manifestations of selfishness. Examples of selfishness in life

We are all, one way or another, selfish. But the very concept of selfishness includes not only thoughts about oneself beloved. Egoism, as a trait, is diverse and multifaceted. It can vary from extreme to mild forms, which is why it becomes not immediately noticeable.

And so, what kinds of egoism are there?

Inveterate selfishness or narcissism . This is the extreme form of manifestation of this quality. The narcissist loves himself and only himself. His reflection in the mirror is only the sweetest, and his actions are the most correct. Flaws? They simply don't exist! Such a person does not shun arrogance, moreover, he himself is far from ideal. The narcissist does not help anyone, does not owe anything to anyone, and his sins and misdeeds are not something shameful. He does not know how to love and empathize at all. The narcissist not only rows everything for himself, but also makes others do the same. The narcissist is especially dangerous because he plays on people's feelings and is sincerely proud of it.
Selfishness inflated . This, of course, is no longer narcissism. But such a manifestation of selfishness is still possessiveness and manipulation. Everyone should do as the inflated egoist wants. He does not consider the wishes of others. But this type nevertheless sometimes softens and allows itself to be kind and noble. But only for himself, as a rule. Such an egoist harms only those who themselves are glad to be deceived and live in illusions.
Egocentrism . It is the concentration of all life events on one's own, one's own experiences and achievements. This is more of a trait than a flaw. Such a person is quite suspicious and self-critical. He sees little good in life, believing that everyone is trying to harm him. Often this is just an unloved person. Sometimes too spoiled. The advantage of such a person is that he knows how to admit his mistake, although it is difficult for him to remain in balance. Because of this, he is forced to be egocentric.
healthy selfishness . It is the "golden" mean in this classification. A person is selfish only within the limits of the norm. Moderately picky, demanding and kind, he does not allow himself to sit on his neck and draw out energy. This is the type of people who lives for themselves, but does not interfere with others. He gains freedom and does not bother others with himself. The most pleasant of all types. Such a person is always respected in society for his self-sufficiency and independence.
excessive kindness . There is practically no selfishness in such a person. He is full of kindness to people and is always open. But still, there is a share of selfishness in him: it is such an individual who does charity with all his heart. He does not hesitate to praise himself. Or he does good only when he himself feels bad, thus making up for his shortcomings.
Altruism. The complete opposite of selfishness. Altruist will give the last shirt to save a man in trouble. This is the eternal poor, donating money to the unfortunate. He is a volunteer, and a builder, and a minister of temples, just a sympathetic person. It is the altruist who brings home all the sick, abandoned cats and dogs, wanting to give them at least a little warmth. Such a person is sincerely happy, he does not expect merit for his deeds, doing deeds from a pure heart. But it is he who can become the main victim of scammers, deceivers and manipulators who profit from his kindness.

selfishness- this is a value orientation in psychology, the quality of a person, thanks to which he puts his own interests above the interests of other people, groups, collectives. An egoist will never take part in a cause that will not bring benefits to him, he does not understand the sacrificial morality of serving one's neighbor. The behavior of a selfish person is completely determined and guided by motives for personal gain, without regard to how much his benefit may cost others dearly.

Altruism and egoism are opposite concepts, and it follows from this that the egoist is focused on satisfying his own needs, while completely neglecting the interests of others and using them as a means by which selfish personal goals are achieved.

An egoist is in love with himself with all his heart, sometimes he forbids others to love him, because he considers them unworthy of his attention, so such people almost always remain lonely. A selfish type of behavior inherent in people who have too much self-confidence. When they have a certain desire to possess something, they should be served it right away and on a silver platter. They completely rule out the fact that they will not have it or that they need to wait for this for a while.

Egoism and egocentrism difference

There is also a concept similar to egoism - this is egocentrism. There is a difference in definition between the categories of egoism and egocentrism.

Egoism is a personality trait, part of its character, which manifests itself in behavior, and egocentrism is a way of thinking. The egocentrist sincerely believes in the existence of only one correct opinion, and this is his own. Only his idea has the right to exist, and he sets the rules, and he will not hear anyone else's reasoning. The center of the universe closes on the egocentric, he is the navel of the earth, he sees only himself at the head of the world, he was born with such a feeling and it can pass or more or less weaken at the age of 8-12. If an adult behaves like an egocentric, then he is “stuck” in the past, something happened and this did not allow the person to grow up.

Selfishness examples from life. Selfish people have too strong a desire to have everything, even what they will never need, but others have. Such too focused attention on one's own desires and their satisfaction, even at the most inopportune moment, inherent in small children who do not yet know what is good and what is bad, and what can be done right now, and what can cause a negative reaction in society. But the terrible truth is that such manifestations of selfishness are inherent in both children and adults who physically have long gone beyond that age, but have not matured psychologically. They do not have a sense of satiety, and not only in food, but in all things, they are always short, always lacking. They don't just want a big piece of cake, they want the whole cake.

Human egoism has childish traits in it, but the brain of such individuals works better than it should. They always need to look for ways to get more. You need to come up with cunning tricks to get what you want. Their mind is always tense, it is directed to the calculation of ways to achieve their own benefit.

It is because of this that human egoism is considered the trigger for progress. A person is in motion, and, therefore, develops, invents, creates and achieves. It is this feature of egoism that gives it a positive connotation. If from childhood in a certain way to direct egoism in the right direction, use this energy as a motivation for achievement and at the same time teach the child moral and ethical principles, according to which it is necessary, but respecting the needs of other people, you can bring up a very purposeful person.

The problem of selfishness

Most selfish individuals do not allow anyone into their world, they experience all their inner impulses alone, and do not need outside help, but there are those who really need the presence of a loved one who will help, hear and understand. But, it also happens that they just need the physical presence of a person without any mental impulses. For such people, the absence of others in their lives is equal to a state of crisis. But with just anyone, they will not make acquaintances, let alone let them into their personal space. It is not easy for them to learn to trust others, they must see for themselves, understand from their own experience what a person is, and after such a strict test, they decide to trust.

