Tactless tactless. Enfant terrible

Each of us from time to time hears uncomfortable questions that upset, anger and even force. You endure them stoically, trying not to respond with outright rudeness. But, having not sustained and having broken, you receive valuable remarks like “you should have sedatives to drink” or “that's what feminism leads to”. Why do people ask them at all? After all, it is often clear that they do not even expect an answer from you. And how to react to tactlessness?

Tactless questions can be divided into groups:

about personal life: When finally married? Why is there still one?
about kids: When will you have a baby? And when do you have a second?
about money and work: How much money do you make? So why do you get paid? When will you find a normal job for yourself?
about appearance: Why aren’t you painting? Why are you dressing like this? When will you make a normal haircut? Are you dieting again?
on private topics: How old are you? Why did she come to the doctor?

Is that familiar? It seems that combating such curiosity is impossible. There is no need to enter into confrontation: it is better to act more subtly - to catch the interlocutor by surprise, to confuse him.

Let's figure out what happens when you are asked a tactless question. Your interlocutor acts on the principle of an energy vampire: asking something too personal, he usually immediately makes you feel guilty and inferior. Of course, you start either making excuses, or being rude and annoyed in return. In both cases, you throw out a huge amount of your own energy, which your curious acquaintance “feeds”. And this situation is repeated again and again - every time a person wants to “recharge” from you. This is not difficult for him: you yourself showed him all your pain points when you reacted too emotionally to questions.

To break this vicious circle it is necessary to resort to the method, which in psychology is called breaking the template. What is its essence? In response to annoying questions, outright rudeness or unconstructive criticism, you give out a completely non-standard reaction - one that the interlocutor does not expect from you. You take him by surprise - and now he will have to spend his own energy to save his face. In other words, with the help of an unexpected maneuver, you take the situation and ask the conversation the direction that you think is necessary.

9 answer options

1 Change of subject. You leave the question unattended and take the conversation aside. “Well, we all about me, tell us better about our successes ...”, “Yes, life is a complicated and ambiguous thing, but today the weather turned out to be beautiful, right? I think it's already possible on the weekend. ”

2 Counterquestion. Instead of answering, you ask your own question, which confuses the interlocutor. “Can I ask what is the reason for your interest?”, “The answer to your question will radically change something in your life?”, “What do you think?”

3 Thanks. I sincerely thank the interlocutor for his interest in your life: “Thank you for worrying so much about me, myself shocked by my life (I worry all the time),” “I did not expect from you such cordiality and interest in me,” “I- they said that you are callous and callous, and you, it turns out, are completely different. ”

4 Exclusion of the interlocutor from the circle of influence. If the topic does not personally affect him, then you are not obliged to discuss anything. Decisively break off the conversation: "I will talk about this only with those whom it concerns personally, but not with you." And point, do not get involved in the discussion. The method can be used with loved ones, but do it softer and more delicate. For example, the question "When will you give birth to a baby" can be answered: "Perhaps today I will discuss this topic with my husband."

5 Philosophizing. You begin to reflect on the significance of the topic. “You asked an excellent question, the answer to which can be found many years later,” “Oh, no one knows.”

6 Joking. Give a humorous answer, ranging from “This is classified information”, “Yes, you are a scary person!” To “Better not anger me, I actually have a black karate belt.” Just remember that such tricks work better in a friendly company, among like-minded people.

7 Misunderstanding. You pretend that you didn’t understand, didn’t hear the other person, forcing him to repeat or reformulate the question: “Sorry, I didn’t hear, I have my ears closed today.” Very often a person has the courage to ask something personal only once. You can ask a clarifying question - this technique is good to use when a lot of people participate in the conversation. “Did I hear correctly that the most exciting question for you is my time?” A person will not want to be a laughing stock and will change the subject himself.

9 Contact break. You just close the topic with a request not to waste valuable time on it. “Thank you for your attention, you should not worry about it,” “Please, do not bother yourself ...”. It is convenient to use with unfamiliar people (for example, in the queue to the doctor) or with some curious colleagues.

Little trick

If you have acting abilities, try sneezing instead of answering or yawning slowly. This will help to confuse the interlocutor with thoughts.

