Why don't I like myself? Reasons for low self-esteem. Why I don’t like myself: reasons, ways to change this, and advice from a psychologist

It turns out I don’t like myself at all. If earlier I thought that at least partially, then after our lesson - nope. All the tricks you talked about are peculiar to me. And I thought it was a manifestation of love.

The most basic problem is putting off self-love for later. It seems that I do not see the point.

Even when I have time, I find something to do, but not myself. I am either too lazy, or right now I want to do something else. Such a strong resistance, just a sharp reluctance!

Where to start all the same? To force? As soon as I start to "engage in myself", the body breaks already.

Hope

Nadia, yes. First you have to force yourself. Keep track of how your mind distracts you on social networks, to sleep, to do something “more important and urgent” - just not to deal with yourself.

AND at the beginning - force yourself to do this. I will explain why.

All the emotions that you experience, all your actions, thoughts and words lead to certain biochemical processes in the body.

An emotion of anger injects some chemical elements into the blood, irritation - others, apathy - third, joy - fourth. Cigarettes - fifth, etc.

You lived most of your life, feeling your “bouquet” of emotions, among which there was no love for yourself, causeless joy and enjoyment, for which you would not feel guilty. This means that your body is accustomed to a specific set of biochemical elements.

And now you “suddenly” begin to take care of yourself, support yourself, take care of your joy ... and completely different biochemical processes begin in the body. Not familiar to you, new to you.

And the body and psyche begin to break. They require the usual food.

When an alcoholic stops drinking vodka, he begins to break. For him, the real “salvation” is to drink a glass, because this glass will take away breaking!

That's why at least three hundred times you want to feel happiness, joy, love for yourself, and you can’t avoid a period of withdrawal. The body and psyche will resist and demand that you return to your old behavior. Consider yourself a drug addict who sits on the needle of "suffering and self-dislike."

So, if you want to get rid of this biochemical dependence, you need to know about it.

Breaking will be. And you just have to survive it. Yes, at first - on willpower.

If you really want to start living in joy, ease and love, just keep track of how the mind resists. You can talk to him, calm him down, say: “Dear, I understand you, you are in shock, it’s unusual for you. But now I decided to live in love and joy. And stress, discontent and guilt - in the furnace. So, get used to the new biochemistry. " And calmly, systematically (at first - on the strength of will) you do what you consider necessary. Over time, resistance will weaken.

The second one. You wrote that you yourself do not understand why you need to deal with yourself.And so, you need to start with the realization of why, in fact, why.

To answer this question for yourself is your most important task.You will not find the answer in books, in trainings. Other people's answers will never be yours. In the very depths of your essence, you will have to find your own reasons for loving yourself and taking care of yourself.

What for? Or maybe not at all? Well, forget it! The important thing is not whether you are doing yourself or not. And whether you are happy or unhappy. Do you wake up with the thought of how great it is to live, after all?

And if you are NOT happy, what do you still not understand? You tried to solve your problems, doing the opposite - doing other people. Passing out completely, catering to them, striving to do everything to make them happy. Did this help you? So, maybe it makes sense to admit that this method does not work? And since it doesn’t work like this, maybe you should try differently?

In general, you yourself must answer the question - why do you need to love yourself and do it yourself. Until you answer this question clearly and clearly, you will sabotage and be distracted.

Live 24 hours a day with one question in mind: why? The task is considered complete when the answer that is born within you will hook you emotionally.

Some time ago, I went around asking why I should live. I suddenly found that I did not see any reason to live that would touch me.

Everything has been seen hundreds of times .. The games that people play with rapture are not interesting .. It’s “failed” to unleash the full power of my potential. But gray I didn’t want. I was not afraid to leave, but for some reason I did not leave. I was between. And it is not clear why to live, and it’s a pity to leave.

It suddenly dawned on me that I therefore live “in no way” because I have not made the final decision whether to live or not to live. And if you live, then why.

All standard answers such as “God gave life, and only God has the right to take it ... for the sake of parents ... save humanity ... change the world for the better” ... it's just scary to die ”- do not fit. Because they do not touch.

And for three days, day and night, I lived with one single question: why should I live? I was looking inside myself for reasons that would have touched me with goosebumps. I found them.

But my reasons will never be yours. And so I do not write you the “what” I found. You have your own. And you also need to find them. In the very depths of your being. Why do you care about yourself? Why do you need to love yourself?

And after that - the third. The reason for your resistance to engage in yourself is because your subconscious sees this as some kind of danger, or something unpleasant, undesirable.

At some level, for you to engage in yourself and love yourself is bad. And so your mind takes you away from it.

You need to pull this out. It is done like this. Immediately after waking up, without even getting into the toilet, you pick up a notebook and answer the following questions:

What is bad, unpleasant is that I will deal with myself and love myself?

What good will I lose if I deal with myself and love myself?

And you write at least 50 answers for each. Without thinking them over, without analyzing them, you simply write, even if it seems to you that this is irrelevant. This is how you pull out all those obstacles, all the reasons why your mind sabotages the process.