The problem of egoism lies in the peculiarities of personality formation, the circumstances of its growing up, the correctness of education. At certain life stages of growing up, through the influence of adverse conditions, a person develops selfish qualities of character. Thus, manifestations of selfishness are possible at any age.

Selfishness in a relationship is a big problem, since there are two people in a couple, and they are obliged to love each other, and not one another, and the other themselves. Often behind such an excess was self-doubt, and in order to overcome it they had to work hard, and as a result of such work, they gave too much strength, and, submitting to the temptation, overdo it, and they liked this new sensation. And when such a person just found a mate, or returned to his current relationship as a completely different person, then problems begin. For a selfish person, everything seems to be normal, even better than it was, because now she knows her own worth, which means she can demand twice as much. She does not understand that such behavior interferes with building a relationship, because all the attention and care is given to only one person. A couple is a couple, if there are two people in it, then the initiative should come from everyone.

Selfishness in relationships breaks families and destinies of people. But if a person values relationships, he will work on himself and be able to change.

Selfishness is considered a problem in the sense that a person who spends life energy on himself often does not notice how he poisons the lives of others, not heeding their needs, he will never be able to feel the joy of a selfless act for others.

egoism and altruism. If we compare altruism and egoism, we can single out a common idea in them - the value of a person. But in altruism, the needs of others are respected and selfless acts are done for their benefit, while in egoism a person respects himself and realizes his personal needs.

A sense of selfishness can alternate with altruism, depending on what life has brought lessons. A person could one day do a selfless good deed, and in return receive misunderstanding and condemnation of his act. Then a protection mechanism is activated in him and from that moment he will begin to do good deeds only for himself. There is also his mistake here, since it is impossible to generalize all cases, there are sincere grateful people in the world who will appreciate the deed, you cannot be so immediately disappointed in people. There is a problem in society associated with the rejection of either selfish selfish acts or sacrificial altruistic ones. Selfish actions are condemned for catering to the needs of one person, and in altruism they try to find a catch.

Reasonable selfishness

There is a theory of rational egoism. A person who is inherent in reasonable egoism defends his opinion, refuses the point of view that is imposed, since it can be detrimental to the individual. He is ready to compromise if this is a way out of a conflict situation. If he feels a threat to himself or his loved ones, he uses all possible methods of protection.

A person with reasonable egoism will never obey others, this is below his dignity, but he also does not allow himself to lead the lives of others, and does not do this even if he can use it. If there is a question of choice, then healthy egoism suggests that it is necessary to make it for personal benefit and not indulge in feelings of guilt.

Reasonable egoism pays attention not only to one's own needs, but also to the needs of other people so that the satisfaction of one's own does not hurt the interests of others. It is necessary to express your opinion, even if it is the opposite of the opinion of everyone else. You can express your criticism of others, but without sinking to the level of insults. Act according to your own principles, but also respect the wishes and comments of the partner. A person who follows healthy egoism has a special mindset, thanks to which he understands life better. When it comes to material things, a person does not get hung up on the fullness of his own benefit. He tries to get his own, but at the same time, without going over the heads, and without causing suffering to others, he is inclined to cooperate and find compromises. It has more ethical principles than selfish impulses.

A person who is engaged in self-improvement does it personally for himself; accordingly, other people do not interfere in this. But in this self-improvement, he can go very far, he can begin to teach others how to live, here the line between reasonable and ordinary egoism is already washed away a little.

Egoism is the antonym for this word altruist. Reasonable egoism is also altruism.

An example of reasonable selfishness. When a person does selfless useful activity, the result is joy and happiness. Since this happiness was calculated on, the person who did this act also shows joy, which means that the goal has been achieved. All of this is just good.

Every person is really selfish to some extent, because he must take care of himself every day: eat, sleep, dress, earn money, spend it primarily on himself. This is absolute reasonable selfishness. Working on your body, developing your brain, working on your spiritual essence is also a reasonable egoism that benefits everyone.

Examples of selfishness

Each person can name examples of selfishness from the life of their loved ones, or their own. Almost every person has such an ardent egoist in his circle of acquaintances. His rhinestone can be calculated, in principle he does not hide, but on the contrary, he tries to be in front of everyone.

An egoist is a very prudent person, before he takes up a business, he will think how beneficial it is for him, what fruits his participation will bring to him, and, after weighing all the pros and cons, he agrees to the business or not. He does not make quick decisions in business.

Almost all conversations with him will be one way or another, but it necessarily comes down to his personality, a discussion of his successful past and luck in the present. The egoist recognizes the existence of only his own opinion. He cannot even imagine that the opinion of others, even much more experienced people than he himself is, can be true. If circumstances force him, he will be able to find a way out, but only through the efforts of others, or completely unfairly accuses them. He is not at all interested in the intrigues or problems of others, he lives quietly for himself, as long as nothing affects him.

Examples of selfishness from life. Possessing the techniques of manipulation, he makes others yield to him. If he is offered a compromise, he refuses it and waits for the person to give up. Selfish individuals often love to give advice on how to live right, although they themselves are far from being role models. In any case, they find a benefit, or frankly, without ulterior motives, demands it. You can also give examples of selfishness from life behind the characteristic external features of this type of people.

manifestations of selfishness. The egoist is very concerned about his appearance, he looks at himself and admires. And in order to be beautiful all the time for himself, and for others too, he needs a lot of time to pay attention to himself in front of the mirror. Almost always, selfish people are the most attractive people, obsessed with their body, they cannot stop admiring their appearance and know that others like them. To emphasize their beautiful appearance, they dress very stylishly, sometimes even shockingly. A selfish person always tries to make a good impression, therefore he uses good manners in his behavior, tries to create the impression of a well-mannered person. Also, a selfish person is distinguished from others by his lexicon, he ripples with phrases: “the end justifies the means”, “everything is possible for me”, “I am much better”, “I am the most ...”, “I have”, “I want”, “for me " and so on.

