Doesn't want to go to college. What are the options if not to study

I am 19 years old .. I have a problem that I cannot cope with on my own - social phobia. Because of this, I have problems with my studies, I am always late and often just miss ..
I try to force myself to go, but having already arrived at the right metro station, where the college is located, I immediately start with uncontrollable fear, my heart is pounding, and I feel bad in general. It probably appeared from school, but it was not so pronounced, and some teachers helped in the acquisition (I determined the name of my condition only recently, did not indicate it in any way before, did not consider it a problem). In college, at first I felt fine, but I didn't make friends with anyone (I just didn't agree with my interests), I didn't get along with the class teacher and the master - and then it all started. Intellectually I understand that nothing terrible is happening, but it is impossible to control ... Now I am a third year student. The first two with grief in half unlearned, but in September, the horror began completely. I go to college very rarely ... It's really scary to go to tears. I constantly go to hospital certificates. Because of the eternal absences from college, they scold and quarrel with my mother at home ... Now I can’t sleep, tomorrow I’ll take a test in chemistry, which I don’t know and have never been since September ... I can’t go there, if I come, there will be swearing from all the teachers, threats of expulsion, and if I don’t go, I’ll have a fight with my mother ... I really don’t want to quarrel with her, she is the closest person, but when it comes to studies and my passes, she swears very much , but my tongue does not turn to say that I am afraid to go to college, that I feel bad ... How to talk to mom ?! How can I tell her the reason for my absence? I won't be able to go to school in the morning ... I'm already scared to tears.
P. S. The problem concerns not only educational institutions, but also in public places where they can pay attention to me, I also feel discomfort and fear, but in a less pronounced form ...

Malchri

Svetlana Dyachenko

Administrator

Hello! May I know your name?
From the description of your situation, it cannot be said unequivocally that you have social phobia.
When did your condition worsen? What exactly do you think it was connected with (deterioration)? You graduated from school.

You write that you have to force yourself to go to college. Do you want to get the profession for which you are studying?
You write that you do not agree with the interests of certain people. It turns out that you have other interests, and there may be other people with whom you can converge in interests?
What are your interests?
It turns out that you are able to communicate, but you don’t want to do what you don’t like, you don’t want to enter into conflicts, communicate with people with other interests. This is quite normal, even one of the other follows.
You write that your condition was "helped by some teachers".
What exactly do you mean? Are there any specific situations that you have in mind?

As I understand it, your main question is: How to talk to your mom?
What do you want to convey to your mom?
You are an adult and are able to independently make decisions about your future. What do you yourself want in this situation?

Hello. This condition began to bother me from the middle of the 8th grade, when preparations began for the final transfer exam (from 8th to 9th, in basic subjects). There were two teachers at school (in Russian and in chemistry), who considered it their duty to spread rot at every lesson. At first, there were no situations that served their relationship. But I did vocals at school, stayed after lessons for classes, performed at all concerts. From this began humiliation, condemnation "you will not learn anything else. Your only skill, and you will not be able to work with anyone .." If a school concert was approaching or I was preparing for a competition, in the classroom they tried to hurt me, humiliate, and amuse classmates ..

After all this, I began to involuntarily be late for school (the Russian lesson was often the first, then it could be any other, and then literature with the same teacher). And sometimes the first lesson was chemistry .. Even when I tried to be in time for the lessons, I didn’t succeed, something always interfered (I started to feel sick, my blood pressure rose, fever, my legs cramped ..) When I was late, I could come to the second lesson , but I definitely met with these teachers somewhere, they scolded me, trying so that others could hear "that you have come, go to sleep", etc.

I have weakened immunity, I began to get sick very often and for a long time (ARVI proceeded without fever, and if it rose, then no higher than 37.5). Constant inquiries also became a reason for humiliation .. When in the 9th grade preparations began for the GIA, the hassle became constant, especially from the chemistry teacher, who had absolutely nothing to do with the GIA and my certificate (she was told about this, but only pissed her off more). Through tears and frayed nerves, I nevertheless passed the GIA the first time (Russian is almost five, and I have big problems with mathematics, I passed it only by 8 points, with 6 minimum).

