What is passive aggression and how to overcome it. How does passive aggression manifest

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Passive aggressive behavior

Passive-aggressive behavior - these are actions that express anger, but look like unintentional mistakes for the person himself. Usually passively-aggressive people behave who, by virtue of their beliefs or education, cannot express anger at another person or refuse him something .

An example of passive-aggressive behavior: the parent asked the child to clean the floors, and the child does not want to do this. He can’t refuse, therefore he washes the floors, but so badly that the parent has to wash them. In this case, the purpose of this behavior is to prevent the parents from asking the child to clean the floors. In addition, the child may already be angry with her parents for something, so it gives him particular pleasure to watch how the parent is angry and washes the floors himself.

One more example. The girl is angry with her young man for not offering her to marry, but cannot express her anger, since she believes that the girl should not be imposed. She can make a mess at home, knowing that the guy really values \u200b\u200border, or be late all the time, knowing how important punctuality is for him.

If a passive-aggressive person refuses, expresses anger or revenge intentionally, he will experience a strong sense of guilt, because he believes that doing so is not good. However, if he does something bad, not intentionally, but by accident, then he is rarely angry at him because he is not to blame. When there is a ban on the expression of negative emotions, they still somehow manifest themselves in behavior: either in irritated intonation, or in the form of passive-aggressive behavior.

What are passive-aggressive actions? One of the most frequent passive-aggressive actions is to forget something important for another person, for example, to buy some product without which another person cannot eat, or to forget papers important for this person. Constant delays of 20-40 minutes, with which a person is simply completely unable to do anything, is also an example of passive aggression.

The unconscious goal of passive aggression is to avenge another person for something, most often for his inability to say no when this person asks for something. A passive-aggressive person first agrees to do something unpleasant for himself, is unable to refuse, and then takes revenge and watches how the other person is upset or angry, and receives unconscious satisfaction from the fact that he is punished.

The second goal is to avoid punishment for revenge. If we commit acts that cause anger in other people, then we are punished for this in the form of their discontent, retaliatory anger or refusal of any actions we need. Passive-aggressive type of behavior is usually not considered by other people as intentional, and therefore as a result of it it is possible to escape from immediate reckoning, although the relationship gradually deteriorates, since the other person is still angry at such actions and begins to avoid communication.

If you communicate with a passive-aggressive person and cannot stop communicating with her, then I advise you to ensure that the second goal of such behavior is not realized. When you are angry about something in the behavior of another person, express your irritation, insist that such behavior stop; say that it doesn’t matter to you if you accidentally do this or on purpose.

You cannot force the other person to do otherwise, but you can help to make them aware of the purpose of such actions. Most often in this case, a person stops doing this if relations with you are important to him and if he has reason to think that such actions will affect your communication.

Find and reveal the causes of passive-aggressive actions, for example, say: “It seems to me that you didn’t want to do this for me, but you didn’t say“ no ”to me, but now you forgot this and thus avenged me.” Usually, unconscious manipulations cannot be performed further if a person begins to understand that he is taking revenge. Such awareness can happen if you connect several times what could upset a person and what he “accidentally” did.

Character. Meanwhile, he has a number of distinguishing features. Let us further consider how passive aggression is manifested.

General information

Passive-aggressive personality type is characterized by a pronounced resistance to external requirements. As a rule, this is evidenced by obstructive and oppositional actions. Passive-aggressive type of behavior is expressed in delay, low quality of work, "forgetting" of obligations. Often do not meet generally accepted standards. Moreover, a passive-aggressive person resists the need to follow standards. Of course, these characteristics can be observed in other people. But with passive aggression, they become a model of behavior, a pattern. Despite the fact that this form of interaction is not considered the best, it is not too dysfunctional, but until then, until it becomes a pattern of life that impedes the achievement of goals.

Passive-aggressive person: features

People in this category try not to be pushy. They believe that direct confrontation is dangerous. By conducting a personality type test, you can identify the characteristic features of behavior. In particular, people in this category consider confrontation to be one of the ways outsiders interfere in their affairs and control. When addressing such a person with a request that he does not want to fulfill, the combination of indignation with existing external requirements and lack of self-confidence causes a reaction in a provocative manner. Passive-aggressive way of communication does not imply the creation of the possibility of failure. People in this category are also outraged by obligations at school or at work. In general, those who are vested with power are seen as prone to injustice and arbitrariness. Accordingly, as a rule, they blame others for their problems. Such people cannot understand that they create difficulties by their own behavior. Researchers note that, among other things, a passive-aggressive person is easily amenable to a change of mood and tend to pessimistic about what is happening. Such people focus on everything negative.

Personality test

The total pattern of resistance to standards in the professional and social spheres arises in early adulthood. It is expressed in different contexts. Passive aggression is indicated by a number of signs. Person:

History reference

Passive-aggressive behavior has been described for a long time. However, before the Second World War this concept was not used. In 1945, the War Department described the "immature reaction" as a response to the "usual military stress situation." It manifested itself in inadequacy or helplessness, passivity, outbreaks of aggression, obstructionism. In 1949, the term was present in the US Army Technical Bulletin to describe soldiers who had this pattern.

