necessary to show “signs of life” in order to console a loved one: say “Yes,” “I understand you,” sometimes repeating words or phrases that seemed key — all this will show that you really care. But at the same time it will help to gather your thoughts: to the interlocutor, and, by the way, to you herself.

It's a gesture

There is a simple set of gestures to help sympathizers. An open posture (without arms crossed on the chest), a slightly bowed head (preferably on the same level as the head of the person you are listening to), understanding nods, an approving grunt to the beat of the conversation, and open palms are subconsciously perceived as a sign of attention and participation. When it comes to a loved one with whom you are used to maintaining bodily contact, soothing touches and stroking will not hurt. If the speaker becomes hysterical, and this also often happens, then one of the options to calm him is to hug him tightly. By this you will inform him: I’m close, I accept you, you are safe.

It is better not to experiment with unfamiliar people in relation to bodily contact: firstly, you yourself may feel awkward; secondly, a person with a rigid personal space can be repelled by such behavior. It is also worth being very careful if you are facing a victim of physical abuse.

No change

You can not focus on stress, many of us believe. “Pull yourself together!”, “Find a reason for joy” - this is the standard set of phrases that drives into our heads the culture of global positivity and ease of being. Alas, all these settings in 90 cases out of 100 give the opposite effect and do not help to comfort a person with words. Having sacredly believed that it is necessary to look for advantages in everything, we learn not to work on the problem, but to overwhelm it with a mass of conditionally positive experiences. As a result, the problem does not disappear anywhere, and getting back to it and trying to solve it is getting harder and harder every day.

If a person constantly returns to the same topic, then stress still makes itself felt. Let him talk as much as necessary (provided that you yourself can withstand this process). See that it got easier? Fine. You can slowly change the topic.

If specifically

What words can comfort a person? Often in trouble, he feels himself a social outcast - it seems to him that his misfortunes are unique and nobody cares about his experiences. The phrase “Can I help you with something?” Seems banal and bland, but nevertheless it shows your readiness to share the problem and be in the same boat with the victim. And it’s even better to offer something specific: “Do you want me to come to you right now and we will discuss everything?”, “Dictate the list of necessities - I will bring them during the day”, “Now I’ll call all the lawyers I know (doctors, psychologists) they will advise what "or just" Come at any time. " And even if the answer is irritated grumbling in the style of “No need, I’ll figure it out myself,” the very desire to help will have a positive effect.

Help should be offered only if you are really ready for feats, a waste of time, money and emotions. Do not overestimate your strength, promising that which you are not able to do, in the end it will turn out only worse.

Supervised

Assurances such as “Do not touch me, leave me alone, I want to be alone” often say not so much about wanting to cope with the situation alone, but about excessive obsession with the problem and, unfortunately, a state close to panic. Therefore, leaving alone for a long time is strongly not recommended. Unless for a very limited period of time, while being close and holding his hand on the pulse.

Often the mood of "withdrawing into oneself" provokes the excessive curiosity of others, sometimes even not at all close to them, their excessive pity, patronizing attitude. Nobody likes it. Therefore, when you see someone in front of you in such a state, you should moderate the level of your feelings and sympathy (at least external) and make it clear that you are not going to teach him life or crush authority, but you really want to help.

He she

We are used to believing that a woman is an emotionally unstable creature and is always prone to hysterical reactions, and a man is strong and resistant by default, therefore, he is able to cope with stress alone. However, this is not entirely true.

Recent studies by scientists show that a socially isolated man tolerates stress much worse than a woman left alone: \u200b\u200bhe is more prone to withdrawal and depression (and in girls in force majeure situations, even immunity increases!). And the problem that we, the emotional ones, will survive and still forget, can torment the male brain for a long time. Psychologists believe that such a protracted reaction is a consequence of the fact that boys are taught from childhood to remain silent and to monitor their reputation more than the state of psychological comfort.

A man needs consolation, but actions rather than words will bring him. How to console a loved one? Your arrival, a delicious dinner, an unobtrusive attempt to stir things up will work much better than verbal confessions. In addition, the active behavior of someone nearby brings men to their senses. And let me know that he doesn’t hurt to talk out and you don’t see anything wrong with that.

Helping Rescuers

Sometimes we are so keen on saving the drowning people that it becomes an obsession. Which, incidentally, the victim himself condones: accustomed to your willingness to listen, he, without realizing it, turns into your personal energy vampire and begins to dump all negative emotions on your fragile shoulders. If this goes on for too long, soon you will need help yourself.

By the way, for some people the opportunity to help someone turns into a way to get away from their own problems. This categorically should not be allowed - sooner or later there is a risk itself to come to a full-fledged nervous breakdown.

If after long and, as you think, therapeutic conversations you feel squeezed like a lemon, fatigue, sleep disturbances, irritability appear - it’s worth a bit to slow down. In this state, you are unlikely to help anyone, but you can harm yourself easily.

Depression

We like to use the diagnosis of depression with or without. And although only a specialist can diagnose this disease, there are still common signs, the manifestation of which urgently needs to be sought for qualified help. It:

Apathy, sadness, the prevalence of a bad mood;

Fatigue, motor inhibition, or, conversely, nervous fussiness;

Slowing down speech, long pauses, freezing in place;

Decreased attention span;

Loss of interest in familiarly joyful things and events;

Loss of appetite;

Insomnia;

Decreased sexual desire.

At least a couple of symptoms from the above - and you really should look for a good psychotherapist for the victim.

Text: Daria Zelentsova