I graduated from school and began to go to college to become a chef, a pastry chef (I don’t want to be a chef, but I’m very even a pastry chef, and there are no separate confectionery colleges in Moscow). Entered, began to study. At first everything was fine, I liked it, but there was a little anxiety when I went to school, but it seemed that it didn't bother me too much. But I didn’t make friends with the group (I’m just not interested in communicating with them, they all have favorite activities to smoke, drink, discuss who with whom and when, and almost all speech is obscene.) I have no bad habits, and their topics of conversation I'm not interested. (if I communicate with someone, then with older people, it is more comfortable for me to communicate with my mother's friends, for example. And my interests are: theater, cinema, vocals, animals ..)

In college, I was just on my own, not focusing on it in any way. I communicated with them only on issues of study. Then classmates began to worry that I do not smoke and do not use foul language at all. They drew attention to this and began to provoke me to swear .. I began to enrage them, openly saying: "What, saint or what?" And then I became one of the group who did not like the class teacher, she began to humiliate me in front of everyone, she was also worried about the fact why I did not communicate with anyone, in front of everyone she asked: “Why are you not so contact? everyone, in general, you don't go with anyone during recess. Why didn't you like your classmates? " (that's exactly what she said, word for word). After that, classmates often tried to insult me, make fun of me, and classy hands. Seeing this, she was smiling pretty ..

So I finished the first year. The class teacher from the second year no longer led our group, only the master remained (I did not get along with him either, he behaved like a six class teacher, he always agreed with her). I thought that from the second year everything would be fine, but I continued to get sick often, I was late, I got sick all the time. Because of this, problems with studies began, there are a lot of misses and tails in subjects .. I barely finished my second year, and in the third (final) year everything became even worse. Since September, the state before college has been terrible, almost panic-stricken. Even at home it becomes bad, but on the way it is bad and scary .. There are so many situations in my head at once .. What will happen when I come to college, when I meet teachers, the administration ...

In November, I was already summoned to the teacher's council because of absences, threatened to be expelled, there were 20 people (all teachers, masters ... even those whom I don't know). And now they are all sitting in the classroom at their desks, the director calls me and they begin to scold me together. At first I stood and listened, my heart was pounding terribly, my head was spinning .. I stood, stood, and then the tears poured themselves ... And they continued .. A state of panic, I could not calm down. For three or four minutes I stood like that .. Then they let me go and I sobbed in the toilet, I could not come to my senses.

After that, I barely went to lessons for a week, and then hopeless inquiries began. Can't bring myself to go to college.
As I am going, I experience an overwhelming fear bordering on panic. I understand that this is very stupid, that I earn even more problems, but I cannot do anything with myself.

All this, from the 8th grade, worries not only at school - just in crowded places: Metro, shopping center, clinic, supermarket, bus ... Everywhere it is uncomfortable when people are nearby, the feeling that everyone is looking, legs give way, it becomes uncomfortable ... Eating outside the home is generally a problem for me, in college in a cafeteria or in a shopping center (food court), I generally can't eat when strangers are around, especially if someone is looking.

And there are no friends at all, not a single one. There are some people with whom I can communicate more or less, but also very uncomfortable.
Things got worse after a teacher's council in college. Now I don't know what to do with it at all.

Malchri

May I have your name?
You have understandable reasons for your fears, which you yourself are aware of, and this is very good. Understanding the cause of your problems is already the beginning of solving them.
As far as I understand, you are in your last year, and, in fact, there are several months left to finish this educational institution and you will be free from it. Right?
As far as I understand, you still would like to finish your studies and would not want to leave it, given that two years have already been "tortured", right?

It seemed to me paradoxical that your lateness increases the likelihood of unpleasant consequences, but nevertheless, you are always late.
Usually anxious people try in every possible way to avoid situations where stress is possible for them. And you have the opposite.
Why do you think this is so? Are you self-punishing yourself?

Describe the palette of your feelings that you are experiencing? Fear of public "lecture", what feelings still bother you?

What ways out of this situation did you consider?

My name is Christina.
Yes, I would really like to graduate from college. I don’t even know why I’m late, one thought that I need to go to school and I feel physically ill (headache, nausea, hands shaking, internal chills ...), because of this I become distracted, lose the passage of time. If you wake up much earlier, start getting ready in advance, then it becomes even more bad for me and I'm still late.