Classification

In DSM-I, the reaction was divided into three categories: passively aggressive, passively dependent and aggressive. The second was characterized by helplessness, a tendency to hold on to those around him, indecision. The first and third categories were distinguished by the reaction of people to frustration (inability to satisfy any need). The aggressive type, in a number of aspects having signs of antisocial, is irritated. His behavior is destructive. A passive-aggressive person makes a displeased face, stubbornly, begins to slow down the work, reduce its effectiveness. In DSM-II, this behavior is categorized. At the same time, aggressive and passive-dependent types are included in the group of "other disorders".

Clinical and experimental data

Despite the fact that the passive-aggressive style of behavior remains poorly understood today, at least two works set out its key characteristics. So, Kening, Trossman and Whitman examined 400 patients. They found that the most common diagnosis was precisely passive-aggressive. Moreover, 23% showed signs of a dependent category. 19% of patients fully corresponded to the passive-aggressive type. In addition, the researchers found that PARL was observed in women half as often as in men. The traditional symptomatic picture included anxiety and depression (41% and 25%, respectively). In passive-aggressive and dependent types, open indignation was suppressed by fear of punishment or guilt. Studies have also been conducted by Moore, Alig, and Resins. They studied 100 patients with a diagnosis of passive-aggressive disorder after 7 and 15 years during the treatment period in the hospital. Scientists have found that problems in social behavior and interpersonal relationships, along with somatic and emotional complaints, were the main symptoms. Researchers have also found that a significant proportion of patients suffer from depression and alcohol abuse.

Automatic thoughts

The conclusions that people with PASS make are reflected in their negativity, isolation, and desire to choose the path of least resistance. For example, any requests are considered as a manifestation of exactingness and importunity. The man’s reaction is that he automatically resists instead of analyzing his desire. The patient is characterized by the belief that others are trying to use it, and if he allows it, it will become a jerk. This form of negativity applies to all thinking. The patient seeks a negative interpretation of most of the events. This applies even to positive and neutral phenomena. This manifestation distinguishes a passively aggressive person from a patient in depression. In the latter case, people focus on self-condemnation or negative thoughts about the future surrounding. A passive-aggressive individual believes that others are trying to establish control over them without appreciating them. If a person receives a negative reaction in return, then he assumes that he was again misunderstood. Automatic thoughts indicate irritation that appears in patients. They often insist that everything should go according to a certain pattern. Such unreasonable requirements contribute to a decrease in resistance to frustration.

Typical Installations

The behavior of patients with PASS expresses their cognitive patterns. Procrastination, poor quality of work are caused by indignation at the need to fulfill duties. A person is determined that he has to do what he does not want. The attitude regarding delay is to follow the path of minimum resistance. For example, a person begins to believe that the matter can be postponed until later. Faced with the adverse consequences of failure to perform duties, he expresses dissatisfaction with others who have power. It can manifest itself in a flash of anger, but most likely passive methods of revenge will be used. For example, sabotage. In psychotherapy, behavior may be accompanied by a refusal to cooperate in treatment.

Emotions

For patients with PARL, the usual conditions will be irritation and the circumstance is understandable, since people believe that they are required to comply with arbitrary standards, they are underestimated or misunderstood. Patients often fail to achieve their goals in the professional sphere, as well as in their personal lives. They are not able to understand how their behavior and existing attitudes influence the difficulties that they have. This leads to further irritation and dissatisfaction, as they again believe that circumstances are to blame. Patients' emotions are largely determined by their vulnerability to external control and the interpretation of requests as a desire to limit their freedom. When interacting with others, they constantly wait for the presentation of requirements and, accordingly, resist.

Prerequisites for Therapy

The main reason for patients asking for help is the complaints of others that these people do not live up to expectations. As a rule, co-workers or spouses turn to psychotherapists. Complaints of the latter are related to patients' reluctance to provide assistance in household chores. Therapists often turn to psychotherapists, dissatisfied with the quality of work performed by subordinates. Another reason for visiting a doctor is depression. The development of this condition is caused by a chronic lack of encouragement in both the professional sphere and in personal life. For example, following the path of minimal resistance, constant dissatisfaction with the requirements can cause a person to believe that he does not succeed.

Considering the environment as a source of control also leads to the formation of a negative attitude towards the world as a whole. If circumstances arise in which patients of a passive-aggressive type, seeking independence and appreciating the freedom of their own actions, begin to believe that others are interfering in their affairs, they may develop a severe form of depression.

Passive-aggressive personality type is characterized by a pronounced resistance to external requirements. As a rule, this is evidenced by obstructive and oppositional actions.