Selfishness in life. Selfish individuals can apply the features of their character, working in power structures, the police, military affairs, business, cosmetology.

Examples of egoism in literature. Scarlett "Gone with the Wind" Margaret Mitchell, Vronsky "Anna Karenina" L. Tolstoy, Dorian Gray "The Picture of Dorian Gray" O. Wilde and others.

A very famous and vivid example of egoism is Grushnitsky's "Hero of Our Time" M.Yu. Lermontov. The author himself believes that Grushnitsky is low and false. The hero does everything against himself. He wants to feel what he cannot feel, tries to achieve something, but not what he truly needs.

He wants to be hurt, wants to be just a soldier who, at the same time, unhappy in love, wants to despair. He dreams about it, but fate disposes differently, saving his soul from life's upheavals. If he fell in love, and the girl did not reciprocate, he would be disappointed in love and close his heart forever. He so desired to become an officer, but having received news of the production, he forever abandons his former costume, which he loved so much, as it turned out in words.

Examples of manifestation of selfishness show that the problem exists, and many people become unhappy because of their own unreason. And if you come to your senses, look at your life and learn a lesson from it, then you can change, get rid of selfishness, because it does not promise happiness, but only breaks human hearts and destinies.

the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of self-serving personal interests and needs in life, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. Manifestations of selfishness are inherent in the attitude towards another person as an object and means of achieving selfish goals. The development of egoism and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality are explained by serious defects in education. If the tactics of family education is objectively aimed at consolidating such manifestations as high self-esteem and egocentrism of the child, then he can form a stable value orientation, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such a concentration on one's own self, selfishness and complete indifference to the inner world of another person or to a social group can lead to alienation - the experience of loneliness in a hostile world. In many psychological and ethical-psychological concepts adopted in the West, egoism is unreasonably regarded as an innate property of a person, thanks to which the protection of his life is ensured. In everyday usage, selfishness appears as the opposite of altruism. Breeding into opposite poles of egoism and altruism reflects the initial opposition of I and They. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and They by the unifying principle We: what is done by a person for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the society to which he belongs. So, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of behavior of an individual in a team, then the alternative egoism-altruism turns out to be imaginary. The real alternative is to oppose to both egoism and altruism such behavior when the subject effectively relates to others as to himself, and to himself as to all others in the collective (-> collective identification).

EGOISM

A personality trait or mental state in which one's own interests are in the foreground, the desire to acquire personal advantages and avoid inconvenience, deprivation, self-care. It is observed both in mentally healthy people with appropriate character traits, and in psychopathy and some mental illnesses (the initial stages of mental disorders of late age, schizophrenia, etc.).

selfishness

egoism). Motivation (probably underlying all behavior) to improve one's own well-being. The opposite of altruism, which aims to increase the well-being of others.

EGOISM

In the simplest terms, self-interest. Therefore: 1. Designation of the point of view according to which such self-interest is the basis of all behavior (cf. altruism). 2. The tendency to behave only (or to a large extent) in accordance with personal interests. Wed with egotism.

selfishness

lat. ego - I] - the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of selfish personal interests and needs in his life, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. Manifestations of E. inherent in the attitude of the subject to another person as an object and a means of achieving selfish goals. The development of E. and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in the upbringing of the individual. If the tactics of family education is objectively aimed at strengthening such manifestations as high self-esteem and egocentrism of the child’s personality, then a stable value orientation can form in him, in which only his own interests, needs, experiences, etc. are taken into account. In adulthood, such a concentration on own I, selfishness and complete indifference to the inner world of another person or social group can lead to alienation as an experience by the subject of loneliness in a world hostile to him. In many psychological and ethical-psychological concepts, E. is unreasonably regarded as an innate property of a person, due to which the protection of his life is supposedly ensured. In everyday usage, e. acts as the opposite of altruism. Breeding on the opposite poles of E. and altruism reflects the original unlawful opposition of I and THEY, as supposedly the only possible one. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and THEM by the unifying principle We: what a person does for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the community to which he belongs. Thus, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of personality behavior, then the alternative "either E., or altruism" turns out to be false. The true alternative to E. and altruism is collectivist identification. A.V. Petrovsky, V.V. Abramenkov

EGOISM

manifestation of a person's interest in himself, characterized by focusing on his desires, inclinations, his own world as a whole.

The idea of egoism was contained in the first fundamental work of Z. Freud, The Interpretation of Dreams (1900). In it, he not only drew attention to selfish dreams in which the dreamer's own self appears, but also emphasized the fact that young children are extremely selfish. “The child is absolutely selfish, he intensely experiences his needs and irresistibly strives for their satisfaction - especially against his rivals, other children, and especially against his brothers and sisters.” At the same time, Z. Freud expressed the idea, in accordance with which there is reason to hope that even during the period of childhood “altruistic inclinations and morality will wake up in the little egoist,” although the moral feeling does not awaken simultaneously along the entire line and the duration of the immoral childhood period is different for individual individuals.

In his work "On Narcissism" (1914), the founder of psychoanalysis raised the issue of the relationship between feelings of displeasure, selfishness, love and neurotic illness. Determining this ratio involved identifying the psychological need to transcend the boundaries of narcissism and focus libido on external objects of love. And although the work itself did not draw a clear distinction between narcissism and selfishness, nevertheless, the idea was expressed in it that “strong selfishness protects against illness, but, in the end, it is necessary to start loving in order not to get sick, and it remains only to get sick when, as a result of your insolvency, you are deprived of the opportunity to love.

In "Lectures on Introduction to Psychoanalysis" (1916/17), Z. Freud tried to answer the question of how the concepts of narcissism and egoism differ. He believed that narcissism is the libidinal complement of selfishness. When speaking of egoism, one usually has in mind the benefit to the individual, while when speaking of narcissism, one also takes into account his libidinal satisfaction. According to the founder of psychoanalysis, it is possible to be completely selfish and yet have strong sexual attachments to objects. This attachment is explained by the fact that sexual satisfaction from the object is related to needs. "Egoism will then see to it that the striving for the object does not harm the ego." But it is possible to be selfish and yet very narcissistic, that is, to have little need for an object. Nevertheless, in all these respects, "selfishness is a matter of course, constant, narcissism is a changing element."