Now I have a lot of passes (both with and without certificates), but in such subjects as chemistry, English individual project (this subject is taught by the director), social studies - I have never been since the beginning of the school year. In all these subjects I have problems, I don't know them (social studies only somehow), they are not given to me at all .. When I come to college, for these subjects I will be heavily charged, threats of expulsion, etc.
I am worried about the fear of such a "report", the fear of doing something wrong and embarrassing (when, for example, I just walk, I’m afraid to stumble), the fear of contacting classmates (everything inside immediately grows cold, my heartbeat quickens when I’m just around, even if I don’t communicate).

Another problem is that I cannot talk on the phone with strangers (for example, if they call from an unfamiliar number, I basically don’t fit, or when I myself need to call somewhere, for example, find out the opening hours of the clinic, etc., I am very it's hard to do it. My mouth dries up, my heart is pounding again ..). Another anger at the master, because it is he who provokes the administration and the teachers, and he himself stands and watches how they humiliate me, if it were not for him, I could solve the issues of study gradually .. There would be no such problems. And also an insult, I do not understand at whom and for what, but it is very insulting that everything is so.

It's a shame that it all started with me. And I do not know how to cope with this, turn to a psychologist (or psychotherapist) for help, at the moment the only option, but financial opportunities do not allow to do this in person, outside the Internet

Question to the psychologist:

Hello. My name is Ksenia, I am 18 years old.

Last year I entered the specialty "photographer". Life in the new city sparkled with colors and bright moments. I began to get to know myself and discovered new potential in myself, but the problem is that I completely lost interest in studying and in my profession. Naturally, I do not go to classes, I have a lot of debts for my studies. I have other perspectives in my life. I plan to study English and modern cinema, do decorative arts, go to exhibitions, get to know myself through literature, travel and live for myself. I realized that life is not limited to one college education, there are many other opportunities that can realize me as a person. Isn't that the main thing in life? - Self-realization? BUT! I live in a society where education plays an important role. Parents, friends and a young man insist that I need to finish my studies at this college, I need to have at least some education, but I just can't. There is no desire to go to couples, I can't even get over myself. I just don't want to study at this institution. I think that I will soon be expelled because of absenteeism and debts, and to go to fix everything - there is no strength and desire.

How should I be? I want to study, but not in this college, I want to gain new knowledge and broaden my horizons, but my profession and this level of education do not satisfy my needs, my soul requires more, but everyone says in a voice: "LEARN!"

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Ksenia!

Reading your letter, I got the feeling that you are looking for permission or support in your desire to drop out of college. As I read, I wanted to say - do what you want and can! But I won't write such words for you, because these words are words for a teenager or a child who needs a kick or support and permission. And you are a quite ambitious, adult girl, and the desire to drop out of college carries a considerable responsibility. And if you are to drop out of college, then from an adult position, and not from a child's "everything pisses me off, nimagunikhachu."

From an adult position, I suggest you take a sober look at the situation and calculate everything. On one half of the paper, write all the pros, resources, opportunities for your college dropout option. Next, you rank each item from 1 to 10, where 10 is the most significant, 1 is the least important to you. On the second half of the sheet, write down all the negative consequences, limitations of the option where you drop out of college. Especially remember what relatives are shouting with one voice, what are the arguments. Fix them too. And then - also rank according to the degree of importance for you personally.

In adulthood, everything has its pros and cons. And also any decision made has consequences. If you are clear about the consequences of your decision to drop out of college, and you are ready to face them, then there will be no more obstacles in the way of your desire. If, on the contrary, you start to slow down more strongly, it means that either your desire is not strong and meaningful enough, or your inner parent woke up and began to sound the alarm. And this is already about the internal conflict between the desired and the due - and then you need to analyze it in more depth and in detail. It is advisable to be accompanied by an experienced specialist - a psychologist.