All this will need to be considered and changed (if before that you clearly answered yourself - why do you choose to deal with yourself and love yourself).

If there are limiting beliefs, rewrite them. Fears-emotions - to meet with them, live and work out any technique. You will need to look at each obstruction objection and decide what you will do with it.

And yes, I remind you, you will first have to do this through willpower, forcing yourself. But two things will help you:

1) understanding that resistance is normal. This breaking always happens, simply because the body is used to a different biochemistry.

2) the answer to the question, why do you need it. Obtained from the very depths of your heart.

Many girls and women have a serious problem - they do not love enough and value themselves. Some of them are wondering why others are more lucky in their personal lives and careers, and they are all bad, despite the efforts made. Most often this happens precisely because of self-dislike!

You will not love yourself, no one will love you

It has long been known the golden rule that if you do not love yourself, then you have a very low chance that someone else will show this feeling to you. Of course, we are not talking about narcissism, but you should not forget about yourself either. As a rule, people who put themselves lower than others, in the end, receive less, which means that they feel disadvantaged, which is why they are often immersed in depression. Being in this state, it is difficult for a person to arouse interest in someone, and even more so - delight. A depressive person is immersed in his thoughts, limiting himself in contacts, and accordingly in those people who could love them. It is difficult to argue that people who value themselves and love, always find time to take care of themselves, to pamper yourself with something. Naturally, in this case, they usually always look good and more often than others are in a good mood, which undoubtedly attracts others. Self-love is a huge force, and many problems in life stem precisely from the lack of this bright feeling for one's own person. You can avoid many partings, conflicts, misunderstandings and disappointments, simply by learning to treat yourself with love.

What does it mean to love yourself

1. Take care of yourselfSelf-love is manifested in many aspects, and one of them is a careful attitude to one’s health, well-being and so on. Often we are ready to make unjustified sacrifices, even at the cost of our health. An example is a woman who works hard to provide for her family, while her husband does not think to strain. When taking on such burdens, be prepared for not the most pleasant health consequences. Also a good example: a woman feels unwell, but is in no hurry to go to the doctor, hoping that everything will "resolve itself", and it is better to spend the money on New Year's gifts. Remember that your health is very important, and inattention threatens to develop into truly serious problems. 2. Comfort and reassure yourselfDo not expect anyone else to do this for you. Of course, such a development of events is not excluded, however, you should always be ready to take care of yourself. Do it as you would for a near and dear person. Your day went wrong, and the evening promises to be no less difficult - household chores and more? Transfer all your worries to later, for now, allow yourself to calm down after a hard day or an unpleasant trip. Take a bath, drink a hot drink, watch a series of your favorite series - in general, do something that usually helps you find your lost balance. Even if you think that there are more important things to do now, you can probably wait a bit with them. 3. Pamper yourselfIf sacrifice is inherent in you, but at the same time you prefer to ignore your own needs, then this can become a serious problem for you, or maybe it has already become. Indulge sometimes your weaknesses. Buy yourself the goodies that you love, pamper yourself with the latest in cosmetics, procedures at the beautician, home personal care. Give yourself small and large gifts. 4. Accept yourselfSome people do not like themselves, believing that they simply do not deserve love because of some shortcomings. Perhaps these shortcomings are far-fetched, and maybe the real essence of this does not change. If you don’t like something in yourself, and you can’t change it in any way, then the only sure way out is to accept your peculiarity and even love it! Are you not happy with growth? Think about the benefits that it gives you. And so on. It is worth noting that most of the shortcomings can still be corrected or corrected in a certain way. If some feature is haunting you, try to find a way to fix it; it will really be easier for you to live and love yourself after that!

I do not like myself what to do

1. Love for no reasonRealize that you absolutely do not need a special reason to love yourself. Even if you are not distinguished by special achievements, do not have amazing talents and a spectacular appearance - this is not a reason to treat yourself worse than anyone else. There are no more people like you in the world, each person is special, and you should value your own uniqueness in yourself. 2. Forgive the mistakes of the pastAccept the past and realize what lessons you can learn from it. Some people are biased due to the mistakes of the past. If you also often think about what happened once, then this is not a good sign. Learn to let go of the past, learning useful lessons from it, but not bringing it into the present life. 3. Do not compare yourselfDo not think that someone is better than you just because in some area he has more achievements. Such comparisons can be done endlessly - both in your own favor and in someone else's. Everyone has different abilities and abilities, and this is normal. The only person you make sense to compete with is yourself. You can improve any skills, appearance, etc., but you shouldn’t do it, leaning on someone. 4. Do not overestimate othersOften, we are prevented from loving ourselves by the fact that someone is more successful, more beautiful, and the like. This item follows from the previous one. Perhaps in something else the other person took place more than you, but you probably have an advantage in the other. Anyway, should it be more important to you how others live than their own lives?