Passive-aggressive type of behavior is expressed in delay, “forgetting” of obligations, sabotage.

Often, people's actions do not meet generally accepted standards. Moreover, a passive-aggressive person resists the need to follow standards. Of course, these characteristics can be observed in other people. But with passive aggression, they become a model of behavior, a pattern. Despite the fact that this form of interaction is not considered the best, it is not too dysfunctional, but until then, until it becomes a pattern of life that impedes the achievement of goals.

Features of a passive-aggressive personality

As a rule, they blame others for their problems.

Researchers note that, among other things, a passive-aggressive person is easily amenable to a change of mood and is inclined to pessimistically perceive what is happening. Such people focus on everything negative.

Diagnosis and classification

In DSM-III, at least 5 of the following symptoms should be present for diagnosis (301.84):

postpones work (the person does not do what is needed to complete the work on time);
becomes gloomy and gloomy, irritable, or begins to argue when asked to do what he does not want to do;
does not fulfill obligations, referring to "forgetfulness";
indignant / resentful of the useful advice of others aimed at increasing the productivity of his work;
unreasonably criticizes or despises people endowed with power;
believes that he does a much better job than others evaluate it;
works deliberately slowly or poorly with tasks that he really does not want to do;
alleges that others make unreasonable demands on him;
impedes the efforts of others due to non-fulfillment of their part of the work.

Behavior in passive-aggressive personality disorder, although it has an outward resemblance to borderline and hysterical, is less emotional, less aggressive, less dramatic and spectacular.

In ICD-10, passive-aggressive personality disorder is included in the rubric “other specific personality disorders” (F60.8).

In DSM-IV and DSM-IV-TR, passive-aggressive personality disorder disappeared as a separate diagnosis, and for its coding, the manual prescribes the use of the rubric “personality disorder without further elaboration” (301.9), as well as “negative personality disorder”.

Clinical and experimental data

Despite the fact that the passive-aggressive style of behavior remains poorly understood today, at least two works set out its key characteristics. So, Kening, Trossman and Whitman examined 400 patients. They found that the most common diagnosis was precisely passive-aggressive. Moreover, 23% showed signs of a dependent category. 19% of patients fully corresponded to the passive-aggressive type. In addition, the researchers found that PALR is observed in women half as often as in men. The traditional symptomatic picture included anxiety and depression (41% and 25%, respectively). Passive-aggressive and dependent types of open indignation were suppressed by fear of punishment, or a sense of guilt. Studies have also been conducted by Moore, Alig, and Resins. They studied 100 patients with a diagnosis of passive-aggressive disorder after 7 and 15 years during the treatment period in the hospital. Scientists have found that problems in social behavior and interpersonal relationships along with somatic and emotional complaints were the main symptoms. Researchers have also found that a significant proportion of patients suffer from depression and alcohol abuse.

Automatic thoughts

The conclusions that people with PALR draw reflect their negativity, isolation, and desire to choose the path of least resistance. For example, any requests are considered as a manifestation of exactingness and importunity. The man’s reaction is that he automatically resists instead of analyzing his desire. The patient is characterized by the belief that others are trying to use it, and if he allows it, it will become a jerk. This form of negativity extends to all thinking. The patient seeks a negative interpretation of most of the events. This applies even to positive and neutral phenomena. This manifestation distinguishes a passively aggressive person from a patient in depression. In the latter case, people focus on self-condemnation or negative thoughts about the future surrounding. A passive-aggressive individual believes that others are trying to establish control over him without appreciating him. If a person receives a negative reaction in return, then he assumes that he was again misunderstood. Automatic thoughts indicate irritation that appears in patients. They often insist that everything should go according to a certain pattern. Such unreasonable requirements contribute to a decrease in resistance to frustration.

Typical Installations

The behavior of patients with PALR expresses their cognitive patterns. Procrastination, poor quality of work are caused by indignation at the need to fulfill duties. A person is determined that he has to do what he does not want. The attitude regarding delay is to follow the path of minimum resistance. For example, a person begins to believe that the matter can be postponed until later. Faced with the adverse consequences of failure to perform duties, he expresses dissatisfaction with others who have power. It can manifest itself in a flash of anger, but most likely passive methods of revenge will be used. For example, sabotage. In psychotherapy, behavior may be accompanied by a refusal to cooperate in treatment.

Emotions

For patients with PALR, irritation and anger will be common conditions. This fact is understandable, since people believe that they are required to comply with arbitrary standards, they are underestimated or misunderstood. Patients often fail to achieve their goals in the professional sphere, as well as in their personal lives. They are not able to understand how their behavior and existing attitudes influence the difficulties that they have.

The emotions of patients are largely determined by their vulnerability to external control and the interpretation of requests as a desire to limit their freedom.

Reasons for the formation of a passive-aggressive personality type

This behavioral pattern is most often inherited from parents who did not welcome the child's manifestation of their true feelings and emotions or simply ignored it, and also had a passive-aggressive style of reaction.

