How to get out of the vicious circle of life. Alexander bukhtiyarov - how to get out of the vicious circle
Have you ever had this: a certain situation happens and you understand that it has already happened? All over again. A woman marries an alcoholic, divorces and finds herself a drinking companion again. Or you borrow money over and over again that you don't get paid back. It doesn't matter what kind of trouble happens. If they are repeated with enviable regularity, then you are missing an important lesson in life. Until you master it, the situation will not improve. If you want to know how to get out of the vicious circle, you need to understand the reasons.
Walking in circles
Why does this happen? A person wants to be happy, but instead, every time he steps on the same rake. He leaves one place of work and ends up in another, often exactly the same. And it never occurs to anyone that they themselves attract repetitive situations, from which they need to get out in a different way. Then life will tick you the "lesson passed" checkbox, and you will move to a qualitatively new level.
But such a resolution of the situation is not always the case. More often than not, problems keep repeating, and you continue to overcome them with enviable persistence in old, proven ways that don't work.
But there is one more point to consider. By getting out of one situation in ineffective ways, you get a similar one, but with more level and power. That is, there will come a time when you simply cannot cope with it without attracting new ways. So life makes you learn a lesson and shows you how to get out of the vicious circle.
How a vicious circle forms
It can also be called the wheel of fate. In general, the definition of a generic curse fits here. After all, our parents pass on to us certain patterns of behavior that lead to the same results, both in theirs and in our lives. So it turns out that the fate of the child is similar to the fate of his parents.
To get out of the wheel of fate, you need to realize your mistakes and draw conclusions. And it doesn't matter in what situations the lesson is being worked out: in a training group, under the guidance of a psychologist, or in the big world, where the stakes are very high. The effect will be the same. Realization and forgiveness are the foundation. If you want to know how to get out of the vicious circle, then you need to learn to feel and analyze. That is, first of all, you need to allow yourself to live.
Why analysis doesn't work
Do not think that no one knows about such things. Most people are well aware that they themselves are responsible for what is happening and that they must change something. And so, we begin to analyze the situation. At the same time, the majority thinks: "Next time I say like this, I will lower myself like this." The universe takes this literally, as an order of a similar situation. Is it any wonder that you will soon encounter her?
But why doesn't analytics work? Because there are no two identical situations, two identical people. Even you yourself will not be the same when it comes time to implement all the planned moves and say the rehearsed words. And so, you are already thinking again: "Well, next time I ..."
What now, not to analyze at all? Why not just plan a fixed scenario, but honestly answer the questions:
- What has this situation taught me?
- What lesson did I learn from this?
And this lesson is not at all about the fact that this person is bad, but that this one is good. No, this lesson concerns your understanding, awareness and perception of the situation, your behavior. It is difficult to tell in a nutshell how to get out of the vicious circle, but gradually we move on.
Stop scolding ourselves for the mistakes of the past
This is one of the most important questions. Past failures, missed opportunities - all this gives rise to mental anguish and useless experiences. What was, you will not return. Talking about how to get out of the vicious circle of life, you need to learn to let go of the past. There are several important points here:
- Accept that then you acted on the basis of other knowledge and a different picture of the world. Perhaps an hour later you would have acted differently, but it was still a different you. Therefore, we did our best in your understanding based on the best options.
- Say that you approve of yourself. In any case and in any situation, you did the best or the only thing possible at that moment. Eating yourself for a mistake will not do anything good for your life, health, relationships, and money.
- Control yourself where you are now mentally: present, past or future. When you mentally fly into the past and try to solve a situation over which you no longer have control, you throw all your energy and forces into the past. Of course, the present and the future suffer.
Live here and now
This is also a very important practice to be realized. How to get out of the vicious circle of problems? You need to be constantly here and now, in the life process, controlling it. The more you are immersed in your experiences, in the past, the less energy you have for it. But how do you get the present back? There is a simple technique that works great.