The opposite of selfishness is altruism, which does not coincide with sexual attachment to objects and differs from it in the absence of desire for sexual gratification. However, with a strong love altruism can coincide with sexual attachment to objects, which is most often the case with sexual overestimation of it. If an altruistic transfer from egoism to a sexual object is added to this, then, as Z. Freud believed, the sexual object becomes powerful and, as it were, absorbs the I.

The problem of selfishness, selfishness and human love for other people was reflected in the studies of E. Fromm (1900–1980). In the article “Egoism and Selfishness” (1939) and in the book “Man for Himself” (1947), he noted the discrepancy between the fact that modern culture is permeated with a ban on selfishness and at the same time the teaching that it is a sin to be selfish is contrary to the practical situation. affairs in Western society, where selfishness is a powerful and justified incentive for a person. Such a discrepancy rests on the views of thinkers who see love for others as an alternative to love for oneself. At the same time, some thinkers (Calvin, Luther) perceived self-love as a sin, while others (Nietzsche, Stirner) declared selfishness, self-love and self-love a virtue. The German philosopher Kant made a distinction between the egoism of selfishness (reverence for oneself) and the egoism of self-satisfaction (satisfaction with oneself). And yet, for many thinkers of the past, the problem of the relationship between self-love and love for others remained an insoluble antinomy.

E. Fromm proceeded from the fact that throwing between two dogmas (egoism as sin, evil and as virtue, good) harms the process of personality integration and is one of the sources of spiritual discord of modern man. In his opinion, love for oneself and love for other people are not mutually exclusive. “The idea expressed in the biblical commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” implies that respect for your own integrity and uniqueness, love for yourself and understanding of your Self are inseparable from respect, love and understanding of another person.” But how to explain self-love, which excludes a sincere interest in other people? The answer to this question is not difficult, if we bear in mind that self-love is one thing, and self-love is another.

According to E. Fromm, "self-love and self-love are not only not identical, but also directly opposite." A selfish person is not able to love either others or himself. If a man is capable of fruitful love, he loves himself also, and if he can only love others, he is not capable of love at all. The failure of modern culture lies not in the principle of individualism and excessive human egoism, but in the distortion of the meaning of personal interest. It is not that people are too focused on their personal interest, but that they are not focused enough on the interests of their real self. In a word, the failure of modern culture is not that people are too selfish, selfish, but that "They don't love themselves." Ultimately, it turns out that in reality the egoist not only ignores other people, but also hates himself, while true love presupposes the ability to love both himself and others.

EGOISM

from lat. ego - i) - the value orientation of the subject, characterized by the predominance of self-serving personal interests and needs in his life, regardless of the interests of other people and social groups. The development of E. and its transformation into the dominant orientation of the personality is explained by serious defects in education. In the ordinary sense, E. acts as the opposite of altruism. Breeding on the opposite poles of E. and altruism reflects the original illegitimate opposition of I and They, as supposedly the only possible one. The historically progressive trend is associated with the removal of the antagonism of I and They by the unifying principle We: what a person does for others is equally useful to him and others, since it is useful for the community to which he belongs. Thus, if we keep in mind the socio-psychological patterns of personality behavior, then the alternative “either E., or altruism” turns out to be false. The true alternative to E. and altruism is collectivist identification. E. is a frequent source of conflict, since a selfish person regularly harms other people without noticing it or not paying attention to it. Prevention of the formation of selfish character traits is an important condition for the prevention of conflicts.

selfishness

from lat. ego - I] - a predominantly value orientation of a person to satisfy their individual interests and needs without regard to what consequences this will have for other people. As a pronounced personal orientation, egoism begins to form at fairly early stages of an individual's ascent to personal maturity, primarily as a result of the implementation of incorrect educational models. At the same time, both the systematically implemented dictate, and overprotectiveness and the conniving style of interaction between adults and a child and a teenager, in fact, equally lay the foundation for personal egocentrism, deformation of the scale of values of a developing personality, when she sees and evaluates the world only through the prism of her desires and individualistic , sometimes frankly mercantile interests, and either considers the surrounding people as passive objects of its influence, or presents it as a convenient means to achieve its goals. Personal egoism, as a rule, is associated with inadequately high self-esteem and the level of claims, with a refusal to take responsibility for failures and with attributing undeserved successes to oneself, with a predominantly external locus of control, often with authoritarianism and the desire for dominance, etc. And in special literature, and in everyday life the concept of "egoism" is often used as an antonym of the concept of "altruism". But in this case, as in an attempt to oppose conformism and nonconformity in terms of content, the claimed alternative turns out to be false. So, if personal self-determination in a group acts as a real psychological counterweight to conformism and non-conformism, collectivist identification turns out to be a real psychological counterweight to both egoism and altruism. It is only the last personal position that is built not on the individual’s ideas about his alienation from society, not on the opposition of “they” and “I” (in the case of egocentrism, “the main thing is that it’s good for me, but what happens to others doesn’t matter to me”, in in the case of altruism - “the main thing is that it would be good for the other, but the fact that it will be worse for me is not important”), but on the vision of common interests, goals, desires, etc., which both “they” and “ I", and thus "we".

Since, both in domestic and foreign socio-psychological science, the problem of the alternative of the “altruism-egoism” link and collectivist identification of the personality remains poorly developed in theoretical terms, the almost complete absence of empirical research on this issue seems quite natural. Moreover, if altruism, somewhat broadly, in our opinion, is defined as “... actions associated with the voluntary provision of assistance to a person in the absence of expectations that they will entail any rewards, except perhaps the feeling of doing a good deed”1 , has long been the object of numerous, including experimental, studies in foreign social psychology, then egoism, as a rule, is considered most often mainly from philosophical and ethical positions. At the same time, often the arguments of certain authors on this topic are frankly moralizing and, moreover, sanctimonious in nature. Unfortunately, in recent years, this trend has become most stable in Russian psychology and related disciplines due to the emergence of such specific, but at the same time claiming to be universal, trends, such as "spiritual-oriented psychology", "Orthodox psychology" and etc.