We try in practice

Decided to try the proposed techniques in practice? To work well, proceed with caution, observing certain principles:

✓ Choose the methods that are right for you. After all, all people are different: someone knows how to joke successfully, while someone is better at portraying cold politeness.

✓ Combine tricks more often. Yes, in conversations with strangers, you can use any one answer option. But if a fan of asking awkward questions is in your inner circle, it is better to change tactics from time to time. Because a curious acquaintance will quickly remember your favorite trick and find a way to neutralize.

✓ Try to answer sincerely, with a smile, but without mockery. However, if you want to get rid of a person for a long time, you can add sarcasm. So, to the question "Are you kidding me?" You can answer: "Well, what are you! Where am I to you?

If someone from the closest people regularly repeats an uncomfortable question, take time and openly discuss with him the reasons for such an interest. Most likely, it really is in your life. for example, your mother is worried that she has no grandchildren. Let her speak out and explain how you feel when you hear questions.

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A person suffering from depression is often told: “Get a hold of yourself, in the end!”. Abandoned wife - "Do not worry, you will find yourself better!". The victim of bullying on the Internet - “It’s my fault! Draw conclusions! ”Thus, people sometimes try to express sympathy for those who feel bad, support them, help - not noticing the inappropriateness and tactlessness of their statements, says social psychologist Juliana Brains 1. Their tactlessness, explains Brains, is that they downplay or completely discount the other person's experiences and the complexity of his problem. This was recently written by Sheryl Sandberg (Sheryl Sandberg), a member of the Board of Directors of Facebook in his post on this social network. This year, she lost her husband, and her post was dedicated to the end of sloshima - a 30-day mourning, adopted in the Jewish tradition. Cheryl says how painful for a person who is losing, words like “Everything will be fine”: “When a person shows real empathy, he does not say that everything will be fine - he admits that now everything is not at all good.”

Another variant of a tactless statement, says Juliana Brains, is an attempt to hold a person responsible for what is actually beyond his control. In this sense, it is tactless to tell a person with depression that staying in such a depressed state is his choice that he should simply “pull himself together”. It sounds as if he himself were to blame for his illness.

Six reasons for tactlessness

1. They do not know what it is. If a person’s life has not had any particular difficulties, or if he himself has never encountered the specific problem that makes his interlocutor suffer, it is difficult for him to put himself in his place. As Cheryl Sandberg admits, before she lost her husband, she never knew what to say to people in distress. Sympathy for people experiencing physical pain is much higher among those who have experienced it themselves. As a rule, people who have faced serious problems in their personal lives are more sympathetic to those who find themselves in a similar situation than those who have not gone through this.

2. They had to experience this, but this experience is a thing of the past. It would seem that this is obvious: if a person himself once went through certain tests, he will soon empathize with someone who has encountered something similar. In fact, sometimes the opposite is true. People who successfully coped with a traumatic situation (such as bullying, for example) then treated victims of a similar collision much harder than those who did not experience it themselves. Apparently, in retrospect, their own victory seemed to them not so difficult.

3. They do not want to imagine themselves in such a situation. Suppose a person has not experienced anything like it. But can he just imagine what it feels like to be in such a difficult situation? Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Empathy hurts, which is why one of us is trying not to delve into it. Undergoing stress at the sight of other people's experiences, a person sometimes becomes less responsive; his first concern is reducing his own stress, rather than supporting someone who is ill. His offensive words are nothing but an attempt to downplay the seriousness of the problem.

4. They want the problem to disappear quickly. There seems to be nothing wrong with the tips and tricks. But the fact is that some problems do not have simple solutions - and in some cases there are no solutions at all. Those who feel bad, most likely need care and understanding, and not instructions on what to do. But counselors are often aimed specifically at solving someone else's problem - this helps them to feel useful and thus get rid of the painful sensations associated with other people's difficulties.

5. They do not want to feel vulnerable. We are very upset when, roughly speaking, something bad happens to good people. The very thought of this is so traumatic that we try to convince ourselves that the victim is somehow responsible for the troubles that happened to her. But this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, a person feels less vulnerable, on the other hand, he becomes less responsive.