How can I handle a passively aggressive employee?

A passive-aggressive employee is a complex person and is not always easy to spot. The thought should be about how to consider this type of person at work. Remember that this person’s strategy is to direct a certain level of aggression to another person, often his boss.

But he does it in a passive way to look innocent in a process that makes the other person bad or upset. In dealing with this type of personality in the workplace, it is necessary to use a well-designed, preemptive counter-strategy in order to nip passive-aggressive behavior in the bud before its intentions can be realized.

Sometimes passive-aggressive behavior is unconscious, but in most cases, this is manifested consciously and intentionally. When confronted with a problem with behavior, employees who exhibit passive-aggressive behavior will act as if they know absolutely nothing.

Disappointment or hostility, which is created by their actions and, as a rule, seems surprised to hear that there is a problem in general. Please note that these seemingly familiar reactions are only part of the overall passive-aggressive behavior.

The key to an effective solution to a passive-aggressive employee lies in the three proposed steps:

1. Type of identification. color: black »\u003e

2. Emotional intelligence.

The first step to determine the employee’s productivity or attitude, the problem is to determine who you are dealing with. By the first identification of the type of passive-aggressive employee, you can actively determine what can be done to combat unwanted behavior.

In a restaurant, you don’t know what to order if you first see the menu. You didn’t take the time to find out what you are dealing with, you can simply order and remain unsatisfied with what you ordered.

After you find out who you are dealing with, try to identify potential passive-aggressive behavior. Consider past behavior, and expect what you can do to prevent future recurrences. Repetition of passive aggression has a negative effect.

For example, in the fight against "Intentional inefficiency", you can portray the task from the very beginning as very simple. Thus, if a person performs the task more successfully, as expected, but made subtle mistakes or intentionally worked in an ineffective way.

In this case, it will only seem that a person cannot cope with such a simple task. This strategy also often works in situations

Passive male aggression (from the book ec - Man and sacred marriage -)

Passive male aggression (from the book by T. Vasilets "Man and Woman. The Secret of Sacred Marriage").

Passive male aggression

“... The male aggression necessary for survival is nothing but a unique and natural force of nature. This is a spiritual force and it inevitably evolves ...

Why is a man - a spiritual warrior, consciously protecting his beloved woman, protecting the weak, has become a rarity.

The spiritual ignorance of a technocratic society is playing a risky game with this powerful and great natural masculine power. As long as male aggression is for the most part an unconscious force and therefore has no absolute focus, it is a hell of a cauldron, closed with a heavy lid of infantility. The reason for this state of affairs is the lack of necessary initiation initiations in Western culture: special initiation rites that could in time direct the male aggression of a maturing person into a constructive channel, transforming it into a protective, creative force.

The culture of spiritually developed countries is always rich in initiations. If they do not exist, pseudo-initiations are inevitably born - surrogate tests that are designed to solve growth and development problems in their own way, for example, to channel male aggression and use it for inhumane purposes ...

... The lack of useful social channels for using natural male aggression leads to the so-called passive aggression ... Scott Wetzler described the phenomenon of passive aggression in his book How to Live With This Unbearable Man. He called this phenomenon "Meek disobedience."

Passive disguised aggression, according to Wetzler, is the scourge of modern men. “When someone lacks the strength and sources to challenge it directly ... resistance appears secretly, not directly ... The tragedy of a passive-aggressive man today is that he misinterprets his personal relationship as a struggle for power and considers himself powerless ... The secret of a relationship with a passively aggressive man is to correct this error and help him feel stronger, ”writes Wetzler.

Wetzler believes that passive-aggressive protection is not only for men, but also for women, but in men it is more common. For modern women, a clear, open form of aggression has become more characteristic.

S. Wetzler highlights the question of a man, characteristic of passive-aggressive behavior, addressed to his woman: "Why should I do something for you?" This is the same as: “Why a man - i am, but not you? Why i am should give you a hand, not you to me? Why at the wedding ceremony i am should take you in my arms and not you - me? Why i am should make you a marriage proposal, not you to me?"

In life, this type of aggression, by virtue of its implicit nature, is not perceived as aggression, it has not yet been exposed by public consciousness. This has not yet been widely discussed, such as the dangers of smoking. Passive aggression thrives as a socially tolerant form of behavior. It is widespread and deeply penetrates into all areas of human relations, therefore it is especially toxic and destructive for both business and any interpersonal contacts.

“Problems with a passively aggressive man arise as a result of his ... indirect and inadequate way of expressing hostility hidden under the guise of innocence, generosity or passivity (a form of self-abasement). If what he says or does is not clear to you or rather makes you angry ... this is passive aggression.