The greatest volume of relevant empirical data on the problem of the centering of the personality on one's own interests has been accumulated within the framework of the psychoanalytic approach. Although traditionally studied in psychoanalysis, narcissism and egoism are not identical concepts, in their phenomenological manifestations they are certainly close. Thus, in one of the first psychoanalytic works entirely devoted to the problem of narcissism, The God Complex, its author E. Jones “...described a type of person characterized by exhibitionism, alienation, emotional unavailability, fantasies of omnipotence, overestimation of one’s creative abilities and a tendency to condemn others." ... He described these people as individuals on the continuum of mental health from psychotic to normal, noting that "when such a person becomes mentally ill, he clearly and openly demonstrates delusions, which is really God." In this regard, as N. McWilliams notes, “unlike antisocial personalities, whose problems are obvious and cost society dearly and therefore inspire scientific research on psychopathy, narcissistic individuals are completely different, often elusive in their pathology and cause not so obvious harm to society. Successful narcissists (in terms of money, socially, politically, militarily, etc.) can inspire admiration and a desire to compete with them. The intrinsic cost of narcissistic hunger is rarely perceived by the observer, and the harm done to others by the pursuit of narcissistically structured projects can be rationalized and explained as a natural and inevitable product of competition: The wood is cut, the chips fly...”2.

If, nevertheless, we try to separate egoism proper from narcissism, then, first of all, we should note the total dependence of the narcissistic personality on the opinions of others. Despite the fact that their own interests for such individuals certainly come first, while the interests of others are ignored, they are extremely concerned about how they look. The social environment in this scheme serves as a kind of "mirror" in which the narcissistic personality is constantly looking for confirmation of his own exclusivity and grandiosity. This is due, as a rule, to the unfavorable resolution of the second basic crisis of psychosocial development and the typical alienation of this stage - pathological self-awareness. This conclusion of E. Erickson has been confirmed in modern studies conducted within the framework of the classical psychoanalytic paradigm. As N. McWilliams notes, “shame and envy are constantly emphasized in the clinical literature as the main emotions associated with the narcissistic organization of the personality. The subjective experience of narcissistic people is steeped in shame and the fear of feeling shame. Early analysts underestimated the strength of this emotional set, often misinterpreting it as guilt and making guilt-oriented interpretations (which patients perceived as non-empathic). Guilt is the conviction that you have sinned or committed a crime; it is easily conceptualized in terms of the inner critical parent or superego. Shame is the feeling that you are seen as bad and wrong; the observer in this case is outside his own "I". Guilt is created by a sense of the active possibility of doing evil, while shame has the additional meaning of helplessness, ugliness, and impotence.

The vulnerability of narcissistic personalities to envy is a related phenomenon. If I am convinced inwardly that I have some shortcomings and that my inadequacy can always be exposed, I become jealous of those who seem content or have those virtues which (I think) could contribute to what I am deprived of. ... If I feel a shortage of something and it seems to me that you have it all, I can try to destroy what you have, expressing regret, contempt, or through criticism.

Unlike narcissism, selfishness in itself does not imply such internal vulnerability and total dependence on an external subject. In this sense, it is legitimate to consider it as a much more universal and, moreover, healthy phenomenon, which is a derivative of the sense of self-preservation inherent in all people. An individual with a clearly expressed egoistic personal orientation (if he does not suffer from narcissism at the same time) does not depend on external, but, on the contrary, on internal assessment, he is interested in comparing himself not with the social environment, but with certain internal ideas about success, proper behavior, etc. ., inherent in the ideal "I".

It is for this reason that, if we return to the consideration of the “altruism-egoism” link as a single bipolar continuum, with all the outward similarity of manifestations of egoism and narcissism, narcissistic personalities are usually incapable of helping others if such actions are associated with real serious efforts and risk. , and also do not promise public recognition. At the same time, as a number of studies show, selfish motives often underlie typically altruistic actions. An example of this kind is a study conducted by a group of American social psychologists in the 80s. last century. They “…conducted in-depth interviews with 32 volunteers who had previously been active in preventing dangerous criminal episodes such as bank robberies, armed attacks and street robberies. The reactions of these "good Samaritans" were compared with the reactions of a group of persons similar in sex, age, education and ethnic origin, who also witnessed similar episodes, but did not attempt to intervene. The most important result of the survey in the context of the issues under consideration was that “... compared to people who did not try to intervene, “good Samaritans” more often noted their physical strength, aggressiveness and adherence to principles. They also excelled them in combat skills or the ability to provide primary medical care. In their decision to come to the aid of the victim, they were guided not so much by humanistic considerations, but by ideas of their own ability and responsibility, based on their experience and physical strength.

Even more illustrative results were obtained in the course of a study undertaken by M. Schneider and A. Omto of the motives for participating in volunteer activities related to the provision of assistance to AIDS patients. At the same time, the researchers tried to establish the reasons why some volunteers are engaged in such altruistic activities for a long time, while others quickly leave the movement. It turned out that one of the most significant factors of this kind are "the initial reasons that prompted people to get involved in volunteering ...". At the same time, “most individuals who cited improved self-esteem and self-improvement as reasons continued to engage in it after one year. The researchers believe that these somewhat "selfish" desires - to feel better about yourself and learn more about AIDS - seem to be more helpful in staying committed to volunteering over time." In general, according to S. Taylor and his colleagues, “these and other studies indicate the complex nature of the reasons for volunteering, which often combine both genuine altruism and the pursuit of self-interest. The desire to help people and the expression of commitment to one's inner values are important reasons for a person to participate in volunteering. However, it also contains an opportunity to acquire new skills, meet new people and improve your self-image.