Everyone knows that learning is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. Every day, the student has to get ready for school, sit in the classroom, memorize a lot of new information, write it down, answer in front of the whole class and write tests. But this is not the most difficult thing, since in addition to this, they have to return home, where they again continue their studies - read paragraphs, do exercises received at home, learn poems and solve complex problems. Therefore, don’t say, but teaching is a titanic work, especially for a child. There is nothing surprising in the fact that with such a tough regime, not all children can stand it, some of them start skipping lessons, not doing homework, etc. However, forcing a child to learn is not the surest way out of the situation. You need to approach the educational process carefully, and most importantly - correctly!

In general, the question "How to force yourself to study" is often asked by students, since there is more control at the school desk: teachers monitor your progress, parents "push" for bad grades, and other students do not treat you with respect if you are constantly in the "losers" in terms of academic performance. In lyceums, institutes and universities, the student is in control. Since you are considered already an adult, who himself has the right to decide how to study: good or bad. However, such freedom somewhat intoxicates a young man or girl, and not everyone knows how to come to their senses in time and think about the fact that with such a riotous life they can slide down the ladder of life. And then the student asks himself a difficult, but rather interesting question: “How can I force myself to study ??”. Today you will find out the answer!

12 ways to force yourself to learn

Set the task correctly! First of all, you (the student) must correctly set yourself a task or goal. Think not about how to force yourself to learn, but about how how to start studying well, because you still, in fact, learn and will continue to learn. The formulation of the task is very important, a person is a rather strange creature, and if you force yourself to do something, then your subconscious mind will resist this, and will interfere with the planned tasks (teach lessons, listen to the teacher, etc.). Moreover, you will get much more pleasure from such disobedience than from following your goal.

If you formulate your question in a different way, for example: "How to finish this year perfectly?" or “How to start studying well this semester?”, then you will not notice how you will start looking for ways to get a good grade in school, that is, your consciousness will start working in cooperation with the subconscious, focusing on a positive result.

The psychological aspect is very important in the learning process, so try not to force yourself to learn, but look for a good reason that can change your attitude towards learning in a favorable direction. But more on that in the next paragraph.

Find the motivation (reason) to study well. As we said, motivation to learn is the best teaching method. Your task is to find an incentive that would work exactly in your case. Motivations are of a different nature, for example, some are affected by the following phrase: If you don’t start studying, then in the next semester you will be expelled from the educational institution! Although this call will not work for another person.

For most, perspective is a good motivation, but for some, long-term perspective works: If I graduate from this university with excellent marks, I will be able to get a job with a high salary and the ability to move up the career ladder. For others, the perspective should be closer and more real: If I finish the last semester well, then my father will buy a ticket to the camp, where I will go with friends for the whole summer!

We do not know what can make you learn exactly, but we know for sure that there is such motivation. Find her! In general, we would say that the incentive to learn takes one of the leading roles in learning, if it is found and used by a student, then he is able to achieve incredible success.

If you are a parent and are reading this article in the hope that you can figure out how to get your child to learn, then we would advise you to learn about his relationship in the classroom. Sometimes the motivation to learn disappears precisely because of conflicts with other children. This happens especially often with adolescents who rarely want to go to school or another educational institution.

Set up your workplace. It would seem how such a minor issue as arranging a student's workplace can affect learning, but believe me, it can radically change the speed of homework and its quality. We agree that lying on a bed with a tablet or laptop is quite pleasant to do "homework", but it is completely ineffective. Since in the supine state, a person remembers and understands it much worse, and most importantly - more slowly. This is due to the physiological characteristics of the structure of human organs. Try to make yourself a small place in the house in which you will be exclusively engaged in business related to training. A special feature of this place should be that it will not have a computer, laptop, tablet, or mobile phone. Only necessary notebooks, books and stationery (pen, pencil, eraser, etc.).

A computer or other technology can greatly distract from the educational process. After all, you have a lot of temptations: icq, skype, VKontakte, interesting sites, films, music, games, etc. Therefore, it is necessary to resort to it only in those cases when it is specifically required for the performance of a particular task.

Those who are accustomed to the fact that there should always be a computer on the desktop without it, the table seems boring and dull, we advise you to organize everything on the table in such a way that it looks beautiful and interesting: buy new bright stationery, replace a boring desk lamp, with new and original. In addition, it is better to place the table near the window so that not only daylight illuminates the workplace, but also the view from the window allows you to be distracted or, on the contrary, concentrate.