... The term itself seems paradoxical, and the question arises: how can a person be both passive and aggressive at the same time, and not just one? ... A passive-aggressive man ... is not passive today and aggressive tomorrow ... Rather, a passive-aggressive man is both passive and aggressive. The paradox is that he refuses his aggression when it manifests itself. ”

Here are two examples from S. Wetzler’s many observations of the manifestations of passive aggression in men: “... He wants you to doubt yourself ...” You were mistaken about our meeting. It’s written in my diary for tomorrow, and not for yesterday. That's why I started a diary. Yes, the hour of the day suits me. But maybe I will have to leave the city. Call me if you want to have lunch with me in a few days. ” Well, how can one not lose his temper! ”Wetzler writes:“ One woman told me that her husband painted half of the window frames in their bedroom and has been promising to finish this work for two years now. When guests wonder why the frames are gray-white, she replies: “The phone rang.” For many years, she tried to suppress her irritation and disappointment with a sense of humor, but unfinished work is always before her eyes. ”

Passive aggression is formed in a child accustomed to emotional deprivation, most of whose mental needs were not satisfied ... The personality of any person - man or woman - contains both male and female properties. In every woman there is a hidden masculine beginning - Animus, in every man - a hidden feminine - Anima. Their internal content is heterogeneous - they consist of parts, some substructures, each of which performs certain functions in the inner world of a person. These parts are conveniently labeled by representing them as characters. The animus of a woman is formed on the foundation of the images of her father and other male figures that replace him, real or imagined. Anima in a man arises from the image of his mother and the images of other women, both real and emerging in his inner world.

The main feature of a passively aggressive man is his estrangement from his own masculinity as a powerful defensive force. As an adult, he remains painfully dependent on both a real mother and image mother, formed in his personality. Carrying this maternal image as the only well-functioning protective mechanism, a man is looking for the same figure in the women he meets - so he strives childishly for safety. Such a man aspires to women, "savior" or "administrators." This dependence leads a passively aggressive man to dependence on many external objects, including social structures that provide “care”.

A healthy male strategy is that a woman should be conquered in an inevitable natural competition with other men. A passive-aggressive man prefers to conquer him, since he is panicky afraid of failures, battles and defeats. He suffers from a painful dependence on the assessments of others, an obsessive need for acceptance on their part, especially on the part of women. At the same time, he seeks to hide this dependence through the rejection and depreciation of women. He can also discount a lot, which is significant for him. Thus, the desire to gain masculine power, freedom and independence is distorted in the behavior of an immature man.

So, a passively aggressive man is an immature man who has yet to unite with his natural masculine spiritual strength and inner femininity that heals and replenishes men's powers ...

... Any man possesses natural aggression from the very beginning. A passive-aggressive man in this sense has a kind of internal "bomb." And if this “bomb” resides in the realm of the unconscious, that is, until male aggression has been realized and its vector has not yet been directed towards protection, it, being suppressed (passive) or manifest openly in the form of an explosion, can blindly destroy both the man himself and and the world around him. A mature man differs from a passive-aggressive one in that he is in contact with his natural male aggression and knows how to use it purposefully to protect the female and children's worlds, to protect his interests and those of those for whom he took responsibility.

... Women can’t imagine what a long and difficult path a (man) should take from his native, irreplaceable, caring mother and embark on a test path that is completely different from the path she has passed, where you can no longer use either maternal experience or advice. From this point of view, it can be noted that the girl should try to be like her mother, while the boy should learn to be different from her ...

Brute masculine power, being uninitiated, paradoxically, leads men to self-doubt, isolation and alienation from their own feelings. This alienation leads to the loss of contact with the female part of the personality - with the world of the Soul, where not only feelings live, but also the inspirational and healing powers of his Inner Woman so needed by any man are stored. Separated from their Soul, men seek contact with it in numerous contacts with real women.

Men's maturity is manifested primarily in the way a man relates to women and children. If the need to protect them and take care of them becomes his deepest need, that is, if the man in his development reaches such a fullness of the male protective will, which forms a natural for him outgoing flow, we can talk about male maturity. So in the inner world - a mature masculine principle, above all, protects femininity. Only being protected, femininity (Soul) can “spread its wings” and give its protector a divine experience of flying!

... A man who grew up in conditions of a deficiency of male protection and a hypertrophied maternal beginning has infantile (immature) masculinity, from which he himself and modern society as a whole suffer. And since many men from childhood have a distorted, surrogate feminine, depressed and depressed, on the one hand, and on the other, overloaded with masculine features of their mother, such a man wants to defeat or destroy rather than protect a woman.

The desire to defeat their internal hypermaternal structure, to get rid of under its influence can become chronic and, reaching the neurotic obsession, manifest itself in the need to "take revenge" not only to women, but to the world as a whole.