From what has been said, it is clear that the bipolar continuum "altruism - egoism" requires further serious study in the logic of the dialectical approach to this phenomenon. At the same time, attempts to replace this kind of research with speculative evaluative interpretations of a rather complex socio-psychological reality, which, as a rule, are based on religious dogmas in an extremely simplified voluntaristic interpretation, due to the next ideological order, are completely unacceptable.

A practical social psychologist, as one of his own professional tasks, should see, on the one hand, the destruction of those socio-psychological conditions that contribute to the formation of both egoism and altruism (especially in the form of painfully exalted self-sacrifice), and on the other hand, the creation and the development of such a form of interaction, which would imply true cooperation as a prerequisite for success, in the process of implementation of which such a personal-value orientation as collectivist identification is formed.

Today's topic is selfishness and its manifestations. Selfishness is a special feature of "self-love", which is not inherited, but acquired along with upbringing. Parents who love their children (especially those who have one child) should clearly know the limits of what is possible and what is not, even their beloved child, so that in adulthood it would be easier for a new member of society.

The word "egoist" is translated as "I am." Egoism has many manifestations, direct and indirect, both in behavior, and in life circumstances, and in speech, and in gesture, and in appearance, and in the profession. It can be congenital and acquired.

It is not so difficult to determine egoistic manifestations in ourselves, as it seems, because at certain moments we lose control over ourselves and show our true face. Or we act as we are used to, without noticing it ourselves. It is to such “little things” that one must be extremely careful. After all, the little things show the inner state of a person and his nature.

V.Vestnik: “The desire to receive as many joys and pleasures as possible is natural for any organism, because it is formed by evolution. In an effort to satisfy its desires, the body performs the whole range of actions necessary to maintain viability.

Since organisms mostly live in social conditions, in this set of necessary actions there are those that contribute to the survival of the community. For example, caring for neighbors and the weak. These are actions that are altruistic in nature, and they are motivated by the corresponding evolutionarily formed feelings of unity and love.

It turns out that the ability to enjoy the performance of altruistic actions is inherent in nature. And not just like that, to decorate life and inspire romantics, but for the survival of the species. Therefore, morality is the norm, and egoism is a pathology. And to say that an egoist is a moral monster is not an exaggeration. It is on the basis of selfishness that criminal designs arise. By and large, all criminals are selfish.”

Manifestations of selfishness in a person

This list of manifestations is far from complete. As you observe yourself and the world, you will surely discover many more. And egoism is not always so clearly visible, as described below. But, if there is at least one of the manifestations, there is still a lot of real work on oneself to overcome this spiritual inferiority.

He tends to constantly evaluate himself and others - to criticize, condemn, gossip, slander, have prejudices (often inside - a "broken record" of criticism of someone or something).
Stubborn, prone to stubbornness, automatic "no" as a rejection of everything and everything. At the same time - the lack of desire to do something, change yourself.
Very painfully endures the expression of disagreement on the part of loved ones, and the resistance of his partner can be perceived as a denial of himself.
He is always looking for the reason for what is happening in others, outside himself, does not want to understand, to see the reason in himself (“I have nothing to do with it”).
He thinks in polar categories, for him there is no middle ground - either grandiose in his achievements (he is the best, stands at the very top of the world!), then insignificant (but also great in his insignificance, because there is no one worse than him in the world). Therefore, victories elevate him to the skies, and defeats lead to a state of depression.
I am convinced that in this world there is someone better, and someone worse, while he more often ranks himself among the “best”.
He clearly divides people into “us” and “them” (like “men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, and we don’t understand each other”).
Does not accept dissidents, different-looking, newcomers (for example, collective selfishness).
Consciously singles out “friends” (by kinship, by nationality, by place of residence, by profession, by education, etc.) and prioritizes benefits to them at the expense of and with hostility towards “outsiders”.
Focused on own "I". He has an overestimated self-esteem, believes in his exclusivity, rarity. Considers himself irresistible. He is prone to narcissism and loves only himself, his beloved. And hence the envy of those who, in his opinion, are “worse”, but for some reason receive “undeserved” benefits.
He tends to draw attention to himself by any means, to distinguish himself.
He loves flattery, praise, compliments, distinguishing himself from others.
Depends on the recognition of others, focuses on someone else's opinion.
Needs constant self-love or submission; looking for those who are ready to merge with him, to submit, to confirm his significance.
Dreams of the “ideal man”, “ideal family”, “ideal child” (“who, if not me, should get the best”).
Has inflated "bars" in life, ambitions, prone to careerism, the pursuit of prestige, external attributes.
Strives to fight for the best place, fierce competition, likes to participate in various competitions, contests and, most importantly, to win.
Above all, she values her personal freedom, but often to the detriment of others.
In the other extreme (as opposed to high ambitions and high standards), he is prone to the position of a “victim”, self-pity, to the point of self-abasement.
Inclined to dictate, tyranny, suppression of others (to such a dictatorship, when a whole nation works to satisfy the needs of one person).
He gives too much importance to his work. Thus, he convinces himself and others of his importance. He tends to merge with his social status, constantly talks about his achievements, talks about his capabilities, about what an indispensable worker he is, about influential people he knows.
Tends not to fulfill his duties (daughter / son, mother / father, wife / husband, boss / subordinate, man / woman, person, Soul), shifting it to others.
Attracts selfish reactions of others (i.e. nearby - egoists).
He accuses them of indifference and selfishness towards himself.
Often makes friends with selfish people, with swindlers, bandits, bribe-takers, corrupt officials, etc. And, therefore, morally supports, accomplices in their crimes (through energy-information connection).
He imposes his opinion, points out, controls people, subordinating them to his ideas about how to live, work, love.
It invades the interests, freedom of others, imposes its own rules, beliefs, values.
Has low motivation to engage in socially useful activities (unless it brings "bonuses" for him personally).
He does not know how to work in a team, prefers to work separately, on his own. Or seeks to take a dominant position.
Makes high demands on his partner (spouse), his own child, subordinates. Strives to change, remake others, while not changing himself.
Inclined to punish, establish strict rules, demand unconditional obedience in order to fulfill his requirements.
I am convinced that his interests should always come first, everything should serve his interests ("you owe me", "for me").
Strives to achieve his goals at the expense of others, to the detriment of them.
Able to captivate the weaker ones, but using them to his advantage.
Painfully focused on his own experiences and incapable of emotional attachment.
Indifferent, inattentive to the interests, needs, thoughts, emotional and sensory states of others.
Indifferent to relatives, to relatives, often condemns them and does not want to communicate with them, separates.
It can disregard the desires of the majority, because the main thing for him is the spiritual and bodily comfort of his own "I".
In the house - first of all, he takes into account his interests, his tastes and needs, "pulls the blanket over himself."
I like it when people listen to him and are interested in his life. But he himself does not know how to listen: he interrupts, withdraws into himself, transfers the topic to himself, leads a long monologue or an absent look and indifference.
He tends to live obsessing over, if not himself, then the child, husband / wife, parents.
Strives for "freebies", for "everything at once", "here and now", the whole value system is centered around momentary personal well-being.
He is dependent on life, expecting "gifts" from it, instead of counting on the fruits of his own spiritual efforts. Therefore, it is prone to magical methods of obtaining the desired benefits.
He does not like to hear about his mistakes, miscalculations, shortcomings - he avoids such conversations or breaks off relations.
He treats condescendingly, justifies himself and his actions, which bring inconvenience and harm to others (until they are completely ignored).
Does not want and does not know how to learn from the mistakes of others, experience.
It is difficult to communicate with people who have their own opinion, who think independently (therefore, in his environment there are often led people who blindly believe in authorities).
Underestimates others, does not know how to see dignity in them.
He does not know how to rejoice in the achievements of others, and vice versa, he is internally satisfied with the losses or failures of others.
Tends to oppose himself to anyone.
It is isolated, alienated, withdraws into itself, strives for constant solitude, loneliness, and, as a result, can become antisocial.
Difficulty establishing truly intimate relationships - either keeping a distance or prone to merging.
Feels the hostility of the surrounding world, expects an attack. Internally vulnerable, touchy (up to avoidance, up to a complete break in relations).
He does not trust others, and, as a result, he is inclined to create defenses (leaving, attacking, stupidity, drowsiness, fullness, inaccessibility, etc.).
It can give the impression of an infantile person, unable to take care of himself, dependent on others. In fact, this is an unconscious manipulation in order to win the attention of others and delegate the care of yourself to someone else.
Maybe he is not self-confident, inert, weak-willed, inactive out of fear that it will not work out, they will not understand. In this case, he is prone to opportunism, silence, fawning, suppression of his desires, aspirations.
Prone to energy vampirism (merges on others his grievances, claims, his health problems, fate, self-pity or constantly grumbles, irritated, conflicted, dissatisfied with everything and everyone).
Does not know how to accept help from others, avoids, refuses help.
He demonstrates to everyone how they depend on him, emphasizes "his contribution" to the fate, career, health of this person.
It can condescendingly transfer things, objects to someone (“what is already worthless for me, you, you see, will fit”).
Does not want to comply with any rules, laws (“but I can do anything”).
Often behaves arrogantly (sometimes to recklessness).
It imposes orders that lead to discord between people and societies. Promotes conflicts, wars (from family to world).
He tends to mistreat animals, nature - to use in his own selfish interests, for the sake of prestige, imaginary beauty, imaginary health, to kill them without special need.
He appropriates someone else's property in his own interests, unjustly accumulates wealth.