6. They just say what is customary to say. It happens that people really want to express sympathy and support, but they lack words. Not knowing what to say, they grab onto a stamp like “Never mind” or “Everything will work out” - and achieve the opposite effect: all these platitudes do not allow a person to feel warmth and support.

When we suffer, kindhearted people can make insulting remarks against us. But if you understand why they do this, we may not be so hurt. Usually such words speak more about these people themselves than about us.
Those who really want to help, sometimes need to be gently pushed in the right direction, answering them, for example: “I would also really like to believe that everything will be okay, but at the moment my situation is too uncertain.” Or: “I really appreciate your advice, but right now it’s more important for me that you just hug me.” Do not hesitate to explain to people what they don’t understand, for example, that depression is not weak-willedness, but a disease, or that there is no common thing for everyone terms of experiencing grief.

And what can we ourselves do as kindhearted people to be more sensitive in such situations, instead of boringly repeating all these well-known “you should not ...”, “do not ...”? First of all, be aware that our considerations regarding what a person is experiencing, why he is experiencing and what he needs are not necessarily correct. If you have doubts, do not be afraid to ask questions and honestly admit that you do not know or do not understand something. And if you happen to say tactlessness and you were given to understand this, do not brush it off, think about what the person wants to tell you, instead of taking up a defensive position. Your blunder does not mean that you are a bad person. We are all in this sense not without sin.

1 Juliana Breines defended her dissertation at the University of California, Berkeley (USA), works at Brandeis University (USA), co-author of the blog Psych Your Mind: Applying Psychology to Everyday Life.

Everyone knows the term “childish immediacy”. Sometimes a child’s innocent question puts his parents in an awkward position in front of other people.

Then the adults, embarrassed by the behavior of their child, blush, hastily repeating: "Do not pay attention, this is just a child!" Or "Excuse me, please, he is so curious with us!" At the same time, a five-year-old baby does not seek to offend someone. He sincerely wants to know why this uncle has no wife, and that aunt is ugly. Due to age, the child does not understand what sets tactless issues. Such spontaneity touches many, because the children are still small. They know the world, therefore they say what they think. It is unlikely that anyone would think of calling a child tactless and even more so offended by him. Another thing is when the wrong questions are asked by adults. “How old are you?”, “Are you married (married)?”, “Why are you divorced?”, “When will you give birth?” The biological clock is ticking! ”,“ Who do you live with? ”,“ Is there a car? ”,“ How much do you earn? ”,“ What a terrible scar! Where is he from?". Such questions annoy, spoil the mood and can even lead to an emotionally persistent personality. I do not want to answer them at all. However, human bad manners know no bounds. Some people think that you simply have to tell them the details of your life. Moreover, the role of a shameless interlocutor can be played not only by a close friend, colleague or, but also unfamiliar or even strangers.

Why ask tactless questions

Tactless people do not care about your emotional experiences. Some of them seek to satisfy their curiosity, others behave this way from a lack of delicacy and intelligence, and still others assert themselves in this way. The last type, according to psychologists, is energy vampires. Unlike children who behave directly, tactless adults specifically ask provocative questions, forcing the other person to experience a sense of discomfort or inferiority. They get real pleasure watching the reaction of the interlocutor. These people are "charged" with energy from someone else's embarrassment, resentment or aggression. The more emotional a person reacts, the more happy the “vampires” who now know his pain points and can always “recharge”. They assert themselves by manipulating others and humiliating them. Unfortunately, not everyone knows when communicating with such persons. Here the question arises: "Where does tactics come from?" Persons lacking a sense of tact grow out of children who sprinkled sand with their peers, overheard the conversations of adults, rummaged in other people's things, and in public places fell to the floor and fought in hysterics. Parents did not teach them the rules of behavior, did not explain what was good and what was bad, but merely touched by the “cute” pranks of their children. And now, others are suffering from the bad manners of adults who strive to ask:

About personal life and children . “Are you dating someone?”, “Why don't you get married?”, “Why don't you give birth?”, “When will you give birth to the second (third)?”. If there are children, then questions arise: “Why doesn’t she look like you?”, “Why doesn’t he still walk (don’t speak)?” Sick?".
About work and income . “Are you happy with such a job?”, “What is your salary?”, “Have you ever made a career?”
About appearance . “What's wrong with your hairdo?”, “Have you always had acne?”, “Why are you wearing these jeans?”.
Separate topics . “Do you live in your apartment?”, “Why did you go to the doctor?”, “Why don’t you drink (alcohol)?”.