Ask yourself regularly how you see, how you feel. List at the same time: "I see my healthy child sleeping. I hear a dog barking and birds singing. I feel the warmth of the sun, I feel joy or sadness, I want to cry or laugh ..." Such simple things allow me to return from non-being, when every day passes through a gray series of events for which you have neither the strength nor the desire.
It happens that you really want to indulge in nostalgia. Okay, but tell yourself, "I'm going back in time at 25 minutes "- and put a reminder on your phone. Now you can go.
Four steps to health and success
Everything mentioned above is very important. It is self-acceptance and learning to live today. Without these skills, it is difficult to imagine a successful person.
Now let's take a closer look at how to get out of the vicious circle of failures. And the first step is to remove the importance of the situation.
As long as you are emotionally involved in a situation that creates a vicious circle, you will not break out of it. Thoughts will go around in circles, bumping into anger, despair, which are not the best counselors. Therefore, remove the importance of the situation: try to distance yourself, do meditation, or just imagine yourself as a third person for whom the exit is not too important. Write on a piece of paper the problem in the form of a task and solutions.
Step two - creative thinking
A person is used to seeing one or two ways out. In fact, there can be tens and hundreds of them. Therefore, we learn to develop creative thinking and look for other ways out. For example, draw your problem not in a plane, but in 3D. That is, three axes, each of which will represent one of the components of the problem. Now draw a cube in the center. Place solutions inside it that satisfy you on all three dimensions. Further exits will be located, which limp to one of the sides.
Feedback
Most often, a person does not share his experiences, because this means that everyone will know about his mistakes. But in order to understand how to get out of the vicious circle of financial problems, sometimes it is enough to hear high-quality feedback. Don't be afraid to contact the experts. Moreover, an unfamiliar person is better able to help, he is impartial, not involved with you in the same relationship. He can offer a new way of looking at things and at once give a solution that you never knew existed.
Have worked and let go
Take a piece of paper and divide it in two. On the left side, write all the options for working with the problem that you have already tried. After that, go to the right side and write at least 2 times more solutions that will be new for you. And here you can include everything, even the most unreal at first glance. When you are finished writing, put the paper away and do not return to the problem for two days. After that, re-read what you have written. Chances are, you will see a real solution that will help break the vicious circle.
To become even more comfortable ... Sometimes people come to a psychologist with such requests. For example, a gentle and tactful person who finds himself in an unfriendly team with inadequate competition wants to learn how to “gnaw” his success with his teeth in consultation with a psychologist, shift the blame onto others and generally behave like an alpha male. Another example: a woman wants to become even more comfortable - in the hope of keeping a man who rejects her, devalues her and is generally going to leave, or maybe beats her up, blaming her for all sins. She had already turned almost inside out in front of him in an attempt to please, and now she turns to a psychologist with the question of how to become even more obsequious - and all in order to keep him.
That is, instead of learning how to stop the other, or at least show your pain, you seek to hide your feelings and vulnerability even more, and, ideally, completely lose sensitivity. Because in a toxic relationship there is no inspiration and space for your natural development, instead of growth, there is a contraction - and often you want to freeze and not feel anything. The tasks that others are broadcasting do not correspond to your values, and you find yourself in a trap: it is ineffective to be yourself, there is no desire to become different, and it all looks like a dead end.
Unfortunately, this will be a dead end if you do not change the perspective, the scale of the consideration of the situation and do not look more broadly.
How did you get involved in this relationship, for this job? What value do they carry for you now, and is it there? Maybe this is a stage already passed and there is no reason to restrain oneself in what does not lead to growth? Or maybe in this situation there is a meaning and development tasks that can be solved, learn something new and even enjoy the process of solving them and personal growth.
However, by exacerbating unhealthy relationships, you cannot make them healthier. The changes that a person stuck in such an impasse needs so much, new and more positive experience can come if you do something new, go beyond the proposed choice, do not agree to a pathological alternative.