If the computer takes a lot of free time from you, but you cannot resist this, then we advise you to think about the fact that computer radiation is harmful to human health: it impairs vision, there are ailments associated with the gastrointestinal tract, and problems with the nervous system appear.

Change your clothing style. Of course, clothing cannot make you start learning, but its style can serve as a wave of the starting flag for an athlete. Let's explain in a little more detail: each of us knows how to distinguish a good student from a bad one. A good student is always dressed neatly and strictly (especially for guys), which cannot be said about a bad student, his style is always radically different from the one that should be dressed in an educational institution. So, when this very "not very good" student comes to class in a strict suit, the attitude towards him sharply changes, both among the students and among the teaching staff. And the first thought that arises among those around him is “Is it possible that Ivanov (for example) finally took hold of his mind and began to study ?!”. Yes, yes, with the help of a simple change of image, you can achieve such changes in your attitude towards yourself. Naturally, after everyone has thought so well of you, it will be difficult to turn into a bummer who goes to classes to “sit his pants” again.

Create a fun activity out of learning (mind map method)... You've probably noticed that many of the girls in your group, at lectures, do not write in solid text, but using various markers and quotes. Their recorded lectures are often not just a few pages of the teacher's handwritten phrases, but a whole masterpiece of art: important phrases are written in a different color, the rules are highlighted in various rectangular tables. The text contains a lot of underlines and highlights with a marker or other ink. Even small sketches are made with a pencil and a ruler. Do you think that they are just doing nonsense ?! You are wrong, they turn a boring lecture into an interesting activity by coloring and highlighting the main points. In addition, at home it will be easier for them to remember this information, since they memorize terms not only in meaning, but also visually, which allows them to remember the information faster and better.

When it is difficult to remember some information, try to understand it not literally, but through analogies. For example: remember the name "Battle of Borodino", you can use its analogy with "Borodino bread"; remember the initials of Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin, you can, as "Pushkin - ace (the best specialist)". Examples, perhaps, not the most successful, the main thing is to grasp the meaning and use it in your training.

To make learning even more interesting and comfortable, buy notebooks with beautiful covers, keep comfortable and bright notebooks and use colorful sticky notes for reminders. Change pens more often and choose them not only for comfort in writing, but also for a beautiful or unusual design. From time to time, use pens whose ink smells, the delicious smell will also cheer you up, and when you open the notebook, you will not only remember your duties, but also some delicious fruit or chewing gum.

Reward yourself for success. It is difficult to force a teenager or an adult boy (girl) to study, but it is quite possible. Use rewarding methods for this, for example: you unlearned today and did not receive a single bad mark - praise yourself and allow yourself today to walk for an hour or two. And if they also received a good mark in an important subject, then here you can still reward yourself with something delicious (chips, chocolate or pizza). Passed an exam or test - a bigger prize is supposed to be here: go with friends to a club, cafe or to a disco. Remember that the promotion should only be if you really deserve it. If you are guilty, then there can be no question of any prize or rest. You must realize all the sweetness of victory and the bitterness of defeat.

Evaluate yourself for success soberly and honestly, sometimes a strained four deserves more praise than a solid five. In addition to grades, you can reward yourself for the tickets you have learned, homework done, going to the library, active work in the lesson, etc. That is, the results can be expressed in completely different ways. Don't get hung up on grades. It would be more correct to focus on the knowledge gained. After all, as we know, the assessments that teachers give us are not always objective.

The first step is difficult! The hardest part of learning is the first step, the beginning of the process. Admit it to yourself, how often did it happen that you delayed your homework until the last hours of your waking hours ?! Probably often - after all, there are always things that seem more important than homework. Agree that getting started with your homework is always more difficult than finishing it. It is so?!

The main reason for a difficult start is banal laziness. Homework can be a matter for 15 minutes, but you need to sit down for it, start thinking, and how you don't want to do this. The sooner you overcome laziness in yourself, the sooner you will begin to study well.