the only child in the family,
the most beloved child (often to the detriment of other children), who was overspoiled in childhood, who grew up in an atmosphere of permissiveness and excessive guardianship,
a beautiful child who receives compliments and praise from adults already in early childhood,
a particularly gifted child who often grows into a talented but somewhat egocentric adult,
long-awaited and only child (for example, due to illness),
a child born “for himself” (for example, to a woman who is single or unloved by her husband),
a child born (or saved) to the detriment of another child,
the youngest child in the family who gets too much attention (especially if there is a big age gap with other children),
the most sickly child, often disabled with low intellectual abilities (Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, mental retardation, etc.),
indifference from the surrounding relatives in childhood (unemotional, not warm, always busy with work or sorting out relationships, self-absorbed, asocial, dependent),
a child who was overprotected and deprived of independence at the age of one to three years,
a child born as a “hindrance”, restriction of the freedom of one of the parents, a chain, as a manipulative binding to family relationships,
birth in backward habitats (villages, tribes, dying areas, underdeveloped states),
birth in a separate city, country or in a clan alienated from everyone.

Characteristic features in appearance

carefully monitors his appearance, his own prestigious image in the eyes of others, so the appearance is often attractive,
likes to dress "with a needle", with taste, to stand out among others,
possesses (or tries to) good manners in order to have a positive opinion of others,
obsessed with his body (pseudo-love of himself) or, conversely, indifferent to his health.

Characteristic features in vocabulary

“I”, “mine”, “me”, “for me”, “I have”, “I want”, “the end justifies the means”, “all means are good”, “who will take care of me, except myself”, “I am better, brighter, more developed, older, wiser, more experienced, more spiritual, etc.” (or the reverse side - “I am nobody”, “I am dumber, younger, inexperienced ... etc.), “everyone thinks only of themselves”, “I can do anything”, etc.

Characteristic professions

Power structures, military, police, rulers, terrorists, colonialists, crime, show business, cosmetology, any magic, rare professions, charitable organizations, business, gaming business, beauty contests (and any "best"), work "in alone”, work with a minimum of interaction with people, etc.

characteristic diseases

Cardiovascular, high blood pressure, diabetes, broncho-pulmonary, head diseases, sick, uneven teeth and gums, spine, thyroid gland, kidneys and liver, hemorrhoids, hernia, cystitis, impotence, frigidity, vaginismus, asthma, weakening of the intellect, consciousness, pathological deterioration of character and senility, etc.