For example, start noticing and respecting your boundaries. Strengthen, expand the zone of personal resources, self-esteem and sensitivity to the damage caused by the other - in a pathological relationship. Feeling resources, support, it is much easier to defend yourself, to fight back the offender or find safe places and people to which you can go. It is then that a change occurs and there is a chance to improve or break the relationship, for any change for the better. And instead of trying to please, completely sacrificing your life and your interests (and at the same time losing interest from the man), start remembering or looking for the taste of life, your hobbies and your outlook on things. Then it is possible to become interesting to this man. But without guarantees, because if you raise yourself for him, then it again comes down to sacrifice. Or already stop being good in the hope of ending aggression and bullying in the team, finding the ability to resist. Moreover, in its own unique way, which will be experienced by the natural flow of feeling from the inside out, and not by a mask of indifference or readiness to retaliate tightly pressed to a tear-stained face.
But these are all special cases, and if you generalize, then any attempts to be not yourself are doomed to failure. You can only look for your strength inside, and not in accordance with the expectations of others, especially aggressively minded others. And often, having found this strength and other aspects of oneself, a person becomes less controllable and less comfortable. And this is the risk inherent in any relationship. The risk that others will resist these changes. But, if the relationship is really important, then this is just a stage that you can go through together and go to a more constructive and prosperous relationship.
What is a vicious circle, why, if everything repeats to move along it? Why do many want to leave this circle?
Very often you can hear from people the question of how to get out of the circle. Home, work, home - a circle of unchanging events familiar to many. Everything happens according to the same scenario, everything is the same as before.
A circle always means something that repeats from time to time and does not move to a new level, unlike, for example, a spiral, which represents life and development.
When a person's “I” wakes up a little, he begins to ask questions, sees that a different, unusual or better development of events is possible, the question arises: “How can I get out of the vicious circle”. Many fall into this very unfortunate circle, in other words, into a trap. And what else to call when you want to achieve something more or at least a different result, but it turns out the same thing. How is this even possible?
The answer is simple and many people intuitively understand the answer. It's all about ourselves, the decisions we make, how we organize our life. Our actions and decisions, in turn, depend on thoughts and present thinking, on knowledge, strength, perception of the surrounding world (point of view on it). If we touch upon the side of the brain structure, then a vicious circle is rigidly formed neural connections that we repeat from day to day.
We create a vicious circle of everyday life, not showing more interest in life, an alternative vision. And if we are not interested in life, then why should we be interesting to her. Clap! We got caught in the trap. Life became gray and simple, everything began to repeat itself, because there is no interest, strength and desire for anything else.
Why is it important to get out of Groundhog Day?
Groundhog Day is an established metaphor for a vicious circle, a gray boring life, where everything happens according to the same scenario. Previously, most people were forced to live a boring life without changing anything in it for generations. This ensures survival, but always severely limits the spiritual potential, as well as the creativity and self-expression of the individual.
Nowadays, more and more people are trying to break out of a vicious circle or even several circles in order to gain more experience, prove their independence, find a better way of life for themselves or their families. Suppose your parents were always poor, like your grandparents. In order to become rich, you need to believe in yourself and try to get out of the usual poor scenario. You, at least, want it, and whether you do it or not depends on many factors.
Repetitive events can come because on the subconscious level you want to learn something or work out your negative destiny. In any case, the way out is the same. How do you get out of the trap of repetition and find freedom?
How to get out and a vicious circle in different areas of life?
First of all, it is worth accepting the immutable truth that you yourself create a vicious circle. Yes, it may seem that events develop in such a way that everything repeats itself, nothing changes, but in fact it is YOU who make the same choices that make you return again and again to old actions. The world around you just reacts to what you expect from it, no more. Below we will look at practical actions that will help, if you stick to them, move to a new level, get out of the crisis and start living freely.
Develop creativity- create whatever you want as you do it, no matter good or bad. Write pictures, music, songs, travel around cities, stroll to new places, dine in new cafes and pizzerias. Change the routine to uncertainty, spontaneity - this is how you develop creative impulses.
Open up to everything new. Do not refuse unexpected offers and new meetings. Relax and spend your day in a different way, don't pursue ephemeral efficiency, don't be boring or workaholic.