Study well from the first semester! If you decide to end this year with good grades and show yourself in the best light in front of teachers, parents and friends, then start to study well from the first semester. Don't put it off until later. At the beginning of the year (after the holidays), all tasks will accumulate gradually, and this is a chance to solve them quickly and correctly. If you delay, then towards the end of this year or semester you will get an unpleasant situation, there will be little time left until the end, and there will be a lot of tasks and tasks. And you will no longer think about good grades, but about having time to pass the subject before the session. Learn to distribute the study load evenly and then you will definitely succeed!

Work more in the classroom so you have less homework. A clever way for those who know how to value their time. It often happens that the teacher has time to finish the lesson before the call and, in order not to burden you with unnecessary information, offers to go about your business. We do not advise you to waste this time, you are still at school, at your desk and cannot communicate loudly with friends, so use this time wisely: start doing your homework. Let not on this subject, but on another, even if not for tomorrow. No matter! The main thing is that you will save yourself time at home, which means that you can walk with friends in the fresh air for an extra 10-20 minutes.

Organize contests and marathons. Try to negotiate with your parents for a kind of competition in which they will sponsor prizes. For example: if in the next two weeks you get only good grades in algebra, then after these two weeks they will buy you a new mobile phone (for example). The time and gift may vary depending on your previous academic success and the well-being of your family. If you set conditions for a year or a semester, then take into account two factors, firstly, in six months or a year, the family budget may change (and not always for the better), so try to get guarantees from your parents for one or another purchase. Secondly, keep in mind that it is very, very difficult to motivate yourself to buy the same bike all year round. Sooner or later, you may not keep the bar raised.

Manage your time wisely. Try to learn from the compiled regime. For example, right after class, do not come and sit at the computer, but come and sit at the kitchen table, eat, then go to do homework, and in the evening go out for a walk or go to the club. Thus, you will always know that at this time you need to do your homework, and not rest. Do not be afraid to experiment with your regimen, as some cannot be forced to study right after school, they first need rest, and they start their lessons the next day early in the morning, but this mode is quite risky, since there is always a chance to oversleep.

Develop your willpower. Sometimes it happens that no competition and no motivation can make a student start learning. In such cases, there is only one piece of advice: “Grit your teeth, gather all your willpower into a fist, and by all means, start learning! Not because you want to, but because it is so NECESSARY! ". Thus, you will develop your willpower, which will come in handy more than once in the future. Good luck!

Good morning. It just so happens that I don't want to go to college. As a child, I dreamed of becoming a Machinist, so I went to study with him, but I have hobbies for 4-5 years, these are: Programming (not 4-5 years, but from November 14) and Computers. Perhaps I am to some extent a gambling addict (but I don’t feel myself as such, because I can easily live without a computer and games, and programming), but my parents are trying in every possible way to deprive me of this, arguing that: no one needs my programs, my light hobbies with computers are useless because bring me nothing. They constantly reproach me for sitting and playing with these "toys" of mine. But they don't even have a clue about my interests and my hobby. Trains mean nothing to me now. As a child, yes, but not now.
Why am I all this. My father promised that if I am expelled from college (and I study for a fee, not cheap), he will first put me in Crazy. dispensary as a gambling addict in order to "cure" from "gambling addiction", and then said this (exact quote): "If you are expelled, then there will be no more son for me, I will give a fuck about you, who you are, what you eat, where do you sleep, what you are wearing, etc., and you will also return me all the money I spent on you (~ 100,000). "
To put it mildly, he is crazy for me, he can easily break all the electronics for me (phone, tablet, screen, system block).
Now I sit and do not understand what to do next, tk. I cannot study further ...
If all the same this happens, then I do not see any more way out how to try to commit suicide. (Or at least try it.
Support the site:

anonim, age: 02/11/2016

Feedback:

Hey! In your situation, it seems to me, there are 2 ways out. The first is to try to persuade the parents. Why is dad acting like this? Probably, he has some problems that you may simply not know about. Take an interest, just do it unexpectedly and calmly. Maybe sometime help him, do something to him. You are one family and should not be enemies to each other. If a normal relationship is established between you, then it will be much easier to talk to him about your study. The arguments may be that he did not pay this money in vain, because you will not go to study for the first year. You will also explain that you admit your mistake in choosing a specialty, because this happens to many at your age. Only if you are going to move to another institution, think over everything to the smallest detail in advance. It is also important that you become a member of an already established team and that you will soon become an adult draftee. Suddenly difficulties arise during the transfer and as a result you will find yourself in a completely different place ... The second way out is to continue your studies here, at least for the sake of your parents. There are times in life when you do something through "I can't". Let this challenge be the first serious stage in your life, which you just need to endure and overcome. You are already rather big, you need to develop character. Study at least intermediate, just to get a diploma. As soon as you finish, immediately find out about the places where you can study computers. Don't stop now, improve your skills. Read books, articles about it, make programs. This is very much in demand now on the labor market, because everything in the world is moving to computers. What you are currently studying in college can also help, at least indirectly. You are still quite young, and you can study your favorite business all your life. There is always a chance to become a highly qualified specialist, especially if you enjoy your work. Such are the tips. Which one to use is up to you. But in any case, I wish you good luck!

Mikhail, age: 02/11/2016

Anonymous, hello! You know, I also went to college for a profession that I'm not particularly interested in, I just had to. And I don't regret it. You, too, can get a secondary specialized education, and then work as anyone, even fix computers, since you understand this! You dreamed of becoming a machinist before, why not make your childhood dream come true? After college you will be able to work in this profession, what if you like it? And programming, computers are a good hobby, if you master it, it will bring a second, additional income.

In the end, you don’t like being a machinist, you’ll save money, take some additional programming courses to get a crust. And you will be able to work normally in your favorite profession.

d, age: 02/11/2016

Anonymous hello! I work in an IT company myself and from my own experience I can say that before plunging into this abyss, you should prepare yourself and check yourself. There is a lot of competition and you, as a specialist, must be competitive. Since this market is very developed. If you have the ability, then why not combine for a start? Try to learn yourself for this business.

Unnamed, age: 02/11/2016

Hello! Playing with life and death is not a good idea! You will not prove anything to anyone with your attempts, but you can definitely get registered in a psychiatric dispensary. So don't even think about the terrible. There is very little left and you are an adult, an adult. If you think that you can live independently, without the help of your dad, then it is quite possible to do as you see fit. But where is the guarantee that in half a year you will not be interested in programming as well ?! Maybe that's why dad doesn't want you to drop out of college. Maybe you should learn to be a machinist, and then master the profession of a programmer, why not ?! Believe me, all the knowledge and skills will come in handy in your life! Hold on! Everything will be fine!

Irina, age: 02/11/2016

Why do you need these problems, friend? Programmers, a dime a dozen, looking for work. A machinist is a good male profession - get it and you will always have something to provide for yourself and your children. If you do not want to - you will always have time to become a programmer. Do everything in stages. And most importantly - keep peace in your soul and around you. Respect your father. Be friends with him and appreciate him. A person who respects his parents is always successful in life - this has been known throughout the ages.

Nathanael, age: ** / 02/11/2016

Hey! I fully admit that I do not want to study. This is difficult to surprise. Most people learn without much enthusiasm because it’s not easy.
The best option is to graduate from college (not that long!), While improving in programming.
After college (if the interest does not fade away) - you can learn to be a programmer.
You can't absolutely do one thing all the time. This is not useful - time. Such a personality develops one-sidedly, not harmoniously. From what the very same person will suffer.
Secondly, it is extremely unreasonable to "put all your eggs in one basket"! It is clear why. So in life it is always better to have an "alternate airfield". Suddenly something goes wrong with the programming - then you will return to the trains.

Elena Ordinary, age: 40 / 11.02.2016

Hey! Well, you definitely don't need to try to commit suicide. You just faced the first difficulties in life, you have to try to overcome them. It seems to me that you always have to act wisely and be able to make some compromises. After all, you can make your parents happy and you will do what you love? If you want to become a programmer, then you must be able to calculate the probabilities and sequences of actions and find the optimal result. This is where we need to start.
Parents have already paid for the education, and they want you to receive a specialty that can feed you in the future. They are doing the right thing. Another question is whether you will work in this specialty or not. This is your business. But now they give you what they can.
But you can study programming in parallel. Maybe some courses have online courses and all sorts of applications for beginners. And then you can get a second education. And there are self-taught programmers who do very serious things. The whole question is how you allocate your time now. You can also learn programming in your free time from school, and not play. And if your parents see that your hobby is serious, that there is a result, then maybe they will help you get additional education. Or you finish your studies, go to work, and pay for the tuition yourself. The main thing is to do something. And games are really time-consuming. And there is not much time for getting an education. So go ahead. Everything will be fine!