Source:
Passive male aggression (from the book ec - Man and sacred marriage -)
Passive male aggression (from the book by T. Vasilets "Man and Woman. The Secret of Sacred Marriage"). Passive male aggression "... necessary for male survival
http://www.b17.ru/blog/passivnaya_mujskaya_agressiya/

Passive-aggressive personality disorder

When forced to achieve success at work, or when, for some other reason, their internal aggression loses ground, they experience severe anxiety. They have a specific, hostile-subordinate nature of communicative behavior, manifested not only in work, but also in communication as a whole. They impose on others the position of their own dependence in such a way that others perceive it as punishment and manipulation. Those with whom the patients are in close relationships are rarely calm and happy. Patients can, for example, spoil the party with their complaints and claims, without at the same time making, with some excuses, their positive contribution to it.

People in the end have to fulfill orders for them and assume their share of responsibility. Friends and family have to intervene in the process of therapy, expressing those claims to the wrong, according to the patient, treatment that he himself does not present to the doctor. Since patients are constantly focused on making claims, it is often difficult for them to formulate what the situation should look like in which they would be satisfied. Naturally negative reactions of others to the patient's behavior close the vicious circle, being for patients a subjective confirmation of the validity of their pessimism and negativity. Suicidal threats are common, but rarely accompanied by suicidal attempts.

High comorbidity with alcoholism, depression and somatized disorder. The level of labor maladaptation is also high: during longitudinal observation in the follow-up history, only less than half of patients retain a workplace at work or work at home.

Diagnosis. To diagnose a passive-aggressive disorder, the condition must meet at least five of the following criteria: 1) failure to meet deadlines, delaying and postponing completion of everyday tasks, especially when completion is stimulated by others; 2) unjustified protest against fair claims and comments of others, statements about the illegality of these claims; 3) stubbornness, irritability, or conflict if necessary, to perform tasks undesirable for the patient; 4) unjustified criticism or contempt for the authorities, responsible persons; 5) deliberately slow or poor work when performing unwanted tasks; 6) obstruction of the efforts of others due to non-fulfillment of their part of the work; 7) avoidance of fulfillment of obligations with reference to forgetfulness.

Differential diagnosis. Despite the well-known external similarity, the behavior of a passive-aggressive disorder is less spectacular, dramatic, emotional and aggressive than in cases of hysterical and borderline disorders.

Treatment. Patients of this type rarely see the reason for their social maladaptation within themselves and therefore have no motivation for treatment. The personality structure makes the patient who wants to receive help outwardly fight against this as against an imposed, degrading task. In any case, they bring their characteristic communicative style into communication with the doctor. Maintaining psychotherapeutic contact with patients of a passive-aggressive type is extremely difficult: concessions to their requirements are antitherapeutic, and refusal of them threatens to lose contact. Psychotherapy therefore risks degenerating into the constant presentation of claims to the doctor for his reluctance to accept the patient's dependence.

The suicide threat, as a rule, should be interpreted not as a depressive reaction to the loss of love, but as an indirect expression of anger. Nevertheless, the severity of melancholic affect is an indication for the appointment of antidepressants.

Cognitive-behavioral techniques that confront the patient with the social consequences of his behavior are more effective than the correct interpretation of his mechanisms. It is more productive to focus on cognitive techniques; pure coping training programs run into evading reactions of patients in which they are very skilled. Purely behavioral techniques of group therapy and training of social skills are also successful here. The constant opposition of patients can be used in paradoxical methods of guiding them, when the doctor intentionally suggests doing the opposite of what he seeks from the patient.

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is a condition in which people express anger and negative feelings hidden through their actions instead of directly splashing out aggression on others. It is characterized by a tendency to obstructionism, constant procrastination, stubbornness, false forgetfulness and intentional inefficiency in all matters. People with a passive-aggressive personality type constantly complain about everything, are in a depressed state, actively express their pessimistic attitude and are unyielding in everything. Very often they try to realize themselves in a dependent relationship, finding satisfaction in opposing all the partner’s attempts to achieve adequate productivity, productive independent work, equivalent returns in household chores, etc.

When Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder Was First Diagnosed

It was first described as a clinical case by Colonel William Menninger during World War II. He noted the peculiar deviation of some men, undermining their military correspondence. Menninger pointed to the clearly defiant, but not contrary to direct orders, behavior of soldiers. It was expressed as “passive counteraction”, such as deliberate slowness, inability to understand orders, errors, general inefficiency and passive obstruction. The colonel himself did not identify the disorder as a separate ailment and attributed it to "personal immaturity" and a reaction to military stress.

For the first time, the classification of passive-aggressive personality disorder as a separate group of disorders was discussed back in the 50s of the last century, and there was widespread discussion of this problem in the late 80s and early 90s, when, thanks to the capabilities of the World Wide Web, there was a massive prevalence of such communication behavior of Internet users. And although not all emails, notes, and messages with characteristic content indicate that their authors have this problem, sociological and clinical studies have shown that ~ 96-98% of persons belonging to the passive-aggressive personality type realize their usual behavior and in network communication.