You need to react correctly to someone else's tactlessness. If you are embarrassed, the boor will only be happy and will never leave you behind. Do not get annoyed and show aggression, otherwise you will be accused of rudeness, and the tactless person will begin to blink innocently, saying: "I just asked!" Or "I did not think that would hurt you like that!" And finally, it is unacceptable to run out of the room, deliberately slamming the door. In this case, a tactless person will definitely feel like a winner.

Try for rudeness and provocative questions respond politely with a smile. Take the other party by surprise. Now let him be embarrassed and suffer from his own tactlessness. Take control of your situation with the surprise effect.

How to answer tactless questions

A tactless interlocutor can meet anywhere: at home, among friends, at work, in transport, and in line with a doctor. Some people show excessive curiosity in order to get to know each other better, to start a conversation. Many people consider questions about age, marital status, children and salary on duty, so they are always asked.

Sometimes a person with whom you are barely familiar, wanting to find out as much information as possible, panicky asks: "Well, prick, what's new?". Give him such an opportunity and tell us about the painful: about high inflation, kilometer-long traffic jams in the morning and the growing nail on the big toe of the right foot. Be sure to ask the opinion of the interlocutor, especially about the nail. Suddenly he will give you good advice? Speak in a polite tone with a serious expression on your face. For tactless inquiries about personal life, appearance and income, use ready-made answer options. They can be combined, depending on the interlocutor. Do not forget to periodically change tactics:

Lack of useful information or specifics . “Where do you live?” - “At home”, “What did you do on the weekend?” - “Rested”, “How much do you earn?” - “Enough for a living.” You can intrigue a person with the answer: "If I say, you will not feel well." Let him suffer, thinking whether your salary is huge or, conversely, small.
Change of subject . Try to ignore the question and switch to the interlocutor: “Yes, I’m fine, tell me about yourself better”, or turn the conversation in another direction: “Everyone’s life is different, but we opened a bakery near our house. Do you think there is delicious pastries? ”
Mirroring . Ask again, pretending not to be heard. Some people are psychologically uncomfortable repeating a tactless question, and they change the subject. If you are in the company, try to play in public, specifying: “Did I hear correctly that you are interested in the origin of my scar?” Most likely, the ill-mannered person will be embarrassed and, looking down, will say: "No, it seemed to you." An annoying interlocutor can be asked the identical question: “How old are you already?” - “And to you?”, “You, when will you give birth?” - “And you?”.
Counterquestion . Try to put a person in an awkward position: "If I answer, will your life change for the better?", "And why do you need this?" Use the design "I understand correctly that ...". Such a phrase will indicate to the interlocutor a framework beyond which one should not go. For example: "Do I understand correctly that my salary excites you more than my own?", "Do I understand correctly that someone else's personal life is of main interest to you?"
Humor . Many people are annoyed and even angry with jokes. To the question: “And where did you get the money for a new car?”, You can answer with a smile: “Found a treasure” or “Saved! They didn’t buy meat for a whole year! ” “How old are you?” - “How many years, so many winters.” “Are you married?” - “Do you have doubts about this?” Or “Do you want to offer your candidacy?” (Have you found a groom for me?). ”
Acting . Make a mysterious look and say in a half-whisper: “This is confidential information!” Or “I am forbidden to talk about it!”. Introduce yourself as a famous politician at a press conference and say in a business tone: "Next question, please!" Take a deep breath, portray a tragic grimace on your face and, looking into the interlocutor’s eyes, say: “Never ask me this question again!”
Tediousness . Do not show the person that the question is unpleasant to you. Speak in a calm, monotonous voice, turning the answer into a forty-minute story with many minutest details. “How much do you earn?” - “My salary is much higher than average. I just recently got acquainted with the overview of wages in the country. So, people working in the same position as me, but in other cities, receive less by 20%. Can you imagine, it's almost a quarter of the salary! Of course, living in many regions is cheaper than ours. Therefore, salaries are lower ... ". The more you add unnecessary details, the faster the interlocutor will change the topic of conversation.
Paradoxical answer . Try a positive reaction to the tactless question to discourage the interlocutor. Show that you are happy with what most people think should be upsetting. “You still have no children?” Asks the former fellow student, hinting that all the losers in the world are childless. “I'm just lucky more than the rest! It’s so cool to live for yourself! ”- you smile back. “How thin you are!” - “Yes!” Every day I drink tea with cakes, eat after six in the evening and do not get better! Great, right? ” Let the tactless person envy your harmony, especially if he is on a diet.
Contact break . It is convenient to use with curious colleagues or strangers, for example, travel companions in transport. Close the topic abruptly and ask your interlocutor not to waste time: “Thank you for your attention, but do not bother,” “I beg you, do not worry about it.”
Universal Answers . “You are an amazing person! I have always admired your ability to ask tactless questions! Teach me? " “Do you want to talk about this?”, Having heard an affirmative answer, confidently say: “But I do not!”.