Be in the moment. Do not sit in the past and do not particularly run into the future. There is a well-known Taoist wisdom: "The past is forgotten, the future is closed, the present is granted." There is only now and it is in this time period that you are able to create what you want, make radical or simple decisions.
Live mindfully. Teachers like Eckhart Tolle or Rajanish Osho have talked a lot about the nature and benefits of mindfulness, but understanding it is not as easy as it might seem. If a person did not engage in self-awareness, then almost nothing will come of it. It is necessary to learn to live consciously and, above all, to understand at least a little of what it is. Words do not mean anything, learn awareness through personal experience and practice.
There is a fairly simple practice that significantly increases the level of conscious experience. Get into a comfortable chair or standing position. Bring your attention to your body and inward. Stay in this state for 20-30 minutes a day, and preferably 2 times a day, morning and evening. Whole masses of thoughts may arise, do not pay attention to them, do not go into them, but be in focus on your body or inner world without criticism or any action. The environment should be supportively relaxed, other people should not distract you.
Understand your needs and wants. What do you really want? Do not come up with answers to the question, but look inside yourself and find them there. Just find, and do not invent. When you focus on yourself, then, as if by magic you begin to hear the voice of your Self, real desires and needs will emerge. Maybe right now you want to walk down the street, be with your family, change jobs, go dancing, travel. We very often hover in other people's thoughts and worlds created by other people, and we forget to recognize our own.
Do what you want to do more often. If you are able to understand your desires, then they will never harm you. Listen to your body and feelings - they will never deceive. Our body and senses are very sensitive instruments, constantly reacting to the slightest changes in the environment and within you. The body is in contact with the surrounding world, carries out a daily exchange of energy and information with it. We receive something from the surrounding world, it gives us something.
By attuning to your body and senses, you will satisfy your desires and thus become more joyful, fulfilled. Hearing your body and yourself is a whole art.
Be persistent in your desire to change. The gray life is the result that you have achieved yourself. Admit it to yourself from the beginning. This means that in order to responsibly approach the process of self-change, it is worth going to the end. In one day, your life is unlikely to change, but in a month or six months for everyone, the transformation is quite real.
Increase your strength. Poverty, limitation, ignorance, lack of desire to live, motivation to develop are the consequences of a low level of energy, low strength. Those who have little strength are forced to suffer, this always happens. And that is why everything happens in a vicious circle - there is no strength to overcome the impasse, to rise higher.
Increase your strength so that you can do something new, make changes, set direction. There are different ways to increase your strength. These include: increasing knowledge in various industries, playing sports, meditating, increasing awareness, the practice of accumulating and developing a person's internal energy resources.
Find new hobbies that will inspire, energize, and energize you. It is better if these hobbies are associated with other people. For example, dancing, yoga, martial arts, fitness, sports, learning foreign languages in a linguistic school.
Meet new, interesting people. Each person is a whole world, and a group of people is a collection of amazing worlds. Imagine that you can talk to everyone, learn something, learn information, experience different feelings.
Form new habits- those that will be useful and life-affirming. One of the most important components of management is the formation of new positive habits, which, as it were, by default, will serve you and move you forward. Just imagine if you yourself wanted to go in for sports every day, eat right, meditate, gain new knowledge, improve your skills? How would your life change then?
It is believed that a new habit is formed in 21 days of regular daily repetition. This means that in order to acquire a new positive habit, you need to do it at least once a day for 21 days. For example, to instill a love of reading popular literature, every day at the most favorable time, sit down to read a book (at first it is better at the same time) and read for 30-40 minutes. It's so easy, especially if you want to read regularly.
Define a new lifestyle for yourself. The way out of the vicious circle involves new desires, goals, deeds, people, occupations, possibly a place of residence or work, that is, a new version of life. Analyze carefully and define the new desired lifestyle. What kind of life is it outside the vicious circle? What do you do in it, with whom do you communicate, where do you strive, how much will you change yourself?