5. Protect your healthCareful attitude to one’s own health is one of the first steps towards self-love. Go in for sports, adhere to proper nutrition, regularly stay in the fresh air. Do not forget to undergo regular examinations, protect yourself from cold and heat, thereby you can subsequently avoid unnecessary problems. 6. Do not communicate with people who are unpleasant to youIf possible, minimize or completely exclude communication with people who are unpleasant to you and undermine your faith in your own strengths and capabilities or somehow underestimate your self-esteem. Contacts with such personalities will definitely not do you any good, but will only spoil your mood.

How to learn to respect yourself - where to start

1. Improve self-esteemFirst of all, it is important to increase your self-esteem. Typically, a person increases self-esteem after any at least a small achievement. This can be a trip to the gym, 20 squats at home, preparing a new dish, attending a master class. Be open to new knowledge and positive experiences, and this will positively affect your self-esteem. 2. Always be a confident personBy increasing your self-esteem, you will undoubtedly be able to become more self-confident. Even if you have not developed this quality now, learn not to show it. Try to keep yourself at least outwardly confident, and gradually it will become a habit. 3. Start to value yourselfDrop all negative thoughts and censure at your own expense. Accept that ideal people simply do not exist! Your life has been given to you, and if you wish, you can make it happy and comfortable. Do not force yourself to do what you do not want to please someone. Your task is, first of all, to improve your own life, and not justify someone else's expectations. 4. Tips and advice of a psychologistOne important point on the path to self-respect is to stop tolerating what causes you discomfort. For example, a girlfriend likes to tell long and uninteresting stories over the phone for a long time, and with her reasoning she “takes” the lion's share of your evening, after which you do not have time to do what you really needed. Understanding that now the telephone conversation is really distracting you, interrupt the storyteller, for example, with the following words: "Marina, I'm sorry, my neighbor came to me here, let's call back at another time." Although you can tell the truth - you are going to take a bath, start cooking dinner, or even just take a nap! Do not consider your needs less important than someone’s desire to speak out. The same advice can be applied to those who can’t tolerate smoke, but to put up with smoking in their car or kitchen, or to those who are upset by unsolicited advice, but he continues to listen to them. Feel free to declare that it brings you inconvenience.

How a woman or girl to develop self-love

Love yourself and your appearance for real

Even if you do not like some features of your appearance, you should not focus your attention on them. If there is an opportunity to fix something that you do not like, then do not neglect it, if it really poisons your life. If this is not possible, then it makes no sense to think about what cannot be changed. It is possible that your complexes are completely contrived, but now this is not about that. Surely there are certain advantages in you that you can always emphasize. Think more about these features. Learn to look after your appearance, and over time you will more and more like your own reflection in the mirror. Do not forget about home procedures for personal care, periodically visit beauty salons, where they take care of your skin and hair. Do not forget about visits to the dentist who will preserve the beauty of your smile and so on. If you have problems with the skin, then it is possible that they need to be addressed not in the cosmetologist’s office, but in the dermatologist’s office. Many girls and women have been suffering for years from a problem that can often be resolved in a few days. Having started careful care of your appearance, you, of course, will love yourself more.

You need to accept yourself for who you are

Do not try to meet someone's established standards of beauty, remember your personality. The same applies to character, place of work, and so on. Of course, all these aspects, if possible, should be improved, but only in order to facilitate their own lives, and not fit into someone else's ideas about the ideal. If you are quiet and modest by nature, then someone may find you squeezed and notorious, and to someone you will seem charmingly shy. If you are a sociable girl, then someone may decide that you are the soul of the company, and to someone you will seem an upstart. It’s impossible everyone likes it, but you can learn to live in harmony with yourself.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start acting

Self-pity is a very unproductive feeling that can help little. Of course, sometimes it’s not superfluous to feel sorry for yourself and comfort, but this should not be limited to this. If you find yourself in a situation that causes regret for you, then everything you need to do to get out of this situation and try not to allow it again, then you can not be sorry for yourself, but be proud of yourself.

Psychological Technique - Easy Steps to Yourself

To love yourself, it is important to learn to listen to your desires and needs. If you often have to give in to someone to the detriment of yourself, then this does not bode well for you subsequently. It can be any little things: the choice of dishes in a cafe, an uncomfortable time for you to meet, the constant borrowing of money to an uneconomical girlfriend, unloved work and the like. If you regularly do what causes your rejection, then this threatens you, at least with a spoiled mood. Listen to your desires, and if you understand that you do not want to do something, and in general - are not required, then it is worth listening to your desire.