Causes of Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorders

According to most modern researchers, in most cases, the roots of the problem originate in childhood. Analysis of the data of various groups of subjects, depending on age, gender, race, nationality and social status, did not reveal a pronounced correlation and the indicator changed depending on the research methods used. At the same time, there is a clear connection with a violation of the incentive system in early childhood. Most often this happens in dysfunctional families, where the child does not feel so safe as to freely express disappointment, anger and other feelings.

The same applies to overly conservative families, where the role of the dominant head of the family is clearly expressed and physical and psychological punishment is actively practiced. In such circumstances, honest expression of feelings is prohibited, and children unconsciously learn to suppress and deny their emotions, using other channels to express resentment and disappointment. Not finding the possibilities for natural discharge, the child eventually begins to consider them the norm and in the process of growing up, they become a kind of cliché by which the personality is formed.

Signs and main symptoms of passive-aggressive behavior

Persons with passive-aggressive personality disorder spend most of their time in an irritable or even agitated state. They have a low tolerance for disappointment and mood swings that change in a very quick sequence. Such people are impatient with others, and their interest in communication is correctly sharply replaced by antipathy or boredom and complete disregard.

In passive-aggressive disorder, people always feel unhappy, accuse others of abuse and deceit, believe that they are underestimated, and any failures are attributed to circumstances.

Individually, these signs may simply be traits of a person’s character and do not indicate a specific deviation, but in aggregate they often accurately indicate a problem. In particular, the simultaneous presence of symptoms such as:

constant resentment at all;
counteraction to any requirements of other people;
postponement of work for later to disrupt the timing of its implementation;
slowness and committing intentional mistakes in any kind of activity;
cynical, gloomy or hostile attitude towards all;
frequent complaints of a person that he is betrayed, deceived and underestimated;
unwillingness to solve their problems;
complete rejection of criticism and cruel nit-picking in all who try to give advice;
envy and contempt for all people who are empowered or generally more successful.

If they are accompanied by self-doubt, inability to express their needs and desires directly, as well as the person’s inability to ask the necessary questions to find out what is expected of him, then this is 99% likely to indicate the presence of this disorder.

Classification of passive-aggressive personality types

Since a lot of attention has been paid to this problem over the past two decades, today a more or less accurate classification of “negative” or “passively aggressive” personality types has already been made. For example, the famous American psychologist Theodore Millon identified four separate subtypes of this disorder:

Subtype	Traits
hesitant	Uncertainty and confusion; the inability to name the exact reason for their own capricious behavior; indecision, both in interaction with others, and as the main subjective feature of all processes in the psyche.
displeased	Grunts, petty nit-picking, quick temper over trifles, moodiness, bitterness, complaints for any reason, irritability, pretense to avoid open confrontation.
disguised	The opposition is expressed in a veiled and ambiguous manner. Most often it is simulated slowness, forgetfulness, inefficiency, neglect of charters and rules, stubbornness. A person also becomes very tortuous and tries to use only indirect methods of sabotage in order to avoid direct claims for wrecking.
sharp (coarse)	Controversy, intransigence, uncompromising, capricious, quarrelsome; character becomes caustic and irritable; a person enjoys humiliating and insulting others.

The detailed categorization proposed by the American professor Preston Ni from the University of California is also popular. Studying the issues of interpersonal effectiveness, professional communication, as well as intercultural understanding and organizational changes prompted him to pay attention to this issue. In total, he identifies ten general categories, which correspond to people with passive-aggressive disorder, and in his opinion, the majority shows at least a few of them on a regular basis.

General verbal hostility. Examples: blooming gossip; unjustified criticism of others; non-recognition of generally accepted rules and norms; indulgent treatment of adults as children.

What is guided by: humiliation of others helps to feel in a dominant position. Causing moral suffering for others and depriving them of their emotional balance is done to alleviate their own lack of peace and security. The main desire is to maintain their false sense of importance by criticizing the rest and making everyone suffer "for the company." In the family, this is expressed in the form of competition for power over the household and complete control in the relationship.

Making fun of. Examples: sarcasm, hostile jokes in relation to others, a desire to tease people before getting them crazy. A characteristic feature is the need to humiliate a person as much as possible, avoiding an open conflict and clarifying relations, referring to "just kidding."

What is guided by: Removing one's own hidden anger and discomfort on a suitable victim. The main desire is to marginalize other people's dignity and authority to their level.

Total disguised hostility. Examples: a demonstration of neglect and resentment towards people, sullenness, the desire to inflict emotional pain with reproaches or ignoring.

What is guided by: an attempt to compensate for their internal insecurity by deliberately creating a negative emotional background in the immediate environment and putting people out of balance.

Psychological manipulation. Examples: duplicity, a pathological tendency to intrigue, a desire to deliberately substitute a person at every opportunity (for the sake of pleasure and often without any benefit for oneself), ostentatious sacrifice, twisting of the same information in a conversation with different people, disclosure or concealment of important facts in depending on the situation. A characteristic feature is pretense and a strong desire to protect themselves from disclosure.