When to marry, have children, where to work is everyone's personal business. People are not required to answer these questions. Another's tactlessness is clearly visible from the side. Therefore, behave gently. Do not get into someone’s soul out of idle curiosity, especially when you first meet. If a person likes you, he will begin to trust you and will share his secret information himself, so there is no need to get ahead of events. When talking on the phone or in a meeting, ask general questions: “How are you?”, “How are you?”, “How are you?” You can only ask about personal life of relatives or close friends, and that, provided that they have already discussed this topic with you. But taking the initiative, turning the conversation into an interrogation is unacceptable. You can not only ruin the relationship with a person, but also gain a reputation as a boor. Do not forget about the tact, and remember that humor is the best weapon against someone else’s bad manners.

Material prepared by Daria Lychagina

Uninvited assistants

As a person who has to learn to honestly ask for help, today I want to thank the “tactless” people. I mean people who feel bad about their and other people's personal boundaries. Because of this, they often dump intimate things to anyone, take the superfluous, give advice, behave tactlessly, asking uncomfortable questions, in general, annoy everyone. As a rule, they also ride on them, use their openness and kindness, in response, these guys often hide their anger under extra pounds, problems with the skin or mask of Mother Teresa.

But most importantly, they help when they do not ask. This is the flip side of tactlessness. And sometimes it’s very helpful. For whom?

When I was very ill, I met several such people. I did not know how to ask for help, and they literally pulled me out of a terrible state. And I am immensely grateful to them! Yes, then, when everything began to improve, I, of course, began to notice the tactlessness of questions, blurting out other people's secrets, etc. And of course she condemned and repelled. And I am sorry that sometimes I chose too harsh methods, that I couldn’t know otherwise.

Two sides of the barricades

I myself was so tactless for other people, and then I was surprised when a person refused to conduct intimate and sincere conversations with me, when everything was getting better with him.

Having been on both sides of the barricades, I want to say:

1. If you are faced with such “ingratitude”, you may have provided help and support when you were not asked, allowed to violate your borders and violated others' ones;

2. If there are many tactless and ever-climbing people around you, ask yourself if you know how to be aware of your needs and ask for help directly, honestly expressing your need. Not “what are you doing tonight?”, But “I feel bad, listen to me, please, tonight, I need your support.” If not, then you really need them, and therefore they were there, because you don’t need to ask for them, they themselves will help.

Who needs tactless people?

Inability to ask directly, disbelief that help is possible, fear of being dependent push us to manipulate. And who is “being conducted” on them? Of course, these are such open, kind and "limitless" people. Of course, they also play their games, but this is not about that.

When I realized this, I really wanted to build relationships differently. In the circle of my friends there were those who did not care at all for my suffering, whether it was a heavy bag or a heavy character. At first I was glad: “finally they left me alone!”, Then I was annoyed: “You look, you / yourself are pouring tons of tears / annoyance at me, but you won’t even ask me what’s going on with me.”