Is it possible to teach a person to love himself and other people

Of course, in order to find inner and outer harmony, it is important to learn to love not only yourself, but also the people around you. So first, start with self-love:

If something causes you concern, and in your thoughts you have already predicted the most unpleasant development of events, then this is probably what you do quite often and you need to fight this! Do not think about anything bad unless you know for sure what happened. Hope for a favorable outcome. But even if something bad happened, do not focus on the negatives, but look for ways to solve the problem. If any gloomy thoughts come into your head, consciously change their direction and think about something pleasant. Surely you have advantages that deserve praise. Remind yourself regularly of them, and you can even write them down on a piece of paper so that you can periodically remind yourself of your important qualities. For example: “I'm lucky!”, “I'm smart!”, “I'm charismatic!”, “I'm responsible!”, And the like. You would probably be horrified if you thought how much time it took you to scroll through the long-spoken dialogs in your head, imagine how you would respond now, and so on. Throw the unpleasant past out of your head! The moments that caused you pain or discomfort are not worthy of again and again surfacing in your life. As soon as bad thoughts begin to creep up to you again, think about something else, switch yourself to more pleasant thoughts. You can reflect on what to give to a dear person for the next holiday, where to get out for the weekend or on vacation and other pleasant moments. Having learned to free your mind from negative thoughts, you can not only be more loyal to yourself, but, most likely, change the attitude towards people around you. What you should pay attention to those who lack in themselves love for others. Do not expect from others what is peculiar to you. Everyone has the right to live as he likes! For example, you are used to waking up at six in the morning, and do not understand how someone can sleep until ten in the morning, even if a person does not need to go anywhere before this time. Of course, you do not forget to periodically express your bewilderment, and give advice on sleep patterns. Believe me, such advisers are very annoying. Take life easier, don’t put someone in a tight frame just because you live differently. Understand that if someone does not follow the rules that you are trying to follow, this does not mean that this person is bad - he is just different. Even if someone annoys you unbearably, try to minimize this feeling. In addition, often the object of irritation may not be aware of your feelings, and with these negative emotions you just add extra stress to your life. Think about the positive aspects in this person for which you can feel sympathy for him. If you believe that there are no such parties, then that means you were looking for them poorly. Do not be biased, and try first of all to see good sides in others.

Psychology: how to make yourself better and learn to live in joy for yourself

If you want to treat yourself better, then you should become better - as you can see, the pattern here is quite simple! At the same time, you do not need to chase after some mythical ideal and in a far-fetched way - you can bring a lot of changes into your life without any loss, it will only be a joy to you. So where to start? 1. SportsYou have probably already heard that regular sports activities not only have a beneficial effect on health, but also contribute to the development of the “hormone of happiness”. Many people notice that no matter how bad the day is, an hour in the gym significantly improves mood and perfectly switches attention. Those who play sports in the morning, as a rule, feel much better than usual for the next day. Of course, it is not necessary to go to the gym if you are not attracted to such a pastime - you can run in the park, swim in the pool, attend yoga classes and so on. If desired, you can choose something to your liking. 2. Enrich your knowledgeFor many people, school and student years are the most active time for obtaining knowledge, but it is important to constantly enrich yourself with new interesting information. If now you do not have lessons or lectures, this means that you yourself can choose interesting material for yourself. Go to exhibitions, sign up for tours, workshops and the like. Regularly learn something new - this will positively affect your self-esteem, and will make you a more interesting personality for others. 3. Pay attention to othersIt’s hard to get better without caring for anyone. There are many options! You can shelter, cure and raise a homeless kitten that will become a real friend to you. You can take the animal from the shelter or just periodically help some local organization for the protection of our smaller brothers. It is equally important to pay attention to loved ones - to please elderly relatives with visits and gifts, make surprises for kids, and so on. The more goodness you give, the happier you will begin to feel - try it! 4. Do not spread negativityIt is important not only not to spread the negative, but also to stop this from other people, especially close ones. If a person dear to you is experiencing and escalating the situation, do not support this, try to convince that everything will work out, turn your attention. Sami, too, abandon the habit of "crying" about their troubles. So you not only create an aura of negativity around you, but also spoil the mood of other people, and this is not good. 5. Set goalsMoreover, please note that it is important not only to set goals, but also not to forget to achieve them. Would you like to finally go abroad? Write down point by point on a piece of paper what needs to be done for this - now this is your plan! Define timelines for the implementation of the plan and act! Do the same if you want to lose weight, gain muscle mass, learn to dance, grow healthy and beautiful hair, and so on. 6. Do not delay solving problemsIf you have a problem, it is unwise in this situation to just think positively and do nothing. Remember, serious nuisance can grow out of any small problem. Do not try to forget about unresolved issues, constantly moving them for later. It is difficult to just start, but as soon as you get down to business and end it, you can once again be glad that you have freed yourself from unnecessary thoughts and experiences that would still remain in the subconscious.

Why don't I like myself?

What makes you think badly of yourself? Why do we not love ourselves so much? Why do we believe that life failed, and our abilities are zero? We sincerely want to correct the situation, accept ourselves, and we cannot understand what caused dissatisfaction with our own "I".

There are many reasons that make you feel negative about yourself. This, for example, criticism of other people. After all, someone has been evaluating us all his life! Our friends, relatives, colleagues or even unfamiliar people. And, of course, they are not always correct in their statements. If we take too close to our hearts the judgments of others about us and our actions, and consider their words an objective truth, then our self-esteem suffers significantly. We ourselves are able to evaluate our life, because it is ours, and it is we who know everything about it, including the motives of certain actions that may seem completely unfounded to someone from the outside.