What is guided by: redirecting attention from one’s own problems by endlessly interfering in someone else’s life through intrigue and deception. Achieving a false sense of superiority through the manipulation of other people.

Bullying. Examples: unfounded accusations of someone else’s address with an attempt to find the victim’s most vulnerable spot and cause her maximum mental pain.

What is guided by: achieving a false sense of happiness and self-worth against the background of the suffering of others.

Sabotage and blaming others. Examples: ostentatious slowness, lethargy, forgetfulness, "dullness"; the desire to create maximum red tape around yourself and upset as many other people's plans as possible. Need is pathological and makes a person act even without any personal benefit.

What is guided by: creating the illusion of self-importance and authority; the desire to put everyone in a position dependent on themselves in order to block the success of other people. Often feels a burning jealousy towards those who are more successful, which is expressed in unfounded accusations and harsh groundless criticism.

Auto Counter. Examples: stubborn intractability, rigidity, inefficiency, tendency to complicate everything, the habit of leaving any business incomplete, attempts to sabotage the work of others.

What is guided by: compensation of own insolvency. In this case, “victory” is achieved due to the disappointment and negative emotions of the victim.

Backstage sabotage. Examples: failure to complete any tasks, projects and activities; causing material losses or the assumption of an overexpenditure of resources; pathological wrecking; the destruction of established work and personal relationships of people around; intentional dissemination of harmful information.

What is guided by: obtaining moral satisfaction through revenge and “punishment” of other people; the achievement of emotional pleasure from observing the result of their “labors”.

Ostentatious sacrifice. Examples: exaggeration of the importance of personal issues; manipulation of one’s state of one’s health; deliberately inventing imaginary problems in order to attach the victim to himself and use his sympathy and favor; taking on the role of a martyr who sacrificed his well-being for the sake of others (usually with a rebuke that this sacrifice was not appreciated).

What is guided by: the desire to use the goodwill and care of the recipient and cause on his part a strong emotional attachment to commit manipulation.

Self flagellation. Examples: deliberate creation of a situation in which the status of the victim could be achieved; baseless reproaches and reproaches; self-harm and blackmail by suicide.

What is guided by: the desire to intimidate or cause suffering to emotionally dependent people, causing self-harm. Love to create dramas to concentrate around you.

However, according to the professor, the last symptom in itself cannot be considered as a separate symptom of the disorder, since it can also be a kind of cry for help, being evidence of other mental illnesses.

Treatment of Passive-Aggressive Personality Disorders

The complexity of the treatment of disorders of this group is that in most cases, people are simply unable to enjoy and moral satisfaction in other ways. The normal system of incentives does not work in this case, so the main program is reduced to psychotherapy and psychoanalysis, during which the patient is taught to isolate “harmful” thoughts and stimuli for consciously replacing them with “useful” ones.

According to the results of clinical observations, most often typical of passive-aggressive disorders is the following set of automatic attitudes and thoughts:

“They dare not tell me what to do”;
“I will do only as I want”;
“I will do everything in spite of them”;
“No one is grateful for the work I have done”;
“All around only use me”;
“I can never achieve real success”;
“People don’t want to understand me”;
“My life is unhappy, and nothing can be done about it”;
“I still won’t succeed”;
“Being honest and frank is a weakness”;
"Others want to limit and suppress my identity."

The therapist finds out exactly what pathological thoughts and stimuli act in humans at the “automatic” level and teaches them to consciously block them. The course of treatment, as a rule, lasts at least one year and during this time the doctor and patient go from the stage of understanding the causes and consequences of such behavior to the development of soft confrontation methods. The best results can be achieved if the immediate environment is also involved in the process and gently, but decisively ceases to indulge the patient's weaknesses, using the replacement templates created by the therapist. In especially advanced cases, the elimination of acute symptoms (depression, anxiety, outbreaks of anger) is allowed with medical methods, after which traditional therapy is carried out.

Forecast and possible complications

In general, with adequate treatment, the prognosis is pretty good. If a person was able to open up and realize the causes of the problem, supportive psychotherapy usually brings excellent results. Of course, being embedded in deep childhood, this personality disorder, as a rule, persists for a very long time. But with the patient's constant volitional efforts to overcome it, it can “burn out” with therapy and be replaced by positive life experience.

However, there is such a thing as individual tolerance, on which the success of the whole event depends. Even if a positive result seems stable, a person may not fully accept new ideas and balance on the brink. The “dominant thought base” is too deeply rooted in his personality, so even the slightest push is enough for such a person to fall into a state of chaos and dissatisfaction again. Often, complications arise when there is an imaginary or real lack of stability in life. This applies to any field: social, professional, spiritual, legal, financial, etc. Also, complications can arise when the patient loosens control over negative thoughts, and the closest circle does not pay attention to it and indulges his behavior or, conversely, expresses stiff opposition . After all, the key component of psychotherapy is precisely the soft opposition to negative ideas.