Ability to ask

And then I started asking. At first clumsily and not about what is needed, then bashfully, briefly and on business, plainly not taking inward what was given to me in response. And now, relaxed, sincerely, with gratitude and a sense of dignity.

And I was amazed how supportive, sensitive, caring these indifferent my seemingly indifferent friends can be! Thanks to them! But I wouldn’t get to them if I hadn’t had experience of relationships in which a person rushed to help with my first breath, change in complexion or weight (it was like that).

It doesn’t matter why, but they helped me when I didn’t even know that I couldn’t ask, when I unconsciously manipulated, hid vulnerability under the guise of omniscience, and complaints under philosophical reasoning about life. Now I have learned to ask and be thankful, stop and stop on time, spend energy more consciously, help more efficiently and, of course, with pleasure.

We all come from childhood

But once it was different, and I really appreciate this experience. I do not want to dismiss him, so today I am writing "praise to tactless people."

It is a tribute to our inept, "limitless" and children's desire to be approved and necessary, which pushed us to salvation and tactlessness. It was our way to fetch for ourselves a piece of love that was never enough in childhood.

And the inability to ask and use the “tactlessness” of others is our way of avoiding the risk of being rejected or enslaved. Our attempt to snatch respect and care without absorption and depreciation, which we inherited in childhood more than we could bear.

Tactlessness is a personality trait, manifested in a decrease in the level of constructive, positive and good-naturedly directed communication. Usually, this style of communication is built deliberately, in order to harm or from indifference to the feelings of others. Own egoism in a tactless person always comes first, requiring constant attention in the center with a disregard for the needs and thoughts of others.

The concept of tactlessness is multifaceted and includes a variety of manifestations. For example, this includes the lack of awareness of one’s own negative qualities, and their projection onto others or insensitivity to the emotional sphere of others.

The main reason for the manifestation of tactless behavior can be considered not so much the lack of proper education and awareness of etiquette, as internal personality disorders. There are cases when a person with several higher educations, brought up in an intelligent family is categorically tactless in communication, while another, who has grown up in a boarding school and has not finished school, will show a high degree of sensitivity and tact in his manifestations.

The personal reasons that cause tactlessness of people can be considered in the understanding and sense of self, because when sensitivity to internal processes is violated, it is impossible to properly navigate in the external interaction.

The mechanism is quite simple - internal tension builds up from an internal conflict, and the stronger and longer it is restrained, the brighter will be the splash of all the negative that has accumulated in the soul. Many even talk about the impossibility of controlling offensive comments.

What it is

The concept of tactlessness has unconscious and conscious manifestations. Unconscious manifestations include tactlessness as a way of psychological defense - not being able to resist beautifully and harmoniously, understanding a huge number of internal contradictions, a person in almost any way feels the threat of attack. It is this fear of being uncovered or wounded that makes a person attack in advance, causing an aggressive reaction of the super-measure.

Conscious tactlessness is a way to achieve some goals - it can be a temporary destabilization of someone else’s state, the desire to be in the center of attention, to move up the career or social ladder using manipulative and vile methods.

The tactlessness of people is manifested in the absence of taste and tact, an unpleasant style of communication with others when they are subjected to moral injections. In addition to words, there is a behavioral aspect of manifestations - such a person always appears at the most unexpected and unfortunate moment, may remain at the beginning of an intimate conversation, or may not be able to compare the loudness and intonation of spoken words with the situation and reaction of other people. Gossip, gossip, abusive reviews about everyone you can reach are signs of tactlessness. Moreover, such a person does not stop before discussing intimate details or may even invent them, and the topic for caustic and offensive remarks may even be a lack of appearance or congenital diseases.

Directed tactlessness is attributed to psychological and energetic vampirism, because often after communicating with such a person there is a loss of strength, bouts of cramping and pain are not uncommon. Such phenomena are explained not only by energy laws, but also by the structure of the psyche, as well as by the mechanisms of psychosomatics. Any tactless intrusion is perceived as a violation of personal boundaries, getting into and careless attitude to sensitive topics and weak points leads to the activation of physical clamps. This is because a person who adheres to the norms of cultural communication remains discouraged by other people's behavior and does not react verbally, but the body nevertheless produces adrenaline for protection, which then accumulates with clamps and transforms into pain.