My son entered college after grade 9. The first session was difficult. Now the second is under threat. He doesn't want to sit in class. He says that he cannot sit for a long time. And everyone knows that senior students are extorting money, but no one is doing anything. But it's not that. Like everyone else, he gives money in the crowd and no problem. What should I do? How do you get him to learn? I started smoking. How to wean?

Hello Akbota! It is very difficult to make another person learn if he does not want to. Talk to your son, maybe he does not like the specialty or the relationship in the group. If there is no desire to study, perhaps let him go to the evening or correspondence department, the rest of the time let him work. Learned to smoke, because his environment smokes. If he likes to smoke, he is unlikely to want to quit. At this age, teenagers are guided by each other, if everyone smokes, he will smoke so as not to look like a black sheep. Limit it in money, give it only for food and travel. Even if he buys cigarettes one by one, he will not be able to buy a pack and he will not be able to smoke a lot. Talk to your son more often, not scolding him, but asking about his feelings and desires. This is the best way to build trust. Good luck to you!

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Hello. Akbota!

The fact that your son honestly admits to you that he does not want to study means a deep trust between you. This is an important plus.

The fact that, in principle, a young man at this age does not want to study means motivation - there is no need to study. Apparently you give him EVERYTHING and IMMEDIATELY as soon as he wants. Eat - please, cleanliness in the house - please, peace and quiet - please, a new shirt, for example - please. He does not know and does not understand - why should he study, if he is already warm, good and comfortable.

A big and very important question related to study indirectly:

Good luck to you !, your Zhanat.

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Hello Akbota!

You are requesting tools to manage your son so that he does what you see fit. I disagree with the very ideology of your approach to your son. I do not believe that you need to manage your child and force him to do what you want. This is the road to nowhere. For him - depending (worse than smoking), for you - alone. Therefore, I strongly urge you to reconsider your attitude towards your son, while you can still do something and give up the idea of \u200b\u200bmanaging him. I can offer you other relationships - on an equal footing, cooperating and supportive. And you, I think, will need to re-learn them, because there is no such model of relations with your child in your inner world yet. And it's up to you to decide if it will soil. All the best, Elena.

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Hello Akbota.

You wrote "session passed with difficulty. "About babies, mothers say:" We pooped, "" We learned, "" We ... "Later, there is a separation of mother and child. Adolescence is a particularly bright and important period of separation of the child, his formation as a separate personality. Your son is not a small child, and it’s time for you to learn to let him go and give him the opportunity to take responsibility for yourself. To smoke or not, he can decide for himself, because this is his health, study or not, too, because this is his future. not ready to "let go" of their son, and this is the first problem.

It is surprising to me how indifferent you are to what is important to your son. Exactly what is important to him, not what how You think it's important to him... He tells you that it is difficult for him, that it is uncomfortable to be in college. But I don't think it bothers you. And this is the second problem.

Until you, as a parent, begin to "listen and hear" your son, you will not be able to establish a relationship with him in any way. And your violent attempts will be perceived as hostile, and the son will do everything in his own way.

Talk to him, try to hear what he says to you. Maybe the profession that he chose is not suitable for him, then think about where you can transfer. It may be really difficult to be in a team, extortion is humiliating and unsafe (it is strange that you do not try to influence this situation in any way).

Adolescence itself is not easy. Every teenager tries to find himself. Exactly yourself, unique, with your own tastes and desires. At the same time, a strong restructuring of the body takes place. Studying is not at all interesting, in contrast to communication with peers. Consider also the fact that after school it is not easy for everyone to adapt to college, this is a kind of a turning point.

Difficulties will accompany your relationship with your son, if you do not learn to perceive him as a separate person from you, a full-fledged person and respect what is important to him.

Regards, Tamila.

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