Often in our lives we attach great importance to certain events. For some, work is very important; for others, family. And if something doesn’t stick together in a significant area of \u200b\u200blife for us, if one failure after another fails, self-esteem will inevitably fall. Are you putting all your efforts into the work, but cannot get a promotion in any way? In the head of the slice there are many thoughts about their own failure. It is important to stop and think here, is this event really important in your life? After all, this is not all that it consists of. There are friends with whom you have a great relationship, loving parents or a wife, and you are also very good at technology! Life is not limited only to this increase, it is much wider and more diverse. Can not all these advantages outshine the failures at work, which, by the way, will not last forever?

Another reason for low self-esteem is too high expectations from ourselves. We are seizing on an excessive amount of work, and even want to do it in the shortest possible time! As a result, the desired result cannot be achieved, and we lose faith in our strengths, but do not assess the complexity of the task. Indeed, in our place no one could handle it!

And self-esteem is closely linked to loneliness. People are social beings, we just need relationships with our own kind. Imagine a situation when a person lives alone, he has no friends, he does not maintain contact with his family, in a word, he is completely lonely. Looking at such a situation from the outside, we will most likely say that such a person is inferior. This is the opinion of society, and we ourselves feel something deprived when there are no close people nearby, when no one can support us in difficult times. Perhaps in these moments thoughts will flash in our head that since we were unable to establish relations with anyone, we are not worthy of respect and love. These thoughts must be driven away from oneself, and the faster the better. Due to the inability to communicate and establish contacts, many feel isolated and realize that they are deprived of some important part of their lives, which means that they feel inferior. Develop communication skills, be open to other people and don't be afraid to take the initiative.

Our low self-esteem can be caused by various reasons, but if we are aware of this problem and are determined not to back down, everything is in our hands! Having understood how and why self-dislike arises, we have a chance to look at the situation in a new way, without illusions and embellishment. The main thing is to start acting and not stop there, because the first step has already been taken!

Lack of self-love is a problem for many people, especially women. The habit of depreciating oneself is formed due to psychological injuries received in childhood. But it is quite possible to get rid of it, even having matured.

Definition

Before embarking on a search for an answer to the question “why I do not like myself”, it is necessary to understand the concept of self-love. Indeed, otherwise, the direction of work on yourself will remain unclear. Does a person’s life become better when he loves himself, or is it just another fashion trend? Self-love is not selfishness and not laziness. Also, this term does not mean the ability to allow yourself to do whatever you want. People often ask psychologists: “Why do not I love myself?”. When they are interested in who, in their opinion, possesses such a quality, people often call a certain selfish and narcissistic person from their environment.

Self-love is not pride or narcissism

But one must understand that the true ability to value oneself is not narcissism. This is a conscious decision to respect yourself, your dignity and protect your borders. A person who loves himself should not allow situations of humiliation - both on the part of the opponent and on his own. The close people whom he let into his circle should be clearly aware of how he can be treated, and how not.

Signs of a lack of self-love

The following vital moments are an indicator of a lack of care, respect and self-love:

Neglecting healthy sleep. A person is working late at night doing housework or performing any other duties to please other people and to the detriment of his health.
Lack of care for yourself and your body. This is especially true for women (how to love ladies - will be discussed below).
Overeating / malnutrition / absorption of junk food. Yes, malnutrition can be a form of aggression directed at oneself. Therefore, eating another hamburger instead of a healthy soup with salad, you should ask yourself: why do I really do this?
Lack of physical activity. Fitness, swimming, walks in the fresh air - those who do not love themselves do not even think about all this. As a result, this seriously affects his health. Although at first, of course, the lack of activity does not seem criminal to him. But diseases form over the years, and this is worth remembering.
A communication that hits self-esteem and humiliates a person. Seeing a person who continues to be in a toxic relationship, one can only wonder why people do not like themselves? In many cases, a person simply does not realize that he is not obliged to maintain communication that is harmful to him. To realize this, it is often necessary to work with a psychologist.
Breaking the boundaries of family and friends. A person who does not love himself becomes a kind of scapegoat in the family. Other relatives, without a twinge of conscience, take advantage of his opportunities, time, property, and abilities.
Unwillingness to realize their dreams, lack of motivation to start their fulfillment. Personality for years and decades seems to be trying to get out of the vicious circle, but does not make any efforts to this - although it is not clear why. A man does not love himself if he does not try to make his life better, does not seek to take advantage of the opportunities that fate provides him.
Dissatisfaction with oneself and one's life. All of the above leads to the fact that the person becomes depressed. Life becomes unbearable for her.

Causes

There are several factors that lead to this state of things:

Low social status. From youth, a person is unable to build close relationships with others.
Dysfunctional family atmosphere.
Constant failure of life.
Excessive criticism of parents, teachers, and then superiors.
The presence of imperfections in appearance.
Dependencies - alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction, etc.