Remember that despite your desire to get out of the vicious circle, you will be constantly pulled back by inertia. You will probably want to return to the old way, because everything is clear, simple and as always. There is no need to think, be aware, maybe even suffer or make efforts, learn new things. Yes, you will experience a certain amount of stress, but there is no way without it. Freedom lies in the fact that you are able to choose whatever you want, you are responsible for your decision, you can make a mistake, or you can find a treasure. Freedom is a game with unknown rules and outcomes. Accidents, creativity, independent decisions are the essence of life. No one can know how it will be better, but we can always experiment, learn, develop.
In conclusion of the article, I would like to say that do not neglect all the above-described practical tips, they will really help if you do not just read them, but try to follow them. It is not necessary to follow all the points, take a couple and work on their advancement in life, calmly and without nerves, and you will find how gradually the vicious circle breaks. This is because the circle is thoughts and actions repeated by US from time to time, it is worth changing at least a few and everything will change.
Do you have any tips on how to get out of the vicious circle and repetitive problems? Share with us in the comments, or tell us the story of your exit from the ill-fated circle.
Do you need competent professional help, attention to the details of your life, in order to get out of the circle of everyday life and create a new lifestyle? Then . I help people: increase awareness, increase personal strength, build a new lifestyle, form new habits and abandon old ones, including addictions. I teach spiritual development.
What prevents you from finding a happy life? Let's talk about everyday little things that you may have stopped noticing.
Look at your surroundings. Sometimes among friends there are those who are trying with all their might to restrict you and actually drag you into the "swamp", from which at some point it will be very difficult to get out. People around you should not use your energy for free. You can share it with those who are not indifferent to you, but be sure to receive new energy in return. If you constantly feel a lack of energy after the next meeting with a "friend", maybe you should think about whether this is really your friend or just a person who wants to see you as unhappy as he is.
If you work where you cannot realize yourself, or the environment at work leaves much to be desired, start looking for a replacement. A negative atmosphere in the workplace, where you spend a lot of time, will affect not only your health, but also your emotional state. Sooner or later this can lead to illness and nervous breakdowns.
Don't hold on to a place just for the money if everything else doesn't satisfy or destroy you. Search. And if you set yourself the goal of finding a job that brings you joy and pleasure, you will definitely find it. And as soon as you find it, make a decision right away, quit your job and start a new life. You can only be limited by your own fear, but even this can be dealt with quite successfully. If it does not work out on your own, contact a specialist for help.
Remember: the fear of changing something in life is only in your head. Life is change. Every day something new happens, but if you limit yourself, then this "new" can pass you by, and you will be stuck in the past.
Don't keep negative thoughts and feelings in your head. Do not go back to the past, in which everything was bad. Constantly remembering what does not bring you joy, you lose energy, strength and the ability to think sensibly, which means you stop seeing a way out of difficult life situations. Then it begins to seem that you are in a "vicious circle" that you yourself have created.
Listen to yourself and honestly answer the question: what thoughts constantly arise in your head, in what tone do you address yourself to yourself? If you feel that you are filled with negativity, change your thoughts, take a break from business, take a walk, listen to calm music and start imagining positive pictures in your imagination, with a smile on your face.
Train yourself to discipline and order. Clean up on the work table, in the room, in the apartment. Put all things in their places so that you feel pleasant and comfortable. Cleanliness and order around will help form completely different thoughts that will lead to different actions and decisions. They will be able to magically remove unpleasant chaos from life, which causes only stress from day to day.
Learn not to be late for work, school, or meetings. To do this, you just need to accustom yourself to get up a little earlier, prepare for the upcoming day in the evening, start getting ready for a meeting not five minutes before leaving, but a little earlier. Gradually, this will become a habit, and you yourself will see that your mood will also change and your energy will increase significantly.
Your “vicious circle” is just a habit of not seeing opportunities and not taking action. Start to notice and use all the chances that life gives you, otherwise someone else will definitely take advantage of them, and you will remain in your “vicious circle”.