This behavior can be adjusted or developed. So, being in a social, cultural environment, unworthy manifestations of a person can be smoothed out due to the reaction of others. The most tactful remarks look, sounding not directly about the inadmissibility of such a tone and statements, but that a person, apparently, is tired or not feeling well if he escaped.

But the correction, unfortunately, is far from always possible, because a person with prevailing tactlessness equals everyone in himself and considers the norms of behavior and communication style to be exclusively the same as him. The intelligentsia is often trampled upon for its insecurity, sensitive individuals can be called whiners and more. In this case, you can only include a defensive strategy, thanks to which it will not be possible to change a person, but it will be possible to get rid of his attacks. From uncomfortable questions, you can laugh it off or answer extremely broadly, you can also ignore the question, as well as a person in principle. More active and effective behavior can come down to a mutual unpleasant question, just do not look for painful or secret topics, it is better to ask how the person is concerned about the information about your personal life that he is interested in. In general, not engaging in dialogue is sometimes the only way - increase the distance, refer to employment and so on.

Lifelessness Examples

There are many examples of tactlessness in everyday life, and some of them may not be perceived in this vein, but justified by a clumsy person or a lack of understanding of the situation. Cases when a person asks for help from people who are not suitable for this: the one who is busy, those who have suffered in a similar situation, the one whom he himself did not help when he turned. Discussion of people of various categories in their presence, for example, you can complain about all the women at the table on March 8, speak abusively about Jews, knowing for sure that they are present or express the opinion that old age is terrible in any manifestations at the anniversary.

These, it would seem, are moments of tact in the areas that everyone is informed about from childhood. But no one will tell about the fact that you don’t need to drag a person who has just returned and not even supper for a walk - here you need inner sensitivity. To ask for money from the one who has just suffered heavy financial losses or to demand the return of the debt from the one who spent the last on treatment is an extra reminder of a difficult fate and seriously injures another. Some meticulousness in the explanations can cause a person to tell the situation extremely long, taking into account many details, and at the same time the audience will be delayed when the essence of the problem was clear at the beginning. Disrespect for the opinions of others is one of the main features of tactlessness.

There is no subtle humor and relevance of such remarks in tactlessness. It will be ridicule, cruel, loud and overt, the guide for which is usually envy or lack of topics in their own lives. Even people with lack of tact can even comment on new sandals so that the owner of the new thing will never wear them again, no matter how comfortable or beautiful they are.

The desire to get into someone else's life can be expressed in unwanted matchmaking, when young people who see each other for the first time are closed in one room so that they get to know each other better. The second option is to discuss a private life in secret. The fewer people give out information, the more they come up with it, and not positive, and even tell all the common friends as verified and reliable information. Stories about who is sleeping with whom, that the girl was promoted because she is the boss's lover, and the student bought a fur coat with money earned by prostitution - something that tactless people spread. It is characteristic that if you approach them with a direct clarification of the reasons for this, then the victim will have to prove for quite some time that the situation is different.

And completely disarming examples of tactlessness concern sudden unpleasant or too personal issues. A person can be directly asked when he is finally losing weight or why he looks so bad, questions may also contain a hint of why this happened. So such options are quite possible: “Why is the second day in the same jeans? Is there nothing to wear, or did you hang around somewhere all night? "Or" Has your wife left you yet? I could not bear drunkenness. " The phrase itself is constructed in such a way that a person feels inferior or defective and gets lost in the answers, but this is not only about the attack, care is also tactless.

Constant interest in whether a lonely girl has already found a husband seems to express her feelings for her fate, but actually hurts, here you can include questions about the timing of the wedding, the birth of a child. The military may be asked about the number of people killed and the ways, from pensioners about the meagerness of pensions, from raped people about whether they enjoyed and so on. The main feature is that the person is completely not oriented in the situation and does not care about the feelings of others.