“Why don't I like myself?”: A female question

A woman often makes the mistake of giving herself completely to her husband and children. There are also ladies who devote their lives to work and career, leaving no room for themselves and their desires. But after some time they begin to worry about those issues that were not previously considered important - their own physical and mental health, the presence of self-confidence, self-esteem and how to love yourself. It is good if the lady begins to think about this not at a later age, but earlier, when there is still the opportunity to rebuild her worldview.

Living in the rhythm of a big city, with all its vanity, haste and eternal problems, it is very important to slow down and listen to your heart and your feelings. Let society enthusiastically impose "All the best for children" and encourage us to worship the "flowers of life", but we must first think about ourselves. After all, a happy mother woman is a delight for a child and for the family as a whole.

The consequences of women devaluing themselves

If there is no love for yourself, then you need to start cultivating it as soon as possible, and not throw yourself in a distant dusty corner. A state of self-dislike leads to the destruction and degradation of the individual. Life becomes not a joyful fairy tale, but a heavy burden in which there is no place for lightness, a rainbow-colored mood and inspiration.

How to learn to appreciate the fair sex?

How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a woman? Psychologists usually give the following recommendations:

Take your cons and flaws. There are no ideal people, but everyone has the right to be himself - because it is for this reason that a person is born
Do not cheat yourself. This is a real scourge of many women. Do not take sorrows and temporary difficulties to heart.
Develop patience. Do not exchange your energy for irritation - it is better to put it into a constructive direction. And there, you look, and all problems will be resolved.
Love yourself today, not in the future. After all, you can wait endlessly to wait until you manage to lose weight or occupy a high position.

The basic principles of self-love are as follows:

Respect for yourself and your environment. A person who does not value himself cannot appreciate those who are next to him. That is why self-esteem and respect for others is an integral part of self-love. Caring for your health - both physical and mental. The first step that a person who loves himself can and should take is to take care of the state of his body and psyche. Are there any physical diseases? Do I need to visit a general practitioner or a highly specialized specialist? Perhaps there are emotional difficulties that need to be resolved with a psychologist? Or do you suffer from sleep disorders and need a trip to a neurologist or somnologist?
The ability to pamper yourself with something that brings joy and satisfaction. To do this, you need to determine what exactly brings pleasure. Each person has something of his own. One likes hiking in nature, the other - looking after his own garden or country plants, the third - creativity, art. One of the main psychological tips on how to love yourself is the following: you need to learn how to set aside time on a schedule for those things that really make you happy.
Take care of yourself, do not take on more than you can do, whether it's work or household chores. This is an important condition. Indeed, to value and love oneself means not to force oneself to suffer intentionally. For example, if you do not have time to cook dinner, you can find a replacement in the form of the ordered food - good, the modern assortment offers the opportunity to eat as you like. The same applies to other areas of life.
Limit communication with unpleasant and negative personalities. Communication should bring joy and healthy emotions. First, people communicate with those who belittle them, and then they ask: “Why do I not love myself?” When a person communicates with someone who does not value him, this does not bring him much joy. Therefore, such ties must be broken.
Ability to rest and relax. Work and the performance of their duties are important, but do not forget that the body and psyche also need to be restored.
To enjoy life, to be in the moment - here and now. A person who does not love himself often becomes depressed. He seems to be next to other people, but his mind wanders somewhere far away. In order not to soar in the clouds (in the negative meaning of this expression), it is necessary to notice what the present offers. To do this, you should intentionally switch the focus of attention to "here and now."
Rejoice at the little things. Every day you need to notice something good. This allows you to develop a healing sense of gratitude, a feeling of fullness of being and contentment with life.

A man who loves himself is one who can do anything. And he will undoubtedly achieve everything he dreams of.

14.03.2017 11:18:28

The topic of self-dislike and failure in life is extremely important. A lot of letters have come from you regarding the article, which we will try to parse in the near future.

Each of us wants to be happy. But because of dislike for himself, because of the rejection of his complexes and shortcomings, a person deprives himself of the opportunity to become better. What you cannot accept in yourself, you cannot change, which means that the problems will remain ...

How to understand and accept yourself? Let's find out.

Today we’ll talk with you about where your bad habits and failures in life come from. I warn you right away, we’ll talk about the structure of our brain, and no matter how I try to write simply and clearly, the text is complicated. Those who want to understand this issue will have to strain gyrus. Those who are too lazy to understand their problems may not read this article.

Why am I afraid of my success?

Many people do not like themselves because they can’t achieve anything themselves in this life. They cannot make conscious choices and achieve what they want. And suffer from it ...

I love them very much. But I'm too fixated on them. They are my center of the universe. I call them several times a day. I constantly monitor where they are, with whom, what they are doing. Although they never followed me. They simply asked me to warn me where I would go and when I would return, so as not to worry.