Selfishness in personal life

Frequent quarrels in family life happen because of the selfishness of one of the spouses. One of the couple constantly has to make concessions, thereby encouraging the egoism of the other. Unfortunately, in family life it will not be possible to constantly adapt to each other without hiding your egoism to hell.

Because domestic issues require mutual agreement in many things. Do not get angry if you have to do something for your husband: another time he will do the same if he sees that you did it for him. Try to compromise on issues that don't affect your ego.

But if some of the requirements of the husband contradict your ideas about a normal family, then you already need to “turn on” egoism. It is difficult for selfish people to start a family, because after the birth of a child they understand what it means when the world revolves around one person.

Gradually moderating your egoism, you can create a strong family, whose members act in the common interest. Indeed, in a couple, everything should be done not for the sake of one person, but for the sake of both. Only in this way are possible happy and harmonious relationships in which no one is infringed.

Selfishness at work

In a career, peaks are reached not by egoists, but by people who know how to act in their own interests, but at the same time clearly carry out the instructions of their superiors. A normal employer will always choose an accommodating employee, and not one who thinks only of himself. But in relations with employees in many matters you have to behave selfishly.

If you do not think about yourself, you will immediately be charged with additional responsibilities or forced to do things that are not your own. It's easy to be selfish at work because you don't have to be friends with co-workers, you just need to maintain a working relationship. Many come to work to communicate, and this prevents them from organizing their work in a way that is comfortable.

Once you understand that you have nothing to do with employees other than common work, it will be easier for you to behave selfishly without feeling guilty about it. Unfortunately, many will not appreciate your good attitude, because in a career, often in order to reach the top, you need to go over the heads, betraying the people with whom you work side by side.

Selfishness towards others

Very often selfish people, despite their character, are surrounded by friends and acquaintances. Have you ever wondered why, when you treat people well and sacrifice yourself, they are in no hurry to respond in kind? People are drawn to egoists, because they recognize in them a strong personality that always wins among the rest of homo sapiens.

The egoist is self-confident, prudent and always knows what he needs. Such people attract and delight, especially weak personalities who are not able to behave as selfishly and act solely in their own interests. But sooner or later, any, even the most devoted friend, will become annoyed by your selfishness, and he may decide to part with you.

Therefore, it is unacceptable to behave selfishly with loved ones, otherwise you risk being left alone with selfishness. For those who, on the contrary, do not have enough healthy egoism, it is worth reconsidering their attitude towards the people around them. Very often we want to please strangers just because we don’t know how to say “no”.

The first rule of selfishness: don't do something if you don't want to. You don't have to help someone just because you've been asked for help. Try not to forget about yourself, because often people play on the feeling of pity and force others to do what they need to detriment to themselves.

Every time you are going to do something for others, ask yourself: “Can I really do this without harming myself?”, “Why am I doing this - because I want to help or so that they don’t think badly of me? » And then gradually you will learn to refuse people in situations where someone's request will run counter to your interests.

It is very important to know when and where to be selfish so as not to forget about yourself, but at the same time from time to time show attention to other people and provide assistance.

Don't think too often about when and where to be selfish. Sometimes it pays to do something selflessly and from the heart. Good deeds often come back to us from other people, even if we sacrifice our own interests.

Selfishness and its manifestations: video

Who is an egoist? This is a person whose views, interests and behavior completely revolve around his own "I" and are directed solely to his own good. Egoism is most easily revealed in a situation that puts a person before a choice - to satisfy their own interests or to sacrifice them for the sake of another person. What else is selfishness?

Types of selfishness

Each of us was told in childhood that being selfish is bad. And in the end, we learned how to cunningly turn the situation in our favor, telling a person: “You are an egoist! You don't consider my interests at all!" But after all, in this way we ourselves show selfishness, without even noticing it.

In fact, selfishness is neither good nor bad. This is absolutely natural for a person who has a healthy psyche and normal self-esteem. To condemn another for selfishness is stupid - one can only condemn the degree of manifestation of this quality.

Therefore, three main types of selfishness can be distinguished:

Overegoism. Something from the series "all women are like women, but I'm a goddess."

Self-deprecation. Such a person constantly says: “Oh my God, just look at what a nonentity I am!”

Healthy selfishness is the golden mean between the two extremes. A person understands both his own and other people's needs and strives for their mutual satisfaction.

The main signs of unhealthy selfishness

Try looking at your friends. Surely among them there is at least one notorious egoist. How will it differ from others?

He does not take on a case that will not bring him benefit.
Whatever you talk to him about, one way or another you will have to discuss his outstanding personality.
He believes that there are only two opinions - his and the wrong one.
Knows how to find a way out of difficult situations with the help of others.
He is indifferent to everyone except himself.
He hopes that others will give in, but he himself will not compromise.
In someone else's eye he will notice a mote, in his own he will not see a log.
In any of his actions, he tries to find a benefit or frankly demands it.

Consequences of selfishness

Some individuals believe that egoists live very well in modern society. And what, they are doing the right thing: they go ahead, think only about themselves, and in fact they achieve success! But in reality, the laws of human relations have a negative effect on those people who will not lift a finger without personal gain.

Sooner or later, others will turn away from the egoist, as his behavior is socially unacceptable. He will not be able to start a normal serious relationship with anyone - the matter will always be limited to only superficial contacts. Loneliness is the most terrible retribution for selfishness.

What is healthy selfishness?

You have absolutely healthy egoism if:

you know how to defend your point of view, refusing what, in your opinion, can harm you;
willing to compromise;
you can defend yourself by any means if a threat of danger hangs over you or your loved ones;
obey no one, but do not control others either;
make a choice in your own favor, without being tormented by guilt;
pay attention primarily to your own interests, but at the same time you understand that there is another way of looking at things;
do not be afraid to express your own opinion, even if it contradicts the opinion of the majority;
can criticize others without stooping to insults;
respect your partner's wishes, but also consider your own principles.

Thus, by reflecting on the topic of how egoism manifests itself, you can learn a lot about yourself and your friends. The main thing is not to cross the line of healthy egoism, and then both those around you and yourself will be satisfied.

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