Dad spoke to me in childhood only when something did not work out. For example: "Something you unabashed." But when I lost weight - no one paid attention to it. They gave it to dancing - they kicked me out of there with shame: "She will never learn." My parents gave me an art ... I didn’t like it there, after a couple of years I stopped going there. Mom always said: "You won’t succeed, your hands are in the wrong place." Hence, apparently, my dislike of myself. And how can I use the technique of forgiveness? "I love parents so much and don’t take offense at them."

Irina.

Irina, cadets often write to me that they have wonderful parents, and they are not to blame for their misfortunes in life. But starting to work with Forgiveness and Reprogramming, they suddenly find out a lot of interesting things about their character traits. For example, you wrote in a letter about how you were kicked out of dance with shame. Unconsciously, you blame the parents for this, and you are seriously offended by them. But consciously write that there are no offenses.

What is luck or failure in your past?

This is the opinion of your parents about that situation in life. In fact, experienced teachers cannot drive a child out of the circle with shame, because something does not work out for him. A person with a teacher education must tell the child: “Can’t you dance? Don’t worry, you can try: singing, chess, painting, or whatever your heart desires! And you will certainly succeed if you make your efforts! Just look for what you REALLY like!”

There are no stupid and unworthy children, there are only those who are NOT doing their job.

But your parents did not have a pedagogical education, and they made it clear to you that they kicked you out in disgrace. And it makes no sense to blame them, they did not know how to behave.

But you must see the reasons for your failures. In this case, you will know how to set yourself up for success in life.

In the meantime, you did not succeed, because parents made decisions for you, and you’re used to living like that. Why? Because through their actions, the parents inspired you with the thought: "I can’t make the right choice myself!"

"If a man is told a hundred times that he is a pig, he grunts a hundred and first time."
Hodja Nasruddin

How is the character of a person formed?

In childhood, gaining new experience and knowledge, more and more new connections between neurons appear in the brain of a child. Some bonds are often used and gradually overgrow with myelin. The myelin sheath is an electrically insulating sheath covering the axons of many neurons. It allows further connections between neurons to become basic. Those connections that are rarely used do not overgrow with myelin, which means that in the future you will not use them.

This can be compared to wires. If a child often thinks about something, this connection between neurons gradually becomes a thick rubberized wire, along which electrical impulses easily slip, which means that they are easy to use. If a child rarely thinks about something, such connections between neurons are like thin, constantly torn wires. And if the wires are thin and torn - your thoughts will run only along the good and thick "wires".

If your parents regularly made decisions for you and said that it’s better, a thick neural connection appeared in your brain: “Do as your parents say.” The brain tends to use old and strong connections more often in any life circumstances. More often than not, we think with old and thick “wires”!

That is why people are so conservative, and it is so difficult for them to change their habits, character and type of thinking.

Yes, of course, you may have other connections in your brain, for example: "Making conscious choices is good and right.". But if this connection is thin - in order to use it, you need to make a conscious decision (i.e., FORCING yourself to think that way). If you don’t make this decision, you will think in accordance with the old program.

The brain of a child, its main connections between neurons, are formed up to four years. Up to seven years they are completely overgrown with myelin, and we get a person with a formed character and destiny. In the future, something will change in his thinking and character will be extremely difficult.

And even if you think that your parents are not involved in the formation of your life principles, habits, limitations, etc. - they are still involved!

That is why, if our cadet fails to complete some task of the course and achieve her goal, we work with Forgiveness and Reprogramming. If she will responsibly work on her complexes and troubles, she will be able to convince herself that this is her opinion is not correct, and leads her to failures in life. So, you need to use CONSCIOUS efforts in order to change your habit.

And methods of different psychological schools go to help her. If a cadet responsibly works on herself, after 45 days she forms a new, necessary for her connection between neurons, which she gradually begins to use out of habit.

So we form a new character and a new destiny.

Where do the new and useful connections between neurons come from?

First you need to understand the REASONS for your strange and unnecessary behavior.

It is clear that my cadets do not remember themselves before the age of four, so they need to remember all the later life situations that formed their bad habit. Remembering and rewriting ALL of these situations (starting today and gradually becoming a thing of the past) from the perspective of an adult and successful person (and this is a long process) - cadets themselves program to use the new connection between neurons.

What is funny, Academician A. Ukhtomsky proposed changing his habits with the help of constant conscious influence on them in the first half of the 20th century, before it was found out how our brain is structured and works. The science of neurobiology has fully confirmed his discoveries.

In fact, any person already understands how to influence their character and change habits. These things are obvious and undeniable.

But why doesn't a person do this?

Because you need a program to help him in this useful activity. A clear, planned, influencing precisely the formation of new stable connections between neurons. Working with our course DAO: The Way of the Woman From the first school day, you will form new and useful settings in your brain, as well as support each other on our project. And what's important, write interim reports, which is also very good for building good habits.

Why can't I achieve something in life?

"Good afternoon, Oksana! Thank you for the information you give in the books and the newsletter!

The answer to the question:
My dislike of myself at the moment is in the fear of manifesting myself, my dignity, capabilities and qualities, both professional and personal. The idea that you still have to work on yourself, that I'm not good enough, and it's too early to show myself. All of the series "do not show a fool half a job." On the other hand, "there is no limit to perfection." This is such a popular double-edged sword: responsibility for one’s work is self-doubt. "

Elena.

Elena, it is important to understand that some harmful connections between neurons are formed in a person under the influence of stress. And in the future they seriously affect his character. For example, this relationship: "Why try if you still fail."

Look, from Irina’s previous letter:

"... They sent me to dances, they kicked me out with shame:" She will never learn. "My parents gave me art ... I didn’t like it there ... And my mother always said:" You won’t succeed, your hands won’t from that place. "

The child survived the shame, moreover, from the closest people. Did not live up to their hopes. Stress is strongest, which means a strong connection between neurons: "Why try if you still fail?". So the human brain seeks to protect you from future stress, depriving you of the opportunity to do something - after all, it’s scolded anyway, so it's better not to try. You unconsciously yourself do not allow yourself to become better.

Therefore, I don’t like anything in the drawing club, and there is no interest in doing it. Although there may be the ability to draw ...

One cadet described to me how her mother taught to play the piano. She screamed all the time, and said what a stupid student she was. As a result, the daughter never learned anything, although she has excellent music abilities ... Having worked with the course materials, understood and forgiven mother and herself, she is now successfully studying classical guitar and is already performing in public (everyone has a crisis, but Her income is growing :)).

How does the brain not allow a person to do something?

With the help of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Do you want to do something new or bring your business to the end? It will not work, because your brain will protect you by giving you a serving of cortisol.

So a person, without even realizing it, will sabotage his work. You will be anxious, and thoughts will unconsciously spin in your head: "We still have to work on myself. I'm not good enough, it's too early to show myself ..."

Elena, so that new connections between neurons appear, for example: "I know and accept my shortcomings, and work on my virtues.", or "I'm already good enough, and I believe in myself! I allow myself to get what I want! .." - you need to understand within a couple of months where your self-doubt came from - to find situations in the past that provoked such thoughts. And if there are grievances from the past, it means that these connections are formed under the influence of stress.

If you get rid of grievances - you allow yourself to do new things and get results from your actions.

I do not like myself because I eat a lot!

"Good afternoon, Oksana!
In the last issue of the newsletter, you asked to write about the reasons for your dislike of yourself. My reason is that I just can’t make myself eat less and eat healthy food. Because of this, I am not losing weight, I am upset - and again I want to eat. Some kind of vicious circle turns out ... "

Regards, Anastasia.

Cortisol is a good thing. When his blood level rises, a person seeks to understand what he is doing wrong. And it’s good when we unconsciously pull our hand away from the hot plate.

But sometimes this protection is completely useless and even harmful.

For example, you thought of a boss who scolded you for a poorly made report. There is a feeling of anxiety. And life experience tells you that chocolate will bring a sense of comfort. During food, "hormones of happiness" enter the bloodstream. Feeling of comfort distracts you from experiences, and it seems: when you eat, the threat recedes.

Consciousness tells you that chocolate has not solved the problem, but the molecules of the “hormones of joy” create new neural connections. The next time you think about the harmful boss again, an electric impulse runs along the neural path created earlier, making you remember that it would be nice to eat something fatty and sweet ... Having eaten and having fun, you strengthen this neural connection.

Yes, you consciously understand that chocolate (pancakes, donuts, etc.) does not solve the problem. But the vile brain is already working to its fullest, and once you experience a sense of anxiety - how unbearably you want to eat ...

But that's not all. After all, you see that your figure is deteriorating, it makes you angry and annoyed: "I will not like a man, what a nightmare!" And stress hormone again enters the bloodstream.

What to do? That's right, the brain already knows what will help you - you need to eat! And you again jam your stress. It turns out a vicious circle, and a person gets fat ...

How do we solve such problems on the course?

First, change the habit. If you want to eat, then you need to do something else. The simplest is physical activity. During physical exertion you get endorphins - hormones of happiness - and this perfectly alleviates anxiety and stress.

She squatted 20 times - and calmed down. The next time I wrung out. Then the press shook. I went for a walk. And I don’t want to eat anymore.

But that's not all. With a competent approach, you need a whole range of work on a bad habit. For example, instead of running to seize up stress, you can pick up a notebook and pen and ask yourself: "What caused me a feeling of alarm? A quarrel with relatives, colleagues, superiors?"

Further, we can discuss how to solve this problem in another way. Write these ways, outline solutions. Maybe someone needs to be forgiven. Maybe learn to treat people differently so that they do not take offense at you (comes to your aid). She talked to herself - and got sick. A sense of comfort came. Sometimes it’s enough just to write out your grievances - and they will dissolve without a trace.

And you can also outline a plan for solving problems:

Including it is important to forgive yourself for bad habits and a damaged figure. If you walk around with a notebook for 45 days, you will definitely get over it.

And finally, I offer you the story of our cadet, who worked on the topic of self-love through the forgiveness of her mother, and what results she brought to her in life. So, a success story